TWO updates in one night. i must really love you. orrr i've finished my exams.
both, actually.
on another note, listen to this song: .com/watch?v=n9hjTZFeSW4
the lyric "I saw you blink and i missed your eyes, your blue eyes " is so perfect for Emily thinking of Naomi while writing that note.
Freddie:
Naomi needed me. I knew that much. She was broken, and I was her glue. Everlasting glue. Unconditional Love. If I could tell her everything she meant to me, she would explode. It's the unspoken rule, not to say. But I could write a list.
It's a long train journey. I've got time.
I always write things down. Constantly scribbling away in notebooks, writing letters to far away people, friends, family. Those who I cant tell out loud.
Dear Naomi.
This is a list of what you mean to me. I will never give this to you, for fear it will split you in two,. But one day, you'll be strong enough to read it. And then I'll know that you are strong enough not to need me anymore. As much as that breaks my heart, I know it's true.
1)Thank you for being there for me, through better and through worse. You made it so much easier for me.
2) You were always there to make me smile, whenever I felt down. And you never failed to make me see the funny side. Don't ever lose that talent.
3) I told you everything and you never judged me. I respect that.
4) I was never scared to tell you something because I knew, no matter what, you'd always listen
5) Christ, I love your sarcasm
6) You're the sister I always wanted, and the support I never had
7) I'd trust my life in your hands
8) You never ever judged me for my actions, or what I said to you. But you always judge yourself
9) Even at the darkest times of your life, when I needed you, you were there
10) I can only hope to be as good a friend to you as you were to me
11) Naomi, I wish you would realise how beautiful you are.
12) I don't know who made you so broken, but they better be worth it.
13) Don't cry tears that you don't mean
14)Accept your instinct, its usually right.
15) Naomi Campbell, you are my rock. I couldn't live without you.
16) you're the strongest person i know
Freds, Forever.
Christ. All that weed smoking has made me soppy in the head. This train journey is longer than I thought.
It's been 50 minutes and counting since Naomi called me. I can make it to London from Bristol in 2 hours. It's been done before. I have to. Any longer and she'll stop using her instinct and do something she regrets.
I don't even know if I can help her. But I'll try as hard as I can.
The train gradually rolled to a stop, and I forced the doors open, flying onto the platform. Great first impressions to the London public as I fall to the ground, the bottles in my bag clinking noisily. Always lowering the tone.
The station is filled with keen early morning commuters, living in London and travelling all across the country, desperately catching the 6:00 train, clutching their coffee, hoping by some miracle they'll be awake by Guildford.
I doubt it.
I sprint – Christ, remind me to give up smoking yeah? – To the ticket booth, and grab the mans attention.
"University *breath* of *breath* London, near?" that's all I can manage, fitness is not my forte
He's looking at me like I'm foreign. It's probably fair, I haven't washed in 3 weeks and my sentences can barely be described as English.
"It's about a 2 mile walk, or you could wait 'till 7 and get the tube, mate"
Thank god I brought my skateboard.
After asking for directions from almost every person awake in London on my way – admittedly about 3 – I made it to the University in less than two hours. That non-stopping service to London was a god-send.
It took me a further ten minutes to locate Naomi's halls, fucking hell, she doesn't half make it difficult. And then her room. On the fourth fucking floor. Is she trying to kill me?
I knocked on her door. Loudly. Serves all those students right for drinking too much last night. Says me, with enough alcohol to serve a low budget bar in my bag.
Shit. She looks like, well, shit. Her cheeks are stained with tears, and, is that LIPSTICK all over her face?
She's clutching a half empty bottle, large bottle¸ of vodka to her chest.
"I was going to shower, but you're pretty fucking persistent"
I say nothing, and, for once, let actions speak louder than words.
I pull her towards me, planting a kiss on her forehead.
"I'm here"
She collapses into me, pushing her face into my t-shirt as her body shakes as the control she had breaks down. Christ, I need some explanations.
I guide her over to the bed, which, thank god, looks slept in. she wont let go of me, so I sit down with her on top of me. Cradling her like a baby. A weeping child. She doesn't weep. Something really must be wrong
"I kissed *sniff* a *sniff* girl" She's sobbing now, but at least the shaking has stopped.
I see her beautiful blue eyes look up at me:
"I kissed a girl, and now I can't get her out of my head"
She explained everything.
"Emily made me feel, Freds. Like I've never felt before. Not since Dad l-l-l-left" she stumbles over those words, and I realise how big a deal this is.
I realise why she needed me.
There's a scuffling under the door and I shift her weight so I can take a look.
A scrappy piece of paper presents itself, pristine and white against the greying carpet:
Naomi, Sorry I left so early this morning, my room was unlocked and I panicked!
Maybe hopefully see you later
Ems xx
Ps – 07070707070 – just in case –x
I show Naomi, and she sniffs again. But at the same time, I see the reassurance in her eyes. I know this girl means more to her than she will let her.
"Text her, Naomes. What harm can it do?"
She's shaking her head.
I grab her phone and open a new message:
Hey Ems,
It's Naomi, just so you have my number too…
I'm sure I'll see you in a bit, Seminar Induction after all…!
Hope you got some sleep,
N xx
Naomi looks at me with defeat in her eyes.
I key in the number before she can regret it.
Done.
I wont let her ruin the chance to mover forward, be strong. But she doesn't like change.
I'm trying to lighten the mood, literally. I open the window
Naomi looks confused:
"No offence Nai, but you really stink babe…"
"you're not smelling so peachy yourself Fredster, your hair is in dreadlocks, and that's not a good thing"
There she is, coming back to me.
"right, shower, smelly, or else. And I mean that in the nicest possible way"
If she showers first, she can dress while I shower, therefore minimising the time she'll have to spend on her own.
She hasn't moved.
"I promise you I won't leave you. There's room for me to stay, right?"
as always, reviews are lovely. After writing this chapter, i thought i'd add the other music that is kind of inspiring me...:
1) I Saw You Blink - The Stornoways
2) Gap - The Kooks
3) Samson - Regina Spektor
4) Who Needs Actions When You've Got Words - Plan B
5) Strongest Person I Know - The Streets
6) 1 - Joyzipper
7) Blame It On The Rain - HE IS WE
8) Crystallised - The XX
9) Inbetween - Aaron Short
10) Wondering What Everyone Knows - Lightning Dust
A bit of a random list but its inspiration. seriously, check out all the songs. especially Aaron Short, his voice is BEAUTIFUL
Ii'm off to bed, but the next two? (dont hold me to it!) Chapters, will hopefully be up tomorrow!
Love Mobes xxxx