Somewhere Out There: Light to Flame, then Darkness
Soon enough, the beer was sold, the customers seemed happier, and July fourth had arrived. The small town buzzed, full of activities, family gatherings, and the occasional teenage party. It wasn't any of this, however, that made my heart fill with gladness. I felt happy for the first time in years, ever since the fateful night of the Final Battle, all of it due to Severus Snape. As much as I loved the boys, I couldn't ever insult Snape like they did, even when we were children. There was a modicum of respect that I intended to keep to each and every person, even if he or she was an utter bastard; besides, I had concluded long ago that Umbridge was worse than Snape could ever be. Even Snape wouldn't be as cruel as Umbridge was, making Harry etch words written in his own blood onto his hand as punishment. When I really thought about it, maybe Umbridge lost my respect, but Snape never did.
The hours sluggishly crept by, my anticipation only added to extending the ticking time of the clock. I'd taken a little advice from Sadie, since she seemed fit to give it, and put a little more effort into my appearance today. Even though I still wore the company's uniform, I had applied a bit of cosmetics around my eyes and pulled my hair back with clips, letting the front curls escape to frame my face. All in all, it wasn't too bad as I had gazed in the mirror that morning before opening the door to Snape. I had hurried out the door without a second glance since I had been running a bit late, not noticing that Snape dragged a little behind me, lost in thought.
Now, I couldn't wait for the hours to go by fast enough. Everyone was celebrating except for me…well…Dustin was suffering with me, I guess. I wiped down the coffee counter for the third time, stocking the coffee beans this time, their rich and fragrant smell soothing me. I heard the doorbell sound and turned towards the door to look. I was met with a smiling face and green eyes surrounded by red curls. I smiled back, dropping the towel and cleaner to shake hands with Kelly. David was squirming, attempting to squeeze out of his mother's firm grip, black hair bouncing along with his head.
"Nell, could you ring me up a large bag of ice and a propane exchange? Michael forgot to pick up the ice and I decided to get the propane refill early. We're cooking out tonight, but I didn't notice we needed an extra until this morning," she smiled at me, finally picking David up into her arms when he wouldn't settle.
After I rang them out, I opened the propane cage for them, quickly moving the old for the new. Stowing the other in her minivan, she placed David in the carseat and then looked at me hard for a second. I shrank under her scrutiny, not used to such interaction with the people of this small town…at least visible scrutiny. Finally, she smiled again, buckling David in and closing the door. She placed her hand on my shoulder, squeezed lightly, and left. I was not scared by her actions, but simply astounded, a look that showed on my face when I entered the store again, but not before I smacked face-first into the glass door.
"I just cleaned those," Dustin said with little enthusiasm, looking at the huge face print I had just left on the glass while I rubbed my nose in pain.
"At least I didn't leave any drool on them. Here's some newspaper," I replied, tossing him a wad of newspaper and the window solution. He scowled at me darkly as I shrugged. His timing was terrible, I thought to myself, as he grumbled his way to the door once again, this time barely getting the one side done before three kids left their fingerprints all over the other side. They ran inside when he opened the door, oblivious to his deep frown as I laughed at his sad plight.
I enjoyed the simple things in life now, the smiling faces of children, the flowers in front of houses on my walks back to the apartment, and the summer sun shining down. It was the perfect catharsis to what used to be a dark, dank, and lifeless war, the time in Britain I always want to forget, yet something that I never will. Even Snape seemed to be lighter of step and heart, dwelling in his dark demeanor only when an issue of the past was brought to light. It frightened me more than anything, the sudden mood changes he had over the course of our friendship. At times, he was a volatile bomb, ready to explode at a moment's notice, still others he was calm, cool, and collected. However, when I really thought about it, I was the same way. I drifted back into memory, mesmerized by the sparkling glass of the doors Dustin was currently cleaning.
Memories occupied my thoughts until the sun started falling behind the clouds and a single black car made its way into the parking lot of "BISTO," carrying the one person I most wanted to see.
I smiled when he came inside, this time dressed in a dark t-shirt that hugged his slim form and dark jeans to match. The last time I'd really seen him before the States, I realized, was when he still haunted the castle corridors like a ghost swathed in ebony fabric that blended into the night. He had been a bitter, cold man, heartless and cruel to his students, and even those of his own House without right. Underneath the rough exterior, however, I was beginning to find a softer side, caring and fiercely protective. I questioned my judgment; whether it was distorted by the oddity of the very different lives we now led or whether it was sound, forged through experience and pain, was still to be decided. I couldn't turn my back on Severus Snape for two reasons; he had all the answers to my questions and I, like Sadie had pointed out, had fallen for my Potions Professor, however obsolete that title was.
As he came closer to the register as I finished counting my drawer, I noticed his left hand was buried deep in his left pocket in an effort to hide the Mark against his body. I gave him a slight frown before turning back to my work. The Mark was something Snape and I would never agree upon, it seemed, but I noticed he was making an effort. That meant more to me than any amount of money life could bring me as a little part of me rejoiced at his actions as I frowned at him. His bright eyes were a shock to me when I met them, slamming my finger in the register drawer by my inattention. He smirked as a response as I shot him a dark look which only made his smirk widen. The amount of irritation I felt at him, however, was fleeting since I knew it was my own fault in the first place.
I grabbed my sack that carried my keys and such to work, clutching it in my hand as I made my way out to the car with him following close behind. I heard the doors unlock, opening the door and getting settled in completely before we drove off. He smiled at me as he turned onto the street, driving out of town slowly but surely. I had no idea where we were going, but I told myself that with Snape I never knew anyway, so I went along for the ride. We drove past smaller homes, then larger homes, eventually passing a mid-sized church on the border of town. It was the first time he spoke the entire car ride, his voice quickly catching in my ear.
"Miss Granger, I would appreciate if you would open your window if you insist on leaving fingerprints. Those don't wash off in the rain," he stated, without even passing a glance my way.
I pouted a bit, responding, "I only wanted to look closer at the stained-glass windows of the church. The sun was catching them just right."
He only nodded, gaze still fixed on the road ahead, leading us further out of town passing by a number of cornfields before slowing down and turning onto a long, dirt road. Dust scattered with gravel as he moved slowly down the road, pausing now and again to avoid the larger potholes along the way. I was still entranced by the corn, half grown now from the hot summer, and was startled by a large brown thing running through the stalks.
I heard a snort from my left. "I never knew you were scared of groundhogs, Miss Granger."
"I'm not, Professor," I stated, emphasizing the title with a venomous bite.
His face gradually darkened in anger, but soon his narrowed eyes began to widen as a large, white farmhouse came into view. A rare smile crossed his features as he pulled onto the grass, parking as the front screen opened to Kelly in a large, light blue apron with her arms crossed and David running out to the car on his little legs. He quickly opened the door of the car, letting David crawl in on his lap and immediately bury his face in Snape's shirt.
"Mommy said you might not come," David sniffled, his face still buried in Snape's shirt.
As I looked on in shock, Snape wrapped his arms around the small boy, pulling him back to meet the boy's eyes. His smile was still firmly in place as something flitted across his eyes, much too quick for me to discern, but he unwrapped the boy completely from his body, placing him outside the car as he unbuckled his seatbelt. My mouth still hung open at his gentle response to the small child, more used to his bitter, sarcastic comments to the young children at Hogwarts. He leaned down to the boy and whispered in his ear loudly enough so I could hear when he spoke.
"I forgot to tell your mother I was bringing a friend."
David then peeked around Snape's head and his eyes lit up when he focused on my face, my mouth closing abruptly as his face widened with a huge smile.
"You brought the pretty lady with you! Mommy will be happy," David cried with enthusiasm, his bright face and green eyes expressive.
I blushed deeply as Snape turned his head to look at me, catching my eyes with his dark gaze. Eventually, I tore myself away from his eyes, opening the door on the other side of the car, extracting myself from the comfortable seat and stepping onto the soft grass.
I shut the door and went around the car, looking at the house as Kelly descended the stairs, sunlight at her back. It lit up her hair until it seemed her head was on fire, burning bright as a beacon in the dark, the sun streaking gold through her locks. As she drew closer, the image faded, but I thought immediately of Ginny, her proud stance and never-ending smile as she drew closer.
I desperately wanted to see her again, the little redhead who fell so in love with Harry she was willing to die for him. Sometimes, I wonder if her death played any part in Harry's. He had screamed her name when she collapsed, lifeless to the muddy soil, the pain and anguish ripping out of him. I knew he had loved her…with all his being, he'd said once. He didn't want her to fight, but she refused to stay hidden. In the end, they both died together, a small solace to me when I realized they would finally be together at last, no worries and no cares. Tears came to my eyes as I thought about them, smiling down from the fading sunlight onto the life of a friend, watching my struggles but feeling nothing. I wondered if they could even love anymore, wherever they had gone, but I didn't know. Not witch, wizard, nor Muggle truly knew what happened after death, the mystery of the circle of time still unanswered, so I was left to wonder in my human body and with my human emotions.
A light tug on my hand caused me to look down, tears still brimming in my eyes as I looked into David's confused face, his eyes wide and his little mouth turned down into a frown.
"Why are you crying? Do you hurt somewhere? Make it better, Sully," he said, clenching his hands into little balls and looking at Snape with an accusatory glare.
Snape was startled at the young man's behavior, clear in his face, but he knelt down to the child, putting out his hands. The little boy eyed him, looking from his hands to his face, finally moving closer and placing his fists in Snape's long-fingered hands. David's eyes drifted to Snape's as Kelly and I looked on, waiting to see what would happen. Finally, Snape spoke.
"Do you remember when your favorite rabbit died, David? How you cried and cried when you knew it wasn't coming back?" As David's eyes filled with tears, he nodded, and Snape continued. "It's like that. Nell has friends that died a long time ago and they can't ever come back. She misses them very much and she cries about it too. Do you still cry about your rabbit sometimes?" When David nodded again, Snape pulled him into a hug and spoke some more. "Do you understand now? It's going to take a long time for her to not cry anymore." He gazed up at me at this statement, concern layered in his eyes as he said, "A very long time."
I gave David a smile through my tears. "I do miss them…every day."
"David, why don't you show Nell around? I'm sure she's really excited to be here and can't wait to see the fireworks tonight," Kelly said to him, pushing her hair behind her ears. "Go ask your dad if dinner's done too while you're at it."
He eagerly grabbed my hand, determined to make me happy again as only a child can and I was led off towards the house, Snape and Kelly following behind, now deep in conversation. His passive face had returned, his sallow features and angled face sharp in the setting sun. His gaze traveled to me for a moment before sending me a small smile and then resuming conversation with Kelly. I turned back to David's blabber as he took me towards the house and out to the backyard where the smell of food was becoming rather apparent. My stomach growled and I began to realize how hungry I actually was.
David led me out to the barn to see his new rabbit, a brown bunny with flecks of golden fur here and there. He petted her through the cage, a broad smile continually on his face as little puffs of fur filtered through the bars, flying in the little breeze that blew through the old wood of the barn. One or two horses whinnied in the far stalls, the sun coming in through the open door on the other side, displaying the tall corn backed by a beautiful sunset in gold and red hues. I sighed, my body relaxing as I looked out over the corn to the horizon, losing myself in the warmth of the colors. A hand settled on my shoulder, startling me and making me tense uncontrollably.
"You should eat while the food's still warm," a low voice to my right stated, the warm tones dripping over my ears like honey. "Kelly's quite the cook."
"I'm not really all that hungry," I said as my stomach's grumbling immediately blew my cover. I inwardly groaned, hoping Snape hadn't heard. A small chuckle informed me that he had indeed heard my stomach and its loud complaint.
"I believe your body says differently. Come, Miss Granger, they are waiting for us," he stated in a light, commanding voice.
Helplessly, I followed him, his hand still planted firmly on my shoulder no matter how hard I tried to shake it off. We walked together towards a large firepit placed in the center of a circle of chairs, a fire currently burning strong to add light to the ever-growing darkness. A simple meal of homemade hamburger patties, macaroni salad, and other assorted side dishes and pastries was assembled on a table in the unused portion of the large garage. Under Snape's urging, I filled my plate modestly, not wanting to take too much of the host's hospitality for granted. Snape, however, filled his plate with a bit of everything, managing to grab cups full of lemonade for the both of us. I picked a place closer to the fire, the chill of a light breeze settling over me and drawing the heat from me. I moved my chair closer to Snape's, ignoring his smirk at me, and started to eat.
The food was delicious. I sighed in happiness as I finished my plate, for once feeling completely full and a little tired. It was completely dark now and as Snape grabbed both of our used plates and glasses, I felt him reach a hand to me, clasping it in mine as he drew me up. He tossed the garbage in a nearby trash can, now freeing both hands to grab onto mine, pulling me along until we were in the shadow of the barn, Snape resting his back against the hard wood of the barn.
"I didn't bring you here for just the food. Turn around."
A faint pop sounded behind me and as I turned, the night sky lit up with many different colors. Blues, greens, and reds lit up the sky as the children gathered around the fire cheered and clapped at the pretty colors. I was in awe at the enormity of it all because it meant so much more to me. Fireworks were a core part of the celebration of America's freedom and they were beautiful. I leaned backwards, colliding with something soft and in hearing a sharp intake of breath, I realized I wasn't leaning against the wall but against Snape instead. I made to apologize at my blunder, but long, tapered hands settled at my waist as his breath hit my ear.
"Stay," he whispered in a breathy tone. At that word, I melted back against him, resting my head in the crook of his shoulder, not breaking my eyes from the night sky filled with a rainbow of colors. Over the course of the celebration, he would tell me which ones were which, telling me about the difference between the "willow", "diadem", and "spider" clusters. When the fireworks finally ended after the grand finale, I smiled, turning to him and looking into his dark eyes.
"Thank you…Severus." I said.
"It was a…pleasure…Miss Granger," Snape responded.
"My name is Hermione. Hermione…" I whispered to him, moving closer to his body as the scent of sandalwood overtook my senses.
My lashes fluttered like butterfly wings over my eyes as I saw Snape take a deep breath. I felt a hand move up from my side, over my shoulder and spreading its warmth onto my cheek. We looked at each other with such intensity neither of us could break the contact as our faces drew closer to the other's. I felt his warm breath on my face and I was sure he could feel mine as well. My tongue darted out to wet my lips, my eyes still locked in a battle of wills with his as my hands trailed over his chest and waist. Our heads turned sideways as we drew even closer, my eyelids fluttering closed as I heard the fast crunch of gravel and a quick siren blip before I felt Severus stiffen.
His face was mere inches from mine, but his hand left my face and I opened my eyes to see Severus looking to the right at the sheriff's car skidding into the gravel driveway of Kelly's home. He pushed himself away from the wall, abruptly colliding with me and stalking off towards the policeman's vehicle. A larger man extracted himself from the vehicle, the same height as Snape but a much more rotund man, and found himself in deep conversation with Snape.
I hurried along after him, disappointed that the result of tonight would end as unplanned as it had started. When I approached the vehicle, the officer sent me a soft look, motioning to the back seat of the cruiser.
"I think," he stated in a very deep voice that was raspy from years of cigarette smoke, "Nell Johnson, this is your cat?"
Lynx lay barely moving in the backseat, twitching a little as I opened the door and gently picked her up into my arms. She was covered in her own blood and I gasped, crying into her matted fur as the stench of fresh blood rose to my nose. When the officer spoke again, I felt the kitten's weight lifted from my arms as Kelly took her into the house for a bath and some nourishment. I stood dumbfounded, watching Kelly as she disappeared from sight with Lynx, her pitiful mewling forcing tears down my cheeks.
"What the hell happened?" Snape yelled at the man in barely concealed rage, seeing my pain and my impending emotional breakdown.
"Sullivan, it seems someone is not…fond…of Miss Johnson. I'd suggest you both come with me. I need her to survey the damages and then an investigation will take place…"
I lifted my head quickly. As the words "damages" and "investigation" ran through my thoughts, I wondered how much of this was actually true.
"Officer," I began, my voice unsteady. "What exactly are you talking about? What happened to my apartment?"
His gaze looked from Sullivan to myself and back to Sullivan. The firm set of Snape's lips and tenseness affirmed that something was very wrong even before the officer spoke again.
"Miss Johnson, I can only say vandalism is the least of your worries."