A/N: The lyrics at the very beginning are from "Forever and Always" by Taylor Swift. I really like the "Here's to silence" line, and it fits the ending of the story when Rory's in the bar with Lorelai.

Enjoy... This may be the last chapter.

Chapter Ten

Here's to Silence

*****

"So here's to everything coming down to nothing

Here's to silence that cuts me to the core

Where is this going?

Thought I knew you for a minute, but I don't anymore…"

*****

Logan looked at me with shock, even though it should have been painfully obvious that I was going to see him when I'd asked for his address. Why else would I have asked? He blinked twice, and then gestured to let me in. I obliged, and stepped into the large apartment. A I did, I noticed that the layout was oddly like his old apartment that we'd shared back in college. I shook my head to dislodge the thought; I had more important things to worry about right now.

"Do you need anything? Water? Soda?" I shake my head. "Come on. Martini?" I shake my head once again, wondering why he's so insistent on getting liquid, alcohol or not, inside me. I wish he'd just let me get this over with.

"I really just need to talk to you," I say, and he sits down on the couch. I sit down next to him, and clear my throat. Here goes nothing… Or everything, I suppose. I take a moment to look at Logan, to gauge his mood. I can't tell if he's happy, annoyed, or completely uninterested in my return. When I remember the email, I realize that he must be sort of happy, right? Ugh. Nothing makes sense anymore.

"Okay, then. Talk."

"Well, I had a kid." I say this with some enthusiasm, trying to convey that he should at least pretend to be happy for me. But he just looks at me incredulously, so I continue. "With Jess. Yeah, I guess you don't care. And we got engaged. And then we got into a fight. And I came here because I just don't know what I want anymore and I was hoping that seeing you would help me."

Logan doesn't say anything for a while, just looks at me blankly. Okay, please, please say something. Anything. Damnit, Huntzberger! Talk!

Finally, he says, "Are you high?" He looks a little disgusted, and my mouth drops open. I fight the urge to smack him.

"No. Are you joking?"

"You were just expounding in a very un-Rory-like way. Never mind, though." Yeah, wise choice to give it up, Logan. And besides, how does he know what's Rory-like anymore? Three years is a long time.

"I just… Don't want to have an regrets. I don't want to always be wondering what might have happened if I came to see you. So I came." I try to smile like, and here we are.

"What do you want me to say, Rory?"

"I have no damn clue," I say honestly, laughing a little. He nods in affirmation, and offers for us to take a walk. I agree, since this apartment is making me weirdly claustrophobic, and the sight of Henry the Knight Statue makes me want to puke. He's bringing up too many memories, making me think of things I don't want to think about yet, as stupid as that sounds. It's just a stupid statue, after all.

We walk in silence for a while, and end up on a park bench. Finally, I realize that he's waiting for me to say something, so I do.

"I keep wondering what would have happened if I'd said yes at graduation. I keep wondering what it would be like to be Mrs. Huntzberger. And I don't like all of this questioning. It sucks. I just want to have some closure. I really thought that everything was said and done but when you emailed I just couldn't say that for sure anymore."

"I'm sorry that I made things so bad." He's saying the words, but- while looking into his eyes- I can tell that he's lying. No, you're not sorry. It's that same look that I've seen on his face so many times, when he's trying to explain away every crappy thing he'd done. The look that says that he's sorry that he got caught, not sorry for his actions. He doesn't give a shit that he made things harder for me... He's doing that thing he always does where he apologizes just to make me think that he's sweet and caring, when in fact he's just... not.

"Forget about it. It's my fault. Things were just… hard. Jess and I never figured things out, you know? Our relationship was just kind of sprung on us, and we didn't have time to think."

"Because of your kid?"

"Yeah. My kid's a girl, if you're wondering. Her name is Malia." He nods, but doesn't look like he really cares. I imagine what it would be like if I went back to him. Would he want anything to do with Malia? I doubted it.

"I love you, Rory. I want you back. I want you to be with me. I want to make up for giving you that ultimatum." I look at him carefully, trying to see past what he's saying and into what he's really thinking and feeling.

"I don't know if I want you back," I say honestly. That doesn't sit well with him.

"So why did you come?" he snaps.

"I told you why."

"I don't know what I'm supposed to say, Rory. What am I supposed to do? Have sex with you? See if there's still a spark?"

"Oh, God, Logan. Stop. Just… talk to me. Tell me about things. How's your business coming?" I try to sound chatty, but I think it comes across way too serious than I wanted it to.

"Fine. We're doing good. How's your journalism?"

"Eh. Okay. My foreign-correspondent aspirations are on hold until Malia gets a little bit older, but I still have a job at the Hartford Gazette, which is still really fun."

"Hmm. That's sad."

"Not really. Malia's the greatest."

"Hmm." God. Why does he keep saying "hmm"? He's saying it like he's making fun of me, like he doesn't agree with me at all. Is he saying that a daughter isn't worth it to put your dreams on hold? Who is this guy?

As I'm sitting there, trying to think of something else to say, I figure out what I needed to figure out. I didn't love Logan anymore. I don't think that we can even be friends anymore. There's just… nothing there. We're so different now that there is no way we could last longer than a week. He's still that immature, afraid little boy he's always been. The cheater. The liar. The user.

I stand up, and say, "Well, I better go, Logan. I've found what I needed." I laugh a little, and smile genuinely. "Thank you." I start walking away, and laugh once again. I feel so free, so right that it's amazing. The liberation that's come is great.

I sprint back to the car, because, well, there's something I need to do.

And I can't bear another minute not doing it.

-------------

"Jess?" I ask when he answers. "Things are okay now. I've… figured things out."

"What do you mean by 'figuring things out?'" he asks, and it takes me a second to realize why he sounds so nervous. Oh. He thinks that I might be going back to Logan.

"I want nothing to do with him." I can't even say his name out loud. I just want to be rid of the blond boy who I just saw. I want him out of my life, out of my memories for good. "You're who I want. If you'll have me, that is." I brace myself for the dreaded no, but I don't get a no. I get a yes.

"I'll have you, Rory. As long as you never pull this again."

"I promise!" I laugh, feeling so happy. "But I have a question. Have you… figured things out for yourself?" He takes a deep breath, and I swear I can hear the smile in his breath over the phone.

"Yeah, I have. I've done a lot of thinking. About you and Malia and my career. And I've decided that I want to write another book. I want to be a writer. That's what I want to do." He seems very sure of himself, but he sounds like he's just admitting it to himself for the very first time. And that's why I make sure.

"You're positive?"

"I'm a hundred and twelve percent sure."

"Only a hundred and twelve percent?" I tease, laughing at the random integer he came up with. And then I think of something. There's something else I have to do, I realize. And I need to do it now. "Uh, Jess? I think there's something else I have to do before I get back. So I'll be another couple days. I'll call you when I know when I'm coming back, okay?"

"What do you have to do?" he asks, warily. I bet he thinks that I'm going to see Dean or something. The thought makes me snicker mentally. No, I don't need to visit all of my exes. I wasn't that unsure of our relationship.

"I need to visit my dad."

-------------

I call my father, and find out where he's living.

He's back in Boston, and I get the address, telling him that I'll be on a flight to come see him as soon as possible. I can't tell what he thinks of this from the tone of his voice, and I don't care. I'm coming no matter what he thinks.

I got the red-eye plane flight, and arrived at Dad's house at like, five in the morning. He answers the front door quickly, and I see that he's been up all night. I walk past him into the house without being invited, already feeling irritated even thought neither of us have said anything yet.

"Dad, why did you leave?" I ask quickly, before he can say anything to make me soften towards my father.

After a few long moments of silence, he says, "I needed to get away from your mother, Rory. You know that." Actually, no, I didn't know that, thankyouverymuch. And, besides, that's not what I meant.

"I meant why did you leave me? I have a daughter, Dad. You're a grandfather and, not only did you abandon me, you abandoned her. How could you do that? She didn't do anything. And what did I do? What did I do to make you run? You haven't called or emailed or sent any smoke signals or carrier pigeons… Or did I just miss them? Is that it? Everything just magically went to the wrong address? Is there another Rory in Stars Hollow that's got pigeons attacking her window? God, Dad."

"I've been hurt, honey. I needed to be away from your mother and by consequence I had to be away from you." Tears rush to my eyes as I hear his bullshit excuses, and when I start to speak, my voice cracks.

"Mom and I are not joined at the hip! That's crap. You can be with me without being with her. And it has been close to three years. You're not over it yet? Are you even trying to move on, or are you just going to be pissed for the rest of your life? Because Mom is with Luke, and that's not changing anytime soon. So don't even think of doing anything."

"I wasn't." he says quietly, and I don't believe him.

"Yeah, you were. I can tell. So just get over her. And stop running from me. I didn't do anything, Dad. I didn't leave you. I actually called and emailed."

"I'm sorry, Rory."

I shake me head and say, "You always say that. You always say you're sorry, you always say you'll change and yet you never do. So I'm done. I'll be in G.G.'s life, but other than that I'm done. I'm tired of being screwed by you. I came to tell you that. I'm getting married next year, and I really wish you could walk me down the aisle but I'm not going risk the fact that you might not show up because you're afraid to see Mom. So that's it. I'm done." The tears rush a little more openly now, and I brush them away. Because I'm tired of being sad, tired of doing this.

Dad starts to say something, but I hold up my hands to stop him.

"I'm sorry this is the way it has to be, but you did this. Not me. So goodbye." I turn on my heel and stalk out the door, not looking back. I get into my rental car, and drive off into the night.

I'm not mad, just betrayed and oh, so done with this. Finished. Ready to move on.

-------------

I drive back down to Stars Hollow after stopping in a hotel to sleep at for a while, and I arrive at my mom's house late at night. She seems genuinely thrilled to see me, practically tackling me in a hug when she answers the door.

"What do you want to do? Pizza, movie? Luke's?" I shake my head at all suggestions.

"Let's go to a bar. I'm going to tell you everything and then we are going to get falling-down drunk. Alright?" My mother grins, and puts her arm around me.

"I've raised you well, daughter."

-------------

I don't tell Mom about going to Dad's house. It's just not something she needs to know. Yet. I will tell her someday, but now is just not the right time. I don't want her to feel guilty, since she shouldn't be. But Mom, selfless as always, will blame herself when it's not her fault at all.

I tell her all about going to see Logan, and all about talking to Jess on the phone. She fills me in on the goings on at the Dragonfly and Luke and Sookie and everything else going on in Stars Hollow, and then we get drunk. We stumble home together, giggling over absolutely humorless things, tripping over our feet, and pass out on the couch at her house. In the morning we're hung-over with massive headaches, and Luke makes us both chocolate chip pancakes and coffee, and we both lay with our heads on the table, trying to ignore the throbbing in our skulls.

Once again, I realize just how much I owe my mother.

Because she's just too great for words.

A/N: Review, please. I really liked this chapter, and I want to know if you guys do as well. Don't know what you all will think about Christopher...

Either way, I had tons of fun writing it.

Oh, last thing. I think this story has come to a close. I thought I was going to do more, but I don't think this story needs anything else. I leave for camp next week, and when I get back I might do an epilogue. But I'm not sure... I like the story ending with Lorelai and Rory. I had an idea for an ending, but I think I'm going to use my idea for my other GG Fanfic, "Road to Nowhere"

In case I don't, I just want to thank all of my steady reader and reviewers. You guys encouraged me so much and made this story a thousand more times worth writing. I'm so surprised that my very first Fanfic has been this successful, and am so surprised that people actually like my writing.

I especially want to thank Vera Cobb for giving me real, true, honest constructive criticism.

Check out my other stories, and just know that I'm planning on starting another GG Fanfic very, very soon.