Leave me alone already.

"Yo Jake!"

I was under the covers of my bed. I didn't need to be. I was hiding, not looking to be warm. Why couldn't Quil just take a hint already? I wanted him to screw off and leave me alone. What does a guy have to do? I knew they were all really worried about me but I couldn't get myself to care that they were upset. All that mattered was I was dying…I was slowly dying.

"I know you're awake! If you were sleeping, the snorin' would be heard from the kitchen," Quil laughed as he pulled the blanket off my head, attempting to make me laugh.

I growled pulling the blanket back over me. Didn't they understand that nothing was going to make me feel better? The emptiness was just getting worse and worse. Hour by hour I felt more devastated. Just thinking about that night made me depressed all over again. Way to go, Quil!

"When was the last time you left your room? It smells like feet and week old farts," He laughed again.

It was hard for me to feel much of anything other than the endless ache.

"Man, Jacob you haven't been this bad since…"

We all knew the last time I was this upset, was over Bella. But this was a million times worse. It took me a full two weeks to finally calm down enough to phase back to human after the run I had. I couldn't just runaway like the first time. Ness hated me, but I couldn't stay too far away from her. But once I was back to me, the wolf was gone and I had to deal with the emotions a lot stronger than in wolf form. I didn't think it could get any worse but it was. Billy was glad to see me home but I hadn't left the house since. Billy told the garage that I had some chronic illness or something, to explain why I hadn't shown up to work. I really didn't give a damn if they fired me.

I slept all the time, but even in my sleep I felt the absence of Nessie. I felt lost and sick. Everything tasted awful to me so eating hardly ever happened. I just let the hurt of hunger eat away at me, it sure as hell wasn't worse than the way I already felt. Late at night when I knew no one could see me I let the hurt spill out and let a few tears out silently. I couldn't help but feel like a wuss. There was no way I would ever let my pack see their Alpha cry. But the horrible ache just wouldn't go away. Breathing in left a sharp pain in my chest. The devastation was so deep that I didn't feel alive. I didn't feel human.

Sam knew what I was going through, being away from my imprint, but no one could understand. I hadn't phased since I got back, so the guys wouldn't know how much pain I was in. I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.

Not phasing also kept my other, deeper secret, my new unexpected feelings for Nessie. Sure, I could have tried to talk to her, but the truth was, part of me was staying away on purpose. Maybe it was only a one time thing. I just knew that I had to bear the pain of separation so that I didn't ruin everything. She is my everything. I can't screw up what we have just cause I'm feeling something unexpected. It wasn't lust, maybe attraction. I have always loved her, but this was… new. It was the first time that I didn't see her as a little girl, I appreciated her beauty as a… a what… woman?

"You can't stay here forever," Quil was getting mad. "Jake man, you look like crap. It's like you aren't even Jake anymore you're just a Jake costume."

I didn't respond. I was just a shell without Ness. My heart was still beating only it didn't have a reason to work, so I didn't get why it gave the effort.

"Listen, I'm pickin' up Claire and we are meeting Embry and Seth on the beach. We would like to see you around the living again."

Why did he have to say it like that? It just made me think of the Cullens. There wasn't a thought in my head that didn't some how relate to Ness. Even toilet paper somehow made me want to crawl in a corner and weep because it brought up some memory of being with her. I still didn't look at him.

Quil sighed, "You know, if you come to the beach you can ask Seth about Nessie."

Nessie? I sat up in bed and looked at Quil. A smile was on his smug face.

"He has been there a lot and he can get you up to date with how she is, what she's doing…"

He got me, and he knew he got me. That cocky bastard.

"Ok fine. I'll go." My voice shocked me. It was more of a croak. I hadn't spoken in weeks.

"Atta boy, Jake!" He said to me like I was a dog, grinning hugely. "I'm going to get Claire and I will meet you on the beach, but if you aren't there in a half hour, I'm coming back after you. I'm serious. I'll wake your ass up and you know how much Claire likes to jump on beds."

"Sure, Sure."

Forty minutes later I dragged myself out of the house. So what if I was late. I felt weak. My body wasn't use to moving this much for so long. I threw on sweat pants and a t-shirt. Neither was clean. I didn't care. Making my way slowly to first beach, Nessie was heavy on my mind yet again. I sauntered up the beach hating every moment of it. How did Quil talk me into this?… oh yeah cause I'm a pathetic loser.

From the cliff, Embry threw himself over. I guess it was warmer out than usual but it was still cold. Quil was making a fire as Claire chatted. Embry had pulled out a few thick towels. The guys wouldn't need any of that to keep warm. Why was he doing that?

Something on the wind caught my attention. I froze. Peaches? It was a light smell and right away my heart tugged. Franticly looking up the beach I didn't see anyone. But with another gust of wind the sent was stronger than before, peaches and sunflowers. I looked up the rock face. Either I had finally earned myself a room in the nut house or Nessie was standing on top of the cliff. The wind whipped her hair around like a lion's mane. Her eyes were closed and she was lightly smiling. It stung that she seemed to be perfectly fine without me. Cliff diving and smiling to herself, while I hadn't moved from bed except to piss.

Quickly her eyes opened and she dove in with her arms above her head. She looked like an angel falling from heaven. Her thick curls flowing down her back, shone with the light. She hit the water with a splash. My heart thudded for her safely. My heart couldn't slow down with her so close now. I almost forgot the exact lines of her face. She broke through the top of the water. The current had pushed her closer to my side of the beach than to Quil and the fire he set up. She walked out of the water her bronze hair, dark brown and straight from the water. She pulled her shirt away from sticking to her body and wrapped her arms around herself. Her back was to me, she didn't know I was there. She hadn't seen me. Quil spotted me and waved me over. This had to have been his plan the whole time. That son of a-.

She froze after taking only a few steps in Quil's direction. I got rigid. She turned around and looked right at me. She just stood there, staring. She was beautiful. So much more perfect then my memory. Nessie even looked like she had another growth spurt. I hadn't gotten to see her change this past month. Her eyes were large and confused. I was drowning in the depth of her eyes. I tried to stop myself from running over to her. She didn't want me. I had to remember that! She told me to stay away and I had to do it. Fighting the impulse of every muscle to reach out and touch her, I was locked in place. My insides screamed on protest as I turned away and ran.