DISCLAIMER: I do not own nor do I claim any rights to Twilight and the universe therein.

A/N: I'm gonna try and go beta-less in order to get the chapters to you, the loves and lights of my heart, faster. Thanks to everyone who reviewed. And (omg) Risen Anew got over 1.67k hits yesterday. Don't know how that stacks up against other fics, don't really care. I'm on cloud nine. :D

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Chapter 10: Helpless

Bella:

I pulled Jasper down the stairs to face his family. I was trying as hard as I could to mask the apprehension that I was drowning in. I didn't want to face his family—my family now, too—but I felt like I had to be strong after Jasper spilled his past to me. He had been through so much and I couldn't help but admire how resilient he had proven himself. He could have easily stopped fighting long ago. He could have stayed with Maria, or Peter and Charlotte—any choice would have been easier than wandering with blind faith that there was a better life to be had. His insecurity about his scars broke my heart: they were proof of how far he had traveled and how much he had sacrificed to get to this point. They were beautiful.

He was beautiful.

And so I pretended that I wanted nothing more than to listen to people discuss my grieving friends and family, all of whom thought I was dead and could never know the truth. I would rather spend the rest of the day, hell, the rest of the week sitting with Jasper. Talking, or not. I was so… drawn to him. But right now he needed to face his family and get a change of subject. So what I wanted wasn't the issue. Jasper needed this and I would do it happily.

We turned the corner and descended the stairs.

I don't even know if Jasper realized he was rubbing circles on the back of my hand with his thumb, but I was very aware of it. The circles tingled almost painfully; I wanted to rub them, or flex my hand, but I couldn't bring myself to break the contact we had.

I took a deep breath. I needed to relax. I held onto the banister with my free hand and kept my eyes trained on the stairs beneath me. I didn't want to trip and embarrass myself in front of them. For like the thirtieth time.

When both feet were firmly planted on the flat, stable floor, I looked at the gathered family. Jasper's grip on my hand tightened and a false-serenity encased me. What was that for? I looked at him, but he was snarling at the far corner of the room where a figure wavered in the doorway to the kitchen, uncertain as to whether or not he should join us.

Edward.

My hand gripped Jasper's and for a moment I was lost to emotion. I could only remember him throwing me, the crack of my head on the lockers and… when he bit me. When he was draining me. I was panicking and completely freaking out. I looked at Jasper and realized my anger was only provoking him more. He was tensed and ready to rip something apart.

I had to calm down. Edward was part of this family. Had I not just tried to attack a human like Edward? The only difference between the situations was that Jasper had been there to stop me earlier than he had been there for Edward. If Jasper hadn't been there for me, I would have ended up doing something as bad as Edward had, if not worse.

I reigned in my fear and tried to focus on the love and concern this family felt for me. If I put myself in Edward's place and imagined the sorrow and despair I would feel if I had hurt that human in the woods, I couldn't stay scared of him. He had made a tragic mistake and he had to be beating himself up more soundly than I ever could.

There. Calm.

I sighed and looked at Jasper who was staring at me in wonder. "It's going to be fine." I whispered to him. "Everything will be just fine."

He nodded and let me lead him to a sofa where we took seats. Carlisle, Esme, Rose, Emmett and Edward were all looking at us, but no one deigned to break the silence.

"So!" My voice was too loud and too falsely cheerful. Rosalie looked around the room and sighed loudly.

"I guess I am left to spearhead this conversation. Your funeral," she turned to me, "was depressing. It was somber and solemn. It was a funeral. Charlie and Renee were devastated—" Esme clucked her tongue at Rose's word choice, but Rose paid no mind, "Sorry, but its true. They hadn't seen each other in a really long time, had they?" I shook my head, "Well, Charlie was too upset to even notice Phil, and Renee was too upset to notice that Charlie didn't notice Phil."

I couldn't help but give a little choked laugh. It seemed like Rosalie knew my parents, the way she was describing them.

"There were a surprising amount of kids from Phoenix present." I made an offended face.

"I will let you know, Roaslie, that I had plenty of friends back in Phoenix. " I huffed out my breath and crossed my arms across my chest.

Rosalie stuck her tongue out at me. "Touchy much?" I chucked a pillow at her that she ducked gracefully. "Where was I? Oh yes. I was surprised," she gave me a sidelong glance, "that so many kids from Phoenix flew out to attend the funeral in Forks."

Oh. Yeah, that makes sense. I must have looked sufficiently chagrined because Rose continued. "There was a fair representation of people from the Quileute reservation. Charlie seemed to be fairly good friends with a few of them. All of the remarks were thoughtful and restrained and the weather was very nice. Overall, the event was a social success."

Everyone gaped at her.

She shrugged. "You would have preferred it to be a failure?" She plopped down on the arm of the couch next to me, her work done.

"Um… okay." I wasn't sure what they wanted to know about. "So, Today. Well, we were hunting and we came across a stray dog and I made Jasper find its home and he told me to stay and I was going to until I smelled something really delicious and I just snapped and started running and running toward it and I didn't even care when I realized it was a human because it smelled so good and all I wanted to do was attack and Jasper…" I stopped for a deep breath and looked and Jasper and I could feel the love and gratitude wafting off of me, "…Jasper stopped me. He saved me. When you saw me freaking out," I looked at everyone, "that was just me flipping over how close a call it had been.

There was silence for a moment until Emmett growled, "How could you be so stupid, Jasper?" I was shocked, but when I looked at Jasper, he seemed to expect what was coming.

"I mean, shit!" Emmett continued. "Leaving a newborn in the woods by herself? And just trusting a human wouldn't wander over and get itself eaten? What the hell were you—"

"Emmett." Carlisle interrupted. "Relax." He turned to Jasper. "I have to admit, son, I am disappointed in the poor judgment you showed this afternoon."

"Poor judgment, my ass." Emmett muttered.

"Emmett." Carlisle barked at him. "If you can't control yourself, feel free to leave." Emmett sat down, but his lips were moving as he kept up a constant, but silent, stream of commentary. Carlisle turned back to Jasper, whose head was slumped. His fingers had stopped rubbing my hand. I squeezed his hand and began to rub circles with my thumb. After a few seconds I felt a light squeeze in return. It gave me hope.

"I cannot allow you to take such a position of responsibility in Bella's training if you show such a lack of sense. You of all people should know better." Carlisle looked at Jasper for a long hard moment before sighing and sitting down next to Esme.

I was stunned. Hadn't anyone listened to a word I'd said?

"Guys, Jasper saved me. He stopped me from doing something absolutely terrible. How come none of you can see that? He didn't make a mistake—he stopped me from making one. If you're going to be upset at anyone, be upset at me. Be angry with me. Don't punish Jasper for saving someone's life. Because that is what happened today. Jasper saved a life."

Jasper looked at me like I was a lifeboat on the Titanic. His thumb circles came back and I wanted to purr at the feeling.

I looked around at the family. The only one who looked back with any sympathy was Edward. He knew exactly what I was feeling. He offered me an awkward half-smile. I lowered my eyes for a second, then looked back and smiled. I could forgive him for his slip, easily. I knew how it felt to be in his shoes. Jasper's thumb stopped again and I looked up at him. He was glaring at Edward, his jaw set. He tightened his grip on my hand and moved me slightly behind his back.

"Seriously?" I yanked my hand out of his. "You too?"

Jasper reached toward me. "Bella…" he cajoled.

"I'm—I need a minute." I dashed to the rarely used bathroom and shut the door behind me. Why did everyone cage me in like I was a helpless little… thing! I wanted to snarl. Even my thoughts were incoherent. I looked at myself in the mirror. My face was perfect. I was perfect. I looked like I needed protection, all wide eyes, full lips and rosy cheeks.

It was frustrating. I was indestructible. I would live forever. And yet these people were treating me like I hadn't been treated since I was 12. I had made a mistake and they all blamed Jasper like they thought I would freaking pass out if anyone dared to suggest I had slipped. I'd fucked up. And I recognized that. Why couldn't they?

And then Jasper yanking me away from Edward. Right after I was turned? Yes, I was scared. I needed his help. But he could read emotions. Edward and I were sharing a moment of understanding. Jasper could feel my lack of fear. Edward's lack of shame. And he deliberately ruined that moment of understanding by acting protective and aggressive, like Edward couldn't control himself. I wasn't a human anymore! No one seemed to understand that.

I looked at myself in the mirror again. I looked weak. I opened the medicine cabinet and started rummaging through the contents before something clattered into the sink. I looked down and paused.

That would do.

Jasper:

Bella had yanked away from me and stormed off to the bathroom like an emotional human.

I know what I did was wrong.

But when I felt that flicker of attraction from Edward when he smiled at Bella… I couldn't help myself. He could not touch her. He was not allowed to benefit from his destruction of her. I wouldn't allow it.

I tried to tell myself that I was thinking of justice—he shouldn't get to have her after he had broken her—but you couldn't have my gift and not become very aware of your own emotions.

I was jealous.

Edward wasn't allowed to lust after Bella. I wouldn't allow it.

Even as I heard Bella destroying the bathroom, I refused to take my eyes off Edward. My neck and shoulders were tense, and I know he could hear my thoughts, a constant stream:

You cannot have her. You cannot have her. You cannot have her.

Edward had slunk back into his corner and I was rational enough to feel some guilt at my reaction. I was about to apologize when the clattering noises stopped. All of us looked at the bathroom door, expecting to see Bella re-entering the room.

When I heard the clean snick of closing scissors, I ran to the bathroom and slammed the door open. Bella stood with the scissors in one hand, and her long ponytail of hair in the other. Her hair now swung short. It kissed the base of her skull in the back and brushed an inch or so under her jaw in the front. She stared at herself in the mirror detachedly.

Already I mourned the loss of her long mahogany waves. But I had already learned that Bella was going to do what she wanted. I walked over and gently removed the scissors and chopped ponytail from her hands. She still watched herself.

She wasn't upset, I realized. She was waiting.

I almost laughed.

"Were you expecting it to grow back?" I asked.

"I really think I was!" Bella smiled at me.

" 'Interview with a Vampire?' " I asked.

"Totally. When Kirsten Dunst—"

"Yup." I started putting everything she had knocked astray back in place.

"Will it grow back?"

"Eventually." I said. "Hair is made of dead cells."

"Cool." She helped me put away the last of the toiletries and we walked out into the living room to find that the rest of the family had ditched.

"Want to watch 'Interview'?" Bella asked. I hadn't seen it since it had first come out. It was too absurd, as a vampire, to watch.

"Sure. I'm in the mood for a comedy." I said.

Bella grabbed the DVD from our extensive collection and popped it into the player. I sat and the couch and was only a little surprised when she sat right next to me and curled into my shoulder.

"Jasper?" She said as the opening credits started.

"Yeah?"

"You need to lay off Edward. He's okay. I'm okay. And I can handle myself."

I know that.

"I know that."

"So we're good?" she asked.

"Rock solid."

Bella didn't need to know that I would be keeping tabs on Edward's lust. There was no way in hell he was getting anywhere near her.

"Rock solid." I repeated.

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A/N:

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