*This is the 2nd half of Chapter 8. Please enjoy.
*Latest source of inspiration: "Amaoto (or "Sound of Rain") by Daisuke Ono, who is the voice actor playing the role of 'Sebastian Michaelis'
*Please let it be known that this is the 'much improved' version of the originally posted version on April 12th.
*Yey, I finally figured out how to insert the holizontal lines! :D
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"Secret Yearnings of the Souls"
Chapter 8ii: Watching the Scales Tilt - CIEL
Written by: GoodbyeMyHeart & Second Wind
Ciel POV
"The one thing I needed help on was the continued night terrors and sometimes even waking dreams and panic attacks. Those did not go away completely. I just dealt with them better as time passed. But, I no longer squirmed whenever I found Sebastian next to me, or 'over' me. Sometimes, he'd smooth down my tense muscles with his hands and sometimes he would use his 'powers' to heal something such as spasms in my stomach and intestines, which unfortunately happened a lot. Most of his powers were delivered or administered by his hands, but Sebastian also used his mouth a lot. He claimed he could use his saliva for a lot of things, and use it as a disinfectant or a painkiller; only because it killed or numbed the exposed nerve-endings of the human body. When used in massive quantity, such as when he hunted or killed his prey, his saliva apparently acted as a poison or a paralyzing agent.
But, mostly, Sebastian asked where I was hurt, and fixed the problems by willing my body to start acting correctly. He sometimes simply put his lips over my stomach and left them there, for hours at a time if necessary, until the spasms left my stomach and I could keep food down. This allowed the stomach acid to stop eating my stomach linings, and digest the food instead. Sebastian did the same for my headache, and willed my body to start releasing correct amounts of hormones, and for the blood vessels in my head to start carrying blood smoothly.
It took a month or so for my body to get a hold itself, and start working properly. But once it did, my ulcers or spasms never came back, and I actually developed an incredibly tough stomach which was able to withstand the level of stress that would have surely killed most humans.
There was something I never told him about. This was mostly out of embarrassment, but also because I did not want to offend him. When Sebastian had stayed with me, I apparently went to sleep but started caressing his head in an easy, well-practiced manner after some time passed, and I kept at it until I fell too deeply asleep and my hands stopped.
When I was told about this – more than two years later, in fact, I realized what had happened. When our dog Sebastian was alive, he would often sleep with me in my room. He was such a big dog, that he could rest his head on my stomach or chest even while he was in a sitting position. And I would stroke his head until I fell asleep. On such nights, Sebastian the dog would stay on the floor by my bed, guarding me.
Now, I had Sebastian the demon butler who guarded me and took care of me. I wondered why Sebastian had waited for so long to tell me about this, but I would like to think that he liked to be on the receiving end of my caresses, and did not want to make me self-conscious enough to stop doing it.
There was also one other thing which he helped me to come to terms with. As my body matured, I inevitably hit the period of my life called 'puberty'. Boy, have I made a mess of it. I was so sick of my body's changes, just as much as sick of trying and failing to cope with the mood-swings, insomnia, and worsening night terrors, that I threw the whole ordeal in Sebastian's way and refused to deal with it myself. Of course, Sebastian never let me get away with it. He told me to 'be shameless' about it, because it was 'natural'. He drilled these concepts inside my head until I accepted them, and started living with my changing body.
My parents will most likely blow a gasket, if they ever learned what orders and 'requests' I have issued to Sebastian regarding this matter, but Sebastian being Sebastian, he found a way to take the middle ground. However, I sometimes still crave his intimate, expert touches, the smell of his body and breath, the taste of whatever skin he allowed me to taste, and how his hair felt as I ran my hands through them. …Come to think of it, both during my captivity and during the time I spent with Sebastian, I have never had any physically intimate moment with women. It was never really by choice, but still, I was glad he had not cast me aside for expressing my desires, or made me feel stupid about it.
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Present Time
Lucifer once again stopped the reel and pondered the situation. He played back the reel a little, and focused on Stolas's unclothed form.
An unspeakable degree of jealousy overtook Lucifer as he watched Stolas teasing, smirking, and at times gently smiling, while clothed in nothing but air – giving his undivided attention and ministration – to Ciel Phantomhive. Lucifer had known literally every inch of that man's body. He knew the smell, the taste, and above all, the feel of that particular body personally.
The knowledge that this pitifully thin, arrogant human boy had known the kind of secret pleasures which are denied to him every time Stolas left for the human world, made Lucifer angry.
The fact that Lucifer had known how foolish this train of thought really was, went ignored by his busy conscious mind. A million ideas about what exactly he was going to do his soon-to-be prisoners raced through his mind as he watched Stolas pleasure Ciel in the boy's bed. Lucifer gruntred as he saw Stolas lying beside the earl's small frame to hold him close. Lucifer fought with the urge to smash Ciel Phantomhive's face when he saw the unmistakable look of affection spread over Stolas's face as the raven watched Ciel closed his eyes to sleep off the effect of the night's stress and activities.
It was going too far out of the norm for Stolas to protect the boy's innocence by denying the young boy his need for physical affection. The boy was suffering, and that kind of frustration, mixed with pain, was rather pleasing. However, if Stolas had complied with the boy's request in the first place, he would have been able to 'feed' on the boy's soul. Not all at once, but bit by bit and ease his own insatiable hunger just enough to keep himself at his peak form. It was very clear to Lucifer that, as time went by, Stolas was growing weaker and needed to be 'fed'.
Lucifer was very much aware of Stolas's love of 'principles' – for he very much prided himself on it. The words Stolas spoke to Ciel in an effort to explain his reasons for refusing to give himself to Ciel also troubled Lucifer, because he sounded too much like his 'other half'. It alarmed and infuriated Lucifer to realize that he was, indeed, losing his pet raven. He tapped his fingers over the armrest of his throne, before taking a deep breath and flicking his finger to continue the show.
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Ciel POV
"However, out of all these unpleasant businesses called 'life', what had been just as cumbersome and a pain in the butt were the legal proceedings. I was a child who had almost been declared dead, and suddenly I was back amongst the living and at the same time, inherited a hell of a lot of money along with the 'Earldom' - should I choose to take it.
Frankly, I needed the privileges that came with being an Earl of Phantomhive, precisely because I was - and always am - a child. I knew nothing about how to handle money, and Sebastian taught and advised me a lot about what to do. He hired secretaries and governesses for me – the honest ones, as he called them, who genuinely cared about me. He called tutors and advisors for me when I asked about taking over the small toy company my father had been running as a hobby.
Being a demon, though, Sebastian gave me a lot of knowledge about the loop-holes in the system which was governing the commerce, and how the profits can be increased dramatically by using bold ideas and unconventional investments. One of such ideas was acquiring a factory in India, where workers could be hired for next to nothing, and safety regulations were nearly nonexistent. That is not to say, however, that I have ordered them to disregard safety cautions. I would have gotten into a lot of troubles, if I had. No, what I did was treat these workers 'far better' than any of that country's workers had ever been treated. So, what happened was that we had the very best employees in the whole of India - at least the very best among their low-class working population.
The other idea Sebastian gave me, was to actually 'buy' companies that were struggling financially, but which were already equipped with the 'whole package' - which means that the struggling companies with skilled workers, experienced engineers, and the know-how of the trade. I injected these companies with fresh cash and new designs of products, and supplied them with materials that were needed to revive them. This led to their increased loyalty to me, and eliminted any future possibility of them turning against us. Once I was armed with the skill and knowledge of the trade, the whole field was mine to conquer. I attacked aggressively, hid whenever I needed to, and pounced when opportunities presented themselves.
The biggest weapon I had, however, was also my biggest weakness: my age. People severely underestimated me, and my abilities when I first began to crawl out of my shell. Of course, they would! The Ciel Phantomhive whom they remembered was a sweet-talking, warm-hearted, always-smiling adorable child whose shyness always kept him holding onto his father's or his mother's hand at all times.
Imagine their shock the moment they met the current 'Me': the frigid, cynical, hard-headed, clever, never-smiling, always-scowling, merciless king of the game. I let my mean smiles become my trademark, dearly enjoyed making tons of fresh enemies, and I made Elizabeth cry with my refusals to attend parties she threw for me. I flat-out refused to pose for portraits with her or anyone else, for that matter. …Well, I always liked to draw more than I liked to be drawn, and I never liked looking into mirrors unless it was an absolute necessity.
I think it was close to Christmas when I began to work on a piece of painting in absolute secrecy. I knew that Sebastian could sense my thoughts, so I kept it carefully blanked out of my mind until I knew for sure that I was 'left alone'. So, of course, it took forever to finish up. It was nearly summertime when I finally quit adding or erasing the layers of paint and stashed it away, so as not to be seen by anyone. But of course, I couldn't find the perfect timing, nor the reason to get it out of its hiding place to give it to the right person. So it was left and forgotten until the …well, 'the big fire' happened, and it was lost. I did not remember about it until I was on that gondola with Sebastian - on our way to my death.
I truly hated myself when I realized what I had left behind. But when Sebastian noticed my sadness and asked about it, I shook my head and told him it was nothing. I remember thinking, 'it was my best work'.
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Present Time
"Wait." Lucifer muttered, once gain stopping the cinematic record. He remembered the items which Echidna had her warriors bring back from Stolas's palace after it was demolished. He rose from his throne, walking briskly toward the door, and leaping to the storage room where he had ordered the salvaged items be kept in. He ignored all the intricate work of craftsmanship – a lot of which had been done by Stolas himself, but kept focusing his search on 'paintings'.
After half an hour of searching, Lucifer found four – all of which had been found inside the demon prince's characteristically classy private bedroom. Three had been of Stolas's past conquests and the ones which had been drawn by his other 'slaves'. However, he knew by just a single glance which had been done by the child. He picked it up, scrutinizing the work closely for a minute before heading back to the chamber where Ciel Phantomhive was still being interrogated.
Lucifer sat back down, and with a flick of his index finger, the whole cinematic reel disappeared. With an undisguised look of anger, he grabbed the still-unconscious head of Ciel and began plying the boy's memories from 'recent events' – the ones the boy acquired after descending into Hell.
The boy's memories came at him obediently, flowing into his mind like a stream of water. There were no cinematic records for those mortals who had already died, but their memories could form streams of their thoughts along with memories. Lucifer also possessed the ability with which to put these streams of thoughts together much like a real cinematic recored. This was a much familiar task, the one which Lucifer used very often when interrogating suspects of foul play. He localized his search on the most 'relevant' subject and, upon finding the image of the portrait he was after, Lucifer dove inside.
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Ciel POV
When I was actually brought to 'the new world' which was Sebastian's own domain, there it was in his private bedroom, neatly framed in crystal and a myriad gem stones. Of course, I did not have a body back then so I could only get a vague vision of it, but I knew what it was I was being shown.
Sensing the astonishment I was feeling, Sebastian – whose birth name was 'Prince Stolas', as I learned – laughed heartily and asked me how I could ever have thought that I could keep 'that' a secret. I was a bit mortified, but then Sebastian lifted me up in his palms, and let me look at it closer.
"I did not know about it until I was about to leave for Paris with you, my dear Ciel." Sebastian's voice was a whisper and it made me blush for some reason. I was very glad that I did not have a body right then. Sebastian continued in his normal voice, "I especially loved the fact that you added a cat. You don't see one in my world. But, you see… that is why I could not hang it anywhere 'public'. Besides, you signed it at the bottom right corner. It's my personal treasure along with my lapel pin of the Phantomhive family crest. I would like to keep them to myself, you know." Sebastian said, then held me to his chest again. His smile was genuine, just like the one I left on him in the painting.
I retorted, "Well, you did play with that fur ball often enough. Besides, the front steps and the water fountain were always your favorite spots for taking breaks, and I had an excellent view on both to work on the painting." I commented and looked down. Sebastian cupped me more securely in his palms and guided me to my 'room', which I do not recall ever leaving."
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Present Time
"Your Majesty. The Queen has arrived, and she is asking for you." The voice of the guard interrupted Lucifer, and he reluctantly brought himself back to the present.
"Send her in, and bring us both another round of blood wine." Lucifer ordered, and watched as the guard hurried out of the chamber. It would be too much trouble for Lucifer to rewind the reel and watching it all over again. Deciding on just telling her himself and then leaving her to watch it all if she so desired, he switched back from the boy's current memories and back to the continuation of the cinematic record. He knew that the end was near, since the boy had only been with Stolas for a little shy of 4 years.
Lucifer signaled Lilith to be seated beside him before doing anything else, and waited as she shrugged and was seated in the throne beside him. A dimissive shake of her head signaled for Lucifer to continue, and that she had saved her questions for later. Lucifer turned back to the still-unconscious child, and flicked his finger to continue.
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Ciel POV
"Sebastian, Elizabeth - maybe Soma and Agni as well - were most likely the only ones who understood the side of me that still remained unchanged from my earlier life. Aside from my looks, I had lost all traces of a child and people were beginning to whisper nasty things about me. They called me 'a heartless kid', 'an arrogant and vile creature', 'poison', 'an old boy', and a 'vicious puppy' whose bites left many lasting consequences, and that I was a 'dirty fighter'. I was not hurt when I heard all these naysayers. In fact, I enjoyed them immensely, and used it to my advantage whenever possible. I also kept up my studies, eager to get ahead beat the adults.
Before long, the money from my toy company began to flow. Within a year, I finally announced to the world that I was officially ready to become the 'Queen's Guard dog'. At the age of 11, going on twelve, I was by far the youngest Earl of Phantomhive in history. However, Queen Victoria thoght I was ready, and acquainted both me and Sebastian with the full knowledge of what the Phantomhives truly existed for. I could not believe my ears a few times as I listened to my Queen. But looking at Sebastian for assurance and seeing him nod in silent assurance, I just swallowed and accepted the cold facts.
On our way back to the townhouse after finishing up the meeting with the Queen, I was filled with dread, learning the truth about my family heritage, and realized that my family was a cursed one. I felt unusually tired when I left the Queen's castle. By the time Sebastian stopped the coach and opened the door for me to step out, I was spacing out. My mind was racing in a hundred different directions, threatening to throw me into a spiral of negative thoughts.
I did not hear Sebastian calling my attention to alert me of our arrival back at the townhouse. I did not protest when he picked me up and carried me into the townhouse without my instructing him to do so. I hated the way my arms shook a little and my breath caught as I was hoisted into the familiar security of Sebastian's arms. I grimly put my arm around his neck, and closed my eyes as he carried me inside the mansion.
I still said nothing as he bathed me and dressed me for bed, and neither of us said anything when I tugged on his arm to make him stay. I went to sleep, listening to Sebastian's breathing and his faint heartbeat through his clothes, his strong arms sheltering me from the weight of the world. When I opened my eyes the next day – at nearly noon, I began preparing to be the 'Earl of Phantomive' in honest. I no longer had any doubts about where I was going in life."
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Present Time
Lucifer ground his teeth in frustration. He knew that look in Stolas's eyes as he cared for his little master. Especially the way Stolas's eyes followed as the child grimly let his butler bathe and dress him. The downcast eyes of the child caught Stolas's every movement even as his brains worked hard to try and digest the events of the evening. Biology was something that cannot be defeated, and even in this demon prince – his favorite pet raven – it was apparent. This, above all, convinced Lucifer that Stolas was already just one step away from crossing the line.
When Stolas was both literally and physically within his reach, and for as long as Stolas was surrounded by other demon lords and servants, the man was a powerful demon prince whose battle prowess and uncanny intelligence were always in high demand. However, once he was away from the Underworld and was resided in the realm of humans, Stolas was as far from his demonic self as he was allowed to be.
It was also clear that Stolas actually loved the sun, and did not mind spending hours at a time underneath it. Stolas always commented that this was a proof of his demonic power, but Lucifer – as well as the rest of the elder council – knew the truth. The longer Stolas spent under the sun, the more sunlight – and with it, the astral power – he received from the heavens above.
Lucifer growled as he recalled the same downcast look which the cursed angel gave him just before her execution began and Echidna - the acting executioner - moved toward her prey. The look which the angel gave Lucifer then, was of pity. It infuriated Lucifer to no end, because it was aimed at him: King of Fallen Angels. The fallen angel had pitied Lucifer in the very last moments of her life, and whether deliberately or not, she had deprived Lucifer of his desire: watching that angel giving looks of pity toward her cursed son who was also chained to the wall right beside her. She refused to look at her son despite his many pleas and screams and apologies, trying desperately to stop the execution from being carried out. How dare she?! How dare she refuse Lucifer - her ultimate ruler - his pleasure??
Next to Lucifer, Lilith also looked excited over the interesting images that were being shown to her. She could sense Lucifer's distress, and very well knew the reason why, for she had also been with Lucifer when the whole chain of events concerning Asmodeus, his angelic wife, and their sole heir: Stolas happened.
Lilith still remembered every second of the cursed angel's execution, and the very exquisite taste of her wailing son's agony. Of course she knew. She fed on it for so long, until there was barely any sanity - or a majority of memories from his own life - left in the pitiful creature. Also, tormenting the raven prince took the edge off of her rage over the banishment of Asmodeus, for the angels had captured him before neither Lilith nor Lucifer could get their hands on the great demon lord for the crime of loving a human. 'Of course,' Lilith smirked, 'that secret is still kept safe - from the majority of our kingdom.'
Lucifer cursed the young earl in front of him for the millionth time. Why could he not have resided in Belgium, where it rained 300 days a year? And why, above all, did it have to be this particular child who had summoned Stolas in the first place??
The cinematic record was, of course, a summary of one's life, and Lucifer could only get glimpses of a majority of events that had occurred since then. Lucifer expected it to end soon, but he was going to pay very close attention to its every detail, for he needed to know just how bad the damag is. He once again flicked his finger and let the reel run its course.
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Ciel POV
"…Okay. So, maybe I was lying to say that what people said about me did not affect me or hurt me, as the speakers of such hateful words wished me to. I just did not give them the satisfaction. I have become quite adept at acting nonchalantly whenever I walked into a room and people stopped talking. Or whenever I passed such nobles and they snickered or made irritating noises as I passed them by.
However, I 'hit he roof', so to speak, when they used people to badmouth me and my company. Some even went as far as planting false reports and product samples, claiming that my factories and products were not up to the standard they claimed to be. I nearly ordered Sebastian to 'find them and smoke them out, then bring them all back to the manor', so that Sebastian can have all the fun he wished in torturing them and either murder them or devour them. I knew that Sebastian needed such activities once in a while, and I loved to keep him on his toes.
…Well, I actually did issue that order, but Sebastian very wisely refused, stating that by wasting my time on such senseless acts of murder, I would be thrown off course and will never achieve my ultimate goal. I admitted that I was still acting like a child. Therefore, I made them pay a hefty sum of money and issue a public apology after a favorable conclusion of an official investigation by the Scotland Yard. I had the Queen Victoria's blessing as I began anew. The victory - for all its sweetness - left a bitter aftertaste in my mouth. However, this really was nothing compared to Lau's betrayal that came much, much later.
I had never allowed myself to feel these …emotions or the sting that came with these bitter experiences. I always had an antidote to such pains in the name of Sebastian Michaelis. I have always instinctively told myself that there was nothing to fear, because Sebastian was there. That, for as long as I did, I would not have to feel anything as petty as 'emotional pains'. Nope, the quest was all that mattered, and the Queen was the only person whom I served. So long as I had her approval, I did not have to fuss over other trivial matters such as the naysayers, the conspirators, and petty criminals.
Maybe this was why I was so very much affected by Sebastian 'leaving' me later on. I really was kidding myself when I told myself that I could do it - to go back to London on my own. Although I actualy did return to London on my own, I had suspicions that 'He' was watching me from afar.
Of course, the signs were all around me that signaled me something like this was going to happen. First, there was the fact that I have neglected to even 'ask' Sebastian what he needed – not the trivial everyday things, but something as basic as 'biological needs', assuming automatically that he would be taking care of his own 'nutritional needs' without my asking first. The first sign that I have missed was when I ordered him 'not to kill anyone unless we needed to', and that he was 'not allowed to go wandering around without my consent'. I remember Sebastian narrowing his eyes dangerously the first time I gave him these orders.
Sebastian was a servant, but for demons, this type of 'servitude' meant a 'slave-master' relationship. He had probably been in it once too many to even assume that I never knew what I was doing. Instead, he assumed that I knew what demons' most basic needs were, simply because I never asked about them.
The cursed Phantomhive family legacy also played a role in this assumption, because as Sebastian has told me, I am not the only Phantomhive to have descended to Hell. All during our partnership, he had been thinking that I was deliberately starving him, because I allowed him to have such a 'big meal' prior to actually taking him as my servant.
I had a feeling that he was hiding something – some big secret or some …really large request that he was hesitant to voice to me. I did not approach him about such matters, though, and that had been another of my biggest mistakes – no, not 'mistakes'. They were my 'failures' - with Sebastian.
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Present Time
Now, Lucifer was able to see that Stolas had actually been starving himself to a near breaking point, and never informed his master of his dire need to feed. Lucifer sighed. 'Of course,' he thought to himself, 'this is a part of his …acquired nature.' It had been practically Lucifer's own fault that the raven prince automatically thought he deserved to be punished for simply being what he was. Stolas was, after all, an expert in endurance, and especially when it came to 'hunger' and 'physical pain' of all sizes and types.
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Ciel POV
I seriously do not know just what kinds of masters Sebastian has had in his long life, to think that I would actually do something like that deliberately. What had they been like to him? Did they make him work without a break 24/7? Did they use him for their own sickening enjoyment of watching demons starve?? …Well, some of the things that Sebastian told me about the masters of demons were enough to give me nightmares.
It was nearly at the end of our contract that I finally realized what the problem was about. We just finished the Stanley case which revealed Lau's betrayal. I was too exhausted by the whole ordeal, and so I ordered Sebastian to bathe me and put me straight to bed without supper. He insisted on letting him change first, but I refused and told him to do whatever he had to do 'after' he put me in bed and made sure I was sleeping before leaving the room. He sighed, but followed my orders.
Sebastian then got behind me and took his jacket off before he began washing me. I wrinkled my nose when the scent of what was unmistakably 'blood' hit my senses. I knew the smell very well, from the time when I accidentally shot Sebastian in his head. Not only that, but it was accompanied by the scent of rusting iron, sweat, and burned flesh that I was accustomed to smelling from that time when I discovered the manor burning away along with my parents and other occupants; then again while I was in captivity.
Even then, my very tired mind took few minutes to finally decipher the situation – and Sebastian's condition. This resulted in inevitable questionings and eventually orders from me and Sebastian's reluctant replies; then more questionings from me, and his even more reluctant replies.
I cursed myself, because what damages I saw on Sebastian's body that night had been done over a considerable amount of time. The time I wasted writing useless letters to acquaintances who deserted us. Yes, 'us' – myself and Sebastian. The time I had spent lounging in the rickety old chair, and lying on the hard cot.
God knows what more would have happened if I had called him even one minute later? ...Who am I kidding? I know exactly what would have happened. Sebastian would have lost his eyes. I shuddered. It did not matter that even such level of damage would not leave him permanently scarred, or that demons have high pain tolerance. What got to me the most was the fact that the pain he would feel, and the agony he would be subjected to, did not change one bit simply because Sebastian is a demon.
When I asked Sebastian what could be done about his open wounds, he asked me to give him a special permission for him to use what he has called 'a rather radical form of black magic' which requires himself to temporarily return to his true, demonic form. I asked him all the dangers of using such a method in the manor, and asked him to take every precaution he could think of to guard the occupants of the manor against whatever magic he was planning on using. Sebastian agreed, then went down to one of the empty basement rooms to heal himself.
When Sebastian returned, he did not step inside my room, and only spoke to me through the closed door, saying it may not be safe yet for me to admit him into my private chambers. Sebastian was true to his word, and no one noticed anything suspicious, or reported of any strange symptoms or events happening around them. To this day, I have no idea what he had done, nor feel 'right' to ask him such a private question. All I care is that no one got hurt nor was harmed in the slightest as a result, and I had a fully-healed Sebastian beside me once again.
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Present Time
Lucifer stared at the image of the 'damaged' Stolas as he once again put the reel on pause. This was also a very familiar sight - one which only the select few had ever truly 'recognized' as their Prince Stolas, but one which had been seen for countless times, throughout centuries, to blood-thirsty audience. Stolas's description of what had been done to him by the torturer and by the angel Ash/Angela was also delicious to the point of salivating.
"Hmmm… Doesn't he look alluring, darling?" Lilith commented, the tone of her voice sounding higher than when she came in, and her perfectly styled hair dancing in the air was indicative of the energy her excited body was radiating. Lucifer smiled. Ohhh, yes. He could not wait to have his hands on Stolas again. Just killing the raven prince outright would never be enough. He will make the raven pay, and pay dearly, for his betrayal – whether or not it was intentional.
"He will look even more delicious after we are both through with him, my darling wife." Lucifer snickered and flicked his finger to continue the cinematic record, the gentle tone of his voice in stark contrast with thoughts of dark pleasures swirling inside his black, black heart.
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Ciel POV
"So, after spending two days and not seeing the horrible scars fade, I began another line of questioning, and there, the cause of my failure was unveiled. The utter look of astonishment Sebastian gave me when he learned the truth that I really was clueless - was priceless. I could almost hear his voice booming: 'You stupid, useless piece of meat!' He must have wanted to tear me apart right then and there. But of course, he did not. He partly blamed himself for not noticing in the first place, because I was 'a boy' back then and I was 10 years old – barely.
Sebastian refused to 'feed' on me in any way until the contract was complete, so I was able to come to terms with the fact that Sebastian had in fact left me in Paris because he was at his limits. However, I really would have appreciated a warning beforehand.
What he had done in Paris, I learned during the long gondola ride on the Themes River. I am not angry at him for doing what was necessary to keep himself alive.
…I believe that, the event following the confrontation in Paris atop the Eiffel Tower, and which then concluded in the Tower Bridge of London, was an event which was even larger than both me and Sebastian had ever anticipated. It was, after all, a landmark event that would be told over and over again in history books – of not just humans, but in other realms as well.
Watching my Sebastian fight against all odds was both terrifying and fascinating at the same time. Terrifying, because he was fighting all alone and with a missing arm – or so I thought until the cursed spirits began leaving him. The death gods did not seem to be enemies of demons entirely, but were willing to work with both angels and demons if it was in order to keep peace between all co-existing worlds.
Now that I am at the end of my short life, I am strangely devoid of feelings. I do not feel much of anything anymore. Not even when Sebastian explains to me what the strange floating lights are. I feel utterly spent. Exhausted. I have no need for regrets anymore. In front of us, a tiny island of sort emerges out of the curtains of fog.
Upon sensing what that place must be, a strange dull ache spread inside me, and begins eating at whatever peace of mind I have managed to achieve thus far. It annoys me endlessly, and I push it away.
Sebastian picks me up, like he always does, from the gondola. I put my arm around his neck, just as I always have. Nothing seems to change this part about us. Sebastian's reaction to my final words tells me that he is both shocked and pleased by my request. It is the same kind smile that I have seen just after our fight with Ash ended in victory. - Ah, you have no idea how badly I wanted to open my eyes when you were fighting Ash in your true form. You must have been magnificent.
You kneel before me for the last time, and I hear you say 'Yes, my lord' for the last time, as well. Yes, Sebastian, it was fun while it lasted. And, yes, I am grateful that YOU were the one who came for me, and I am entirely willing to seal our deal and complete it.
I see your eyes are glowing, and although I have never told you this, I find them quite beautiful. I can now smell your sweet breath, and watch as your face descend toward mine. …Oh, right. This is what you were talking about earlier, when you said you would save 'that kind of kiss'.
…Neither of us closes our eyes as our lips meet for the first time. Your lips are so soft, Sebastian. …And, yes, it is the best kiss I have ever been given. His eyes reflect some deep emotions, and his tongue begins asking for entrance into my mouth. I nod firmly and open my mouth. Of course, Sebastian needs the passage open in order to extract my soul.
I am entirely yours, as I have been ever since you became mine. Do whatever you see fit with my soul. I just hope that its taste is worth all your troubles. And, whatever it is worth, I wish you well."
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Present Time
"Awww… How touching." Lilith commented as the reel ran itself out and stopped; her voice full of sarcasm. Next to her, Lucifer growled. It was very clear to him that Stolas had changed his plan the moment after he heard Ciel Phantomhive's last words. He was also convinced now that it was this child's love – yes, love – for Stolas that had ultimately changed the raven prince.
"Now that we know what happened and what is about to happen…" Lucifer smiled maliciously, "Let's start with Phantomhive. I want him hurt. I want him broken, and I want him to suffer. Stolas knows all our tricks, and he will know whatever we do to him instantly the moment he sees the child."
"I want in, and I want my fair share of time with the raven, as well. I want to make him relive everything." Lilith's blood red lips threatened to touch her ears with her maniacal smile. "It will be the most delicious show ever!" Her hysterical laughter once again filled the room, echoing against the stone walls.
"Lilith, darling, let us plan a grand homecoming ceremony for our pet raven. Shall we?" Lucifer asked Lilith with glowing eyes, and she laughed hysterically; a sure sign that she was just as excited as he.
"Yes, let's. But, please remember that all I want is the fun. He is yours to end." Lilith made her position clear, knowing she would get what she wanted, so long as she respected her husband's territories. He smiled contentedly.
Ciel Phantomhive was clearly the raven prince's 'Achilles' Heel'. If Lucifer could keep the raven while using the boy as the pressure point or as bait in order to use him to his heart's content, both he and Lilith could have a lot of fun with the two would-be prisoners. It was too bad that they were past that point now.
"First, we had better wake this child." Lucifer said as he cast his hand out to the still-unconscious earl, and woke him up with a tap on his forehead.
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Present Time - Ciel POV
I was dazed, and tried to look around for a brief moment without being able to comprehend much of anything. I shook my head to clear away the cobwebs that had taken residence inside my head. The moment I came fully awake, however, I wished I had stayed asleep. The now-familiar cold stone floor was a sight I most dreaded, and then I felt my heart drop to the said floor at the sight of Lucifer.
I did not recognize the woman who was standing next to the king of fallen angels, but the aura she radiated downright frightened me. Annoyed, I pushed down my growing fear and dread – not for myself, but for Sebastian, because I remembered that Lucifer had forcibly opened my cinematic record earlier. I sensed now that they had seen everything – or whatever was important in my life's memories. I shook my head again to clear my thoughts, then forced myself to think only of Sebastian.
"Ohhh…" She began as she approached me, her feet encased in a pair of elegant 5-inch heeled boots. "Well, allow me to introduce myself. I am Lilith, the wife of Lucifer." Lilith's name made me swallow hard, but it was not entirely unexpected. I faced the royal demon couple defiantly.
"I am Ciel Phantomhive, the last Earl of Phantomhive." I announced in reply, standing on my feet, with my head held high. "My master is Prince Stolas, the son of great lord Asmodeus, and I have been under his ownership for the past …7 to 8 months." I was proud of myself for staying level-headed.
Sebastian had schooled me on this subject in the first year of our contract. What demons first focus on, are the person's eyes, for their eyes are the windows to their souls. Secondly, what demons most look for as the weakness in humans are their emotions. Demons feed on emotions – especially the dark kinds – and use them as pressure points in order to break a person.
"Young master. If you ever come across a demon in the human world, and I just happened to be not by your side, call me. If I am not there in time to rescue you, then know this: show no emotion. If this is not possible, then stay level-headed. Clear your mind of all thoughts, and then focus on something – anything – that will keep you stable, and prevent you from going into panic or shock."
These were the words from Sebastian. I had no idea how good this teaching will be, when I am faced with two of the most powerful demons to ever exist in all of Hell, but this was the only knowledge I am given to hold onto.
"You impressed me, Ciel Phantomhive…" Lucifer commented while getting up on his feet and approaching me in a deliberate manner. I stayed silent, my determined gaze following the great demon as he descended the very short stairs one by one, until he was again inches away from me. "You have managed to pull a high-class demon down from his throne without using force. Not only that, you have managed to turn him against me." With that, Lucifer grabbed me by my jacket collar, and lifted me until my small frame was dangling in the air. I struggled, trying to dislodge Lucifer' s hand. Lilith laughed harshly, and I heard Lilith approach us.
"Ahhh… This one really makes me laugh." She said as she inched closer to my face. I grimaced once she licked me from my chin up to the temple. I allowed himself to display my repulsion to Lilith's touch, but it soon turned into an expression of shock as her lips – and fangs – descended right over my jugular, prickling the skin and making me sweat. I cursed myself for it, but it was too late. "No, not yet." She cooed, then had a silent conversation with her husband before receiving a nod of approval.
I gasped as she took me off of Lucifer's hand and roughly tossed me in the air, pulling a sharp dagger from the sheath tied at her hip, and made a series of lightning-fast swing motion before I fell to the floor. I cried out as my bare skin met the cold, hard stone. I was horrified to discover that all the clothes I had been wearing were gone. They fell around me like over-sized confetti seconds later. I was instantly speechless.
"That's better." Lilith commented, her eyes gaining a dangerous gleam once she saw the Mark of the Beast on my torso. "You won't need it, where you are going." She announced with a smirk. The words chilled me far more than the freezing air of this place ever could.
"Now, shall we move on to the next show?" Lilith said, then issued an order in a language I did not understand, and gestured for the guards to get moving.
The guards were gone in a flash, but were back a minute later – with two squirming, yelling humans I had never seen before. One was a young-looking auburn-haired woman dressed in a provocative black dress. The other was a brown-haired man who was dressed more like a scholar on a research trip. They were both clothed, but were also hurt and their feet were encased in shackles. "None of you should miss this show. Let King Lucifer show you exactly what your mighty 'lord' Stolas really is."
With that, Lilith threw me toward the other two prisoners, making me yelp as my body stopped a few feet in front of the other two. She then pulled her whip out and struck the shackled feet of the other two, instantly forcing them to drop to the ground.
Lucifer approached me with glowing eyes and a cold smile.
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Ciel POV
Lucifer's fingertips touch my forehead; the heel of his palm presses into my eyes, and all at once there is blackness.
I am falling. Or, at least, it feels that way, as different shades of the same sort of black begin to drip like paint down the backs of my eyelids, and the floor seems to have given way. The touch of Lucifer's hand seems to slowly fade, until I am nothing, just me, feeling the ropes on my wrists only vaguely now. I am blind.
And then I see a flash of—white, or something pale. Have the lights gone out? Am I still in the palace? I cannot tell—but there, again, something moving. And a sound—like a woman's laughter.
I recognize that tone and pitch, the rise and fall. Lilith. She has laughed enough at me these past hours.
Slowly my eyes adjust to whatever I am seeing. There is no air here; I feel nothing at all, but I can see into the dimness. Slowly they come into focus: Lilith, with her pale hair; Lucifer, darker than she; and someone else—I cannot make them out—someone else, on their hands and knees between the King and Queen of Hell. Whoever it is, their face is hidden by long, dark, ragged hair.
All three are naked, but Lilith is the only one flaunting her nudity; I try to turn my eyes away, disgusted, but something is keeping my gaze focused straight ahead.
"Don't look away," cooes Lucifer's voice in my ear, from somewhere far, far away.
The prostrate figure, I see, is male, and his body is sickly thin and wasted almost to the bone. He looks human, but the aura radiating from him screams demonic heritage. Demon or no, he is weak. I can see his chest heave with the labor of breathing; his white, white knuckles and dirtied fingertips scrape in vain at the floor. He is winged, as well: thick black wings with rich feathers, the only part of him that looks healthy. But even they droop over his shoulderblades and trail upon the floor.
Lilith leans forward and grips the back of the prostrate one's neck. If he were human I would call him a young man, perhaps seventeen, from the lithe look of his body. She grips hard with her long-nailed fingers, and pushes down on his head, forcing it toward the floor.
"Have you forgotten your place?" she says, smiling in a manner that is sickly sweet and nauseating. "My dear—"
With a smile that matches his Queen's, Lucifer, seemingly enthroned upon the air, scissors apart his impossibly perfect legs. Lilith pushes the young man's head in between and tightens her fingers.
"Well? Go on," she hisses.
"Please," says the young man, "please, Your Majesties, I—I am so tired."
A jolt seizes me. I know that voice.
I know that voice. The first voice I heard before I was brought back into the light, the last voice I heard before I died, the voice that spoke to me every day of my life for three years.
It is Sebastian.
Lilith's smile becomes a snarl. "Impudence," she growls, and pushes violently on Sebastian's head—a noise that sounds shockingly like a whimper comes from him. "Do it. It's all you're good for anyway."
His shoulders sag, and—obeisantly!—he follows her orders.
I don't want to look. Heaven knows I don't want to look. Thankfully the view of it is blocked by Lucifer's leg, and all I can see is Lilith, standing smugly over Sebastian—my Sebastian—with one foot on his back.
Hatred curls in my chest. How dare they? How dare they do this to him, force him to humiliate himself?
There is a slick sound and I hear Sebastian say, "Please—please, I don't want to."
I have never heard him beg, or even sound as if he were on the verge of begging. Sebastian does not beg. I see his head fall, ever so slightly, and for a moment I glimpse his closed eyes, and the way his long, black eyelashes fall on his skin—yes, it is him. I cannot doubt it.
"No matter," Lilith snarls. "Do not be impudent."
Sebastian bites his lip—his arms are trembling with the effort of holding him aloft above the floor. "I did not mean to—offend, I—please, it's been—"
"Do not question your orders, slave!" Lilith shrieks, then, and she pushes down hard with her foot. Sebastian, with a small yelp of surprise, collapses under the force of her foot, elbows jutting out on the floor.
Lucifer crosses his legs and smiles.
Lilith, however, seems decidedly unhappy. She lifts her foot. "Back up," she barks. "Up, worthless wretch—"
With difficulty, Sebastian lifts himself up, but his head still hangs down at his collarbone; his knees buckle again as Lilith suddenly crouches, and crawls astride his back, as if he were a horse or beast of burden.
I am beginning to feel sick inside, looking at him like this.
"You will obey your rulers," Lilith says, her voice dripping with honey and venom. "Shall I teach you what the consequences are of disobedience?"
Sebastian opens his mouth to speak, but before he can, Lilith reaches down and curls her long-nailed fingers around one of the black feathers at his shoulderblades. Smiling nastily, she tightens her grip—and tears it out.
Sebastian jerks, and a small noise of pain escapes his lips, but he does not move to return his head to Lucifer's body; instead, he tightens his clutching on the ground, as if for support.
"Oooh, stubborn," Lilith says, and shrieks with laughter, and gathers handfuls of his feathers and rips them out. Black blood, thin as water, spurts up from Sebastian's shoulders, and this time he screams.
He screams, but he does not buckle, and his milk-white teeth are crushed into his lips until their bleed as well.
I cannot move, but I can feel my face going slack-jawed in horror. No. What are they doing to him? Why?
Lucifer touches a finger to his grinning lips, and watches the show with lowered eyelids.
Lilith cleaves feather after feather from Sebastian's shoulders, arm muscles taut, pulling and shredding with reckless abandon; Sebastian screams and screams, and his blood lands on Lilith's bare body and she screams with glee.
No. No. My eyes begin to sting. He looks so…defeated.
He buckles, then, but she does not relinquish him, and as he lies helpless on the floor, his feathers fall, black and soft and covered in blood, around him. He screams until it seems he has no voice left, and then the hoarse whisperings of pain and sobs sear from his throat.
He cries. They do not see, but I do.
"Stop," I whisper, but they cannot hear me and Lilith does not stop. She pulls at his wings, she bares their tips to the white, slick bone, she scrapes at his ragged shoulderblades until they bleed in long dark gashes. "Stop—don't—you're hurting him." No. Stop.
It's all I can fathom to say. I can't watch, I can't stop watching—she'll tear him to shreds, and his screams are still burning in my ears.
"Please," I say, a bit louder; there are tears in my eyes. No. This is my Sebastian—this is the only person in the world I've ever found myself capable to love—how can they hurt him? How can they hurt my Sebastian? "Stop—please!" And he howls in pain and my heart is breaking.
Of course, they do not listen.
Hours seem to pass, and I look hatefully on in horror as Lilith strips every feather from Sebastian's wings, until they hover in mere skeletons over his gasping body. His face is shining with tears, the whites of his red eyes pink. He is defeated.
Lilith is gasping for breath, she has laughed so long. Lucifer looks quietly on as she rips the last of the blackness from Sebastian's wings.
She leans over him then, and whispers in his ear. Her whisper rings in echoes around the room.
"Just like your mother," she says.
He is too far gone to hear her.
With those words, she leans back again. She wraps her fingers around the bones protruding from his back.
She cannot possibly do what I suspect she is. No—anything but that. No. It will kill him, surely!
"Just like your mother," she says, more of a shriek this time, and with a roar of laughter she rips the bones of his wings out of his shoulderblades.
Sebastian's scream builds up and builds up, quiet at first, and then louder, and then heart-rending, and he is thrown into racking spasms of pain and blood pours from his back and his beautiful tear-tracked face contorts, he screams and screams, begs, pleads, curls up and rakes at his forehead to draw the pain somewhere else, anywhere else, anywhere, anywhere, please, please.
I scream with him.
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Present Time - Ciel POV
The sight of the palace crashes into my eyes and I am still screaming.
I can barely see my captors through my tears. Lucifer has drawn his hand away. Still seared on my eyes is the vision of Sebastian, so broken, so tormented, lying on the floor surrounded by his own black blood.
Lilith laughs at me, once.
My scream peters out into a hoarse gasp and oxygen—or whatever it is that I breathe—throws itself back into my lungs. I let my head drop and my bound shoulders sag.
What had they done to him?
My tears fall in small puddles on the floor.
There is a hand in my hair; it grips hard and wrenches my head up, pushes my Adam's apple out, making it jut. Dull pain blossoms through my skull.
Lilith looks down at me, smirking. "Did you enjoy that, love?"
Oh, what I wouldn't give to be able to bite down, hard, on her horrible tainted hands. I bare my teeth at her, every vein in my forehead beginning to tic.
"Oooh! Angry. How delicious." Lilith releases my head. "How is that for you, my dear King?" she calls, over her shoulder, to Lucifer. "Have you seen everything you need to?"
"I'm not quite sure," Lucifer purrs, touching a finger to his lips and observing me—me, breathing hard, filling my eyes with as much hatred as I can and shooting it at them through my gaze. "He certainly seems—touched. What do you say, my Queen? Shall we show him more of his precious Sebastian?"
"Don't you dare call him that!" I shriek at them, angered beyond reason at hearing his name, the name I gave him, pass their horrible lips. "That name is mine to say!"
"And passionate, too," Lilith says, voice slow as syrup. "Lucifer, my dear, I think we have reason to believe that the rumors are true!"
"Love," says Lucifer musingly, still smiling that too-wide smile. "What an all-consuming taboo."
My heart drops into my stomach.
Oh, no. What have I done? Damn you, Ciel, letting your emotions get the better of you! What were you told?! Show no emotion!
Lucifer spins maddeningly on his heel, and steps lightly to the writing-desk situated only a few feet away. The blood-red quill standing up from the inkwell there seems twitching to be used.
He takes it up, fills its well, touches it down to the paper. Pauses, lifts it, looks at me.
"I feel in the mood for a bit of irony, Lilith, my darling," he says, staring at me with a lust in his eyes that I do not like at all.
"Oh?"
Lucifer saunters to me, holding the quill aloft.
"How is this for you, my Queen?" he says, kneeling before me, taking my chin in his hand and wrenching my head up. A small noise of pain escapes me; must he be so rough? "Shall we sign dear Stolas' death warrant...in his precious master's blood?"
My heart drops even further.
"How delightfully symbolic!" Lilith squeals, in morbid glee.
I cannot struggle. Lucifer's quill, its sharp tip, touches on the side of my neck, and in one slash carves a long line across its surface.
I flinch. I cannot die from such a cut, not in this form, but it hurts still; I can feel the warmth of my blood blooming down my throat.
Lucifer grins as he fills the well with my blood, and then he lets me go.
I cannot look. I turn my face away as he touches the bloodied quill to the death warrant; I close my eyes as tight as they can be as he scratches out the signature.
What have I done?
Something stirs in my stomach: anger. Anger of a sort I have not known in a long, long time. That, and...an ache, in my chest. Sadness. Horrible, suffocating—sadness.
"I'm sorry, Sebastian," I whisper, soft enough that only I can hear it, but I pray harder than I have ever prayed that he can hear it, too. "I'm...so sorry..."
A sob breaks from me. I disregard pride now, and let myself collapse onto the palace floor, curling into a pathetic bound ball not unlike Sebastian himself, in that horrible room, surrounded by the ruins of his wings.
I whisper my apology into the floor, over and over, tears falling like rain from my eyes.
I'm so sorry, so sorry, so sorry, so sorry. I love you. I love you, I love you so much, Sebastian, and I have killed you.
I have killed you.
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Present Time
Lucifer looked down at the wailing child with an expression of satisfaction and superiority.
Lilith released her trademark sadistic laughter, her eyes shining with blood-lust and something else no one wanted to understand.
She then aimed her whip at the two stricken humans, and ordered them to get back on their feet.
"I see that neither of you are fit for 'our' consumption. I want you two to make yourselves useful elsewhere – until your 'lord' returns with our emissaries." Lilith declared, then looked toward Lucifer and waited until she received a nod of agreement. "You!" She yelled at one of the guards. "Take the bitch to the fighting ring, and throw in a cell. The one our pet raven used to be."
"What should be her assignment?" The guard asked.
"Keep the warriors entertained. Give her to the winners of each battle. I don't care what they do with her, so long as they keep her alive. We will summon her once Stolas returns." Lilith ordered the guard, and watched the horrified expression of the woman as she was taken away by the guard with a smirk. The other prisoner – the man – closed his ears with his hands as the wailing of the woman slowly faded away.
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*Continue on to the next chapter: Chapter 9i– "Watching the Scales Tilt – SEBASTIAN"
*Coming up – Sebastian finally turns his back on Hell and its rulers.