The phone rang, and J.J. opened his eyes, squinting at the number through his sunglasses. "Hand me that, would ya, Sam baby?" he asked, beckoning for an attractive woman in a bikini to bring him his beer. Sam stopped massaging his back and reached for his phone, handing it to him as J.J. took a swig from the bottle.

"Daddy-o. Aloha."

"How ya doing, kiddo?"

"In Hawaii, getting a massage from a hot dame in a bikini while another serves me a beer."

Joker chuckled. "You always want your kids to have better than what you had!" he sighed wistfully. "Your mother don't look that great in a bikini anymore."

"What's that, puddin'?" came Harley Quinn's voice.

"Just talking to J.J., pumpkin, he's very busy with work!" called Joker.

"Aw, tell him to take a break and have some fun, sweetie!" called Harley.

"You heard your mother," laughed Joker.

"I'll try my best, but y'know how…oooh, Sam, right there!...committed I am to the job," said J.J., grinning.

"Yeah, I wouldn't tear myself away if I were you," giggled Joker. "Anyway, if you do manage to find some free time soon, you and Leenie should stop by and see us on the island."

J.J. took another swig of beer. "Yeah, sounds like fun, Daddy-o," he said. "I'll head back to Gotham to pick up Leenie and give you a call when we're on the way."

"Okie dokie, kiddo. Don't work too hard now!"

"Well, you know what they say. All work and no play makes J.J. a dull boy, isn't that right, Sammie?" chuckled J.J., grinning at her.

Joker laughed. "Have fun, kiddo. See you soon!"

J.J. hung up the phone, handing it back to Sam and then shutting his eyes again, sighing happily.

"Excuse me, sir," said his butler, coming over to him. "But there's a Miss Isley to see you."

J.J. beamed. "Good old Aunt Ivy!" he exclaimed, sitting up. "I'll be back in a second, ladies, don't go anywhere," he said. "Please show her to my study, Hamill."

J.J. entered the study to see Poison Ivy waiting for him. She hadn't aged – something about her plant hybridization delayed the physical signs of aging, and she looked just as young and attractive as she always did.

"Kind of you to come see me, Aunt Ivy," he said, shutting the door.

"Well, I've just been visiting your parents and I thought I'd look in on my favorite nephew," she said, smiling at him.

"Hawaii isn't exactly on the way to Gotham," he replied, going over to the window and pulling the blinds. "How are Mommy and Daddy-o?"

"They seem happy as usual. It's a nice island you bought them. You're such a good son."

"I do my best," he replied. "Would you like a drink?"

"No, thank you," she said. He poured one for himself in silence.

"How's your sister?" asked Ivy.

"She's busy. Fighting Batman, y'know, continuing the family business," said J.J., sipping his drink. "Waste of time in my opinion, but Leenie's a bit of an obsessive. She gets that from both our parents."

"You don't consider yourself an obsessive?" asked Ivy.

"I am a man of business. I do the business that will make me wealthy, and the rest of the time I spend pursuing my own pleasures. Nothing obsessive about that," retorted J.J.

"Yes, I've heard about your pleasures," she replied, grinning. "A man with the taste for the finer things, they say."

"Again, I do my best," he replied. "But I do confess to having exquisite taste."

"Yeah. It's a nice place you've got," said Ivy, nodding at the room. "You've certainly done well for yourself, J.J."

"I have," he agreed. "And unlike my sister, I can be content with success. When a man has everything, why should he strive for more?"

"And do you have everything, J.J.?" asked Ivy, quietly.

"What's missing?" he asked.

She looked at him and said nothing, just smiled. "You must stay a few days, Aunt Ivy, and soak up the sun," he said. "I know you enjoy the sun."

"Thank you, J.J., that's kind," she replied.

"Not at all. It's kind of you to visit," he said. He looked at her and smiled. "I must say, I'm offended by your formality, Aunt Ivy. After all, we're practically family. Aren't you going to kiss your favorite nephew?" he murmured.

She smiled back and approached him, pecking him on the lips. He immediately seized her in his arms and forced his tongue into her mouth, and she sucked on it, returning the kiss with equal passion. He slammed her down on the desk, continuing to kiss her as his hands began working at her clothing.

"I promise I'll be a very good boy for you, Aunt Ivy," he whispered, grinning.

She grinned back. "You'd better be, J.J., or you'll get a spanking from your Auntie. And you wouldn't want that, would you, you naughty boy?"

"Mmm, don't tempt me, Auntie," he whispered, grinning and sliding a hand up her skirt.

"Oh, J.J.!" she gasped. "Oh, J.J., I just can't stop thinking about you! When I was with other men, I couldn't stop thinking about you! I couldn't stop wishing I was in bed with you! I don't know what's wrong with me! You're like a drug – I need you, like flowers need the sun and the rain! I've never felt this way about a man before!"

He giggled. "I'd like to think my incredible charm, manhood, and stamina is to thank for that, but the truth is so much simpler. Frankly put, my dear Auntie, you never had a nephew before. The forbidden and the wrong excites you - you're like my mother in that respect. And although we are not blood relations, you must admit if anyone knew about this, they would judge it as forbidden and wrong. After all, you looked after me when I was a child. It's kinda sick to think I could father a child in you right now, isn't it, Auntie dear?"

"Oh, J.J., harder!" gasped Ivy.

"And of course we mustn't forget my resemblance to my father," continued J.J. "The fact that he is the Joker, the ultimate forbidden and wrong man, and doubly so to you, since he's always been your best friend's romantic partner. You could never have him, and this made you secretly want him, didn't it, Aunt Ivy? It's all right, you can admit it."

"I fantasized about him sometimes," she murmured, clasping him tighter to her.

He chuckled. "I know you did. He knows you did. You're that type of woman, a lover of the dangerous and the forbidden. But your friendship with my mother ensured you would never have him. You could never hurt her by cheating with him. But now…now you can have your nephew and him all at once. It's no wonder you're so obsessed with me, Aunt Ivy. I am your perfect, wrong man."

"Oh, J.J.! Oh, J.J.! That's it!" she groaned, arching her back. They both paused, panting for breath, and she kissed him tenderly. "Not to ruin your theory, Professor, but it may also be because you're an incredible lover who knows just how to please a lady, endowed with an ample ability to do that," she murmured, grinning.

"That too," he agreed, smiling. "I had an exceptional teacher. But I daresay you've had incredible lovers before. So why can't you give me up?" he whispered, licking her cheek.

"Because…J.J…I love you," she whispered.

He paused, gazing at her. Then he grinned. "I love you too, Auntie," he whispered, licking her other cheek.

She turned his face to look into her eyes. "I'm being serious," she murmured. "It's no joke, J.J."

He stared at her, and then grinned again. "I'm afraid I'm not a very serious man, Aunt Ivy. I take everything as a joke. It's my defining feature, just like my father."

"J.J., stop, please," she murmured, pushing him gently away. "I didn't come here just to have another fling with you. I wanted to know…how you feel about me. Really."

J.J. sighed, standing up and pouring himself a drink. "You know I'll always be grateful to you, Aunt Ivy," he murmured. "You were my first. You taught me how to pleasure a woman. I imagine that's also why you're so fond of me – you molded me as a lover to suit your needs and desires. But if you wanted us to be anything else but casual lovers…"

"What?" she asked, as he trailed off.

"I just…I'm not sure how it would work," he murmured. "I'm not a serious man, or a committed man, and of course I would never want to hurt you, not after all you've done for me, not after all we've been through together. I would rather keep things as they are. To spare you pain, more than anything else."

"To spare me pain?" she repeated. She suddenly grew angry. "So you can go off and enjoy all those other little floozies guilt-free, is that it?"

"I won't apologize for the man I am," he snapped, whirling around to her. "I won't be made to feel guilty because I'm not my mother. She is a woman with a burning, committed passion for one man, but she is also crazy. I did not inherit either of those attributes. Yes, I am a man who enjoys beautiful women. All kinds of beautiful woman, and I've no desire to commit myself to any of them. I shouldn't have to apologize for that. Monogamy is a construct of society, and nothing more. I will not feel guilty for not being part of society. I thought you of all people would understand that, Aunt Ivy."

"I understand that you are a selfish and heartless little brat who lives only for his own pleasures, and can't love anyone!" shrieked Ivy.

"That is untrue," he murmured. "I love my parents. I love my sister. I took a bullet for her once. I love myself. But I do not love you, Aunt Ivy," he murmured, staring at her. "Either accept that and continue as we are, or go. It makes little difference to me."

Ivy gaped at him and then whirled around, storming from the room, tears in her eyes. He watched her go, sipping on his drink, not saying a word, and not smiling.