So an extra long chapter for all my lovely readers I was going to split it up but I thought nah!
I hope you like this and I really want to reach 100 reviews with this story! So please just take a minute to review. Let me know if you are enjoying it! :D
AN: I have no bet so any errors are my own and I've corrected all the ones I could find!
When they get back in to the flat Sherlock swiftly hangs his trademark blue scarf and coat up and with his usual grace throws himself on the sofa with an irritated huff. John watches as Sherlock literally assaults the poor sofa with his long body and fails to hide his amusement at his dramatic pose.
"What's the matter with you?" he asks although he suspects that he already knows the answer.
"Bored!" Sherlock huffs out like a petulant child. Of course he is, John thinks.
"We just had a case, Sherlock." He replies patiently and watches as Sherlock removes his arm from his face to scowl at John's attempts to placate him.
"Oh please, John! That was barely a 4! I need something to occupy my mind or it will rust and become vacant like the rest of the people in the world." He rants, his arms gesturing wildly in front of him as he ignores the annoyed look John sends him at the implication that he is vacant.
"Where are all the clever ones!" he cries out and shoves his head into a pillow awaiting John's reply.
But John's too quiet, he peeks out from the pillow to see that his face has taken a solemn edge. Sherlock does not need his skills of deduction to know that he is thinking of Moriarty. He feels a twinge of guilt for causing that look on John's face. In the past he had always been able to keep himself distant from his emotions and those of others. Divorce himself from his feelings. But John…he's under his skin now. Connected to him. He wants to be even closer to John; he wants to learn things that he never felt were important before and explore every detail of John both physically and mentally. Perhaps I can use this time to my benefit he muses.
"Sorry…" he mumbles surprising John out his thoughts and continues "What shall we do for the rest of the day then?".
John starts slightly. Sherlock has never, ever, suggested that they do something together unless it was for a case; otherwise it was usually John who comes up with the suggestions. Combine that with the fact he just apologised and it makes John momentarily wonder if he is dreaming. He looks at Sherlock who is watching him back and can feel an excitement tingle throughout his body at the thought spending the day with Sherlock. To have his complete attention is something very rare and at the same time very daunting. Then an idea clicks into place in his mind and he moves in front of Sherlock unable to hide his slightly mischievous smile.
"Cluedo?" Sherlock asks eyeing John's mischievous grin and the way he is rocking on his heels. He takes in the image and vehemently ignores the word cute that's trying to press its way into his mind.
"No! Definitely not." John half shouts shuddering at the horror he went through the last time they played it. Never again.
"What then?" Sherlock asks his curiosity piqued as John's smile grows wider and he gains a triumphant glint in his dark blue eyes.
"I have a different game in mind and the winner gets to give the loser one order that he has to follow! Any order at all." John says with glee and quells the urge to rub his hands together. He knows exactly what game they can play that John has a shot at winning and this way he can get Sherlock to go with him to meet Lestrade and Molly.
Sherlock feels himself go uncharacteristically still at John's words. He has to follow… A million possibilities are flowing through his mind. He could make John give him his cigarettes. Or he could finally finish his experiments on human eyes. John still wouldn't let him microwave them. He could make John walk around naked for the entire day. He lingers on that particular thought. He could make John kiss him… he could make John…do anything. He swallows heavily and wonders why his thoughts have moved so quickly to sex. He had never been interested before and now ever since his realisation his fingers itch to touch. This opportunity is just too good to pass up.
Unknown to Sherlock John's mind is going to similar thoughts causing his body to heat with a peculiar combination of want and guilt. The idea that he can get Sherlock to do anything if he agrees is tantalising. He wonders if the eyes he had seen in his dreams, dark with want and so very human, would be the same if he were to make Sherlock kiss him. He would never force Sherlock to kiss him but he finds that now the thoughts have entered his mind. They are refusing to budge.
"What game is it?" Sherlock asks noting the pink tinge across John's cheeks and the way he avoids his eyes causing him to wonder what he is thinking about.
"Trivial Pursuit" John replies crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow at the puzzled look on Sherlock's face.
"What's that? Why would I want to play anything that is trivial?" Sherlock questions although he sits up on the sofa clearly interested.
"It's a general knowledge quiz and the more answers you get right the more likely you are to win." John answers with a challenging look on his face daring Sherlock to say yes.
Sherlock immediately realises that he has no chance at winning; all the information he will need is most likely deleted and John's head is probably full of it.
"No." he answers curtly.
"Why not?" John questions as he realises that telling Sherlock about the game was probably not the best move.
"Because you know you will win, so I see no point in playing. Besides it sounds…tedious." He replies standing up and narrowing his eyes at the scheming doctor stood in front of him. Clearly he wants to Sherlock to do something that he thinks he can't get him to do just by asking. John shifts under his gaze but continues to argue his point.
"Oh so is it too much for the Great Sherlock Holmes to handle? A simple quiz game and an 'average' mind". He goads willing Sherlock to take the bait.
Sherlock roll his eyes at how obvious John is being and retorts "John, you are far from average".
This causes John's mouth to snap shut, his reply lost and he looks at Sherlock who stares back. The seconds tick by and he can feel his heartbeat rocket when he realises that neither one of them has looked away. People who are friends don't look at each other like this and for this long. He finally breaks his eyes away from that hypnotic gaze and clears his throat nervously.
"Rock paper scissors?" Sherlock suggests seemingly oblivious to the strangeness of their lingering eye contact. He remembers when John had explained it to him after he saw some children playing it. Of course it made no logical sense there is no way a piece of paper could actually beat rock…
"No" John answers back almost as quickly as he did at the suggestion of Cluedo; which Sherlock still did not understand he hadn't been that bad.
"Why not?" he asks puzzled at John's rejection at his choice of game.
"Because you cheat" John replies making his way to the kitchen. The conversation had evidently increased his need for tea immensely.
Sherlock stands watching John pull out two mugs and clatter around the kitchen avoiding Sherlock's experiments with care.
"I do not cheat! I merely observe" he responds indignantly at the accusation that he would even need to cheat.
"Well that is cheating in my book" John says not looking up as he steeps the bags vaguely realising that they are bickering like an old married couple.
"Well your book is wrong." Sherlock answers accepting the now finished tea and makes his way to the armchair opposite John's.
He looks up when John laughs a little and shakes his head. "Right because you…what was it? 'You observe everything and then deduce everything, eliminate the impossible and whatever is left must be the truth'."
He really is the only one who reads my website, Sherlock thinks letting a smile pull at his face. The fact that John had even bothered to read it let alone remember what he put makes him ridiculously happy. The fact that it makes him so happy also makes him feel slightly nauseous; when had be become so emotional?
Of course he will never admit anything to that effect and merely replies with a smirk "That's because it works and it annoys you that I can predict what you are going to pick even before you know".
"Why are we even arguing about this?"John asks smiling into his tea.
"I have no idea." Sherlock answers finding John's happy face infectious.
"You shock me." John answers dryly.
Sherlock puts his tea down and steeples his fingers together in preparation to interrogate his friend.
"You have some ulterior motive for suggesting that game and those specific conditions. Don't you?" he calmly accuses relishing in John's reaction.
"No I don't!" John denies, taking another big sip of his tea and looking anywhere but Sherlock.
Sherlock decides to not draw this charade out any longer. "This wouldn't have anything to do with Lestrade and Molly would it?"
"How do you even…" John asks trailing off in amazement.
Sherlock decides not to dignify that with a verbal response and settles for raising an eyebrow expectantly. John rolls his eyes and chides himself for believing he could get anything past Sherlock.
"Fine, yes. Greg invited us out for a drink to celebrate with him and Molly that you're... you're back." John explains avoiding the word alive.
Sherlock lets out a small hum but otherwise says nothing causing John to break the silence again.
"So will you?" he asks.
"Will I what?" Sherlock asks knowing that he is being deliberately obtuse.
"Will you come?" John asks with an exasperated huff.
"I would rather watch day time TV with Mrs Hudson" he drawls hating the thought of a crowded pub. But then he looks at John's pleading face and suddenly the prospect of going doesn't seem so bad. Damn.
"Is that a no?" John asks hesitantly. "Come on, Sherlock! It will be fun."
"Fine…" he concedes but only for the prospect of seeing John drunk.
"Please! We can only stay for a while if you really hate it...wait what?" John enquires with a slightly dopey expression on his face; which is not particularly endearing.
"I said fine, John." Sherlock repeats stressing the word 'fine'.
"I heard you I just…"he says looking slightly shell-shocked.
"What? I can be sociable" Sherlock bristles knowing that he is anything but sociable.
"I just…wow. Ok. Brilliant." John smiles sitting back in his chair.
"Good." Sherlock nods accepting his fate frowning when John's mobile rings knowing who the caller must be.
"Oh hello, Mary" he answers getting up from his seat sending an apologetic look to Sherlock and moves up to his bedroom.
Mary, he had almost forgotten her. John's girlfriend. The outlying variable. She had been pleasant enough when he had met her but the reality is that she is going to take John away from him. She has rights to John that that he can never claim to possess. She is a part of John's heart, his body and his mind. His throat tastes bitter to his tongue and his muscles tense as he thinks about everything John and Mary must have done together. He contemplates everything he wants from John and the likelihood that he can attain it. He needs to face this realistically. And for the first time in a long while Sherlock is unsure if John will pick him and that uncertainty is as venomous and unyielding as poison. It perforates his mind.
John makes his way to his bedroom listening to Mary talk to him about her day and asks after Sherlock.
"He's fine, thank you Mary." He replies warmly.
"Good, so are you free tomorrow night?" she asks her voice a pleasant distraction from his thoughts of Sherlock.
"I'm going out with Sherlock tomorrow night to meet up with Lestrade and Molly, how about the day after?" He asks.
"That sounds fine. Who are Lestrade and Molly?" She replies her voice taking on a curious tone.
"Lestrade is the D.I that gets Sherlock to help with his cases sometimes" he replies remembering how Greg had turned down his promotion not wanting to get stuck behind a desk.
"Molly is the coroner who helped Sherlock to fake his death." He answers hating the sharp spike of jealousy shoot through him at remembering that Molly was the one who had helped Sherlock. He wishes it could have been him. But he has no right to feel like this especially with Mary on the other end of the phone.
"Ah. Well I hope you all have fun" she says genuinely causing John to belatedly realise that he hadn't even thought to invite her.
"You could join us if you like?" he offers hating how it sounds like the afterthought that it is and the sick feeling he gets. He knows that Mary deserves better than how he has been treating her.
"No that's alright, I wouldn't want to interrupt. You guys catch up and I'll see you the day after tomorrow. See you then. Good night, John" she says sweetly causing another ripple of guilt in John.
"Good night, Mary". He answers hanging up and drops the phone on the bed. He sits down on the edge of the mattress wondering if he can ignore everything that has happened and just be content with Mary. He wonders whether or not he can repress all of the confusing feelings and thoughts he has been experiencing towards Sherlock lately. He makes his way back down stairs, his mind a jumble of thoughts, and finds Sherlock sat very still in his chair. His brow is creased with a frown and he looks almost sad.
"Sherlock? Is everything alright?" John asks moving slightly closer wondering what could have happened. Sherlock looks up at him sharply and pointedly ignores the question.
"How is Mary?" he asks his tone almost too neutral.
Puzzled he replies almost hesitantly "She's fine. I'm going to see her the day after tomorrow".
He leaves out the part where he has decided that he is going to be honest with Mary and try to understand what he is feeling. Try to get her to explain why she said that Sherlock loved him and understand why everything has changed since Sherlock has come back. He knows that if what he feels towards Sherlock is something more than friendship that he can't stay with Mary no matter much he may want to convince himself otherwise. He doesn't want to hurt her and he won't lie to her either.
"You should have invited her to come with us tomorrow night" Sherlock answers again in that emotionless tone causing John to raise an eyebrow. This isn't like Sherlock.
"I did ask but she didn't want to interrupt so we agreed to meet up the day after." John explains wondering why his voice has taken on an almost reassuring tone like he is trying to soothe a wounded animal.
"Did Lestrade text you back about the case this morning?" he asks wanting to change the subject.
"Jealous wife killed her husband…Lestrade has arrested her. Predictable." He answers feeling like there is a certain irony to the case.
"I suppose you and Mary will be getting more serious now, considering the length of time you have been dating?" He asks looking directly at John who finds he cannot hold that gaze.
He tries to pass it off as a joke ignoring the tight twist of his insides.
"I don't know. Why are you worried you will have to find something else to keep you occupied?" he asks forcing a small chuckle from his throat.
"John, although I admit that when you are not here it does compounds my boredom. You know as well as I do that I want you here because you are my friend". He answers unable to stop the small tone of sadness that creeps into his voice. And I'll miss you, he mentally adds, allowing a small spike of resentment towards John for making him feel like this.
John falters under the deadly combination of that sentence and the hurt sound of Sherlock's voice.
"I'm not going anywhere Sherlock" he says quietly meaning every word sitting down in front of him to capture his gaze.
"Aren't you? You and Mary have been seeing each other for a substantial amount of time and it will be only natural that you will decide to move out". He doesn't add 'leaving me'.
"You'll live with her, get married and have a family. And you'll naturally no longer want to associate yourself with someone who could put you and your family in danger".
He says unable to stop from voicing the concerns that have been building up inside him since the day he had seen Mary. Since he had gotten those texts from Mycroft and had seen first hand how John was around Mary. The pain it causes in him when thinks about how his only friend would soon leave him and how he will never be able to have the chance to see how deep his feelings go.
John shakes his head in disbelief. He couldn't believe Sherlock thought that he could leave him. Before Sherlock had come back he had considered those things. He had considered moving in with Mary and maybe even one day getting married. But now? Now the idea of leaving Sherlock causes a sharp ache in his chest and he realises that he actually cannot leave him. He will stay with him for as long for as Sherlock wants him around and it was as simple as that. He had experienced what it was like to live in a world without Sherlock. He never wanted to feel that way again.
"That is why you're saying all this? You are worried that I'm going to leave?" he asks out wanting to verify that this is what Sherlock's saying. That he hasn't misunderstood.
Sherlock bristles realising how much of his feelings he is giving away and tries to rectify it replying icily "Don't be preposterous John."
An odd thought flickers through John's mind. One created mostly from a mix of insanity, his recent dreams about Sherlock and maybe a little bit of hope.
"Are you…" he starts. He feels so ridiculous for even entertaining the notion. "Are you jealous?"
Memories of Mycroft's smug texts come flooding back at John's words and immediately annoy Sherlock.
"John please…I do not experience such petty emotions". He huffs in exasperation glaring at John to defy his answer.
"Sherlock?" he questions and is forced to continue when Sherlock is obviously not going to dignify him with an answer. His only reply a steely glare.
"That's it isn't it? Sherlock…I am and always will be your friend." He says trying to comfort him the best he can.
Sherlock smiles at John's earnest face that clearly shows he believes every word and it makes his chest ache. He had never wanted a relationship before. He had never wanted intimacy. It made people weak and distracted them. But now he finds that he has never wanted to claim someone as much as he does now. He wants John. All of him. He will not share John. It's not enough that they are just friends. But he is struck by the futility of his feelings and feels anger that he will not act on them. That he cannot openly declare his feelings because he fears that it will drive John further from him.
It is some small comfort to know that on some level John finds him attractive. He also knows that he cares for him and that he trusts him with his life. However he is painfully aware that if he kissed John now that the only response he would receive would be rejection. This is why he never dabbled in relationships. There is always too much pain.
"But that won't keep you here will it?" He answers softly looking at John's hurt face. He gets up tugging on his coat and scarf needing to clear his mind.
"Where…where are you going?" John asks standing up unable to shake the image of Sherlock's face or the rumble of his sad voice. The sheer hopelessness of his expression; he never wants to see that look again.
"Out". Sherlock replies with a sharp click of his mouth and refuses to turn around. He walks out the door leaving John desperately confused. He looks around the room hoping for an explanation and feels his heart beating frantically in his chest.
'He really loves you…'. He hadn't believed it, not really, but now he wonders if there was a chance that Sherlock did. He had wanted to stop Sherlock and pull him into a tight hug. To comfort him and reassure him that he would never leave. He wanted to take that miserable face into his hands, pull him close and…and what? To tell him he loved him? Does he? Does Sherlock even…?
He groans in frustration rubbing an agitated hand through his blonde fluffy hair. He admits to himself that he is attracted to Sherlock. He remembers vividly how he felt when Sherlock had touched his chest, how much his dream had affected him and how inexplicably drawn to Sherlock he is. But does he want to be with him? Would Sherlock even want that?
He needs to understand what is going on inside that curly haired head of Sherlock's. Maybe he can loosen his tongue with a few drinks tomorrow and although he has no idea how he is going to get Sherlock to actually consume alcohol. It was the only plan he had.
I had intended there to be slash so much earlier in this story but my brain just wouldn't let me. For those who do enjoy a slow build but are ready for John's and Sherlock's slashy ship to sail. Prepare yourself for the next chapter.
Thank you for reading! :)