Warnings: heavy graphic descriptions/gore, mild language
CHAPTER TEN
Merlin jolted from his musing of fire and punishment at a rapping noise from his back room. Already on his feet from unceased pacing, he scrambled up the stairs to his room. He noticed a thin layer of dust settled over the furniture, and tried to find breaks in the powder. Did they have rats again?
Then he heard it again, a distinct sound at the window, almost a scrapping. He rushed to the window to see—was that hair?—and panicked. He could not open the window without knocking the man from the windowsill down to the stone below. He spoke an enchantment and reached through the glass to help the man into the room so he would not fall. Several pulls and another spell later, the pair tumbled to the floor of Merlin's bedroom. He coughed from trying to suck air back into his lungs too quickly and leaned back to get a good look at the man now reclining on his bedroom floor.
"Ello, Merlin." Gwaine said with a grin as he smoothed back his hair. "Miss me?"
A grin split across Merlin's face, and for a moment both of them were completely content to stay on the floor grinning at one another.
"But…why? How?" And if a twinge of desperation laced into his words, Gwaine ignored it.
"I might have convinced Percival to help me find a way up here. Arthur refused to let me come see you when they gathered up all those magic books of yours, so I decided I would just come to see you on my own time. "
"But…the window?"
The knight grimaced and stood up, brushing and straightening his clothing. He offered Merlin his hand, which he grasped to help himself up. Merlin peered out the window, searching the people below until he spotted Percival leaned against the wall, arms folded across his chest as if waiting.
"Can't go through the door. No one gets in or out without Princess's permission, which means I had to get a little creative. So how has captivity been treating you?" He asked as Merlin straightened his own clothing.
"What? …you?" Gwaine let out a strong laugh at seeing Merlin sputter for words before his friend looked at him shyly.
"So…you're not…I don't know…mad?"
"I like to think I'm of relatively sound mind." Gwaine sat on the end of the bed, observing Merlin.
"You look better." He commented more seriously. "You looked like a right mess when you collapsed a few days ago."
Merlin's cheeks colored pink.
"That's because—well I—did Arthur tell you everything?"
"He better have."
"Right." He took a deep breath, opened his mouth but no sound came out. Gwaine raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to explain.
"There's food in the other room. I think a jug of wine from when Lord Byron sent for breakfast. I'll pour some for you."
He scrambled out of the room before Gwaine could protest, breathing more rapidly than he should be from the trip down the stairs. He tossed another log into the fire, fanning the flames to warm the room. Satisfied, he filled a pot with wine from the wine-skin. He plucked several dried herbs from the wall, tied them in a satchel and tossed them into the pot. Once it was over the fire to warm, he set out two cups on table for when the spices mulled into the wine.
He gazed at the two cups, suddenly unsure if as a servant he should drink with the knight, but then it was Gwaine. They always had at least one drink together whenever Gwaine convinced him to come with him to the tavern. Perhaps he might want food? He thought as his eyes skimmed over the array of dried fruits and salted meats left by the noble, too much to eat for one meal. If he focused on simple things like that, perhaps he could ignore the screaming unnatural terror working its way up his throat as it finally crashed into him that he knows, he knows, they all know.
With jerked movements, he filled the plate with strips of pork, dried fruits, a large chunk of bread and cheese. He turned abruptly and froze at the sight of Gwaine standing in the doorway, one hand on the wall, uncertain. Merlin gave what he hoped was a welcoming smile before the plate clattered to the table from his shaky hands. He jerked back around to the shelves to pluck the honey down for the wine, all too aware of the tentative footsteps of his friend.
It was not that Gwaine knew about his magic which scared him, or even that all the knights knew his secret. For years he dreamed about his friends knowing him, accepting him, understanding him. He dreamed of standing beside them, finally as an equal, to stand on equal footing as they all protected Arthur together. Not necessarily for the status, but because then he would finally be a more concrete part of their lives. Not just Arthur's manservant dragged along on missions and hunting trips, but a fellow solider fighting a war against evil, keeping people safe.
Still it scared him, not the knowing but the truth: the lives stolen, the mistakes he made over the years, everything he might have done differently, and every lie he ever told to people who were never anything but honest to him. Speaking the truth to Arthur, although not exactly easy, was adrenaline fueled. Words came easily when someone pressed a sword to your throat, and when Elyan and Percival entered his rooms he could still feel the phantom blade when he blurted words to make them understand his cause.
But Gwaine came with no sword, no biting words or threats. He came with a smile and ears willing to listen, to understand, so very clearly against the wish of the King and so very different.
And that scared him.
"I think the wine might be done, Mate."
He jumped from his musings to check the wine, small bubbles bursting at the top of the red liquid. He snatched it from the flame to the table, mixing in several spoons full of honey and using a ladle to fill the two cups with steaming mulled wine. Gwaine took the cup from him as he crossed the table, fingers brushing. He resisted the impulse to jerk back and kept his eyes on the floor. When Gwaine sat at the table, chair turned towards Merlin's, he hesitated in joining him.
A sort of unfamiliar awkwardness settled around them. Gwaine took a careful sip from the wine, leaned back in his chair and sighed. Unsure how to proceed, Merlin settled into the chair next to him and watched the steam swirl up from his cup. He took a slow sip from the wine, swishing the spiced liquid in his mouth before letting it slide down his throat to warm his chest.
"So."
His head snapped up at the sound of Gwaine's voice, and he watched his friend take another careful sip of the hot liquid. He smacked his lips a little, and turned back to Merlin.
"That fainting spell was because you just decided to pass out instead of endure Byron's company or?" His lips twisted up at the jest, and Merlin had to wonder not how much Arthur told the knights, but how he told them. Were any of the facts twisted? More misconceptions that needed to be unraveled?
"You know I was searching for a way to heal Aithusa?"
The words felt thick in his mouth now, sitting at a table with food and drink as if discussing no more than the trivial events of the day. It might have comforted him, no, would have comforted him if Gaius occupied the spot Gwaine sat. But, Gwaine was not Gaius. So he fidgeted in his seat, pulling the warm wine closer to his chest.
"It was mentioned."
Merlin noticed the tension pulling around Gwaine's eyes, and wondered if talking openly would help or harm their friendship. But the man had climbed up the side of the citadel just to speak to him. He owed him the truth without an interrogation to get it, even if the truth frightened him.
"Well as it turns out, apparently I wasn't the only one practicing healing magic. I never realize how exhausted I was and I really would have never done that to my body if I had known..."
He paused, taking a deep gulp of the hot wine to stop the anxiety creeping inside him, stewing.
"With all the chores for Arthur, the nobles, extra duties at the castle and what with taking over Gaius's duty, I guess I was already stretching it pretty thin."
Gwaine grunted in agreement as he reached to gnaw on a strip of salted pork.
"But then when you add the extra hour or so it takes to get to the cave and then back to the city every morning, always forgetting to eat because of it all, not to mention the amount of attention that big baby demands—you will not believe how needy he can be—I guess it was too much for me to handle naturally so Aithusa sort of has been, well, healing or sustaining me with magic each night? At least that is the only way I can make sense of it. I think that's why when Arthur found us, our eyes were golden…we both…try to heal each other but it's sort of an involuntary effort from our magic so it just keeps happening until we separate because it never really works completely. Magic can't fix everything, even if it tries. I never really knew how exhausted everything made me, and when Arthur showed up that night Aithusa never had a chance to heal or recharge me. Without his healing magic, I guess it just all caught up to me at once so yeah. Plop."
He stole a glance at his friend who regarded him with a crinkled brow.
"Merlin…you said your father died saving you. Balinor? The Dragonlord?"
He watched the pain flash across Merlin's face as he nodded, avoiding his eye.
"That's how the Dragonlord ability is passed down. Once the father dies, the first born son inherits his power and his responsibility to protect the Dragons. They aren't evil. It just…Gwaine, what would you do if some foreign King showed up right now and slaughtered everyone in Camelot. Then, he took you prisoner and locked you in a dungeon for twenty years with absolutely nothing to comfort you. If you escaped and had the power to do anything, what would you do? "
Gwaine frowned, but did not answer. They both knew what he would do. Merlin might be above revenge, but Gwaine could not agree with the sentiment. If he had the power, he would ensure the King and those of his bloodline would never again sit on the throne.
He thought of his friends in Camelot as a second family. If he lost them after he already lost his first, he was not sure what would become of him. Even the thought of losing Merlin to some enchantment filled his heart with a darkness he though he chased away the moment he took his oath as a knight, the start of his new life. He shook his head to chase away the dark thoughts plaguing him from the query.
"Arthur said the dragon has you under an enchantment."
"And, so he does."
Gwaine's eyes rose at the wistful expression on Merlin's face.
"But so has Arthur really, and Gwen, and you even. Not because of Magic, Gwaine, but because of the love I have for every single one of you. I would do anything to help you, you know that. You are my friends. Yet, Aithusa is more than that. Not only is he under my care, but I called him from his egg into this world. I was the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes. That alone makes me responsible for his well-being, at least while he is still a hatchling. When he grows, then he will roam the earth freely as dragons are meant to do. It is a blessing to the land if a dragon should dwell there. They are beautiful creatures, though creatures of fire as much as of magic. Whatever anger you might feel, theirs will always be stronger because that is part of the fire within their soul. This is why they need a Dragonlord. Fire unchecked can easily destroy or be put out in no more than the blink of an eye."
Gwaine looked to the side, uncertain. He could see how Arthur might believe Merlin enchanted, but then what did he believe? He trusted his friend, more than he trusted his King. The book he read in the vaults had been a children's story, one of the books he recognized taken from Merlin's room and placed back into the vaults. The pages filled with pictures of Dragons and men going on adventures to slay dark creatures, together by the looks of it. The Spell book he thumbed through described all kinds of different enchantments: how to levitate an object, spells to start a fire, heat water, purify water, remove a bad odor from a room. None of them malicious, simply different ways to do household chores.
"He said you believed you were born with magic?"
"And so I was. I know this more than anything. My mother told me stories once of the trouble she went through trying to hide my magic before I understood how to talk. I have had it all my life." Gwaine wanted to say something, ask more. But he could tell Merlin was struggling to find words to explain himself further.
"Im…I'm sorry, Gwaine." He hung his head, eyes looking down to the grain of wood in the table. "I'm sorry I never told you. It's just…if you knew… I…Lancelot knew and—"
Shocked, he blurted out, "Lancelot knew you were a sorcerer?"
Merlin shut his eyes, ashamed.
"He sort of just found out. I never really told him, but I always think…maybe if he didn't know, if he had never learned who I was, he might still be alive."
And that sounded so much like Merlin, blaming himself for something he had no control over. With every word, more pieces started to click into place. Why would an enchantment involve guilt at Lancelot's death? Why even mention the knight?
"Lancelot died in battle, Merlin. Whatever he knew, would not have affected the outcome."
"I know that. Really I do but at the same time, it did affect the outcome. He died to save Camelot, yes, but more specifically he died to save me, Gwaine. He knew I was going to walk through that veil. He knew! It should have been me who repaired the balance of the world that night, but Lancelot took my place. Even if it was the right thing to do—I would not ask for him to come back so that I could take his place. I want to live, for Arthur, for destiny— I don't need... I don't want anyone else sacrificing their life for me. I couldn't tell you. I just couldn't. What kind of position would that put you in? What kind of danger? A Knight sworn to eradicate sorcery, how could you hold true to your oath? You would either have to lie each day, turn a blind eye, or you would have to bring me to Arthur. Then what? I had to keep my magic a secret to protect Arthur."
"My oath was to you, as much as it was to Arthur. You found Arthur worth of service and so do I. But before him, there was you, Merlin. I would have kept your secret. And I know our Princess can be thick headed, hells right now he is doing everything he can to cure you of this enchantment instead of accepting the truth…"
Gwaine trailed off as what he said registered to him. Was he so easily swayed to believing Merlin?
"Merlin." He paused, thinking over his next words. "I don't suppose you have some weird resourceful trick up your sleeve to prove you're not enchanted do you?
Merlin grimaced and shook his head.
"Why do you think I'm enchanted?"
"Well Arthur's word for the most part, and then I could hardly imagine you having a tea party with some creature that burned half of Camelot. None of us had any doubt over your loyalty, so it couldn't be that you were just some evil sorcerer hell bent on destroying Camelot. I figured even if that was the case you would have either done it already or been caught ages ago because of clumsiness. But you're a good man, so that couldn't be it. So what else could it be? Magic is outlawed here and for the most part viewed as some kind of wicked poison."
Merlin flinched as if struck in the chest. He yanked Gwaine's cup, although not quit empty, out of his hands to fill it with more wine. Gwaine watched him fill the cups, noticed the slight tremor that had returned to his hands, and collected his thoughts as Merlin shoved the cup roughly back into his hands and sat down, glancing at the flames in the hearth.
"Say what you want, but I've never considered myself a complete fool. Don't plan on starting now. Guess I'll just have to take your word for it." Then he grinned mischievously, "Think I could meet your dragon one day?"
Merlin choked and sent a mist of wine onto the table spraying from his mouth. Gwaine laughed, patting his friend on the back as he coughed and whipped his mouth on the back of his hand. He looked to Gwaine, doe eyed.
"You—Just like that?"
Gwaine's grin split across his face, and he took a large gulp of mulled wine.
"Just like that, mate."
He winked and kicked his feet up on a crate littering the floor. Relief washed over Merlin from the corner of his eye as he set his cup down.
"Then…do you…" He stopped hesitant, and Gwaine was content to let him organize his thoughts.
"Do you want to see some magic?"
Gwaine shrugged. Why the hell not? The burning figure of a dragon burst from the hearth, swirling around their heads before vanishing into a cloud of smoke. He laughed again, enchanted by the figure of fire.
"Think you could do a battle?"
Merlin grinned as two figures burst from the flames followed by a dragon. He watched the flames twist and burst into an elaborate story of the men and dragon protecting their kingdom from an enemy attack. With surprise, he recognized it as one of the stories from the picture book he skimmed. He chuckled to himself, taking another large gulp of wine, savoring the sensation as it spread through his stomach. Just as the final battle started, he set down the empty cup and watched it float to the pot on the table. The ladle started to pour wine into his cup, levitating in the air before floating back to his hand.
"Damn." He said, admiration heavy in his voice. "I could get use to that."
Merlin snorted as all at once the fire figures surrounded the king and his friend, the dragon held down by some sort of chains.
"I don't suppose you put something in this wine, did you? " He glanced to his friend, eyes twinkling and suddenly it all caught up to them. Here they were, sitting in the heart of Camelot, drinking mulled wine and watching fire creatures battle. One of them under house arrest for breaking a law punishable by death and the other now breaking that same law by consorting with him. Not knowing what else to do, Merlin started laughing. The figures winked out of existence as if never in the room when tears started to leak from his eyes. Gwaine joined in, muffling the sound in the crook of his arm in case the guards heard his laughter and opened the door to see them siting there, so very illegally, in each other's company.
"They probably think you're in here laughing hysterically to yourself like some mad man."
Merlin had to stop himself from slipping off the stool to the floor, body shaking as the tension eased from his shoulders with each howl of laughter. Gasping for breath, he tried to regain his composure.
By the time they finished the wine and conversation, Percival was nowhere to be seen if there was even a chance he would be visible with the sun no longer in the sky. Gwaine cursed, knowing if he appeared missing that the first place Arthur would look would be in the physician's chambers. But with several spoken spells from Merlin, he was standing below the window in the open air in no time. He looked up as his friend and gave an over enthusiastic wave. He smiled, sending a lazy salute back in response.
Without looking back, he sprinted through the corridors, taking two steps at a time until he reached the council room. Several of the knights where scattered about the room. Leon appeared to be studying the pages of a book closely, while Elyan dozed in a chair next to him. Percival looked up from leaning against a pillar when he entered the room.
Gwaine flashed him a grin and walked over to glance over Leon's shoulder.
"So that's the book Arthur raved about?"
He glanced to the left, eyeing the wooden box placed behind the book on the table. How was he going to convince them that Merlin was telling the truth? They would probably think he was enchanted too.
"I just want to make sure this will absolutely help." Leon muttered as he flipped another page of the book, fingering the words as he skimmed through a paragraph.
"Mind if I take a quick look at that?"
He grunted in acknowledgment and passed the book to Gwaine.
"This where it starts?" He asked, grimacing as he took noticed of the amount of words covering the page. Leon reached over, flipped back a few pages and pointed to a passage under the illustration of a glass vial. "I can't find a single flaw, although I'm not happy about where it was found. It's exactly what we need to help Merlin though. Arthur was right. With this we could…"
A ringing started in his ears, drowning the rest of Leon's words. He blinked slowly, banging his palm against his ear in an attempt to clear the sound. He grunted in agreement, hoping whatever Leon said had not required a more intelligent response. The senior knights moved over to have a quiet conversation with Percival, as Gwaine looked back to the book.
Lacing his hand through the pages, he flipped the book to glance at the cover.
Magical Remedies and Cures: Practical Guild to Removing Enchantments and Illnesses for the Non-Magic User
That was…oddly specific. He skimmed through the contents detailing everything from removing the effects of love potions to deadly curses. He shoved the pages back to his laced fingers to glance at the small picture of the vial.
Healing of an Unknown Enchantment decorated the top of the page in thick black ink. He glanced below the picture to read the small spiraled script.
In all cases, treating the enchantment involves possessing an understanding of the vicissitude in the patient beginning the first day of affliction. In some cases, depending on the magnitude and spectrum of symptoms, it is necessary to extend the window of observance to several days or weeks before the enchantment first afflicted the patient.
A yawn slipped from his mouth, blurring his vision of the book. Hells. He never enjoyed reading, but whatever Arthur planned could possibly harm Merlin. He ignored his dislike for the task and focused. Pulling a chair forward, he propped his feet on the table and placed the book in his lap. He skimmed through the rest of the page, adsorbing as much as he thought necessary.
"So the idea is to have him drink this vial?"
"At present, it seems to be the best option. It has been properly sealed. The year is dated just a few years old, and it stays potent for 10. It must have been placed in the vaults when King Uther was alive, although I would have thought this medicine could be used for others..."
He trailed off and Gwaine left him to his thoughts. He skipped over to the description of the vial, an ingredient list of various items filled an entire page. He recognized a few herb Merlin often collected for Gaius and now for his own stores. None of the ingredients sounded harmful. He understood less of the instructions of how to make the medicine as it described different methods and equipment to use to prepare. Satisfied none of it sounded dangerous, he turned the page, and mentally prepared himself to stay focused through the entire page.
To his relief, the descriptions of the medicine were simple. In the end, it was just a simple truth serum. He though it strange that a truth serum gave Arthur such relief on curing an enchantment, but if they thought the enchantment caused Merlin to make up stories, the medicine would allegedly clear the enchantment's influence for a few hours for them to question him. Arthur likely planned to use the same book to find a cure for the specific enchantment once Merlin described it fully. The contents even mentioned a section on curing enchantments from magical creatures.
The thought of Merlin robbed of the ability to lie bothered him, but it was an easy way to prove to Arthur and the other Knights he was not enchanted, that the dragon really was his friend, and he was born with magic. So perhaps, it would not be such a bad idea to play along. He knew which questions to ask so the best of his friend would be shown to the King and Knights, instead of the more incriminating questions Arthur might ask.
If Arthur refused to believe the results of the truth serum, he had a feeling the druids would be able to convince Arthur, if nothing else. And they would come. He knew without a single doubt as soon as they received the message they would come now that he fully understood Merlin's destiny.
He closed the book and set it to the side. Reaching for the wooden box on the table, he could feel the eyes of the other Knights on him as he lifted the small glass vial from the wooden box and swirled the contents around.
"So when are we giving this to him?"
"As long as everyone at the Round Table agrees, just after morning."
He nodded, now aware why he had the attention of the knights.
"Well, he'll have no opposition from me."
He placed the vial back in the box, racing though his plan to clear the whole enchantment nonsense for good. In all purposes, it really was what they needed, even if not for what Arthur originally thought. He smiled to himself, happy to have a solution without stirring up a fight among the knights.
Yes, it was exactly what Merlin needed.
Merlin spent the majority of the first day thinking over words and stories he would tell Arthur when he got the chance to speak to him again. Going over lines, details, how to apologize for the wrongs he had done but try to highlight the good of his magic. On the second day, he thought of the sky. How it would feel to rejoin his kin and spend the long hours of the day bathing in the sun. If he was banished, would he be allowed that small amount of happiness? Would he follow Arthur's wish and leave? Or stay to protect him? Gwaine's arrival helped to distract him, but only until the knight left. On the third day it was hard not to think about death, the pyre, burning black. When the door finally swung open, Arthur and the knights pouring into the room, he jumped from his seat. No one has their sword so that must be a good sign.
"Arthur!" He cried as he rushed to meet the King. "Please, you have to—"
He broke off as the Knights and King approached him, moving to circle him on all sides. He took several steps back, as if to get away. Something about them...something was off. He could feel a stain of darkness in their life magic and shuddered. What is that? He could felt it sometimes in the people around him since he started studying magic, lurking inside knights who took too much pleasure in the kill or sometimes even in children who tired of the daily beatings, thoughts turning darker and darker until death or violence consumed their minds.
What was it doing in his Knights, in his King?
"You have to know I would never betray you, but I am not enchanted. I've been telling the truth, and if you allow me to explain, I will tell you everything. You are a just King, at least give me a trial." He called as if he had been waiting for them to burst through the door at any moment, which Arthur supposed he probably had.
Arthur gazed at Merlin, doing his best to keep the stoic mask on his face and nodded at him. "I want to hear you explain everything, but first, I need you to drink this."
Arthur took a crystal vial from Leon that he pulled from a wooden box. He held it out to Merlin who instinctively took a step back right into Percival who gripped him from behind before dropping his hands. It was probably some kind of fake truth serum, Merlin thought, but for some reason just looking at it made his skin crawl. He gazed at the silver liquid behind the glass, mesmerized. All attention turned from the small shadow in this friends to the mass of darkness in Arthur's hand.
"What—What is THAT?"He spat, lip curling as he tried to take another futile step back, magic twisting painfully under his skin to destroy, remove, eradicate.
Evil.
Something evil.
Arthur pursed his lips, but answered with a sigh.
"Once you drink this, we can talk about everything. And I mean everything. You cannot leave anything out this time. I will expect you to be completely honest with me. "
Gwaine snorted, as if the poor bloke would have a choice. Merlin winced and looked around at the knights. They all had a determined glint in their eye, almost like they were about to go into battle. But there was no lack of kindness in them. Gwaine caught his eye and gave him a strained smile and an encouraging nod.
"It's okay Merlin. It's just a truth serum. Promise I wouldn't let Princess poison you. It should burn a little on the way down from what I read, maybe like a stiff drink. It's just to make sure you don't lie to Arthur, and then you can tell everyone the truth." He emphasized the last part, hoping to convey to Merlin his plan behind Arthur's own. He noticed Percival giving him a strange look, and caught his eye although it was hard to understand the thought behind the stoic knight.
Merlin slowly shook his head at Gwaine , probably not conscious of the movement and focused on the vial in Arthur's hand as the King started to fidget restlessly. It made sense, why Gwaine supported Arthur's plan so easily. Drink the vial, and then Arthur would have to listen to him.
But the vial glowed darkness in his mind. Each swirl of the liquid echoed the color of a nightmare. His foot shuffled again as if to take a step back from Arthur, but there was nowhere for him to go but into the Knights surrounding him, the small shadows in their own hearts taunting him. He started to reach his hand for the vial and jerked it back to his chest as he tilted his head to the side, mortified.
What in all that is evil is that?
"Don't make me order you."
He wanted to look at Arthur, but could not take his eyes off it. Would it come to life in Arthur's hands and try to swallow him whole? Did he have darkness in his own life magic now, just from looking at it?
"No." He whispered softly. Arthur's eyebrows rose. What—what is it? The knights got the feeling Merlin was not aware he had spoken out loud. No no no no no it's sickening, demented. He felt a wave of nausea rush over him. One of his hands reached out to grip Gwaine's forearm to keep himself from blasting through the knights for the door. Once he wrestled with that desire, his magic jerked painfully again, wanting to rush into Gwaine and force out the small seed of darkness infecting the Knights. Stop stop STOP
"Merlin?" He coaxed uncertain.
He stepped further into the knight, unable to take his eyes off the vial. His grip tightened painfully on Gwaine's arm, who hissed in pain.
"Nonono, Gwaine. Where did you get that, Gwaine? Where the hell did you get that?" He snapped, something animal coming into his eyes.
"Merlin." Arthur's voice growled, a low warning.
"Don't touch it, Arthur! DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH THAT!" He tried to strike the vial from Arthur's hand, but Gwaine caught his arm before he could reach it. "Arthur, that's dark magic! Put it back! Don't touch it! Give it to me!"
Merlin's reaction puzzled Gwaine, scared him even. Was he wrong? Was Merlin truly enchanted? But that no longer made any sense. But then, why would he not take this change to prove his loyalty?
"You have to drink it, Merlin. It's what you need, mate. I'm right here. I'll help them understand everything."
And somehow, Gwaine's voice just sounded wrong. But he knew his friend was right, even with the darkness surrounding him, it really was what he needed. A way to prove to Arthur he was telling the truth.
He struggle with himself as he tried to take the vial from Arthur, as if fighting his own body and the magic coursing through him. Each time his magic reacted on its own and forced away his hand until he was shaking with sweat, trying to steady his left hand with his right to take the vial from Arthur. His magic screamed inside him painfully as he fought for control.
I have to! I have to. I must tell Arthur. He has to understand. NO! DON'T TOUCH IT. For Arthur, for Arthur, just take it. You need this. "Just take it! You need this. Just take it. NO!"
"Arthur we need to force it into him. That dragon or whatever this is, is definitely fighting him hard! "
Merlin jerked back as if burned when Arthur pushed the vial to his lips, almost knocking it to the floor in the process. Quicker than lightening, two of the knights held him steady on all sides as Arthur uncorked the vial. The bodies pressed around him making the darkness inside them so much more apparent. Vapor started to poor from the flask, reaching towards him. He almost vomited right then and there all over Elyan.
He tried to stop his body from revolting against him but the desire to protect himself overwhelmed his senses as he struggled against the knights. He felt his magic bubbling under his skin and focused all his concentration on reigning control of his wild magic so he did not accidentally harm Arthur or the Knights. He could hear voices, but in his panic could not understand the words.
Knights holding him steady at last, Arthur moved to pour the liquid down his throat. Suddenly, a burst of golden magic rushed from his body and knocking Arthur and the knights back to the wall. His eyes glowing a traitorous golden. He slammed his palms into his eyes as if to hide them from the knights and moaned.
"no no no, I didn't mean to! I didn't- im sorry I would never hurt you I-"
And then he did throw up. His muscles spasming from fighting himself as his magic surged powerfully through his body. He let out a pitiful wail. As if it never happened, Leon and Percival grabbed his arms before he could properly recover as Elyan tried to hold his neck up and steady. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to focus on keeping his magic from bursting out again like a wave. How could this happen? "Now Sire! We have him!" Leon called.
Gwaine stared up from his spot on the floor, suddenly not as committed to the idea, but with no idea how to stop it or why. It felt as if a heavy weight attached itself to his chest and pulled him down. The thought that he needed the vial dulled in his mind, although not completely gone, and he wondered if Merlin had quite literally knocked some sense into him. What in the hell was that?
Even through closed eyelids, Merlin could sense the vial in Arthur's hand.
It was too close.
He could feel Arthur raising it to his lips when his magic burst out a second time, rocking himself to the floor with the blast. He scrambled to sit up, surveying the knights tossed around the room like dolls in wonder. Every scrape of furniture rocked from it's toppled place on the floor. He eyed Elyan, just near the heat of the fire. One inch to the left and the man could have been burned. His blood ran cold.
"Please, stop! Just stay away!"
He moaned miserably as he curled his long arms around his knees and covered his face with his hands, trying to drown out the sound of the knight's armor scrapping up off the floor as they reoriented themselves, ready to try again. What was happening? He never lost control of his magic. Not like this, not since he was a child. What was happening? How could this happen? Arthur would never accept his magic now, not like this. His magic rippled painfully in his skin as they started to inch towards him.
'I can't stop it. I can't—I don't want to hurt you. Please, please. I swear, I swear I can't help it…this has never…"
Once again, all the knights cut him off as they gripped his arms tightly and pulled them away from his face, holding his body still. It was easier to allow their movements this time, the darkness inside them shrinking fast from the blast of magic he hurdled their way that still swam inside his friend's veins. He gasped with fright as he realized, it was healing them. Something was wrong with them. He tried to twitch away, out of their hold. Something was wrong with them!
They dug into him harder as they tried to keep hold of him as if that would stop his magic from pushing them away. The struggling started again when Arthur's boots flashed into his vision. A low gnarly sound left his throat. He focused all his energy to keep himself still.
"Merlin. AS YOUR KING, I ordered you. STOP. FIGHTING. ME!"
Arthur knelt in front of Merlin and griped his friend's knee tightly. He fixed his eyes on Arthur, and tried to ignore the vial his friend held in front of his chest. The air around them cracked with energy, and they both held their breath. Merlin started to shake as tears poured from his eyes.
"Please…just burn me Arthur. Just burn me if you have to. I can't drink that. I can't. I don't know why! I just can't. I'm sorry. I'm trying. I'm really trying. I don't understand why this is happening. That's evil, Arthur. It's evil! Please, don't make me do this."
Arthur's grip on his knee lessened. He watched sorrow flutter over his face and mourned that he caused it.
"Merlin, if I ever needed you to listen to me on anything, this is it…Please. You have to. I don't want to lose my manservant."
Then all at once, the thought slammed into him. YOU NEED THIS. YOU NEED THIS.
The intensity, the longing in Arthur's voice overwhelmed him. Each line of pain in his face stuck his heart sharper than the nail driving into his wrists. But, he would stop it. He could end the pain. All he had to do was listen to Arthur.
He slowly freed one of his hands from Gwaine's tight grip to grasp Arthur's hand holding the vial. He kept his focus completely on his King as the vial crept closer to his lips. If it was for Arthur, he could regain control.
Almost an inch from his lips, Gwaine's hand struck out and gripped his forearm, stopping the vial.
"Gwaine…"
Arthur growled, and he dropped his grip, confused at his own reaction. It was just a truth serum? If Merlin drank it, everything would be okay. Wasn't it what they needed?
Merlin squeezed his eyes shut and tried to stop the vomit working its way up his throat as the liquid entered his mouth. The burning in his mouth started almost instantly. Way worse than a stiff drink, he thought angrily. He snapped his eyes open again to watch Arthur from the corner of his eye as it started to make its way down his throat. He had to do this. He had to so Arthur would finally understand. He had to do this for Arthur. He needed this.
Once the last drop was gone from the vial, all the Knights and Arthur loosened their grip and dropped back to watch him. Gwaine, the only one who had not moved, still kept a firm hand on his shoulder. Although Arthur moved his hand, Merlin kept a hand over his own mouth and nose. He tilted his head up, not trusting himself to keep the liquid down yet with his magic whirling psychotically beneath his skin.
"Merlin, mate? Are you okay?" Gwaine asked from his side.
The burning in his throat subsided and although he still felt nauseated he trusted himself enough at this point to move his hand and try to focus his swirling vision on Gwaine. His hand wildly flailed before turning into Gwaine's arm for support as the room swirled around him. He panted heavily, forehead rested on a surprised Gwaine's chest. Through the mass of bodies, he tried to find Arthur from the corner of his eye.
His king watched him with a worried expression that rarely made its way onto his face past the stoic mask he kept in place. He tried to flash a smile to ease his worry, but he started to find it hard to breathe. His hands snaked up to grip Gwaine's shoulders, and he pushed on the man so he could gaze into his face. Body shaking, he looked up at Gwaine whose face was lined with the beginnings of concealed anger.
Good.
He could no longer sense the darkness.
He felt sweat start to drip down his skin and hissed when a burst of magic cramped his muscles painfully, rocking his back into Gwaine's chest until it faded beneath his skin. He opened his mouth to plead pardon from his friends for his accidental magic.
And then, his body was on fire.
Pain as he had never felt before coursed through him. He tried to jerk away violently, as if that would stop the pain, but something smashed him still. Gwaine's arms crushed Merlin to his chest to stop him from slamming into the stone floor. His veins started to fill with lead under his skin as the world bathed in white light. Everything around him stuck him with an overwhelming agony, as if caught in a thorn bush, thorns covering every inch of his skin, digging, pulling and yanking on the skin, shredding it to bits until no skin remained left to destroy and it moved on to more sensitive flesh. He could feel his magic twisting his body painfully and burning his blood as if revolting against him. All at once, the pain intensified as if something started to pull his heart from the cave in his chest, replacing it with darkness. NO NO NONONO MY MAGIC! IT'S INFECTING MY MAGIC.
He struggled for control over the pain, red hot anger flooding through him that something dared to taint, to corrupt his magic, his soul. His anger crashed over the burning fire and after what felt like an eternity the pain dulled, replaced with an overwhelming sense of emptiness seeping into his veins with a throbbing pain. NO NONO. I HAVE TO STOP IT. I HAVE TO "—kay? Merlin?" The shapes around him started to focus again, but he felt as if he awoke to a living dream. An acid taste filled his mouth and choked him until he was forced to pull it back down his throat. Voices surrounded him, talking to him, calling him, but it was hard to hear over the screaming. AITHUSA AITHUSA I NEED YOU I NEED YOU THEY ARE DESTROYING IT He clamped down hard on his bottom lip and shuddered.
"What happened? Did it work? Is he free?"
"WHAT THE SARD DO YOU THINK? LOOK AT HIM!"
He continued to shake violently as his vision returned through a filter of red. He could make out the Knights and Arthur surrounding him.
When had he ended up on the floor?
Pain pulsed from his eyes and coursed through his body with every heartbeat. A million drums pounded in his head. Maybe if he could think he could start to explain himself, but the overwhelming horror and heaviness in his veins from his weakening magic made him panic. I CANT FEEL IT I CANT! "Wha-wh-a-ave you don t'me?" He croaked out so gnarly that the knights and Arthur could hardly make out what he was saying. His eyes were on fire. Something wet and viscous dripped from his face and down his neck, staining his clothes.
"Merlin Focus! Look at me!" He gasped, transfixed by the foreign feeling pulsing within his blood, almost as if it was no longer his own. Where is my body? Where am I? "That's an order"
He snapped his eyes up to gaze at the disembodied voice belonging to Arthur and got the sense he was looking at a painting of his friend looking down on him with intensity.
The blood running from his eyes made Arthur choke.
"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?" He shrieked at the tapestry of Arthur as the burning returned, and he tried to claw away the feeling in his eyes. Thoughts of death and ending exploded inside his mind.
He was losing it.
Everything started to blur back out of focus, and he could no longer understood the ground below his feet or how to breathe. GAIUS I CANT BREATH. I`M NOT REAL ANYMORE GAIUS! I`M GONE! Pain crashed into him again, and his ears were filled with the sound of screaming. He tried to breathe in-between his quickened breaths but his air-way sealed shut. He descended into darkness.
Merlin's voice ripped into his mind like thunder, sending him falling against the side of the wooden carriage gripping his temples in pain. His breath came out in short spurts. Pain unimaginable rushed through him until the vision of red walls and roaring fires passed taking the red hot agony with it. He reached for the seat of the carriage, wood, fabric, cold of the outside wind, anything to grip him back to the present. The carriage jerked forward to an abrupt stop. Familiar voices sounded outside the carriage, and relief rushed through him. So they had finally arrived in Camelot.
He heard the clanging of the gates and tossed the fur from his body in anticipation, ignoring the cold tearing into his joints, ever more anxious to run through the citadel to reach his ward. He swung the wooden door of the carriage open, leaving the fur behind in the carriage and landing on a soft patch of new snow. He latched the door shut, and greeted the Knights swiftly.
"Gaius! Thank God! King Arthur sent for you."
He paled at the relief evident on the Knight's face and nodded to him, taking his place next to his traveling companion who was bundled heavily in borrowed fur robes to keep out the cold while riding.
Despite the pain of the vision, he no longer needed to guess if Merlin was locked in a dark cell in the dungeons. The vision clearly showed the ceiling of his quarters. The horses raced through the corridor, eager to reach the stables now that the smells of civilization reached them.
The warning bell crashed through the normal hum of the city and a terrifying roar cracked through the city's stone. Gaius looked up in shock—was that a dragon?—and urged the horses forward. They reached the citadel quicker than he could have hoped. With an encouraging grip from his driver, he hobbled to the ground and rushed through the ice and stone to his quarters. The closer he got, the more the screaming of men and women started to drown out the sound of the bells. A group of knights rushed past him, the King in the middle of them. Arthur staggered towards Gaius, catching sight of him with desperate eyes, but Leon gripped his arm, roughly pushing him forward past the physician as they each hurried in opposite directions. What in the blazes is going on? The warning bells tolled endlessly through the corridor.
"—ole bloody city burns down, YOU ARE NOT LEAVING HIM LIKE THIS"
He focused on hurrying the last steps to the wooden door hanging ajar."
"GWAINE IT'S A DRAGON! ARTHUR NEEDS ALL THE HELP HE CAN GET AND MORE."
He burst into the room. The sight greeting him froze his composure. Every piece of furniture was knocked over in disarray. Percival and Gwaine were hunched over the form of a struggling man, pinning down virtually all aspects of him. Gwen stood by the shelves, still in her finery, rummaging through bottles, knocking some to the floor with shaky movement. Elyan's back was to him, backing from the scene as if trying to escape.
"I DON'T GIVE A DAMN WHAT ARTHUR NEEDS, CONSARN IT! THAT SWINE—GAIUS!"
Everyone snapped their attention to him, just as another scream followed by a long wail cut through the chaos. Hardly thinking, he shoved Elyan out of his way to reach his ward, his boy, HIS EVERYTHING pinned to the floor like an animal. The Knights moved to accommodate him, but did not lift their hold. He forced himself to calm, eyes roaming the body before seeking out every injury. Blood leaked rapidly from Merlin's eyes, mixing with the drops of blood coating his entire skin as if sweating.
"I want to know everything that happened up until this point. Speak, NOW!"
His voice barked out over the wails, solid without tremor. He had never seen such a condition, but he would not let that break his resolve.
Gwaine laughed mirthlessly. "Arthur pulled a cursed vial from the vaults, a blasted truth serum. The ingredient list is in the book in the counsel room. We forced it down his throat and then THIS!"
"LIAR! You think that will help him?" Percival snarled, drawing Gaius's attention to him. "Gaius, It was a remedy to eradicate any possible enchantments. If he took it, the dragon would die, leaving him cured. His magic and body would no longer be tainted by its evil. There was no list. It was an ancient medicine made with druid magic."
"NO!" He flicked his head to Elyan, finger pointed and angry. "That vial removes any trace of magic from him. You suggest we would give Merlin something that would leave THAT EVIL swimming inside him? I would never allow it!"
He bellowed over the arguing knights, breaking their voices into silence.
"STOP! Where is it? Where is the vial? Give it to me this instance!"
He could see Gwen rush to a corner in the room. "That one Gwen, the one by the hearth" Gwaine growled from his clenched teeth. Gaius snatched the vial from her hands, and almost dropped it from the pure malice that swept through him. If he felt such a strong reaction from the empty vial with the little magic he possessed, how strong had the reaction been for Merlin?
He rushed to his tools, searching though the mess on the floor on weathered knees to find everything he needed to analyze the potion. He set them up on the floor, not bothering with the overturned table. Gwen dropping to her knees across from him to help him.
"No, Gwen. Find my green jar, second shelf first cupboard. Start to spread it over his entire body. Clean the blood as you go. We don't know when he will open his eyes but when you finish with his body, wash them and let the blood continue to fall."
"What about the pain?"
"He cannot ingest anything until I know it won't kill him once and for all. On the second shelf now, try to move him onto the bed. At least give him something for his head, for heaven's sake, give him a damn pillow!"
He failed to stop the crack at the end of his order when Gwen rushed to the cupboard. She searched through the jars and vials until she found it, while the three knights worked together to set Merlin on the bed near the fire after Elyan jerked the furniture back to its upright position, all thoughts of leaving gone with Gaius returned. He could help!
"We need to get his shirt off him."
Gwen murmured as she lifted the material over his chest, stopping under his arms. Blood stained her dress but all status was forgotten in the wake of Merlin's agony. Several jerked motions from the knights later and the servant's chest was bare. She set to work cleaning the blood with a damp towel and started to rub the thick, waxy mixture over Merlin's skin.
Her hands moved to his stomach, and he jerked under her touch. She heard Gwaine shout, "Gaius! He's Awake!" and looked up to see Merlin's bloodshot eyes fixed on ceiling above him, chin tilted up.
Merlin's eyes snapped open and dread crashed into the pit of his stomach. He struggled against the weight that held him with a new intensity and the utter emptiness flooded threw his veins like fire. WHERE IS IT? A wave of nausea washed over him, and he struggled to turn his head away from his chest as the contents of his stomach lurched. The weights lifted from his body, and he did nothing to stop from vomiting over the side of his bed. He purged and purged but the emptiness remained. WHERE IS IT? Voices surrounded him, calling, pleading until they faded into faint wisps. WHERE IS IT? He couldn't breathe. Just as he was about to topple over the side of the bed, a force caught his shoulder and pushed him back onto the bed. WHERE IS IT? Everything swirled around him until he heard a clear voice strike through the haze, someone he recognized, someone he loved urgently calling his name.
"erlin! You must control your breathing! Can you hear me?"
He locked his gaze as the shape in front of him took form GAIUS! and reached for the man's chest blindly, clutching the fabric tight and pulling his mentor closer until his fingers clawed into flesh. He released him as if burned. LIARTRAITORFAKE!
"Where is what Gaius? Where is what?" He heard a voice muttered as if underwater. Was he even breathing at all?
"Focus on my breathing. Can you do that Merlin? Focus on m—"
He wanted to scream, but hardly had the air to stay focused. He tried to call for Aithusa but he barely formed the A in his mind when his head exploded in pain. He let out a whimper as the scratching and tearing started to grind on his skin once more. WHERE AM I? WHERE AM I? Eyes widening in agony, he couldn't breathe. The drifting began and darkness pulled him under once more.