Chapter 10
The silence in the infirmary seemed to be deafening. Everyone stood frozen in horror as River's body convulsed off the table from the defibrillator. It seemed like the entire room collectively held their breath after the shock listening for the heart monitor. It beeped once and then went silent.
Mal couldn't make a sound his throat was constricted painfully, but inside his head a loud shrill buzzing sound seemed to fill every corner of his mind. He was losing her! He couldn't lose her!
Suddenly as clear as anything in the room Mal remembered finding River tied to the tree in the woods. She had looked so small, so cold, so hurt and Mal had realized at that moment that he loved her. The memory was so sudden and shocking that for a second he forgot where he was.
Mal's attention was brought back to the present when Simon shocked River once more and her body again jerked off the table. Suddenly the loud buzzing in his head grew even louder and bright red spots began to float in front of his eyes. Before he even had the chance to think that something was wrong he felt his body tense up involuntarily and he began to fall to the ground. The last thing he saw was the exam table coming towards his face and then his head connected with the corner and he was out.
"Shit! What the hell's wrong with him?" Jayne shouted as he saw Mal crash to the floor and begin to seize.
Simon spared only a second to glance over at Mal's thrashing form on the ground.
"Jayne make sure he doesn't hurt himself. Inara there are syringes in that drawer that say Phenobarbital on them, give Mal an injection of one." He instructed as he continued to work on River.
Inara nervously followed Simon's instructions and breathed a sigh of relief when Mal's body relaxed and the seizure ended.
She heard Simon let out a breath of relief at almost the same instant.
"Her heart is beating again." He informed the crew.
"Kaylee help Jayne get Mal up on the other table and then I need everyone but Zoe out I need to do surgery on River immediately." Simon instructed briskly.
"What about Mal?" Zoe asked giving the Captain a concerned glance.
"He had another seizure. I don't know why he had one, but he's breathing so he's going to have to wait until River is stable." Simon answered as he began to prep River for surgery.
"But if he's had a seizure it could be serious." Zoe pointed out.
"Yes Zoe I'm aware of that! I'm only one person and I can't work on two patients at once. Mal's had a seizure which means something is wrong with his brain. He's breathing, with a brain injury if it was critical he wouldn't be breathing so right now I need to concentrate on my sister!" Simon yelled at Zoe.
"I'm sorry you're right." Zoe replied quietly. "Just tell me what you need me to do."
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Mal groaned and tried to open his eyes, he regretted it the moment he did. The light above his head was blindingly bright. His head had already felt like it was on fire and the light made it even worse.
"Hey Sir don't be moving a lot. You're in the infirmary." He heard Zoe tell him sternly.
"River?" Mal asked groggily.
"She's alive. Its still touch and go, but so far she's holding on." Zoe reassured.
"What the hell happened?"
"You had another seizure. Simon thinks it caused a blood vessel in your head to rupture." Zoe explained.
"Another seizure? When'd I have other seizures?" Mal asked confused.
"Well when you were so sick, remember that's what caused the amnesia."
"Amnesia? What the hell? I don't have amnesia." Mal replied sounding even more confused.
"Ok um I'm gonna go get Simon so he can examine you. He can explain what's going on better than I can." Zoe said and left the room quickly.
Mal opened his eyes slowly against the bright light and looked over to where River lay. She was unbelievably pale and connected to a great many wires and tubes.
What the hell happened to her? Mal thought. The bruises that had been so vivid the day before were now faded and Mal couldn't figure out how she had gotten injured so badly. The last time he's seen her she'd been beat on pretty bad, but she wasn't hurt like this.
"Mal you're awake, that's a good sign." Simon said brightly when he entered. He was trying to sound cheerful but Mal could tell when he was covering up concern in his voice.
"What the hell happened to River? She weren't this bad off last I saw her." Mal asked.
"She was stabbed in the chest remember? At the medical clinic." Simon answered not even trying to hide the worry in his voice this time.
"What medical clinic? Last thing I remember was bein in them woods and feelin sick. How'd we get back to the ship?" Mal asked feeling very confused and irate about things.
"Mal that was nearly three weeks ago. You don't remember anything since then?" Simon asked.
"Three weeks? Wuh de ma! What the hell have I been doin for three weeks?" Mal asked.
"Its ok stay calm. I'll explain everything I just want to run a quick scan on you first." Simon instructed.
Mal waited in anxious silence as Simon took the scan and then read the results.
"So the last thing you remember is being in the woods after you and River were attacked?" Simon asked.
"Yeah, I found River close ta dead and brought her in the cabin, got her warmed up. Then we started headin back ta Serenity and I was gettin pretty sick. Seems like that just happened, how could it be three weeks ago?"
"You passed out in the woods and River brought you back to the ship. It was an infection from the bullet wound in your shoulder and it turned into pneumonia. You started having seizures from the fever and slipped into a coma." Simon explained filling in the gaps in Mal's memory.
"We were able to get our hands on some strong antibiotics and get you over the infection, but when you woke up from the coma you had swelling in your brain. It was interfering with your ability to recall memories, you've had no memory of your life for the last three weeks. Last night a blood vessel ruptured in your brain probably because of your increased blood pressure at seeing River hurt so badly." Simon continued.
"A rupture in my brain? Am I gonna be ok?" Mal asked fearfully.
"Actually according to the scans you're going to be fine. The rupture was small and seems to be healing on its own, plus it seems to have alleviated the swelling in your brain. Barring any unforeseen complications I think you'll make a full recovery." Simon replied hopefully.
"So if my brains getting better how come I don't remember none a that?"
"I'm not sure. Neurological science isn't really my area of expertise." Simon answered.
"Yeah but I can tell ya got a theory." Mal prodded.
"Well a rupture in your brain combined with the swelling is bound to cause brain damage. Since the memory center of your brain is where the swelling and rupture occurred, that would be the area affected. Basically I think that everything stored in your memory from the time of the first injury to the time of the second has been wiped out. It happens in computers all the time and really the brain is nothing more than a biological computer. But that is just a theory."
Mal absorbed the information and decided that Simon's theory was enough of an explanation for him.
"So mind telling' me what the hell happened to my reader." Mal said and cast a worried glance over at River.
"We were trying to get a medication for you to reduce the swelling in your brain. Jayne and River tried to steal it from a medical facility on Helios and things went bad. I haven't heard the story from Jayne yet, but someone stabbed River in the chest with a knife. Jayne was shot twice but he'll be ok."
"Is River gonna make it?" Mal asked his guilt at thinking she got hurt that badly for him nearly overwhelming.
"I don't know yet. The knife punctured her lung and caused a lot of internal bleeding into her chest cavity. So far she's holding her own, but she's not out of the woods by a long shot." Simon replied anxiously.
"Do I gotta stay in here or can I move around?" Mal asked feeling the overpowering need to check on his crew and his ship.
"I think it's safe to leave the infirmary as long as you stay quiet. No getting upset or moving around a lot." Simon ordered.
Mal stood up quickly, swayed, and would have fallen if Simon hadn't been there to catch him.
"Move slowly remember. Your brain has been through a lot of trauma recently you're going to have to take things very slowly for awhile." Simon reprimanded.
"Gotcha. Movin slow is very good I'm thinkin." Mal agreed and moved from the infirmary at a much more measured pace.
He found the crew sitting in the common room near the infirmary, all of them looking anxious.
"Cap'n you ok?" Kaylee asked and then let out a sob.
"I'm alright. Doc says my brains healin up all on its own. But I don't seem ta be able ta recall the last few weeks. Did I do anything stupid while I was missin my memory?" Mal asked trying to lighten the mood.
"Not any more than usual." Inara replied without missing a beat.
Mal eased himself into a chair and looked at Jayne with concern. The merc was laying on the couch with his leg propped up on pillows and a bandage covering his arm.
"Ya'll right there Jayne?" He asked.
"Fine other than gettin' shot all ta hell." Jayne grumbled.
Kaylee stood, threw her arms around the Captain and began to cry even louder.
"Hey there mei-mei I'm gonna be fine. Got my memory back and everything. River's gonna be ok too, that girls tough as nails. She'll pull through this you'll see." He comforted.
"I know. Just both a ya were hurt so bad out there in them woods and now this…" Kaylee sobbed.
"Don't you worry. Things'll be just shiny." Mal promised and kissed the top of Kaylee's head.
"So you wanna tell me what happened to get my merc shot and my reader stabbed Jayne?" Mal asked.
"Job just went bad Mal. We got in there no problem. River was pretendin ta be a doctor and I was actin like the crazy guy she was there ta run tests on. We got ta the lab and Simon told us where ta find the stuff. We got it and were high tailin it outta there when the feds showed up." Jayne explained.
"How many feds?" Mal asked, knowing it had to be a fair number for them to injure River and Jayne so badly.
"Don't know exactly. More 'en thirty. River got a lot of em and I shot a good number myself. Then I got hit in the leg and went down. River helped me up and we were makin for the Mule when one a the hun-dans grabbed her by the hair and then stuck her with his knife. I shot him and got us the hell outta there." Jayne finished.
"They gonna be comin after Serenity?" Mal asked worriedly.
"Nah had Serenity parked at the docks and we lost em long fore be got there. Ain't no way they coulda picked her outta the hundred and some other ships that was docked. We got inta the Black fore they could land lock anybody."
Mal sighed with relief, they had enough problems currently without adding the feds on top of it.
"Mal I really think you should lie down now." Simon lectured from the doorway of the infirmary.
"Mayhaps the Doc's right. My head feels like it's gonna split right open any second." Mal agreed and walked back into the infirmary.
He watched silently as Simon checked River's vitals. Every time he looked at her still form and wan face he felt his heart wrench in his chest. In his mind he couldn't stop recalling River kissing him in the hunting cabin. She'd been so hurt and vulnerable, but she'd looked at Mal with complete trust. He remembered how confidently she had informed him that she knew of his feelings for her. Quickly he forced the thoughts from his head, he had enough to deal with at the present without thinking on the feelings he knew he shouldn't be having for her.
"She's doing better." Simon said suddenly pulling Mal away from his thoughts. "Her vitals are stronger and her color is improving."
"Good." Mal replied drowsily and fell into a fitful sleep.
River continued to improve over the next week. By the second day she was awake and by the fifth day she was sitting up and eating. Once again Mal was amazed at the tenacity of the young woman. It seemed like there was nothing that could keep her down for long.
Although she'd been awake for six days Mal had managed to avoid being alone with River the whole time. He would slip in and watch her while she slept, thinking on how beautiful she was and then berating himself for thinking such thoughts. No matter how he looked at it he just didn't see how he and River could be together. He was too old for her and he knew deep down that she deserved so much more than a man like him.
Mal was sitting beside her bed as he had done every night since he'd woken up. This night however River woke up and caught him sitting beside her.
"Hey there Little Albatross how ya doin?" He whispered.
"Little Albatross? Not bao-bei? You don't remember." She replied weakly.
"Seems from what I hear there's a lot I haven't been rememberin lately."
River didn't reply, but the tear trailing down her cheek and the sad expression on her face was enough to break Mal's heart.
"S'gonna be ok darlin. Doc says yer gettin' better and he said my heads fixin itself. Seems me and you must be cats, we both seem ta got nine lives."
River smiled a little for his benefit, but continued to look at him with that same sad expression.
"What's goin on got ya so sad? I might not be the psychic you are but I can tell when a girl is hurtin."
"You're going to break your promise."
"Well now what promise would that be? Don't seem like I should be held to a promise I can't remember makin." Mal joked trying to cheer River up.
The look of hurt and betrayal on River's face made Mal realized that whatever she was talking about was not a joking matter.
"Come on ya know you can talk to me. What's the matter?" Mal asked gently.
Instead of replying River turned her head away from him and closed her eyes. Mal tried for a few more minutes to get her to talk to him, but she remained silent.
Feeling discouraged he left the infirmary and went to the galley and began searching for any kind of liquor they might have. Stashed at the back of one of the cupboards he found a bottle of Saki that belonged to Jayne.
Mal was halfway through his third glass when Inara walked into the room.
"Good evening Mal." She said politely.
"Evening Nara." He replied in a slightly slurred voice.
"How is River tonight?" Inara asked.
"Alright I spect. Don't really know." Mal replied trying to sound casual.
"I would think you'd be spending every minute with her now that the two of you have begun a relationship."
Mal jerked in surprise and choked on his drink spitting Saki across the table.
"Two of who begun a what?" He asked.
"You and River. Relationship. Didn't anyone tell you?" Inara asked.
"Tell me what?" Mal asked.
"Mal you came to me a week ago and told me you were in love with River."
Mal could only stare at Inara in shock. He couldn't imagine doing something like that.
"I did? So how come you ain't mad at me." Mal asked finally.
"Because you made a good point the other day. You told me that you and I had never been together and we shouldn't stand in the way of the other finding someone who could make them happy."
Inara saw the distraught and confused look on Mal's face and took pity on him. She walked over and placed a hand on his cheek and smiled.
"It's alright Mal. I think we both know that you and I wouldn't have worked. Neither of us are willing to change for the other and neither of us should have to. If you have to be a different person to be with someone they aren't the person you're meant to be with."
She gave him a dazzling smile and kissed his cheek.
"I made you promise the other day that you wouldn't hurt her and even though you can't remember it, I'm holding you to that promise. River loves you Mal, exactly as you are. Quit being an idiot and go tell her that you love her. How many petty criminals are lucky enough to find a genius assassin to love? Don't lose her."
"She deserves better than me." Mal protested.
"Maybe." Inara admitted. "But she chose you. That's all that matters."
Mal smiled at Inara, jumped up from the table, and ran to the infirmary; wanting nothing more at that moment than to take Inara's advice.
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A/N- I know I promised thrilling heroics and I was going to write the medicine heist as its own chapter but it just didn't work. Hope this doesn't disappoint too much. Thank you everyone for the nice reviews!