Sayaka thought that pretending to be an exorcist would be easy.
After all, weren't they heroes of justice, defenders of humanity? That was a role she had down pat!
Unfortunately, the job wasn't nearly as glamorous as she would've thought.
They had left on their mission earlier than they were supposed to (mainly because Kyoko had been egging them on to get a move on already and they had eventually acceded to the girl's demands), and now they were creeping through the town, guided by the moon's soft rays.
"This is so stupid," she grumbled under her breath. "We're the good guys! Why do we have to be skulking in these alleyways?"
Kyoko gave her a look. It was the vaunted 'Are you stupid?' look that Sayaka had seen directed towards her far more times than she would care to admit.
"Didya think we'd be vaulting over rooftops or something?" she asked. "We're the supernatural, Rookie. We're not supposed to be parading around in the open like a bunch of peacocks with our heads shoved up our asses."
"Well, at the very least, can't we use the sidewalks like normal people?"
Her friend rolled her eyes. "Take a good look at us and tell me if you wouldn't be worried to see this group pass by you at night."
Sayaka glanced back at the others. Mami, Xenovia, and Irina were keeping pace with them, and they were all wearing hooded cloaks that obscured their features. Hooded cloaks that absolutely no normal people would be wearing.
"It wouldn't be a problem if we didn't have to wear these stupid cloaks," she muttered.
Another eye-roll. "Blame it on their 'standard operating procedure' or whatever it was. What I don't get though . . ." She jabbed a finger towards the bona fide exorcists among them. "Is why we need these babysitters to come along on the mission."
Irina responded coolly, "Because technically, you three are new exorcists, albeit well-trained ones. It's only natural that the higher-ups would want us to supervise you all on your first official mission."
"Pfffft. We can take care of ourselves, Pigtails."
Irina's eye twitched at her new moniker. "I have no doubt that you can, but this is necessary for the sake of appearances." She frowned. "You would also do well to curb your language a little. Many of the church members don't take well to profanity or nicknames."
Kyoko shrugged. "Yeah, yeah, I know. Sis Griselda already gave me an earful about that." She glanced back. "But it's not like anyone here cares how I talk, so it's fine, right?"
"I do care," Mami interjected.
"Ya mean you did care. I think you gave up on instilling 'proper manners' in me after the second week I spent with you."
As their group began bickering with each other, Xenovia silenced them all with a glare. "Enough. We're here."
They all stopped and turned to look at the dilapidated structure before them. It was a two-story apartment building that had long since been abandoned, with its paint peeling off and graffiti scrawled all over its walls.
"Right, so, um . . . how does this go again? Just to make sure," Sayaka asked.
"The mission is to go into that building and exterminate the Stray Devils that have taken up residence in there," Irina explained. "Although this is supposed to be your mission, since this is your first time fighting Stray Devils, Xenovia and I will come along and help–"
"Nah, it's cool. We got this. You two can just stay out here while we clean house," Kyoko interrupted with a grin.
Irina frowned. "Are you sure? I know you three are quite capable, but there's no harm in having more helping hands."
"Trust me, Pigtails; you'd just get in the way."
The exorcist looked extremely irritated at the accusation but held her temper. ". . . Alright, then. Since you seem so confident in yourself."
"What exactly are Stray Devils?" Mami asked. "I don't believe that this was explained, and it seems important to know about our targets in advance."
Irina blinked. "Oh, right. You three aren't all that familiar with the other factions, are you?" She sighed. "Well, Stray Devils are essentially –"
"Rabid dogs," Xenovia finished.
"Yes . . . that is an apt comparison," Irina admitted. "They are devils who have gone mad with power and broken free from their master's control. Without their king to keep their demonic energies in check, they become overwhelmed by their own power, warped into vicious, cruel monstrosities. The only recourse left is to put them down."
"So . . . monsters, then?" Kyoko looked completely relaxed despite their imminent descent into danger. "We know how to deal with those."
"Monsters come in all shapes and sizes," Irina warned. "Don't assume that what you're familiar with will be in any way similar to what you're about to face."
"Yeah, yeah, don't get your panties in a twist, Pigtails."
The exorcist grimaced once more at her unwelcome nickname. "In any case, you should get started. Don't do anything stupid."
"Good luck," Xenovia simply said.
Giving the exorcists a final nod, the three magical girls ventured into the building.
xxx
". . . It stinks," Sayaka complained.
Kyoko turned to her with an arched eyebrow. "You think this is bad? You ain't seen some of the hellholes I've had to hole up in during the winter."
"Enough, you two," Mami said. "We're on a mission here."
The three of them crept through desolate hallways, debris strewn along the path in a haphazard pattern. Wooden doors lined the walls, their hinges rusted from lack of use. Away from the prying eyes of the exorcists, Kyoko had taken out her Soul Gem to hasten their search for their quarry.
She scowled. "Damn thing's fluctuating too much. I can't tell if we're supposed to go up, down, left or right."
Mami frowned. "It is very possible that it is an accurate reading, and that the Stray Devils are spread throughout the building as it suggests."
"Tch. Spread out like an infestation of rats, huh? That'll make cleaning them out much harder." Kyoko held her Soul Gem closer to one of the nearby doors, her scowl deepening when she didn't register a stronger reaction. "Bleh. Checking the doors one at a time will take forever." She gave them a calculating gaze. "Why don't we split up? It'll make this go a heck of a lot faster."
"Split up?" Sayaka asked. "Are you sure that's a good idea? We won't be able to help each other if something goes wrong."
"Aren't we all used to working solo anyway? And since the exorcists didn't come along, that means we can cheat a bit and use our magic. Besides, even if we die, we'll just wake up in Heaven, y'know?"
Sayaka crossed her arms. "That's why you told the exorcists to wait outside, didn't you? So you could go all out with your magic."
"Hey, it's been a while. Don't blame a girl for wanting to stretch her muscles once in a while."
Mami considered the idea. "It would be more efficient to split up," she agreed. "Having all three of us in one area is overkill. And we could still remain in contact with our telepathy."
"Wait, telepathy?" Sayaka was puzzled. "I thought we needed Kyubey for that."
"Nah, we can do it without that rat bastard. Just a lot harder," Kyoko answered.
Mami nodded absently as she surveyed the surrounding area. "Indeed. However, splitting up three ways is unnecessarily risky. Two of us should stick together and handle the areas with a higher concentration of enemies, while the other one should clear out the less dangerous spots."
"Dibs on lone wolf," Kyoko immediately said.
Sayaka rolled her eyes. "Of course. Guess that means I'm with Mami, then?"
Mami nodded. "In that case, the only question now is where each group should go." She turned to Kyoko. "Can you sense which direction has the highest concentration of magical energy? That will likely be the path with the most enemies."
Kyoko stared hard at her Soul Gem. "It's kinda hard to tell . . . but I think I'm getting more feedback from up top?" She looked up. "Yeah, pretty sure topside is where all the jazz is coming from."
"In that case, Miki-san and I will handle the second floor while you finish up the first floor. How does that sound?"
"Sure, whatever." Kyoko turned around and walked off. "Give me a holler if ya need me to bail you guys out."
As her back disappeared into the darkness, Sayaka turned to Mami. "Well, we should get going too. We got a lot of doors to check, too."
"Yes, that is true."
Sayaka's eyes widened. "Woah! Is that you, Mami?!"
A smile. "Why, yes it is. It seems I established the link successfully."
"That's so cool! You gotta teach me how to do it sometime."
"Would you two keep it down? I don't need two old ladies prattling in my head while I'm trying to fight," a grouchy voice said.
"Chill out," Sayaka replied. "We're just testing to make sure it works."
"Yeah, yeah, now that you got your testing done with you might wanna get to work so we can get out of this shithole sooner."
The link faded, and Mami turned to Sayaka with an amused expression. "Well, we better get going then. Kyoko-san can be insufferable when she's in a bad mood."
Sayaka chuckled. "Don't I know it."
xxx
The second floor was a mirror of the first. The same walls, the same doors, although the hallways here were not as cluttered with debris as those on the first.
Mami felt tense. There was danger nearby.
"So, uh, Mami," Sayaka said as she fidgeted nervously next to her. "Should we transform for this? I know that we're not supposed to, but . . . ."
Mami considered the idea. "We will not always have the luxury to be able to freely use our magic, so it would be best if we learned how to fight without it. Use it only as a last resort."
"Right, got it."
They crept through the hallway, keeping close to the walls as they went. Their Soul Gems in hand, they would press them against the doors to check which one held a source of magical energy. After several unsuccessful outcomes, they reached the end of the hallway where Sayaka's Soul Gem began resonating when she held it against the last door on the left.
"Mami!" she hissed. "I think this is it."
Mami quietly stepped over to the other girl and tested the door with her own Soul Gem. After getting the same result, she nodded and began outlining a plan.
"You'll go in first and draw their attention. Mark their locations and send them to me via telepathy, and I'll be able to catch them in a surprise attack. Alright?"
Sayaka nodded. "Yeah got it." She took a deep breath, then she busted through the door with a battle cry.
Upon entering the room, the first thing she saw were two people wearing church garb surrounding what seemed to be a glowing sword on a table. They spun around at her appearance, clearly caught off-guard.
"What?! What are you doing here?!" One of them asked. He peered closely at her. "You weren't supposed to be here yet. Those damn bastards must have gotten careless."
Sayaka, meanwhile, was equally confused.
"Um, Mami? I'm pretty sure these guys aren't who we're looking for."
"What? Who are they?"
"They look like people from the church. Maybe exorcists? Although they seem to be wearing something different from us."
". . . Suspicious. Keep them talking and see if they know anything about the Stray Devils."
"Why are you guys here?" Sayaka demanded. "We got orders to clear out Stray Devils in this area, but there was no mention of other people from the Church being here. And what the heck are you talking about?"
The mysterious figures remained silent until one of them spoke in a resigned voice. "Guess we have no choice. We can't let anyone find out we were here." He unsheathed his light sword. "Sorry kid, but you're going to have to die."
His colleague's face was grim as he followed suit, getting into a battle-ready stance.
Sayaka's eyes darted between her two opponents. She had no qualms with exterminating evil beings, but these were fellow humans!
"It seems they're giving us no choice," Mami said. "I have my guns set to stun, so if you keep them distracted, we should be able to end this quickly."
"Roger that."
Her two opponents shot at her recklessly, clearly expecting their numerical advantage to be able to overwhelm her easily. She backed away, angling herself so that one of them was slightly in front of the other and thus making it harder for them to attack her simultaneously.
The first man reached her, swinging at her widely. She easily blocked the telegraphed blow, and despite the attack leaving him wide open, she didn't attempt a counterattack.
After all, all she had to do was get them in a position where Mami could easily ambush them.
The second man quickly advanced as his teammate recovered, raining blows with far more discipline and accuracy. She slowly backed up as she parried each strike, each step taking them closer and closer to the door.
Her back hit the wall, and her opponent seized the chance when he saw that she could no longer soften his blows by backing away.
"It's the end for you!" He yelled as he brought his blade down in one final blow.
Bzzzt!
The man crumpled over, collapsing in a heap at Sayaka's feet.
The other man, who had kept his distance to not get in the way of his friend's onslaught, was startled. "Wha – ?"
Bzzzt!
He, too, fell to the floor unconscious.
Mami stepped into the room, holstering the pistols she had just used to take the men out. "Well, that wasn't so hard, was it?"
Sayaka prodded the fallen man with her foot. "They certainly weren't who I was expecting, that's for sure." She looked at Mami. "Was our info wrong? Are there no Stray Devils here, after all?"
The other girl pursued her lips. "It certainly seems unlikely, given that exorcists and devils seem to be natural enemies." She glanced at the glowing sword and walked towards it. "This must be the source of that magical energy we sensed earlier." She picked it up and examined it. While its shape was vaguely that of a sword, it was far more jagged than normal, with sharp tips and cruel edges that gave it a sinister vibe.
Sayaka walked next to her and peered at it curiously. "Looks important. Maybe we should bring it with us?"
"Yes. Perhaps Shidou-san and Quarta-san will know more about it." She held it out to Sayaka. "It would be best if you held on to it. It would just be dead weight in my hands," she said with a smile.
Sayaka accepted it gingerly. "Uh, well, I'm not too sure how well I can use it." She gave it a few practice swings. "The balance is all off. It looks like a sword, but it sure doesn't feel like one. I would use a light sword over this any day."
"In any case, we should regroup with Kyoko-san to discuss our findings." Mami tapped her head as she brought up the telepathic link. "Kyoko-san? How are things on your end?"
She waited. The silence stretched on, broken only by the sound of Sayaka fidgeting with her new sword.
"Kyoko-san? Hello? Can you hear me?"
"Wait, is Kyoko not responding, Mami?"
". . . I'm afraid not. Which is strange. Our connection was fine just a while ago, and this building should not be big enough that we would get out of range."
Sayaka was inwardly panicking. "Did something happen to her?! Maybe there were Stray Devils here after all, and she ran into all of them by herself?! Ah, geez, I knew splitting up was a bad idea!"
She rushed out the door, her face set in a grim line as she dashed off to rescue her friend.
"Wait, Miki-san –!"
Mami cursed under her breath when the other girl didn't slow down even a little at her call. She glanced back into the room, weighing whether she could spare the time to use her magic to tie the unconscious men up for later –
Moments later, she, too, was out the door, her feet pounding heavily against the floorboards.
If either of her friends was hurt because of her tardiness, she would never forgive herself.
xxx
Kyoko sighed as she stepped away from another door. "Another dud. Man, if it turns out that there's nothing down here and the other two get to have all the fun, I'm gonna be seriously fucking pissed."
She had checked all the doors on the first floor, but none of them hid anything magical behind them. Which was strange, because her Soul Gem was definitely telling her that there was a lot of magic in the area.
"Maybe I'm missing something? Like a hidden room or something," she mused to herself.
She took another step forward and almost tripped over a section of the floor that seemed a little higher than the rest.
"Gah!"
Peeved, she scraped some dust away to reveal what looked like a trapdoor. Eyes widening, she held her Soul Gem towards it . . .
The flashing red told her all she needed to know.
"Hell yeah! Knew I was missing something!"
She wrenched open the door, which gave way surprisingly easily considering how long it had supposedly been unused.
Coughing from the dust, Kyoko peered down into the basement. There were lights on; someone must be inside.
"Shoulda known that these damn devils would prefer something like this hellhole for a hiding spot."
Slowly, she crept down the stairs under the guidance of the dim lighting. Every part of her was on high alert; she was in enemy territory, and a single mistake could prove fatal.
She relished the feeling. The thrill of hunting, of being the predator. And if the prey put up a good fight, all the better.
She reached the bottom of the stairwell. Pressing herself against the wall, she peeked around the corner.
She almost regretted it.
"Heyyyyy . . . whennnnn doooo youuuu thinkkk we'lllll gettttt too playyyyyy?"
The only word that could describe them was monsters.
No, that was far too kind.
Abominations would be a better term.
"Enough of your whining, brat," a cold voice answered. "Our guests shouldn't be here for a while yet, so settle down. You make such a mess with your antics, and I am not cleaning up after you again."
She was probably beautiful, once. If you only looked at her face, then you might be able to keep thinking that.
But everything below her neck was warp and twisted, inhuman beyond measure.
Her legs were jet-black, long, and spindly. Just like spider legs. Although, from what Kyoko could tell from a glance, she had way more than just eight of them.
She didn't have arms. Instead, she had quivering tentacles that snaked around her body, constantly brushing against her surroundings like a set of feelers. Wherever they touched, a slimy, gooey substance was left behind.
Her torso was like a tree stalk, stiff and upright. Her skin (if it could even be called that) was scaly, tough and leathery. With those tentacles that looked like wildly waving branches and legs that looked up uprooted roots, she looked like some kind of evil, monstrous tree come alive.
"Awwwwwww."
Her partner was even worse. It was huge, its bulk taking up most of the room. It had only one eye, a blood-shot, grime-crusted thing that darted to and fro. Its mouth was a giant cavern of gnashing teeth, still chewing on the remains of some poor soul.
Its arms were small, almost stubby compared to its girth. They seemed absolutely minuscule compared to its giant stomach, a heavy sack that dragged along the floor whenever it moved. Its legs were stout and sturdy, able to bear its impressive weight against all odds.
. . . They didn't tell us that Stray Devils could be this messed up!
As a veteran magical girl, Kyoko had encountered and defeated many witches. She had seen some crazy things in those labyrinths, but most of those experiences were more . . . surreal. Perhaps a bit creepy at times.
Now, this? This was just plain horrific.
I can freak out later. For now, I gotta figure out how to take out Fatty and Leggy.
She was doubly glad that the exorcists had not come along because there was no way she was going to be holding back against opponents like these. She hadn't been religious in a very long time, but creatures as vile as them stirred up a sort of righteous fury in her.
She transformed, donning her usual combat attire and holding her trusty spear out at the ready.
Fatty seems like the slow and bulky type, which should make it easier to avoid. Which means I should go for Leggy first; all those tendrils and legs make her look like a pain to dodge, so I should cut her down before she gets the chance to use them.
Kyoko took a deep breath and crouched down.
"And don't talk with your mouth full. Did your master never teach you proper manners?"
"Harddddd forrrrr masterrrrr toooooo teachhhhh whennnnn IIII eatttt himmmm onnnnn firstttttt dayyyyyy."
"First day? I suppose that would explain your monstrous appearance if you had so much time to mutate."
Distracted by their conversation, the two devils didn't notice as Kyoko slinked closer to them, getting in position for the perfect strike.
"Hmmmmm?" Fatty sniffed the air. "IIII smellll . . . foodddddd."
"Of course you do, you're eating some right now."
"Nooooo . . . freshhhh fooddddd."
In the seconds it took for Leggy to piece together what her partner was saying, Kyoko leaped and struck with feline grace.
SLICK!
Leggy shrieked and fell backward as Kyoko drove her spear forward, through her tentacles and penetrating closer and closer to her heart –
"Got you!" The girl yelled.
THWACK!
Her victory was short-lived, however, as a sudden impact against her back caused her to sail away and crash into the wall.
"Mmmmm, tastessssss goodddddd."
Kyoko looked up to see Fatty leering at her with its eye. It had spat out the remains of its meal, allowing her to see the massive tongue that uncoiled itself from its mouth, its length easily stretching out to be as long as the creature itself.
Leggy hissed as she propped herself back up, her cut tendrils already regenerating. "Glad to see you got off your haunches and actually did something." She turned to Kyoko with a cruel smile. "Now then, little girl, you might have gotten close to killing me there, but I assure you . . ."
Her eyes flattened, becoming serpentine in appearance as her tentacles rushed forward to block off the exit.
"It won't happen again."
Kyoko felt some of her bravado fade in the face of such a sinister glare.
Maybe, just maybe, she was in over her head with this one.
"Hey, guys? I know you won't let me live this down, but I might need some help down here."
. . .
"Guys?"
Leggy smiled cruelly at her. "What's wrong, little girl? No one's going to interrupt our little playtime together; I made quite sure of that. Whatever communication magic you're using won't get past my barrier."
With her surprise attack ruined, her escape route blocked, and her telepathy cut off, Kyoko could only think of two words to describe her situation.
Fuck me.
xxx
Kyoko liked to think that she was a smart fighter.
Wit, cunning, dirty tricks . . . she had all those in spades.
The streets were a good teacher.
And the number one rule for not bleeding out in an alley somehow with a knife between your ribs . . .
Was to not pick fights you couldn't win.
So, she quickly evaluated her odds against two massive opponents with unknown capabilities in an enclosed space and decided that she found her odds wanting.
"See, I'd love to play with you two, but I'll have to pass this time."
Leggy crept closer, forcing Kyoko to backpedal. "Oh? You think you have a choice?" She grinned, revealing sharp, jagged teeth. "You'll be my little plaything, whether you like it or not. And once I'm bored of you, I'll hand you over to my friend over there."
Fatty perked up, intrigued by the prospect of more food to fill its never-ending gullet.
"Yeah, yeah." Kyoko continued backward until her back was against the wall. She raised her spear menacingly. "I'll show you where you can shove those words."
"What a sharp tongue!" The monstrous woman was undeterred by her threat. "I'll have to rip out your tongue as punishment. Scream for me, won't you?"
"I won't be the one screaming."
Kyoko drew back her spear as if she was about to lunge forward . . .
Leggy tensed, bracing for the imminent blow while Fatty wobbled over to join the fray.
BOOM!
Kyoko swung at the wall with all her might, releasing the pent-up magic energy she had been storing during that conversation.
The wall crumbled readily, its structure long since weakened by age. She didn't waste a moment before leaping out.
Landing on the street outside, the first thing she saw was Xenovia and Irina staring at her with wide eyes.
Glancing down at her clothing, which was quite obviously not the exorcist uniform she had been wearing a while ago, she saw the reason for their bewilderment.
Oh, right. I was supposed to keep that secret.
Whoops.
No time for regrets though. They were about to have very large pests to deal with.
"Stop gawking and help!" she yelled at the exorcists. "I don't know what you call a Stray Devil, but those things weren't devils. They were monsters."
Xenovia pulled herself together and frowned. "Stray Devils tend to undergo mutations, but I would hardly call them monsters –"
Leggy stepped out of dust cloud kicked up by the fallen rubble and let out a screech.
"COME BACK HERE, LITTLE GIRL. LET ME TEAR OUT YOUR INNARDS AND HEAR YOU SCREAM!"
The exorcists paled.
"Wha – what?! I've never seen such a highly mutated Stray Devil!" Irina's body was shaking as she drew her weapon. "There's no way they would give a mission this advanced to a group of new exorcists!"
"Yeah, well, go complain about it to your superiors later!" Kyoko said. "We gotta kill these things!"
Before they could coordinate any further, Leggy crashed onto their general vicinity, forcing them to scatter to avoid being tramped by dozens of sharp legs.
"Foodddddddd?" Fatty wobbled out of the ruined building. It eyed the exorcists with glee. "Theyyyyy sendddd moreeeee fooddddd? Delightfulllllll~"
Both Xenovia and Irina were clearly disturbed by the obese behemoth that stood before them. However, their training and discipline kicked in, and they forced themselves to analyze the enemy.
Xenovia noticed something disturbing. "Wha – what? Are those . . . the remains of an exorcist uniform in its mouth?!"
Irina peered closely at the monstrosity's teeth and noticed the same thing. "Huh? You're right! But . . . that doesn't make any sense! If the Church had encountered these things before, they would have already sent a more capable team of exorcists to exterminate them!"
Uncaring of their observations, Fatty lumbered closer, anticipation written all over its drooling face.
It lurched to the side as Kyoko crashed into it with her spear outstretched.
"Less talking, more fighting!" she yelled at the two exorcists.
She drove the tip in, trying to penetrate the creature's hide, but her foe's defenses were surprisingly resilient. It felt like stabbing leather, thick and dense.
"R – right!" Irina said.
She and her partner circled the beast, trying to flank it.
Their efforts were dashed when Leggy charged back into the fray.
"MORE TOYS TO PLAY WITH? WHY, ISN'T THIS MY LUCKY DAY!"
Her tendrils shot out at lightning speed, forcing the exorcists to focus on defending against the onslaught. Raining down dozens of blows in a matter of seconds, it was a testament to their exorcist training that they could deflect them all.
However, with no way to retaliate, they were locked in a stalemate; unable to attack, and unable to escape without leaving themselves open.
"FOODDDDDD!"
Frustrated by Kyoko's constant attempts to chip away at it and its inability to snag her with its tongue, Fatty decided to ignore her and focus on easier prey instead.
Crouching down, its legs coiled, then sprang forward, launching its massive girth an impressive distance.
It landed a short distance away from to two very surprised exorcists.
BOOM!
Caught in the massive shockwave generated by the thing's landing, they were thrown off their feet. Suspended in the air, helpless, they could only look on with horror as the tendrils they had been fending off a moment ago began to snake closer –
A bright flash blazed past them, followed by the rapid barrage of gunfire.
Leggy shrieked as her tentacles were utterly decimated.
Sayaka stood in front of the fallen exorcists protectively, brandishing her newly acquired sword. "Sorry we're late. You two okay?"
Xenovia and Irina picked themselves up, brushing themselves off as well.
"Thanks to you, yes, we're fine," Irina said.
"We won't be caught off guard like that again," Xenovia promised.
Someone landed lightly near them, and they turned to see Mami approaching, smoke still trailing out of her guns. "Apologies for taking so long. Our communications were cut off."
Irina was confused. "Communications? What do you me –"
"Y'ALL WANNA STOP CHATTING AND HELP?"
The entire group spun to see that Kyoko had somehow managed to get on top of Fatty and was now trying to stab its eye out with her spear. The behemoth, obviously miffed at the insect clinging to its head, was thrashing about wildly, trying to throw her off while she hung on for dear life.
Sayaka, noticing Kyoko's change of attire, muttered quietly under her breath. "Damnit, Kyoko."
"In any case, she is correct; we should not tarry." Mami stepped forward, eyeing her opponents. "Miki-san will assist you with that . . . many-legged monstrosity, while I will aid Kyoko-san. Is that an acceptable arrangement?"
"Seems as good a plan as any," Sayaka said.
"I don't have any complaints either," Irina added.
Xenovia nodded wordlessly in agreement.
"Then let us be off!"
The four of them dashed into the fray.
xxx
Mami really wished she could use her muskets right now.
The creature's hide was tough. Impossibly so. Even max-charge shots from her guns only left scorch marks that merely seemed to make it more infuriated.
She had already run out of charge on her first pair of guns and forced to switch to her backup pair, but even those were beginning to run low on energy.
Stepping to the side as the creature's tongue crashed into the ground next to her, she reassessed the situation.
Offensively, her opponent was weak. It seemed to rely on its incredibly long tongue to snag its victims (which was easy enough to dodge as long as she paid attention), but other than that, it seemed to lack any other techniques, aside from primitive measures such as ramming the ground with its body.
Defensively, however, the behemoth was a veritable wall. Its hide turned aside all their blows with ease, and she had yet to see any evidence that they were inflicting lasting damage on it.
In other words, it was the most annoying kind of enemy; extremely hard to kill, but still threatening enough that ignoring it could prove to be fatal.
They needed to land a decisive blow on it, and soon, or else it would outlast them in a battle of attrition.
Mami furrowed her brow as she inspected her foe. The only areas that weren't protected by its hide were its eye and mouth, but it had been difficult to land a shot on those given how much Kyoko was causing it to thrash.
"Kyoko-san!" she called out. "I need you to get it to stand still for a moment!"
"EASIER SAID THAN DONE!"
Kyoko, who had disconnected her spear into a chain, had been trying to strangle the beast with it for the past few minutes to no avail. Giving up on the endeavor, she reformed her weapon and vaulted off the creature, landing lightly on the ground next to Mami.
Spinning around, she turned back towards Fatty and growled. "Hey, ugly. Why don't you just do us all a favor and drop dead already?"
It glared at her balefully, its bloodshot eye glowing with rage. "IIII willlll . . . eattttt youuuuu . . . aliveeeee . . ."
Although it was now standing still, Mami hesitated. Although its inhuman nature made her want to treat it like a dumb beast, her instincts warned her that there was a spark of intelligence in it. If she took the shot, somehow, she knew that it would react; not fast enough to dodge it, but enough to make her miss its vitals.
And with how low her guns were on charge, she couldn't afford to waste a shot.
"Kyoko-san, I need you to distract it."
"Yeah, well, what do you think I've been doing all this time?"
"I need you to distract it and keep it still."
Kyoko gave her an unimpressed look. "Oh? And exactly how am I supposed to do that?"
"You have the magic to do it," Mami pointed out.
The other girl grimaced. "We've had this conversation already. You know why I can't use that."
"You didn't kill them, Kyoko. You couldn't have known what would happen when you made your wish."
"I am not having this argument with you in the middle of a battle. I'll figure something out, so don't get your panties in a twist."
Fatty, unwilling to let this conversation happen in peace, lunged forward with an outstretched tongue. "RAHHHHHH!"
They kicked away from each other, and while Mami began circling around, looking for an opening, Kyoko rushed straight towards the monster.
If I can't use my magic to beguile this thing, then I'll just have to make it submit by force!
She cast a warding spell on her spear, then drove it into the ground and used it to vault into the air. Calling forth her magic midflight, she disconnected her spear, then grew it until it was as long as the creature she was facing. Landing on the opposite side of Fatty, she turned and wrenched the linked pieces down like a hunter trapping an animal with a net.
The monster screamed as it collapsed. It writhed under her trap, desperately trying to free itself to no avail.
Kyoko smirked. Looking at it from the outside, it seemed absurd that such a thin net could hold such a large beast. But she had enchanted her weapon with a repelling ward prior, which forced back specified entities on contact.
And since the monster was in constant contact with the ward, it was constantly being pushed back.
Straight into the ground.
Unfortunately, the constant activation of the ward was draining her magic quite rapidly, so she would be grateful if Mami would hurry up and take the fucking shot already.
"It's all yours!" she called out, sweat beginning to line her brow.
Mami strode forward like a feline predator until she stood right before the Stray Devil's enraged eye. It was glaring fiercely at them, its mouth barely open despite the force of the ward.
"Theyyyy . . . willlll . . . killlll . . . youuuuu . . ."
Without any preamble, she raised her gun and pulled the trigger.
The max-intensity shot tore through the creature's eye, burrowing into its cranium and destroying whatever passed for vital organs in its head.
It slumped over, lifeless, and Kyoko felt the drain on her magic cease as the ward no longer registered the corpse as a valid entity. She checked her Soul Gem and grimaced as she noticed the black cloud obscuring most of the surface.
"Guess I'll have to take it easy for a bit," she muttered.
Mami approached her. "That was quite the creative use of your warding magic. Good job."
Kyoko scowled at her. "If we didn't have to deal with this secrecy crap, you coulda just used your ribbons to do the same thing." She sighed. "Hope Sayaka and the others don't my need my help. It'd be a pain to fight without magic."
Mami chose not to comment as she looked to the side. "The others seemed to have no trouble managing their foe."
Sayaka, Xenovia, and Irina walked over, the remains of their opponent cooling on the ground as well. Their clothes were scuffed up, but none of them had any major injuries.
The two exorcists glanced at Kyoko in her new attire. "What happened to your clothes?" Irina asked.
"Um . . ." Kyoko was caught flatfooted. "Magic?" she said lamely.
Sayaka facepalmed silently. "Way to keep our secret, Kyoko. And also, why the heck didn't you respond when we called for you earlier?"
"Shut up! It's too late for that, anyway. And I couldn't because those crappy Stray Devils were jamming me or something."
"Oh? So, you're a Magician, then?" Xenovia asked.
"Yes," Kyoko declared with far more confidence than she felt.
The two girls nodded as if they understood everything.
Kyoko was surprised by their smooth acceptance. "Shouldn't ya be more surprised? Or maybe angry at me for hiding it?"
"Angry?" Xenovia shook her head. "We haven't revealed everything about ourselves to you either, so it would wrong for us to expect that you would. And we're not surprised because this isn't our first time working with a Magician." She glanced at Mami and Sayaka. "Would it be safe to assume that you two are Magicians too?"
Sayaka was panicking. "Crap, Mami, what do we say? Do we just deny it?"
Mami hesitated. "Calm down. They don't know the real truth; they're just assuming that we conform to one of the magical entities they're familiar with in their world, so we should just play along."
"Har har. Guess I didn't blow our 'secret' after all, huh?"
Ignoring the sarcastic voice in her head, Mami said, "Yes, we are." She tilted her head. "And what do you mean, not your first time? I thought the Church did not have the most favorable view on magic."
"Most church members don't," Irina admitted. "But we were ordered to work with her for a special assignment, and we saw no reason to refuse."
"Her?" Kyoko was beginning to get a pretty good idea as to who they were talking about. "Did she have black hair, wield a bow, and have a glare that could freeze you inside out?"
Xenovia raised an eyebrow. "Why, yes she did. Although I'm not sure about that last one." She shot them a questioning gaze. "Do you know her?"
Kyoko grinned. "Hell yeah, we know her."
"Oh? She never mentioned any of you."
"I'm not surprised," Sayaka said. "Transfer student doesn't open up much."
"In any case, we have more important matters to discuss," Irina interrupted. "Specifically, the sword."
Mami raised an eyebrow. "The sword? What do you mean?"
"That sword . . ." Irina pointed at the faintly glowing sword in Sayaka's hands. "Is one of the fragments of Excalibur – Excalibur Nightmare, to be specific."
"Excalibur?" Mami asked. "So, a Holy Sword, I would presume."
"Indeed." Xenovia glanced at Sayaka. "It takes a large amount of light element to wield a true Holy Sword like an Excalibur Fragment," she said with a hint of respect.
Kyoko laughed. "Hear that? Your ally of justice schtick was useful for something!"
Sayaka flushed. "H – Hey! Don't just assume that!"
"It is not exactly known why certain people have a higher concentration of light element than others," Irina said with a disapproving look towards Kyoko. "Moving on, this sword, in particular, has a special ability."
"Yeah." Sayaka swung the sword around. "Apparently, it can make people see illusions or something? All I know is that suddenly, the Stray Devil began running around in circles like a chicken with its head cut off."
"It must have responded to your strong desire," Xenovia said.
Sayaka looked confused. "What do you mean by that?"
"At what moment did the devil begin acting as you described?" she asked.
"Well . . ." Sayaka thought back. "I think it was when that thing caught Irina off-guard, and I thought that I wouldn't make it in time to save her."
Xenovia nodded. "You must have had a strong desire to save her. That allowed you to activate the sword's ability without any training, albeit unintentionally."
Irina seemed embarrassed by the mention of her blunder. "Anyway . . ." She coughed politely. "After that, killing the Stray was fairly simple. We wore it down with hit-and-run attacks while it couldn't retaliate, and once it couldn't move anymore, we finished it off." Her eyes narrowed. "However, we still don't know why there was an Excalibur Shard here." She looked towards Mami. "Miki-san here said that you two found it along with two exorcists in the abandoned building?"
Mami's eyes widened. "I completely forgot about them! I was going to tie them up for later, but there was no time."
She dashed off to check on them.
xxx
Mami came back, hanging her head. "They weren't there," she said despondently.
Sayaka patted her back. "It's alright. We completed the mission, didn't we? Cheer up!"
"That may be so, but there were quite a few troubling occurrences that concern me," Irina said. "For one, why was Excalibur Nightmare here? Xenovia and I recovered all the fragments after the incident in Kuoh and returned them to the Church. They should be safe in storage!"
"Perhaps the two exorcists intended to use it to defeat the Stray Devils we found?" Xenovia suggested.
Irina shook her head. "No. If they had been given such a task by the higher-ups, then we would most definitely have heard about it. Besides, it seems a bit redundant to assign two different groups of exorcists to defeat the same Stray Devils, don't you think?"
"Yeah, well." Kyoko yawned. "Maybe they made a mistake? Old geezers probably get bored pushing papers around all day, so maybe they got something mixed up somewhere."
"Maybe," Irina echoed. "But that wouldn't explain the other thing that bothers me: the Stray Devils." She glanced at Xenovia. "They were strong, far stronger than most Strays I've seen."
Her partner nodded. "Indeed. It is rare to encounter a Stray of such strength; most are quickly exterminated by either the Devils or the Church."
"Perhaps we were just unlucky, then?" Mami asked. "Even if encountering one is rare, it is not impossible. Not all missions go as planned."
"That would be a possibility, but this was meant to be a beginner level mission. Beginner missions' objectives are scouted out beforehand, which means the Church must have known about these abnormal Strays," Irina said. "Yet, they sent a group of 'new' exorcists to fight them anyway. It would be more like a death sentence than a mission, and judging by the remains we saw in that creature's mouth . . ." She narrowed her eyes. "We wouldn't have been the first to die to those things."
They all fell silent as they digested what they had pieced together from the evidence they had.
"Well," Kyoko said at last, "I knew the Church was fucked up, but I never knew it could be that fucked up." She scanned their faces. "So, now all we need to figure out is why. Why did they give us this suicide mission? Cause clearly, not every batch of fresh-faced recruits fight these monsters, or they wouldn't have any exorcists anymore."
"Isn't it obvious?"
Everyone turned to look at Sayaka in surprise.
She was flustered by the sudden influx of attention but pressed on. "I mean, if they wanted to get rid of us, that could only mean one thing:"
"They're onto us."
xxx
Diodora curled his lips as he glanced down at the rotting corpses of two Stray Devils. They had been very useful to him, cleaners that he could trust to remove anyone he sent their way.
Their recent failure was disappointing, but he had expected it to happen sooner or later. Trash could only deal with other trash, and it was clear that this mysterious new group of exorcists was not your typical run-of-the-mill recruits.
"Be a dear and clean up this blight on the landscape, won't you?" he said to his Queen. "It would be unfortunate if the Church investigated and found this."
After all, to the Pope, he was simply a man with unorthodox connections and a most devious fetish.
And he intended to keep it that way.
His Queen gave him a glassy, vacant stare but nonetheless nodded and rushed off to carry out his orders.
He turned around and walked away from the scene, leaving bloody footprints in his wake. Behind him, the body of two exorcists lied cooling in the midnight air.
If it was just the loss of his cleaners, then he could deal with that. But to lose the Excalibur Fragment as well? All due to the incompetence of the hired help?
Needless to say, the aforementioned grunts wouldn't be disappointing him anymore.
He sighed. "And I was so looking forward to seeing one of my lovely ladies wield it. The very thought of such defiled hands touching a holy blade . . ." He grinned, a savage, perverse expression. "Why, just the thought of it makes me shiver!"
It would have been quite useful in Rating Games too. Although Holy weapons weren't permitted, there were ways to mask a holy aura, and the sword's ability to create illusions at will would have been quite potent in and of itself. And if several of his long-hated rivals were crippled for life by its holy edge, well . . .
That was a bonus he might work a bit harder to make happen.
At the very least, he would soon be in possession of his latest acquisition. So long as the girl followed instructions (and he had no doubt she would, given her meek nature and just who was sending her instructions), it would be quite simple for him to snap her up.
There was no way this third scheme of his would go wrong too.
xxx
He was sitting at his desk, only the soft scratch-scratch of his pen on paper to disturb him in his moment of peace.
In front of him was the daily stack of paperwork that came with his position as Pope. They were mundane papers, paperwork necessary for the daily functions of the Church: proposals, budget plans, approval forms and the like. Innocent, harmless work . . . a welcome distraction from the many sins that weighed on his heart.
A weight that grew heavier every time he had to issue a blood-soaked writ, a sentence of death to some poor soul.
One of his men stepped into his office, softly closing the door behind him. "Our investigation has concluded."
He did not look up. "And?"
"We have found some video footage that may be of interest to you."
His pen continued to scrawl. "Oh? In what manner?"
"It contains footage of someone who bears a very close resemblance to the usurper."
The pen stopped.
". . . Show me."
The man bowed and quickly set up the small TV he had in his office, leaving once his task was complete.
The Pope stared at the screen, both anticipation and trepidation warring within him. What would he see? What would he feel? It was always harder to write the death warrant when he could put a name to a face.
He pressed "Play."
They were in a diner. The film was a bit grainy and the angle was slightly off, but it was acceptable. He saw several people were milling about, but two of them immediately caught his attention.
The clothes hid it well, but he could tell the blonde man had a superhuman grace about him, an unnatural sense of perfection that no mortal could hope to emulate. His companion, on the other hand –
It was her. There was no doubt about it. Even with the hat and the casual clothes, he could still feel it, that raw feeling that surged within him whenever he laid eyes upon her.
The two of them were talking in low voices, a private conversation that he could not overhear. Very little of note occurred, until finally –
The outburst from another table. The hysterical woman.
He saw how she dashed over to aid her, so quickly that it was as if she had teleported. The voices were louder now, allowing him to piece together the conversation.
He saw the woman descend into despair, the realization that her life's work was meaningless overwhelming her.
He saw the goddess try to comfort her, trying to suggest herself as a substitute, a new deity to believe in.
He saw the rejection, a wild bout of anger that was stopped just in time.
And in the end, he saw the woman slump back into her seat, a broken expression to go along with her broken soul.
He had expected such an outcome. Faith, like trust, was such a strong yet fragile thing. Nourished and built upon correctly, it was something that could inspire people to new heights, to overcome their limits.
But to have it betrayed in the worst way possible? To know that you were deceived, that the God you prayed earnestly to every day was nothing more than a shadowy puppet held up by the strings of Heaven?
Stronger men than him had broken because of that. He had been lucky.
When he glanced at the goddess to see her reaction, he had expected several things. Disappointment at failing to convert a new follower, perhaps. Anger at almost being assaulted, possibly.
What he had not, could not have expected was an expression of utter despair that could match that of the stricken woman.
And in that moment, he realized:
She was horrified.
Horrified that her failings had caused this, had reduced a promising young woman to a broken shell, had ruined another's life.
Such compassion and empathy in a deity was unheard of. So many of the other gods treated humans as their playthings, as toys they could meddle with for their own amusement before ultimately discarding them.
But she wasn't like that. She cared about others. She cared about how they felt, whether they were happy or sad, laughing or crying, singing or sobbing.
He might even say that she cared too much.
The only deity who came anywhere close to her –
Was the original God.
The video ended, bathing the room in silence once more.
But the turmoil in his heart had never been louder.
xxx
Omake: Mini Grail War
Exorcists were noble, upstanding warriors. They were the watchers in the night, with a shield to turn aside the encroaching darkness and a sword to slay the evil that dwells in the shadows. They were allies of justice, keepers of the peace, and protectors of humanity.
They were most certainly not shoplifters.
Kyoko gave Sayaka a baleful look. "Look, this wouldn't be necessary if someone –" She glared at Irina, who was innocently standing off to the side. "Hadn't spent all our money on some cheap ass fake replicate of the Holy Grail."
"Hey! It's not a fake. It's the real thing! Look!" She pointed to the cup in question. "You can see a crack there. A replica wouldn't have these kinds of flaws!"
Kyoko rolled her eyes. "Or maybe it's such a shit replica that they couldn't even be bothered to fix the cracks."
Apparently, this wasn't the first time something like this had happened. Xenovia was only too eager to regale the three new girls of how Irina spent all their money on a fake painting of a saint during their mission to retrieve the stolen Excaliburs.
Irina had looked at her in betrayal, but her rumbling stomach would not be denied its vengeance.
"Wait. I have an idea to solve this. Without us having to become criminals!" Irina shot up with a triumphant expression.
Mami glanced at the large bag of stolen snacks lying on the bench next to them. "I'm afraid it might be a little too late for that . . ."
Irina continued, unfazed. "If this is the real cup, that means it can grant wishes!"
The others looked at her with dumbfounded expressions.
"I don't remember anything like that being part of the Grail's legend," Xenovia said.
"Yeah . . . I think you're grasping at straws here," Sayaka said.
"No, I'm serious!" Irina insisted. "All we have to do is have a battle to decide a victor, and then the Grail will grant the victor's wish."
The others did not seem impressed.
". . . That sounds like the plot of some third-rate anime show," Kyoko said.
"You don't believe me? Why don't we give it a try? We don't have anything to lose."
Kyoko rolled her eyes. "You mean besides causing collateral damage? And blowing our cover. We're kinda out in public, here." She gestured to their surroundings.
"No, no, it doesn't have to be a physical fight," Irina explained. "We can just do rock-paper-scissors."
The others still seemed dubious, but the rather tame method of conflict seemed to alleviate most of their concerns.
"Well, I'm bored, so a rock-paper-scissor tourney sounds good to me," Sayaka said.
"I suppose it won't hurt to try," Mami concluded.
Xenovia and Kyoko nodded and moved closer for the impending battle.
"Alright!" Irina had a determined glint in her eyes. "I'm going to win this, and you'll all regret doubting me. Rock! Paper! Scissors!"
"SHOOT!"
Five hands came down at once.
. . .
. . .
. . .
"Why the hell did y'all choose paper?!"
Aside from Kyoko, everyone else had chosen paper for some strange reason.
Kyoko, meanwhile, was the only one with scissors.
"Curses!" Irina was fuming as she pounded the bench to vent her frustrations. "Why didn't you go rock?! Everyone always goes rock!"
"I don't know where you heard that load of bull, but it clearly doesn't seem to apply seeing that not a single one of us chose rock, huh?" She turned to the others. "Anyway, what's y'all's deal?" Her eyes narrowed as each and every one of them avoided meeting her eyes. "Don't tell me you thought the same thing as Pigtails over there?"
"Ehehehehe . . ." Sayaka laughed weakly. "Don't . . . don't worry about it."
"Y – Yeah, Kyoko-san." Mami seemed flustered as well. "S- Shouldn't you be making your wish?"
Kyoko turned to the last one, Xenovia, who merely gave her a respectful nod. "You have fought and defeated us fairly. It is time for you to claim your prize."
Kyoko felt like facepalming. "Fine. Whatever. Let's get this over with."
She walked up to the fake cup, which had begun to glow faintly for some reason.
"So, what are you gonna wish for?" Irina asked. "Fame and prestige? Riches? World peace?"
"Nah . . ." Kyoko stared down into the golden grail. "I think I'll wish for . . ."
She took a deep breath.
Everyone else leaned in closer in anticipation.
"AN INFINITE SUPPLY OF POCKY!"
Everyone's jaws simultaneously dropped.
The cup's glow intensified. It rose into the air, the air around it pulsating madly.
"Wh – what's going on?"
Light flashed violently, and with an ear-splitting POP!
The cup vanished.
Pocky began raining from the sky.
". . ."
". . ."
". . ."
Xenovia plucked some Pocky that had landed in her hair and began eating it.
Kyoko followed suit.
"Mmmmm, it's pretty good," the exorcist said.
"Isn't it? Well, this isn't quite what I wished for, but I guess it's close enough."
Everyone else facepalmed.
On that day, world hunger was solved.
Unfortunately, mankind was driven to extinction years later due to a massive outbreak of diabetes.