Shakarian Compendium
Confessions
"Liara!" cried Shepard, successfully pushing her out of the path of the rampaging yahg. She was in close now, ducking and weaving the Shadow Broker's massive swings, hammering at his limitless defences with her shotgun and biotics. Her own shields were practically none existent, the red warning flashes glinting incessantly on the inside screen of her visor.
Continuous shots bounced off his shield ineffectively as Liara continued to pepper him with bullets.
Out of ammo Shepard's shotgun misfired leaving her open to the Shadow Broker's assault as he brought his Revenant to bear. Before he had a chance to open fire she quickly tossed her shotgun over catching the barrel in a firm grip and cracked the butt of it across the side of his face - a vain attempt to have chance to draw her pistol, but a single brutal swipe in retaliation knocked her hand cannon from her grasp.
Ripping pain tore through her wrist with the impact and for a split second Shepard could only watch as her last remaining weapon skittered far out of reach. In sheer desperation she brought her arms up in defence to meet the Broker's next attack, the bone shattering force of his strike nearly driving her to her knees in front of him. Every fibre of her being trembled with overexertion yet she somehow held her ground, pushing back for all she was worth.
"My deal with the Collectors for your body is still open," he promised, towering over her with a threatening growl; adding more force as he attempted to crush Shepard where she stood.
Suddenly two more shots fired, but this time the Broker reared up in agony clasping at the exposed flesh of his neck. With his weight gone Shepard couldn't help but collapse, her head spinning as she tried desperately to see how Liara had been able to reposition so quickly.
It wasn't Liara.
Garrus, she realised, filled with relief and awe at the unexpected sight of him standing straight and determined as he brandished her lost pistol - though his other arm clutched at his bloodied midriff. Miraculously he'd re-emerged from beneath the rubble that had buried him and now mercilessly fired two more rounds into the back of the Broker's armoured skull watching as the huge yahg teetered and thrashed in pain.
Shepard took her chance. Struggling to her feet, face grim, she launched herself at the Broker's middle forcing him back the last few paces necessary to position him beneath the energy core in the ceiling above as Liara had strategised.
"Now Liara!" she shouted, throwing herself clear as the space was consumed in an explosive biotic storm reducing the Shadow Broker at the epicentre to a pile of smouldering ash.
"Shepard," exclaimed Chakwas as the door to the med-bay opened and the two of them nearly walked into each other. "I was just on my way to check on Ensign Greerson. How's the wrist?"
"It's alright," she replied, automatically lifting it and flexing her fingers to prove the point.
Chakwas gave it quick inspection anyway, murmuring thoughtfully to herself for a moment before adding aloud, "Hmm, whatever else might be said of Cerberus, their implant technologies are impressive."
Shepard pulled her arm away, the subject a little too close to sore nerves at present for her to indulge the doctor's enthusiasm. "How is he?" she asked, drawing Chakwas's attention to where Garrus lay asleep - and her reason for coming.
"He'll be fine," Chakwas assured. "One of the broken ribs had partially punctured his left inferior lobe, but it wasn't much to repair. I just didn't trust him not to go crawling around under the forward batteries ten minutes after surgery so I took the precaution of sedating him. He'll be out for the next six hours or so."
"Sound discretion Karin," admitted Shepard, offering her a small smile. Knowing Garrus, calibrations would have been the first thing on his 'personal' recovery list.
"Did you need me for anything before I go?" Chakwas asked.
"No, I'm fine. I was just going to…" Shepard gestured to Garrus and began dragging up a stool to sit beside him. Understanding her intentions Chakwas offered her a quick sympathetic smile and took her leave.
To be left alone with her thoughts still made Shepard uneasy. As a result she knew that being here was as much for her own sake as Garrus's, but if anyone would understand her selfishness it would be him. She really had nothing left to hide from him anymore - well, almost nothing - and the realisation had been quite liberating. He'd seen her at her absolute worst after Alchera, destroying any pre-conceived idea he'd formed of her being somehow unshakeable, and yet, somehow, their friendship appeared stronger than ever.
"How is this normal?" Shepard asked, pulling her injured hand away. She and Garrus were sat on the shuttle bay floor their backs to a mound of storage crates whilst Garrus carefully assessed the damage Shepard's fight with a control terminal had done. He'd already removed several pieces of glass, commenting more than once that they should go up to the med-bay and let Chakwas look it over, but Shepard had refused. Already the bloody gashes were healing.
"I've seen krogans regen faster," Garrus replied truthfully.
Shepard sighed, frustrated. "Yes, but I'm not krogan am I. I'm not sure I know what I am anymore." She clenched her fists and looked away. "I was dead wasn't I? How can I be who I was before?"
"Shepard…"
She closed her eyes, letting her head fall back against the crate behind. "I was never really religious," she admitted at length. "I've seen too much to be totally enamoured by the idea of an afterlife, but it was always comforting to hope. There wasn't anything though, not a god damn thing. Not till I woke up on that lab table with Miranda's face hovering over me telling me to calm down."
"Did you ever think that perhaps it just wasn't your time?" Garrus asked, drawing her attention back to him. She half smiled, it was a nice sentiment. "If there was anyone with the will to hold on it'd be you," he added.
"Beyond death?" she asked in disbelief.
Unmoved by Shepard's scepticism, it was Garrus's turn to look thoughtful. "The day you saved me on Omega, I knew it was you, you know. Do you know how? Your armour was plain black after all. No identification marks."
"Probably some Cerberus experimental model," Shepard recalled.
Garrus nodded in agreement. "I had you in my sights when you unknowingly looked straight at me, unafraid, and it was your eyes I recognised," he said, looking at her with sudden intensity. "They burn with a determination and wealth of experience beyond your years."
Stunned by his sincerity, Shepard found she was lost for words only able to stare back.
"No Cerberus 'project' could emulate that look, Shepard," he added seriously. "Regardless of how tough your new shell is, that's you in there."
Shepard hadn't realised she was crying again till Garrus reached out, his long taloned fingers hovering millimetres from touching her cheek before he settled whatever internal debate he was having and wiped a stray tear away….
Sudden raised voices drew her attention as the first of the dinner schedule arrived in the mess hall. A few jibes were being exchanged with Mess Sergeant Gardener same as always. She wasn't worried, he was more than capable of giving as good as he ever got. Tuning the noise out Shepard turned back to Garrus. Leaning forward she rested her hand over his, lightly interlacing their fingers, savouring the warmth radiating from his fascinating skin.
…. "Is it to give Garrus peace of mind? Something has changed between you two."
It took a moment for Shepard to respond, the question coming as somewhat of a surprise whilst Liara seemed absorbed in the numerous data screens and other technological processes of her new found 'power'. "Is that really surprising?" she asked in response. "Two years makes quite a difference, just look at you."
"That's not what I meant and you're forgetting just how much I already knew," Liara replied, offering Shepard a brief glance. "You always cared about each other that was plain to see, though if I remember right it took Garrus a little longer to relax with the idea of having a 'friendship' with his C.O." She smiled lightly at the memory, triggering a similar response from Shepard as she remembered that time too, a strange sense of loss filling her heart.
It seemed more than a little odd to recall those days nostalgically, they'd been some of the most arduous weeks of her life, but what wouldn't she give to have some of that time back. To have survived to see Garrus again and buy him those countless drinks she'd admitted to owing the last time they'd parted ways.
"In the end I think you were closer to Garrus than anyone during those months we pursued Saren," Liara continued, "a fact that was only compounded further by how much you couldn't see him after the attack on the Citadel."
It was uncanny how much Liara had picked up on considering Shepard knew she hadn't personally confided any information to anyone. Close to the mark too given her previous train of thought and it managed to catch her out again, heat rising to her cheeks as if her thoughts had been on more than just drinks with her friend. At that point she remembered the 'informative' mail from Mordin still sat in her private terminal inbox. If it hadn't been relevant she'd have deleted it by now, wouldn't she?
"That blush confirms something too." Liara remarked, giving Shepard her full attention. "But what about Kaidan?" she asked curiously.
"What about Kaidan?"
"You know I was never convinced that there wasn't something between you."
"Neither was he that was the problem." Shepard explained, turning to sit on the edge of the control panel behind her. "We were friends, good friends. I hope that when all this craziness is done with that something of that can be salvaged, but we've never been anything more." She folded her arms across her chest, her stance as resolute as her summary answer. "He's a good man. We had a connection; it just meant something different to him."
Liara went back to looking over the data screens as she considered this apparently new piece of information. "But Garrus?" she asked after a moment. When Shepard didn't respond Liara stopped what she was doing and looked up again.
Shepard refused to meet her gaze, thinking over how it would feel to just come out and admit what she felt, not only now, but ever since those few short weeks on the Citadel after the Geth attack, after Sovereign's destruction, when all that time apart from him had made her realise… "It's always been Garrus, Liara."
"Does he know?"
Why wouldn't he, everyone else seems to, thought Shepard in a sudden panic. "I… don't think so."
"Why not? You wouldn't be the first to find comfort in the arms of a turian, Shepard."
"Honestly, I think it would be too strange for him; maybe even for me," she sighed.
Liara shook her head, clearly irritated by such a response. "I think you're both more open minded than you give yourselves credit for. I've watched you together and the relationship I see is not one of a C.O and her subordinate, alien 'friend'. You're equal partners in this endeavour. Garrus has 'grown up' if you will; become a skilled leader and the authority and confidence of that no longer diminishes with your presence."
Shepard looked up checking Garrus's monitors before resting her gaze on his sculpted turian face. Perhaps Liara was right, where was the problem? And perhaps the idea of forming an attachment given the circumstances was as inherently mad as Shepard believed, but one thing remained certain regardless.
"I honestly don't know what I'd do without you," she confessed quietly.
Almost instantaneously Garrus's fingers gently squeezed her hand.