Chapter 10 – June 1917

I stared out the window over our family's farm. It was a beautiful, bright and sunny day. It was the kind of weather that brides prayed for their wedding day.

"It is almost time Esme," my mother called from the hallway.

I stepped away and took another look in the mirror, at the stranger standing in front of it. Not a strand of hair was out of place, the makeup was light but also perfection, the veil tumbled from the crown of my head down my back and the gown with layers of lace and satin went to my ankles where my white shoes poked out.

I was content. Not excited. Not thrilled. Not even happy. Just content.

I asked Millie, Helen and my mother for a moment alone to compose myself. I was sure they thought it was because I was overwhelmed with emotion and I wished that was the case. I was numb and had worked myself to content in the last few minutes but I wasn't expecting much more than that for now.

Although Charles had wanted me to stop teaching immediately and move to Columbus after I accepted his proposal, I was firm that I wanted to finish out the school year with my students. He reluctantly agreed but was unhappy about the 50 miles between us and the fact that due to the weather, he was unable to see me for nearly two months in the winter.

When we were together, I tried so hard to make my heart leap. I wanted to feel all the emotions I knew Helen felt for Thomas, but for all the friendly affection I felt for Charles, the happiness I felt at seeing him when he walked into the room, my heart did not pound and my head did not swoon.

So here I stood, about to become his bride, him knowing full well that my eyes did not reflect the emotions he felt toward me. I feared I was robbing him of something he truly deserved. I had spoken to my mother about this fear and she told me that when she married father he was more in love with her than she was with him but she knew he was a good choice and with time her heart matched his.

"Esme?" I had not noticed that my mother had silently come in the door and was standing behind me. She looked at my reflection and walked toward me taking my hand and patting it with motherly affection. "Your grandparents are looking down and smiling. You are doing the right thing dear. This is the right choice. Do not forget what I told you."

Shaking my head in agreement, I squeezed her hand and gave her the smile of a happy bride.

At that moment Helen and Millie bounded into the room, laughing and fawning over me. In a whirl I was out the door and sitting in the carriage, my father holding my hand next to me and my mother and the ladies excitedly chattering across from us as we headed to the church.

Charles had wanted to wed in Columbus but my parents insisted that we get married in the church where I was baptized and they still went to every Sunday. Reluctantly, my parents had agreed to let his parents co-host the reception in Columbus.

Before I knew it, I was standing in the back of the church and a moment later the music began and I was in the aisle. My arm on my father's, a smile on my face as I knew it should be and Charles waiting at the end of it. Charles eyes locked on mine, and a smile spread across his face. I saw Arthur, his best friend and best man, pat his shoulder.

It was mostly a blur. I remember my father lifting my veil and kissing my cheek with tears in his eyes before handing me over to Charles. I remember the minister's voice but not the words. I remember "I do" and Charles looking in my eyes as he repeated the minister's words and slid the ring on my finger and I in turn doing the same. Then I heard, "You may kiss the bride." I turned once again to face Charles; his eyes were dancing as he gently took my cheeks in his hands and kissed me sweetly. He continued to hold onto my face as the minister introduced us to the congregation and a cheer erupted from our room full of witnesses. I couldn't help but smile at everyone's exuberance as we walked down the aisle.

When we exited through the doors out into the sunlight, our hands still clasped, I turned to face Charles. As I tried to look at him, his arms went around my waist lifting me into the air and as he brought me down to the ground he kissed me deeply, the pressure verging on painful. As he released me, he chuckled as he leaned into my hair and whispered, "You are mine now forever."

I was dumbstruck for a moment but quickly regained my composure as the receiving line began. I now got to see the individual faces that made up the nearly standing room only ceremony. All of the Ohio Platt's were present, and the few members of Charles's small extended family, old schoolmates and their families I had known my whole life, Charles's friends from university and business partners from the bank.

When the last hand was shook and the congratulatory kiss was placed on my cheek, we climbed into the back seat of the automobile that Charles's father was usually driven in for the ten mile drive to our reception.

We waved out the window until the car rounded the bend and I couldn't see any of my loved ones anymore. As we settled on the seat for the journey, Charles arm slipped behind me around my waist and his lips pressed against my cheek. He whispered in my ear, "I am so happy Mrs. Evenson."

I turned to face him and genuinely smiled, "I am too."

His eyes were bright as he glanced down at my gown and back to my eyes, "You looked like an angel fallen from heaven when you came down the aisle. I thought to myself, how did I get so lucky?" He leaned in to kiss my lips again and I let my husband have them but as his hand fell on my knee I felt my body tense. His lips moved across my cheek. Once again close to my ear he spoke, "Relax Esme Evenson, I love you." My breath caught in my throat as his lips continued moving down my neck. As his lips pressed against the base of my throat I found myself involuntarily giggling and pushing Charles away. He looked at me at me with hurt in his eyes and I thought I caught a flash of anger. He sat up quickly and turned to look out the window before looking back at me smiling at me now. "I'm sorry my dear. Of course there will be time for all of that later tonight."

He took my hand and kissed it, then wrapped his arm around me, putting my head gently against his shoulder. We rode in silence the last few miles into Columbus.

A repeat of the morning - I was alone in front of the mirror again, but my attire, though still white, was quite different.

It had been a long day and the wedding ceremony itself seemed like it was weeks ago not just a few hours before. The party had gone on for hours and I would have been happy just to go to sleep but I knew that was not the fate waiting for me on the other side of the door.

In secondary school I had studied biology and anatomy so I understood the physical basics but at the moment I didn't feel like it prepared me for tonight.

I had asked my mother what to expect. Her response was not particularly helpful.

"Women had been having relations with their husbands since the beginning of time. You will be fine. Just let him lead the way."

Helen was a bit giddier.

"I won't lie to you Esme," her face turning red. "It wasn't comfortable at first but then the pain eased and we barely got out of bed for the rest of the honeymoon."

Finally I went to Grace.

"Oh Esme, by the time you are an old married woman like me…" she paused, a thoughtful look on her face as she smiled, "we don't as often but it is still wonderful."

With the country going to war just a month ago and the Selective Service Act passed, Charles had decided that we would spend our honeymoon period at home.

Our new home had been an overwhelming wedding gift from Jonathan and Mary. Located in one of the more fashionable areas of Columbus, it was larger than Michael and Sarah's home by several rooms. It was more house than I knew what to do with but then again a lot of the decisions had been made for me. It was fully decorate by the time I saw it for the first time earlier this week. Much of it wasn't a style I would have chosen at all but I guess I should not be ungrateful.

When I finished teaching last week, my trunks that usually went to my parents' home for the summer went straight here so at least I knew I had a few things packed away that I could use to make this place feel more like my home.

The last of my things that had gone with me to my parents for my last week at home had been dropped off by a family friend on his way to the reception. Joyce had been here to accept it. With a house so large, the Evensons felt it was absolutely necessary that we had at least one full-time servant to help me manage running the house. Joyce had the experience of more than two decades with Charles parents and seemed eager to make the move to our home.

Eager to please, or maybe just anticipating our needs, she had placed my nightgown on a hanger on the back of my closet door. Now I stood staring at my reflection, the silk and lace against my skin.

I was as ready as I was ever going to be for today's second rite of passage but I was still staring at the door that led to our bedroom. I took a deep breath and turned the door knob to this strange new room where I would lay my head nightly for the rest of my life.

Charles was standing by the window and he quickly closed the curtain as he turned to look at me. He was wearing a burgundy robe that went to his ankles. I forced a smile onto my face as I walked toward him with what felt like weights for ankles. His hands went up to motion for me to stop. "Just let me look at you for a moment Esme."

I stopped as his eyes roamed from my face down my body and back again to my eyes. His eyes were wide and bright with a look of wanting as he moved toward me. My feet were frozen to the floor.

He reached around behind me, pulling me into his arm, pressing his body against mine. I tried to relax but he leaned down, pressing his lips to mine, his tongue pushing its way into my mouth. Although I wanted to push him away my mother's voice screamed in my head, "Just let him lead the way."

After what seemed like an eternity, he withdrew and looked down at me with a roguish smile, his eyes moving downward, "As pretty as that is my dear wife, I have been longing to see what is underneath it."

My heart stopped as Charles hands reached down and grabbed the fabric of my nightgown and pulled it up, my arms automatically raising, as he kept moving his arms upward and suddenly my shield was gone. My arms instinctually went to cover my breasts, but he caught my hands, pulling them aside, chuckling, "You are not going to spoil this for me." I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks as he leaned down to pull my underwear to the floor, tossing it to the side, leaving a kiss on my stomach as he stood back up.

I was trying to breath and trying not to tremble. The evening was warm so it wasn't a matter of being cold. Charles walked around me now, inspecting my body from every angle, with eyes that reminded me of a hungry animal. He finally stopped in front of me and stared into my eyes as he untied the sash of his robe and dropped it to the floor. I had never seen a naked man in the flesh but there he was and I'm sure shock was registering on my face. Whatever my expression, it made him laugh as he threw his muscular arms up turning around where he stood so I could see everything. I felt like I should have looked away but I could not avert my eyes.

He started toward me again and before I realized what I was doing, I took a step backwards. A shadow crossed his face for a moment, "Calm down Esme. I'm not going hurt you." He moved toward me again and I stayed as he wrapped me in his arms, pressing his flesh against mine making me feel sensations I had never felt before. He held me for just a moment burying his face in my hair before his mouth began its onslaught again. His kiss was more forceful this time, more desperate, and I was trying to keep up but my nerves were still getting the best of me. His hands roamed freely over my skin, while all I could do was stand there and let him, my hands not responding in the same way at all. His lips moved across my cheek and down my neck and I still couldn't move. I froze solid as his hands touched my breasts and his erection pushed against my leg. "Touch me Esme" he begged, "Please, I love you." My disembodied hands went to his shoulders and slowly moved down his chest and then I leaned forward and kissed it. That was it. He growled as he picked me up, his lips again on mine, moving quickly, dropping me down onto the bed.

I tried to sit up but as he kneeled on the bed he pushed me back down with both hands and leaned over me, his lips pushing against mine, his hands now moving downward. His hand on my knee, his lips not letting go, I tried to stop my mind and heart from racing but my nerves were frayed. He began to try to push my knees apart but they wouldn't budge. Again he tried with no result. Our lips separated then, and he looked down at me, "Darling, relax." He pushed again but harder this time, using the strength in his arms and my legs reluctantly came apart. I felt my eyes filling with tears, having never been so exposed and his hand running up my thigh was making me shake. As he positioned himself over me, I panicked and raised my hands to push him away, my legs trying to come back together, "Charles, I can't do this," I cried.

"Esme, calm down!" he said sternly but I didn't and I continued to flail. "No Charles! No!" He grabbed my wrists and pinned them down and yelled now, "Esme! Stop it! You are being ridiculous!" But I couldn't and I didn't until the slap across my face dazed me. My cheek was on fire as he grabbed my chin roughly and pulled my face toward him, his eyes now burning with anger as he hissed, "Esme Evenson, I have waited too long to have you and whether you like it or not we are consummating this marriage now."

Before I could find my voice, any compassion or tenderness gone, he viciously pushed my legs apart, and plunged into me. The pain was excruciating and it took me a moment to realize I was screaming and trying to push him off of me. He grabbed my arms roughly and pinned them with one hand over my head and then placed the other one my mouth to silence me.

I felt the tears flowing down my cheeks, the sob in my throat as he continued to thrust into me. The torture was endless until he finally released with a cry and breathing hard, fell on me, releasing my hands and my mouth. The sob finally burst out and my chest rose and fell with my cries. Regaining his breath he looked down our bodies, and with a hideous laugh said, "Well Esme, my virgin bride, you are free of that burden and now it is time for the good times."

His eyes came back to mine and he kissed a tear on my cheek but at the same time gave me a look filled with mischief that frightened me. I gasped as his mouth fell to my breast and his hand moved roughly up my thigh again. "Charles, please! No more!"

I was still wide awake. I stared at the window. I could see that twilight was coming from my position curled up on my side, facing away from his snoring body, his arm still lying possessively across my hip.

Four times he had taken me for his pleasure. After the first I begged him, after the second I pleaded with him, after the third I was silent.

I tried to reason in my mind at first that it was his exuberance and adrenaline, but his refusal to stop even when my tears and my pleading continued scared me more than any physical pain. Even on my side, I couldn't quite bring my thighs together. They burned and I was positive they were bruised from being pulled apart, held open, and pushed against repeatedly with little to no regard for my welfare. This thought made the tears reappear but I bit my lip refusing to let out any noise with him finally asleep.

Would he apologize in the morning? Would he feel remorse? Would he give me a few days to heal?

I shuddered at the thought of what the morning light would bring. A voice in my head kept repeatedly asking, "Esme, what have you done?"