Mandy
"they didn't," I said after awhile thinking back to the night it happened.
I knew evan was waiting for me to go on.
"protect me," I said not saying what had happened.
"oh that's why you're thin?...that's why you...oh um wow," evan said piecing it all together.
"yeah cause I want to be."
"even when I won't be able i'm sorry you have to know that.i will always want to."
"oh."
"i should've done something about it when it wasn't 'the past' had I known."
"well once she was diagnosed we couldn't really er 'un'diagnose . wait. If you were only 3 at the time...then how do you remember...the time before kate got sick?" evan asked not understanding.
"well I don't really. I just um. I've had dreams about it," I said.
"oh ok. Yeah cause most people don't remember things before the age of 4."
"no I know."
"ok."
"and see that's why it bothers me so cause I can't change it."
"no I I get it.i wish you weren't sick but...you know the reality of it is you are so. Just how it is."
"maybe I will have that drink," I said.
"ok."
as evan poured I thought back to that night and what happened after I ran into the guy:
"i can' to a hotel not now," I told him.
"ok...do you...want to tell me what happened?"
"you don't tell anyone this unless I ok it."
"ok."
he waited while I talked.
"this might be a weird question but do you um have a razor?" I asked.
"for shaving?"
"no for..."
"oh no but the hotel gift shop might."
"i told you I can't-"
"no i'll go back there. Or there's a walgreen's right up the st. and a grocery store nearby."
"my money he took my money I think...i don't remember."
"i don't have much on me but you can have it. Really it's ok. I don't really agree w/ what you're doing but. Do what you need to do right now careful. You're not the first person i've known who does this."
"i um ok."
he handed me 2 20's.
"here. If you need like food ."
"ok."
"do you want me to come w/ you or...?"
"no please not now."
"ok."
we went our seperate ways.