I own no one but my own people
There you are. Giving up the fight. Here I am. Begging you to try. Talk to me, let me in. But you just put your wall back up again. Oh when's it gonna end? How far! Do I have to go to make you understand! I wanna make this work so much it hurts but I just can't! Keep on givin'! Go on livin'! With the way things are! So I'm gonna walk away and it's up to you to say how far.
Martina McBride 'How Far'
"Fin, wait!"Cried Olivia as she ran to catch up to him but he ignored her pleas as he stormed over to his desk snatching up the phone and putting it to his ear.
Olivia raced over to him and took the receiver from his hand and hung it back up on the black plastic base.
"Get off it, Liv," growled Fin with a sad attempt at a glare but she wasn't fazed in the least.
"Who are you calling?" demanded Olivia.
"A protection detail to come look after you."
"I don't want a protection detail!" She grabbed his hand as he reached for the handheld again. "I want you."
"Wilson's a psycho. He's gonna try to hurt you and you know it."
"And you'll be there to help me kick his ass if he does."
Fin shook his head and pulled his hands away from hers. His voice lowered to a soft whisper as if he was embarrassed of the words that he forced past his lips. "No I won't. Stabler's right, Olivia," grumbled Fin while a dark defeat lined his tone. "I can't protect you."
Olivia looked up at him for a moment before she grabbed his hand and pulled him away from the desk. Across the room and into the tiny crowded file room Olivia never once relinquished her hold and while Fin didn't pull back he wasn't hurrying along either.
She pulled him into the room and shut the door quietly behind her before rounding on him.
He noticed a wetness shining in her eyes and he felt a tidal wave of guilt wash over him.
"You did protect me." Her voiced was laced with tears and she unconsciously rubbed her wrist where Harris had nearly broke it. "I would have been raped if it wasn't for you."
"You were. He... you know what he did to you," snarled Fin becoming enraged at the mere memory of it. "I was supposed to make sure you weren't hurt and I failed."
"You're right I do but you and I both know he would have gone a lot further if you hadn't of found us. He would have raped me and maybe killed me. You saved me, Fin," she added as she draped her arms around his neck.
"Nothing should have happened though, no matter how much worse it could have been for you," said Fin softly as he gently removed her hands from around him. "I was the one supposed to look out for you in there and I failed."
"I wasn't supposed to need anyone," argued Olivia. "I was supposed to look after myself and I was too weak to."
"Don't call yourself that," pleaded Fin as he took her hand in his. "You are NOT weak. You don't get to blame yourself for what he did to you."
"Then why can you blame yourself? Why can you blame yourself for what happened he did to me?"
"Because when Cragen took Elliot off the job and gave it to me I promised them I'd take care of you and I didn't."
Her lips parted and her eyes narrowed in bewilderment. "Cragen gave you the job? I thought you volunteered?"
"Elliot gave the idea to Cragen and volunteered, he was told no but it was a good idea and I was told I had to do it," Fin corrected.
"Why wasn't Elliot there?" asked Olivia trying her hardest not to convey nothing more than her simple honest curiosity instead of what she knew Fin would wrongly assume; that she would have preferred her partner over him in the face of her worst nightmare.
Her hope went unfounded and he swallowed hard before he spoke. "Cragen was afraid."
"Afraid of what?"
Fin shrugged willing himself to look past her look of astonishment. "He was afraid that if something did happen to you, and it did… he was afraid that Elliot would kill the guy on sight. I mean I can't really blame him. Hell I wanted to kill him when I saw what he was doing to you and I wasn't anywhere near as close to you as Elliot was."
A brief flood of admiration washed through her for her partner but it was gone as soon as it had come when she remembered why exactly she was talking to her boyfriend in the file room.
"Fin, listen to me," said Olivia softly. "I do not blame you for what happened and anyone that does is an idiot. You saved me, you protected me, and you saved me from being raped."
"No I-."
"Yes you did," interrupted Olivia. "And if I had to go back there I wouldn't have or need anyone else in there with me other than you."
A heavy sigh escaped his lips and Olivia didn't even to take a crack at holding back a defiant stare.
"Fine, it's your fault. Is that what you want me to say? It's not true and I don't believe it in the slightest but if it'll make you feel better then I'll say it until I'm blue in the face alright? But just know if that is what you do want me to say and you truly honestly believe that you're to blame then I'm leaving you. It's up to you."
"Don't!" cried Fin as he reached out and grabbed her hand as if to physically stop her from following through on her threat. "I'm sorry! I didn't... I know that it was all of Harris' fault but what Elliot said about not being able to protect you… it got to me."
"Elliot is an idiot for even thinking that!" Olivia took a deep breath as she tried to make herself calm down. She draped her arms around Fin and the corner of her lip lifted some when he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her in closer. "If you keep listening much less believing him regarding you or me or us then this relationship isn't gonna last very long and I think we can both agree that that's something neither of us want."
A soft chuckle escaped him and Olivia was delighted to see some reminiscent of a smile appear on his lips. "You're right and… I'm sorry."
"And I am too. But you wanna know how to make it up to me?"
"Oh do tell," said Fin with a wily smirk.
"For starters you can take me out to dinner tonight and give me a chance to wear that gorgeous dress you bought me."
Fin's grin fell and he shook his head. Olivia raised her brow in confusion. "No."
"No?"
"No. You have a near genius guy after you who gets off on torturing women and you're next in line."
Olivia pouted but Fin wasn't fazed by her look although he did have to turn away from her before he answered her. "Fin, our date was ruined by one drunken idiot last night I don't wanna have it ruined by a psychotic idiot tonight. I can take care of myself and you'll be right by my side the entire night."
She leaned up and nuzzled her face in the crook of his neck, gently biting the skin.
"Christ, Liv," Fin moaned as he pulled her against him and bent his neck so she could get more access.
"Are you SURE you don't wanna go out tonight?" whispered Olivia before she nipped his ear a smile widening o her face when she heard him emit a low growl.
Fin clenched his hands in tight fists as Olivia's lips continued to assault his neck. "It's for your own safety, baby girl," he told her as he pulled away from her mouth. He knew even a moment longer of that and he would have committed murder if she had asked him.
Frowning; Olivia stepped away from her lover. "So I'm not allowed to have any fun with you until Wilson is caught?"
A sigh escaped him as he looked down at her, hating that he was making her disappointed in him. Suddenly an idea entered his head that he couldn't help but smile at. "Not at all, baby girl. How about tonight you come over to my house and I make you dinner?"
He stepped towards her and pulled her tighter to him. "I promise you it'll be the most romantic dates you've ever been on."
Olivia looked up at him and a soft laugh escaped as he too was pouting but it made much less of an effect then Olivia's pout had on him. She couldn't help but blush at the beaming smile Fin gave her when she nodded yes; like he had just won some grand prize by her agreeing to have dinner with him. "A romantic dinner it is then. I'll be over around eight?"
"Who said anything about you driving, baby girl? I'm picking you up at your apartment."
"Fin, you don't have to do that."
"The hell I don't. What kind of man doesn't pick his girl up when he invites her to dinner?"
Olivia laughed and another nod was her answer. "Sure. But who knew that Fin Tutuola actually had a chivalrous side."
He chuckled and shrugged. "There are a lot of things you don't know about me and hopefully I'll be able to tell you them all someday."
"I hope so too."
The couple smiled at one another before there was a soft rap on the door and Munch opened it without waiting for instruction. "You two okay?" the older detective asked.
"We're fine," Olivia assured him as she rested her head on Fin's chest. "How's Elliot?"
Fin and Munch gave her a look of disbelief that she choose to ignore on both counts.
"He's fine… I think. Or he could be horrible. I don't know I don't really care. Anyway; he's waiting on me to go over to Wilson's apartment."
"But I thought I was going over to Wilson's apartment with him?" asked Olivia. "Doesn't he want me to go with him?"
"He assumed you didn't. I mean you didn't right?"
"Of course I wanna go, he's my partner," answered Olivia as if the answer was obvious.
""You still wanna go with him?" asked Fin in disbelief. Olivia turned to him and a look of confusion overtook his features.
"Why wouldn't I? He's my partner."
"He hates me."
"He's still my partner and I want him to be my best friend again someday."
"Who hates me and is a jealous head case."
"Fin, please don't do this," Olivia whispered just loud enough so only Fin could hear her. "I miss being friends with him."
Fin bit his tongue rather sharply to hold back the eye roll and instead he just nodded. "Fine. If it means this much to you I'll do whatever you want."
"It does and thank you."
Olivia hugged him and softly kissed him on the lips that he returned too soft for her liking. She pulled away and gave him a smile that almost melted his heart before she left the file room with both detectives looking after them.
"God I hate him," muttered Fin as he and his partner watched Olivia walk over to Elliot with a timid smile on her lips. "I swear to god if he hurts her…"
"He's not gonna hurt her," said Munch with a roll of his eyes. "He hates you and wants to get back together with Olivia and from the look of how much she wants to be friends again I'd say she wants the same thing."
"That's comforting," said Fin dryly.
"Really? Huh. It was meant to make you uncomfortable and slightly annoyed. I must be losing my touch."
With a careless shrug Munch walked away from the file room and his glowering partner who turned his attention back to Elliot and Olivia who was getting their coats on. Elliot turned towards him and smirked at the expression on Fin's face before he and Olivia, who was completely oblivious to the look Elliot had given him, and walked out of the precinct side by side…
Please Review. I PROMISE FO smut and fluff coming up soon for all you FOers out there, just hold tight and review :-)