After the debacle of the trial, Jane dragged her feet in getting home. She needed time to get her ideas together. The case had gotten to her far more than she had thought it would. For the first time in her career, she was forced to reflect on her actions, all of the times she had used lethal force. One question in particular forced itself to the center of her consciousness: What makes me any different from a murderer?
Sighing, Jane parked the car in its customary spot. As she trudged out to make her way to her home, she hardly noticed the tall red haired man wearing an all-black uniform coming from across the street.
"Jane?" the man yelled, running across the street. "Jane, wait up!"
Jane lifted her head tiredly, turning toward the sound of the man's voice. Who could that be?
The man reached her with long strides, his tuft of red hair bouncing boyishly with each step. She recognized him but, in her mood, she was unable to place a name to the face.
"It's me. Elias. How have you been? You look as good as ever."
Ahh…Elias Macfarlane. Him again. Whether he was aware of it or not, Elias had opened the door for her to admit her feelings to Maura over a year ago. He had also nearly caused them to break up just a couple of months ago. Jane had since moved on and forgave Maura for her minor indiscretions with him, yet she still was on edge whenever she was around him. There was just too much history between them to forgive and forget. Knowing that Maura was still friends with him Jane tolerated his presence, nothing more.
"Can I help you, Elias?" Jane asked curtly, looking at her watch.
Elias beamed, undeterred by her tone. "No, I just wanted to say hi. I'm just finishing up some of my last deliveries for the day. I don't normally deliver this late but people in Beacon Hill really enjoy their flowers."
Jane perked up at the last part of his sentence. Flowers…Elias is a florist…oh god, no.
"Hey, um, Elias?"
"Yep," he said disinterestedly, already beginning to head back to his brightly decorated delivery van.
"Did you get an order from an Eric Weiss about some flowers being delivered to me and Maura's house?"
With a frown, Elias took out his order log and flipped through the pages. He nodded before placing the small book back in his pocket.
"He's a regular customer. I didn't personally deliver that particular order though. One of my other drivers did. I got an order to deliver a vase of roses to his girlfriend in Cambridge. Traffic coming back was brutal. Why do you ask?"
Jane smiled in relief. The last thing she wanted was Elias potentially pestering Maura with his inane problems while Clementine was sick.
"No reason. I've got to go. I'll see you around." Hopefully never, Jane thought.
With a quick handshake, Elias left and Jane turned back to the door of her home. A quick turn of the keys opened the door.
Jane looked around the familiar space in confusion, expecting to see someone – hell, even Bass or Jo Friday – come and welcome her back home. Where is everyone? She looked at her watch, despite already knowing that it was around seven. Maura sometimes took Clementine out for a jog to the park but she was sick, there was no need for her to go. Did something…happen? Her heart raced as all of the potential evil scenarios ran through her head. Choking, accidental strangulation, spontaneous combustion, eye falling out, death…
Suddenly, a whispered melody called out to Jane from Maura's room. She immediately recognized Maura's off-key singing voice and the responding giggles of happiness from Clementine but it took her a little longer to notice the unfamiliar lullaby.
"Oh my darling, oh my darling,
Oh my darling, Clementine.
You were lost and gone forever
Dreadfully sorry, Clementine."
Maura sung the verse with a slow, methodical rhythm, each of Clementine's happy giggles becoming more sporadic as sleep started to take the baby captive. Even Jane was finding it increasingly difficult to keep her eyes open. Somehow her girlfriend's melodic yet off-key voice had smoothed away all of the tensions of the day and Jane wondered why she had decided to take her time getting home. This was where her heart belonged. Regardless of what happened throughout the day, Jane could always count on Maura to be waiting with a comforting smile and her quirky humor.
Taking off her boots and jacket and throwing them in their bedroom, Jane quietly entered the bathroom to see her two favorite girls, Maura and Clementine, in the bath, enjoying each other's company. The comforting heat of the sudsy bath water, Maura's lullaby, and the smell of lavender had all proven too much for little Clementine who was completely zonked out while the blonde continued to wash the baby off with soft strokes so as not to wake her.
"You want some help with that?" Jane asked in a whisper, bending down to kiss Maura's forehead.
"And get water all over the floor? I think not," Maura whispered back, smiling brightly at Jane's arrival.
"Remember the last time I helped you in the bath? That was fun."
"Yeah, it was real fun…until I had to get out the industrial sized mop." She rolled her eyes at the memory. "That was not fun."
They both laughed quietly before silence fell over the small space. Maura looked over at Jane's wearied expression with soul-searching hazel eyes. No words were needed as their hearts spoke out to each other.
Simultaneously, as they continued to talk in the way only lovers can, their eyes moved toward Clementine, peacefully snoozing against Maura's breast.
"She's doing much better," Maura said, answering Jane's unsaid question. "Angela came by with lunch around two so she was a little excited. After she left, I put her down for a nap and when she woke up her temperature had lowered."
Jane sighed in relief. "Thank god."
"She's been missing you," Maura added matter-of-factly.
"Finally, someone who appreciates me in this family," Jane said wryly, avoiding the splash of soapy water playfully flung in her direction.
"Stop it or I'll start singing again."
"What will you sing?"
"Michael Bublé," Maura beamed.
Jane made a comical face of disgust. "Eugh…I think I'll stop. God knows I don't want to listen to you mutilate 'Quando, Quando, Quando' again."
With a roll of her eyes, Maura grabbed a towel from behind her and bundled Clementine up, handing her off to Jane, who happily took the clean baby in her arms. Besides a slight fluttering of her eyes, Clementine continued to sleep against Jane.
"So…tell me what happened." Maura, now free of the baby, relaxed in the remaining lavender suds of the warm water. "Nothing too eventful, I hope."
Jane chuckled bitterly. "If only."
She proceeded to tell Maura everything that went on during the trial.
"Oh…sweetheart," Maura began after Jane had finished her recounting of events. "I'm sorry you had to deal with that without me. And I can't believe that Lawrence guy would even bring up our relationship. That's just…below the sash."
"Belt."
"What about belts?"
"Maura…honey, it's 'below the belt' not 'below the sash.'"
A wayward dollop of suds dropped into Maura's eyes as she tilted her head in confusion. How can one woman be so adorable, Jane asked herself, feeling a surge of love for the goofy blonde.
"But why can't it be sash? Both are worn around the waist. A sash is far more gender neutral than a belt."
"I don't know," Jane said exasperatedly. "Maybe we should call the authors of The Oxford Idiom Dictionary and let them know your concerns?"
"Sorry, sweetheart. I can't help it."
Jane shrugged. "It's okay. I just can't stand feeling this out of control. I don't understand why this Lawrence guy feels the need to bring up my relationship with you or Eric. That's not his business nor does he have the right to just air it out to everyone."
"He's trying to prove that you're inadequate. He apparently feels that attacking you personally is the best way to achieve that goal. But at least the judge called him out on it."
Maura stood up from the bath to towel herself off while Jane started to dress the now dry baby with all of its accoutrements. Clementine, awakened by all of the activity, released a loud squeal of excitement, overjoyed at seeing her two mothers together.
"Mama Jane! Mama Maura! Ahhbabbiloo," Clementine burbled, tugging at Jane's long hair.
"Ahhbabbiloo to you too, Clementine. I missed you so much. You had me worried." Jane smiled, finishing up with Clementine and taking her up in her arms. "I just don't understand why he's so adamant on proving that I'm inadequate. What's his endgame? To get me fired?"
Maura looked over at Jane with a raised eyebrow. "Jane, what are we talking about? And remember to use baby-talk with Clementine. It increases her social bonding and cognitive development. High cognitive skills lead to a reciprocal relationship with language capabilities which Clementine has already proven to be quite good at."
"The case, Maura. We're talking about my lawsuit."
"Ohh…well, don't worry about it," Maura said dismissively, walking out to their bedroom with a towel around her head. "You're not inadequate. Eric will show the court that tomorrow. As annoying as it is to have our relationship brought up in court, it doesn't matter. I know you and you know me. Let everyone else gossip. Oh, you've got feeding duty tonight. What do you think about doing something with avocado and tofu tonight? She enjoyed it last week."
With a raised eyebrow, Jane followed her girlfriend. Clementine started to play on the floor of the bedroom, entertaining herself with her reflection in the full length mirror, before Jane sat down on the bed, watching Maura dress.
"Is that all you have to say?" Jane asked exasperatedly.
Maura looked over at Jane, head tilted in confusion. "Yes. Unless…are you unsure of your innocence, Jane?"
"No…I don't know…it's just…what if he's right?" she stammered.
"Right about what? You being inadequate at your job or using your relationships as an advantage in closing cases?"
Jane nodded, keeping her eyes on Clementine who was trying to catch her toes. Despite a much determined effort on Clementine's part, the toes were winning the fight. Instead of getting frustrated like most children would, the baby giggled happily, seemingly undeterred.
How does she manage to be so cute all the time?
"Jane, don't let him get in your head." Maura sat next to her on the bed. "You made the decision that you thought was best at the time based off of your experience."
Without having to be asked, Jane started to braid Maura's damp hair with experienced fingers. Even before they had realized their feelings for each other, they had always enjoyed doing this simple act together. She would never admit it but she got a secret thrill out of feeling her hands running through Maura's honey blonde, shoulder length locks.
Relaxation flowed into Jane's tired frame, opening her up to discuss her feelings more readily than she would otherwise.
"And that doesn't make me a bad person?"
"Being bad or good is just based off of perspective."
"Thanks a lot for that advice, Ghandi," Jane pouted.
Maura rolled her eyes. "Fine, be rude. You want someone to join your pity party then go take Jo for a walk. I'm not going to participate."
"Ouch…that was kind of harsh."
"Because I love you, Jane," Maura smiled, standing up. "And the Jane Rizzoli I know would never doubt herself or her actions."
With a brief caress, Maura left Jane and Clementine to prepare dinner. The baby started to crawl after her before turning back, looking for Jane to follow.
"Mama…Jane," she babbled happily.
Jane sighed. "You think I'm being an idiot too, don't you?"
Clementine nodded happily, her hands attempting to lift her small body up to stand. As she reached her full height, her legs began to wobble and she dropped back down to the plush carpet. Despite the fall, Clementine started laughing as if falling down was an amusement.
Well, that's great. I just got told out by an eight-month-old baby.