Author's note: This was one of the chapters that I'm just not happy with but at some point, you just have to let it go.
Happy Valentine's Day.
"I will. I should go check on Ianto, make sure he's keeping out of trouble" he said with a wink.
From the distance they heard "I heard that Jack". Jack flashed her a smile and went off to find Ianto.
As she went back to work she could hear Jack and Ianto making jabs at each other as Jack tried to get Ianto out of working. She shook her head in amusement listening to them make plans for 'weevil hunting' for later that night.
Ianto stopped outside Zafia's room while he worked the knot out of his tie, "alright?" he asked. She seemed to be lost in thought staring at her bare feet.
"What?" She looked up at him not having really heard him. Ianto leaned on her doorway pulling off his shoes and socks tossing them towards his bedroom at the end of the hall.
"You seemed lost for a second there".
"I was just thinking about home". He came in and sat beside her, "wondering what they are doing, if they are happy, if they care what happened to me; but I don't think they do" she added quietly. Ianto could feel the pain in her heart making his own ache. He put an arm around her shoulders pulling her into a half hug.
"You shouldn't waste your thoughts on them. There are too many other good things in this world and yours to think of".
"I know" she said with a heavy sigh turning her face into his neck inhaling the smell of him. He smelled so exotic from the men on Zy'oe. "It's hard to let go though".
"I know" despite everything with Lisa, it had still been hard to let her go, even when he accepted she hadn't been herself and had used him. He felt Zafia rub her forehead against his jaw, her hair tickling his cheek. "What are you doing" he almost giggled.
Zafia sat up, she almost looked embarrassed but she laid her hand on his cheek running her hand over the day's stubble. "It's scratchy" she sounded amazed and before he could catch it a laugh escaped from him.
"I'm sorry" he said shyly rubbing his own hand over his cheek, "yeah; I'll shave before I go back to work".
"Why?"
"So I don't look scruffy".
"Scruffy…" she repeated the word and smoothed the back of her hand over his cheek again. "I like it, this scruffy scratchy".
"Men don't have beards on Zy'oe" he guessed.
"Beard?"
"Facial hair".
"No" she shook her head and leaned over rubbing the tip of her nose on him. He tried not to move as this was clearly entertaining for her and she seemed oblivious to how awkward he felt. Zafia pressed her cheek to his so he could feel the flutter of her eyelashes and her soft breath. Everything in him told him he needed to let go and walk away. He dropped his arm, but it seemed to settle itself around her waist. He tried to pull away but instead found himself pressing his lips to hers and to his surprise, she responded kissing him back.
Ianto pulled his arm tighter around her holding her closer. Zafia moved her arm around his shoulder pulling herself across his lap, clutching him as if her life depended on the kiss. For all Ianto knew, it did, at least the ache in his chest was quickly subsiding. Somewhere in the back of his mind he thought all of this was getting quickly out of hand although the rest of his body didn't agree and neither did Zafia as she was working the top buttons of his shirt open. "Stop" he finally gasped, "just…" her aqua eyes froze on his giving him a scared look, he tried to give her a reassuring look, lightly resting his hand on her cheek caressing his thumb over her delicate cheekbone. "We have all night, there's no hurry", he told her. Zafia's hands rested on his chest so she could feel his heart racing and his breathing returning to normal.
"Sorry" she said.
"Don't be".
"It's just been so long since anyone… I got excited".
Ianto didn't even try to keep a straight face, "me too" he confessed although he had no doubt she could feel his erection pressing against her.
"It's been a long time since I've been with a man" she admitted.
"How long?"
"Before Aneal. We were together for 35 Rotations", she chewed her lip not looking at him. Ianto tried not think about how long that was in Earth years, instead he pulled her into a kiss.
"She doesn't deserve you" he told her. "And, I have never been with an alien", he said as if that somehow made them even.
"Me either. What about Jack?" she asked.
"Screw Jack" Zafia's eyebrows went up. Ianto forgot that over the last few weeks Owen had been introducing her to all the slang and profanities of Earth, including all the uses for the word 'screw'. She leaned forward breathing in his ear, "promise?" she almost purred.
"Oh god" he exhaled. The brief thought of Jack and Zafia almost pushed him over the edge and he closed his eyes trying to keep it together. Zafia had returned to the buttons on his shirt and put her hand in the hair on his chest. He let go of her long enough to free his arms from his sleeves discarding the shirt and pulled Zafia's over her head. She pushed him back on the bed attacking his lips again before moving down his throat and chest. She paused when she reached his belt and he willed her to undo it and free him from his pants. When she showed no signs of moving he opened his eyes looking down at her. She was giving his navel a perplexed look and the phrase 'navel gazing' crossed his mind. He pushed himself up on his elbows, "why are you staring at my navel?" She gently ran her hand over his stomach before poking her finger in it. "It's a navel or a belly button" he told her.
"What does it do?"
Ianto frowned "nothing".
"Is it like this?" she said sitting up and tapped at the line above her hip. The same line he'd poked at her first day on Earth and made a complete arse out of himself in the process. Jack had explained later that the 'line' was an aluran and the end of the birth canal. All Zy'oeans had one he told them and they wouldn't open until delivery, after birth it would heal over.
"No. All humans have one. Before we're born it's how we get food and air from our mothers. It's like a scar".
"A scar from being born?"
"Yes. Useful for 9 months, but now it's just there". It seemed a light had gone off as Zafia understood. She turned her back to him pulling her hair off her neck, just at the base of her skull in her hair line was a half inch line, "we have them too" she said turning back to him. "Maybe we aren't so different" she said.
He intentionally brushed his thigh against her, "why don't you take off those pants and I will let you know" he said. As if taunting him he got up and slowly removed them. He had to give credit to Gwen and Tosh; they had done a nice job helping her pick out lingerie. The scar from being stabbed was almost gone and he admired the way her color wrapped around her.
He undid his belt and pants and pushed them down as he sat up then reached out for Zafia pulling her closer until she stood between his knees. As interested in his belly button has Zafia had been, he found it odd there wasn't one on her flat stomach. He took his time exploring it with his lips, kissing everything within reach before unclasping her bra and discarding in the direction he'd thrown their shirts. He stood up gathering her in his arms and kissed her as he turned her around gently laying her back on the bed and stretched out beside her as he continued to kiss her. "Are you sure about this?" he asked. She nodded, running her hand over his back.
"Yes" it was barely a whisper, "I want this, I want you". With her free hand she traced it down his chest and stomach and into his boxers. He gasped as she gently touched him, it was so different from the way Jack did, it was almost as if she was unsure how to. In a way it was like being a virgin all over again. "Yes" she repeated, "I want this" she withdrew her hand and wriggled out of her underwear. Ianto paused to admire her form, and was a little relieved to see she didn't appear to be too different from Earth women. "Do you?" she asked, mistaking his pause for reluctance.
He brought his eyes back to hers, "yes". He pushed his boxers off and reached over her into the nightstand and pulled out a condom. "What is that?" she asked eyeing the foil packet suspiciously.
"A condom" when her expression didn't change, he offered "it prevents you from getting pregnant".
"I can't, it's not time".
"It also prevents diseases".
"You have diseases?" she pushed his back just a little, the cross look on her face was almost enough to ruin the mood.
"Well I don't. Some people do and they can pass it on to their partner".
"Your planet is strange. Will it hurt?"
"No. You won't even notice it so stop worrying" he said kissing her while moving his hand down her body and between her legs which she eagerly welcomed with a soft moan. He let his fingers explore, enjoying the little noises that she made until she took his hand away and gripped his hip pulling him to her. "Wait, I –" he still held the condom in one hand and braced himself with the other, but she grabbed it and threw it out of reach. She said something in Zy'oean and pressed her body to his, regardless of the language barrier, he could tell she was begging, "please Ianto" she whispered in his ear, making him lose all resolve. He could feel her body trembling as he carefully slid in her, pausing when her fingers dug into his shoulder.
"Okay?" she nodded.
"It's just been a while" she said loosening the grip on his shoulder and he felt her relax under him. With each move he made he could feel her melding her body to his as if she could completely envelope him within her.
For the first time since she arrived, his heart didn't ache for her. It felt like there was a humming in his chest and thought his heart might burst with happiness. He didn't understand the words she mumbled but he could guess as her breathing became erratic and her eyes rolled back as her body seemed to trap him within. The heat and tightness of her made him lose what little control he had been holding on to.
He could feel her hands on his face caressing and kissing him until his strength gave out and he collapsed in her arms. She wrapped them around him holding him close as she applied calming strokes over his shoulders and back. Zafia left a trail of kisses across his forehead and temple. "Are you okay?" she whispered.
Ianto slightly nodded and found the energy to move so he didn't crush her. "You are amazing" he said tenderly kissing her lips and pulled her against his chest.
Zafia snuggled her face against him "I like this" she said as she combed her fingers over his chest.
"So, no hairy chested men on Zy'oe?"
"No. No hair on our arms or legs either".
"Weird".
"It's weird that you are. Weird, but nice". They laid in silence for several minutes just enjoying the closeness.
"I hope you weren't lying when you said you couldn't get pregnant. Human alien babies… Jack would kill me". As human as she looked and felt, she was still an alien, and while he doubted Jack would have a problem with him sleeping with her, babies were a whole other complication.
"No, I'm not lying. My body knows it's shutting down, so I couldn't even if I wanted to". Ianto could have done without the reminder and hugged her. "Will you?" she asked.
"Me? No. Human men can't get pregnant".
"Why not? Are you broke?"
"No, it's just that men aren't made that way".
"But men can take other men for their mates, how do they have children?"
"They don't. Well not on their own anyway. They can adopt".
"Adopt?" she asked not fully understanding the concept.
"If someone has a child they can't take care of, or they don't want they can put it up for adoption and other people can raise it as their own".
Zafia sat up giving him a horrified look, "how are there unwanted children?"
"People not using condoms and there are other situations".
"Is it really so easy for humans?" she shook her head, "it just…" Ianto could tell she was getting upset at the idea, and it was ruining their post-coital contentment.
"Come here" he coaxed her back into his arms. "We can have a biology lesson tomorrow. Don't be upset", he said tucking the blanket around her.
"Will you stay with me tonight?"she asked quietly.
"If you'd like" he kissed her forehead, "let me go turn out the lights in the flat and I'll be right back". She half nodded and he slipped out of bed gathering up his clothes off the floor taking them with him.
Ianto returned 15 minutes later, teeth brushed and wearing a pair of pajama bottoms. Zafia had curled up on herself and pulled the blankets tight around her so he had to tug them from around her. "Are you cold?" he asked spooning behind her and wrapping an arm around her. He could feel her trembling and he knew it wasn't from the cold. "What's wrong?"he asked pulling her tighter to him. "Zafia, did I do something? Did I hurt you?" She shook her head and rolled over pressing her face against him.
"It hurts so much" she choked between sobs.
"What hurts?" he was worried he really had hurt her.
"The loneliness".
"You aren't alone. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere" he wrapped his arms tightly around her and tucked her head under his chin. "Please don't cry. You will never be alone here, I promise, as long as you need us, but please, you are making my heart hurt", he was sure if the pain got any worse he would have a heart attack. "And sobbing after sex generally gives humans a complex, so if this is normal I think I am going to leave it to you and Jack" he tried to joke. She made a coughing snort noise as she tried to pull herself together, "did you just snot on my chest? That's really not sexy", he could feel her try to giggle.
She let go of Ianto to wipe her cheek off, "I'm sorry" she said quietly. "Sometimes it's like it just comes from nowhere and I can't stop it".
"Maybe as you settle in here it will get better" he tangled his fingers in her hair.
"I'm sorry for making your heart hurt".
"Jack said yours was looking for your mates". She nodded against him.
"Only when we are together do we have a whole heart. Maybe Owen can help so others can't feel it. I've never heard of non-Zy'oeans being affected by it."
"I don't think the others can feel it, just me and Jack. Usually it doesn't hurt so much".
"I'm sorry" she apologized again, "I don't know why it's you".
"Part of the mystery of working with Torchwood".
"But thank you" she squeezed him in a sort of half hug, "for this. It helps and it's nice to feel desired".
"As Jack would say, 'the pleasure was all mine'".
"Ianto, do you love him? You told me the day I arrived it was complicated".
"Sometimes I think I do. Other times I want to punch him. But in the end it will never last". He sighed thinking of how long Jack's life would be and how many had already come before him. "I am just one of many".
"You don't think he loves you?"
"No. I think he cares. He cares about all of us. I'm just…" he hated to use Owen's term of 'part-time shag', but that's all it would ever really be. "Jack hates labels and we really don't have a proper relationship. It's complicated". It was really the only way to describe it.
"Will he mind this?"
"I don't think so… but I can't promise he won't invite himself next time". She made a sound caught between a hum and a hmm and he wasn't sure what that meant. Somehow the idea of them together crept back into his mind and he felt like a guilty horny teenager again. Then he found himself wondering how the Zy'oeans worked out their three person relationships. He took a deep breath and tried to clean his head. The pain in his chest had finally faded and it felt like he was the only one in there again. Ianto kissed the top of Zafia's head and tucked the blanket around them and dozed off to sleep.
In the morning they had an awkward, quiet breakfast and drive into the Hub. Ianto hadn't been sure what to say, and Zafia seemed to pick up his cues. She headed to the archives without waiting for him to make coffee. He'd talk to her when he went down, meanwhile it would give him a few minutes to collect his thoughts on the previous night.
Ianto sat Jack's mug on his desk and then turned to head out the door, but he stopped and turned around putting his hands on his hips studying the man who was gazing at him over the rim of his mug, and made a decision. "I slept with Zafia last night. It was amazing and I don't feel guilty about it" he announced and left without pausing. As he made his way down the stairs, he heard Jack choke on his coffee.