"Come on Star, let's go" Astrid whispered as they exited the stables.

Briefly, Astrid looked at the sky above her. That was where she needed to be right now. Amongst the stars and away from the troubles that land brought her. The sky was the only place that offered Astrid the freedom she craved so deeply. Ironically, it was in the clouds where her mind became less foggy. All she needed was to be up there and feel. Feel something, anything that wasn't negative. Feel the wind in her hair. The goosebumps given to her by the cold air. The warmth of her cloak as she wrapped it around herself to camouflage into the sky. Feel the calmness around her as she disappeared, just for a little bit.

Ah, now that was most definitely something she needed, to disappear. Just for one second. One wonderful, fleeting, beautiful moment. A moment of peace. In that moment, she didn't have to be a hunter, not if she didn't want to. This would be hers. Astrid didn't have to be anything she didn't want to be, and in turn, she could be whomever she wished to be instead.

And all she wanted was to be a person.

There were times when she just felt so dehumanized. Like, in some odd detached way, she wasn't fully human. Maybe it was just the part of her that was a hunter. The part of her that used to hurt others on a twisted warpath for approval. All that part of her had ever wanted was a simple admission of affection from Viggo or Ryker. Back then, when that side of her controlled her, she was very unfeeling. Dragons were just creatures, put on earth for people to kill. She would injure whatever dragon she could to get a raise in respect from the others. Guilt was just amongst her sea ofof surpressed feelings. It's not like the dragons mattered, they were just beats to her after all. Oh how wrong she was.

The old Astrid brought chills to her spine. That Astrid was vicious, cruel even. It was a version of herself that she wasn't proud of. Her entire life she had been taught that it was every person for themselves. It was a lesson that had taken years for her to unlearn. Now she left that concept behind, and she tried to understand the idea of teamwork. It was a dark fraction of Astrid. She hated thinking that she used to be that person, it worried her to think that she still had the potential to be that person. But no, hunter Astrid was behind her. She would never be that person again.

Though not everyone seemed to believe that.

Her feelings about the whole situation were a lot stronger when it came to Hiccup. She couldn't quite put her finger on why, but when she discovered that he was spying on her, it hurt her in a way that it probably didn't need to. The sting was sharp enough to kill. Hours later, she still remembered the sinking feeling in her stomach as she discovered the truth. The heaviness in her heart was still there, lessened thanks to Camicazi, but still too obvious to ignore. At this point, she should have been used to it. After all, that was feeling was there constantly with the hunters. Yet, this was different, it was worse. It might have been because of the personal side of things. With Viggo and Ryker, she wasn't close with them, no matter how much she wished she would be. With Hiccup, she felt accepted, and she hadn't felt that way in a long time. Over the weeks they'd become close. She even thought that he might...

But, no. He didn't. He couldn't. Maybe it was for the best. It would just mess things up anyway. Except she still kind of (really) wanted him to.

Ugh, this whole thing was messed up.

Escape was within her reach.

"Astrid?"

'Great, just the person I want to see right now' she thought to herself sarcastically.

"Hey Hiccup" her lips pressed into a thin line

"W-what are you doing?" he asked with a hint of worry in his voice.

"Relax, I'm not leaving" she reassured sensing his concern, though her tone was less than friendly "Not yet anyway. I just... I need to get away for a little bit. Clear my head and stuff"

"Not yet?"

She bit her lip "I don't know what to say Hiccup. It's not that I'm definitely leaving... But I can't say I'm staying either"

Hiccup was about to say something when he noticed Starlight growling at him softly, glare firmly fixated on her features.

"She's not your biggest fan right now" Astrid told him.

"I figured as much, though I can't say that's uncalled for" he chuckled nervously

She noticed Toothless looking at her sadly and beckoned him over "C'mere Toothless"

Toothless went over slowly and she gave him a warm smile. She guided him over to the light fury "You two are absolutely fine"

Her words proved to be true as the light fury's face instantly neutralized as Toothless came closer. In less than a second Toothless was giving a gummy grin and playing with Starlight.

"So... Late night flight, huh?" Hiccup asked awkwardly.

"After today, I certainly need one" she raised a hand to her forehead tiredly "I have a lot to think about"

"L-like?" he stuttered, anxious because he already knew her answered.

"What to do with Starlight. If it were just me I know what I'd do but..." she looked over at the pair of furies "I don't want to take her away from here"

"She's settled in much better than we thought she would"

"I think Toothless is a big part of that" she admitted "And it helps that I'm here too, because she's already used to me, probably makes things easier for her"

"She seems to be getting along with the other dragons"

"Yeah. She really likes it here" Astrid sighed grimly "That's part of the problem"

"You could always stay, the both of you" he suggested sheepishly.

She turned her head sharply to glare at him. He shrunk back "J-just throwing it out there"

"There are a lot of things I could do, but right now, it feels like there are too many options to choose from"

"What if Toothless and I j-joined you?" he suggested nervously "Help you sort out your thoughts a little bit?"

"I'm not meeting with anyone, Hiccup. You don't need to follow me" the negative memory made her tone sharper than she meant it to be

"N-no I know that. I j-just thought i-it might be nice, t-that it might give us a chance to t-talk"

"I'm not sure we have a lot to talk about" Astrid stated flatly.

"Well then I... I g-guess I have a l-lot to say"

She hesitated "I don't know Hiccup..."

"Come on, please?" he pleaded "Look, I know what I did was wrong. Trust me, I've been beating myself up about it since we got back. But I was really hoping we could at least talk about it"

Astrid still wasn't sure so Hiccup persisted.

"It will also give Toothless and Starlight more of a chance to play together. If you do leave, which I hope to the gods that you don't, at least it gives them more time to be together"

Oh, damn him. He actually made a good point.

"Okay I guess, you and Toothless can join"

"Great!" he cheered.

"Don't flatter yourself" she said, once again, tone sharper than she intended "I'm doing it for Starlight and Toothless. Not you''

He shrunk slightly "R-right"

She couldn't help but feel guilty when she saw his face. It's not like she wanted to be this way with him. She missed their playful, jokey conversations, but now she didn't know how to be anything else. In the back of her head, something was just screaming at her to keep her shields up now. And that really sucked for both of them because Hiccup didn't like being treated that way and Astrid didn't like treating him that way. But it couldn't be helped, he'd made his mistake, he had to face the consequences.

And soon enough they were in the clouds, and Astrid felt free. Something about being in the sky just felt right. Right in a way she couldn't quite describe, not even if she tried. It was nice to feel like the only person in the world, even if it was just for a moment. Then she looked at Hiccup, and she was dragged back down to earth. Her problems anchored her to the ground, no matter how high she went. Astrid had never really realized that until Hiccup was with her. Problems don't just stay on the ground. Astrid carried her problem in her heart, her head and, rather unfortunately for her, in the form of a lanky auburn teenager and his dragon. Problems are harder to deal with issues when people are around.

There was a dull ache in her chest as she contemplated the idea of being alone.

xxxx

Toothless and Starlight played in the background, lost in their own little world. Astrid and Hiccup sat together in a deafening silence. Everything was being thought, yet nothing was said. Astrid hated everything being so silent.

"Can I just start this off by saying that I'm really sorry?" Hiccup broke the silent after, what felt like, an eternity.

She nodded silently, face passive "You can"

"Well I am really sorry" he repeated, because he knew that his words hadn't settled with her yet "Spying on you was wrong, and I had no right to do that. But I wasn't spying on you because of the reasons you think. I was just doing it-"

"Because you knew that I wasn't meeting with any hunters, because you believed in me right from the start. Cami nagged you until you agreed to go with her. I know, Hiccup" Upon seeing his confused face, she explained "Camicazi came into the stables earlier. She apologized and explained everything"

Hiccup couldn't help but notice how her tone was still clipped "But you're still upset?" It was more of a statement than a question, but he still needed an answer.

"I am" the young warrior confirmed gravely "I said it to Cami and I'll say it to you, I don't care for the reasoning of it, your action was wrong. You're right, you shouldn't have spied on me. There were better ways to deal with that situation, and I think you know that"

He let out a sigh "Yeah, I do know that. I just, I got a bit flustered, I guess. I wasn't thinking when I agreed to do that"

"The thing is, I left the hunters for a lot of reasons, one being that I hated what they did. But it wasn't just that. They didn't trust me, with good reason to be fair" she paused as they both let out small laughs "But they were always trying to spy on me and watch my every move. I was forced to sneak around them all the time. There was a big loss of freedom. It was a part of why I left. I've never experienced freedom before, I don't know what it feels like. I thought I was getting some freedom here... Until today"

Hiccup bit his lip, faults becoming all too clear to him. Of course he knew that he'd hurt Astrid, but it hadn't occured to him just how deep it ran. In all the time she'd been with them, it hadn't fully hit him how her time with the hunters would affect her now. She hid her pain so well. Of course he wasn't stupid, it wasn't like he thought it didn't affect her at all. But he had never realized how much.

For the first time since they arrived, she actually looked at him "I need freedom. If I leave one place where I'm being followed around to go to another place where I'm being followed around, it kind of seems pointless. I mean, it's still better treatment, and it's definitely a better cause, but there's still something I don't get to gain, ya know?"

All Hiccup could do was nod, his words somehow felt like they would be too much and not enough all at the same time.

"I-I know I shouldn't be, but I'm more upset with you than I am with Camicazi. And that's wrong, and I know that, but I just can't help it" she confessed to him in a rush "I thought we were friends Hiccup. I thought you knew me better than that. To find out that you really thought I would go that low it... It hurt. And even though I know your real reason now, I can't ignore it" she cringed at how vague she sounded, but there was no other way to put it.

Gently, he reached to take her hand in his own. He paused to gauge her reaction, and when she made no move to push him away, he spoke "We are friends, I promise you, we are. You're right, I could've handled the situation better. Instead of letting Camicazi convince me to spy on you, I should've stopped her from doing it in the first place. Trust me, if I could go back in time and change it I would. But I can't. I can only be sorry and hope that you forgive me. I don't care that you used to be a hunter, you're not that person anymore, that's what's important. I'm sorry for making you feel unaccepted"

Casually, hand still in his grasp, she leant back and blew some stray hair out of her face "Okay"

"Okay? Does that mean that I'm forgiven?"

"It means that you're getting there" she explained softly "It'll still take a couple of days to fully go back to normal, but it's a start"

"Oh thank god!" he exclaimed with relief "You have no idea how awful I felt!"

"I may have been a little harsh with you two" Astrid admitted "It hasn't been all that long since I arrived, maybe it wasn't fair to expect you to fully trust me already"

"It's not like you were overreacting though" he reasoned "We shouldn't have done that and-"

"It's over now'' the young warrior said with finality in her tone "Let's... leave it in the past"

He nodded "It's in the past"

Almost instinctively, she rested her head on his shoulder. It happened before she could really think about it, but even even when she had, she didn't want to stop it. The tranquillity was almost too good. Astrid couldn't remember when she'd last felt at peace, or even if she ever had before. The stars twinkled in the midnight sky all surrounding the beautiful moon. It was very near picturesque. Them, their dragons and the boundless skies. Soon, a tingling feeling shot through her, and it hit.

They were still holding hands.

Clearly Hiccup had already had the same thought. She looked at their hands and when she looked back up he was already staring back at her. His eyes were fixed intently on her. Maybe she was imagining it, but she could have sworn he was moving closer. She was captivated by his eyes when...

"Woah!"

"Ah!"

...They were knocked over by their dragons.

Both of them couldn't help but chuckle. Astrid got up and extended her hand for him. This time she was quicker in letting go of his hand, not allowing herself to feel those same sparks again. There were too many complications. Yet, she wasn't able to shake the giddy feeling entrapping her entire being.

Were they about to...?

No.

But...?

Nope.

"Trust the dragons to ruin a nice moments''

"To be fair, we've probably ruined some nice moments for them too"

"When?"

"Their first meeting?" she suggested with a light giggle "Kinda cut that short"

"Oh yeah, I remember that" Hiccup said thinking back "Wait, you weren't there when they first met"

"Well..."

"You were?"

"Behind one of trees" she told him, trying not laugh at his surprised expression.

"How did I not notice that?"

"I'm very good at hiding" she winked jokingly.

"Clearly" the leader laughed.

"Hey, I managed to hide myself from you for months, and my love of dragons for years"

"You are extremely stealthy. You could probably teach that to us. The rest of the gang and I could use some lessons"

"But some more than others?" she asked rhetorically with a pointed look.

"Maybe..." he scratched the back of his neck awkwardly "Oh, who am I kidding? Yes, definitely yes''

Astrid started laughing before the cold air pricked at her skin. She rubbed her arms "Come on, it's getting late, we should head back"

"Oh my god" he whispered

She turned back to him, confused at his tone.

"What is it?"

Wordlessly, he gestured to her arm and she noticed some of bruises becoming uncovered

'Dang it, paint was still fresh'

"Astrid when- I mean I-I know when- Why- How-" He stuttered out.

She sighed to herself, the secret was out, no point in hiding it now. He already knew to some extent, this only confirmed. He probably would have seen eventually. Besides it was only the bruises, he didn't need to see the scars yet, he hadn't quite earned that yet.

Tentatively, she walked towards a small stream. Astrid leant down and cupped some water in her hands. She rubbed it on her arm until the paint wore off. Greyish yellowy patches began to reveal themselves.

"Astrid..." She heard his voice, laced with sadness, call out softly from behind her.

"Hiccup, don't" her own voice was tight, acting as a sort of guard for her "Please, don't"

"Don't... What?" he asked, confused.

"I don't need your pity. Or your sympathy. There's no need for it, I just..." She trailed off, trying to find the right wording "I guess I wanted to cover up my past" It got even quieter as she added "Our pasts shouldn't define us, but sometimes I fear that's all it does"

"But we already knew about-"

"Knowing is different from seeing" Astrid countered "Seeing it makes everything so much more real"

He could see what she was saying. Though he had known about her previous, somehow seeing the evidence made it worse. It made the truth unavoidable. He couldn't imagine anything happening to Astrid, he just couldn't. The mere concept drove him crazy.

"Stop looking at me like that!" She snapped suddenly.

"L-looking at you like w-what?" he asked slightly perplexed at how the mood had changed so quickly.

"Like I'm some sort of victim! Like some helpless scared girl who needs saving! As if you... As if you feel sorry for me" she all but spat out, turning away from him

Not missing a beat, Hiccup went in front of her and gripped her arms, being mindful of her bruises "Astrid, listen to me. I don't feel sorry for you. I feel sorry that it happened to you because I know that you didn't deserve any of it. You went through so much with those hunters" the word was venomous on his lips, anger rushing through him as he thought about what they did to her "You're right, our pasts do define us, but that doesn't have to be a bad thing. You've come out of your past so strong. I admire you Astrid, I really do. You're so brave to even find the courage to try to escape. I don't think you see how amazing you are. Every bruise and every injury they've caused you are victories. They're reminders of how you fought against them and won. You aren't some scared victim Astrid, but a survivor"

The blonde girl simply stared at him awe-struck. He had said everything she wanted, maybe needed, to hear. It was perfect. Butterflies swarmed in her stomach.

"Thank you Hiccup" she said gratefully "I admire you too, a lot"

He smiled gently and wrapped his arms her, she automatically backed away "W-what are you doing?"

Hiccup shot her a confused look "Hugging you?"

"Hugging me?" it took a few moments for it to click with her "Oh. Hugging me..." And then she looked down slightly embarrassed "I've only ever been hugged by Heather"

His heart broke for her.

When she looked up, he was staring straight back at her. His arms were still held out and he approached her a little more cautiously. He gave her a questioning gaze, and she knew exactly what he was asking. She nodded a little.

He wrapped his arms around her waist, sparks exploded inside of her "Is this okay?"

After a moment, she wrapped her own arms around his neck, pulling him closer "Yes"

xxxx

"I'm glad you came tonight" Astrid told Hiccup as they walked to the stables.

"Me too" he agreed "I'm glad we got this whole thing sorted out, I don't know how I would've slept"

"What did we say?"

"It's in the past. Thank Thor"

"Oh relax" she said casually "My plan was to talk to you about this all in the morning, so we would've been fine one way or the other''

"Still, I prefer sooner than later"

"Fair enough"

Silence fell upon them for a few moments, then Hiccup broke it with a question that had been gnawing at him.

"Are you still leaving?"

She bit her lip hesitantly, not a promising sign "Honestly?"

"The way you say it, I almost want to say no"

"I still don't know" Astrid informed him "I won't leave right now. Starlight and Toothless are getting along so well, I can't take her away, it wouldn't be fair to her. And I know that she still needs me. This whole thing is a big transition for her too and I need to be there for her. Maybe when she's ready, I'll leave and she can stay-"

"I thought I already explained to you why that was a bad idea" Hiccup cut in frowning.

"I know, but who knows what things will be like in a few months? Or even in a few week?"

"Months" Hiccup said automatically "Definitely months"

"All I'm saying is that we have to wait and see" she giggled at his eager manner "But it's still at least another three weeks or so"

"I'll take what I can get"

Suddenly they were at the stable doors and Astrid couldn't help but wonder how the time slipped away from them "This is me"

"So it is" he almost sounded dismayed, almost "Listen Astrid, about earlier..."

Her heart leapt into her throat. What about earlier? The hand holding? The (maybe) almost kiss?

"With the whole..." he nodded at her arm "You know"

Oh.

"I'm sorry if that got too personal or anything but-"

"It didn't get too personal, don't worry" she reassured him "I'm glad I told you, I feel closer to you now"

He smiled and stepped forward "I feel closer to you too"

When he stood there in the moonlight, flashing his crooked grin, Astrid felt like her heart would burst. Her feelings were getting harder to ignore. Of course she knew she could never act on these emotions. There were no positive outcomes it. Plus, it would feel like a betrayal to Camicazi. Hiccup would fall for her eventually, she just knew it. They made a lot more sense than she and Hiccup ever would. Still, when he stood there she couldn't help it. Without fully thinking, she brushed her hair out of her eyes and punched his shoulder.

"That's for spying on me today"

"What?! I thought we said that was in the past-"

She grabbed his armor and yanked him towards her, kissing his cheek.

"That's for... Everything else"

And with that, she and Starlight went to their pen. As she left, she could've sworn she heard Hiccup's nasally voice say "W-what are you looking at?"

Hopefully all the Hiccstrid in this chapter makes the wait worth it! Sorry about that by the way! Exams have been CRAZY!

But they finish today! So yay!

Quote from next chapter: "This whole thing is so confusing"

Shohini :)