Part X.
Georgiana was waiting outside to greet them when the carriage and horses arrived at Pemberley. With a smile that lit up her face, she watched her brother dismount and turn instantly to help Miss Elizabeth down from the carriage. The two stayed close for awhile, as he forgot there were others there and lost himself in the privilege of earning a smile from her.
Elizabeth was flattered that he stayed by her the minute she had drawn level with him, for it showed her that his action had not been just common courtesy. She would remember forever the expression in his eyes when she had thanked him for the gesture.
"No, Miss Elizabeth, thank you," he had returned, and with a such an intensity in his eyes, that she felt herself to be drowning in them. Quickly she looked to the floor, almost wishing he was gone, but when she had recovered her composure he was still there, waiting for her.
"I...er..." Stumbling in his words, Darcy paused to take a deep breath, hoping to calm them. It was enough. "Is there any particular room with which you would like to start?"
Elizabeth found herself reddening once more as her thoughts for brief minute contemplated the possible reaction to a certain answer which she could make to him. Quickly however, she realised the impropriety of it- not to mention the presumptuousness -and composed a more sensible response, while mentally telling her mind to rid itself of such scandalous thoughts.
If this is what my impulses think of him, she thought to herself, why do I still hesitate in admitting this to my mind as whole? Shying away from this silent question she finally replied to him. "I do not believe we were shown the Library, if that is..."
"Of course, Miss Elizabeth, I should be happy to start with that." Still standing next to her, Mr Darcy turned to her Aunt and Uncle and acquired their acceptance. He then looked about for his friend and Miss Bennet, only to find the two together, some distance away. "Bingley," Darcy called out, "do you intend to join us?"
Mr Bingley turned embarrassed. "I'm afraid I did not hear... that is..."
Darcy chuckled, as the two came back to the rest of the party. His friend looked at him in mock annoyance. "Really, Darce, you are hardly innocent of the same inattention!"
Now it was Darcy's turn to look embarrassed, causing the Gardiners to smile at each other, foreseeing the future they hoped for. Miss Darcy smiled even more and then her wish to be confident kicked in, causing her to save her brother. "I believe, Mr Bingley, that my brother was going to ask if Miss Bennet would like to see the Library, which was missed during yesterday's tour."
Darcy smiled at his sister in praise, and offered his arm to both her and Miss Elizabeth. At first the latter hesitated in her acceptance, not wanting to further the gentleman's wishes by the gesture. Emotion however won over and she submitted to the motion.
Darcy saw the hesitancy and was dismayed at first that he had been unable to gain her approval. Were all my hopes in vain, he began to ask himself, whereupon he saw, no rather felt, Elizabeth's acceptance as his arm adjusted to her light pressure. He rejoiced behind his calm face, revelling in all the pleasure that the occasion afforded. To be this near his love, to feel her breath when she turned to speak to him, to feel her arm touching his, covered by clothing as it was, was something he had never dreamed probable until now.
As for Elizabeth, she was also aware of feelings accompanying her acceptance, and these feelings were in no way negative. However she had also recognised some cautiousness that needed to be adhered to. His attentiveness to her so far had been everything that was favourable, but apart from a few comments, Elizabeth realised that she could not really take them in any other way but than the normal accepted attentions of a considerate host.
Even his last word to her in expressive tones, could have been misconstrued by her due to the conflict of her mind and emotions. What a great time for my mind to finally become objective, she silently thought, realising that she wanted his attentions for the first time.
Silently behind this couple meanwhile Mr Bingley and Miss Jane were still walking together. Both were also concerned in their thoughts, as, like the couple before them, they were engaged in the process of fighting self doubt. Mr Bingley, assured as he had been the night before by Miss Jane's attention to him that she could still care for him, now wondered if perhaps he was being far too hopeful in his mind.
After all, he had left her alone and wondering for well over eight months what had happened to him. True he was insensible of where she was at the time and deceived by his sisters, but that was beside the point. What was the point was that he was quite unworthy of Miss Jane's continuing regard, indeed of any regard, for if he had cared for her as much as he thought he had, he would have ignored all attempts at delay of his return to Netherfield made by his sisters and his friend.
The only thing that had stopped him, Charles realised now, was Darcy's assurance that Miss Jane did not return his affections. And now, Darcy had admitted that was a mistake, and while Bingley could forgive his friend for mistaking Miss Bennet's regard, he could not forgive himself for the extreme error in judgement. Sheer cowardliness had been, in truth, all that had stopped him from presenting his case to Miss Bennet eight months ago.
Reflecting upon it, Charles could not see what he could have lost by going against his friend and sisters and presenting his addresses then. At least he would have known Miss Bennet's true feelings straight away, rather than languishing for eight months in doubt and regrets. He could not ignore that his actions, his hesitancy when put in this light, reflected badly on his character.
It was this revelation that was the cause of his present doubt as to the state of his worth to Miss Bennet in offering himself as her husband. If he was unable to remain constant when confronted by friends and relatives differing opinions, then how would he be able to remain true to Miss Bennet in the future, if she was so good as to accept his addresses? If she had cared for him all those months ago, would she really be able to accept him now, after his retreat to town? Bingley doubted strongly that she would.
Jane herself was equally tormented by self doubt. Mr Bingley's attentions to her this morning had been exactly the same as in Hertfordshire, yet she could not ignore the end result of these attentions. What was to prevent him from returning to town and forgetting about her once more? What right had she to hope that he really cared for her at all?
Her own feelings she had long been certain about. She loved Mr Bingley. Indeed, whatever his past actions, whatever his present course, she would always remember him as the most amiable man of her acquaintance, and in all probability, the only man she could ever really love. She was worried because of this. Concerned that she might unconsciously be giving herself hope by misconstruing his attentions as particular, rather than those of simple politeness. She could not presume that he cared for her at all, until she received definitive proof of it.
Her sister's assurances that he did were all very well, but they did not carry any confirmation from the man himself. Jane knew that ultimately she could not trust anyone's judgement but her own, and even that could prove to be unreliable. Silently, she resolved to contain herself, to keep her feelings in check, until she could be sure that his were the same, if indeed they ever came to be.
Mr Darcy proved to be a most considerate guide by describing a brief history of the Library's construction when the party entered the room and the additions that several previous owners had made. He then joined his sister and Miss Elizabeth- who had separated from him to look around -who were talking quietly by a shelf nearby.
"Do you approve of the Library?" Darcy asked gently, trying not to sound nervous.
Elizabeth heard the anxiousness in his voice and replied in genuine praise of the room, adding, "my father would love this room."
"It is from your father then that you have inherited your fondness from reading?" Darcy queried as he watched Elizabeth run her fine eyes over the books.
"It is. At Longbourn the library is my father's sanctuary and I am the only one who is allowed in there without permission. The amount of books are not as large, but cover the same broad subject areas I believe." She paused as she ran a hand over one of the titles. "He would really enjoy seeing this many."
Darcy privately made a mental note to try and come up with something that could bring Mr Bennet over to Pemberley within the next available days. If his plan to have Elizabeth become mistress of the estate was to work, he would need to cultivate a good relationship with the man that mattered the most in her life, her father.
Darcy almost lost his composure at this point as he realised he had contemplated Elizabeth becoming his wife without so much a second thought. His mind really needed to learn patience when it came to concern love. This second attempt was not something he was going to rush. It needed to be slow. Very slow.
But that was the future. For now he calmly managed to involve Elizabeth and his sister in a discussion over tastes in reading. It was a discussion which remained quite friendly on all sides, even though eight months ago upon a certain evening one of the party had been quite assured in the view that they would never have the same taste in books.
All conversation soon came to an end at the striking of a clock in the room, signalling that the afternoon had begun, as well as a desire to for luncheon in everybody's stomachs. Darcy happily offered Elizabeth his arm and led the party out of the Library and through the rest of the house to the grounds at the back which provided a suitably well sun lit area for the planned picnic.
Thanks to Darcy's hopeful foresight, the servants had already anticipated their wants and the party found several blankets along with baskets of sandwiches, fresh fruit and other sweet titbits in carefully preserved containers. All exclaimed at the astuteness, the sweetness and the wonderfulness of it.
As it was in the Library, they found it quite natural to separate into groups, although there was a slight change in the number of persons. It was initiated by Georgiana, who could already see that her brother wanted to spend time alone with Miss Elizabeth, and wanted to give him the opportunity without making it look too obvious. She joined the Gardiners instead, who welcomed her view of her brother and kept the conversation flowing to prevent any suspicion of a set up in the couple's minds.
Elizabeth was not sure of her emotions about Miss Darcy leaving her with the brother, but he seemed not to mind it and soon had her engaged in a discussion on Blenhiem, -which she had mentioned as having visited two days ago, during their discussion after their first meeting at Pemberley, and he had known the family and house for quite some time -leaving her to forget her preoccupation and begin to enjoy his company.
In fact Elizabeth had found herself enjoying most things concerning Mr Darcy this day, most of all his conversation. It was pleasing, engaging and he seemed not only interested in her opinions, but honestly wanting her to express them. She also found that while they did disagree on some things, they did have the same taste in a lot of others and in those that they did not, his opinions and views were not only flexible, but were also well informed and at times most astute.
Overall, Elizabeth was enjoying Mr Darcy's company and she was at a loss as to how the desire of it never ending had formed in her mind, as quickly as it did.
The plan to view the rest of the house was forgot by everyone, indeed if there were anyone who remembered it, she or he quickly abandoned the idea due to the clear unspoken desire of the host, who remained locked in conversation with Miss Elizabeth Bennet for the rest of their stay.
After the topic of Blenhiem was worn out, Elizabeth asked Darcy for a history of his family and the house, of which Darcy was happy indulge her with. He was proud of his family history, for it had been a very eventful one. There had been Darcys who had died in the Wars of the Roses, Darcys who were executed for their part in the Pilgrimage of Grace,1 Darcys who had fought for the King in the Civil War, and Darcys who had seen to their tenants' rights over their livings and work. Elizabeth was impressed and intrigued by all the tales. She was also pleased by the way Darcy told them, not immodestly, and not with an hint of arrogance.
All too soon the day came to an end, and the Gardiners had to reluctantly announce their departure to Elizabeth and Jane, who both did not notice that it was time. Darcy helped Elizabeth up from the floor and this time his hand took the risk and stayed its hold on hers until they were by the carriage at the front of the house.
He then helped her in before reluctantly withdrawing the grip. As he did so the most unexpected motion occurred. Elizabeth looked into his eyes and squeezed his hand in a gesture that did not just signify friendship, or gratitude, or politeness or indeed anything that could be construed as any other emotion. It was quite clearly a gesture of affection.
"Thank you," Elizabeth then uttered as she let go, her eyes still not faltering under Darcy's gaze. Her look that accompanied the simple words also conveyed an entirely different significance attached to them. They went deeper than gratitude. This, together with the hand gesture, was a clear sign of Elizabeth's feelings for the first time and Darcy could not have felt more happy with the display of it.
He stayed to watch the carriage depart, noticing Elizabeth's gaze as she looked back at him once again until the view faded into the distance.
Note: This is really true; there were three Darcys around that time in history and Thomas Darcy got executed for his part in the Pilgrimage of Grace. There was also a Arthur Darcy and a George Darcy, who were his sons. Their possible ancestry with our Darcy though is just a little poetic license on my part.