Here's the next chapter, please keep reviewing, is anyone is even reading this story anymore? Regardless, enjoy!

Never Tear Us Apart

Chapter 10: where disappointment and regret collide

There's no blame for how our love did slowly fade,
And now that it's gone it's like it wasn't there at all,
And here I rest where disappointment and regret collide
Lying awake at night...

-Death Cab for Cutie

Blair walked into her bedroom and flopped onto the bed. Did that really just happen? Did Nate Archibald, the boy whom she thought she would marry when she was young, just kiss her? What did it all mean? He obviously did not want to be just friends, and she'd be lying if she said she wanted to be friends too.

There were so many questions she had. Why did Vanessa invite Nate? Why did he even show up? What was going on with him and Serena? What was she going to tell Zach? Why couldn't this have happened ten years ago?

Blair cursed silently, if Gossip Girl was still around, she would have known all of the answers to these questions and more.

She replayed the moment she felt the soft pressure of his lips on hers over and over again in her mind. He was soft, slow, gentle, but forceful...a far departure from what he used to be. When he was a teenager, he was fast, sloppy, rough and always over eager. Always rushing through the kisses to get to the part where he could get her bra off. The kisses had always been her favorite part. She wondered who is was that taught him how to stop and slow down; she wanted to thank her.

She pictured his bright eyes in her mind as he pulled away from her, staring at her once before turning and disappearing into the New York City night, his back to her, not seeing her reaction as he left. She was glad he hadn't turned around. She had wanted to say something, say anything, but nothing came to mind. She didn't know what would have happened if he had, but she knew she probably would not be able to control it. Everything could have been so different.

She wondered what he was doing at this very moment. She hoped he was lying in bed, thinking about her. Because she could not stop thinking about him.

In fact, Nate was thinking about her as he slipped out of his clothes and stepped into the shower. He was normally a morning shower guy, but he needed a cleanse, he had to wash everything away. From the second her lips parted and his name was uttered from her lips that morning in the hospital, he knew he had to hold her again. And he made good on that promise tonight. The laugh lines around her pouty mouth were so delicate, each with a story behind it's creation. He wondered if it was her boyfriend who had made her smile that much to leave a permanent reminder of himself on her. He wished he could have been there as each was formed; if she would let him see her again, all he wanted was to make her smile.

All he wanted to kiss every last line on her face, but for now, he would settle for just kissing her lips. The opportunity had presented itself, so he had to seize her and take her back to where they once had been. The stunned look on her face, the half-sigh escaping from her parted lips. He never thought he would ever see her in this light ever again, but it happened. And he would make it happen again. As he ran his fingers through his cold water soaked hair, he knew what all that stuff in those sappy movies meant. He just wanted to be around her, to make her his, to push her down on his bed and show her his world.

But he'd be a fool to think things hadn't change and think that things would be easy for them now. They weren't naive little kids anymore. They couldn't just feign indifference or ignorance. They couldn't blame their mistakes on other people. They were adults, responsible, consenting adults who would have to accept the consequences of any actions. He was ready and he would deal with anything that came his way; he just had to figure out a way to make Blair feel the same.

He shut the jet stream of water off, reaching for a towel to dry his cold body off. He thought the cool water would help him forget that he was going to bed alone tonight, but it only reinforced the fact that he would do everything in his power to take Blair to bed with him.

--

She lifted her desk chair and dragged it to the closet. She stepped on it, reaching for the highest shelf at a Manolo Blahnik boot box. She jumped off and blew the dust off the top. She lifted the top and looked at the contents. Pictures, dozens of pictures of her and Nate. Them kissing in Central Park, hanging out on the Charlotte, family trips, parties, dinners. She blew some dust off of a CD case, remembering when Nate made her the mix before senior year. She popped the CD into her computer and marveled at how old those songs really were as Jay Z's rap in the beginning of Rihanna's Umbrella started. She had the announcement from her Debutante Ball, and pictures and dried corsages from all of the school dances they attended. Newspaper cut outs of him playing lacrosse, movie ticket stubs. The ticket from the first concert they ever went to together, Simple Plan, when they were 12. She had it all there. There was label from the champagne bottle they shared from the night she lost her virginity to him and a souvenir pewter mini Empire State Building, where they'd had one of their first official dates (she had been enamored with An Affair to Remember and Sleepless in Seattle, so she insisted). She was so obsessed with him back then. Most of the memories of Nate and of her high school years had been packed up and stored away when her parents moved to Los Angeles, but Blair had kept only the most romantic notes, Valentine's, birthday cards she had received from him over the years, close at hand. She hadn't looked at this stuff for months and honestly, she shouldn't have kept all of this stuff, but she could not let him go.

The guitar strummed the opening notes to Hey There Delilah and she was once again transported back to her 17 year old self. The first time she'd heard that song, he had been with him, lying in his bed on some Saturday morning, listening to the radio. Even though it was the first time they'd heard it, he'd picked up the lyrics very fast and sung them to her as she lazily rested in his arms. The moment had been perfect, just as they had once been.

She shuffled the contents around until she found the last present Nate had ever given her, a bracelet from Tiffany that she had only worn once. He had their initials engraved on it. She traced each link, and placing it around her thin wrist. She heard some shuffling up the stairs, and quickly closed the box and threw it into the back of her closet, covering it up with a pile of clothing. She tried to undo the clasp of her bracelet, but it was caught.

"Hey Blair?" Zach walked through the door and dropped his chef's jacket on the bed. "Wow, this song is really old." He sat down and started removing his clothes. She walked out of her closet, hiding the bracelet behind her back.

"Hey, what's up? How was your night?" She kissed him on the cheek.

"Pretty busy, one of the waiters didn't show up, so we were backed up, etc. Same old shit. What'd you and Danessa end up doing?"

"Karaoke. It was fun." The cool metal seared into her flesh, feeling much heavier than it should.

"Cool." Silence. Blair could not speak, she did not want to let on to her betrayal. Not now. "So, I have to talk to you about something." Blair sighed. It was late and she was already overwhelmed enough for one night.

"Can't this wait for tomorrow?" she said abruptly, immediately regretting her tone. He didn't notice. His face grew somber in the soft glow from her bedside lamp. She immediately paid attention, maybe this conversation was not what she was expecting.

"I'd rather get this out now," she looked at him expectantly, "Look, I have been thinking a lot about us and about how I'm planning to move out west. I know that you're not going to be able to join me right now because you still have like three years left, but I think we can make it work." Blair looked at him like he was crazy. He took her hands in his and looked into his eyes and she suddenly felt incredibly guilty because of what happened earlier. Her stomach grumbled angrily. What was she doing?

He twisted her arm around to admire her bracelet. "This is nice. Is it new?" She nodded, the weight of the statement was comparable to the weight of the bracelet dangling from her arm.

She hesitated, "Zach, I don't know." She looked everywhere but his face.

"You don't have to answer anything now, but Blair just hear me out. We've been together for two years. You've been the one to stand by me and encourage me to do all of this. I know a lot can happen when we're like five thousand miles apart, but you can come out and visit me. And I'll try to come back here. And who knows what might happen, you may even want to move out West one day."

She didn't. New York was her home. For the second time in one night, she was speechless. He looked so hopeful, she felt a small tug in her chest.

"Look, I'm willing to try and make this work okay? I just want you to know that. I'm not going to try to trap you with some promise of us being together forever, but I just need you to know that. Okay? You know that I'm in this thing." She looked up at him, and he kissed the top of her head. "Goodnight, sweetie." He headed into the bathroom and she heard him turn the shower on. There once was a time when she had fire for her boyfriend; she would've slinked in and joined him in the shower, but instead she climbed underneath the covers and tried to forget their conversation until long after he finished showering and wordlessly crept into bed next to her.

Blair didn't know what to say or think or do. Now she had even more questions. Would this long distance thing ever work? They barely saw each other now and they practically lived together. She basically cheated on him and he was in the same city, so how could she promise to be faithful to him if he lived so far away? Was there any passion left? Was there any passion to begin with? What about Nate? She finally twisted the bracelet off her arm, letting it drop onto the comforter.

She thought about the biggest question of all, if he was so devoted to her, how come she didn't hear those all important three little words?