If someone had told him two months ago he'd be in the position he was now, he'd have laughed in their face. Hell, if someone had told him two days ago, he'd have done the same thing.
He wasn't laughing now.
In fact, he was actually feeling extremely awkward. For the first time in his life he couldn't seem to find words.
He had succeeded in dragging the pregnant Lily out of bed and readying herself to meet with him for breakfast at The Palace dining area.
It was eight thirty a.m. on a Saturday morning and Chuck Bass was having breakfast with his step mother.
They had exchanged pleasantries at first. She had been there when he arrived—he had held off showing up as much as possible even though he was the one to initiate this little meeting.
She clearly had no idea what had changed his mind, but she knew teenagers. She wasn't going to pry. She'd just sit and enjoy her breakfast and ask all the questions she was supposed to ask about school and hobbies. He'd get to the point eventually.
Finally, when he had nothing left on his plate to shove into his mouth to prevent him from speaking, he leaned back and quietly sipped his orange juice. If she hadn't seen the waiter set it there herself and knew it hadn't been tampered with, she might have thought it was spiked. She couldn't remember the last time she'd seen him drink anything non-alcoholic.
She sat back and watched him, not saying anything. He needed time to get the words out. It wasn't quite what she expected.
"So…what's the deal?" Chuck asked, looking at his glass…anywhere but at her.
"Deal?" Lily asked. She didn't have any idea what he was referring to.
"Why do you even care?" Chuck asked, referring to their entire meeting and the fact that Lily wanted to bond with him in the first place.
Lily understood what he was asking. She thought about it for a second before finally responding.
"Because my children are the most important thing in my life," Lily began. "And when I married your father you became one of them." She knew what she was taking on when she'd agreed to marry Bart. She understood that he had a child, just like she had two. And Bart had definitely tried to reach hers. She hadn't even required it of him. She almost felt guilty for deciding to marry him not because he was her first choice, but because of what Serena had said. Dan was the most important thing in the world to Serena. Lily had done what she'd asked because Serena was to her what Dan was to Serena.
"You don't seem too pleased about this one," Chuck said, finally looking up and nodding toward her stomach.
She reached down and covered her slightly swollen stomach with a hand. A slow smile came across her face.
"It was…unexpected," Lily said, amused once again at the irony of it all. She couldn't believe that her children were almost grown—she was finally almost done! And then, wham, along comes another one.
She looked at Chuck. She knew he couldn't possibly understand what she was talking about. Bart was a good man, but he didn't know how to show Chuck affection very well. Maybe this was why he'd finally called her. She hastened to explain.
"But, that doesn't make him or her any less important or special," she continued.
"Well, maybe it'll take after your side, not my father's," Chuck gave a self deprecatory smirk.
"It doesn't matter," Lily said quickly. "She or he can make as many mistakes, be the worst person ever, but it won't make me care any less." Chuck finally met her gaze, really listening to her.
"I'll always hope she or he could change, but I'll love them unconditionally," she explained. She paused now. She wasn't sure if this was what Chuck was asking for, and she didn't want to throw too much at him if she was wrong.
He looked down, swirling his orange juice around again before asking his next question.
"Do you think it's possible to make such a drastic change?" he asked slowly.
Lily considered his question. She had a feeling her answer was going to be really important and she needed to get it just right.
"Do you remember my daughter before boarding school?" she asked.
A slow smirk came over his face and he nodded, still not looking at her.
"I don't know what caused her to change…whether it was Dan or just her growing up…but she did," Lily said, a smile forming on her face. "And I am grateful that she's so happy now…"
Chuck nodded impatiently, not really wanting to hear about Serena.
"But I wouldn't love her any less if she changed back," Lily said noticing his restlessness.
"Charles," she said now, reaching across to put her hand over his other hand that was resting on the table, not holding his glass.
He froze at the contact and looked up at her, startled.
"People are generally good Charles. It's life that gets in the way and hardens you to the rest of the world. It's all a matter of deciding what's most important to you and going after it. Without purpose, life is meaningless."
He didn't say anything, just continued to look at her as the words sunk in.
Finally he looked away and gave a hesitant smile.
"Well, how'd we do? Was it quite the experience you've been hoping for?" Chuck made a joke about the whole bonding thing now. He could only stand so much of this crap at a time. And he really wanted to get out of there suddenly.
"It was…unexpected," she said, just as she had referred to the new baby earlier. She didn't know what had brought on his questions but she hoped she had helped him.
"A pleasure, madam" Chuck said now, standing up and giving a slight bow before turning to leave.
"Charles?" she called out his name.
He reluctantly turned around.
"Sunday dinners at the house are always a delight. The cook really outdoes herself," she mentioned. "See you at seven?"
He looked at her, considering, not really sure why he was even thinking about it. And then he surprised himself with his response.
He slowly nodded before turning and walking away.
Lily breathed a sigh of relief that things had gone so well. But she was feeling tired. She hoped he didn't want to get up this early all the time. She was already in the mood for her daily nap. Maybe she could get away with two of them today.
He had wondered aimlessly for most of the day. Lily's words weren't something he was going to forget soon. He briefly wondered what it would have been like to grow up with a mother like her…but that was a pointless thought so he moved on.
He wanted Blair. He wanted the baby. And he was slowly beginning to realize that if he didn't do something right for once in his life he was going to lose it all. His life finally had some purpose, some direction.
But since he'd never had that before, he was batting zero and had no idea what he was going to do.
He passed by the jewelers to see if Blair had put anything on hold like she did every year since she decided that diamonds really were a woman's best friend. She hadn't.
A small idea was forming in his head and he thought it might actually work. It was almost like what he'd done last year when he'd been overcome by stomach flutters and anxious to prove to her that her gift to him hadn't been taken lightly.
He was just hoping he could get this right.
He hadn't counted on being too late.
He had arrived just before midnight. He wanted to be the one there for her as soon as it turned into her birthday. He walked in and wondered around the party location. It was another penthouse on the Upper East Side, this time it was Is' turn to make the arrangements and the party was in full swing.
He knew it was only seconds before midnight when he spotted Serena carrying a lighted cake from the other side of the room. He followed at a distance behind her knowing that she would lead him straight to Blair.
He froze at the corner of the doorway leading to the room she was in. She was by a table, smiling happily and surrounded by all her friends. They gathered around and sang to her before she leaned down and blew them out.
It was a happy moment for her. It wasn't a happy moment for him.
Because standing next to her and helping her blow out those candles was none other than Nate Archibald, his ex-best friend and her ex-boyfriend of many years.
He stood in shock, watching as she looked at Nate saying something to her while Serena put the cake knife in her hand.
Pain rushed through him when Nate reached up and tucked a stray curl behind her ear. She didn't flinch away. She just kept on smiling and turned back to finish cutting the cake.
He couldn't help but feel as though he had come completely full circle.
He backed away and left. He had been too late. He should have known Nate would come back into the picture. And how could he possibly compete with him?
This time he didn't have any place to run to. He wondered outside of the building and sat on the front stoop, off to the side. He didn't know how long he sat there absorbed in his thoughts. He didn't know who had left the party and walked by him without even noticing him in the shadows. All he knew was the numbness that had washed over him.
"What are you doing out here all alone?"
He was startled out of his thoughts at the question and turned to look up at Blair standing there by herself looking down at him in confusion. She was clearly on her way out. The party must be almost over. How long had he been sitting there?
He looked away.
"You told me not to come," he said.
She sighed and sat down next to him on the stoop.
"You did anyway," she said.
He looked down between his legs and slowly reached to pick up the box laying there. He hesitated before handing it to her.
She looked at it with a question in her eyes before taking it from him and opening it slowly.
She let out a small gasp at its contents.
It was a matched set—two necklaces, lying like little half moons, the smaller chain resting above the other. Each adorned with a simple silver butterfly, sparkling with diamonds in each of their little wings.
She looked up at him in wonder.
He closed his eyes and looked down again, remembering all too well moments from one of the worst days of his life.
"I don't know who it was," Chuck said to a friend. The entire school was abuzz about Gossip Girl's text and every guy was lining up to ask one of Blair's "best friends" about the identity of the other guy.
He wasn't prepared when someone grabbed him from behind and pushed him up against the back of his car. He realized it was Nate.
"Did you sleep with her, huh?" Nate's face was right next to his, his jaw clenched and his eyes spitting fire.
Chuck didn't respond. He couldn't. He wasn't prepared for this and he knew the gig was up. He couldn't lie to Nate anymore…but he couldn't admit it out loud either.
Nate saw the answer on his face and jerked his hands up around Chuck's neck.
"You son of a bitch, I could kill you," Nate said, jerking harder.
"Look, can we talk about this without your hands around my neck?" Chuck said, hoping to smooth the waters.
"What did you do? Did you take what you wanted just like you did all those other girls?" Nate growled at him before jerking away from him, turning his back slightly, before turning back to look at him in anger.
"Yes Nathaniel. I took what Blair kept throwing at you and you kept throwing back," Chuck said, sitting up, exasperated now. Nate was such an idiot for not wanting her in the first place. And now he wanted to get angry because someone else had?
"Oh, so somehow you screwing Blair for sport was my fault?" Nate yelled at him, sarcasm showing as his anger grew.
"It wasn't for sport," Chuck insisted. It could never be for sport. "She needed someone and I was there," he said. He needed Nate to understand.
"Oh, so you cared about her!" Nate continued yelling in disbelief.
"You guys were broken up," Chuck excused. He wasn't about to admit to anyone, especially Nate, that he cared about her.
"Oh for how long? A week? An hour?" Nate was back in Chuck's face. Chuck was looking at the ground, unable to look at him…it really had been about an hour, give or take a few minutes.
Nate started walking away. Panic set in and Chuck had to find a way to fix this.
"Look, I'm sorry alright? I know how long you and I have been best friends, okay?" Chuck's voice almost squeaked on the last part. He didn't usually apologize, but he couldn't lose his best friend.
"No, it's not okay Chuck," Nate said, turning around and getting right into Chuck's face. "From now on you stay away from me," Nate threatened, pushing Chuck back.
Chuck stared stupidly after him. "Nate," he tried again.
"You stay the hell away from me Chuck!" Nate hollered at him before going into the gate of the school.
Chuck stared at him watching one more person he cared about walking out of his life… and thought that was the cruelest thing she could have ever done to him.
"I said those things that night because I thought you had told Nate," Chuck said now. He couldn't look at her.
"What?" Blair said, looking up from the gorgeous necklaces for mother and child.
"I didn't find out until later that you didn't tell him. I thought that after I sent the text to Gossip Girl—which I did, by the way, if you didn't know—that you had decided to get one final slap at me for ruining your reputation by ruining my relationship with Nate," he finally admitted the truth.
"And I said those things because I'm Chuck Bass. I shouldn't have feelings…and you knew I did, and you still just threw me away to go back to him."
She was quiet for a long moment. "I knew about the text Chuck."
He looked at her with a question in his eyes.
"You were the only one who knew about two guys in one week," she said. She had come to congratulate him that night for doing such a wonderful job of ruining her reputation—somewhat sarcastically. But she had also come because he had always been her friend, always willing to go on the next scheme with her, and just…always there. So when she'd had no one left, she went back to him. Desperate? Yes, she had been.
"I'm sorry Blair," Chuck apologized. It was maybe the second time in his life he had ever said those words and meant it—the first time being Nate.
She nodded. They had both been hurting each other for so long.
"I'm sorry too," she admitted.
"I want to see her," Chuck said now, looking at Blair. "I'm okay with you moving on. You deserve someone better than me, even if you do go back to Nate." He nearly choked on the words, remembering that moment at her birthday party.
"Chuck Bass!" Blair almost exclaimed, clearly impressed. "I thought I was the one turning eighteen today."
He just shook his head.
"No," she turned to face forward and glanced up. "I'm done with guys… Nate, Wes, you…" She breathed out a deep sigh.
"I need to be on my own for now. Finish high school, go to college. Try to find out who I am without some guy defining me. I've been in a relationship for practically my entire life." Nate had flirted with her at the party, but she had let him down gently after the festivities came to an end. He knew it was over now. That's all that mattered as far at that went. Was this really what she wanted? She thought so anyway. She was so tired of all the drama that guys brought into the picture. She was a mother now, like it or not, and she had to think ahead.
He nodded, understanding what she was saying more than she could possibly know.
"Blair," he said, pausing until she looked at him. "I'm ready to try to do things differently. I'll be who I have to be for her. I'm not going to get everything right at first. I know that Blair. But it won't be from lack of trying. Thanksgiving is next week. I'm assuming you'll be going to see her…." He trailed off, leaving his question unasked. She was smart enough to figure out that he wanted to go with her.
"Chuck," she said, sighing now. "It's too soon. How do I know what you say is the truth?"
He nodded. "Give me until Christmas Blair."
Time stood still as he waited for her answer.
Blair closed her eyes and went over everything in her mind. She couldn't keep on doing this to him. She cared about him too much.
She opened her eyes and met his stare, finally nodding.
He let out a breath of relief, dropping his head and giving a small smile.
"Chuck…" she said, her voice barely a whisper.
He looked at her again.
"Claire. Her name is Claire."
The small smile became a large one as he realized that even after everything they had gone through, she'd named the baby after both of them.
She got worried when she thought his eyes were looking a little glassy…and not in an I-drunk-too-much sort of way.
She reached out and grabbed his arm.
"C'mon Bass. I need a ride home," she stood up. She paused and looked down at him. "But just a ride," she warned. There would be no more repeats.
He nodded and stood up. He called for his car.
They walked down the path and to the street together.
He knew that this would be the toughest thing he'd ever done, but he would do it. He finally had something special in his life that meant more than everything else. And he wasn't going to screw this up…he hoped.
I don't want this moment to ever end
Where everything's nothing without you
I'll wait here forever just to see you smile
'Cause it's true, I am nothing without you
Through it all, I made my mistakes
I stumble and fall, but I mean these words…
I want you to know
With everything I won't let this go
These words are my heart and soul
I'll hold on to this moment you know
'Cause I'd bleed my heart out to show
And I won't let go….
Stay tuned for the Epilogue…
Song: With Me by SUM 41