**Author's Note**
So, it looks like I am only updating one story at a time. Lucky for this fandom. Not so much for my Ninja Turtle fan fictions. Ah well. They will still be there. Couldn't help myself, I guess. Also, How to Date an Ed is offically on three sites! DA, FF, and Ao3. Though I am thinking about posting it onto Tumblr as well. Thoughts? Concerns? Let me know either through PM, or reviewing~!
Yummy, yummy reviews!
Laughing Jay: I'm glad you were patient enough to wait. :) I'm excited to see more too! You'll just have to wait to see what happens next like everybody else, I'm afraid.
Himetnd: I'M BACK. I'm happy you went back to read it. Twice~! I can't wait for more either.
Random Fangirl: Hi! I'm happy you adore it. I do too~. Thank you for the compliments, they're so sweet! I'm so glad I could make you a fan!
gypsywitch19 (for ch. 8) : *scoffs* I wouldn't go so far as to say wonderful, but, yeah, I'm pretty awesome. :D I'm glad I could make your day with that line. Gotta love that random inspiration!
jessiejr21: I did. I am. I know. XD But it was a stopping point, and I just couldn't write anymore; I wanted to update so bad! Luckily for you, an update is here!
Missdellusion: Yassss, I'm back! Of course it's going to continue. I hate unfinished fan fictions just like anyone else. Can't tell. No more waiting, Yay!
And on with this crazy ride!
**Author's Note**
How to Date an Ed
Ch. 9
Double D can't bite back the moan of delight as he bites into the deliciousness of hot refried beans, melted cheese, and slightly spicy goodness. Oh, lord, what HAS he been missing all these years? His homemade burritos simply can't compare. The sockhead can almost guaruntee it's the red sauce that's the secret.
"Geez, Double D, you're supposed to eat it, not make out with it."
A blush stains his cheeks as he glances over at his partner. Who is snickering at him. A warmth blooms in his chest. Kevin needs to laugh more. But not at him, he thinks, pouting.
"I am most certainly eating it. I am just simply enjoying it during the process." Green eyes roll at him as he sips his soda. "Whatever, man. Just quit moaning like that, alright? It's kinda obsene." The smaller male feels his face glow from embarrassment. Oh dear. He hadn't realized he was sounding so wanton. He glances back down at the burrito in his hands, the cheese and red sauce slowly oozing out of it. He swallows thickly. He will try to keep the sounds to a minimum, but this burrito will be eaten!
Kevin looks away from the dork. Jeez, one would think this was a bad porno, from how the sockhead is looking at the food. The redhead picks up his hard taco and starts munching on it, thinking back on what had happened earlier. So, yeah, that was some sort of episode. He's pretty sure that was some sort of anxiety attack. Which would fit the genius of the Eds, he supposes. Being friends with Eddy would give anyone anxiety. And he's pretty sure the male sitting from him is already neurotic. And has OCD like nobody's business. Yet, still. He can't put his finger on it just yet, but something is definately off about the sockhead. But, looking back at his childhood experiences, he really can't place what is wrong. The dork is still a dork, who hangs out with other dorks. He's super smart, likes to be clean, obviously has never had fast food a day in his life. The only thing he can think of is that the genius finally gained a sense of style. Which, stereotypically, could be placed under the gay aspect. So, nothing is out of place.
Thin lips frown as he chews the last bite. Maybe that's it? Nothing has changed about the dork, and that's what's wrong? That actually makes a lot of sense. The dork hasn't evolved. He still needs help from bullies, he still hangs out with the other Eds, and nobody really knows anything about him. If he's honest with himself, it almost feels like the Double D everybody sees is actually a giant ass wall hiding something. His eyes slide back to the sockhead in question. Ah, yeah, that's it. Looking at the genius now, his expressions are less guarded, the emotions flitting across his face feel more real. He knew the dork had something to hide, but he didn't realize how far he would go to hide it.
The redhead stares as his partner licks the red sauce off his fingers, who is obviously not caring how provogative the action is. A small blush stains tanned cheeks. The fuck, Double Dork?! Once the action is done, the sockhead looks at him blankly, eyes hooded and dilated. Almost as if in a trance. A small ball of lead settles into the pit of his stomach. Why is the dork giving him bedroom eyes?! But before he can panic, the spell is broken. The dork "awakens," as his eyes become wide and alert, his hands immediately grabbing some napkins to wipe off the saliva. And he seems to not even realize what he had done moments ago.
The genius glances up at him and giggles. Fucking giggles. The sound honestly throws Kevin for a loop. How in the hell does one look at someone with the eyes of... of... a lover, and then moments later giggle like a middle school girl?! Completely befuddled by the male opposite of him, he barks, "What?"
"Kevin, you have some sour cream on your face."
He stares at the genius with a mixture of confusion and awe. That's what's so funny? That he has some white shit on his fa- oh. The green-eyed man grimaces in distaste as he grabs a napkin. That could also explain the bedroom eyes. Double Dork could be a closet pervert, and had a really innappropriate thought about him and some... white stuff. Actually that makes a lot of freaking sense. The dork is gay, after all; and Kevin himself is an attractive male, if he does say so himself. So, it shouldn't be a surprise to him that the dork might develop sexual feelings for him. Yet, it is.
After having successfully wiped his face clean, he tears into the quesadilla, pulling out half and passing it to the dork. Right, they're here to give the sockhead fast food, not ponder about the man in question. Though the dork is still weird.
Double D picks up the slice of- whatever Kevin gave him, and sniffs it. Smells slightly spicy. Shrugging, he takes a bite. And is immediately blown over by cheese, chicken, tang and heat. He gasps as he practically lunges for his beverage and sucks the liquid down, cold relief of the water soothing his aching mouth. after he swallows, he glares at Kevin, who had started laughing.
"That was not funny, Kevin Barr."
"Sorry, sorry, guess I should've warned you. The quesadillas can get a little spicy."
The sockhead looks at him dubiously. A little spicy. That was what normal people call a little spicy? Good Lord, he might be in trouble. And possibly just sticking to the burritos.
"Yes, well, I do believe it's time I get to class," the genius huffs, heading to the counter to ask for a to-go bag. Kevin can eat the rest of the food he had purchased. Especially that demon quesadilla. Eddward frowns slightly as he hands the plastic over to his partner. Does Kevin like spicy foods? If so, that might be a problem for dinner. He'll have to borrow some spices from Eddy's cabinet, though he sincerely hopes it doesn't come down to that. They head out to the car once again, The young genius slamming the door absentmindedly. This day is surely going downhill. He had an episode- right in front of Kevin, heavens!- on top of having an inappropriate daydream get the better of him during lunch. He needs to be more careful.
"You alright, Double D?"
The sockhead snaps out of his thoughts, jerking to gaze at the redhead. Said male is looking at him with what appears to be concern, though the genius believes that to be himself fantasicing again.
"Of course! Why do you ask?"
A ginger eyebrow raises.
"No reason. So, what did you think of Taco Bell?"
Blue eyes narrow slightly. Did he miss a conversation? He must have, for the tanned man is giving him suspicious glances. Well, he must be patient. His boyfriend will know everything at dinner.
"Splendid. Though I believe I will only be ordering the burritos there for a long time, thanks to you."
Laughter escapes the man beside him. It almost sounds like a coughing fit. It's pretty charming. Oh, that's disconcerting. Don't think like that, Eddward.
"Sorry, dude, didn't mean to put you off of quesadillas. They're really not that bad."
"I know that! And I don't mind a lot of spice. I just wish for it to not be sudden. And that quesadilla was quite sudden in its useage."
More laughter ensues as they roll into the parking lot of the building Edd needs to go to. A small sigh escapes him. He suddenly doesn't wish to go to class; he'd rather be with Kevin and... what's the term? Hang out? Though they still hadn't found much in common, it was strangely... exciting to simply be in his presence. A kind of excitement that even one of Eddy's past crazy schemes couldn't achieve. And Double D suddenly found himself to be an adrenaline junkie.
'"My class ends at five. I will see you then?" Blue eyes meet green. Eddward's breath catches in his throat. Oh my. He hadn't looked closely before, but Kevin's eyes are gorgeous. Varying shades that remind him of grassy fields, mossy rocks, and shady forests blend seamlessly together, having him almost lost in some sort of faerie land he can't name.
"Sounds cool. See ya."
And with that, those eyes turn away, leaving him feeling quite... alone. And heavy. Lips thinning at the feeling and what it could propose, he exits the car. After waving goodbye to Kevin, and watching his automobile disappear around a corner, he heads into the building.
Okay, so something is DEFINATELY up with the dork. And, confirmed, the dork is attracted to him, if that moment told him anything. But does the dork being attracted to him have anything to do with that episode from earlier? He has no clue, and to be honest, it's starting to make his brain hurt thinking about it. But, damn, the Double Dork practically fucked him with that stare, it was so intense. It nearly made the redhad deck the genius right there. Yet, even Kevin can't deny; the dork's eyes were pretty. Really bright light blue with a kinda swirly pattern. Like, if wind was a color, that would be it.
Okay, enough gay thoughts. It's bad enough that he is getting an ego boost out of the knowledge of the dork being attracted to him. Like, how sick is he?! Was his self confidence really flagging that bad that being attractive to some guy- especially a gay guy- made him feel better about himself?! Grumbling under his breath, the athlete pulls into a mall parking lot nearby the college; he figures he can check out the sports store and the entertainment store for some music while he waits for the sockhead. Be a waste of gas for him to just go home and wait. With his hands tucked into his pockets, he shuffles into the large complex, instinctively heading for the sports store.
Which turned out to be a big mistake on his part, he realizes, as he sees those dicks from yesterday already in there. He sneers at them when the three notice he is in the store, and, trying to ignore them, makes his way to the jersey section. Unfortunately, they follow.
"Yo, Kev," one of them calls out to him. Great.
"Yeah."
The larger one, Tucker? Hucker? Fucker, yeah, Fucker will do. Fucker walks over, expression being quite somber. Ew, he's starting to think like the dork.
"Hey, man, just wanted to say sorry for yesterday. Kinda caught us off-guard, ya know?"
Mentally grumbling, Kevin nods. "Yeah, I got ya, man. I would have been in the same spot you are." God, can these assholes go away? Unfortunately not, as Fucker nods sagely and the other two creep up.
"Yeah, dude, gotta say, did not see that coming." Neither did I, the redhead thinks.
"No worries. Kinda surprised me too." There, they said sorry, now can they just please leave?!
"And with that nerd, of all people! Man, I gotta tell ya, not a good choice."
That gets Kevin's attention. "What's wrong with Double D?"
Fucker scoffs and the others snicker. "Well, for one thing, that loser has no style. C'mon, man, you can do better than that. And second, that guy is a string bean. I can guaruntee tht guy has no interest in any kind of sport. So what the hell do you guys talk about? I'm betting nadda."
Kevin bites back a growl. So what if they hadn't found any common interests yet? It's only been two days! He barely knows the dork now, let alone when they actually hung out- the rare occasion that was.
"And finally, bro, aren't you worried about your rep?" At this, the tan male looks at the jock curiously. Of course he's worried about his rep, though it seemed to be fine for him being, er, well, pretending to be gay. So why does Fucker actually sound forboding?
"The hell you talking about?"
"Kev, man, nobody will dare care that you're gay. You're too cool. But being gay with a loser nerd? You're not worried about his reputation bringing yours down?"
Green eyes widen slightly. He hadn't even considered the dork's reputation bringing his own down. Was that even possible? Was the dork really that infamous?
"...You mean Double D has a rep?" He sees Fucker blanche. Obviously the idiot hadn't thought that far.
"Well, kinda, yeah..."
At this, a ginger eyebrow raises. "Huh. Didn't expect you to be all about the gossip. Besides, why are you so worried about my rep? And how do you know about my boyfriend's?"
Kevin can practically hear the gears in Fucker's head trying to reverse.
"No reason, man! I just hear shit, alright? I can't help it if that loser has the teachers wrapped around his finger! Even the swimming coach! I mean, I'd be alright if he was a rich kid like us, but he ain't!"
Knuckles cracking, he can practically smell the fear rolling off of the jock. This is stupid. The guy's making shit up to throw Kevin off the trail.
"Ya know what I think? I think you actually like my Double D."
Blue eyes widen in alarm, "NO! I ain't gay, man!"
"And you liking my boyfriend is a bit of a problem," the redhead glowers at Fucker, who has realized his backup has disappeared, the cowards. He grabs the slightly taller male by the collar, ready to deck him a new nose, when his phone pings. An awkward silence surrounds the pair. Groaning in frustration, the tanner male drops his adversary and digs in his pocket. He pulls it out, the screen showing a new message. Oh, it's from Double Dork. After shooting a sideways glare at Fucker, he opens the message.
From Double D: I apologize for this, but it seems that my teacher will not be arriving today, so class has been canceled. I will be outside.
Kevin inwardly groans. Great. And he didn't even get to check out and see if his favorite football star's jersey was here.
"You must have a guardian angel on your side, Fucker, cuz I gotta split. Next time I see you, and if it's anywhere near Double D, expect your face pummelled."
And with that, Kevin stalks out.
Once in the car, his thoughts turn to the conversation. Would Double D's reputation- if he actually has one- tarnish his own? Not likely, but the small seed of doubt was still planted into his brain. Grimacing at the many possibilities of how dating the dork- even if it was pretenting- could possibly ruin him, he drives back to the college.
"Curse this class of mine," a sockhead mutters under his breath, fiddling with his backpack laces. He can't believe the audacity of his teacher not bothering to show up. They had a paper due today, dammit! Oh dear, he shouldn't curse like that. And now he has wasted Kevin's gas and time by coming out here. That might make the redhead a bit irate. Eddward swallows thickly. He hopes his homemade dinner will mellow out the athlete. The young genius pouts, placing his head in his hand. What sort of conversation are they supposed to have over the next fortnight? They have nothing in common! Oh dear, he obviously didn't think this plan through. He doubts Kevin is a fan of his musical preference, and he is extremely aware that he himself is not interested in sports of any kind. How they are played and differ from each other might be interesting, hmmm... maybe he just needs to try conversing at a different angle. And with that thought, Kevin's Mustang rolls up, as if on cue.
"Greetings, Kevin. I really am sorry about this."
Kevin gives a lopsided smirk, which makes the sockhead's heart jump. "Eh, no worries. Just hop in already."
After practiacally scrambling to gain entry, they take off back to their cul-de-sac. Double D bites his lip anxiously; he has an opportunity to start a conversation that they both might be interested, and wouldn't simply be Kevin teasing him, yet he has no idea how to start it. Oh, drat! Curse his introvert tendencies...
"So, Double D, what exactly are you planning on dinner? I know we had lunch like, an hour ago, but I'm kinda starving."
The blue-eyed male stares at his companion, appalled. Gracious, how does he have this kind of appetite? What to do, what to do? He needs at least half an hour to get the stench of thawed seafood out of his house, but how is he going to convince Kevin to go... home... ah ha!
"I have some leftovers from lunch. Did you want them?"
"Fuck yeah. Hand 'em over."
Eddward obliges, suddenly thankful that Taco Bell food is exuberatingly messy. From his perepherial vision, he watches the redhead take a bite out of the quesadilla almost violently. If he didn't hate that dreaded piece of food, he'd feel sorry for it.
"So, you told me that you had went to Notre Dame to play football. Was there any other sport you liked? Or was football the only choice?"
Kevin swallows his bite and glances at him. Good, he has his attention.
"Yeah there was. I really liked baseball, basketball after that. But you need to be able to run in both sports, so I could only ever play either for fun."
Double D has to fight off a smile. His plan is working! Strategically, he tilts his head to the side slightly.
"Okay, but since you still like sports, why didn't you try to become a coach?"
And with that, Kevin's jaw drops. As does the quesadilla. Right into his lap. Perfect.
"Oh, no! Hang on, I have a napkin..."
Roughly, the sockhead grabs a napkin and practically grinds the mexican food into the redhead's groin before yanking it up and tossing the ruined food back into the bag. He glances at his handiwork. Excellent. Completely ruined jeans that appear to be already starting to get tacky and stiff.
"I'm so sorry, Kevin! I didn't mean to make you drop the food."
The redhad grimaces at the mess in his lap. "Uh, it's alright, I guess. I guess I'll go home and change then head over."
Eddward nods sagely, "That sounds like a plan." Perfect! He can't believe his plan worked so flawlessly! Maybe he did think this whole charade through...
The Mustang roars into the sockhead's driveway, the jock barely giving him any time to get out before zooming across the street. Smiling, the young genius enters his abode, ready to tackle his not-dinner-date. He hopes.