Awakening

Bonus 4: The World According to Chris

Senior Year

Chris Hargensen, Tina Blake

"I wish I could tell you that things get better. They won't. If anything, things get much worse. I suppose you already know that, though. Heaven knows the media has covered the Black Prom thoroughly enough. I also wish I could say that we took away a valuable lesson from all of the pain we've experienced, but I'm afraid we really haven't. Sooner or later there will be another Carrie White and another Chris Hargensen, and history will repeat itself. The names may be different next time, but the pattern will be the same. Cruelty is just as contagious as kindness, and can leave just as deep a mark on those affected. In a way, I hope that this book serves as some sort of reminder that actions and words have consequences."

- Excerpt from "My Name is Susan Snell" (pg IV)

Chris used to believe that she understood life – that she understood people. Now she was no longer sure. What she was certain of was the fact that she was in some serious trouble, and the people she counted on the most had thrown her under the bus. Chris really didn't see why everyone was so angry about what happened in the locker room. It was hardly her fault that Carrie White was too ignorant to know that she was menstruating and ended up having a meltdown. Miss Desjardin had sided with the freak and chose to punish most of the class for what was really little more than run of the mill horseplay. They really hadn't done anything wrong – at least nothing that warranted a week's worth of boot camp detention. It wasn't the first time she and her classmates had thrown things at each other. The only difference was that that dumb bitch Carrie White was an emotionally stunted cry-baby who couldn't take a joke. A normal high-school student wouldn't have been curled up in a corner, sobbing. The real irony of it was that Miss Desjardin didn't even like Carrie. Everyone could tell she was annoyed by her and was nearing the end of her patience. Everyone had seen her roll her eyes whenever the freak screwed up. It was plainly obvious that she actually enjoyed slapping the spaz.

That was another reason why Chris was so furious over Miss Desjardin's detention. It wasn't just that it was heavy-handed and probably qualified as child abuse; it was completely hypocritical. How could Desjardin lecture them about mistreating Carrie when she herself viewed her with contempt? Chris wasn't even completely convinced that the whole thing hadn't simply been an attempt to garner attention. It wouldn't have been the first time, and not even Carrie could have been so stupid and so uninformed as to have no clue what a period was. In a way, it really was all the Jesus freak's own fault, and as such it was completely unfair to punish everyone for acting like normal human teenagers. Someone had to take a stand for what was right, and Chris did just that. Unfortunately, the girls who she had counted on to have her back had let her down. She had trusted them – loved them—and they betrayed her.

Things went downhill from there. Miss Desjardin had somehow gotten wind of the fact that the whole incident had been recorded. Chris had no idea how she found out about the video, but it was too late to do anything about it. It hardly mattered at this point, though. The video had gone viral and everyone in school had seen it by the next day – including that creep Mr. Ullman. Tina was right; it was a mistake to upload it to YouTube. She wouldn't have expected Miss Desjardin to be bright enough to raise the possibility of the incriminating footage being on her phone – or that her father would cave so easily. Things were falling apart, and Chris never felt as alone as she did at that moment.

She was sitting alone in her room. Somewhere off in the distance thunder rumbled and woolen storm clouds crept closer. It matched her mood perfectly. She was still angry, but even worse, she was heartbroken. Not only was she suspended and barred from her senior prom, but her acceptance to Oberlin was probably in jeopardy. On the ride home her father had outlined all of the potential consequences and had gone into great detail about how disgusted and disappointed he was in her.

"You're graduating in a month," he had said without looking at her, "why couldn't you just leave her alone? How could you be so stupid?"

She had always been her Daddy's Princess, and his words cut deeper than any lecture Morton or that bitch Desjardin could give her. Chris seldom cried, at least not in earnest, but she did when she was dropped off. She had spent most of the afternoon sobbing into her pillow and now her eyes were puffy and raw. Her head throbbed dully and she felt ill. She was resting on her bed, physically and emotionally exhausted when the silence was broken by the sound of her phone vibrating. Someone had sent her a text message. With a groan, she flopped back onto her bed and picked up her pink Motorola Droid smart phone.

So sorry about gym! R we still OK? It was from Heather. Chris bit the inside of her lip until she tasted copper.

"No, Heath. We're no-fucking-where near OK," she said aloud to herself as she searched for words that would hurt her as much as Heather's silence did. Heather saw absolutely no problem with laughing and throwing tampons, but when it came time to back Chris up she couldn't be bothered.

Yep, we're cool. No worries. She wrote instead. They weren't OK. Chris doubted that they would ever be OK again. She had noticed Heather starting to pull away over the course of the year, but had written it off as the usual pre-college nonsense that most friends go through. Heather was always somewhat flighty, and Chris thought it would pass. You grow up with people and spend all of your time with them only to have them turn around and stab you in the back. Typical. Better to screw than be screwed – and that's exactly what they did to me. All of them.

Chris thought as her anger flared anew. It wasn't just the feeling of betrayal that ate away inside of her. She had gone toe to toe with Desjardin and lost. The worst part of it was that she was certain that the bitch would have backed down if they had all walked out together. There was no way a rookie gym teacher would have had the backbone to try and bar all of them from prom. If Desjardin folded, than Morton wouldn't follow through. As far as discipline went, he was useless. None of them did, though. Even Tina had refused to leave with her. And that is why you really shouldn't trust people. They all let you down sooner or later.

Chris had trusted them. She loved them and thought they had loved her. She had no doubt in her mind that, had their roles been reversed, she would have walked out for them. She stood and tossed her phone back onto the bed before walking over to her work-desk. Her laptop was on and she was already logged into Facebook. Chris had contemplated a mass unfriending, but had stopped short of actually doing it. Her mother always told her to wait a day before deciding to cut ties with anyone. Besides, that little voice inside of Chris's head told her it might be a good idea to err on the side of forgiveness – at least for now. Her inbox was filled with messages from Helen Shyres, Rhonda Simard and both Nikki and Lizzi. She didn't have to open them to know that they were probably going to contain the same trite, hollow apology. I'm sooo sorry Chris! Puh-leeze. I would have given up going to prom for each and every one of you, and you all know it.

There was also an email from Vicky Hanscome, which was kind of odd. Vicky was absent when the tampon incident happened, and as such was excused from Desjardin's detention. As far as Chris was concerned, there was no need for her to apologize. Maybe she's feeling left out or something? She wasn't in the mood to deal with Vicky, though. It could wait.

Jessica Upshaw hadn't bothered to reach out to her, which wasn't much of a surprise. Chris suspected that Jessie would probably murder her own parents if she thought they threatened her chances of being crowned prom queen. What was more surprising to her was that Sue hadn't contacted her at all. Sue must have known how much her inaction had hurt, and how upset she was. Chris and Sue had had their share of arguments in the past, but always made up afterwards – they were best friends after all, and that trumped petty differences. She did feel a little guilty about some of the words she exchanged with Sue, but they had to be said. Sue wasn't exactly being reasonable. Chris knew that she had a habit of over-empathizing with people, but Chris had never seen her do so regarding Carrie. It really didn't make any sense to Chris. After all, Sue was there throwing tampons and chanting with everyone else. It almost seemed as if Sue was ditching her for Carrie White. Why would she? What can Carrie give her that I can't? What went wrong? Chris was contemplating removing the photos of Sue she had tacked to the corkboard above her desk when there was a knock at her bedroom door.

"Chris?" Tina asked tentatively as she opened the door a crack. Chris's mother must have let her in. That wasn't particularly surprising; grounded or not the Hargensen's always had an open door policy for Tina. "Can I come in?"

Chris didn't answer verbally, but gestured for Tina to do so. Tina looked terrible; her hair was a mess and her eyes were bloodshot. For a second or two, Chris almost forgot how angry she was at her. Almost. Chris sat down on the bed, her eyes fixed on her friend. Tina had tried to talk to her before she left school, but Chris had ignored her. Tina was sensitive and Chris knew that must have hurt her.

"Uhh, Chris…"

"Why the hell didn't you walk out with me?" Chris cut Tina off. She was trying to keep her temper in check- and failing. "I thought you of all people would have had my back. I thought you were with me!"

"Chris, I…"

"I was worried about you, too!" Chris nearly screamed. She and Tina had known each other since they were little and were practically sisters. Chris had always thought she could count on Tina. "Miss Desjardin knew about your heart condition and she was still making you run. It was wrong and you know it! Her detention is complete bullsh…"

"SHUT UP, CHRIS!" Tina screamed. Her face flushed and tears shone in her eyes. "Would you let me get a word in, huh?"

Chris was stunned into silence. It was rare for Tina to raise her voice, let alone at her. She also couldn't remember the last time Tina had told her to shut up. She blinked vacantly at the other brunette, as they stared at each other for a moment or two. Tina sighed heavily, trying to regain her composure.

"We screwed up, Chris." Tina said in a somewhat more normal tone of voice. She was still upset, but figured it would be better to push ahead before Chris got going again. "Look, I'm not sorry about what happened to Carrie. After putting up with her for twelve years, God knows she had it coming. But we shouldn't have posted it online. I told you it wasn't a good idea. That's probably what really pissed off Desjardin. I think she would have just yelled at us if we hadn't done that. It would have been better if we just accepted our punishment."

"Teeny, I thought I could…" Chris said softly. "I mean, why didn't…"

"Stop it, Chris," Tina's voice cracked. "You know damn well I would do anything for you. You're my best friend."

"I-I know," Chris smiled faintly. "I love you too, Tina. Do you remember what I said when I dedicated one of my candles at my Sweet Sixteen to you?"

Tina did remember. Chris had dedicated a candle to her and Sue and had said that they taught her that you didn't have to be related to be sisters. A lump formed in her throat, and she wiped her eyes with the back of her arm. She did feel bad about not sticking up for Chris – for letting prom come between her and her best friend. Tina hated knowing that Chris was angry at her, and was horrified by the fact that she had let her BFF down. She and Chris were practically sisters, and sisters didn't turn their backs on each other. Chris quietly got up and hugged Tina.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you, Teen," Chris whispered to her friend. She hated seeing Tina upset, but knew she had to get her point across. "I get worked up sometimes, you know?"

Tina sniffled and nodded. Chris had lost control and she did regret it – to a point. She was right about how unfair that bitch Desjardin was and about how Carrie really did deserve to be ridiculed for acting like a complete idiot. However, she did feel terrible about her falling out with Sue. She, Sue and Tina had been inseparable since they were little, and ever since Donna Kellogg was expelled, Chris had become sensitive to the possibility of losing those she cared about. The thought of another friend slipping away from her galled her. A strange possessive feeling settled over her as she squeezed Tina just a bit tighter. Donna might have moved out of state and Sue might be pulling away, but she'd be damned if she lost Tina, too.

"I swear, the next time you need anything from me – anything at all – I'll be there for you." Tina said; her voice still thick from crying. "You're my best friend. I don't want to let you down again."

Chris gave Tina one more gentle pat on the back before breaking the hug. She was relieved that at least one of her friends was remorseful over what had happened – and Tina sounded really sincere. It was comforting to know that if there was a next time she'd have someone in her corner. The two of them chatted for a little while longer before Tina got up to leave.

"Best friends?" Tina asked; worry creeping back into her voice.

"Forever."

After Tina left, Chris set about replying to her email and Facebook messages. She was still angry, albeit much less so than before. She decided that she'd give everyone one of her rare second chances. She'd have to deal with Sue in person. Something just felt different, and Chris was worried that she might have burned a bridge she didn't intend to. She had called Sue a hypocrite and had said some less than kind things about her relationship with Tommy. She had to give it a shot, though. You don't just give up on twelve years of friendship – especially because of some snot-nosed, holier-than-thou loser. If she won't make the first move, I will. I'm not going to lose a friend over this bullshit. I don't lose. Chris was just about to email Sue when her phone rang.

"Chris, you're not gonna believe what I heard today!" Vicky didn't bother with a hello and she sounded agitated.

"Take a deep breath, Vic." Even though her mood had improved a bit, Chris still wasn't exactly in the mood for games.

"Guess who Tommy Ross is going to prom with!" Vicky was still going a mile a minute.

"Seriously?" Are you high or something? "C'mon, Red, everyone knows."

"No, you don't! And trust me, you won't believe it," Chris was starting to wonder if she even cared at this point.

"If you don't tell me, you'll never find out whether I believe it or not."

Vicky told her, and it took all of Chris's diminished self control not to hurl her phone against the wall. She wasn't seeing red – that particular cliché wasn't real – but it literally felt as though she was burning with rage. Vicky babbled on about something or other, but Chris couldn't care less. She excused herself and hung up on her friend mid sentence. She didn't believe it. She couldn't believe it. Sue wouldn't do something like that to her, would she? Why would Tommy go along with it?

Carrie White… Chris felt nauseous. This wasn't just a matter of Sue not supporting her. This was unspeakably worse. She felt as if icy hands were crushing her chest.

Was it because of what I said, or was Sue planning it all along? How could she? She wasn't just being self-righteous; she's really siding with that retardedbitch! Chris felt a scream rise in her throat, but managed to fight it back – barely. There are rules, Sue. You don't just go and do something like this! I can't believe I trusted you.

"Fine, you can have her," Chris said to no one in particular. "I hope you and the freak are happy together."

It's all Carrie's fault, Chris thought sourly. First Donna and now Sue! She always ruins everything! Whoever decided it was a good idea to mainstream that Bible-thumping idiot ought to lose their job. I hate her! It's all her fault!

Chris had thought she was all cried out. She was wrong. Weeping, she picked up her phone and dialed.

"Hey, Billy," Chris said as soon as he picked up. She felt lost and didn't want to be alone. "Are you free tonight?"

Notes: Just a short piece about Chris Hargensen's reaction to finding out Sue set Tommy and Carrie up. I wasn't happy with how Ultras turned out, so I'm reworking it. Instead I'm going to post this one and will probably post "Blood Sport" shortly. "Blood Sport" will be Desjardin-centric (a couple of people asked for one featuring her – the final chapter, "Shorts" will also focus on the gym teacher). The next two regular chapters will be "Mean" and "Loved".

If anyone would like to suggest a fate for one of the characters, feel free (some are guaranteed to live, but others are up in the air).

Thanks to BrainstormandtheThinker for all of the help!

Again, thanks for reading!

Character Notes: Heather McKenna

Age: 17 (May 4th)

Canon: Heather only shows up in the 2013 remake and is probably another version of Helen Shyres. Her personality differs a little from the 1976/2002 films and the book version of Helen. I figured I'd keep them as separate characters in order to "populate" Ewen High. I made up the last name.

Appearance: Heather is thin, and a bit taller than Chris Hargensen. She has blue eyes (somewhat more greenish than Vicky's) and long, straight red hair a shade or two lighter than Vicky's. She doesn't overdo it with make-up (but does occasionally experiment) and has nice nails (she does them herself – they're real!). Heather worries about her weight and has an eclectic taste in fashion – she'll wear everything from Haute Couture to Boho. She's the girly girl of the Ultras.

Personality: She's usually quiet and reserved (she is prone to nervous laughter). Polite – but can come across as aloof. Heather is not typically mean – at least not while on her own – but does have her moments. She's a go-along to get-along type and is sometimes uncomfortable about what the other Ultras do – especially to Carrie. Heather feels sorry for her… sometimes and viewed as one of the nicer Ultras. She gets along better with Sue and Tina than Chris (still likes Chris – just not as much as them). She doesn't like Vicky or Helen very much and thinks Chris' boyfriends are creepy. Can sometimes come across as boy-crazy and a little possessive of the guys she dates. Very intelligent and hard working – but also modest.

Background/Family: She's an only child and has two dogs. Heather has a great relationship with her parents. Her father is a businessman and her mother is a homemaker. Her mom is considered an "unofficial Ultra". Reads a lot. She was a cheerleader, but quit when her grades began to suffer. She doesn't consider herself a bully. Heather picks on Carrie in part because she's worried that if she goes against the group, she'll end up as a misfit. She did play a couple of mean jokes on Carrie in the past. She met Carrie and the others in 9th grade and is actually somewhat afraid of her (she thinks she might snap someday). Doesn't have her drivers' license yet (she flunked the road test twice). Heather hates the cold and had a crush on Tommy Ross. Heather loves nail art/make-overs etc. Her father was killed and her mother was injured while racing to the school during the disaster.

She'll probably wind up suffering the same fate as she did in the film.