Bella

Talking to Rosalie about me and Garrett's night out, Mr. Toddy's recovery and my emotional state was like mission impossible. Why? Because Garret's hand was down my underwear and his lips were pressed to my neck. It took everything I had in me not to moan into the receiver.

"So you're really okay? I just feel horrible pushing my brother off on you but the sur.."

"Rosalie its fine. Garrett is nice."

"Bella is nice." Garrett whispered in my other ear while kissing my cheek and chuckling lightly.

"Well…okay. Just remember that if you feel even a little sad I'm here. Okay?"

"I'll see you tonight. Okay? We'll have some drinks and watch man bashing movies."

"I'll order pizza."

"I'll bring chips and dip. Bye Rose."

"Bye Bella."

I turned around to look at Garrett's face. He was smiling. I pushed him away from me.

"What's wrong?"

"You almost got us caught Mister. That's what's wrong."

"You know it was fun trying to talk to Rose normally while I teased you."

"It was cruel."

"Well punish me, baby."

It's Saturday morning and so far today I've spoken to Nessie and Alice. Soothed Rosalie's guilty conscience. Had breakfast with Garret and I've also had sex with Garrett. Three times… I don't know what's come over me. It's like I'm some kind of animal that's been caged up and I've suddenly been freed. To some affect that might be true but still, I can hardly contain myself. The strangest part is that I'm not worried of what will become of us once I walk out that door. If we talk afterwards then that's great… Garrett really is nice but if this is just a Friday night and Saturday day romp then I'm okay with that too just as long as he can keep his mouth shut.

He helped me ditch my undies and then we made our way to the shower, that's where we were originally headed when Rosalie called. I told him I was going to shower and he demanded I not do it alone.

Once inside he turned on the water and then he looked back at me with a smile. Grabbing my hand he led me under the warm spray. It was refreshing already. He got somebody wash and made lather with a towel. Of course, it was men's body wash but it's better than nothing. He ran the towel across my body. Slowly and thoughtfully cleansing every part of me. He ran the towel over my breasts, making sure to greeting my nipples with his thumbs after he was done. I was going insane. He either had the magic touch or I was just extra sensitive because no matter where he touched me, my back, shoulders, stomach, etc… I always felt myself clenching with arousal.

When I was all clean he handed the towel to me and I proceeded to clean him, every square inch of him. I started with his neck and shoulders. They felt firm beneath my hands, probably because he's so built. I got down to his chest and it was the same though I couldn't resist planting a kiss on his peck. His abs were like speed bumps to my fingers and the lathered towel. They slowed me down so that I could savor the moment.

By the time I made it to his erection I wasn't really interested in washing him anymore and by the look on his face he felt like he was clean enough. He reached to get a condom from the cabinet and I sat the rag down while we stood under the spray, kissing. He massaged the little bundle of nerves between my legs, appeasing me and teasing me during the short wait.

Once he jumped back into the action I found myself being picked up. The cold tiles chilled my back when it hit it, but I didn't spend too much times complaining over that once he filled me up, making me feel like he was in my stomach. This time around there was nothing slow. He pounded into me and I grinded him with everything I had. Our bodies were competing for the prize of bliss. For one of the first times in my life I wasn't just having sex or making love… I was fucking.

He groaned out in orgasm while a satisfied smile spread across his handsome face. I followed him a few minutes later when a jolt of pure pleasure moved through me. We remained under the spray, letting the warm water rain down on us for a few minutes before sliding down into the tub and lying there. We were both too lazy to move so Garrett turned off the water with his feet. I couldn't help but laugh.

Once again, he held me. Yes, it was a wet, steamy bathtub we were laying in but it was nice, nonetheless.

"Bella, I want you to know I never do things like this."

"That's good to know. I don't either…Well; I'm newly single so of course I don't"

"Was this a mistake then? Are you having regrets?"

"No. I don't have any regrets. I feel good."

"Well, that's good. I'd hate it if you never wanted to see me again."

"You want to see me again?"

"Yeah. Even before we got drunk, rented the limo and downed ten spicy chicken sandwiches a piece I had a great time. Sorry to bring this up but, it's hard to believe anybody would want to stop being with you."

"Well, different strokes for different folks I guess."

"I guess so… tell me about your daughter."

"My world, you mean. She's about to be five and she's silly, sarcastic, very smart and very persuasive…if I might say so myself. You'd have to meet her though. One day."

"One day… Does that mean I can take you out again? This time we can just talk. No wild stuff."

"I'd like that…a lot. I know this might seem weird to say considering the fact that we are in your bathtub naked but… could we move a little slower?"

"Yes. Definitely."

"Great."

Overwhelmed, yes… a little but that isn't such a bad thing. I have a date for sometime next week and I've officially lost my divorcee virginity. Now my biggest issue is keeping this from Alice and Rosalie. I feel like they'll be way too happy and inquisitive about this. Emphasis on the happy part.

Edward

I decided to try and right a wrong. I sent Tanya a text message apologizing and explaining why we couldn't be together. Her response was bad. She sent me a text basically letting me know that she still wanted me dead. This doesn't seem like something I'll be able to resolve easily but who else can I blame?

I stayed in bed as long as I could but my stomach didn't let me stay there comfortably. When my hunger pains got too bad I got up. My head went spinning. It was three in the afternoon… I'd spent the entire day in bed.

When I got downstairs Bella was there fixing herself an omelet. I waved slightly and she returned the greeting with a tiny smile. I walked past her and I picked up on a scent. The scent of a man's cologne or body wash.

"Where were you last night?" I asked before I could control myself.

"Out."

She's moved on…she's slept with another man. My perfect Bella have been sullied. What am I talking about; she's not even my Bella anymore. I missed out on that chance.

My father's pep talk roused me up for a few hours yesterday but every time it does reality sets in and I remember that I ruined my life. If I weren't scared to venture into the fucked up part of town I'd go there and get some drugs to take my mind off things.

"Do I know him?" I asked again, before I could control my tongue.

"No. Please, don't torture yourself Edward."

"I deserve to torture myself Bella. You remember how we used to be?"

"Edward. Please don't do this to yourself."

"Tell me it isn't too late."

"I won't lie to you. It's too late Edward. I've told you this. Don't make things hard, okay?"

"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry."

"I accept your apology but I'm still not taking you back."

"Couldn't we start over?"

"There isn't a slate clean enough for us to start on Edward. Please... just accept the fact that it's over Edward."

That's what she tells me to do, what my father tells me to do, what everyone says I should do but I just can't. I'm miserable without her in my life. I just wish I didn't have emotions. What happened to the time when she didn't matter to me and when I didn't care about her? At least I didn't care as deeply as I care now. I miss those days when nothing could touch me. No pain, no heartache just pleasure. Those days seem so far away. It's hard to believe it's only been about a year since my self destruction process started.