Katie glared. She hoped that her look would hold enough venom to discourage the blonde in front of her, but apparently Naomi was stupider than she thought.
"I'm not going to tell Emily," Naomi finally said.
"Fucking right you're not going to tell her! Because nothing fucking happened! Got it?" Katie crossed her arms tightly and glared even harder. She'd just about convinced herself of that by the time she'd woken up the morning after it had happened. She liked Cook. She was practically dating Cook. They'd fucked for longer. They'd both come. That meant it counted more and it sure as fuck cancelled out any stupid mistakes from earlier that evening.
"Katie," Naomi sighed.
"No! Don't fucking Katie me! Naomi nothing happened," Katie hated the way that her voice had turned from strong to almost pleading. "Nothing at all. You didn't see anything happening when you walked into the room. Ok?"
Naomi studied Katie for a minute and Katie couldn't help feeling like she was under a microscope. Finally Naomi nodded and Katie breathed out a sigh of relief.
"Now will you let me up to my room please?" Katie demanded.
Naomi stepped to the side to let Katie pass. "You can talk to me. If you ever want," Naomi called over her shoulder.
Katie froze at the top of the stairs, the word "thanks" on the tip of her tongue, but she just couldn't, so a second later she kept walking.
Naomi didn't bother her again.
Katie didn't talk to her. Why did she need to? Nothing had happened.
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Effy couldn't understand why staying gone was proving so difficult. Normally it was something she excelled at. So why was it that she had to force herself to turn and walk the other way when she saw Katie in the hallways at college rather than lingering to watch her? Why did she have to remind herself to stay mute on the rare occasions when they crossed paths in the loos when she longed to just check to make sure that Katie was alright? She knew she had no right to. Her asking would only do more damage than she'd already done. And Katie, for her part, seemed to have no trouble pretending that Effy didn't exist.
Effy never once looked up to find Katie so much as sideways glancing at her in class. They never locked eyes in the hallway. Effy could tell that as far as Katie was concerned, she'd fallen off the face of the planet. It was probably for the best.
Despite her temptation to check up on the small brunette, two weeks passed without incident. She'd promised she'd stay gone, so she would. She owed Katie that much.
Still it was difficult, and more infuriating, was that she didn't understand why it was so hard. Why did she care? She knew what Naomi thought. The pointed stares that she would occasionally receive from the blonde at school made it all too obvious. But it just wasn't possible. Katie was just...interesting to her. She elicited guilt in Effy which was interesting because no one else made her feel that. That was all. And worry. Katie made her worry. Which was odd because, apart from when Tony was recovering from getting hit by a bus, she'd never been a worrier.
Clearly events in the bedroom had simply been pent up frustration on her side and...temporary insanity on Katie's. She'd ended up having to finish herself off before she'd been able to fall asleep that night, slipping a hand into her still soaked knickers and rubbing harshly against her own clit, the vodka coursing through her system, taking away any inhibitions she might have had about imagining haunting brown eyes and slender and surprisingly adept fingers that vanish far too soon. She'd come in mere minutes. She'd more or less drunk herself to sleep every night since.
Three weeks since that night and she had to get out of her house. Her mother simply looked through her, and when she'd tried to get her mother's attention by snatching the bottle of gin on the table in front of her, her mum had grabbed it back, then flung it against the wall, narrowly missing Effy. She wasn't scared. She wasn't upset. She was simply suffocating in her house, in her mother's presence, and in her own mind.
Effy'd heard about a party. Party equalled booze and an excuse to leave her house so she'd gone.
It wasn't her night. Freddie cornered her less than an hour after she got there, apparently past the quiet sulking phase of their breakup. He was looking for a confrontation, that if Effy was honest with herself, she couldn't be bothered to have. He didn't evoke any emotion in her anymore: real or imagined.
"You look nice tonight," Freddie snarled sarcastically.
Effy didn't bother to respond. Her mask was firmly in place, but her makeup was underdone for a change. She hadn't taken the time to make much of an effort in her appearance in her rush to get out of her house.
"You know, you could at least still have the decency to talk to me. I fucking loved you," Freddie growled and she could smell the alcohol heavy on his breath. As familiar as she was with the stench of alcohol, his breath made her nauseous.
"You thought you loved me Freddie," she replied with false sweetness and an ironic smile.
Freddie glared. "You're such a fucking bitch. You just fuck people over for the fun of it. You know that?" he snapped at her.
Effy gazed away, feigning boredom. The truth was his words actually cut through. Not because of him, but because her eyes locked on Katie's from across the room. The brunette had just entered, Cook on her arm.
"You'll never love anyone and no one will ever love you," Freddie spat as his parting blow before slinking off to sulk somewhere else.
"I know," Effy murmured to herself, Freddie already forgotten as the brown eyes across the room widened then narrowed. In an instant they were gone and Effy watched with clenched teeth as Katie turned a broad grin on Cook who was whispering in her ear. She laughed lightly, Effy obviously forgotten. Cook grinned back, throwing and arm around her and pulling her in for a kiss. There was no missing the spark between them. Effy turned as bile rose in her throat, thoughts of partying forgotten from her brain. She found the back door, finding herself trapped by a tall hedge. She looked for a patch with the least vegetation, ignoring two already boisterously drunk blokes who seemed to think that wolf-whistles and lame pick-up lines were the way to go about attracting a mate. She pushed her way through the hedge, ignoring the scrapes at her face and exposed legs. She found herself on a small lane and she started walking, no destination in mind.
Rain started to patter down around her unnoticed even as it saturated her hair and dripped down her spine. She walked down street after street, some familiar, some not. She walked until her calves burned and the rain had chilled her so much that she was shivering from head to toe. She let her feet take her where they wanted, letting the rain wash over her, washing away whatever it was that Katie made her feel. There was no point in it. In any of it.
She looked up and saw a familiar house. Not that she'd ever gone inside, but she'd walked past before, met the twins outside of it so they could walk to a party together. Back in the past. Before rocks and "love" triangles. Before everything had become fucked beyond repair.
She couldn't stop the tears that trickled down her face. She didn't know why they fell and she could barely differentiate them from the rain drops that slapped against her face the slid down, dropping off her chin. She shivered slightly more violently, but for the first time that night she felt a little bit like she could breathe easily.
It wouldn't harm anybody, she decided, to just sit for a while. She walked up the path and leaned against the wall, sliding down it until she was sitting there, knees tucked under her chin as the rain continued to pelt down on her. Katie would be at the party for a while. She'd probably fucking go home with Cook anyway. Emily and Naomi were probably there too, or off at Naomi's. Either way, nobody would find her. She wasn't really breaking her vow to disappear, to leave Katie alone.
She sat there, huddled around herself, though her slender frame provided no warmth compared to the bitter cold of the wind and the rain. She ignored the cold though. It was irrelevant too really. Nothing was relevant. Nothing was real. She stared out into the blackness of the night, trying not to feel, listening to the pitter patter of the raindrops slapping against the pavement, plopping into puddles, and running off the roof. She let it overwhelm her as she crossed her arms on top of her knees and laid her had on them. She stayed like that, unaware of the passage of time or the shivering of her body. She felt like she was waiting for something, but she had no idea what.
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Katie was more than happy pretending that Effy Stonem didn't exist. She ignored her completely and instead focused on Cook or, when he wasn't around, on Emily, or even Naomi. She couldn't keep the shudder out of her body when they'd cross paths though. Effy, for her part, seemed to be keeping her distance finally. About fucking time, Katie thought.
Katie excelled in denial. Cook turned out to be an extremely useful crutch. More than that, Katie really did enjoy his company. Especially when they were away from everyone else and he would put away the macho facade that he tended to parade around and he showed that he really could be sweet and caring.
Katie had fucked him with a sense of urgency for a few days after the party, but after that things had mellowed and she'd stopped seeing flashes of piercing blue eyes as she'd come. She'd felt less of the need to erase what had happened because she felt it had already been erased. Most of the time. Until she caught sight of the tall lanky brunette slipping around a corner walking away from her. Or until she had to sit in class with the girl. Then unwanted memories flooded back and unwelcome curiosity infiltrated her mind.
Cook, it had turned out, was magnificent with his tongue and Katie definitely enjoyed it when he went down on her. It added a whole new dimension to their sex lives. She ignored the one time that she'd imagined it was deep blue eyes gazing up from between her legs rather than greenish grey ones. It was added to the list of events that never happened.
Cook became her boyfriend. Officially. By his own admission. It had made her smile and feel warm and fuzzy inside. Emily had frowned disapprovingly when Katie'd told her but hadn't said anything and seemed to be at least somewhat happy for her as the days progressed. Naomi had raised an eyebrow, given her a pointed look, but wisely kept schtum as well. She really hadn't told Emily anything, much to Katie's surprise.
Cook took her out on weekends, and while they still ended up at crazy house parties where Cook had more of a tendency to go a little mental, but he had started taking her to dinner first as well. Or at least cooking for her. It turned out he wasn't just good at making breakfast foods.
She made it three whole weeks before her eyes met Effy's again and the shiver that ran through her was uncontrollable.
"Have I told you how extremely fuckable you're looking tonight babes? It's a fucking shame I've got work in the morning or I would be taking you home to satisfy your every need over and over again all night," Cook whispered softly in her ear, and she could see the grin on his face without having to look at him. Just like that Effy's spell was broken.
She laughed. She had to. Cook really was rather amusing. She turned to him and he grinned at her and kissed her and she forgot all about the other guests at the party. She was there to have fun with Cook. And she did.
They didn't stay too late though. Cook was kind enough to give her some money and call her a taxi because of the rain. She kissed him goodbye and rode home, watching the rain run down the windows, glad that she didn't have to walk. She felt the most at peace that she had in months.
Katie froze when she made out the small hunched figure by her door, forgetting that she'd been trying to hurry to get out of the rain. She recognised the figure when she took a few tentative steps closer and she felt her chest constrict. Suddenly she wanted to run from her own house. Except Effy didn't respond. Didn't even look up. The only sign that she was alive even was the intense shivering that was wracking through the girl's slender frame.
"Shit," Katie growled. She shook her head. She couldn't believe what she was about to do. She wasn't heartless though. As much as she wished she could just leave Effy out in the rain, it wasn't in her. She hurried to the girl's side and tugged harshly at her arm.
Effy looked up in surprise.
"Fucking come on, then," Katie snapped. Katie dragged Effy up by her arm and tugged her into the house. "Fuck, you're dripping fucking everywhere," Katie moaned. "Look, just stay there for a second. And take off your shoes!" Katie instructed, sliding her feet out of her own shoes as she did so. She raced up the stairs as quietly as she could, slipped out of her own now wet clothes and tugged on some dry pyjamas before grabbing a dry towel out of a cupboard and then returned to Effy. She wrapped the towel around the still shivering, completely sodden girl. She led the now shoeless girl up the stairs and into the bathroom. She started to run the girl a hot bath.
"Come on. We'll get you warmed up," Katie sighed.
She helped Effy tug off her soaking sweater and top that seemed much more interested in clinging to the girl's slender body. Katie didn't need to remind herself not to look. There was nothing she wanted to see. She was too focused on being frustrated that this girl was somehow back in her life once again. On top of that, she was somehow now in her fucking house. This couldn't really be happening. Katie turned her back so that Effy could finish undressing. "I'll be back in a bit," she informed the brunette before leaving the room.
She slipped out of the bathroom and into her own bedroom. Only once the door was closed did she feel like she could breathe properly again. She took a few deep breaths. "I can do this. I'm a bigger person than she is. She's not going to hit me with a rock again." Just to be safe, Katie did a quick sweep around her room, checking for anything that she thought Effy might potentially use as a weapon and tucking it away under her bed or in the closet.
"What the fuck are you thinking?" she asked herself aloud. How could she be so stupid as to invite Effy Stonem into her house. Effy didn't give a shit about her. Effy probably wouldn't have returned the favour if their roles were reversed. Still, Katie knew she wouldn't turn Effy away. She didn't know why, but the brunette still held some sway over her.
Katie closed her eyes and breathed deeply, trying to convince herself that she wasn't losing her sanity. She considered texting Cook, but realised that he was probably asleep by now. "Fuck," she muttered to herself. She really didn't like this. She tried unsuccessfully to slow her racing heart as she picked out pyjamas for Effy to wear. She went back to the bathroom, stopping to grab another dry towel as she went, and knocked tentatively.
"Come in," a small voice replied and it sounded so unlike Effy that for a moment Katie was startled.
Katie opened the door and slipped into the bathroom, not looking at Effy, simply holding out the towel for her. She wrapped it around the girl, ignoring that her arms were wrapped around Effy's still shivering form. "Dry off. Here are some clothes." Katie said as she closed the toilet lid and set the clothes down on them. I'm going to put your old clothes in the dryer," Katie informed her, aware that the brunette's eyes were burning into her, but unwilling to meet the gaze. She stooped down and picked up the sopping wet clothes, rung them out briefly in the sink and left again.
By the time she'd made it back upstairs, Effy was standing awkwardly in the middle of her bedroom.
"You can take Emily's bed," Katie instructed. She was about to point out which it was, but Effy moved to it before she could. Of course. She fucking sees everything, so of course she knows which bed is Emily's. Katie couldn't help her bitter thoughts.
"Thanks," Effy murmured softly.
It still didn't sound like Effy. Not really. It sounded much closer to the broken Effy that she'd encountered in that bedroom weeks ago. It was enough to make Katie finally look up. She was surprised to find the girl in front of her looking extremely unassuming. In fact Effy looked really young and small and almost innocent for once. It caught Katie completely off-guard.
"You're welcome," Katie replied sincerely before remembering that she hated the girl across from her. "Right well. Like, get some sleep or something right? It's late," Katie muttered, turning off her light and climbing into bed, facing away from Effy.
Katie heard the rustling of blankets across the room and knew that Effy was climbing into her sister's bed. They lay there in silence but Katie found that she couldn't sleep. She was too on edge. She rolled over to face Effy, who it turned out was facing the far wall. She watched as the girl continued to shiver even under the blankets.
"For fuck's sake!" Katie grumbled, climbing out of her bed. "Move over you stupid cow."
"What are you doing?" Effy looked around at her in surprise.
"It wouldn't look good if you fucking freeze to death in my house, now, would it?" Katie pointed out, slipping into bed with Effy. She was momentarily shocked to find the tension in her own body mirrored in Effy's as she wrapped an arm around her trying to work her up. "Don't get any ideas or anything, right? I still fucking hate you." Katie needed to make sure that Effy knew that.
"I know," Effy replied, voice barely above a whisper.
"And I know you hate me and this is all probably some other attempt to fuck with my brain," Katie continued, feeling an urge to fill the awkward silence between them.
Effy didn't reply to that, but Katie didn't need her confirmation to know it was true.
"But we're just going to sleep and you're not going to hit me with anything as we do so, right?" Katie hated that she really almost needed confirmation on this fact.
She felt more than heard a soft chuckle emanate from the brunette. It sounded strained though. "I won't hurt you, Katie."
Effy's words sent a shiver down her spine. They somehow sounded more weighted, more meaningful. "Right. Well...Goodnight," Katie muttered.
"Goodnight," Effy replied.
Katie felt the girl's shivers finally slow and then stop as she held her, and she started to feel the tension draining away. She was almost asleep when she thought she heard Effy murmur, "I don't hate you, Katie. I hate me." Then again, maybe it was only a dream.
Effy was gone when Katie woke up in the morning. Katie couldn't help feeling relieved, but at the same time, she felt a bit upset. For the life of her, she didn't know why.