Life: 2.0
Chapter 10: Sink or Swim
Author: knowhere
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Nothing.
AN: Thank you to all the readers and especially those who take the time to review! I really appreciate it. I hope you've been enjoying the Chapter Notes as well.
Anyways, I haven't updated as fast as I have been because I've been struggling a bit with writing chapter 14 and 15. I've made some progress so I think it's okay to post this one. Enjoy!
Summary: Literati. Life doesn't always turn out like you expect. Jess and Rory meet as adults when their lives are at a transition period. Life, love, and everything else: Version 2.0. AU.
"Hey Mom," Rory slipped out of the car while Lorelai ran down the driveway to engulf her in a tight hug.
"Honey!" They embraced and Jess watched silently from behind the wheel. He took a deep breath to calm his emotions. He was…nervous. He hadn't been nervous since he brought Gabe to live with him, and before that? Hell, the only time Jess Mariano had been truly nervous was the night he lost his virginity to a girl in high school who had been two years older than him. And even then he didn't feel the urge to turn tail and run like he did now.
"Gabe?" He reached back and shook awake his brother. "We're here."
"Huh?" Gabe came to, groggily rubbing his eyes. "That stuff really knocks me out."
Jess smirked. "Better that than you puking all over my car."
"This is it?" Gabe looked around.
"I guess. Hey, be good, okay?" Jess practically begged.
"What do you mean? I'm always good."
"Yeah, right," Jess scoffed. "Please. Don't screw this up with Rory's mom, okay?"
Gabe got a funny look in his eyes. "You really like her, don't you?"
Jess wanted to brush it off, deny it, anything, but what came out was a soft, "Yes."
Gabe nodded.
"Grab the potatoes and cranberry sauce, will you?" Jess opened the car door when he saw Rory leading her mom towards him.
"Jess, this is my mom, Lorelai. Mom, this is Jess." Rory paused and then smiled, tacking on, "My boyfriend."
Jess couldn't help but smile back at her and for a moment, all he saw was Rory. There was no mother to meet, no brother who would potentially embarrass him, nothing but Rory. "Lorelai. Hello."
Lorelai squinted as if sizing him up. "Very cute."
Jess shuffled his feet, looking down. "Uh, thanks."
Rory's mom squared her shoulders as if preparing a speech, and Jess's inside clenched. "Do you come from a large family?" she asked.
"No," he shook his head. "Both my parents were only children. We have some distant relatives somewhere, but no one we have reunions with."
"That must have been hard to deal with all that by yourself."
He shifted, uncomfortable. What could he say? Yeah, life just sucks sometimes but there was no one to complain to. "We got through it."
She paused and then the questions really came. "Tell me, Jess, ever been married?"
"No."
"Close?"
"No."
"Have you ever contracted an STD?"
Jess could hardly hold back his laughter. Lorelai Gilmore didn't pull any punches. "No."
"Mom!" Rory's face flamed bright.
Lorelai continued as if she hadn't heard her daughter and Jess kept eye contact. "Will you be getting married?"
"Not at this moment, no."
"But are you planning to?"
Jess barely leashed the instinct to look over at Rory. "In the future, if I meet the right woman, sure."
"And do you prefer boxers or briefs?"
Jess smirked. "Why don't you ask your daughter? She's well acquainted with my underwear choice."
As if it were even possible, Jess saw Rory's face go even redder and he also sensed that she had the urge to wallop him.
"Ugh, gross." Jess heard Gabe come up behind him. "And the answer is boxers-briefs."
Jess rolled his eyes when Lorelai lit up in a smile. "Gabe, this is Rory's mom. Lorelai, my brother Gabriel."
"Hi Gabriel."
Gabe nodded. "Can I use your bathroom?"
"Sure, come on everyone, let's get Thanksgiving on the road!"
They followed, one by one, like baby ducks trailing after the mother. Jess brought up the rear and tugged on Rory's arm when they stepped onto the porch. "She already hates me, doesn't she?"
She shook her head. "No. In fact, good job with the banter. Mom loves a person who can toss a conversation back and forth. But I could have done without that underwear remark."
Jess smirked. "Why? Your mom doesn't know you have sex?"
"Behave," she smacked his chest.
He caught it before she could retreat and brought her hand up to his lips, laying a heated kiss to the center of the palm. "Funny, I just said that to Gabe."
"No, I can't. I'm stuffed." Jess refused the offer of another burrito.
Rory hid her smile behind her glass and silently added another check in the plus column for Jess. He had taken the Thanksgiving dinner with her mom in stride, not even blinking at the very weird and eclectic spread. In typical Lorelai fashion, her mom had laid out not only the traditional Thanksgiving turkey and trimmings fare, but had also included burritos and tacos, sesame chicken and lettuce wraps, beef curry, Korean short-ribs and kimchi, quiches, and corned beef just for good measure.
"Mom? Do you mind if I take Jess and Gabe and showed them around?" Rory felt like they had endured enough Lorelai in one sitting and deserved a break since nobody had upped and declared her mother crazy during the meal.
"Sure. I promised Sookie I'd pop by her place anyways. I'll see you guys later."
Rory took Jess's hand without thinking twice and gestured to Gabe towards the door. "Let's escape while we can," she whispered conspiratorially.
Once they got outdoors Rory noticed that Gabe was two steps ahead of them, his head wandering back and forth as he took in the scenery. "Do you think he's bored?"
Jess ducked his head to steal a kiss and it made her go gooey and warm inside. "I'm sure he is. He gets bored quickly."
"I feel bad for dragging you guys here."
"It's alright. You can make it up to me later." He playfully leered at her.
Rory rolled her eyes. "I meant Gabe, not you."
"Well, at least you can make it up to one of the Marianos. Settle for what you can get."
They walked along and came to a park, Rory steered Jess towards the bridge she was always particularly fond of. "I came here a lot when I was younger."
He sat unexpectedly, dangling his feet of her edge and pulled her down with him. "It's nice here."
Rory swung her head around, suddenly concerned. "Where did he go?"
"Probably off wandering around. It's all right. He can handle himself." Rory watched as Jess took in the peaceful surroundings. "This is a really quiet place."
"Yeah."
"It's beautiful." His gaze landed her on and she fought the urge to blush. "But it doesn't seem very exciting."
Rory laughed. That was a very polite way of putting it. "Stars Hollow can be predictable and boring."
"Did it ever bother you?"
She was going to answer with a throwaway answer; something flip and witty but she stopped and really considered the question. "Yeah, kinda." She almost felt ashamed to admit it.
"Really?" he sounded surprised.
She nodded. "When I was growing up, I guess I wanted more excitement. Stars Hollow isn't really the place for that. Everything is closed up by nine and people are in bed by ten."
He seemed to think about that for a moment. "You don't seem the type to like this," he said.
"What do you mean?"
"It's not that I don't think you wouldn't fit in well, but you seem to always be looking for more underneath."
Rory gave pause. She had always wanted more out of life but was afraid of it at the same time. And here was a man that she was only beginning to know who was able to ferret out her deepest secret. She had always been happy in Stars Hollow and with her life, but some part of her always seemed to be longing for more. More excitement, more thrills, more everything. "I'm happy with my life," is what she said instead.
"Oh, no doubt. I don't think you're unhappy." He trailed off and put his arm around her. "It's just sometimes I look at you when you're sleeping and you look like you're dreaming of big things." He ducked his head, looking embarrassed.
She was oddly very flattered by it. "Really?"
"Yeah. Like you're waiting for your big adventure."
She never thought about it, but maybe she was. Maybe that idea of a big adventure was what kept her dreaming. And dreams…that's what kept a person going, right? The dream of something bigger. Of something better off in the sunset. That something was just around the corner in her life. That she was standing on the cusp of something beyond her imaginations. Sounded corny, but true.
"He's cute."
Rory beamed. "He is, isn't he?"
Her mom looked around. "Where is he, anyways?"
"They went into Hartford for some clothes shopping. Apparently Gabe grew out of his pants already."
"His idea?"
Rory nodded. After they came back from their walk, Jess pulled her aside and said that he would give her some alone time with her mom. "They'll be back in two hours or so."
"So, tell me about him."
"Uh oh, you have your serious face on." Rory knew her mom might act like she was still a child, but when she wanted to settle in for a real talk, she got a certain look in her eyes.
"Rory," Lorelai began softly, "I can see you really being with him."
"And?"
"And there's something different about this one, right?"
Rory shifted, a little uncomfortable under the scrutiny of her mother. She feared hearing something she didn't want to know or recognize from her mom. Her mom always had the uncanny knack of pinning down her boyfriends and guessing within the month when it would end.
And Rory remembered how it had been with Logan. Her mom hadn't approved. Oh, she was nice enough when Rory brought her to meet Logan at a fancy restaurant, but one look at Logan and Lorelai pulled her aside, saying that it wouldn't work. When Logan had proposed and Rory said yes, she didn't tell her mom for two weeks, afraid of what she would say. Fortunately, when Logan had broken things off, Lorelai hadn't said a word. The only thing she did was hold her daughter when Rory suddenly showed up on the doorstep, in tears and in pain.
"What do you think about Jess?" Rory asked, hesitant of the answer.
Her mom shrugged one shoulder, the coffee in her cup sloshing to one side. "He's a little intense at times but he seems like he can take a joke. Good banter," she smiled. "You know how I like the banter."
Rory giggled. "I know. He's quick on the draw."
"A bit of bad boy, you know?" her mom squinted into the setting sun. "Ever see him in leather?"
Rory shook her head, not answering one way or another. She had seen a leather jacket hanging in Jess's closet but he hadn't worn it yet. Rory got an overload of 'sexiness' just by smelling the scene of leather in the closet, she would probably be in estrogen overload if he ever actually wore it.
"He likes you, honey. I know that."
She paused. "Really?"
"Really." Her mom sat down next to her. "Are you ready for that? Because I get the feeling that once a guy like Jess falls, he'll fall hard. And he won't settle for just a piece of your heart. He'll want it all."
"It," Rory didn't quite know what to say. "It doesn't sound so bad. Loosing my heart to someone like Jess."
Lorelai shook her head. "You won't be loosing your heart. He'll want to take it."
"Mom, he sees me. Does that make sense? He sees a part of me that I didn't even see myself. He just told me that he feels like I'm always waiting for an adventure."
Lorelai nodded. "You always were more comfortable being complacent."
That stopped her dead. Did everyone get that feeling about her? "What do you mean?"
"I mean you're afraid of change. Remember when Dean said he loved you? You worried about how to say it back instead of worrying if you really even loved him in the first place."
Rory frowned. She hadn't thought about it like that. At the time, she was simply worried about how to say it. When she heard Dean say it, she automatically felt required to say it back. Like a parrot.
"And when Logan proposed, you were just so used to being with him. After being his girlfriend for three years, you just accepted his proposal because to you, it seemed like the logical thing to do. Move a step forward, right?"
Rory nodded. What was she? Transparent to everyone?
"Rory," her mom went to clasp her hand. "If you're going to get involved with a man like Jess, make sure you're ready."
"Ready for what?"
"Jess is like the conqueror. A little bit like a thief, but if he can't steal your heart piece by piece, he'll just take it. He won't be happy if you keep secrets or hold yourself back from him. If he's going to trust you, he'll expect it back. Fully. And then what will you have left?" Lorelai looked into her eyes. "You said that he sees you. That scares you, doesn't it?"
Rory nodded. As wonderful as he was, it scared her that he saw something inside her. She was still figuring out her life by herself. What would happen when he figured it out before her?
"He's not going to be an easy man to be with. Not like your past boyfriends. Logan and Dean were happy when you told them you were happy. That was enough for them. But Jess…that boy won't settle for the surface. He'll want what's underneath." Her mom paused as if she was weighing the consequence of her words. "There's something else about him."
"What do you mean?"
"Not sure. Something beneath all his confidence that hints at insecurities."
Rory didn't understand what her mom was trying to say. "I don't understand."
She shrugged. "Me neither." Her mom shook her head as if dislodging the idea and returned with a bright smile, her weird statement forgotten. "Nothing. Forget I said anything." She pointed out onto the driveway. "There's your boy now. It takes a brave man to brave the Thanksgiving shopping crowds."
"Thanks again for coming today," she said with a small smile.
"No problem." Jess tried to catch her eyes. "Hey, you okay?" Rory had been quiet during the trip home, looking as if she was deep in thought.
"Yeah."
Jess wondered for a moment, worried that maybe Rory had heard when Gabe had called Lorelai 'mentally imbalanced.' He had meant it as a joke, but maybe Rory hadn't found it funny. "Are you sure? Was it something that I said? Or maybe Gabe?"
She swung her head around. "Why would you think that?"
"Nothing. It's just that sometimes Gabe says things that can be taken out of context."
"Why? Did he say something?"
He shook his head. If she hadn't heard, better not mention it. He could tell that Rory was close to her mom and he wasn't sure how much teasing she could take. "No, nothing."
"Well," she looked around, fiddling with her house keys. "I hope you had a nice time. Mom liked you."
He tried not to roll his eyes. He wanted to ask, really? "It was nice to finally meet her." Though Lorelai had managed to pull him aside before they left to give him a lecture on birth control. As if he were some crazed teenager who couldn't think with his big head to remember to cover the little head.
"This was the first time I've ever brought a boy home for Thanksgiving."
"What about your ex?"
She shook her head. "I went to his parents."
Jess felt like standing a little taller now that he knew that Rory had never brought home another man. "Not even when you were younger?"
"Not really. Nothing like this."
"Was it what you expected?"
"It was…insightful," she said.
He wondered for a moment what she meant by that but she cut off his thoughts as she stood on her tiptoes and kissed him. He only felt his arms filled with warmth and Rory as he kissed her back, telling her in the only way he could how much she meant to him.
Rory heard the silent whoosh of the door opening and even without opening her eyes, she knew that Jess was undressing and getting ready to get into bed with her. "I've been waiting for you."
He smiled and she could make out the flash of white in the dark. "I had some work to finish up. Plus I had all those leftovers you mom insisted I take home. I had to pack them all up. I don't think I have any Tupperware left."
Mom had shoved container after container into Jess's arms, saying that she didn't know how much she ordered and that it would all go to waste if he didn't take it with him.
She was quiet, lost in her own mind. Jess tapped her shoulder, his brows lowered in questioning. "Are you sure you're okay?" he asked.
"Do I look not okay?" She sat up, taking the covers with her.
He stripped and slid into bed. "You were quiet on the way home. Actually, you were quiet ever since we took that walk around the town. Are you missing home? Or your mom?"
No. She was still thinking about how he had nailed her inner desire for something more. "I was just thinking."
He lay down and encouraged her to rest her head on his chest. She felt him sifting lazy fingers through her hair. He encountered a tangle and she winced. "Sorry." He dropped his arm down to rest parallel along her back. "What were you thinking about?"
"Remember what you said about me and waiting for the adventure?"
"On the bridge? Yeah." He paused and looked down at her. "Sorry; was that out of line?"
"No, no." She propped her chin up on his sternum. "It wasn't. It was so right it scared me."
He took her chin in his palm and she felt his callused fingers brush along the apple of her cheek. "Scared you?"
"Because you see me."
He looked confused and his eyes crinkled at the corners. "Why would that scare you?"
Because it was happening fast. Because she didn't want to be hurt again. Because she was afraid that she felt more for him than he did for her. Because her insecurities were just running rampant. Instead, she shook her head and leaned in to kiss him.
She could feel him wanting to pull back, to stop, but she couldn't let him. She didn't want him to see her so vulnerable with her heart potentially on the line again.
Jess felt the need in Rory's kiss and even if she didn't say it in words, he felt her.
He guided her and rolled on top of her, needing without knowing the reason why to dominate and to be her man. He needed her to feel safe with him. Safe to give up her body and her heart to him. He wanted Rory to know that she would be cherished and treasured.
He swept a trembling hand down her chest, his head dropping down to take a pert nipple into his mouth. "You're so beautiful," he whispered.
He cupped and plumped, shaping her breast and marveling at the way it fit so well into his palm. She wasn't large-breasted, but he liked her bubble-gum pink nipples. He took the other one into his mouth, tasting and running the tip of his tongue around and around until she arched and gasped his name, a breathless cry that went straight to his groin.
He jerked when he felt her take his arousal in hand. Jess bucked and groaned into her kiss when she slid her hand up and down, twisting her hand at the top. "Harder, baby. I won't break."
"Like this?" Her breath was hot against his cheek.
His hand came on top of hers, guiding her. "Yeah, just like that." He let go, letting her find her own rhythm. After a few strokes, he bit his lip, fighting hard to hold back. "No. Stop. I don't wanna come like this."
She pulled him up for a kiss, her mouth aggressive on his, surprising him. He let her control the play for the time being, her tongue sweeping into his, her hands roaming across his back, settling on his ass. She pushed him down as she pressed up, her core hot and wet against him. He tried to suck in a breath, feeling her nibble down his clavicle to his nipple.
"Jess." She tugged at his hair. "I want to feel you. Now."
He wanted to protest; wanted to feast on her for hours, watch the play and flex of her muscles as she got excited but he could also understand her urgency to just feel him inside her. He wanted that too. He wanted to fill her like no man ever had. He wanted her to forget about all her past lovers and just remember him. "Let me play a little more, baby."
She squirmed against his thigh and he could feel her wetness. "No, now."
Jess couldn't refuse. He liked seeing an aggressive Rory. He bucked off the covers off his back and tossed them onto the floor. In the moonlight, her skin was translucent, glowing with a vitality that was essentially Rory. He had to taste her, just to feel her against him. His hands went to hold her hips steady as he kissed up her inner thigh. When he reached the apex, he breathed her in, pulling her into his lungs. His touch was soft at first, letting her get used to the feeling and when she arched up into his hold, he delved in.
She moaned as he kissed her, nibbled her, worshiped her. And when he wouldn't take any more, with her taste filling his every sense, he rolled on a condom and thrust into her welcoming heat. "Rory…"
He felt like he was pitching forward, and he knelt, his arms supporting her back while she was spread out for his pleasure. Her legs came up to enclose him tightly as she hugged him, pulling him down. "Yeah, just like this."
Rory heaved a heavy sigh and felt Jess breathing behind her, his chest plastered to her back, his arms tight around her, his legs entwined around her own. She thought back to the afternoon. Her mom was right. Jess was right. She was waiting for something. Something exciting. And yes, her mom had hit her dead on. She was always more comfortable with complacency.
In the past, no change meant something good. Don't rock the boat because there might be a danger of drowning. That's what she had always feared. But maybe it wasn't drowning. Maybe it was just swimming. And Rory could swim. She was finding swimming very appealing. If Jess was whom she was swimming towards.
If he wanted to steal her heart, let him come, she thought. It wouldn't be so bad. She had a feeling that Jess was a very capable conqueror. Jess made a snuffling sound from behind and squirmed closer to her. She sighed again. Very appealing indeed…
AN: In case you missed my (big) change about Jess's relatives, I explain more in the Notes. There was something very sweet and sentimental about this chapter. An insight into how Rory reacts to life. Something that Lorelai said to Rory will play a part in future chapters...more about that in the Chapter Notes!