A/N: Hello everyone,

just a short A/N today. Still sick and stuff :(

Here comes chapter 8 - which leaves us with one more chapter after this one.

And and epilogue.

Thanks for sticking with me and this story - I know it's pretty sad.

I'm curious about your reactions to the events of this chapters...if you have a minute please let me know.

Much love to everyone! xo

MY HEART IS BROKEN
Chapter 8

Regina and Ruby stood there for a long time, staring at the spot where the bug had disappeared round the corner.

Part of Regina had hoped against hope that Emma would turn around, that she would come back.

But of course she had not.

"Regina, what have you done?"

Ruby finally broke the silence, eyeing her in disbelief.

"I let her go", she admitted weakly.

"But why?"

Regina forced herself to meet Ruby's questioning gaze, "Because sometimes...if you really love someone...you have to let them go."

The leggy brunette shook her head vehemently, "I don't believe this...Regina, I always knew that you are a complicated person...maybe even a little crazy...but I never...I never took you for a coward."

With that she turned around and headed off into the direction of the diner – she had a shift to finish after all.

Regina stood there, dumbstruck and confused, but it took her only a second to get out of her stupor and she ran straight after her friend, "Ruby, wait! What do you mean?"

Ruby had ignored her all the way back to the diner, but now that Regina was sitting in the booth in the corner, the waitress had to talk to her – at least to take her order.

And once Ruby put her coffee in front of her Regina grabbed her arm and forced her to sit down, "Talk to me, Ruby...what did you mean?"

The pleading expression in Regina's eyes had Ruby cave instantly and she slid into the booth opposite from Regina, "All this time...you've been hoping and praying that Emma would come back...don't even try to deny it. You wanted nothing, but a second chance...everyone knows it...and now she was here...right in front of you...and all you would have needed to do...was to reach out and grab her hand...and you let her go...again. Why, Regina...why?"

"Because I'm a mess and you know it!" Regina yelled and ducked her head.

Thankfully the diner was almost empty, but her cheeks flushed in embarrassment anyway.

"Regina, you've been through a lot...you...and Emma. And Emma is broken too...but I think you could have helped each other...to get better", Ruby stated and tried to stay calm. How could Regina be so stubborn and blind?

Regina scoffed, "If I remember correctly you've been the one who got all worked up about Emma being here...and giving her this big speech about not toying with me...and leaving me...what changed?"

Ruby sighed, "You know what changed...Emma standing here this morning, heartbroken...me telling her that there's always a chance to fix things if one really wanted to...and her telling me that she wants nothing more than that...but you don't. You haven't seen her...you haven't seen the pain she's been in...after everything that happened...after everything you've done...she was willing to give you her heart...again...and you let her leave. Again."

"I...I didn't...I..." Regina was taken aback, shocked even and her mind went into overdrive instantly.

"I can't help, but feel sorry for her", Ruby continued, "I mean we fucked up...all of us. Mary Margaret convinced me not to call her when you...you know...because she said Emma has to come back on her own, not out of guilt...and that she would...because she knows you two love each other...never would I have thought that Mary Margaret and her true love crap would make sense...till I saw Emma earlier today."

Regina covered her face with her hands, "She said I have to forgive myself, but how can I...when all I ever did was hurt her? Emma has been nothing, but good to me...since the day we first met...and I broke her heart...twice now. How can I ever forgive myself for that? How can she still want me?"

Ruby took Regina's hand and squeezed it, "Maybe True Love does exist after all...maybe it is like Em said once...before all this crap happened..."

"What did she say?"

"She said that she loves you...flaws and all...and that she'd rather go through hell with you than to live a 'normal' life without you...because even when things were rough...having you in her life always made her happy. That she'll always be happier with you...even when things would be miserable...than she could ever be without you", Ruby smiled at the memory, "We told her that she was such a sap that day...but when I think about it now...I guess she's spoken the truth."

Tears were streaming down Regina's face now, but she made no attempt to wipe them away.

If someone saw her so be it.

She had screwed up again.

Three weeks went by in which Regina had felt as miserable as ever.

Her nights had been sleepless for the most part and on the rare occasions she had passed out from exhaustion she had suffered the most horrible nightmares.

Emma hating her, Emma leaving her, Emma getting wounded, Emma dying.

Regina feared that she would go mad any second, but she had no idea what to do.

She had realized by now that it had been a mistake to let Emma go – again.

It had been a mistake the first time, but it had been an even bigger one the second time.

If only she found a way to forgive herself, because Emma had been right.

She needed to forgive herself.

But how?

She entered her study and caught sight of the pink rose Henry had given her about three weeks ago.

She had dried it to conserve it and now it was sitting on her desk, a constant reminder of what she could have had.

We would have made an awesome family.

Henry's words were haunting her ever since he and Emma had left town.

He had sounded completely honest and so very convinced – it still tore her apart whenever she thought about it.

How could he have said that?

He and Emma had seemed pretty close, she was sure that they had been talking about everything.

He must have known what a horrible and broken person she was – even if Emma had not told him all the details.

That boy was smart, clearly he had figured a lot out on his own.

And yet he had imagined them to be a family.

How was that even possible?

Could she heal enough to give this a chance?

What if she needed Emma to help her heal?

Was it too late to ask for another chance?

Because Emma had been ready to give her one, right?

There had been the possibility of another chance.

Had she given it away when she had let Emma leave again?

Regina grabbed her phone and called the sheriff's station.

David had to find something out for her and fast.

Two days later Regina found herself in New York – right in front of Emma's apartment.

She was not sure what she expected or if it had been a smart idea to come her unannounced, but Ruby had given her a massive pep talk after she had told her that she had instructed David to find out Emma's address and now here she was.

As nervous as she had ever been.

What if Emma did not want to see or talk to her anymore?

What if she would close her door on her before she had a chance to say what she needed to say?

What did she want to say in the first place?

She had thought about it since she had made the decision to go to New York, but right this moment Regina could not remember a single word.

Her mind was completely blank.

It took her a while to work up the courage to knock, but when she finally raised her hand to do so she got interrupted by a familiar voice.

"Regina?"

She spun around to see Henry standing behind her, a quite comical expression on his face. She identified it as a mix of confusion and joy and before she could say anything he lunged forward and pulled her into a heartfelt hug, rendering her speechless once again.

"What are you doing here?" he asked once he allowed her to take a step back.

"I...I came to see you...and Emma", was the simple answer, because she had no idea what else to say.

"Awesome! Mom's not home though. She's at work...but you can come inside if you want and wait for her...or we could take Balto for a walk together", Henry suggested, pulled his keys out of his jacket and unlocked the door to the apartment.

Regina hesitated for a moment, but followed after Henry eventually.

She had run away long enough.

Being in Emma's apartment felt weird and Regina was not as comfortable as she would have liked although the place was spaceous and warm and completely Emma.

Regina did not know how else to describe it.

"Do you want something to drink? Water? Tea?"

Henry did not fail to surprise her once again, but in this moment it was a more than welcome distraction.

"Tea would be nice."

When she turned around to meet Henry's gaze she caught sight of Balto, who came running out of one of the rooms and she wondered where he had been until now.

"He usually waits in my room for me...to get his cuddles. He's been like that ever since we got him", Henry shrugged, "But I guess he got impatient today."

"I guess you are right", Regina chuckled and petted the tail wagging husky that was standing next to her, looking at her with joy sparkling in his stunning blue eyes.

"He really likes you", Henry stated and put two tea mugs on the table next to the couch. Please, sit down..."

Regina did as she was told and Henry seated himself right next to her, petting his best friend on the head.

They took a few sips from their respective mugs in silence, but then Regina could not hold back any longer, "How is she?"

Henry seemed to debate for a second what he should tell her, but then she sighed, "Mom has been pretty quiet since we came back from Storybrooke. She's been having a hard time, crying a lot. But that's not really new."

Regina cringed, but pressed on "What do you mean?"

The boy started to shift uncomfortably, but answered anyway "Since the day I moved in here...I've heard Emma cry at night. Almost every day. But it's been worse recently. You know that she still loves you, don't you?"

Henry looked at Regina expectantly, daring her to lie. Making it clear that he would see right through it if she did.

"I...yes. I know", Regina admitted weakly.

Henry nodded, "I'm glad you are here...but please don't hurt my mom. Because I'm not sure how much more she can take."

His voice and his eyes were pleading for Regina to see reason and to make everything better, becaus e he knew she could, but that did nothing to encourage her.

No, if she was honest it scared her more than she cared to admit, burdened her with a weight almost too heavy to carry.

"I need to take Balto for a walk...do you want to come with me?"

All Regina could do was nod.

Henry had chatted away about school and the city during their walk while Regina had tried to calm her nerves.

Maybe it had been a stupid idea to come here.

When they finally returned to the apartment it was almost 6 pm and Regina was more anxious than she had ever been in her life.

Emma still was not home – much to her relief – because she needed a moment to breathe.

And think.

"I have to do my homework...but you can wait in the living room. Mom should be home within the next thirty minutes", Henry announced and disappeared in his room, Balto right behind him.

Regina sighed, but was thankful for the alone time and sat down on the living room couch once again.

Emma would be home soon – and then?

She would apologize for...well, everything.

If only she could remember the big speech she had prepared in her mind on her drive to New York, but her mind was still as blank as a piece of paper.

But before she could give the whole situation more thought she heard the sound of keys rustling outside and she shot up in panic – Emma was early.

What was she supposed to do now?

For a second she considered hiding as an option, but whom was she kidding?

How far would that get her?

And then the door opened and in limped an exhausted looking Emma Swan, abrasions on her right cheek and hand.

It made Regina gasp and that caused Emma to look into her direction and stop dead in her tracks.

The blonde's eyes widened in disbelief, "Regina? What are you doing here?

"I...what happened?"

Emma shrugged, "Got into a bit of a fight a few days ago...you know how it is in the bounty hunting business."

Regina cringed.

So Emma had returned to her old ways.

"It looks worse than it is. Just a few scratches and bruises...nothing serious", Emma tried to reassure her, not sure why she felt the need to do it in the first place.

"This time. You'll get yourself killed one day", Regina countered helplessly, causing Emma to scoff, "Not that it would be any of your business, Regina...but what do you want me to do? How am I supposed to pay my bills if I don't have a job? What do you suggest?"

"I...well...Emma, you...you are smart and you are brave...you could find something else", Regina stammered, feeling cornered and panicking.

The blonde chuckled bitterly, "This isn't Storybrooke, Regina...this is the real world. Anyway...why are you here?"

"I...I'm here 'cause I want..."

Regina dropped her head, fighting for her next breath.

Praying for the courage to say something meaniful.

She had only this one chance to make things right – if she would screw up now Emma would probably throw her out and send her straight to hell.

"What, Regina? What do you want?" Emma asked and took a step closer.

"I want you to come home."