A BRIEF AND SOMEWHAT STANDARD DISCLAIMER: Whilst the plotline and its components are in essence my own, the characters and dynamics belong solely to Ms Stephenie Meyer.
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way for the next chapter!
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Chapter 10 - Promises
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"Bella?"
"Yes?" I turned to find her paused in the doorway, glancing back at me.
"Just bear it in mind, ok? He does love you, and if you look hard enough then everything that convinces you otherwise has love at its roots." I froze, but before I could respond she had left. I shook my head and headed back to the sitting room. I didn't know what to believe anymore.
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Time continued to pass too quickly. I spent time with all the members of my family, trying to make the most of their company as the end of Spring Break approached. Alice dragged me shopping on several occasions, ecstatic that my exceptional self-control meant I could survive trips to malls without it resulting in a bloodbath. I didn't complain. I still didn't share her enthusiasm with clothes, but was grateful to spend time with her regardless. Back home I spent my time helping Esme plan a conversion of a seventeenth century house she was renovating near Ithaca, and competing with Emmett on various video games, something I was getting pretty good at. On those occasions I was closer to happiness than I'd been in a long time, and Jasper would join us, Alice on his lap and a look of relief on his face. I felt bad that he had to suffer when I was unhappy. I was isolating him from his family.
Two days before the Cullens were due to leave Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie, Kate, Irina and Tanya all went on an extended hunting trip. I declined despite Alice's begging, stating that I didn't feel confident hunting outside the area just yet. Esme and Carmen were packing upstairs, and I went to speak to Carlisle. I found him in the study discussing current hospital practices with Eleazar.
"Carlisle, could I speak to you in private for a moment?" I asked with an apologetic glance at Eleazar.
"That's fine; I really should be helping Carmen." He smiled and darted out of the room, shutting the door behind him. Carlisle smiled and sat down in one of the armchairs against the bookcase. I pulled up another chair and sat opposite him, clasping my hands nervously.
"What can I do for you Bella?" he asked. I decided to get straight to the point.
"I have a favour to ask of you. I am assuming it is likely that at some point in the near future you will speak to Edward?" I had fully rehearsed what I was going to ask, so saying Edward's name didn't invoke the sharp pang of loss that usually accompanied it.
"He checks in from time to time. Only Alice knows when really. I believe he is currently in South Africa, so a visit is unlikely, but he does phone occasionally." Carlisle replied. I nodded thoughtfully.
"I would... appreciate it if you didn't mention anything to him about me, if possible. I don't want him to know that I've been changed, or my current whereabouts." Carlisle leant forward, clasping his hands, his face serious now.
"That is an unusual request, and a serious one, asking us, as a family, to lie to Edward. He deserves to know after all. Might I ask why?"
I took a deep breath. I knew that I what I was asking was unreasonable, and I felt awful, but I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important.
"I think it would cause him unnecessary worry and guilt if he knew. Not to mention the fact that he is certain to be annoyed that I am staying with his extended family, after going to such lengths to cut me out of his life." Carlisle didn't reply. "I know I'm asking a lot. I also know that if you see him in person then it will be difficult it keep it from him anyway. But I'm not asking you to lie. I just don't want you to mention it unless absolutely necessary. I don't think it's something he'll want to know." Carlisle opened his mouth to speak then, but I held up a hand. "Please, let me finish. I have to respect Edward's wishes. He ...doesn't want me in his life anymore, and I don't want to force the matter on him." I took another breath to calm myself. Those words hurt even after constant mental repetition. Carlisle sighed.
"Well Bella, of course I will respect your wishes. I promise I will not mention anything to Edward. And I will ask the family to do the same. But I do think you're wrong. This is something he would wish to know."
I smiled sadly. "Thank you Carlisle. But some things have to come to an end. I care about Edward enough to honour his decision." I was relieved. I knew by now that I wasn't strong enough to see Edward again, whatever the circumstances, just to have him leave me again. What I was feeling now with the Cullens had taught me that much.
"You know Esme is going to ask you to join us? You would be more than welcome." I looked up to see the sadness in Carlisle's eyes.
"I know. And you will never believe how truly grateful I am for the offer. You will always be my family. But you're Edward's too, and I won't intrude on that. I already have a life here with the Denalis. When the time comes, I'll go my own way." When Edward finds out, I added mentally, "Until then I need to stay here. But thank you, for the kindness you have all shown me, and for being there for me, as a family." I stood up to leave and Carlisle mirrored my movement. He sighed.
"Please come visit us Bella. You will always be a part of this family, just as much as Edward is." We shook hands and I left the study.
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Two days later I stood in the hallway, watching Alice bring the last of her bags downstairs. Everyone was gathered to say goodbye to the Cullens. Emmett picked up the bags and took them out to the car, reappearing in a flash as everyone hugged each other in farewell. After everyone had said their goodbyes Alice turned to me.
"Please Bella, won't you come with us?" She begged, but from the look on her face I knew that she already knew the answer. Jasper placed one arm round her shoulder as I shook my head.
"One day Alice, I promise. Just not yet. I love you guys, but I need to do my own thing for a bit. I'll miss you though."
Alice nodded in resignation and then threw her arms round my waist. I hugged her back, on the brink of breaking down completely. She straightened up, shot me one last sad smile, and followed the rest of the Cullens out the door. Everyone filed outside, but Jasper hung back and grabbed my arm. I glanced curiously at him, but he waited until everyone had gone before speaking.
"Bella, I just wanted to apologise, before we left. For what happened on your birthday. It's my fault Edward decided to leave." I could feel the remorse he was unconsciously emitting, but was already shaking my head, a smile on my face.
"Jasper, I never blamed you, and especially don't now. Remember, I now know exactly how difficult it is to deal with what happened on my birthday. It wasn't your fault. The important thing is that you stopped."
"Bella, I tried to eat you!" he said desperately. I shook my head again.
"But you didn't. And it isn't your fault Edward left. That was his decision, no one else's." I said firmly. I wouldn't have Jasper taking that guilt upon himself. He still looked unconvinced, but I smiled and gave him a brief hug.
"I'll miss you Jasper. All of you. I'll come visit soon." He hugged me back, and we drew apart smiling. We went outside to join the others. The cars were all packed and everyone was standing in front of them waiting for me and Jasper. Alice shot me a grateful smile, which I returned.
I went to stand with the Denalis as everyone else climbed into Rosalie's BMW and Carlisle's Mercedes. The last glimpse I got was of Alice waving furiously out of the rear window of Carlisle's car before they drove round the bend and out of sight.
I was vaguely aware that Kate had her arm round my shoulders and Carmen grasped my left hand as they led me back inside. I realised I was trembling. Kate led me to the sofa and sat me down as I stared blindly in front of me. I felt the couch move as she sat down next to me, but that was the last thing I took in before the dry, tearless sobs burst through my lips and I was overwhelmed with pain. They were gone. Again.
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It was a few hours until I resurfaced from whatever level of despair I had submerged myself in. Kate hadn't left my side in all that time. As the sobs quietened down my mind began to clear and I could think straight. I realised that this pain was only an echo of the pain I felt before. Yes, they had left, but they loved me and they had said goodbye. It wasn't really their departure that had me so upset. It was just that it reminded me of last September, when my world stopped. I wondered if I'd ever fully recover from the pain of it, but something told me I was getting better, especially now that part of my life was restored.
I looked up. The room was empty apart from Kate, who was smiling sadly at me. I opened my mouth to ask but she cut me off.
"They've gone hunting. I convinced them that you wouldn't want an audience." I smiled gratefully.
"I'm sorry. But it's OK now. I'm fine." She raised an eyebrow sceptically. I shrugged. "Ok, maybe not fine, but I've definitely been through worse than this. At least this time I know I'll see them again." I smiled, trying to reassure her, but she still looked worried.
"Bella, are you sure this is what you want? Why didn't you go with them? We wouldn't have minded, you know."
"I know. But they were his family first. I'm not going to drive him out. I owe him that much for the time he gave me."
"You don't owe him anything, Bella. And if he can't deal with you being a part of the family then he'll have to learn." We were silent for a moment.
"Thanks for staying with me." I said quietly. Kate squeezed my hand and grinned.
"What are sisters for?"
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Time passed, slower now, but always moving. Over a month went by after the Cullens departure with nothing remarkable happening. I was much less depressed after their visit, and I knew the Denalis were pleased to see me happy. Eleazar had arranged for some fake documents to be made for me, including exam certificates so that I could go to college in September.
Over the months that passed I found ways to fill my time. Kate was trying to teach me to extend my mental shield, after Eleazar had suggested that it might be possible for me to shield others around me. It was challenging to say the least, and wasn't going very quickly. Kate seemed to have endless patience, but we quickly ran out of volunteers who were willing to stand and be shocked by Kate whilst I tried weakly to shield them using nothing but willpower. It did work, sometimes, but I would lose it after a few minutes. It frustrated me, having nothing solid to work with or aim for, and I found my lack of progress discouraging. Kate insisted I was doing well, especially for my age, but no matter how hard I strained my mind I couldn't control my shield.
Other times, when no one would volunteer or Kate was busy, I received fighting lessons from various members of my family. It was agreed by all the Denalis that I should know how to fight properly, in case I ever came across other vampires. This was also difficult, but I enjoyed it immensely. It was good to have an outlet for my strength, which was still vastly superior to any mature vampire, due to the human blood still in my system from my change. Everyone took turns at teaching me different moves, but Eleazar and Tanya taught me the most.
Alice called about once a week to let me know what everyone was up to. Rosalie and Emmett had left for another honeymoon at the end of May, and Esme finished her house. June began. Term was coming to an end and Carlisle would soon be finished teaching. On June 6th Alice rang me to let me know that she and Jasper would be visiting that weekend, as Jasper had just finished his Philosophy studies. To say I was looking forward to it would have been an understatement.
Saturday came and I was bursting with excitement at the prospect of seeing Alice again. I couldn't sit still for more than two minutes at a time. Finally Tanya laughed at me as I flitted from one side of the living room to the other.
"For god's sake Bella, go for a run or something. You're driving me nuts!" she said from her spot on the sofa, grinning widely. Kate, sat in the armchair, laughed and I could hear Irina giggling upstairs. I stuck my tongue out at her, smiling in return, but went outside anyway. I could probably do with a run to calm me down.
I set off at a steady pace through the woods. I caught the scent of a herd of deer nearby but ignored it. I had hunted yesterday. My eyes had nearly lost their crimson colouring now, and looked brown. Not the same brown I had as a human, but I still preferred them to the blood red irises that I'd had for the last few months.
I had travelled about 5 miles when a ringing noise cut through the silence. I sighed, and pulled from my pocket the sleek, black cell phone that Alice had mailed me about a week after she had returned to New York, pre-programmed with everyone's number. I wouldn't usually accept something like it, but as soon as it had arrived she had rang me on it, much to my surprise. The smugness in her voice was easy to detect as she told me there was no point in trying to send it back, and that she had already foreseen me losing the argument. I giggled at the memory.
I flipped the phone open and checked the caller ID. Alice. No surprises there. But wait, wasn't she meant to be on a plane? I hit the call button and held the tiny phone to my ear.
"Alice? What's up? Aren't you in the air right now?"
"Bella? Oh thank god. And yes we're on a plane-"
I cut her off. "Alice, you're really not meant to use these whilst..." I began in a reproaching tone before the panic in her voice filtered its way to my brain. "Alice, what's wrong?"
"It's Edward."
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OMG IT'S EDWARD! Lol :) Hang on, what's Edward? You'll have to wait to find out. Not as long this time, I promise. Again. It's hard getting back into the swing of it, but I'm picking up the pace now. So yeah, a tiny smidgen of action after 3 chapters of feeling and stuff. Not entirely sure how much more there is to go, but at least 4 chapters I imagine. You'll have to ask the characters, they keep changing the plot. :) Oh well, once again, let me know what you think, and until next time, hwyl fawr!
