What Do You Want?

by polenicus

After the failed wedding attempt, Akane calls it quits. Now Nabiki is saddled with a morose Ranma. Rather than get caught in the crossfire between his other fiancees, she decides to try and help the pig-tailed martial artist figure out what HE wants (Warnings: Harem, implied Incest)

10. One For All, And All For MRI Scans

Nabiki sighed happily as she flipped through the tickets she had taken, jotting them down in her betting ledger. It had been far too long.

It wasn't just the money, though seeing something positive in the cash flow ledger certainly felt good. It was the feeling of regaining some control, like she had been a ship without a rudder, and she had finally jury-rigged something to allow her to steer.

"Is the coast clear?"

Nabiki squeaked a little as the ghostly voice came from somewhere directly behind her. She let out a breath, reminding herself that this was the plan. "Yes, Ranma. Himura has gone off to sulk."

The star-patterned furoshiki whipped away, revealing Ranma and the rest of the volleyball team. "Good. It was getting tiring keeping that up." Ranma said, wiping her brow. "Hiding four other people is hard." She glanced at the other girls. "You all okay?"

"You know, as if we needed another reminder that if you were actually the pervert you have the rep for we would all be in a lot of trouble…" Yuka brushed off her sleeves.

"Yuka, I'd never…" Ranma started, but Sayuri put a hand on her shoulder.

"I think Yuka's trying to say that you wouldn't… and we all know it Ranma." Sayuri said, giving the redhead a crooked smile. "She's just bad at dropping the snark." She glanced over her shoulder. "... I'd say more, but I think Rin is going to explode."

They turned to see the diminutive striker trembling, fists clenched, and eyes full of stars as she looked at Ranma with a truly terrifying level of hero worship. "That…"

"Coast is clear, no fiancess in sight." Riko said, looking out across the field.

"... Was…"

"Roof is clear." Yuka added, looking up.

"...So…"

Sayuri patted Ranma once more on the shoulder and got out of the way. And back a few paces.

"COOL!"

Ranma yelped as Rin glomped her with enough force to make an Amazon proud.

Rin released her quickly, though she held onto her hands, bouncing excitedly. "ThatWasSoCoolWeWereInvisible AndNoOneCouldSeeUsAndItWasAll'Whoosh!'AndSuddenlyWeWereVisibleAgainAndHOWDIDYOUDOTHAT!?"

"Ack…! It's… It's a martial arts technique…" Ranma looked around nervously, looking for help that wasn't forthcoming. "I… aheh… I'm actually not supposed to use it. It's sorta forbidd… en?" She felt a bit of cold sweat down the back of her neck as she saw Rin start to vibrate.

"OMGFORBIDDENMARTIALARTSTECHNIQUES!EEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"No more sugar for her." Yuka muttered.

"Nabiki? Help…" Ranma whimpered, giving her girlfriend an imploring look.

Nabiki tucked away her ledger and walked over, gently taking Rin by the shoulders and backing her off a few steps. "This is nothing. By the end of this you'll be seeing ki blasts and pressure points making things explode… but you gotta be cool about it."

"Okay… okay…" Rin sucked in deep breaths. She gave Nabiki a sheepish look, and then much more subdued squeaked out. "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

"We'll work on it." Nabiki smirked.

"Actually, you were the amazing one, Nabiki." Sayuri said. "How did you set all this up? There's no way you knew about this beforehand…" She looked a bit uncertain. "... Did you?"

Nabiki crossed her arms. For a moment she was tempted to cultivate the notion of her omniscience in the group, but that would just lead to unrealistic expectations. As long as Himura was convinced Nabiki was several steps ahead, that was good enough. "Anything Goes School is all about improvisation." She said smugly. "I might not be a trained martial artist, but I am the daughter of the Master of the Tendo school."

"But… where did you get these costumes?" Riko asked, turning and giving her outfit a good look. "These are actually really good."

Nabiki held up a finger. "Being prepared isn't about having everything on hand, it's about knowing where and how to source materials and resources. And Furinkan is nothing if not an absolute treasure trove of everything you could possibly want, cranked out by the fevered brains of the obsessive-compulsive crazies that we share the school with. I happen to know several of the drama club members are avid cosplayers, and have been using school supplies and equipment."

"Isn't that against the drama club rules though?" Rin asked, cocking her head.

"That's why she knows about it." Yuka replied dryly.

"We… had an arrangement." Nabiki replied. "So I knew about the costumes. I also knew they had put them in garment bags to hide them from prying eyes."

"Like yours?" Yuka asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"I was the one who suggested the garment bags." Nabiki chuckled. "For a consulting fee, of course. Thankfully, garment bags like the ones they used…"

"... Are waterproof." Sayuri snorted. "So you knew they'd be there, and would be okay after the sprinklers."

"The club never ended up using them. They never found any girls to wear them. The anime convention they were meant for came and went." Nabiki shrugged. "They got pulled outside on the same racks as all the waterlogged stuff, and were probably going to get tossed without even being checked. I had a few other options, but these were by far the best one. I got lucky."

"I hope they don't mind…" Rin said, poking her fingers together.

"I'll check with them later and get their blessing." Nabiki said after a moment's thought. Not a bad idea, can't have Himura or Hana using uniforms of questionable ownership against me. And if I can get them on board, might be able to swing free tailoring for them.

"But who did you get to run the booth?" Riko asked.

Nabiki looked around, spotted the appropriate parties, and motioned them to come over. They glanced around before skulking their way in a way that suggested they were trying to not be obvious, and doing a miserable job of it.

"Are you sure we should be meeting in the open like this, chief?" Hiroshi asked, glancing around nervously.

"What, are you afraid of repercussions?" Nabiki asked.

"Nah, Himura doesn't like us anyway." Daisuke answered. "But we thought you might want to keep our 'connection' on the down and down. On the speakeasy. On easy street, you know?"

Nabiki blinked at him. "No… No actually I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Neither does he," Hiroshi replied. "He's just been watching gangster movies again."

Nabiki rolled her eyes. "If you mean you think we should hide our association… there's not much point. Himura isn't stupid. But the Tutus give a level of plausible deniability to anyone official. You were acting as cheerleaders."

"Don't think that's going to save you, 'Boss'!"

They all looked over to see Hana stalking towards them. She was wearing a fake smile, her eye twitching as she struggled to maintain her composure. "Do you honestly think you can just sweep in here and make Himura and the rest of us look like idiots?"

"Truth hurts?" Yuka asked sweetly.

Hana ignored her, her gaze fixed on Nabiki. "I want that betting ledger, Nabiki. And the betting proceeds. Now."

"Or?" Nabiki asked, pulling it out and waving the book back and forth nonchalantly.

Hana's smile became a little more real, and a lot meaner. "Have you forgotten what I've got on you, 'Boss'? What'll happen if certain pictures get into certain wrong hands?"

Nabiki cooly regarded the girl a moment, then she turned her gaze to Daisuke, ignoring Hana pointedly. "Did you guys manage to get any lunch in the middle of all this?"

Daisuke shook his head, his tummy grumbling as if on cue. "No, it was all cleaned out by the time we were done."

"H-hey!" Hana stamped her foot.

"Not to worry." Nabiki looked at her wristwatch. "Your lunch should be here any minute. She's very punctual."

"Who's very punctual?" Hiroshi asked, leaning in to look at Nabiki's wristwatch. Just at that moment, the school's lunch bell rang.

Hana took a step forward. "Don't you ignore me, Nabiki Ten-"

She didn't get to finish as a bike crashed onto the ground inches from her nose, ridden by a lavender haired delivery girl bearing a large metal delivery box.

"Nihao!" Shampoo said cheerfully. "Shampoo here as promised!"

"-YEEEEP!" Hana threw herself backwards and ended up tumbling onto her rear.

"Perfect timing, Shampoo." Nabiki replied, smiling and accepting the two steaming bowls of ramen from the Amazon. She immediately handed them over to Hiroshi and Daisuke. "As per our agreement."

Their eyes widened as they accepted their promised, but unexpected reward.

"Hey, this is the super deluxe Ramen bowl!" Hiroshi exclaimed with delight.

"I'll take this over leftover barbecue buffet any day!" Daisuke continued, digging into the noodles with the provided chopsticks.

"Shampoo thought Ranma and Mercenary girl eat?" Shampoo cocked her head. She spotted Ranma and smiled. "Speaking of which…" She leapt off the bike and glomped the redhead fiercely. "Ranma!"

Ranma yelped and swayed a bit, but managed to stay upright. Shampoo's hug was making her ribs creak. She blushed a bit as she glanced around, knowing there were only two real ways to break the glomp, and Akane and her mallet were nowhere to be seen. She sighed and hugged Shampoo back, knowing it was going to result in some questions.

Just like before, as soon as the gesture of affection was returned, the deathgrip loosened, and Shampoo seemed to melt against her. The Amazon sighed happily and relaxed. "Shampoo missed you." She murmured in Ranma's ear.

Ranma's mind slipped back to the intensity of the last time she had seen Shampoo, and all those confusing and intense feelings started bubbling up again. She closed her eyes, mindful that they weren't alone in an empty lot this time. "Yeah… Good to see you Shampoo."

Surprisingly, Shampoo was the first to release the hug. She smiled at the redhead. "Hard to hug Airen for long without purr." She admitted sheepishly.

Ranma shivered a little. "I… appreciate it."

Shampoo winked. "Maybe help Airen get over fear eventually, ne?"

Ranma shuddered again. "Remind me to explain it to you sometime, Shampoo." She said. She looked up and cringed inwardly, as everyone was staring at her. And then there was a flash.

"Very cute." Hana said, lowering her camera. "Half dozen shots, girl on girl, 25,000 yen a pop for sure… Don't suppose you're going to kiss this one too? No?" She shrugged. "I'll get the shot eventually, no matter."

Shampoo blinked, turning. "Who you?"

Hana opened her mouth, but Nabiki was faster. "Shampoo, this is Hana, the girl who takes lewd pictures of your Airen without her permission. Hana, this is Shampoo, the girl who finds kicking in walls is easier and quicker than using doors."

Shampoo's eyes narrowed.

"Hey, not my fault you're doing this stuff out in public." Hana smirked, one hand on her hip in a cocky pose.

"And the pics of Ranma undressing for her physical?" Nabiki asked sweetly.

Hana blanched. "How did you…? I mean…" She gave Shampoo a nervous look. "I don't know what you're talking about!"

"Shampoo, why don't you check her camera and see if she's telling the truth?" Nabiki suggested.

Hana stepped back, holding the camera protectively. "Now hold on! You can't just…!"

And then she noticed she wasn't holding anything.

Shampoo held the camera up, taking a moment to figure out the unfamiliar controls. Very quickly she was able to get into the recently taken pictures. She was silent a moment as she browsed the camera's memory.

"Err… if you want copies I could work out a discount for you…" Hana said nervously.

Shampoo looked up at Hana, her expression cold. Almost casually, she pulverized the camera between her hands.

Hana started backing up slowly. "I… We can negotiate…!"

"You I kill." Shampoo said flatly, and started advancing on the girl.

"L-look, your precious 'Airen' was kissing Ukyou Kuonji just yesterday!" Hana said, trying to regain her composure. She shot Nabiki a nasty smirk as Shampoo paused.

"Shampoo know." Shampoo said. "Airen does not keep secrets from Shampoo. Did camera girl take pictures of that, too? Maybe next you try and convince Shampoo Airen kissed mercenary girl? Girl who tell lies go to not nice place." She cracked her knuckles.

"Y-you can't hurt me! I'm not a martial artist!" Hana started backing away more quickly, eyes wide as she faced the possibility that all of her trump cards were now worthless.

"That Japan thing. True, camera girl is not martial artist, not worth Kiss of Death." Shampoo bared her teeth in a wide, evil smile. "Want to know what Joketsuzoku do to those who meddle who not worth our time?"

Hana shrieked, her nerve breaking as she turned and fled.

Shampoo dusted her hands and turned back. She glanced at Nabiki. "How much for home address?"

Nabiki's smile was full-mercenary. "For you Shampoo baby? Free."

"Good. Will visit camera girl later." Shampoo stretched, cracked her neck, then bounced back over to Ranma, claiming her arm and leaning against her. "Am busy now."

"How did you know she was taking creeper shots in the clinic?" Sayuri asked, recovering from the little scene.

"It was a guess." Nabiki admitted. "But after I learned she was taking changing room pics, it made sense." She sighed. "She'll probably keep trying, too."

Yuka shiverred. "Ugh. Almost as bad as that old lech who keeps panty raiding us."

"I think I'm just going to wear my gym clothes under my school uniform from now on." Rin said quietly.

"If I see her carrying another camera I'm going to make her eat it." Sayuri growled.

"I'll see what I can do to keep tabs on her." Nabiki sighed. "For now… be careful what you say and do on school grounds. After today, Himura will be fishing for blackmail material for sure, and I'm already scraping the bottom of my emergency blackmail kit."

"Emergency blackmail kit." Yuka stated incredulously.

"It's how I got the two Himura had running the booth to bug off. Most of my good dirt Hana skipped out with, but I always keep a bit of reserve." Nabiki tucked away her ledger and pulled out another little black book. "Started up this when the Hentai Horde started looking into drugging my little sister so they could beat her and 'win' a date." She scowled. "God I hate this school sometimes."

Ranma was a little surprised at the vehemence with which Nabiki said that, and from their expressions the other girls were too. Nabiki had never expressed anything but cool cynicism when discussing the school before.

Ranma remembered Nabiki's story about 'Tachi'. There were all these pieces that were starting to fit together, like a puzzle that was making a picture of understanding. Not just Nabiki, but Akane, and even Kasumi.

The Tendo's had had it rough.

Akane fought back with her fists. The Ice Queen was how Nabiki fought back. Ranma thought. And Kasumi tried to make peace and keep everyone from cracking by taking care of them.

And then me an' Pops came along and piled OUR crap on top of it. Ranma hung her head.

"What wrong, Airen?" Shampoo slipped her arm through Ranma's again, studying her face.

"Probably experiencing a pang of guilt for being a total Casanova?" Yuka said darkly.

Ranma winced and shrank a little more at the criticism. And they don't even know the half of it!

"To be fair… and I can't believe I'm coming to Ranma's defense on this… Ukyou kissed her." Sayuri replied.

"If she always kisses like that, I'd let her kiss me." Riko said softly.

"I thought Kuonji-san was a boy?" Rin said, confused.

Yuka rubbed her temples. "Of course you did."

"Hey, if the boys can fantasize about Ranma as a girl, Rin and I can daydream about Ukyou as a boy!" Riko protested.

"Ranma is a girl!" Yuka shot back, then winced and started rubbing her forehead again. "I can't believe I just said that…"

"What does Ranma being a girl have to do with this?" Rin replied, still confused.

"You think the curse is more significant than living your life as a boy for most of your life?" Riko asked, putting her hands on her hips.

"Yes! Because she's actually, physically a girl!"

"That's just Nature vs Nurture!"

"Nature vs Nurture has nothing to do with this! We're talking about Ranma being with more than one person at once!"

"So? Ranma's polyamorous." Riko shrugged.

"Polyamory is wrong!"

"Grumpy girl correct." Shampoo stepped in. She closed her eyes and raised a finger. "Should never combine Greek and Latin roots to make word."

"Thank you!" Yuka gestured at Shampoo. "Finally someone with some sense!" She blinked and looked at Shampoo. "You speak english?"

Shampoo shook her head. "No. Speak Greek and Latin. 'Amazons' originated in Greece, philosophy brought all over world."

"What's happening?" Ranma asked in a small voice, terribly confused.

"Last week's argument in English class, I think." Sayuri replied. "If I remember correctly Ms. Hinako actually drained Yuka over it."

Yuka cocked her head and the Amazon. "Then… Why is your Japanese so bad?"

"Japanese terrible language. Borrows words from English, which worst language." Shampoo tapped her chest. "Only worth time getting good at civilized languages."

"On that we agree completely!"

Ranma shook her head. "How did we get from me being a Cassanova to criticism of language?"

Sayuri patted her shoulder. "By way of a detour through a brief flyby of gender identity issues, of course. Don't you listen to the conversations we have in the classroom? This happens all the time!"

"I'm… mostly doodling in my math textbook." Ranma admitted sheepishly.

Sayuri rolled her eyes. "You are such a boy."

Nabiki observed the exchange with some bemusement. She took a moment to do inventory. Hana's shot herself in the foot with Shampoo. Even if she went to her with pics of the weekend, Shampoo would just make good on her threats. Still leaves Ukyou though. She cocked her head and regarded the Amazon animatedly talking with Yuka and Riko, still holding possessively onto Ranma's left arm as the redhead's eyes glazed over. And who'd have thought Shampoo would be zoning Ranma out by having an intellectual conversation? I might have to re-evaluate the girl. She looked out across the field to the parking lot, spotting a white limousine. I imagine Himura's not happy. She glanced over at Hiroshi and Daisuke, who were busily stuffing their faces with ramen. I'll need more help keeping her attention divided. Maybe Ukyou and Akane? Keep them distracted from getting jealous over Ranma. Shame Shampoo isn't a student, she'd keep Hana in line nicely.

She considered that a moment. Alone, any of the fiancees were volatile. Two or more together was like tossing raw sodium in water. All three of them? But if I could keep track of them all at once… manage them… Maybe I could defuse the three of them? Teach them to work together? It was so very risky, and it would basically mean she'd have to spend almost all of her free time babysitting. But they were the very core of The Madness, and she was always going to have to defuse that somehow. It would take regular contact over a long term, and having them all at the school mean there were circuit breakers like Ms. Hinako to shut them down if they threatened to go volcanic in class. And with Himura providing a convenient common enemy…

I'm an idiot. This is dumb. I can't believe I'm doing this. "Hey, Shampoo?"

Shampoo blinked, turning from her conversation, which had shifted to Shampoo expressing the opinion that the Roman military had been vastly overrated. "Yes Nabiki?"

"Have you ever considered enrolling at Furinkan?" Nabiki crossed her arms. "It would let you be closer to Ranma all day."

Ranma shot Nabiki a worried look, but she gave her a reassuring wave and mouthed 'Trust me'.

Shampoo sighed. "Great-Granmother suggest. But school sound so boring."

"It is." Ranma replied. "Well… Not lately, but that's because of all the extra-curricular crazy. Schoolwork still sucks."

"You and Ranma could suffer together. Misery shared is halved, after all." Nabiki said. "Besides, you could help Yuka in her campaign to have English outlawed."

"And I bet having you around would keep Hana from being a creeper." Riko added.

"Great-Grandmother need help at Nekohanten…" Shampoo looked tremendously tempted at the notion though.

"Ukyou manages. She'd just need you for the lunch and dinner rushes, right?" Nabiki pressed a bit.

"Good point. Maybe ask Spatula girl about." Shampoo tapped her chin. "Is good idea though. Shampoo talk about to Great-Grandmother." She gave Nabiki a sideways glance. "How much this cost?"

Nabiki waved her off. "Just don't murder my little sister, okay?"

"Hmph. Shampoo not have problem with Akane if she not always be crazy-jealous." She crossed her arms. "Needs learn to share."

"Share?!" Yuka choked.

Shampoo gave her a quizzical look. "Is not what 'polyamory' mean? Akane and Ukyou strong fighters. Stronger than most Amazons. Ranma strongest fighter. Have right to concubine or two."

"And you're okay with that?!" Yuka demanded.

"Great-Grandmother have several husbands in her day. Is only make sense." Shampoo shrugged. "Airen strongest, attract strong mates. Have many children. Is how Amazons endure." She smiled at Ranma and took her arm again, looking into her eyes. "As long as Airen love Shampoo, not need anything else."

"But… If Ukyou is a girl, how will you have children?" Rin asked, cocking her head.

"Ranma would father them, Rin." Sayuri replied.

Rin furrowed her brow. "But… senpai is a girl."

"I'm starting to seriously think you're mentally blocked about this." Yuka muttered.

Riko put her hands on Rin's shoulders. "Rin? 'It's magic'. That's all you've got to remember."

Rin sighed. "I hate magic."

"You and me both, Rin." Ranma chipped in.

000

Himura pushed past the bodyguard who opened the door for her, stepping into the limo and slamming the door behind her. She was trembling, breathing heavily and struggling to maintain her composure.

"Your big luau not go the way you planned, wahine?" A pair of dark glasses flashed in the dark of the limo across from her.

She glared at him, her normally cool expression full of rage. "I want Nabiki Tendo expelled. Now."

"That's not how the game is played, wahine." Principal Kuno smirked. "I tried to tell you."

"No, I decide how the game is played, and I am telling you if you value your estate, your position, and what is left of your reputation, she will be gone by tomorrow!" She snarled at him.

She expected to see him shrink back in fear. Most people did. Even adults in positions of power cowered before her.

He didn't. His smile… his infuriating, smug smile just widened. He folded his hands and sat back in his seat.

"Maybe you should be speakin' to yer grandpappy then, wahine." He said. He then pressed a button on the cell phone he had resting on the center island of the seat he was sitting on.

"Hello Granddaughter." The voice came through clearly.

Himura was not afraid of adults. She wasn't afraid of police, criminals, drug dealers, human traffickers, murderers, or martial artists. She had never encountered gods or demons, but it was doubtful she'd give them much more consideration.

She was afraid of that voice.

"I'm disappointed, Himura." Her Grandfather continued. "I had expected better from you."

"Grandfather…" She choked as her throat closed up. She swallowed and continued. "I'm taking care of it! If… if you could tell this buffoon to do his job…"

"SILENCE."

Himura's mouth shut with a click of her teeth.

"He HAS done his job. He has kept me apprised of the situation, and has counselled you on how to best proceed. Advice I understand you ignored, and returned with contempt and blatant threats. And as a result, your little self-serving pageant has been utterly upended by a peasant you scorned and then ignored. Now you have lost control of the situation, and you are demanding he remove the only significant opposition you've faced thus far. Which, allow me to be clear, he is NOT going to do, nor will anyone else in the Organization. Nabiki Tendo has complete immunity."

"What?! Why!?" Himura demanded, briefly forgetting her fear.

"BECAUSE YOU FAILED TO DEAL WITH HER WHEN YOU HAD THE CHANCE." He roared, cowing her again. "You outclassed her in resources, in authority, and you had caught her completely by surprise. In the space of a WEEK she completely reversed the situation, with no resources, no authority, and limited contacts. If the insult to the Tanaka family was not so intolerable, I would be RECRUITING her as we speak! I may still; that will depend entirely upon you."

Himura shuddered. She knew better than to protest again. "What must I do?" She asked quietly.

"You are intelligent, capable, and confident, Granddaughter. All qualities your father lacked. All qualities which mark you as my best hope for an heir. But as this most recent indulgence has proven, you have grown complacent. You have grown accustomed to unchallenged power, and that is NOT how the world operates. Your obsession with this Ranma Saotome was tolerated because I was curious how you would leverage the assets at your disposal, and I remain curious. Therefore this little game of yours will become your test, and your opponent will be Nabiki Tendo. You have long languished for a rival, and I pray her resourcefulness will evoke similar ingenuity from you. I know you are capable of it." He paused. "Nabiki Tendo now has immunity from direct reprisal. The Organization will not act against her on your behalf, nor provide further support to you beyond your bodyguards, servants, and your monthly stipend. You may bluff with them all you wish, but know that she will be notified of the rules of this little engagement. You may not use any existing obligations to draw in outside resources, though you are welcome to negotiate new alliances on your own recognizance, with the understanding that you will be held responsible for any and all agreements that you make. With what resources you have already collected, you are to recruit Ranma Saotome to the Organization, and you are to neutralize Nabiki Tendo as an obstacle. How you accomplish either of these tasks is entirely up to you, and Ranma will be yours to do with as you wish afterwards. All that I require is you succeed."

"Yes, Grandfather." Himura replied meekly. Her hands balled into fists.

"Tatsuyuki-san, please forgive my foolish granddaughter any insult she may have lain at your feet. As always, you may operate as you see fit, be it to aid or hinder either party at your discretion. The school is yours, as it has always been."

"No offense taken, Nobu-san. Mebbe we can get drinks like de old days, eh?"

"Heh heh… I think my old liver has recovered from the last time. I'd like that very much. Are you free tonight?"

"Of course! I just need to make a visit to de hospital first."

"Yes, your son. My condolences."

"Eh, mebbe he learn dis time. Talk to you soon." Principal Kuno hit the end call button, then sat back, folding his hands again.

Himura glared at him. "Is there anything else I can do for you, Principal Kuno?"

He smirked. "No worries dere, wahine. I let you do as you like. Been fun so far. Just remember… I be a part o' the Organization before you evah born. Mebbe I'm a joke now… but dey keep me around for a reason, ye?" He leaned forward, glasses flashing. "In de future, when ye kick a dog, be sure he don't got no teeth left."

000

Akane stretched her arms over her head. She was still stiff from sleeping in a chair next to Ukyou's bed. She wanted nothing more than to hop up on the fence and sprint to work out the kinks, but that was a poor idea while wearing a dress.

"You know, I think I have a better idea what my hung-over morning patrons mean by 'Accusing sun'" Ukyou shielded her eyes and winced.

"The medicine isn't helping?" Akane asked.

"It takes the edge off, but I'm still pretty fuzzed." Ukyou replied. "Getting better, though. I'll be okay after a hot shower."

They reached Ucchan's Okonomiyaki. Ukyou fumbled with the door lock, but before she could get it open, the door slid aside, revealing what appeared to be a very pretty young girl in a waitressing kimono.

"Ukyou-sama!"

Ukyou yelped as she was glomped by the waitress. "Konatsu?!"

"Oh, forgive me!" The pretty kunoichi immediately released her and covered his mouth. "But when you didn't come home yesterday for the dinner rush, I was so worried! I tried looking for you, and there were ambulances at the school, but they didn't have your name at the hospital, and…"

"Easy, easy, sugar!" Ukyou put her hands on Konatsu's shoulders to steady him. "I'm okay. I just got a bump to the head." She indicated Akane with an incline of her head. "Akane got me to Doctor Tofu's, and stayed with me overnight to make sure I was okay."

Konatsu's eyes practically shone as he looked at Akane. He immediately dropped to his hands and knees, prostrating himself. "I am forever in your debt, Ms. Tendo!"

"Aheh, that's okay, Konatsu. I'm just glad Ukyou is okay." Akane waved off the feminine boy, embarrassed by the display.

"Come on, get up Konatsu." Ukyou nudged his side with her foot. "We need to prep for the lunch rush, and Akane and I desperately need a shower."

Konatsu stood up quickly. "Of course Ukyou-sama." He glanced at Akane, then back at Ukyou, then bowed at the waist. "Do you require me to 'make myself scarce' again?"

Ukyou blinked, then bopped him on the head with her fist. "We're not showering TOGETHER, you hentai!"

Konatsu whimpered and covered his head. "I-I'm sorry Ukyou-sama, I didn't mean any offense! Please forgive me! It's just after…"

"Konatsu?" Ukyou said tightly. "Stop talking."

Konatsu snapped his mouth shut. "Yes, Ukyou-sama."

"Go prep the grill, please." Ukyou said, massaging her temples as she felt her migraine flaring.

"Yes, Ukyou-sama." The kunoichi waitress scurried off quickly.

"What was that about?" Akane asked, confused and oblivious.

"Nothing! Nothing at all! Konatsu just has some bizarre ideas about how to save money on the hot water bill." Ukyou said quickly, ushering Akane inside before her embarrassing situation got any more public.

"Oh! That makes sense." Akane replied. "My sisters and I share the furo sometimes. Though I guess it'd be different with a shower, wouldn't it? It would be a little cramped." She shrugged. "I don't use western-style showers much, so I don't know."

Ukyou tried to massage away the throbbing pain behind her eyes. "Tell you what, you go first, I'll see if I've got anything you can wear."

"Actually…" Akane looked a little sheepish. "I… was wondering if I could help out with the lunch rush?"

Ukyou stared at her. She almost, but not quite managed to stifle the whimper.

Akane's hopeful look turned into a scowl. "Okay, fine! I won't try and cook anything, okay? But I can help! Like we did when you had a cold!"

Ukyou whimpered louder and closed her eyes, wincing.

Akane sighed. "I'll put on the kimono and go attract customers."

Ukyou cracked open one eye. "Bunny suit."

"Not a chance!" Akane scowled. "It's the kimono or nothing!"

Ukyou took a moment to size up the determined set of her jaw, looked almost like she was going to press the matter, then shrugged. "It was worth a shot. Alright, waitressing kimono it is."

Ukyou suddenly had a mental flash, an image of Akane wearing that bunny uniform. The dark haired girl leaned in close with a sultry look on her face and murmured I'll wear it in private later, just for you Ukyou…

"What?" Ukyou blinked and the vision was gone.

"What?" Akane asked, cocking her head. "Are you feeling okay Ukyou?"

"Wha…? Yeah! Yeah… just a little dizzy…" Ukyou covered her eyes and sighed. Ugh… This concussion is messing with my mind.

Akane's brow knit with concern. "Are you sure you're okay to open?"

"Already missed a day of business, sugar." Ukyou sighed. "You don't get paid sick days when you're self employed. If I don't open, I don't make money, and if I don't make money, I don't pay rent."

"Are you sure? I mean, you could go rest, and Konatsu and I could…"

Ukyou winced as her migraine flared. "NO!" She noticed Akane had recoiled and took a breath, modulating. "No… Look, no offense Akane. I appreciate the offer, but my customers don't come here for okonomiyaki. They come here for my okonomiyaki. I've been perfecting it for ten years, and my family has been doing it since before I was born. It'd take me a year to teach you how to make even my basic recipes."

Akane was silent a moment. She studied the floor, lost in thought. Finally, she looked up, eyes full of determination. "All right. Deal."

"Wait, what?" Ukyou said again dumbly, wondering if she had blanked out part of the conversation again.

"I'll work here for free for a year, and you teach me how to make okonomiyaki." Akane said, nodding.

The migraine wasn't going anywhere. It was getting married and starting a family behind her eyeballs now. Ukyou groaned and leaned back against the wall. "Akane…"

"Look, everyone tiptoes around my cooking except you and Shampoo. Even Ranma! They say 'nice try', or pretend they like it, or they try and avoid it, but no one tells me what I'm doing wrong!"

Ukyou narrowed her eyes. "Akane, you've been beyond nice to me for the past day, and so I really don't wanna say this, but… to be blunt? Yes they do tell you. You just don't want to hear it." Ukyou crossed her arms. "The problem is when you cook, you go into this… 'altered state'. It's like you're trying to cook the same way you smash cinder blocks. You get so focused on beating whatever is in front of you to a pulp you aren't even aware of what ingredients you're grabbing and adding."

"I…" Akane's face fell. She rubbed her arm and looked away. "... You're right. Mr. Saotome said the same thing about my martial arts, and I'm finally getting better with that, but this is different…"

"No it's not." Ukyou shook her head. "Not the way I do it." She sighed, feeling very tired suddenly. "Look… I'll do this, but there are some ground rules, and if you break them, the deal is off, clear?"

Akane gave her a hopeful look.

"Rule One? You do what I say. No whining. No arguing. No questioning, and no getting mad. If you can't keep your temper I can't teach you. If I tell you to freeze while you're cooking, you stop moving. Rule Two? No cooking without my supervision. Ever. I don't want you making toast without me there making sure you butter it to my standards. Rule Three? You're here to work, and you'll do work, and if you miss a day and it's not a damn good reason, you get fired. Rule Four? You raise a fist over someone not liking something you cooked ever again, and we're done. Rule Five? When you screw up… and you will screw up… there will be consequences. I can't toss you in a koi pond, but I'll come up with something. You'll take your punishment like a martial artist, and if you refuse, that's the end of this. Got it?" Ukyou glared at her, hoping that she would scoff and balk at the rules.

Instead the hopeful twinkle in Akane's eyes intensified.

Oh crap… Ukyou opened her mouth to forestall the glomp, but she was too late as the dark haired girl embraced her fiercely. Ukyou wheezed as the air was driven from her lungs. There is definitely some Amazon in the Tendo family tree!

"I'm going to make you proud, Ukyou, I swear it!" Akane insisted.

"Okay, sugar, but…" Ukyou eased her off of her and looked into her eyes. "It isn't your cooking that will make me proud. It's how well you listen to and respect me as a teacher. You do that, and I can teach you anything."

Akane nodded, taking a deep breath as she released Ukyou. "I promise."

"Alright, go hit the showers before I come to my senses. Put on one of my spare chef uniforms, not the yukata, though." She watched as Akane bolted up the stairs. "Someone must have hit me in the head…" She muttered. "... Oh wait, someone did. At least I can decide this is all Kuno's fault once this goes horribly."

000

The hot shower worked miracles for clearing Ukyou's head, and while her headache wasn't gone, it had at least receded to a minor annoyance.

She carefully laid out Ranma's red silk shirt on her bed to avoid wrinkles, lovingly smoothing it out. It was roadworn and a little threadbare in places, but that was just evidence of him, and that made it precious to her.

I think I'll wear it to Fiancee's Tea. Rub Shampoo's face in it a little. She smirked. She got her spare bandolier and giant spatula from her closet, as well as a chef's outfit. When she had first arrived in Nerima, she had been carrying a family heirloom, which had gotten sliced in half fairly early on. Since then she had managed to find a metalworker willing to work with unusual requests. It took time, but she had saved up enough to get a couple forged from spring steel. The blacksmith expressed interest in trying to make something out of more exotic materials, but Ukyou simply did have the funds for something like that.

She opted for a regular bra this time. Waking up in her bindings was NOT fun, and she wasn't planning on doing much jumping or running today anyway. She brushed out her hair, retying her ribbon and checking herself in the mirror. It was important to look presentable to her customers, after all.

Satisfied she looked at least neat and professional, she grabbed a notebook and pencil and headed down the stairs. Konatsu was getting the sign ready, and Akane was in one of Ukyou's spare Okonomiyaki uniforms, and Ukyou was pleased to note it didn't look like she had touched anything, though she was fidgeting.

Ukyou handed Akane the book and pencil. "All right Akane. No cooking for today. What you're going to do is watch what I do, from start to finish, and take notes."

"That's it?" Akane asked, cocking her head.

"That's it." Ukyou nodded. "At the end of the rush, we're going to have a little quiz to see if you were paying attention. If you pass, we go on to some basic prep work. If you fail, we do this again tomorrow… but you'll be wearing the bunnygirl outfit."

"What?!" Akane yelped, taking a step back. "I can't…!"

"Oh yes you can! You can and you will, or I'm not teaching you squat, got it sugar?" Ukyou smirked and put a hand on her hip. Just give up, Akane. It'd be a lot easier on both of us.

Akane looked thoughtful a moment, then nodded, that same determined look in her eyes again. "Okay. The Anything Goes School is all about accepting challenges!"

Awww CRAP, she made it a Challenge! Ukyou felt her headache flare up again. That'll make it nearly IMPOSSIBLE to get her to quit! She scrubbed her eyes with the heels of her hands. Well, guess I'm the next dope to try the impossible. "All right. Just stay put and take notes, and watch what I do."

000

The lunch rush thankfully went smoothly. Most of her regulars were sympathetic to her injury and kept things simple for her, which worked out well for her attempts to instruct Akane. In fact, the familiar tasks and light banter with her customers was better than any painkiller, soothing her headache and clearing the mental fog. By the end of the rush she was starting to feel like her old self again.

"I think that's the last of them for now, Ukyou-sama. Shall I bring in the sign?" Konatsu asked, peeking in from outside.

Ukyou wiped her brow and nodded. She had already scraped down the grill, and was nearly done putting away the leftover ingredients anyway. "Thank you, sugar. Sweep out front for now, then get the stuff in the back room sorted for the dinner rush." Ukyou straightened, then turned to Akane. "All right, Akane. Quiz time."

"I'm ready!" Akane said, eager to do something rather than stand around and take notes. Besides, tests she could do!

"All right, first question: What temperature did I set the grill to to start?" Ukyou asked, crossing her arms.

Akane blinked. She opened her book and flipped through the notes, suddenly uncertain. "Ummm… All the way?" She said in a small, uncertain voice.

Ukyou sighed. This was not going to end well. "200 degrees centigrade. Now, what was the next thing I did?"

"You poured the batter on the grill." Akane answered quickly, her confidence returning.

"Wrong." Ukyou said, holding up a finger. "I put oil on the grill first."

Akane winced and shrank a bit, opening her book and starting to panic as she realized her notes were not helping her.

"When I poured the batter, how did I do it?"

"I…You… just poured it?" Akane said weakly.

"No. Did I put the pork belly strips on before or after I flipped the Okonomiyaki?"

"I… After?"

"Before. How long did I cook each side?"

"I… don't know…"

Ukyou folded her arms and shook her head. "All right. Then you fail the test for today."

"Ukyou, if you'd just let me…" Akane reached for the pitcher of batter. Sure she couldn't say what she had seen, but she was certain if Ukyou would just let her do it…

Ukyou smacked the back of her hand with a minispatula. "No cooking. Not until you earn it."

Akane yelped and pulled back her hand. She sighed and hung her head. "What… what do I have to do?"

Ukyou shrugged. "Quit." She turned, then said over her shoulder. "Or, you show up here tomorrow in that bunnygirl costume, and we do this again. Up to you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I got grease on my shirt, so I'm gonna go change it out."

Ukyou tromped up the stairs, her annoyance showing in heavy footfalls. Akane was watching her intently the whole time, she had checked, and yet somehow, bafflingly, absolutely none of that information had penetrated her skull.

She stopped at the top, leaned against the wall and sighed. Partly, she was annoyed at herself for giving the girl hope; Akane was a lost cause and everyone except Akane knew this.

Well, you agreed to teach her, sugar. She reminded herself. Until she breaks one of your rules, it's a matter of honor.

She shuddered. Ukyou wasn't a cruel person by nature and the thought of having to tear someone down like that every day didn't appeal to her in the slightest. Especially not to someone she actually liked.

She continued into her room, stripping off her bandolier and tossing it on the bed. She then pulled off her shirt and tossed it into the laundry basket. She smiled a little as she picked up Ranma's shirt, hugging it to herself a moment before she put it on, taking her time with it. I think I see why Ranma prefers these so much. Silk is so nice! I just wish I could afford a few for myself…

She buttoned up the shirt, grabbed her bandolier and megaspatula off the bed, and trotted down the stairs feeling a little better about things.

She half expected Akane to have slunk off to nurse her bruised ego, but Akane was still standing there, looking subdued, still wearing the Okonomiyaki chef's uniform.

Ukyou had an impulsive thought and walked over to her. She slipped the bandolier over Akane's head, startling her.

"Ukyou, wha…?" She looked down at the bandolier of minispats.

"I'm not going to be doing any fighting today anyway, so if you're going to dress the part, we might as well go for the full look, right?" Ukyou smiled and handed her the megapatula. "Just be careful of the edge, I just sharpened it."

Ukyou felt another lurch in her chest as Akane turned on the full megawatt smile, almost hugging the giant spatula before she arranged the bandolier properly and slotted the oversized implement into the rack on the back. "Thank you, Ukyou!"

Ugh… If I could just be MEAN to her, she'd give up, and we'd both be a lot less stressed in the long run. Ukyou thought wistfully. Ranchan, how ARE you such a callous jerk sometimes? I'm starting to think it might be a useful skill. "All right, all right, let's get going. Shampoo gets cross if she has to wait too long."

000

Akane mulled over her failure as they walked, running through everything Ukyou had been doing. It had seemed obvious while Ukyou had been doing it, but as soon as she tried to replay it in any sort of sequence everything got jumbled and confused.

She makes it look so easy. So does Kasumi… heck, even RANMA doesn't seem to have trouble… why is it so hard to follow the steps? She looked down and picked at the blue shirt she was wearing. She liked it; blue had always been a good color for her. It had always looked so good on Ukyou, and it meant something.

I want to earn this. She thought. And I don't want it to be a gimmie prize because I tried and failed so many times. I don't want to get it to protect my feelings. I really do want to make good food. She glanced at Ukyou. So… whatever it takes, right? Just like in martial arts.

That twinged something in the back of her mind, but the idea fled before she could grasp it. She shrugged, deciding if it was important it would come to her again. She kept looking at Ukyou and smiled. Even knowing how much trouble it'll be… Ukyou's still helping me. She really IS my friend. She cocked her head, momentarily visualizing Ukyou in the red chinese shirt with a long pigtail. Hmmm… actually wouldn't look too bad. She shook her head wondering where that little daydream had come from.

"So… Why this particular tea shop?" Akane asked, falling in step beside Ukyou.

"It's neutral ground. Plus the owner is really nice." Ukyou smiled. "Might take a bit for you to get used to." She led Akane to the unusual little shop, smiling as she heard the cheerful sounds of the seemingly random assortment of charms, wind chimes, and whirlygigs adorning the place.

"'Clara's Leaf Tea Shop'" Akane read out loud. "You said the owner's name is Jiro, though?"

"Yeah. We asked about who Clara was. We could never get a straight answer, but we did find out that the leaf…" She pointed at the preserved red ovate leaf just below the name. "... Is supposedly the most important leaf in the universe. Now retired."

"That's… different." Akane said. Her skeptical look to Ukyou was just returned with bemusement.

"Trust me, Akane." Ukyou opened the sliding doors and stepped inside.

Or would have, if a lavender-haired bullet dressed in a pink cheongsam hadn't struck her squarely in the chest with a cry of "Wode Airen!" and tackled her to the ground.

Akane managed to sidestep as Ukyou and her assailant skidded along the ground a few feet from the impact, Ukyou flat on her back with her attacker on top.

Ukyou grunted, rubbing the back of her head. "Come on, I just got over the last bump to the head…" She paused as she noticed something firmly attached to her chest, and looked down to see a vast amount of soft lavender hair belonging to someone doing an admirable job of wrapping themselves around her. "Shampoo?!"

"Hmm?" Shampoo paused. Her hand when to Ukyou's chest and groped. "Too tall for girl-side. Breasts different too. But familiar." She looked up, and finally realized she had mistakenly jumped the wrong target. "Spatula girl?"

Akane took three big steps back as she prepared to dodge the inevitable eruption of violence.

Which turned out to be less inevitable than she thought. She fully expected both girls to freak out, and get into a hair-pulling tussle as they had in the past. She did not expect Shampoo's grin to widen, and for her to glomp even more intensely as Ukyou tried to squirm free.

"If Spatula girl want same attention Shampoo give Airen, no need to dress up and pretend. Shampoo happy to oblige!" She purred, sliding her arms around Ukyou's neck.

Ukyou's struggles became more frantic as she alternated between trying to pull the Amazon off or to scoot herself away along the ground. "Shampoo, I thought we agreed! Not in front of Akane!"

Akane's eyes widened at the scene. At the mention of her name, her left eye began to twitch.

Shampoo glanced at Akane, and then undeterred resumed her attempts to phase through Ukyou's clothing by way of intense proximity. "Akane can wait turn."

"What on earth do you two think you're doing?!" Akane roared, stomping over to the entangled girls. She didn't know why she was outraged, exactly, but it seemed the appropriate emotion at the moment.

"Akane, I swear this isn't what it looks like!" Ukyou waved her hands frantically then returned to her futile efforts to push Shampoo off.

Shampoo seemed unconcerned, though she looked at Akane curiously. "Violent Girl and Spatula Girl dating now or something?

"NO!" They both cried vehemently.

Akane clenched her fists and stomped "Why would I want to date a… a…" She trailed off as she realized she was just about to launch into her usual cross-dressing freak tirade about Ranma. "... What are we doing?"

"I'm concussed, what's your excuse!?" Ukyou growled and pushed on Shampoo's shoulders. "Shampoo…! It was one time, okay?! We were drunk! Let it, and me go!"

Shampoo gave her a sultry, half-lidded look. "Not that drunk."

Ukyou sighed and gave up trying to pry the girl off. "You are such a jackass!"

Shampoo smirked. "You love Shampoo. Shampoo get you to admit it one day." She kissed Ukyou on the cheek and got off of her, offering a hand to help her up. Ukyou, seemingly unperturbed by the kiss, accepted the hand and let the Amazon haul her to her feet.

Akane was feeling distinctly uncomfortable. There were things going on that she was profoundly unaware of it seemed. "So… Are you two going to explain just what that was?"

Shampoo blinked at her, remembering she was there. "Can answer be 'no'?"

Akane crossed her arms and tapped her foot, expression darkening.

Ukyou sighed. "Come on. I need something if I've gotta explain all of this. Maybe Jiro will be nice and spike my tea with something stronger than cream and sugar."

Akane followed them into the tea shop. The lighting was subdued, but it was not dark. The far ends of the shop seemed to vanish into a soft haze, making it difficult to determine exactly how large the place really was. The wall on one side was dominated by a long wooden counter that featured an array of teapots and burners. The back wall was a solid mass of shelves crammed with clay pots containing various types of teas. The smell of the place was amazing. Like all of the best smells, it was a subtle blend of aromas, and yet somehow, each individual scent was still distinct despite being so faint. There was a balance - a harmony between where no one conflicted with or overpowered any of the others.

Shampoo sat down at the table where she had apparently been waiting, a teapot already set up at its center. Akane sat across from her, and Ukyou took the spot midway between them.

"Should let Jiro know is new customer. Jiro?" She called out into the shop.

A tall man wearing a woman's kimono and a head scarf was suddenly standing on her other side. Akane blinked, certain she would have remembered seeing such an odd man, but unable to shake the sense that he had always been standing there. "Yes, Xian Pu dear? Oh!" He look at Akane and clapped his hands together. He beamed, his perfectly white teeth bright in the low light. "I do believe you've brought me a first timer! Welcome dear!" He was already setting a plain white teacup in front of her. "Welcome to my humble shop. My name is Jiro. Just Jiro, no honorifics or titles or messy, troublesome last names." he extended a hand towards her, palm down.

Akane timidly accepted the hand. "Uhh.. Nice to meet you? I'm Akane Tendo."

"Oh? The Akane Tendo?" He arched one bushy eyebrow. He glanced at Shampoo and Ukyou and smiled. "Well, then this is a special occasion!"

"Oh. Been talking about me, have they?" Akane muttered flatly, withdrawing her hand.

"Oh, not like that!" Jiro reassured her. "Well, perhaps a little like that, but you would be surprised. These two seem a little intimidated by you most of the time."

"Jiro should keep mouth shut about things spoken of in confidence." Shampoo said sharply.

Jiro smirked and rolled his eyes dramatically for Akane. "Yes, of course Xian Pu dear. Now, Akane, I have something of a ritual I insist upon for all new customers." He started to pour tea into the cup in front of her. "The first cup of tea is on the house, but you have to let me try and guess what variety best meets your tastes."

"It's actually pretty amazing." Ukyou replied, sipping from her own cup, a delicately painted cup depicting a scene of rolling hills, and a figure pulling some kind of cart. "I hadn't ever even heard of Pu-erh tea before coming here."

Shampoo smiled and raised her cup. "Jiro pick Silver Tip Jasmine for Shampoo. Tea of Emperor. Best choice, yes?"

"Well, ego-wise…" Ukyou gave her a lopsided grin.

Akane glanced down at her cup and the pale yellow liquid inside. She sniffed it, eyes widening a bit at the delicate fruity aroma. She glanced at Jiro who nodded at her, and took a sip.

The tea immediately reminded her of the kind she had drunk on Togenkyo Island. The flavor of tropical fruits was subtle, not overpowering, with notes of mango, papaya and pineapple. She closed her eyes and could almost hear the seabirds as her mind drifted back to that trip. It had always been a special memory for her, even with all the fighting that had gone on.

"I think that's another hit, Jiro." Ukyou noted wryly.

"My record stands then." Jiro said softly. He smiled and straightened, heading back to the counter.

Akane blinked. "Wait… weren't all of our cups poured from the same kettle?"

Shampoo shook her head. "Silly Akane. That no possible."

"Jiro's just one of those sorts who's elevated service to a martial art all its own." Ukyou replied. "Everything is so perfectly executed that anything that isn't you or your cup of tea just doesn't register. Konatsu keeps begging Jiro to train him."

"You're not interested?" Akane asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Nah. I like to put on a show for my customers. Okonomiyaki isn't exactly 'sit quietly and contemplate your life choices' food." Ukyou sipped her tea. "Not that I don't aspire to be as good as Jiro in my own way."

"Jiro always say this place safe haven for people making important decisions." Shampoo said. "Reminds Shampoo of story Great-grandmother once told of when she considered running away from village to be with love. Hid from Elders in tea shop. Safe place to come to decision."

"It's why we picked this as neutral ground. No fighting allowed, and I don't think Shampoo or I would dare to break that rule, no matter how mad we got. Jiro's just the sort you don't want to disappoint like that." She sighed. "Speaking of 'no fighting'..."

Shampoo held up a hand. "If you mean kiss, no need worry. Airen already tell Shampoo. Give kiss as apology to Shampoo. Even now."

"What!?" Ukyou put her cup down and slammed her hands on the table. "You're lying!"

Shampoo smirked. "Ask Airen."

"I can't believe him!" Ukyou growled, draining her cup in one swallow. "That two-timing… no good…"

Shampoo leaned in closer to the okonomiyaki chef, batting her eyelashes. "Can take kiss back from Shampoo's lips if want, Qinai de."

Ukyou glared at her. "Don't start with me, Shampoo!"

"So Ukyou does remember words Shampoo teach that night. Remember others too maybe, Laopo?"

Ukyou visibly blushed. "I learned more Mandarin than I was really comfortable with that night, actually."

"Would be happy to teach more."

"You just don't quit, do you?"

"Why would? This too-too fun solution to problem, yes?" Shampoo's voice was a low, almost seductive purr now.

Akane cleared her throat. "Should I… leave you two alone for a while?"

"Akane feeling left out?" Shampoo turned her head slightly, smirking at her. "Should learn to share. Much more fun."

Ukyou snapped out the light trance Shampoo had drawn her into, realizing she was leaning in towards the Amazon, and had completely forgotten about Akane's presence. Oh crap! After what happened on the roof… if I DID kiss Akane… She groaned and hung her head. It's the shirt. It must be cursed. If I live through this I have to warn Ranchan…

"And you wonder why you have a reputation as a bimbo?" Akane scoffed. "It's bad enough when you're all over Ranma."

"Shampoo think Akane jealous."

"What!?"

"Saw look on face when give Kiss of Death first time. Cute blush."

"I was NOT blushing!"

Ukyou felt her headache flaring up again. Yes, that's it Shampoo, poke the girl's insecurity about her sexuality some more. Get us kicked out of the only decent place to get any privacy in Nerima. She pulled the envelope out of her pocket, stuck two fingers in her mouth, and whistled. "Okay, time out guys! We have bigger problems than innuendo right now!"

Shampoo cocked her head as Ukyou handed her the envelope. "What this?"

"Ranma's mother has decided to step in to decide the engagement issue." Ukyou said. "She wants to meet all of us to evaluate us and decide who will be the best fiancee for Ranma going forward."

"Is… not Ranma's decision?" Shampoo asked, curious, though she could immediately see the sense of a matriarch stepping in if a silly male relative was having trouble with something. But then again, this wasn't just any male, this was Ranma.

"It should be, in my opinion. Especially given how his father had messed it all up." Ukyou said sourly.

"But that's not how Auntie Saotome sees it." Akane continued. "She's decided to do this to 'help' Ranma. And there's a good chance if she demands it, Ranma will bow to her wishes." She sighed. "She's… also gotten this all mixed up with the manliness question, which means there's the threat of the seppuku pledge hovering over all this."

"Still!?" Ukyou exclaimed, outraged. "So that's where that crack he made against himself not being a 'Man amongst men' came from!"

"Shampoo not understand you Japanese. Act like girl side bad thing. Weakness. For Amazons, is other way around." Shampoo crossed her arms. "Besides, opinion of mother, even as honored elder, not matter. Law is clear."

"She won't see it that way, Shampoo." Akane shook her head. "I don't think she really understands the power she has to hurt him right now. She's so caught up in what she thinks is right for some idealized version of him she can't even see him anymore. Ranma says he and Nabiki are trying to find a way around it, but for now we should play along." She took a deep breath. "So… I'm here to help make sure everyone lives up to Auntie Saotome's expectations, since I know her best."

"Why you help Shampoo and Spatula Girl?" Shampoo asked, suspiciously.

"Because there's another envelope. For Kodachi." Ukyou said.

"And Kodachi is better at the traditional Japanese ceremony thing than any of us." Akane finished. "So we need to make sure she's not even in the running."

"Catch Crazy Girl, stuff in box, mail to South Pole." Shampoo said, shrugging. "Why go to all trouble? Japan have too-too good mail system; Might even get there before die of thirst."

"Because if she catches any of us up to those sorts of things, it's an instant disqualification." Ukyou replied. "So, we play the good Japanese housewives. We all get along. We wear the floral kimonos and speak when spoken to when we're around her, and we stretch this out as long as we can."

"The goal isn't to win, it's to make the choice so difficult she gives up, maybe even decides to let Ranma make the choice." Akane added. "Or at least stall things until Nabiki figures something out."

Shampoo sighed. "Always so complicated. Ranma should just come with Shampoo back to China, be done with."

"Hey, we're not giving up so easily!" Akane insisted, though there was an uncertainty in her voice.

"No have to. You come too. Give Kiss of Sisterhood, pass trials, become Amazons. Then you marry Ranma too. Simple!" Shampoo shrugged. "Not see why you make so complicated all of time."

"Wait… 'Kiss of Sisterhood'?" Akane cocked her head.

"Mmmhmm." Shampoo sipped her tea, settled back in her chair and crossed her legs. "Amazons not only bring strong males into tribe. Can invite strong womens too. But because Amazon Warrior is position of much honor, not as simple for womens. Must pass trials and get approval of elder. Then be considered always being Amazon. Since Ranma defeat both, Kiss of Marriage apply. Normally males not allowed more than one wife, but Ranma kill a god, so Great-grandmother say special rules apply, rules not used since time of Genghis Khan. Great honor!"

"So you could have done this at any time, and dispensed with that whole 'Kiss of Death' thing?!" Akane scowled.

"Not so simple. Kiss of Sisterhood not given to winner of challenge. Seen as submission. Great dishonor. Only given if outsider female cannot be killed. All status of Amazon who surrender in this way go to Outsider. Death considered better." She shuddered. "Thankfully not apply." She gave Akane a hard look. "Not give to Akane right away because Akane bitch when Shampoo arrive. Mean to Shampoo. Mean to Airen. Get in way then not want Airen for own self."

"Well soooorrey for being such an obstacle!" Akane growled.

"Is okay. Shampoo forgive." Shampoo said graciously. "Understand is not Akane fault. Result of bad Japanese upbringing. Backwards thinking of silly male society. Akane not trained right, but have potential. Decided kiss good way to make peace." She glanced at Ukyou and gave her a more seductive smile that caused a blush. "Spatula girl best friend in Japan, and good fighter. Almost as good as Shampoo. Always plan to give kiss. Village probably like 'yaki stuff too."

"So, when were you planning on giving out these 'Kisses of Sisterhood'?" Ukyou asked. She found her cup had been refilled, though as far as she could tell Jiro had never left his place behind the counter. She took a sip.

"Gave ages ago. Great-grandmother give trials, say pass. Both been Amazons for almost a year now." Shampoo said nonchalantly.

Ukyou sputtered, coughing up most of her tea. "What!?"

"Isn't this something you should have asked us about first!?" Akane said, though a small voice in the back of her head pointed out that this made her claim on Ranma at least as strong as Shampoo's.

"Why ask? Is great honor." Shampoo shrugged. "Shampoo worried for a while that Ranma not listen, pick only one wife, but seems Airen has come to senses."

"Oh god, is that why you came onto me that night after the wedding?! I thought you were drunk and depressed!" Ukyou tore at her hair.

Shampoo narrowed her eyes. "Shampoo was drunk and depressed. Airen not following law, stupid Japanese parents getting in way, ruin everything." She huffed. "Also, was horny and Spatula girl hot."

"You can't just… ARRRGH!" Ukyou threw her hands up in the air, face beet red.

"I think I kinda have a gist of what happened between you two, but…" Akane twiddled her fingers. "... Did you two…?"

"Shampoo depressed after wedding. Get drunk. Wander outside, get splashed by car driving through puddle." Shampoo said. "Not good. Too-too much alcohol in system for cat. Ukyou find, get back to restaurant. Give hot water. We talk, drink more, sleep as sisters."

"She doesn't mean that in the Japanese sense." Ukyou clarified, rubbing her head. "'Sleeping as sisters' is a warrior thing with the Amazons. Something like the Spartans used to do I guess? It's… it's supposed to build bonds of closeness and trust…"

"We have sex." Shampoo finished, eliciting a humiliated groan from Ukyou. "Was good! Feel much better, but Spatula Girl be all coy about it after."

"I wasn't being 'coy'!" Ukyou growled. "I'm engaged to be married to a guy. Even setting aside the fact I'm not a lesbian…"

Shampoo gave her a bemused look. "Not enough room in closet for you and all of pictures of Girl-type Ranma you buy from Nabiki."

"I'm not!" Ukyou insisted. "I… I was just curious, okay!"

"Curious for many, many hours."

"I hate you…" Ukyou snarled.

"Not what you keep saying over and over and over again all night…" Shampoo replied sweetly.

Normally Akane would have been outraged by the overly adult conversation. About the situation. About the implication of her own involvement. She would have yelled and pulled out a mallet, and probably blamed Ranma for it all.

Instead, Akane started snickering. Then she was doubled over laughing. Something had snapped inside of her, under all of the stress and worry. She simply couldn't support her indignant outrage anymore and as that crumbled away she finally saw the ridiculousness that had amused her sister for so long.

Shampoo and Ukyou both watched her for a moment, concerned.

"Akane is starting to scare Shampoo…" The Amazon said nervously.

Akane quickly waved her off to reassure her until she could regain her composure enough to speak. "I'm… I'm sorry… I just…" She shook her head. "Ukyou and I were just on our way here to propose we share Ranma so we can all date him, and here you are already ten steps ahead of us, and we're all perverts, and this is exactly the sort of thing I'd have accused Ranma of and malleted him into next week for, except I know the hardest one to convince to go for all this is going to be him, and…" She leaned against the table, panting. "We're all idiots, aren't we?"

"Hmph! Speak for self, Akane Tendo." Shampoo sniffed. "Not Shampoo fault you and Spatula girl slow to see obvious solution."

Ukyou sighed. "Well, the idea was we just have a standing agreement to take turns dating him, not…" She gestured in the air. "... Some Amazonian Polygamy agreement."

Akane winced, immediately realizing there was a significant problem with Shampoo's neat solution. "Ukyou has a point… besides, the Amazon laws would only cover Amazons, right?"

"I'm still not entirely sanguine about being annexed by a tribe of Chinese Amazons in absentia." Ukyou muttered.

"Akane only one in absentia. Spatula girl very present for that part, actually." Shampoo corrected.

"What do you…" Ukyou gave Shampoo a confused look, then a memory twigged and she blanched. "... That… That was just a bedroom game!"

Akane's eye twitched, and she decided to just get it out before they got distracted again. "Nabiki is in love with Ranma!"

The two other girls stared at her.

000

After Shampoo collected the dishes and bounced off back to the Nekohanten, Nabiki was left with a full plate. She had already promised to help the Amazon with school registration, which she needed to do on the sly to avoid any interference from Hana or Himura. That was another task to leave to Hiroshi and Daisuke, and for another day when the School's Registrar was actually staffed.

After that was tracking down the drama club members. She had their names and numbers, thankfully, but that would need to wait until after school hours when they'd likely be home. There were a half dozen other things to take care of, but none of it was particularly doable right now. They'd all require at least a trip back home.

So she had a full plate that she couldn't immediately do anything with, and she hated that., which resulted in her being the one checking her watch as the other girls chatted. Even Ranma, who normally had no interest in gossip, seemed puzzled and fascinated by Yuka's ability to leap from topic to topic with only the most tenuous seeming connection between them, and somehow manage to be strongly opinionated about all of them.

"I hate to cut things short, but Ranma and I should be headed home." Nabiki said. Technically, she didn't need Ranma to come with her, but she had a nagging suspicion she was going to have far less of Ranma to herself in the near future.

"Actually, that was something I'd like to ask about." Sayuri said. "You have a dojo, right? I was thinking about how we were going to manage to have practise without Himura or her flunkies screwing with us. Do you think your Dad would be okay with us using it?"

Nabiki blinked. She hadn't even considered that issue, but Sayuri's idea would keep the team in territory she could secure against Hana's surveillance attempts. Any factors she could keep control of made the Madness more manageable. "That… I don't see…"

"We were going to just go to the local gym, but if it's cool we'd be happy to give the dojo our gym fees instead." Sayuri added, quickly sweetening the deal at Nabiki's apparent reluctance.

Nabiki smiled, and decided she needed to revise her estimation of Sayuri up a few notches. "The Tendo Dojo would be happy to have you as customers. I remember we have a net up in the attic we can set up for you."

"We should meet to start training soon." Ranma said. "No telling what our competition will be like."

"Yeah. We kind of only won that match against the boys because the coach stacked things in our favor." Riko said glumly.

"Don't worry! I got some ideas for training." Ranma winked. "The Saotome School of Anything Goes Volleyball never loses!"

"The Saotome School of Anything Goes Volleyball has also never actually played a match." Yuka muttered dryly. "Owing to the fact you just invented it ten seconds ago."

"Technicality." Ranma waved it off.

"Well, you might as well come along with, then." Nabiki motioned for them to follow. "I'm sure Daddy will be overjoyed to earn some extra income without having to do anything."

"I surprised you don't rent it out more often." Sayuri said. "Even if your Dad isn't teaching martial arts currently, a big hall like that could see a lot of business just from people wanting to rent the space for things."

Nabiki raised an eyebrow, and chalked another point onto Sayuri's tally. She might just be right hand girl material. I really should have shopped around more before settling for Hana. "We could… And I've made this point to Daddy many times…" She had trouble keeping the annoyance out of her voice. "But he always said—and I quote—'The Dojo is a sacred trust, the sanctuary for the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts. It shouldn't be seen as a place for bake sales and office parties.'"

"But… volleyball is okay?" Rin cocked her head, confused.

"Yes, well, when Daddy said that, it was before Happosai's last visit, and before Daddy's entire supply of sake mysteriously vanished." Nabiki smirked.

"Besides, if we put 'Anything Goes' on it, it'll generally get Pop's and Mr Tendo's approval." Ranma added.

"Maybe you could teach us a few martial arts moves while we're there?" Rin said, punching the air enthusiastically.

"It's Ranma." Yuka said. "Martial Arts gets into everything with her."

More like everything IS Martial Arts to her. Nabiki thought. Though that seems to work for her. She might be onto something.

She tuned out the rest of the animated discussion as they walked, her mind wandering through her mental corkboard. She was getting a niggling feeling that something was wrong, the model felt skewed somehow.

"Wow… This place is huge!" Rin's exclamation snapped Nabiki out of her reverie. They were at the front gates of the dojo.

"I always thought it was charming. Like something out of an old samurai movie." Sayuri said. "But… you know, with running hot water and stuff."

"Mostly." Yuka snarked.

"Still, I bet a place like this has a lot of history." Riko said, touching one of the walls.

Nabiki led them inside. "We're home!" She called out.

"Where's Ranma?" Rin asked, noticing the redhead was no longer in the group.

"I'll explain in a minute, just play along." Nabiki replied.

Kasumi stepped out into the hallway and beamed. "Oh my, so many visitors!"

"Kasumi, is Auntie Saotome home?" Nabiki asked, slipping off her shoes.

"No, she went home earlier today. Why?" Kasumi gave her a curious look.

Nabiki breathed a sigh of relief. "Good. Still, good thing Ranma is one step ahead of me on some things…" She opened the front door and beckoned. "Coast is clear, Ranma."

She wasn't entirely sure where the Redhead came from, but suddenly she was standing next to her, and slipped past her into the house. Nabiki closed the door behind her.

"What was that all about?" Yuka asked.

"Ranma's mother is… particular about which form she comes home in. Specifically, she's forbidden her from going to school as a girl."

"But Ranma is a..." Rin started. Then, as everyone turned to look at her, she scowled, readjusting her statement before trying again. "But Ranma's registered as a girl, right? The Principal told her she had to come to school in the girl's uniform every day. If she doesn't, she gets suspended and pulled off the volleyball team, right?"

"Right. Which Ranma's mother also forbade." Nabiki replied.

"But how…?" Sayuri frowned.

Nabiki folded her arms. "'Logic' and 'Saotome' are mutually exclusive terms."

"Hey!" Ranma protested.

"And suddenly why Ranma Saotome is Ranma Saotome makes a little more sense." Yuka said. She kicked off her shoes, then picked them up to carry them through the house.

"I like your outfits, girls." Kasumi said brightly. "Is there an Anime Convention in town?"

"Uhhh… Something like that." Riko said self-consciously.

"Which reminds me, don't forget to change out of those. I'll need to collect them up so they can be altered."

"Awww…" Rin deflated a little. "I liked being dressed like Noriko."

Nabiki lead them through the house and out the back, through the covered walkway to the dojo hall.

"I've never actually been in a dojo before." Rin said as they stepped inside.

"It's not much different from a gym." Riko said. "Just smaller."

"Big enough, though." Sayuri walked out into the middle of the room, visualizing a net strung across the middle. "Yeah, this should be perfect."

"I think we even have a volleyball around here somewhere." Nabiki said. She glanced over and realized Ranma had already found it and was spinning it on her finger.

"We probably shouldn't practice in our new uniforms, though." Riko tugged at her top.

"We just wanted to be sure the space would work. This is good!" Sayuri grinned. "It finally feels like Himura is going to face some real competition!"

"Do you think we can really do this, Senpai?" Rin asked nervously.

"Ranma always thinks she can do it." Yuka replied.

"And I'm always right." Ranma smirked, flexing her bicep. "Give me a few days, and nothing Himura throws at us will faze you girls!"

"Honestly that scares me worse than Himura does." Yuka replied, crossing her arms. "I've heard about your training techniques."

"Ranma will tone it down for us." Sayuri reassured them. "Right, Ranma?" She gave the redhead a warning glare.

Ranma sighed. "Most of that stuff was Pops anyway…" At Sayuri's intensified glare she held up a warding hand. "Okay, okay! Nothing crazy."

"Ranma!" Kasumi called from the house. "Phone call for you!"

"Phone call for me?" Ranma glanced at Nabiki.

000

"You what?!"

Nabiki listened, leaning against the wall, bemused as Ranma stared incredulously at the phone. At first she was worried it was Nodoka with some new hurdle, or Himura with some sort of retribution or other scheme. To her surprise it was Ryouga.

Ranma was rubbing her forehead. "You really are an idiot, pork butt… Hey, I never said I wasn't gonna do it! But why me? Couldn't you have said I was your brother or sister or something?... What do you mean you PANICKED!? Are you seriously telling me this is the first thing you came up with?!... HOW IS THIS MY FAULT!?"

The other girls were peering around the corner curiously. Nabiki smiled at them and shrugged. She had a pretty good idea of the other side of the conversation, knowing Ryouga

"Look, just sit tight… No, look, I know you, okay? Don't even go look out the window or you're gonna end up in Osaka… No, I don't think I am, P-chan…! Oh pipe down, Akane isn't even home now… Don't start with that!" Ranma struggled with the urge to crush the handset into powder, counted to ten, then put it back to her ear. "Just stay put, and I will be there in half an hour. Got it?" She said sweetly. She waited a moment, then put down the receiver. "I am going to sell him to the Korean barbecue shop."

"I know there are some shady barbecue places that are selling questionable 'pork', but I don't think even they will buy a directionally-addled teenager from you." Nabiki said quietly.

"They won't know it's not pork by the time I'm done with him." She said tightly. She took a deep breath and then exhaled. "I need to go get changed. Into something girly because Ryouga is an idiot."

"What did he do this time?"

"He's at the hospital. Apparently they found him naked and ranting in the school, and want to keep him for psychological observation. They're willing to release him, but only to a family member… so the moron told them I'm his fiancee!" Ranma pinched the bridge of her nose.

There was a squeal of delight from around the corner. "Senpai has a boyfriend!?"

"Awwwww crap…" Ranma muttered.

000

"Care to run that by us again, Sugar?" Ukyou said, a low, dangerous note in her voice.

Akane sighed. Nabiki was probably going to be mad, but better they find out when they were out of easy murder range of her defenseless sister. "Nabiki is in love with Ranma." She gave them both a hard stare in turn. "Do you want to know what caused those changes in Ranma you both seem to be enjoying so much? It was Nabiki."

Shampoo quietly cracked her knuckles. "Mercenary Girl telling fairy tales to Shampoo and Great-grandmother, it seem. Maybe time to remind her fairy tales usually have bad endings."

"You will have to go through me." Akane said coldly.

"Akane, she stole Ranma from you! Why would you defend her?!" Ukyou said, incredulous. "Why even tell us, then?"

"Because you're here talking about divvying up Ranma between you like he's a pile of loot and ready to call the problem solved because you found a clever loophole in Amazon law!" She leaned forward. "The only reason you've gotten anywhere with Ranma is because Nabiki has been going without sleep trying to defuse the mess that is Ranma's life. After all that she's done, she deserves her shot. So… I'm advocating for her."

"Akane giving up on Ranma again so easy?" Shampoo asked, raising an eyebrow.

Akane shook her head. "Not a chance! But… Ranma is happier now than I've seen him in so long. And Nabiki… she cares about something, beyond money or material things. They're good for each other." She looked at Shampoo. "Nothing Nabiki said to you or your Great-grandmother was a lie. You must know that by now? Nabiki isn't an 'obstacle' to you. She isn't your enemy. She's gotten you closer to Ranma than you ever did on your own, and she did it all for his sake."

Shampoo narrowed her eyes. "Nabiki is clever. Is ruse."

"A ruse for what? She hasn't asked for a single yen from any of us, has she? No promises, or deals, nothing other than 'help Ranma'." Akane pressed. "Ukyou, she told you to kiss Ranma, and she didn't say a word when you took more than just a peck on the cheek." She narrowed her eyes. "You know how clever she is. If she decided she wanted to steal Ranma from you? He would already be gone. So… if you're going to make deals, you need to include her."

The hardness in Shampoo's expression faded, replaced with exasperation. "Four wives? That pushing it even for Amazon law. And Mercenary girl not martial artist. Can't give Kiss of sisterhood." She slumped in her seat, resting her chin on her fist and sighing. "Tendos know how to ruin good thing."

Ukyou covered her eyes and groaned, leaning back in her chair. She was silent for a few moments. "... Please tell me Ranchan didn't get Kasumi too?"

"Not yet." Akane felt a small grin tug at the corners of her mouth. "Nabiki thinks we should quarantine him."

Shampoo and Ukyou giggled softly at that, the tension breaking. Ukyou rubbed her eyes and looked at Akane. "All right. We'll extend the truce to Nabiki. But she's gotta come here and agree to the same terms as the rest of us."

"I'll get her here." Akane said, nodding resolutely.

"Airen going to have explaining to do." Shampoo said darkly.

Ukyou smirked. "That's good. He kisses better when he's feeling guilty."

Shampoo raised an eyebrow. "How many you get so far?"

Ukyou held up three fingers, grin widening. "One for each side so far, plus a bonus he initiated."

"Feh! Shampoo owed two then." Shampoo groused. "Airen need to learn to keep things balanced, or bad bad things happen."

Akane scowled. "Gee, my heart bleeds for you, Shampoo." She muttered.

Shampoo shrugged. "Akane just need learn take what she want. Want kiss from Airen, then kiss Airen. Males simple things. Need be direct."

Akane looked down at her teacup considering that as her reflection stared back up at her from the pale yellow liquid.

"So… Just to be clear… We're doing this?" Ukyou asked softly. "Together, I mean?"

"Mei cuo. Others trying to meddle with what is ours." Shampoo nodded. "Time for squabbling over. Being Amazon about unity."

"Just like the Three Musketeers." Akane smiled, putting her hand out on the table. "One for all?"

Ukyou leaned forward and put her hand over Akane's.

Shampoo looked to each of them, confused.

"It's a story from France, about a young nobleman named d'Artagnan who seeks to join the King's elite Musketeers of the Guard." Akane said. "He ends up befriending the three greatest Musketeers, Athos, Porthos, and Aramis, and the four of them set out to save the kingdom from an insidious plot."

"Their rallying cry was 'One for all, and all for one'" Ukyou added.

Shampoo arched an eyebrow. "Interesting. Sounds familiar." She reached out and put her hand on top of theirs. "'All for one', then."

"Well, it seems that you've made a decision on whatever it was you girls were so serious about." Jiro appeared suddenly, bearing a tray of cookies which he set down on the table. "On the house. And, a tradition. The last one, I promise, except for all the other ones." He returned to the counter and pulled out a large cardboard box.

"That's right, Akane needs to pick a teacup." Ukyou said, smiling.

"Pick a teacup?" Akane watched confused as Jiro brought over a large box filled with an assortment of teacups in all shapes, sizes and colors.

"People come here to make decisions. Big decisions, small decisions, there's always something." The owner of the odd little tea shop smiled disarmingly. "It's a point of honor for me that no one has yet left without having come to a decision about something that had been bothering them. As a little celebration, I get them to pick out their own teacup."

"I'm not sure…" Akane looked into the box, reaching in timidly. Her hand moved initially towards a yellow one, as yellow was her favorite color, but then something caught her eye.

She pulled out a white teacup, simple western style, but painted with a stylistic representation of a japanese-style building, in minimalist red and black ink. She recognized it as a dojo. "This one."

Jiro nodded, fishing out the matching saucer and placing it on the table, setting the cup on top. "It will be washed and ready for you the next time you visit, Akane Tendo." He took her hand and patted it. "Or should I say 'Aramis'? Yes, I think you're an Aramis. Torn between propriety and the demands of your heart."

"What would that make me then? Athos?" Ukyou frowned, considering that.

Jiro beamed. "Scarred and recovering from love's betrayal? Oh my dear Ukyou, it suits you quite well."

Shampoo cocked her head. "Which one is Sha-"

"Porthos." Akane and Ukyou said in unison.

"Shampoo need to read book, see if you making fun of or not." Shampoo scowled.

"So… I guess all that's left is to grab d'Artagnan and see if she's in." Ukyou said.

000

Nabiki couldn't help but smile, even if the sentiment wasn't shared by the redhead walking next to her.

Ranma had opted for maximum girly, most likely to spite Ryouga. She was wearing the white sundress Akane had bought for her ages ago (And seemed to get passed back and forth between them), had put on a little light makeup and let her hair out of the braid. She'd almost be suspicious of the redhead wanting to impress Ryouga if it wasn't for the look of absolute murder in her eyes.

"It's a little scary how good you've gotten at being girly, Ranma." She noted. "I think you're actually better with makeup than Akane."

"Cologne showed me a few things on Togenkyo. It comes in handy sometimes." Ranma muttered defensively. She swung the cloth shopping bad she was carrying to bleed off some of the nervous energy.

"I'm not complaining." Nabiki said. "You've developed a pretty good aesthetic sense. Also means if I'm feeling lazy I can ask my boyfriend to pamper me and do my makeup for me."

Ranma blushed and ducked her head. "Wouldn't that be… I dunno… a little weird?"

Nabiki snorted. "Nothing about our lives is normal enough to be called 'a little weird', Ranma." She smiled. "I'll settle for whatever makes me happy at this point. Never cared much what others thought."

Ranma paused and looked at her, both hands clasped on the bag handles as she held it in front of her in a way that was unintentionally demure. She cocked her head and scrutinized Nabiki until she started to feel a little self-conscious.

"You don't need makeup, really." Ranma said finally. "But a little eyeshadow, maybe… I only really know what colors are good for me, so I'd have to experiment a little, if that's okay?"

Nabiki felt a pleasant shiver at that thought. Something was very compelling about the idea of letting Ranma run her fingers all over her face while she relaxed. She stepped in closer to the redhead, sliding her arms around her neck, looking down at her. "I think that's more than okay." She purred softly.

Ranma blushed, glancing around, her arms pinned between them and with her unable to extract them without dropping the bag. "Nabiki, we're in public. Very very public!"

Nabiki sighed and reluctantly released the girl. "I suppose we still need to be careful about that." She sighed. "I'll just add this to Himura's tab then."

"I… well that's true, but that's not what I meant." Ranma blushed a little. "I mean… I'm a girl right now. Really really girl, even. I'm not sure you'd want people to see you kissing another girl."

Nabiki raised an eyebrow. "Oh, right." She smiled, put her arms back around Ranma's neck and pulled her in, kissing her deeply before she could muster another protest. She kept kissing her until she felt her relax in her arms and start to return the attention.

She broke the kiss. "Don't want to smudge your makeup…" She explained, then leaned in and whispered in her ear. "... Yet."

Ranma's soft whimper was rather satisfying. Nabiki felt a slight pang for teasing the girl, but there was also something thrilling about knowing that she had that kind of power over the strongest martial artist in Japan.

"Come on, we'd better not keep your fiance waiting." She gave the redhead a gentle push towards the doors.

Ranma shook her head and took a deep breath. "Just… don't do that in front of Ryouga? They see that much blood come out of one person they won't care that it's a nosebleed, they'll put him in intensive care."

"No promises." Nabiki said playfully.

The reception area of the hospital was stark white. Antiseptic. People sat in the waiting area, none of them looking very happy to be there, but Ranma hardly blamed them. There was that lingering smell all hospitals had. She wrinkled her nose in distaste.

"Can I help you?" The bored looking nurse at the reception desk asked. She was watching whatever was on the screen to her right, and wasn't even directly addressing Ranma.

"Ummm… My name is Ranma Saotome. I understand you have my… nnh… fiance Ryouga Hibiki here?" She gritted her teeth, managing not to gag on the words.

The nurse looked up at her, sighed as Ranma had provided an answer that required actual work, and turned to her computer, clicking and typing for a few moments wordlessly. Just when Ranma was about to clear her throat, the nurse spoke again.

"Room 1268. Elevators to your left. Twelfth floor, go to the right. You'll need to talk to the floor nurse, and sign the release forms after you speak with the doctor. Have a nice day." She turned her gaze back to the other monitor, which Ranma realized now was showing some kind of TV drama. She had navigated the entire exchange without acknowledging Ranma directly once.

"Errr… thank you." Ranma bowed politely. She got no further response from the nurse, so she took a left and headed down the hall towards the elevators.

"I hate hospitals." Nabiki shivered next to her, rubbing her arms.

"Why?" Ranma asked as they reached the elevators. She reached out and punched the call button.

"My Mom." Nabiki replied softly. "She… was in a place like this a lot near the end."

"Oh… I'm sorry." Ranma muttered awkwardly.

The door slid open, and they stepped onto the lift. There wasn't even any cheesy elevator music to cut the silence, though thankfully it was a short ride.

The smell was worse on the twelfth floor. It was a mix of antiseptic, and a multitude of unpleasant smells that one assumed the antiseptic was used to clean away, with only partial success. It was like someone had tried to scrub away the smell of sickness itself.

Ranma turned to the right, immediately seeing the floor nurse's desk. Seated behind it was a nurse that could have been a clone of the one at the main desk; she was even watching the same TV drama.

"Hello? My name is Ranma Saotome. I'm here about Ryouga Hibiki? He's in room 1268." Ranma said.

The nurse looked up, giving her a cursory examination. "Mnnh." She pulled out a clipboard and handed it to her. "Fill this out please. The doctor will be out to see you shortly."

Ranma scowled at the form. She looked hopefully over at Nabiki, but the middle Tendo seemed distracted by something. "Nabiki?"

Nabiki put a hand on her shoulder. "I need to check something. I'll be back in a minute, okay?" She walked off briskly, leaving Ranma alone to face the horrors of paperwork unaided.

Ranma sighed, resigned to her fate. She sat down in one of the uncomfortable chairs and started filling out the confusing form as best she could.

000

Nabiki prided herself on being observant. When in a fight, there weren't many details that escaped Ranma's notice, but outside of that she tended to ignore the same small details that other people did. But Nabiki was always on.

So when Ranma failed to noticed the broken bokken in the trash behind the nurse's station, it wasn't surprising.

Nabiki put a hand on Ranma's shoulder. "I need to check something. I'll be back in a minute, okay?" She walked off before Ranma could protest.

After what happened to Akane and Ukyou, if Ranma knew Tatewaki Kuno was on this floor, there would almost certainly be an altercation. Which is why she didn't tell her. She just needed to find out what room he was in so she could steer Ranma clear of it without arousing suspicion.

It didn't take her long before she heard a familiar voice coming from one of the rooms. Principal Kuno. She slowed her steps to avoid making noise and crept up to the door to listen.

"... And dey got you hopped up on dis poison again!" the elder Kuno's voice came through the partially open door.

"The doctor said…" Tatewaki's uncharacteristically subdued voice replied, but he was cut off.

"No! I said none o' dat years ago, and it stands! Doctors are all quacks! Saying ye crazy, just like dey said I was crazy, jus' cuz we be havin' de monies!" The elder Kuno ranted. "I no be crazy, and so neither be you!"

"Yes, father."

"You stay here an' heal up, but don't take any o' dere muck. I send yer sister will home remedies later. Dat fix ye up. Otherwise, keep quiet, ye?"

"Yes, father."

Nabiki ducked into the vacant adjoining room as Principal Kuno stormed out of the hospital room with uncharacteristic rancor. He paused, took a breath, readjusted his hawaiian shirt, his trademark idiotic grin spreading once more across his tanned face, and he resumed walking away.

Nabiki peered out the door until she was sure he was gone, then slipped back out into the corridor and slowly opened the door to Tatewaki's room.

Kuno was lying propped up in bed, eyes dull, tray of partially eaten food in front of him. His torso and shoulders were encased in plaster, limiting his arm movements, and he had visible bruises on his face and places the cast didn't cover.

"Kuno-baby? You look rough." She said quietly. I should find out what's going on with him. At least I can let Akane know she didn't permanently cripple him.

He looked up at her and blinked, eyes a little unfocused. "Nabiki… Tendo?" He said, a little uncertainly.

"That's right." She walked into the room, closing the door behind her gently. "You've looked better. You've looked worse, too, to be fair. How are you holding up?"

His eyes dropped again. "... Confused." He said finally. "... Am I in a hospital again? Is my mother here?"

"Your… mother?" Nabiki blinked. She hadn't heard him refer to his mother since… Her eyes fell on a pill bottle on the fold out table his dinner was on. She picked it up, looking at the label. Aripiprazole? For treatment of Schizophrenia and bipolar… oh.

"The doctor said I might feel disoriented because of the anaesthetic. He also said I had not been taking my pills for a long time." He seemed to be trying to focus on the pill bottle she was holding, and failing. "Father doesn't want me to take the pills anymore."

"You should probably listen to the doctor and take them…" Nabiki said softly, putting the pill bottle down. She cocked her head, seeing something in his eyes she hadn't seen in a long time. "... Tachi-kun."

"... The book… I haven't been able to find it." He looked up at her apologetically. "I hope those bullies didn't steal it."

"The book?" She asked, sitting on the edge of his bed.

"The Book of Five Rings." He replied. "I can't find it. I asked father if he could bring it, but he ignored me. He… must be too busy. I can't… I can't remember…" He moved his arm, as if to rub his head, but the cast restricted his movement. "... I got beaten up again, didn't I?"

Nabiki smiled, a little sadly. "Yes, you did, Tachi-kun." She said softly. "I'm sorry I wasn't there this time to patch you up."

"I… Do not wish for you to see me so weak, Nabiki Tendo. This was probably for the best." He replied. He looked around. "Where am I?"

"In the hospital, Tachi-kun. You're a little out of it from the anaesthetic." Nabiki patted his hand. "Just relax."

"I dreamt that Tomoe Gozen attacked me." He said softly.

"Something like that." Nabiki replied with a smirk.

He looked at her, and she watched as so many emotions passed across his face. Confusion. Fear. Regret. Happiness. Worry.

"Are you mad at me?" He asked.

"No. Why would I be?" Nabiki replied softly.

"I feel… As if I… as if there is a reason…" He frowned. "The medicine… I stopped taking my pills, didn't I?"

"I think you did." She said. "I didn't know you were taking them, or I would have told you."

"Father thinks they're shameful. He hides them. Throws them out." His eyes came to rest on the bottle again, squinting as he tried to focus. "They bring him trouble. Mother is away, so I have to be on my best behaviour. I can't bring him trouble…"

"Tachi-kun?" She squeezed his hand until he looked at her. "Promise me you'll keep taking your pills? Even if it makes your father mad?"

"Why?" He blinked slowly, eyes still fogged and unable to focus.

"Because you went away when you didn't take them, and I didn't know where you went." Nabiki dropped her own eyes. "I should have guessed… but I didn't. And I didn't like who took your place."

His eyes narrowed, and a little more clarity entered them. "I'm… sorry…"

"It's okay." She smiled at him again weakly. "I know now. If you forget, I'll remind you. And if you go away again, I'll understand why this time. But I'd like it better if you could stay."

He thought for a moment, then nodded, slowly and deliberately. "I will try."

000

"Ms Saotome? Ms. Saotome?"

Ranma was so engrossed with her legendary struggle with Form 24C-LM that it took a couple of repetitions of the Doctor saying her name for her to look up an acknowledge him. "Oh! Uh, sorry…!"

The doctor was a man in his early 50's, with greying hair at the temples and a large number of laugh lines around the eyes. He was wearing wire frame glasses with small lenses. He smiled and waved his hand. "No, no, not at all. Would you prefer Mrs. Hibiki then?"

Through herculean effort, Ranma managed to suppress the violent urge to gag. "Oh, uh… We're not married yet." She flashed him a big smile to cover, relying on the old magic of being cute to smooth away any suspicion.

The doctor chuckled. "You'd be surprised. We have more and more couples who are living Common Law before officially registering for a marriage license these days. Some are even quite particular about it. My name is Doctor Masamune Hirano. I'm the resident neurologist at this hospital." He extended his hand, which she shook. "I wanted to talk to you about your fiance before we released him to you."

Ranma sighed. "What did he do now?"

Doctor Hirano seemed a little taken aback. "Well, aside from being naked in a high school where he wasn't even registered?"

Ranma winced. "Well… aside from that?" She chuckled weakly.

The Doctor sighed. He took off his glasses, producing a cloth from his breast pocket, and started polishing them. "I'm not accusing your fiance of wrongdoing, Ms. Saotome. Quite the opposite." He gave her a tired look. "Your fiance is showing signs of disorientation, and what I suspect are symptoms of acute depression, and possibly paranoia. Since coming here he's gotten lost trying to get to the bathroom seven times. I would like to have him come back for a CAT scan or MRI, or at the very least some bloodwork."

"Why? How would that help him getting lost all the time?" Ranma cocked her head.

"There are a number of neurological conditions that can impair spatial reasoning." He put his glasses back on. "I can't really speculate without knowing more about it, but… The issues he has could be indicative or larger neurological problems. Ones which could worsen if left untreated." He sighed. "I… tried to discuss this with him directly, of course, but he was not receptive."

"Does this mean you're not going to release him?" Ranma asked nervously.

Doctor Hirano was silent a moment, taking his time to phrase what he was going to say. "There's no legal reason to hold him, The school isn't pressing trespassing charges, and as he's known to several people attending the school, including yourself, there's no real suspicion of wrongdoing. But if my fears are realized, it could impair his ability to function in normal society. It would be unconscionable of me not to try… so I am asking you to see if you can convince him to reconsider even a cursory evaluation. I won't pretend to know his situation or yours with any authority… but it was quite obvious even to an outside observer such as myself how frustrating and embarrassing his navigational difficulties are for him. It may be something we can help with."

Ranma's gaze dropped as she considered that. "I… It's just he's always been like this, ever since we met in junior high. I mean, the rest of his family is the same way. I wasn't really thinking 'brain damage', you know?"

"So it is hereditary then?" The Doctor rubbed his chin. "That would make his reluctance to address the problem make more sense." He reached into his pocket and produced a business card. "While there's no immediate reason to detain him any longer, I would appreciate if you tried to talk to Ryouga about this? Here is my number; If he changes his mind, or his condition worsens, or even if you just have questions yourself, please don't hesitate to call me?"

"I… sure. Thank you." Ranma accepted the card, a little unsure what to do with it. She finally just palmed it, not having any pockets on the dress she was wearing. "Can I see him now?"

"Of course. He's quite anxious to see you." Doctor Hirano smiled and motioned for her to follow him. He lead her along the row of rooms until they reached 1268.

The doctor knocked on the door. "Ryouga? I have someone here to see you."

"Oh thank god…." Ryouga's voice came from inside.

Doctor Hirano smiled and opened the door, and motioned for Ranma to enter.

"Hey, how're you doing, bacon breath?" Ranma said, giving a small wave.

Ryouga was sitting on the edge of the bed, in a hospital gown with a terrycloth robe draped over. The joy and relief in his eyes at seeing salvation immediately morphed into barely restrained rage as Ranma used the familiar insult.

"Uh… it's a pet name." Ranma said in aside to the doctor, smiling weakly.

"I'll leave you two be. Just see the nurse for checkout. And think about what I said." He nodded to them both, then closed the door behind him.

"I swear to god if you screw this up I'm going to put you in the morgue downstairs." Ryouga growled.

"I love you too, sweetie." Ranma said brightly, beaming at him and batting her eyes, which just inflamed the fury in his expression.

She dropped the act after a second and walked over. "Oh pipe down, P-chan! You were the one who called me, remember? You owe me for this." She handed him the bag. "Here. Figured you'd need some clothes."

The fury bled out of his eyes and he grabbed the bag, opening it and sighing in relief. "Ohhh thank you..." He dug into the bag, pulling out a pair of black pants and an orange shirt. "This your stuff?"

"Yeah. Kasumi is washing yours. It kinda got soaked and sat in a tool shed for a few days." And then in the dojo a bit longer because I forgot about it until you called. "I haven't worn it in forever, and it's clean."

Ryouga dug further and pulled out a pair of boxers. "... Ugh. These yours too? No thanks."

Ranma scowled. "Look, you're not going commando in a pair of my pants!"

"You'd rather I wear a pair of your underwear?"

"That's getting burned afterwards." Ranma crossed her arms. "Or, if you're gonna be a whiny bitch about it, I can trade you for the underwear I'm wearing right now. Panties would probably suit you better anyway."

Ryouga growled, but didn't reply, extracting the rest of the clothes. "Fine." He stood up and glared at her. "You gonna watch me change, too?"

She rolled her eyes and turned away, facing the wall. "Not like you've got anything I haven't seen before, Pork-butt." A small voice nagged at her about Himura and insults, and if she was feeling guilty about relentlessly insulting Akane, then why would it be different for Ryouga? But she suppressed that thought with the cold certainty that until he owned up to what he had done to Akane he had every single one of them coming.

"Yeah, well, doesn't mean I want a girl watching me change." He muttered.

Ranma smirked. "You should be so lucky!"

"I like to think I'd have better taste in women." Ryouga snorted. "I may not be a Casanova like you, but I do have standards."

Ranma whirled. "Hey! You'd be lucky to get a hottie like m…" She trailed off as her gaze trailed down, then she clapped her hand over her eyes and spun back around. "Would you please finish putting your pants on?" She said tightly, gritting her teeth.

"I'm trying!" Ryouga growled, hurriedly dressing. "Give me a minute, would you? Your clothes are too small!"

"You are not that much bigger than me, Ryouga!" She resisted the urge to turn and glare at him again. "Are you done yet?"

"Hang on… I'm trying to figure out the collar… what is this stupid bow tie thing?!"

She exhaled in frustration and turned, stalking over to him. "Here, let me do it, or we'll be here all week!"

Ryouga tried to bat her hands away, but to no avail. "Hey! I can do it…! Fine!" He leaned over a bit with his head turned to the side to let the petite redhead reach his collar and tie the unusual bow. After a moment he glanced back, curious. "Are you… wearing makeup?"

"Yeah? What's it to you?" She replied testily, focused on the bow tie. It was a little trickier from this angle. "I had to play it up… hold still… To make sure nobody asked any questions. Doctors and nurses are usually smarter than your average soda jerk or high schooler, y'know."

A mean smirk tugged at Ryouga's lips. "No, no… it suits you Ranma. You're exactly the sort of guy who should be wearing eyeshadow."

Ranma scowled. Her first impulse was to pull on the knot and just strangle the stupid jerk with his own shirt, but a better idea came to her, something more from Nabiki's playbook. She tugged in his collar a bit to pull him down a little closer. "You know what? You're right. It does suit me. You know why? Because I can be a man amongst men, and still have enough left over to rock the girl side. I do everything well, because I'm just that good." She gave him her best sultry smile, mimicking the playful smirk Nabiki always used to get Ranma off-balance. "The curse doesn't stop at half measures; Why should I?"

Ryouga blinked, confused. Then his eyes drifted down for a moment and it was as if a light switch had been flipped; he suddenly started blushing. "H-hey, lemme go…"

"Just realized I really am a girl, huh Ryouga?" She smirked and released his collar. She wanted to push a little harder, push him into the corner of his own hypocrisy, but she knew the lost boy was already dangerously close to retreating into his 'Die Ranma!' mode, and she didn't particularly want to risk getting that nice doctor hurt, much less Nabiki.

Speaking of which… "So why don't you wanna get them to check you out? That Doctor seemed to think he could figure out why your sense of direction is so lousy."

Ryouga scowled. "That's none of your business... "

Ranma leaned against the door, subtly barring the way out. "Come on, Ryouga. What have you got to lose?"

"Because it's a curse, not a medical condition!" Ryouga growled. "My head is fine."

"That's debatable. He noticed you're depressed too." She cocked her head. "Actually, you've been snarkier than normal. You usually don't come at me that hard unless I've really done something to piss you off. Everything okay?"

Ryouga looked away and clenched his fists. "Can we just go, please?"

She studied him for a moment. She could see tears in the corners of his eyes. He wasn't even bothering to lie.

She sighed. "All right, let's get you out of here." She stepped away and opened the door for him.

000

The three of them walked in awkward silence. Ryouga had his hands jammed in his pockets and his shoulders hunched, emoting 'I don't want to talk' as hard as possible.

Ranma and Nabiki flanked him on either side, subtly course-correcting him. It was difficult to have a conversation through a sullen teenager, but they didn't dare trust him to follow them on his own recognizance in his current state of mind.

Ranma breathed a sigh of relief as they reached the dojo. Now she could finally scrub her face, change her clothes, and get some hot water.

Ryouga stopped walking.

Ranma and Nabiki turned to look at him, confused. At this point Ranma had expected him to sprint ahead of them to get to the door.

"Is… Is Akane here?" He asked softly.

"She's probably home by now." Nabiki replied. "She'll be happy to see you."

He continued to look at the archway. Some unnamed emotion played across his face, and then he looked away. "Actually… Ranma, could you lead me back home? My home, I mean."

Ranma just stared.

Nabiki shrugged. "All right, I'll tell Kasumi you might be late for dinner. Have fun, Ranma!" She waved and walked to the gate, pushing it open and slipping inside.

"Ryouga what the hell!?" Ranma demanded. "We passed your place on the way here!"

"Fine. I'll find it on my own." Ryouga waved and turned an started walking away without another word.

"I…" Ranma watched Nabiki disappear past the gates, behind which would be the dojo, within which was the furo she desperately wanted a soak in. And in the opposite direction was the receding figure of Ryouga, without pack, umbrella or any sort of supplies, headed home. Going the wrong way, naturally.

"Arrrgh!" She stomped after the lost boy, grabbing his arms and yanking, dragging him back onto course.

""Hey, what're you…?!" Ryouga yelped.

"Shut up, P-chan. You are going to shut up and follow me, and not say a damn thing." Ranma snarled. "If you kick up a fuss I will break your legs and drag you home by the collar if I need to. And this is the very last favor I am doing you, so if there is anything else your self-centered little heart desires more than a guided tour to your own house, say it now."

"Don't put yourself out on my account, Ranma." Ryouga muttered, trying to tug his arm free.

"You coulda said that before I impersonated your fiancee on a legal document." Ranma glared at him, refusing to release his arm. "And stop trying to pull away, if I let go of you you'll be in Alaska before I can blink."

"Hey, the only reason I was in the hospital was your fault, Ranma!" He growled back. "And if you keep holding my arm like that… people are gonna think…" He looked around nervously.

"That I'm your fiancee? Gee, I wonder where a crazy idea like that could have come from." Ranma groused. "Your girlfriend doesn't even live in Nerima, and Akane knows better, what do you care what some nosy couple down the road thinks?"

Ryouga grimaced. "Unlike you, I value my reputation."

"They don't even know you! You're at your own home less than that stupid vacant lot you keep camping out at!" Ranma huffed.

"I would think you'd be happier if P-chan got scarce for a while, huh?" Ryouga replied. "I'm trying to do the right thing and not go running to her when…" He trailed off. "... Forget it."

Ranma peered at him. "Is this about you not being able to see Akari for a few weeks?"

Ryouga looked away. "It's more complicated than that. Look, I don't wanna talk about it."

Ranma closed her eyes and counted silently to ten. Ryouga had a talent for getting stubborn about the wrong things at the wrong time. "Hey, man, I'm just trying to help you. Believe it or not, I want you and Akari to get together."

"So you can have Akane all for yourself?!" Ryouga growled.

Ranma rolled her eyes. "Well, I wouldn't mind a little less of the 'How dare you so-and-so Akane, Ranma, prepare to die!' crap, yeah. But also? It's not like I like seeing you depressed all the time." She elbowed him gently in the ribs. "Despite what you always say, I am not out to destroy your happiness. I'd much rather have a happy, emotionally well-adjusted rival, thanks."

Ryouga scowled. "Sorry to disappoint."

"Oh come on, that's not what I meant!" Ranma sighed in frustration.

They walked silently for a while. Finally, Ryouga spoke up. "Remember Ryugenzawa?"

Ranma blinked. "Err… yeah. Big forest, fulla giant animals, magic healing water, and a big eight-headed monster thing, right?"

"Right." Ryouga continued. "Well… Akari and I went for a walk one day. I was trying to work up the nerve to ask her on a date, and I wasn't paying attention to where we were going… and…"

"You ended up in Ryugenzawa?!" Ranma said incredulously.

"Not right away!" Ryouga shot back, then his face fell. "We… we had to wander a lot first. And I hadn't brought my pack, and Akari didn't have anything with her. She's used to travelling with Katsunishiki, so she's not used to hiking. After a while, she couldn't walk anymore, the blisters on her feet got so bad."

"Oh geez…" Ranma said softly. Akari was by no means a weak girl, and Ranma had seen her endure a fair bit of punishment for Ryouga's sake, but Ryouga's little 'treks' could be rough."

"I carried her, but then… I fell in a stream. So it was just her and P-chan." He clenched his fist. "I was helpless! And then… something huge came out of the forest. She… she couldn't run."

Ranma's eyes widened. "You… Wait, is Akari okay!?"

Ryouga nodded. "That guy showed up. Shinnosuke. The one with the broom and the bad memory, that keeps the animals in check? He saved her. Took us back to his grandfather's place and nursed Akari back to health." He sighed. "Seems his grandfather and Akari's knew each other, both being animal handlers. Called Akari's grandfather to come pick her up."

Ranma breathed a sigh of relief. Akari was a sweet girl, and didn't deserve the kind of beatings the critters in Ryugenzawa could dish out. "At least you got out of there, right?"

Ryouga laughed bitterly. "Akari's grandfather picked us up in a truck. The whole drive back, I could feel his eyes on me. Asking 'Why didn't you save my granddaughter?'" He hung his head. "I was useless to her when she needed me most, and because of the danger I put her in."

"Which is why you should maybe go talk to that doctor?" Ranma poked his side.

Ryouga grunted noncommittally.

"Hey, if there was a modern medicine way to fix my problems, doncha think I'd take it?" Ranma said.

Ryouga smirked. "There is. It's called 'castration'."

Ranma glared at him, then she covered it with a sweet smile. "See, that's funny! Because I was just thinking that as a responsible pet owner, Akane should really get P-chan neutered. I was actually going to suggest it to her today!"

Ryouga blanched. "You wouldn't…"

The smile vanished. "I wasn't planning on it, but if you're gonna make jokes about that kinda thing…"

"Fine, fine!" Ryouga sighed. "Topic is off-limits."

They walked a little further in silence.

"I wonder if there's a vet that will neuter pandas…" Ranma said softly.

That got through Ryouga's bad mood. He smirked. "Probably not, but I'm sure the zoo would be happy to have him for their breeding program."

"That's all we need, Pops being a terrible father to an entirely different species." Ranma chuckled.

Ryouga looked at the ground as they walked, lost in thought a moment. He took a breath finally. "If… If I did go talk to that doctor about the brain scan thing…"

"Yeah?" Ranma waited.

"Would… would you…" Ryouga mumbled. "I mean… I don't want to go alone, but… I can't have Akane or Akari seeing me like that…"

"I think it'd raise a lot of questions if I didn't go." Ranma noted. "But… yeah, no problem. It's a curse thing, right?"

"Not the same curse." Ryouga noted. "Uhh… but… thanks." He mumbled the last bit.

"Maybe in return you can help me with my curse problem? Specifically the Principal and him trying to disqualify me in Himura's little game." She cocked her head. "It's all hot water stuff, so no problem for you."

Ryouga considered.

"I mean, it's his fault you ended up in the hospital in the first place, what with him rigging up every water pipe in the school to the boilers." Ranma added, giving Ryouga's well-developed sense of vengeance a nudge.

"Yeah… Yeah! That's right! It's all the Hawaiian Freak's fault!" Ryouga clenched his fist.

"That's the spirit!" Ranma said. "I can't lay a finger on him unless he does something to me first, or he'd have grounds to suspend me, but you're free to pound his stupid spray-tan face in. That'll leave me free to deal with Himura, and then maybe finally my life can get back to normal."

"Whatever the hell that is for you." Ryouga replied, but the idea of a suitable vent for his frustrations had him in a much better mood.

"See? This all worked out for the best." She looked up, seeing they had arrived at Ryouga's house. And got him home with enough time for me to get back for a quick bath before dinner. Today's gone pretty well, all things considered.

Before they could reach the door however, it opened, a woman in her mid thirties inside. She had dark hair and wore a yellow scarf with black marks. She froze as she saw the both of them. "R-Ryouga?"

Ryouga's eyes were wide, as if he had seen a ghost. "M-mom?"

Ranma looked at Ryouga, then the unfamiliar woman, then at Ryouga's arm, which she was still holding firmly, in a way that could be mistaken as rather familiar. "Awwwww crap…"

000

So, another chapter down!

It was nice to be able to visit Jiro's Tea Shop again. It seems some progress is being made! Which... probably means something else is going to go off the rails hardcore... Oh hey Mrs. Hibiki!

I punctured some holes in the whole idea of 'Shampoo is a Bimbo' here. She's UNINHIBITED, yes, and her Japanese is bad, but she's hardly STUPID. Feel free to fight me on the Internet over it.

I'm planning on getting more into RYOUGA'S curse in the future, too. Not the pig, the directional impairment. Which means it's likely the good Doctor will return. His name is a fusion of the names of two Japanese neurologists I picked at random. Doctor Tofu is likely going to get involved too. And no, I suspect a Neurologist and a Chiropractor are not going to work together smoothly at first, even if I expect both will be entirely professional about it.

And... As for the elephant in the room? I will address it now. *Ahem*...

"Good Elephant."

That is all.