EDIT: As of March 20, 2011, this chapter has been completely edited and revised. So, to any longterm fans- it's well worth a reread.

The bedside lamps were all on, casting a warm glow about the room. The bedroom door was firmly shut.

Zack was ready.

He had no idea what was taking Cody so long to finish his bath; but in the meantime, Zack had made sure that when Cody got back to their room he'd have no place at all to hide.

Last time, they had made confessions in the dark as frightened brothers. This time, they would converse as equals.

This time, the lights would be on. And this time, Zack wasn't gonna screw it up.

All Zack had to do was wait. Never mind that he'd waited hours already. It didn't matter. Zack would keep waiting. He'd wait all night if he had to. He'd do whatever it took to make things right between them again.

Of course, there was always the chance Cody would just camp out in the bathroom. Or spend the night in the living room. Or sneak out and sleep in the hallway, if he was that desperate to get away from him.

To be honest, Zack had no idea how upset Cody was, or if he was even still upset with him at all; because ever since their mom had nearly interrupted them making out on the couch Cody had gone to extreme pains to avoid him either way. Last night he had slept at Bob's house. But tonight, Bob was at a concert with his family. Cody had no obvious escape.

Zack didn't like the fact that Cody thought he had to hide. He had thought their friendship- and brothership, or whatever- was stronger than that.

A knock at the door. Zack's ears perked at the sound, and though he longed to leap up and open the door right away, just to see his brother's expression, he restrained himself.

"Come on in," Zack called out, schooling his voice to sound bored. The door opened.

The room beyond Cody was dark—meaning Carey was sleeping. Cody blinked as his eyes adjusted to the dim light, his eyes scanning the room until they landed on Zack.

And saw where he was sitting. On Cody's bed.

The door shut behind Cody with a click. He responded to Zack's silent gesture of defiance by taking his seat on Zack's bed instead- seemingly unperturbed. But Zack had anticipated that.

He stood, facing his brother, ready to put up a fight if he had to. To his surprise, Cody stood as well.

He was wearing a fluffy blue bathrobe that was too short for him, coming to his mid thighs—the same robes he'd owned since they were eleven. Now, at sixteen, the robe made him look thin and gangly, and much taller than he actually was. Zack suspected Cody secretly liked that part, and that it was the only reason he still wore the damn thing.

"Cody—" he began, at the same time as Cody spoke his name.

They stopped, staring at one another. Zack gestured uneasily. "Go ahead."

"No… that's okay. You go first." Cody sat back down, feeling restless.

Zack mirrored his brother's position on the other side of the room, arms crossing in front of him.

"Fine."

Zack stared at his brother, searching for the best way to begin. Cody refused to look at him, however, and Zack felt at a loss. He got up and began to pace— something he often did when he was agitated— but he paused at the window, looking out.

"You're avoiding me," he tried. Waited. When no response was forthcoming, he turned to face his brother, suddenly angry. "And I hate it. You're the one who made me promise, before we... you know, kissed—" he ignored Cody's wince— "that things wouldn't get weird between us. And now..." He gestured vaguely between them. "Here we are. And things are weird." He crossed his arms, staring his brother down. Daring him to look at him.

"You're right, of course," Cody said eventually. He glanced up for barely a second before returning to stare at the floor. "I have been avoiding you."

Well. Zack blinked. That had certainly knocked the wind out of his sails.

He returned to the bed to fidget.

"I'm sure you want some kind of explanation," Cody continued, glumly. "You want me to tell you everything's okay, that I just needed time to calm down— that we can be normal again, now."

Zack started to speak; then reconsidered at the look on Cody's face.

"I don't have any answers for you, Zack," he was saying. Cody rubbed his hands together, elbows braced on knees.

"How can you give up so easily?" Zack felt all bent out of shape, and for once Cody was the emotionally unavailable one. And the world didn't make any sense.

Cody looked at him, surprised. "I'm not. I just don't see how we're supposed to forget... it. Pretend like it never happened." A measured glance. "There was a line yesterday, Zack, and we crossed it. Okay? We can't go back to where we were before."

Zack snorted disparagingly and jumped up. Cody shrank back, surprised, but Zack came closer anyway. "Then we don't," he said simply.

"What?"

Zack waved his hands, gesturing between the two of them. "This. Let's not forget." His voice was low and intense.

Cody shook his head. "I thought you wanted to fix things."

Zack took another step— stopped. His shoulders square.

He was irritated with Cody's sullen attitude, his outward resignation. Mostly, though, he was irritated at himself: at being unable to communicate what he was feeling.

"Fuck." He turned away, thinking that maybe he couldn't, and it was stupid to even try.

"What is it?" Cody pressed.

Zack spun around. "You know, I've spent a lot of time thinking while I've been holed up inside this room for the past… twenty or so hours. A lot of time."

"Zack."

But he ignored him. He stalked up and down the length of the room, growing more and more agitated.

"I tried, Cody," he said finally, half talking to himself. "I tried telling myself it was stupid, that it didn't mean what it felt like it meant. But my mind kept going in circles." His voice broke, and he barked out a laugh. Self-deprecating. "I know, right? It's so unlike me, just sitting around thinking about things."

"Don't," Cody tried again, distressed.

"I usually just ignore the stuff that bothers me," Zack continued, as if he hadn't spoken. "Hakuna Matata and all that: what's the point in rehashing the past over and over? What's done is done. But I couldn't help it, I had to think about it, about what it meant. And I know we're close, but this is still hard for me to say." He had to speak his mind, had to explain. "I need to tell you—"

"You don't have to do this, you know," Cody interjected, exasperated. "I get it: you're straight. You don't need to start having some macho man-crisis over it."

"Actually, I do," Zack disagreed. "No, wait. That came out wrong. I meant the first part." He growled. "Man I suck at this."

Cody rolled his eyes, frustrated. "I keep trying to tell you, you don't have to explain. I know you fully support me in all my 'gay glory', or whatever." He drew finger-quotes in the air. "Lots of love to go around."

"No! Shut up a minute." Zack pinched the bridge of his nose. "I realized something, okay? I was freaking out pretty much all of yesterday, confused out of my mind. But then tonight, when I saw you again... I dunno. It clicked. Because the truth is..." He stopped. With what courage he could muster, he looked Cody straight in the eye. "Not once, in my entire night with Linda, did I feel anything remotely close... to what I felt with you."

Cody froze, staring at him. Zack's admission hung uncomfortably in the air.

Zack backtracked, heart racing. "Look, I'm not saying I've gone gay all of a sudden, okay? I'm not gay." He swallowed, wishing he were anywhere else. "But I can't deny that I did feel something. With you. And that I think…" He gulped. This was the biggest part.

Zack walked closer, standing right in front of his brother so he'd have to acknowledge him. He couldn't believe he was pushing this, couldn't believe he'd said any of it in the first place. But he had to know.

"I want to feel it again."

Cody sucked in a sharp breath, looking at his brother with serious alarm. His mouth opened and closed, fish-like.

"You don't have to say anything," Zack said quickly, face flushing. "I just thought that had to be said. In— in the interests of truth, and whatever."

He had started backing away at Cody's expression, and now the backs of his legs collided with the edge of the other bed, forcing him to sit down hard.

"Yes I do," Cody disagreed, echoing Zack's words from earlier. He was looking at Zack with something like awe. Zack fidgeted, waiting; and then Cody shook his head, breaking the moment. "It has to do with what I wanted to say... before."

"Oh, right," Zack said, feeling faint. He was suddenly grateful to be sitting down. "Um... Go ahead, I guess."

Cody paused, overwhelmed. Where to begin? "I don't know what we're doing here, Zack." Cody licked his lips. "But... that thing we did, it was wrong. You know that, right? Regardless of whether you… um… liked it." Cody covered his face in shame, his face pink. "Oh my god..."

Zack waited nervously as Cody collected himself, his own skin feeling hot as well. He didn't move, or breathe, or otherwise do anything at all that might scare Cody off.

After a while, Cody took his hands from his face, and stared at his feet. Most of the colour had drained from his skin, except for two bright pink spots that adorned both his cheekbones. Zack had never seen him blush so much in his life.

"Zack, it was really wrong," Cody repeated, voice oddly strained. "And now you're seriously telling me you want to do it again?"

"Maybe?" Zack groaned, running his fingers through his hair. "Hell. I don't know." He sat up, rubbing his lightly haired legs. "I don't know the difference between right and wrong anymore."

Cody snorted at that, voice at once lifting in a shrill tenor. "Oh, yeah- because your moral compass was calibrating just spiffily before." He shook his head, melting into quiet, desperate giggles. As the seconds passed, they grew louder and less restrained.

Zack watched him, mystified. "Cody, you're hysterical."

"It's just so ironic!" At his brother's frightened look, Cody dissolved into even more breathless laughter that he tried in vain to trap behind his palm. Zack continued to stare, at a loss for what to do.

Eventually, the giggles trailed off into soft little hiccups. Those, Zack thought he could deal with, and- relieved- he turned his thoughts to their previous conversation.

But when a strangled, half-aborted sob escaped through Cody's fingers, Zack couldn't miss the fact that the other boy's shoulders were shaking. He stood quickly, and without hesitation- Zack never could stand to see his brother cry- and padded across the carpet to where Cody sat.

The mattress creaked as Zack sat down. He dithered for a bit- disheartened to realize that he didn't know the first thing about truly comforting someone. Worse, Cody's moods were unpredictable even at the best of times. Zack didn't stand a chance. But he still felt he had to do something.

"Hey, don't cry…" He started lamely, feeling well out of his depth. "I'm sorry, man, I didn't mean to upset you..." He draped an arm around Cody's shoulders somewhat awkwardly, and Cody dove into his neck. He was shivering, and had goosebumps on his neck, as if cold.

"Shh..." Zack patted Cody's back, wanting to distract him. "Just, forget I ever said anything. Okay?" He swallowed, struggling to remember what their Mom used to do in situations like this. She had a real knack for calming Cody down. "We can, um. Talk about this later, if you still want to."

Meanwhile, Zack cursed under his breath. Way to be a jerk, he berated himself. You actually made him cry. That was clever!

As Zack rubbed his back, whispering calming words into the other boy's ear, Cody relaxed and his breathing slowly evened out. Zack, too, breathed more easily. At least that's one thing I've done right tonight, he thought.

Aloud, he said, "Shh. Everything's okay. Just keep breathing."

Cody nodded, and after a minute or so wiped the remaining wetness from his face against the sleeve of Zack's shoulder. His back still shook a little under Zack's wandering hand, although he tried to hide it by hunching over. Zack held Cody even closer than before, worried he was still cold despite the fluffy robe.

A few minutes of comfortable silence hummed around them, in which time Zack continued to kick himself mentally for even bringing this up in the first place. Like so many of his ideas recently, this was turning out to be a phenomenally bad one.

Zack was distracted enough that he almost didn't feel it.

The lips, which had been resting dormantly against Zack's neck, stirred at the skin of his throat, tickling him. Zack sucked in a breath, going rigid. The lips moved again, and before Zack could register what was happening, they had planted a kiss right on him.

Zack's heart skipped a beat. You imagined it, he thought hurriedly, it's not real!

Then, before he could really register the first one, more kisses came, sweeping across his neck in a slow, almost wistful journey. The body in Zack's lap shifted, and the lips trailed away, kissing his shoulder. Each point of contact sent lines of heat straight to Zack's stomach- where he could have sworn actual, physical butterflies had exploded into existence and were now fluttering about madly inside him.

Zack hardly dared breathe as those lips began climbing upward, mouthing at his skin. Heat swirled maddeningly in his belly, and part of Zack longed to reciprocate. Still, he felt frozen— paralyzed. He didn't know whether he should respond or pull away, and Cody's incessant, breathstealing kisses were making it extremely hard for him to think. Another part of him was telling him to run away, get out of there before he did something stupid. Like kiss him back.

Because regardless of what Zack was feeling, Cody was still upset. They both were upset, and neither of them were thinking straight, and anything they did now they were sure to regret later. They were certainly in no position to—

The lips at his jaw sucked. Hard.

Zack moaned, unable to help himself. "Stop," he whimpered, embarrassed at how strained he sounded. Cody did it again, closer to his ear, and it was too much.

He took Cody by the shoulders, spinning them around so that Cody was lying on his back with Zack crouching over him. Cody looked up at him, his face relaxed and open. Zack wondered what he was thinking; all the while trying to calm the heat in his blood. Cody stared at him knowingly, and shook his head.

"It's okay," the other boy whispered.

Zack bent to kiss his cheek. Cody's eyelids fluttered shut at the touch of his lips, and he responded by wrapping his arms around Zack's back and shoulders, pulling him down for a hug.

Zack let him, surprised. It was such an outrageously familiar act in the midst of so much newness and confusion, that Zack found himself relaxing. He knew that Cody had probably done it on purpose, to relieve some of the tension, and Zack was thankful. He carefully returned the embrace, closing his eyes, and breathed in Cody's scent.

After a moment, he pulled away. "Am I crushing you?" Zack asked.

"No," Cody denied, turning his head so that his lips grazed Zack's cheek. The touch was light, but made Zack feel strangely giddy. He lowered himself slowly, inch by inch, until he was spread more fully over Cody's lean frame. "Still no," Cody chuckled, and Zack felt silly.

Cody lowered his hands on Zack's back, pulling their bodies closer. Their hips made contact, and Cody gasped, arching into him. Zack stilled, closing his eyes—it was too much, it felt too good. He was absolutely sure that the slightest movement would set him off. And how embarrassing would that be? Still, Cody was practically vibrating beneath him, and stopping seemed very far from his mind.

Zack paused, breathing into Cody's ear and bracing himself on his elbows. His arms shook a little with the effort of holding up his weight, but Zack ignored them. He knew he should stop now, before things went too far.

But Cody smelled so good...

A hand tugged sharply at Zack's hair, reminding him where he was and surprising him into action. His arms buckled; he fell onto Cody's lean frame, their bellies pressed tightly together. Cody's arms were around his neck in an instant, and Zack moaned when Cody's fingers tangled in his hair and tugged. Sliding his wrists under Cody's arms so that he could grip him by the shoulders, Zack pulled, rubbing their abdomens together. He ached for full contact. Cody took advantage of their change in position, lavishing hot kisses up Zack's jaw, and Zack melted; the last threads of rationality protesting before giving up entirely.

Zack increased the pressure between their bodies, and Cody breathed in sharply at the feel of him. His lips were appealingly red, flushed with blood and unspent arousal.

The sight made Zack tense, and suddenly his hands had a mind of their own. He tugged impatiently at the tie of Cody's bathrobe— ignoring the knot in favor of simply pulling the robe apart.

A thrill leapt through him at the sight of Cody's collar bone, and he bit back a groan, swallowing. His skin looked so soft, and Zack longed to see more of it.

He pulled at the robe, his eyes trailing down...

"Hold up," Cody said hastily, stopping his hands.

Zack froze at the sound, letting go at once. His breathing was uneven as he stared back, wondering what he'd done wrong. "Yes…?" he managed, every muscle in his body strung taut as a bow. With admirable effort, he managed to ignore the ache in his boxers and pull his hands away from Cody's skin.

It wasn't easy.

"I can't... just wait for a second." Cody sounded strained, almost like he was in pain.

They paused, neither moving and both breathing hard. Zack felt like he was going to explode.

"Should we stop?" he asked hesitantly, heart plummeting at the thought. He lifted himself onto his elbows. "If you want, we can—"

"Don't—!" Cody pulled Zack's arms, preventing him from leaving, and Zack landed on Cody's chest with an 'Oomf'—the wind knocked out of him.

As Zack struggled to right himself, his hips accidentally bumped Cody's own, and their groins rubbed together. Cody let out a surprised moan, his eyes closing of their own volition.

"Don't stop," Cody breathed, voice breaking. Zack stared down at him, air catching in his throat.

"...What?" he croaked.

"Move!" Cody wrapped his hands around Zack's waist and tugged him down again roughly.

Sweet, sweet friction. "— mygod," Cody whispered.

Zack agreed, squeezing his eyes shut. "Ungh..." was all he could offer in response. He rocked their hips together again and both of them moaned.

"More," Cody begged, still breathing hard. Zack leaned closer, kissing Cody's neck, but there still wasn't enough contact.

Cody's position under Zack constricted his movements, and he soon grew frustrated by the lack of freedom. He pulled at Zack's legs, manipulating the gangly limbs until they were resting between Cody's thighs instead of outside of them. Satisfied, he pulled Zack's torso down toward his own.

From this angle, though, the bathrobe quickly became caught between their bodies, and it chafed at Cody's thighs painfully. He let out an exasperated mewl and made a quick decision. His hands scrabbled at the tie of his robe.

He tugged at the knot, half wishing Zack would just rip it off—but Zack was too distracted by Cody's neck. So Cody worked at the knot with unsteady fingers until it came undone.

Not bothering to open his robes all the way, Cody merely untangled his legs and set to work on Zack's shirt. Adrenaline, however, made his hands frustratingly clumsy. Zack clued in halfway through and assisted him in his efforts, pulling up on his shirt with his arms crossed until the fabric became bunched around his neck, getting stuck at his head.

Zack paused, tugging. "Helf," he said through a mouthful of shirt.

Cody giggled at the picture Zack made, the arousal in his voice making it sound lower than usual. He stared at Zack's exposed belly with a gleam in his eye, making no move at all to help with Zack's predicament.

Evil little, Zack thought. Gurgled protests escaped Zack preoccupied mouth, and he glared down at Cody resentfully.

Relenting, Cody removed the shirt, still grinning. Zack continued to glower.

"Oh, you're gonna get it now," Zack warned him, sounding very dangerous. Cody looked up at him in quasi-fear, letting out a barely muffled shriek as Zack tore open Cody's bathrobe completely and pulled the cloth out from under him in one fell swoop, dumping it unceremoniously on the floor.

Cody looked up at Zack, his eyes huge. He was now completely naked and exposed under Zack's searching gaze.

A thrill spiked through Cody as Zack stared at him, and he licked his lips.

"Not fair," Cody mumbled.

"Nope," Zack agreed. He leaned forward to examine his prize, staring at one small, light brown nipple in curiosity. Cody turned his head to the side, avoiding the other boy's intense gaze.

"Your nipples are darker than mine," Zack teased, his voice husky. His eyes were wicked.

"Are you done yet?" Cody asked, stretching his chest away from him.

"...Nope," Zack said again. His voice grew more serious. "But don't worry, Codes, your chest is nothing to sneeze at." He stopped, gaze dragging down to his belly. "Believe me."

Perpetually skinny his entire childhood, Cody had over the past few years managed to grow into his bones a little bit. Now, at sixteen, Cody was still thinner than most, but was noticeably lither than he'd been at thirteen. As happens to many teen boys around his age, Cody's pectoral muscles were just starting to manifest themselves. He was by no means athletically built in any way, but he no longer resembled a toothpick.

And while Zack was quite unfamiliar with rating the bodies of other men as desirable—or un—even he had no trouble admitting to himself that Cody's body was nice.

Cody, however, still seemed extremely dubious. Zack lowered his face to Cody's anxious lips, and pressed a tender kiss against them—their first real one of the evening.

The contact filled Zack's stomach with butterflies, but in a nice way. He mouthed the corner of Cody's lips. Relax, he thought, as if to send the thoughts directly to Cody's head.

Cody responded to the caress, opening his lips the smallest bit. Zack bit at these carefully, and at the same time placed a warm, slightly damp palm against Cody's sternum.

Careful to maintain the kiss, Zack slid the palm down and across Cody's chest to stroke each of his nipples, finally releasing Cody's mouth so he could press a small kiss to both soft circles of skin.

When Zack raised his head to check Cody's reaction, Cody was blushing furiously.

"What? Doesn't it feel good?" Zack asked, worried about the conflicted grimace that flitted across Cody's face.

"A little," he admitted, red-faced. "But you don't have to treat me like I'm…" he stopped. "I'm not a girl, you know."

Zack stared at him. "What does that have to do anything?" When Cody looked away, Zack planted a huge, messy kiss on his left nipple to regain his attention, sucking loudly.

"Stop!" Cody laughed, struggling to twist away from the contact and breath at the same time, but he managed to gasp another complaint between kisses. "Zack, I don't have boobs."

Zack snorted at the obviousness of that statement. "Um, of course you don't, dumb-nut. But you do have nipples." He grinned cheekily and watched as the flush from Cody's face spread to his neck. "Duh," he added, for good measure.

That settled, Zack resumed stroking Cody's chest with his palm, lowering his head once more to suck at Cody's right nipple.

He made sure to suck longer this time, and a sliver of glee pierced him as a surprised moan was torn from Cody's throat. Pleased, Zack allowed his wandering hand to trail further downward, toward the edge of Cody's ribcage. Cody gasped as the hand neared his belly button; the skin of Cody's belly jumped beneath Zack's fingertips.

It made Zack swallow and think of going… further.

Thus far, Zack hadn't acknowledged Cody's cock at all, although he had definitely noticed it harden underneath him while they had been grinding. But even when Cody's whole body had first been exposed to his gaze, Zack had forbid himself to peek any lower than Cody's waist. He'd been fearful that in doing so, all this would suddenly be real.

As soon as he did it, Zack knew that this happy bubble of delirium— this sphere of pleasant sensations that surrounded him and safely blocked out all rationality— would burst. If Zack so much as looked, it would mean that he really had been making out with a boy for the past twenty minutes, rutting against him and fondling his chest as if it were the most natural thing in the world. And not just any boy.

His brother.

No. To look would have been unthinkable.

But now... with the muscles of Cody's belly were rippling beneath his hand, so invitingly… he was finding it harder and harder to resist. Just one look, he told himself. And that would be the end of it. One look.

Zack's gaze slowly lowered, following the line of golden hairs on Cody's stomach. His eyes widened as he neared the end.

His hand twitched against Cody's belly, as if itching to follow, and Cody grew very still below him. Zack's palm moved down, beginning to trace the same path that his eyes had taken.

Cody's hand snapped out and grabbed his wrist. "Whatareyou doing?" he squeaked.

It was Zack's turn to blush, embarrassed to be caught. "I… um. I don't know." He swallowed nervously, sitting back. At that moment, he knew nothing but his own desire; and felt ashamed of his ignorance. "What do you want me to do?" he asked finally.

Cody raked his gaze over Zack's bare shoulders. He flushed, still unable to believe he was allowed to look.

For the first time that night, Cody raised a hand to explore his brother. He drew a thin line down Zack's chest with one finger, choking out a nervous laugh when Zack's eyes fluttered closed at his touch.

"You're so sensitive," Cody breathed, wonderingly. He glanced down between Zack's legs, noticing the tent in his brother's pajama pants. "I want…" Cody licked his lips. Zack's pupils were wide and dark.

Cody pulled his finger away. "Zack," he exhaled. "What are we doing?"

Zack searched Cody's eyes with his own, heart skipping a beat. "Did you... want me to turn out the lights?" he said at last. But his intense, suddenly serious stare told Cody what he was really asking.

Cody's eyes squeezed shut, and Zack's breathing all but halted at the sight. If Cody said no…

"I…" Cody gulped fearfully.

Zack waited.

"…Yes."