Chapter Ten
Santana wasn't sure if she was alive or dead. Everything was numb, but at the same time, kind of tingly, in a pleasant sort of way. The searing pain that had so recently consumed her entire body was finally gone, and in its place was a rapidly spreading warmth that actually made her toes curl inside her still present ankle socks. Her brain was complete mush, but her body felt like it was working off some pre-recorded track as she slowly wound down from the most intense orgasm she'd ever experienced. If she was dead, it was certainly worth it. She had no regrets. Absolutely none. Nope. This was totally a death she wouldn't mind having to relive over and over again a la "Grey's Anatomy Afterlife Episode". Oh yes, she was definitely content to exist for all eternity in her current state of post-coital euphoric bliss. Or at least, that's what the cat girl thought before she heard the unmistakable sound of someone crying. And not just someone; but Brittany. Her Brittany. Suddenly, she didn't feel so good anymore.
Brittany gave herself a full thirty seconds before she finally allowed herself to break down and cry. After she'd finished coming inside of the cat girl, her thought processes had instantly gone from "irresponsible, horny teenager" to "oh fuck, what have I just done?", and now the rest of her body and emotions were struggling to catch up. Pulling out of the girl, she quickly backed up against the edge of the bed and wrapped her arms around her trembling and shaky legs. With the exception of her socks, she was naked from the waist down. Her ruined shorts and panties were on the other side of Santana and she didn't trust the girl, or herself, enough to go get them.
How could she have been so careless? It was her responsibility, wasn't it? She had the penis, so she should have made sure they were protected before things got out of hand. This was her fault and Brittany had no idea what was going to happen now. Would Santana blame her for this? Would the girl's parents? Would her parents? She was fertile, and Santana was in heat. How could she have let this happen? "No. No, no, nononononononononooo..." Santana's body kicked into action, and before she could even register what it was she was doing, she found herself straddling the blonde girl's lap. "No, no. Don't cry. Please don't cry." She whispered mournfully; her heart doing all sorts of unpleasant acrobatics inside her chest as she watched the girl continue to sob.
This wasn't right. None of this was right. Why was she crying? Why was her Brittany crying? "Don't cry. Please, baby, don't cry." She choked out as her own emotions surged to the surface, abruptly spilling out of her in the form of her own tears. "Shhh... shhh... don't cry..." She whimpered between her own sobs; her hands gripping the surprised, though still blatantly distressed girl's cheeks as she leaned in and began to lick away her tears. Brittany couldn't be sad. She couldn't stand her being sad. In the back of her mind, she knew that she had done this to her. That she was the reason the girl was crying. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..." She cried, hoping beyond hope that she would be forgiven for what she had done. Brittany had been a virgin, and she had walked all over that for her own selfish needs.
"Please don't hate me." Brittany managed to get out around her own broken vocalizations. Even though the girl had every reason to be angry with her, she didn't think she could survive the rejection. Santana was the closest she'd ever come to having a real friend, and she would gladly spend the rest of her life making it up to her if it meant getting a second chance. "Please... I'm sorry." She closed her eyes as the cat girl drew her tongue up along her cheek and across some of the tracks of tears currently staining her face. It was an incredibly intimate gesture, and despite her still very much present doubt and insecurity, she felt herself slowly beginning to calm down.
Santana seemed to sense this, and wrapped her arms around her shoulders, burying her face in the side of the blonde girl's neck. "It's... It's my fault... and... and I'll take care of you..." Brittany spoke into the girl's hair, her own arms instinctively coming up to rub reassuringly across her back. If Santana did end up pregnant from this, she would do any and everything in her power to make sure both she and the baby were taken care of, even if she wasn't allowed to be a part of their lives.
Santana had no idea what she was talking about, or why she was even apologizing in the first place. "I did this, not you." She responded, reluctantly pulling away from the desperately desired comfort of the girl's warm and reassuring embrace. They had both stopped crying now, and she could clearly see the complete and total devastation written across the blonde girl's face. She had caused this. She had caused that look. "I am so, so sorry Brittany." She insisted softly, rubbing the pads of her thumbs under the girl's eyes as she once again cupped her cheeks. "I never meant for you to get hurt like this. You have to believe that. There is just something about you, something that makes me lose control. I've never- I've never felt that way before. And like, I still feel it. I mean, it's not quite the same, and no where near as strong, but..." she shook her head as she continued to ramble; the words seemingly forming in her mouth without her even having to think about it. It was like she was still on some kind of autopilot, only this time it was her heart that wasn't in her control.
"I like you. I really, really like you, and want you, and I don't mean for sex." She blushed at this, needing to look away as she was suddenly all too aware of how close and how naked they both still were. "Okay, that's a lie. Yes, for sex, but I don't mean just for sex," she quickly amended, before continuing on, "and I guess, I just- I need to know if you feel the same way about me..." She trailed off at this, her heart pounding in her chest as she waited in awkward and terrifying silence for the girl to eventually say something. Unfortunately, when the blonde finally opened her mouth to speak, what came out was definitely not what Santana had wanted, or been expecting, to hear.