Clenched Fists
Part Ten: Wake

Warnings: Sex!

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Reno winced and jerked away. It hurt.

Don't be like that. Someone has to tend this arm of yours, right? Strong fingers took hold of his arm again and stretched it out, probing his skin for the line of the break. Touch, press, move. Touch. Press. Move.

Reno twitched, hissed.

There?

Reno nodded. There.

Touch, press. Pain. Grasp. Both hands took hold this time, one at his elbow and the other low on his forearm, just beneath the break. There was a shift in grip. A sharp twist. A loud snap.

The bone slid back into place and Reno heaved a sigh of relief, ignoring the dull throbs of pain reverberating through torn muscles, bruised flesh, and broken bone. He looked up into a pair of bright blue eyes.

Better?

Reno nodded. He opened his eyes as someone slid into place behind him, and he turned his head to find…blond hair? Slender hands, deceptively soft…

Reno coughed. "Boss?"

"I'm here, Reno."

"Yeah. I thought…"

"You were expecting someone else?"

"No, I…yeah."

"In my apartment?"

Reno laughed. "Made it here, did I? Thought I collapsed outside the door. You didn't answer."

"I just got back. But you seem to have found your way in on your own. I certainly didn't carry you, and I sent Rude away before I came inside, so it wasn't him. You seem to have made yourself quite comfortable on my couch." Rufus's fingers threaded through Reno's hair, soothing, brushing, like kneading into a cat's fur. "What's wrong with your arm?"

Reno grimaced. "Broken. Needs to be set."

Rufus moved carefully, laying Reno's head back against a soft pillow and kneeling beside the couch, probing carefully at the arm. "No," he said. "It's been set already, and set well. It just needs to be splinted and wrapped."

"It's been set?" Reno asked, but Rufus had already moved off to another part of the house, and Reno could just barely hear cabinet doors opening and closing and the soft fabric of Rufus's clothes rustling as he moved.

He returned shortly, alcohol, metal splints, and strong white bandages in hand. Rufus kept a wealth of medical supplies at his apartment. Given the nature of the Turks' work, it just made sense. Everyone would undoubtedly need tending at some point or other. Tonight, it happened to be Reno. Rufus cleaned and splinted and wrapped, carefully but tightly, and he didn't ask about Cloud, and for that Reno was grateful. He finished up quickly, brought blankets and a bottle of water, and told Reno to get some sleep.

Reno stared after him as he disappeared down the hall, and wondered whether he could sleep, whether the dreams would come again, or whether they'd gone. Sleep, though, came easily enough, and with it…

Heat. Lips, soft and pliant. Reno opened for them, and a tongue slipped through into his mouth. Strong and assertive, but not taking, just…kissing. Reno laughed and pulled back, pushing at a pair of strong, leather-covered shoulders. "Zack. You promised…"

"I know, I know." A dramatic sigh. "You don't swing that way. I got it, alright? Still…" His eyes were the heart of a fire. "What's a little kiss between friends?"

"Not much until your cock gets involved."

It was Zack who laughed this time, laughed and backed off. Grinned. "My cock's always involved, Reno. Yours, though, it's a little too caught up in snatch…"

"Shut up." Reno chucked a pillow at him. "What I do with my cock is none of your business, Fair."

"I know." Zack grinned, but Reno could see bitterness behind the gleam.

Strange. He'd never seen that before. That smile…it had always been like the end of the world. Nothing else compared to it; and there was nothing left after it, and nothing remembered of what had come before. And yet…it didn't stand alone anymore, an isle of brilliance in the midst of the world's maelstrom of dark emotions. It carried with it darkness of its own now. Reno smiled. Somehow, he liked it better this way.

But the grin fell away, and the bitterness also, and then there was nothing left but Zack and urgency and sadness. And fear. He stared at Reno, leaning in close, close, closer. "It's not me."

"What? You're sitting right in front of me. Don't tell me it's not you."

"No. I'm dead, Reno. Remember. You must remember."

Reno frowned. Zack was there, in front of him. The same Zack he'd always been. But…

Reno did remember. Zack had died. The army had killed him. 5,000 against one man, and he'd still taken out hundreds before they'd brought him down, before they'd left Cloud for dead on the side of the cliff. All to protect Cloud, all to… Reno looked at Zack. "Cloud," he said. One word. Just one word.

"Yeah."

Reno nodded. He'd gotten it wrong again. Zack was dead, and there were only three people who'd ever returned from the dead, in their own bodies or otherwise. Zack was not one of them. "What do I need to do?"

"I don't know. Just…don't say goodbye anymore, Reno. Never say goodbye."

Reno smiled, stretched out his left arm and trailed his fingers down Zack's face. "I know I can't be with you, but…" He sighed. "I won't say goodbye anymore. I promise."

There was that grin again, sparkling and roiling like mako-blue eyes.

And then sleep was only a dream, and Reno was awake again. Wasn't he? This was the room…Rufus's living room…in which he'd fallen asleep, but…

There was a film over everything. A haze, like smoke over Midgar. Maybe it had always been there, and he'd just been too blind to notice. Like he hadn't noticed Cloud. Reno lifted his left arm and ran his fingers through the hair of the young man—almost a boy in this light, twenty-five years old though he might be—who was leaning, sleeping, back against the couch, his arms wrapped around his knees. Reno had known Cloud would be there, that Cloud would find him again. It was almost a ritual between them now. He would disappear, or Cloud would, and then Cloud would seek him out in sleep, would wind his way into Reno's space and slip inside, silent, soft. Like he belonged there.

He did belong there, but Reno hadn't noticed. He'd been too wrapped up in the idea of Cloud to realize that there was something more here, something rippling beneath the surface that bound them to one another. But he knew now. He remembered. Reno smiled. He sat up and placed his legs carefully to either side of Cloud's body, tilting the boy's head up toward him. "Wake up, Cloud."

And Cloud's eyelids fluttered open this time, just as Reno had known they would. His eyes were large, solemn, glowing in the dim light from the open door. The sleeping Cloud hadn't bothered to close it behind him, but this lock hadn't been shattered. Reno almost laughed. Rufus must have guessed Cloud would come and left the door unlocked. Not a surprise, really. Rufus always was a few steps ahead of everyone else. Cloud blinked. "Reno?"

"Yeah," Reno scratched softly behind Cloud's ears, soothing the skin. "It's just me."

"It won't go away, will it?"

Reno's smile was sad. Cloud wasn't talking about the dreams this time. "No, Cloud. It won't go away."

Cloud was silent, but Reno didn't need to hear him speak to know what he was feeling. Trapped. Panic. Fear, fear, fear. Loss. Too much loss.

"I'm not going anywhere, Cloud. You can trust me."

"I can…what?"

It was obvious now. Reno smiled again and began a slow massage across the muscles of Cloud's neck. He should have remembered earlier. Cloud…wasn't Cloud anymore. He was. Aerith had done as much as she could, really, but…there were still parts him that just…weren't himself. Cloud hadn't been lying, hadn't been locked in some kind of self-denial like Rufus had thought. Cloud didn't love Reno. Touch, press, move. But Zack did. And Zack was a part of Cloud now, a part Cloud could never escape. Touch. He was fighting against himself, Rufus had said.And he was.He was fighting Zack—Zack's desires, Zack's emotions, Zack's instincts. They were all a part of him, and he didn't want them. Press. Zack was dead. He hadn't come back, wasn't trying to take Cloud over. But he wasn't gone. He'd never been gone. And as long as Cloud was fighting that part of him… Move.

Reno moved. He slid down and around Cloud to kneel in front of him, fists clenched tightly in the knit fabric of Cloud's sweater. He stared into Cloud's eyes, stared straight into the fear and the confusion he found there. He smiled. "You can trust me."

Cloud only stared back.

"If I'm going to die…" Reno's smile turned feral, his eyes sharp and brittle. "I'll make sure you go first. I promise."

Cloud blinked, jerked a little. A furrow dug down between his eyes. "You would do that?" His voice was low, husky, with just a throb of violet to it. A touch of Zack that would never fade.

"Yeah," Reno breathed. "I would do that."

"I…" Cloud looked down, eyes wet. Shining. "I don't love you."

Twist of pain. Reno swallowed it down. "I know. Zack does."

"Yeah."

"I can live with that."

Cloud shifted, moved a little closer. "I…can feel it, you know? So strong, passionate. It's…" He paused, glanced at Reno for a second. "It's beautiful."

Reno took a deep breath, let everything he felt for Cloud, let his friendship with Zack and all the emotions that went with it, let everything just burn inside him, like ice, like earth. Like wind tearing down a mountain pass. He laughed. Almost cried. "Yeah," word of the night, apparently. But it was all that could really be said. "Beautiful."

"It won't go away."

Reno shook his head. Back to that, huh? Instead, he said, "Neither will I."

Cloud was strung tight again, muscles all strain and tension, fists clenched against the floor where he'd let them fall from his knees. Reno could see the nails digging into the palms. He thought he saw a glint of blood. Cloud nodded, though, and he looked, just looked, at Reno.

Reno touched a hand to Cloud's knee, softly, softly. "Cloud…you know what Zack wants."

"He wants you."

"Yes."

"Needs you."

"Yes."

"Loves you."

"For years. You've been watching me for years."

Cloud nodded slowly. "I haven't even…I haven't been able to…"

"Yeah. It's been pretty bad, huh? He always was a persistent bastard. Determined to get what he wants." Reno hesitated. "This is your choice, Cloud. Remember that. But…I love you. I can give you what you need, what he needs. You don't have to fight anymore. You deserve peace. You deserve to be happy. And I…I know I'm not your choice, but…I think...I hope I can make you happy."

Almost silent, just a wisp of husk on the air. "But I failed him."

Reno breathed. Air in. Air out. Touch. "He died. You said you'd live for both of you."

"I failed him."

"So give him what he wants. Live for him."

Cloud licked his lips, looked at Reno. "Love for him?"

Reno nodded. Shrugged. "It's an idea. It'll…it'll ease the pain, Cloud. Make it easier to breathe."

"I…I don't know if I can make you happy, Reno. I can't…I…" he looked down again, clenched his fists tighter. "He wanted to make you happy, deserved to make you happy. To love you. I'm not him, but he…he's inside me, and I…I love him…"

"I know, Cloud." Reno brushed his hands up Cloud's thighs. Touch. Press. "I know."

"Yeah." A low huff.

Reno's smile could have broken his own heart. He knew what Zack had meant now. He knew. "Cloud," he whispered, pressing, pressing, kneading muscle through denim, fingers straining against the fabric. Never say goodbye. Never…

Cloud looked up.

Reno let out a soft breath, a low huff identical to Cloud's. "Kiss me."

A blur of motion. Sure and swift and soft and hesitant. Shy and crazed. Needy, pained, and Reno was on his back on the floor and Cloud was on top of him, kissing, touching, hands everywhere, lips hot and whispering over lips. Move. Reno's clothes were little more than shreds of fabric loosely threaded together, and Cloud shoved them aside, stripped them off until strings of black and white and buttons and zippers littered the plush carpet around them, and Reno was naked, pale skin gleaming in the cold light of the doorway, hair glinting bright red like it always did, no matter the light. Cloud was kissing, licking, savoring. Touching like Zack had always wanted to do, touching as he'd dreamed of doing for years, since Zack's death, yes, but more, far more after he'd died on that rooftop two years ago, since he'd entered the lifestream and become closer to Zack than he had in years, closer than he ever had.

He took and he gave and he made Reno moan and it was beautiful. Hands caressing wiry muscles, tight skin, trembling legs, lingering over thighs and sharp hipbones, dipping into hollows of throats and collarbones. Kissing, kissing. Lips insistent, tongue hot. Hard. Thrusting. Zipper drawn down, pants shoved to mid-thigh and Reno's hand was around Cloud's cock, squeezing, touching, stroking, and Cloud was gasping, shivering, bent over Reno's body, lips pressed to the join of neck and shoulder, all the while being careful of that arm, that broken right arm.

There was blood on Cloud's face, dried and crusted, and his nose was still broken, but they didn't care, they barely tasted it as Reno kissed and touched and needed and caressed Cloud's back beneath the fabric of his sweater with one hand, keeping the other moving between Cloud's thighs.

And Cloud couldn't stand it any longer. He growled and shoved and Reno's thighs were pushed back, in the air, and Cloud's hips were between them and he was pushing, pushing, and Reno fucking burned but he didn't give a shit because it was Cloud and Cloud was fucking him and he was a Turk, damn it, what did he care about a little pain?

It was better than the dreams. More. Longer, shorter. They didn't know. Better though. Close and too much and not close enough and thrust, thrust, thrust. Reno panted, moaned. Fucking screamed.

And Cloud laughed and smiled and kissed him all the while and Reno didn't know for sure, didn't know whether that was Zack's laugh or Cloud's, didn't know who was smiling exactly, but he didn't care. Zack loved him and Cloud needed him and he would never say goodbye again. Never. Cloud was moving inside him and Reno's fingers were digging into his shoulder blades, his right arm wrapped around Cloud just like his left even though it hurt like hell's fucking fury, and he was panting, they were both panting, and then Cloud thrust hard and Reno saw entire fucking constellations and he screamed then, bucked, fucking writhed and came, came hard, damn it, and bit down on Cloud's shoulder, heaving in breaths as Cloud collapsed on top of him, drained and sated and loving every damned second of it. Both of them.

Reno panted. Huffed. Grinned. "Damn."

"Yeah," Cloud breathed, eyes blazing. He didn't move, didn't do anything but breathe and feel Reno breathing under him. Hard and heavy. Relaxed. Cloud closed his eyes, tightened his grip in Reno's hair. "Reno…"

A slight stir, soft touch of fingers against fabric. "Yeah?"

"I'll do it. Love you, I mean. For him. For me…just…I will."

Reno laughed, tugged Cloud closer. "I know. And I might even let you, too."

Cloud laughed this time, all bass and breath and not alone. It would take time. A lot of time. He took a deep breath. Alright, Zack. Together this time. Unclenched his fists. The three of us.

And let go.