Disclaimer: I am the all powerful PBOW! Oops sorry, wrong dimension. Ah yes... 3-D. Disney owns KP and the gang. They tell me their stories and I write them down like a good little boy. I receive nothing from this except your reviews and calloused fingertips.
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Chapter 10 Reception
The big black jet with the 'KP' logo emblazoned on the side taxied into the Vatican hanger. Two men immediately wheeled a stairway into place as the door opened and Kim and Ron walked out. "Thanks guys," Kim chimed and saluted as she got to the bottom of the steps.
Ron made the Sign of the Cross, smiled and swiftly said, "Father Son and Holy Guy bless you both. See you next flight."
Kim and Ron stepped into the limo with the Holy See Coat of Arms on the doors that had pulled up and stopped at the bottom of the staircase. It took off like a shot before the door shut and they could sit down.
"Sorry about that Pope Ronicus," Jenkins said solemnly as he helped Ron off the floor and onto a seat. "You're a little late for your reception and we need to get back as soon as possible."
"Aw Man!" Ron whined loudly. "That means I gotta get back into them heavy robes and things. It's almost impossible to go to the bathroom, you have to take so much of it off."
"Not to worry," Jenkins said with a smirk. He pushed a button and a wardrobe opened on one wall of the limo. Jenkins pulled out a white suit and handed it to Ron. "Cardinal Funicello designed this just for you."
"Coolio," Ron happily rang and took off his mission shirt. He donned the white dress shirt and started to unbuckle his belt.
"Your Holiness," Jenkins said with a slight blush in his cheeks while averting his eyes, "shouldn't you wait until Miss Possible isn't around?"
Kim leaned back in the plush upholstery and said slyly, "I thought all of you in the Vatican followed our missions. Ron loses his pants so often it's almost like he's in his swim trunks at the beach. It's no big." She leaned over and whispered in the Pontiff's ear, "The sitch I mean, not your..." They both laughed at the sly joke.
"Of course," Jenkins laughed along not knowing what was said, "I forgot about the loss of apparel. So how did the mission go?"
Kim handed the peace agreement to the second in command of Vatican Security. "Mission accomplished. If we have a few more like this one we won't have any more Villains to thwart." She gently started rubbing her stomach in quiet contemplation.
Jenkins glanced over the document and said gleefully, "This is marvelous. And it happened on Ronicus' first day as Pope. What a boon for the PR department." He looked up at Kim and watched as she softly circled her hands around her abdomen.
As Ron pulled up his white slacks he saw Jenkins eying Kim. "Ah, we had milk and cookie to celebrate the pact thingie," he quickly said.
Kim peered down and realized what she was doing. "Yes," she said swiftly, "I guess I ate too much. I'm full." Jenkins nodded his understanding and Kim quickly changed the subject. "When I was looking through the library in my quarters I found out all the other Popes had their own Holy Crest. Shouldn't one be designed for His Holiness?" she giggled and hitched a thumb at her seat mate.
"Yes he should have one," Jenkins said brightly and turned to Ron. "Do you have anything in mind for your Papal Coat of Arms?"
Ron slipped on the white shoes Jenkins handed him and thought aloud. "Kim and I talked about it a little. It should follow some of the traditional things like having the silver and gold keys behind a shield with a miter on top. I think the shield should have a Naco on it, maybe with Rufus leaning on the Naco."
"The two keys are okay. They represent the power to bind and loose on Earth and in Heaven," Jenkins said in deep thought. "It comes from the Gospel of St. Matthew, chapter 16, verses 18 and 19. 'You are Peter, and upon this rock I will build my Church, and the gates of Hell shall not prevail. Whatever you bind on Earth shall be bound in Heaven; And whatever you loose on Earth shall be loosed in Heaven.' I like the idea of the Naco but I'm not sure if anyone will understand a naked mole rat on your Coat of Arms."
Ron looked down at his hands as he twiddled his thumbs. "Well, he was a good buddy and an important part of my life for over twelve years before he died."
"Rufus contributed a lot on our missions too," Kim added. "I see it not only as a loving tribute to the little guy but he was a major part of what made Ron what he is today."
"When you put it that way," Jenkins said in introspect, "I suppose we might divide the shield into two sections with the Naco in one and Rufus next to a tree by a lake in the other. The analogy you used in your homily of the Church being like a lake was very well written."
Ron blushed slightly as he confessed, "I just came up with the ideas. KP wrote the speech for me."
"I just fleshed it out for him," Kim giggled. "It was all his ideas that inspired my writing."
Jenkins leaned forward in his seat and enthused to Kim, "I just love the way you two compliment each other. It's like you were meant to be together forever. That's why Jack wants to offer you a post in the Security Department. He'd like you to be the Pope's personal bodyguard."
"His bodyguard," Kim pondered as she leaned in to the Vatican's second in command of security, "I've always got Ron's back but he can handle himself in a fight, fair or otherwise." Kim sat up proudly and stated, "I'd be honored to guard the body of His Holiness for the rest of our lives."
"In that case," Jenkins said as he reached into the wardrobe again and pulled out a black cocktail dress with a bold white floral silhouette print, "you'll need this. There's enough room in the wardrobe now for you to change."
Kim went into the small closet.
"Should we be carrying some of these clothes on our jet?" Ron asked Jenkins. "We can always change while we're in flight."
"That's an excellent idea Your Holiness," Jenkins said and nodded. "And just to let you know, we're converting one of the parking garage roofs into a landing site. You'll be able to hanger your jet there when construction is finished."
"Great," Kim chimed as she came out of the wardrobe closet clad in the dress. "No more twenty minute trips to the airport. That'll save a lot of time." Kim took off her black sneakers and slipped on a pair of red stiletto heels she found in the closet.
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The limo sped through the gate into the Great Walled City/State and powered up a small street. Ron leaned over to Kim and asked, "Is my tie straight?"
Kim adjusted the bolo tie secured by a big gold cross and looked him over. "You look spiffy Your Holiness," she cooed sweetly. They started to lean in for a kiss but remembered where they were and sat up bolt straight.
"I'm sorry Your Holiness," Jenkins said as he dug into the wardrobe, "but you'll have to wear the miter and a cape. It's the only way Cardinal Funicello will let you wear the suit at functions like this." He came out holding a white, knee length cape and the hat.
"A cape," Kim groaned as she shook her head slowly with a hand cupping her forehead. "OY!"
Ron's smile amped up ten megawatts as he joyfully squealed, "A cape!?! I get to wear a cape like a super hero!!" Ron swung the cape out and around his shoulders almost hitting Kim and Jenkins with the tail end of it.
"Ron," Kim huffed at him. Ron ignored her and continued to tie and retie the cape around his neck. "POPE RONICUS," Kim said forcefully getting his attention, "head in the game. This is a dignified affair." Kim placed the miter on Ron's head and adjusted it slightly. "No flying around the room with your cape fluttering behind you. Behave yourself." She slyly winked at him and he nodded his understanding.
"Yes Your Holiness," Jenkins said and added, "at least until the press has gotten all the pictures they need and have left. Then you can loosen up, a little." He turned to Kim. "Miss Possible, stay a step or two behind His Holiness and slightly to one side."
"We've pulled bodyguard duty before," Kim said nonchalantly. "The last time was for Mr. Nakatomi the toy manufacturer at a convention."
The limo pulled up to the building where the reception was being held and they all got out. "Can I do something before we go in?" Ron begged his friend and bodyguard, and her new superior. Before either could answer Ron grabbed the edge of the cape, brought it up to cover his mouth and let out a villainous laugh. "Mhu Ha Ha Ha Ha!" Ron dramatically toss the hem of the cape behind him, extended his arms out and took off running making swooshing and airplane noises.
After a short minute Kim yelled, "Okay Ron, time to come in for a landing!"
Ron swooped over to the two and smiled brightly. "Sorry, I just needed to get that out of my system. I'm good now."
Jenkins chuckled lightly and opened the door As Ron and Kim passed through the portal Jenkins said to himself, "I've always wanted to do something like that."
Kim turned to him while she was part way in the door and smiled. "Maybe His Holiness will let you borrow the cape sometime." They both laughed as they followed the Pontiff into the reception.
As the three entered the room a murmur ran through the crowd like a sprinter out of the starting blocks. Everyone turned to Ron and bowed, curtsied or knelt. The new head of the Catholic Church saw Cardinal Funicello looking at him like he wanted Ron to do something. Finally the Cardinal made a covert Sign of the Cross and pointed to the room. Ron nodded in understanding. He grandly gestured the sign and said, "In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, Bless You All. Thank You." Everyone stood and applauded politely before returning to their conversations and dancing.
Cardinal Funicello walked over to the trio and knelt before Ron. The new Pope extended his hand allowing the Cardinal access to the Fisherman's Ring. The Cardinal stood and said, "Well Done Your Holiness! I hope your excursion was a success."
"It was," Ron chimed with glee. "We now have four of the big baddies out of the way permanently... I hope. Monkey Fist didn't seem too pleased with the deal but I think the Sword of Justice will keep him in line."
The Cardinal took Ron's arm and escorted him across the room to the Papal Throne. "Ah, so you've met the... straying Daughter... of the Holy See."
"You mean She..."
Ron was shushed by His Eminence before he could complete the name. "We do not speak her name. Never. We only refer to her as The Sword or That Woman."
"O-kay," Ron shrugged as he sat down. "What's happening at this little barn dance?"
"This is just a small gathering so people can meet you," the Cardinal explained. "You only need to sit here and greet everyone. Of course I'll introduce them first. Remember, be courteous and nod if they present any ideas or proposals for your Papacy or the Church."
"What if the ideas are any good?" Ron asked and started to frantically look around the throne. "Will I have to remember them or can I write them down on a piece of paper? Does this chair have a fold up desk top like the ones at school?"
Kim leaned in from behind the throne and whispered, "Ron... amp." Ron looked back at his friend, nodded and winked at her. Kim giggled.
The Cardinal sighed in exasperation. "If an idea is any good we would have thought of it already. If someone, somehow presents a superior idea we have a scribe to write it down. Now, are you ready to receive your public?"
"I'm ready if my personal bodyguard is," Ron chirped happily. "How you doing KP?" He looked over to Kim who was being handed a security two-way communications unit.
Kim put the tiny ear bud in her ear and adjusted the attached microphone. "One moment Pope Ronicus," she said as she keyed her mic. "High Priestess to all units. The Big Cheese is starting to glad-hand. Go to mauve status." She listened to the chatter on the frequency and nodded. ""We're ready Your Holiness."
Cardinal Funicello took a couple of steps back and introduced two men dressed similarly to the way he was. "Your Holiness may I present Cardinals Scaramanga and Carver. Gentlemen, His Holiness Pope Ronicus the First."
The two men dressed in white robes knelt before the throne and said in unison, "Your Holiness." They took turns kissing the ring on Ron's hand.
"Gentlemen, you can get up," Ron said. "I understand you asked about me when y'all were sequestered. Do you have any questions about my past, or regret me being elected?" he asked slyly.
"NO YOUR HOLINESS!" they both said shaking their heads vigorously in denial.
"We were only curious when your name came up," Scaramanga said defensively.
"You're so young," Carver added, "and you're rarely mentioned in the press when you and Miss Possible complete a mission. We wanted to find out all about you and see if you were truly worthy of the position," the two Cardinals smiled broadly, "and we think you are."
"We both voted for you," Scaramanga informed Ron, "and we think you'll do wonderful things for the Church." He gave a thumbs up and added, "Loved the homily."
"Thank You for your vote of confidence," Ron said sincerely, "I'll try to live up to your expectations. Bless you both," Ron said and motioned the sign. The two men bowed and backed away from the throne.
"You did very well," Cardinal Funicello told Ron as he returned to his post next to the throne. "I believe you know the next person."
"Brittina!" Ron happily said in surprise as the blond singer curtsied before him, "I didn't know you were in town."
"I flew in to sing at this little gig," Brittina said, "just for you Pope Ron. It's the least I could do after shooting you down when you asked me to go to that dance a while back."
"Oh that," Ron said off-handedly with a wave of the hand. "I was just proving to KP that it's not that awkweird to ask someone out."
"Anyway, I regret not taking you up on the offer now," Brittina said blushing. "Otherwise I could be Mrs. Pope Ronicus right now."
"I..." Ron started, but finished with his mouth and mind agape at the thought.
"It's okay," she continued. "I just met the hottest guy and we're hitting it off Majorly." Brittina turned and called, "Oh Neddie, Sweetie-kins."
"Coming my songbird!" The nasally voice screeched at Ron and Kim like fingers on a blackboard. "Hey Ron, Hey Kim. How y'all doing?" The Bueno Nacho manager approached the throne and asked the Pop Superstar, "Permesso?" She nodded so he hitched an arm around Brittina's waist. She melted into his side like butter on warm toast. "I saw that in a movie," Ned said enthusiastically.
BOINK!! "Ned!?!" Kim and Ron uttered in total amazement. You know the look on their faces. Mouths hanging low and eyes wide open, and then some.
Kim partially recovered and said, "So Ned, you decided to hitch a ride with our families and hang around for a few days?"
"Yes. I had some vacation time and thought this would be a good reason to use some of it. I always wanted to travel and met people." He kissed Brittina on the cheek. "I guess I was right."
"That's great Ned," Ron said, "and I want to Thank You for delivering the food to our jet. It was mucho appreciatto. Sorry we didn't get to say grassy-ass earlier. Kim and I have been very busy the last coupla days."
"How did you two hook up?" Kim inquired pointing to each of the odd couple.
"We literally ran into each other," Brittany started.
"The gang was playing tag in and around the building where we're staying," Ned continued, "and Tara was chasing me. I came around a corner and Wham-O!"
"Neddie was a perfect gentleman," Brittina added. "He helped me up while apologizing profusely and made sure I was alright. I don't know, he seemed like a sweet guy and I just love the way he was dressed; I want a cool green jacket just like his. Anyway we started to talk."
Another BOINK moment.
"Well, we don't want to hold up the line," Ned chimed as the two turned in unison to walk away.
Brittina glanced over her shoulder and said, "Isn't he just the gentleman?"
"NEXT!" Ron yelled quickly.
Ron sat for two and a half hours, greeted lay and clergy alike and made small talk with everyone. In a slight case of boredom, Ron finally said to Cardinal Funicello, "Can we take a break and get some snackage? My bu... assets are falling asleep."
"Snackage?" the Cardinal wondered aloud.
"The Pope is hungry," Kim giggled to the Cardinal. She keyed her mic and said seriously, "The Big Cheese is on the move. It's chow time."
Kim led the way to the reception food area and Ron stood in line with everyone else. He spoke up to the two enrobed gentlemen in front of him. "Hey guys, you up for some eats too?"
The two Cardinals turned to Ron. "Your Holiness," Carver said in surprise, "you shouldn't wait in line like everyone else. Please go ahead of us." The two motioned Ron to move ahead of them
"Oh no no No!" Ron said waving them off. "I didn't like people cutting in line in the school cafeteria and I won't do it myself now. No, I can wait."
Cardinal Scaramanga peered at Ron strangely. "You know Your Holiness, you have assistants who will get your food or anything you desire."
Ron shrugged, "But then I don't get to see what they got on the menu. Thanks anyway for the four one one Cardinal..." Ron pointed at each of them as he tried to remember their names, "you're Cardinal Carver and you are Cardinal Scaramouche."
"No Pope Ronicus," Kim said stepping forward. "This is Cardinal Scaramanga. Scaramouche was the title character's name in the movie we watched last week. The one with Stewart Granger."
"Oh, sorry," Ron tittered weakly, "my bad. It was a good movie with a great sword fighting scene." Ron pulled out an imaginary sword and started to parry and thrust.
"Don't worry about it," the Good Cardinal said laughing lightly, "I get that all the time." Ron settled down and put his invisible weapon away before Scaramanga continued. "If you enjoyed the movie, you might like the book even more. It has the most wonderful opening line. 'He was born with a gift for laughter and a sense the world was mad.' Most appropriate, don't you think?"
"Why does that sound like someone we know KP?" Ron pondered.
"I don't know Your Holiness," Kim smirked while holding back a laugh. "Who do we know that has a child-like wonder and happy-go-lucky air to them and also thinks the world isn't in step him?"
"I still don't know," Ron shrugged. "Maybe it'll come to me later." Kim and the two Cardinals laughed as the line moved forward.
"Man, Sushi?" Ron wondered aloud as he looked over the table. "It's almost like the Master Lunch Lady is here," he whined.
"She is here Pope Ronicus-Kakka," Master Sensei said in his baritone voice as he approached and bowed. "She expressed her desire to honor you and your new standing and accompanied me to your Inauguration."
"Master Sensei," Ron said with glee as he returned the bow, "I am honored you came... but why?"
"When a student of mine attains a high position such as you have," the venerable old Japanese gentleman stated, "it is only fitting I come to wish him well and offer my services. I enjoyed your homily and offer my assistance in your en devours to bring the religions of the world closer together."
"Your assistance, in whatever form it takes," Ron said sincerely, "is greatly appreciated and needed. And Please, Thank Master Lunch Lady for her contribution too."
"I will Ronicus-Kakka. We will talk again soon," Master Sensei said and bowed. "Right now I am in deep discussion with some of the Cardinals of your Vatican. I believe their names are Blofeld, Kananga and Kristatos."
Kim and Ron bowed as the Japanese gentleman left. Ron grabbed the plate of Denver Rolls and returned to the Papal Throne.
Ron ate while he greeted more of his guest. While he didn't get any food on the people he met he did manage to spill some on his white suit. The line of well-wishes finally ended and Ron looked out on the people still talking and dancing. He said to Cardinal Funicello, "Thanks for the duds and sorry about the food stains. I can get em out with a little bleach. Do you mind if KP and I take a whirl around the dance floor? I need to stretch my legs."
"No Your Holiness," the Cardinal replied, "I think you've earned it. You did surprising well today though I don't know why I should be surprised. So far you've proven me right in thinking you can handle the Papacy."
The Pontiff stood and extended his hand to Kim. "Would you care to dance with me M'Lady?" Ron begged gallantly.
"I'd love to," Kim said as she took his hand and allowed herself to be led onto the dance floor. A waltz started and the couple began to swirl and dip to the music in each others arms. (But with a proper distance between them.) The entire room stopped and watched for a few seconds before they applauded their approval of the couple. Finally everyone ceased their gawking and went back to what they were doing before.
"You're not too tired from standing, are you KP?" Ron asked his dance companion.
"No Pope Ronicus," Kim assured him as she secretly reached down and muted her communications mic, "I could dance with you all night, or for the rest of our lives." She leaned in a bit and said, "And just to let you know, I'm not wearing..." she whispered in his ear. Kim returned to the proper distance in his arms with a giggle.
"Are you trying to get me to pitch a tent here on the dance floor and get me in trouble?" Ron smirked. Kim blushed and nodded. "Well, you're doing a pretty good job."
"Hush up Ron, I'm turning my microphone back on," Kim said as she reached down and turned on her communications equipment. "You must be tired from the mission and meeting all those guest Your Holiness," Kim said aloud and winked at him. "It's getting late and you have a busy day tomorrow."
"Your right KP," Ron said with a fake yawn. "Perhaps it's time to blow this popcorn stand and head for bed."
The couple left the dance floor and returned to Cardinal Funicello. Ron glanced around and saw no one was within earshot. "Tony, how long am I suppose to stay here?" Ron asked.
"You can stay as long as you'd like Ron," the Cardinal said with a smile. "Why? Do you want to take Kim out for an ice cream cone or something?"
"Ice Cream!" Ron said excitedly then calmed down. "That's an idea but no. Someone mentioned I got a coupla interviews on my schedule for tomorrow."
"Ten of them in the early afternoon," the Cardinal corrected him. "Mr. Jackman will meet with you in your room in the morning to go over the questions they'll be asking. It is almost midnight so perhaps you might like to turn in."
"That's what I was thinking," Ron assured his Aide.
"Though some ice cream would hit the spot," Kim nudged Ron with her hip. She keyed her mic and said, "The Big Cheese is headed to the kitchen for a kiddie-style cold one and then to bed. I'll walk him home. Night all." Kim turned off her communications equipment and escorted His Holiness, Pope Ronicus the First out the door.
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A/N: Kakka, the term used by Master Sensei, means "Your Excellency" and is used for heads of state. As with everything else in the world, I don't own any of the James Bond characters. I'm using their names for this story with no hopes of getting anything out of it but a light chuckle from y'all. And again and again, this is not a put down of the Holy Roman Catholic Church. If you think it is go out and buy yourself a sense of humor. I'll be the one in Dante's Inferno for this sinful little pleasure if anyone is to suffer.
A reference to Ron's creation mentioned in my story The Ultimate Prophesies. It's a cross between a sushi roll and Denver omelet topped with BN Diablos sauce. He gave the recipe to Master Lunch Lady and she sold it, with Ron's approval, to BN's Japanese outlets. Royalties go to the Yamanouchi School. They used the money from the first check to rebuild the dorm Ron destroyed on his initial visit to the school.