I had quite a few nightmares of Edward coming back and catching Carlisle and I together. Sometimes he would kill Carlisle, sometimes he would be on the verge of killing me but I always woke up before it happen and then other times he just looks at us with the most painful expression. If I had to choose on of these scenarios to come true, it would be for him to just end my life. I would never let Carlisle know how much guilt I felt sometimes for what the two of us were doing.

I loved Carlisle with all my heart but he has a wife that thinks that Carlisle will eventually come back to her; woman who I once thought of as a second mom. I know I would never have that type of relationship with Esme ever again and I would not deserve it. I knew the consequences of my actions from the start, but love seemed worth the risk.

I woke up this morning sweating, it was a Sunday and I had spent a night with Cullens. I had one of my dreams again, this time it was with Edward looking incredibly broken after realizing Carlisle and I was together. I could feel Carlisle's cold arms wrap around me and they felt good against my warm body.

"Bad dream?" He ask.

I rise up so I could see his face, which was calmed as usual I nod, "Yes."

He nods slowly pulling me back to his chest and says, "You want to talk about it?"

I shake my head as my finger grazes along his stomach muscles.

He says softly kissing my head, "I have heard you say my name and Edward's in your sleep a lot lately…and your voice always seemed stressed…."

I mentally slap myself for talking in my sleep.

I rise up again in the sitting position, Carlisle rises up next to me and I sigh, "Just having a few nightmares…"

Carlisle nods, "That is pretty reasonable. I cannot imagine how stressful this relationship may be for you…have to hide all the time, lying to your father….and the possibility of Edward finding out."

I look up at him, "But it is all worth it…"

Carlisle sighs, "Are you sure, Bella? Maybe coming into your life was not the right thing for me to do…we have put you in danger as it is and now you having to deal with stress of having to hide our relationship, may be too much. I mean maybe I…."

I was afraid what he may say that it may be best for him to leave…just like Edward I could not go through this again, I say frustrated about to get out of the bed, "You want to leave too…" tears were welling up in my eyes.,

Carlisle lightly grabs my arm and says, "Bella you are not letting me finish. I do not want to leave you"

I say now sitting on the edge of the bed my back turn towards Carlisle, "Then what did you mean?"

He says I could hear the bed creak as he comes near me and wraps his arms around me as he pulls me into his lap, "Maybe I should change you sooner. It would at least keep you out of danger…"

I look at him in shock, "Really…how soon?"

Carlisle shrugs, "It is your choice. It always should have been your choice…even if I rather you are able to participate in some of your life milestones…"

I sigh, "I have already been accepted to the University in Alaska and I have enrolled in some summer classes so I can move their sooner…"

Carlisle grins, "So you want to go to college?"

I shrug, "Maybe a couple of years, just to see…."

Carlisle pulls me into a deep kiss and says, "That sounds fantastic. So Alaska is your choice of school?"

I nod, "Yes…but one thing worries me."

Carlisle says, "And what is that…"

I was not able to look at him, "We will be near to Esme and the others…"

Carlisle says softly, "We won't be able to hide us, forever…"

He was right; they are going to eventually find out. I just rather I be able to defend myself from a certain blonde hair female vampire, when they do find out. For some reason I think she will be on Esme's side and me having an affair with Carlisle will give her a good reason to break my neck.

Carlisle says to lighten the mood, "I guess I need to fill applications there for a professor job…"

I smile, "They have hospitals there you know…"

Carlisle sighs, "Yes I know, but I will still have my medical licenses and could fill in every once in a while. I just feel a change of pace for once would be nice. I have been a doctor for a couple of centuries."

I say, "That seems understandable."

Carlisle then says standing up pulling me up with him, bridal style, "You seem hungry. How about let's go down and have breakfast."

I say, "We may want to get dress, since Jasper and Alice could pop in any minute."

Alice and Jasper are now living in the cottage, they still weren't exactly comfortable with us being together, but they did accept it. So they decide to stay in the cottage, so they would not have endure hearing us making love and most of all Jasper wouldn't have to feel it…and I did not complain because that was a little too weird for me if they could hear Carlisle and I…

Carlisle looks down he was only in his boxers and I was in pajamas, which I did not have on when I fell asleep last night but Carlisle is always afraid I will get cold so he sometimes puts my pajamas on after I had fallen asleep. But I still had no bra on or underwear…not something I would want Jasper to walk in and see me.

He grins, "Yes maybe we should look presentable before going down stairs."

I giggle as we get dress.

We finally came downstairs and I insisted that I cook. I needed to get my mind off of the nightmare I had last night.

I grab some eggs, cheese and some bell peppers to make myself an Omelet. Carlisle made coffee.

Alice and Jasper come inside and Alice says, "Thanks for deciding to get dress before coming down stairs. We appreciate it."

I blush. Of course she probably saw our conversation…

Alice laughs, "So easy to make you blush Bella."

I say putting the omelet on a plate, "Yeah whatever. You just be happy I can't make you blush…"

Jasper says, "oooo , Alice that sounds like a threat."

Everyone laughs. I was happy we were able to laugh together….I hoped that at least they will stick with us after everything unravels.

I knew Alice and I had a shopping date today which I was not looking forward to the shopping part but I was looking forward to hanging out with Alice.

I ask, "So what time are we going shopping?"

Alice sighs sitting at the table next to me, "I am afraid I am going to have canceled our shopping trip."

Alice would never cancel a shopping trip with me unless something was going on, "Why?" I ask.

Alice looks at Jasper and he says, "You might as well tell her." Alice looks back at me and says, "Well I had vision…"

I put my fork down, now she had my full attention, I feel Carlisle's hands on my shoulder softly massaging them, calming me down, "Victoria?" I ask in almost a whisper.

Alice shakes her head, "No. Not her…Edward."

I had tried to control my breathing. I was not ready to face him…not now.

Alice puts her hand on top of mine, "He is going to the Denali's; Jasper and I are going to go and see what is up…"

I nod, "You can't see what is going on…"

Alice shakes her head, "No…Edward has been quite indecisive lately, I cannot make out what he has been doing for the last month. My visions are not always clear, especially when is with someone who is for sure not in his right mind right now…"

Carlisle sighs, "Tanya had probably finally convinced him that it was impossible to try to track Victoria..."

I say confused, "Tanya?"

Alice says, "Yes she has been with Edward for a while trying to help him track Victoria, even if we all know that is almost impossible since Victoria is probably one of the best to keep herself unnoticed because her mate was a tracker…"

I had heard about the Denaili's and how Tanya had once had a thing for Edward…I wondered if she still had those feelings…why do I feel a ping of jealously thinking about them two together.

Jasper gave me a look noticing my jealously and I just look away. My emotions were too confusing for me to figure out.

I look at Alice wearily, "He will then find out about us…" I grab Carlisle's hand that was on my shoulder, stating that "us" meant Carlisle and I.

Alice shakes her head, "No he won't…we can keep him out our heads. It is not easy but it is possible."

Jasper says, more to Alice, "But it especially not going to be easy now, because he knows that you have been around Bella for a while…he will be trying to pry your brain to see how she is…"

Alice gets up and turns to Jasper, "Well I will beat him if he tries and tell him he has no right to try to find out about Bella when he decided to leave her broken and alone."

Alice looks over me and smiles "Do not worry about anything Bella. I promise I be back in a couple of days, because I know you are heartbroken that we have to postpone our shopping trip." I could tell last part of her sentence, she was being sarcastic.

I roll my eyes and return the sarcasm, "Oh you know I am, Alice."

She laughs and gives me a hug, "Well we better get going. See you later."

Jasper smiles and waves good bye…before I could blink they were gone.

APOV

For the past 30 minutes Jasper and I were discussing on how I had left some parts of why Edward and Tanya was headed by to the Denali's. I have not even explained it to Carlisle. I have had several visions of the two and I lied that Edward had block his self from my visions, which is nearly impossible for anyone to really block me from their visions completely, well unless you are a werewolf or near one.

Jasper says running next to me, "I just believed that you should have told them the whole truth. Bella can handle it and she is probably tired of people trying to protect her all the time…."

We were just about to arrive to the Denali's and I stop, "Jasper, she is not over Edward. She may end up falling back into the state she was when he left. I won't risk it…"

Jasper says, "Believe me, I know she has not completely got over him and I am afraid that Carlisle may have not completely falling out of love with Esme….when this all unravels it is going to be one huge mess..."

I nod agreeing, "I know and I have seen various outcomes, none of them are too pretty."

Jasper looks at me sympathetic, "This is breaking your heart too…" He said it at as statement because he knew exactly how I felt.

I shrug, "It is just the only reason Edward met Bella is because I practically forced him to do so…and look where it led…"

Jasper gives me a hug, "Darling do not blame yourself not even you could have predicted this."

I smile, "Perhaps you are right, but still at least part of this is somewhat my fault."

Jasper was about to protest but I take his hand and say, "We really do not have time right now to discuss this."

We then take off and finally make it to the Denali's.

Carmen comes out of her house and greets us, "Welcome back!"

I say, "Thanks. So do you perhaps know where my brother may be?"

Carmen nods, "Yes he is at Esme's house."

Jasper and I sprint towards Esme's house, we go inside and I notice Esme, almost had the house finish. That was the agreement between Esme and Carlisle. When she got completely finished with the house, she would come back to get the rest of our belongings and we would all move to Alaska.

I say to Esme, "Everything is looking great."

Esme sighs, "This would have not taken so long, if it didn't take so long for the materials to be delivered. I swear the pony express was quicker than Fed Ex…"

I nod in agreement.

Esme looks at me concern, "Alice, are you alright? You just seem almost worn out, not your lively self today."

I smile reassuringly, "I am fine, Esme. Just guess running back and forth like I have been is getting to me."

She gives an apologetic look, "We should have not put you in the middle of this…" She must be assuming that it was her and Carlisle's separation that was getting to me.

I give Esme a hug. It was disheartening that I was keeping a secret that could tear her apart and to think she is worried about my well being. I should be ashamed of myself. Jasper tried you relieve my negative feelings.

I then look from the top of the stairs over Esme's shoulder, "Edward, well how nice it is to see you."

Esme and I release our embrace and Esme raised an eyebrow at Edward and I, curiously.

I glare up at him and he looks at me defeated, "You want to go for a run so we can talk?"

I nod and look over at Jasper. Jasper puts his hand on Esme shoulder, "How about I help you Esme with the house…."

Esme looks at us all curiously, "Is something wrong?"

I shake my head, "No Esme. Edward and I just have some catching up to do…"

Esme says, "Okay then. Well I guess I will see you guys later. I was hoping we could have some family time together.."

Edward walks down and gives Esme a light hug, "It will only take a second. We will be back later."

We then left and ran a few miles out to where we were not in hearing range of the others.

Edward says "I can explain…"

I hiss, "Explain what? That you slept with Tanya and still want to go back to Bella."

I could see the guilt on Edward's face and he leans against a tree, "It was Tanya's idea…"

I laugh humorlessly. Of course it was Tanya's idea; she has always had a thing for Edward. Still does not make up for him giving in.

Edward sighs, "How else was I to ever to know how I would react when having sex?"I looked at him like he was crazy and I could see it in his face, how ridiculous that just sounded, "At least it made since when she explained it…I just wanted to know if Bella and I ever got back together…if I could give her everything a lover is to give to his mate…"

I glare at him, "What makes you think Bella wants you back? You left her alone in the woods…"

Edward says, "I did not leave her alone in the woods. For one I broke up with her on her front porch and when she did run after me into the woods. I waited and made sure she was safe…" He then sighs, "Though I did tell her I just needed to think before I left her, I guess I foolishly was hoping that would left her some hope that we will possibly could get back together."

I say, "What if she found someone else?" I then bit my tongue maybe I should not speak too much. I had been blocking my thoughts pretty well and so has Jasper.

Edward looks at me curiously, "So is that what you are trying to block your thoughts from me? Bella has moved on…is it with one of the wolves? Her family is good friends with the Blacks…" He was now trying to pry into my mind to see…

I glare, "I have been blocking my thoughts because you have no right to pry into her life, she is just now getting back on her feet, don't ruin it for her again."

He gives up trying to read my mind and looks off in the distant he still looked as heartbroken as he was when he left Bella. He was my brother and I loved him…I would have supported him going back to her if it was under different circumstances…

He says, "When Esme finishes with the house, she was planning on coming back to Forks to get the rest of our belongings and hopefully bringing Carlisle back with her. I was going to assist Esme and check on Bella. I just want to ask for her forgiveness that is all. If things go furthered then that is up to fate."

I cross my arms and look away, "I just do not think that is a good idea…"

Edward asks frustrated looking at me desperately, "Why does this bother you so much? You had begged me for months to go back to her and now when I decide to go back, you decide it is a horrible idea…"

I huff, "Too much time as gone by. Like you say, time heals. Why go back and bring her world crashing down…again?"

Edward says, "Well you should know rather or not this is a bad idea…"

He was right I knew what could happen and none of it is good, but I could not tell him that because it was not my place. That is just dandy, I am in the middle of all this mess, sometimes knowing everything ends up not being so great.

I look at him and take an exaggerated breath, "My visions are not always right. I wish you will stop being so hard headed and listen to what I had just said…"

Edward says, "I miss her. My life has always been meaningless without her. It was a mistake for me to leave her…."

I nod, "You are right about that, but you should have not fallen into Tanya's trap. It was only her way to seduce you; I mean that is an absurd way to see if you can be intimate with Bella..."

Edward sighs, "Well I have not been myself lately…"

I could agree with him on that, I raise an eyebrow, "Anyway, no reason for you to sleep with Tanya 56 times…."

Edward shrugs, "I am a man who has been a virgin over a century…it's kind of addicting."

If men would think with their brain and not with their penises, we would not be in this mess. Yeah and I am talking about Carlisle too. If he just waited before sleeping with Bella, then maybe things would not be so complicated

I pivot towards back to the house and say, "On that note. I think we are done talking. Just think about what we had talked about before doing anything stupid."

I did not give time for Edward to answer before leaving, I could feel the wall I built to block my thoughts from Edward slowly beginning to fall apart. The stress of keeping all these secrets was getting to me.

A.N. So I realized that I was supposed to post chapter 9 weeks ago and I had thought I did until I checked earlier today. So sorry for the long wait, but the bright side is I posted two chapters in one day

Thanks for all the review