Chapter 10

Jacksons POV

Watching them rush April back to surgery made my heart stop beating for a few seconds, she had always been the strong one. She is a survivor though and I know that she can make it but having Karev sitting next to me actually helped which shocked me more than anyone else I think. He was always an ass to April but he is to everyone, we all just kind of got use to it by now. It was reassuring to know that Dr. Shepard was the best neurologist in the country and he said that the bleeding in her brain could reoccur but I never actually expected it to happen.

"Look man, Kepner is crazy but she is strong as hell and she is not going to let this beat her. Shepard knows what he is doing and Mer is in there with him and they are unstoppable so just relax." Karev looked at me trying to be reassuring.

"There are some things that you just can't beat." I said getting up to go to the coffee cart.

Walking to the cart I thought back to mine and Aprils first day as an intern at Mercy West, she was so chipper bouncing around the locker room which everyone thought was annoying but I felt a little reassured because someone else was excited and nervous at the same time but showed those emotions on the outside while I fought them back from coming out. When we all finally were dressed and ready our resident came in and gave us our assignments. April and I were together on the first day and almost every day after that.

"Hi, I am April Kepner….. I mean Dr. Kepner but you can call me April!" She said bubbly and nervously.

"I am Dr. Jackson Avery, but you can call me Jackson." I said shaking her hand.

"You mean like Avery Avery? Like the most famous medical award ever?" She said nervously.

"Yes, I am Harper Averys' grandson but I would like that to stay between you and me for now. Is that alright?" I asked her.

"Sure! I can keep a secret!" She said bouncing her ponytail.

"Kepner! Avery!" Our resident yelled for us.

Now I was sitting here waiting to hear if she was alive or dead, if we were going to get the future we both wanted or is this the end of the road for us? I have made hundreds of families wait to hear about their loved ones and never understood why they were so panicked until I was the one sitting in these chairs just waiting for the doctor to come through those doors and basically telling me what my future holds. I was taught to keep all of my feelings in and to be the big man and I think I was doing a pretty good job at it on the outside but inside I felt like I was about to have a heart attack, puke and stop breathing all at the same time. I have never had a feeling like this before, Karev was playing a game on his phone still sitting next to me but I had nothing to say and didn't want to lose it in front of him or anyone so I just sat there shaking on the inside but drinking coffee like nothing was wrong on the outside.

"Jackson, we still have a couple of hours to go but I wanted to give you an update. The bleeding in her brain is more extensive than the scan initially showed but we are confident that we can get it stopped. It is just going to take us longer than we expected. She is holding stable so we are very positive." Meredith said and then turned around and went back to the O.R. before I could say anything.

"See, Mer and Shepard knows what they are doing, just hand tight." Karev said when his pager went off.

"Don't ignore your page Karev, I will sit with Dr. Avery go on." Bailey said taking Karevs place.

"How are you doing?" Bailey said putting her hand on my shoulder.

"I am fine, just worried." I said.

"You always have to be the strong one don't you?" she said.

"So do you." I replied and smiled at her.

"Yeah we do. She is going to be alright you know that right? I don't know what your guys' relationship status is and its none of my business but I can tell you love her and she loves you. That love is what's going to get her through this. She knows she has a lot waiting for her out here so she is going to come out of this and be fine." Bailey said while continuing to rub my shoulder.

"I should have gone to her apartment with her Bailey, she wanted to do the right thing and tell him about us in person and by herself. I should have been there; I should have gone with her to tell him. This is my fault!" I said starting to lose it.

"Hey! It is not your fault that he went crazy! It's not your fault and it's not your fault. You both are good people and good doctors and I believe that comes back around to help us in our times of need. You just have to breathe and trust the medicine and you know Dr. Shepard is the best and he won't stop until he fixes whatever is wrong with her." She said still trying to reassure me.

"I keep trying to be positive and strong but…" I started to say before she cut me off.

"But your insides feel like an earthquake is going on inside your body. You feel like you can't breathe, like you can't think straight, like you could puke, like you want to crumble in the floor and cry. Even though you know you can't because you have a stellar reputation in this hospital for being strong and you don't want to lose that so you just sit here and stare off and let a million things go through your mind and sip on your coffee so nobody will fret over you. Am I right?" She said looking over at me.

"Yeah, you are exactly on point. How did you know?" I asked curiously.

"When I was giving birth to my son my husband was having brain surgery at the same time as Meredith had her hand on a bomb a room down from my husband. Then when Tuck was a baby he tried to climb a bookshelf and the bookshelf fell on top of him. His abdomen was so damaged I did not know if they were going to be able to fix it without killing him. I also had my favorite intern get hit by a bus and another one get cancer. I have been in this seat waiting a lot myself; it's those of us who hide our emotions that I think hurt the most because we can't let them out so they just sit inside of us eating at us. It's hard but people respect it so we will just sit here and sip coffee and wait for them to tell us what's going on." She said this time grabbing my hand.

"Thank you." I said starting to tear up but was able to shake them away before they appeared on my cheeks.

We sat there for hours and Dr. Bailey never left my side until we saw Dr. Shepard and Meredith walk out of the O.R. and walk towards us. I could read there facial expressions and it felt like they were taking forever to get to me so I jumped up and power walked towards them.

"How is she? Is she alive? Is she going to be ok?" I kept asking until I felt Dr. Bailey put her hand on my arm.

"She is alive and she is stable. We were able to stop the bleeding but when we opened her up and got to the bleed we noticed it was in the part of her brain that affects her memory. I did everything I could, but I don't know if it was enough to save that part of her brain." Dr. Shepard said.

"So what does that mean? Tell me straight out!" I said.

"Jackson she could wake up and have no idea who she is or who you are. She may not remember anything or she could remember everything but you should prepare yourself for the worst." He said walking away.

"One step at a time Jackson, she survived the surgery. She will come all the way back now and if not we will do the therapy to help her come back. I have seen people come back from worse. Just keep your head up Jackson." Dr. Bailey said.

How was I supposed to remain positive? The love of my life might not even know who I am or who she is when she wakes up? She may not remember all of the great times we had together, her best friend Reed. All she had left of Reed was her memories and now those might be gone. She hadn't talked to the police yet about what Dakota did which might be a good thing that she doesn't remember but she needed to be able to tell the police so they could arrest him. She might not remember how to be a doctor, what it was like growing up on the farm. Everything that makes April, April could now be gone. She was talking this morning and now she is still fighting to stay alive, between this and the shooting how is she supposed to be ok ever again? How are any of us supposed to be ok?

After another hour they finally let me go into Aprils room, Dr. Bailey switched shifts so she could be one of Aprils' doctors for today. I walked in and saw her lying there with the breathing tube still in. I knew it was necessary after brain surgery but it was still hard to see. She looked so fragile laying there, the bruises on her face were darker than ever but she was still beautiful to me. She has to be able to remember, she has to know about us and who she is. I sat down and grabbed Aprils hand and watched her sleep, hoping she would come back to me.

Disclaimer

Thank you for those who keep reading and supporting my story! I really appreciate it! Things are nowhere near over so just hang on and wait for what is next! I promise you are going to like it!

Everyone please review and tell me what you think! I hope you enjoyed it!