ISSUE # 10:
YE WHO PLANTS...
This time stuff happens between main characters who like to beat the bush, some evil seeds and a much-eviler-yet 'vegetable'. It looks like a gardening manual, you say? But it isn't. It's the craziest series ever conceived by human minds. Well, 'minds', really...
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GOSH: Attention all nimrods down below! I am Gosh, speaking directly to your human impeded minds! Those Puyajins have arrived, they are in Kame House's ruins! Go there inmediately or we all will be doomed! (ROSHI: My house...) Soson Goku is yet to get out of the Other World (LANCHA: Am I hearing more voices?) so you need to buy him time and keep them busy till he arrives! So move your collective asses, now!
WILMA: (piloting) Crap, that's why I gave up my wish?! I hope Goku arrives soon!
(While she pilots her airship to arrive there, Goku is still signing up emigration papers.)
DREDD: When you finish the B4 form you need to sign up in this red booklet, once per page, as to buy time while I get the family registry: you must fill it with yer detailed bio and then we will be ready to take your fingerprints... blah blah...
(Back to Earth. The big Puyajin is detecting incoming life forms in his scouter.)
NAPALM: Boss, I detect some sentient beings approaching at great speeds!
VEGETAL: Good, I needed some warming up after all that stupid spinning around!
ROSHI: (inside airship) Ack, I see them! I can see them now! My home... damm it!!!
YANSHA: (as well) Calm down master, leave them to us! And leave me alone already!
(As he doen't, the airship crash lands and the bunch of heroes finally can see the threat.)
TESINPAN: Those are the Puyajins?
YANSHA: They are only two, we still outnumber them!
CHIQUILIN: Don't trust their looks!
LANCHA: Wait a fricking sec! Why do you start without us? We brought Chungohan!
TESINPAN: Oh, yes... but we still lack someone... here they are! (engine noises)
WILMA: (disembarks) We wished Goku back to life, but he's still missing! I feel dirty...
DISCOLO: Me too, but for another reason... (has puked)
CHIQUILIN: Still missing? That's bad, isn't it? (YANSHA: Quite bad!)
ROSHI: Don't get discouraged, we aren't defenseless. (LANCHA: You tell them gramps!)
SOMEONE: But when Goku arrives... should we grant him the leadership? / Man, don't know if.. / I don't think of him as the most adecuate! / Discolo, you have the most, well, charisma, maybe you... / I won't be calling anyone on a first name basis, forget it!
PUYAJINS: (0_0) (VEGETAL: Hey, wait, time out! Let's remember why are we here!)
ALL: Oh, yes, we forgot...
VEGETAL: I am Prince Vegetal, from the planet of the same name, and I'm of the great Puyajin race, as well as my subordinate Napalm, and between the two of us we'll smash you good and later turn his planet into raw material to flavour up a fast food meal!!!
NAPALM: Hey boss, that green one... isn't he of planet Vietnamek? (VEGETAL: Now that you mention it...)
BOTH: Ahahahaha! Why is a Vietnamek's wussy stuck here?
VEGETAL: Those pea-heads are just a bunch of tree-hugging pacifist hippies! (laughs)
DISCOLO: So I am... I am an ALIEN too?!
(GOSH: I didn't... I didn't know I was a member of... a race full of pussies...)
VEGETAL: Now, enough beating the bush and let's get into business, shall we?
NAPALM: Lesee... there are about ten of them, we should reduce such difference a bit.
VEGETAL: Anyway, this could be fun... so bring out this concoction of yours, quick!
(Napalm brings out a flask and sprays many bugs and plants, Vegetal happily bounces.)
TESINPAN: What's this?! It was you who said to get serious, didn't you?
VEGETAL: Oh, I can assure you, what will come now... is quite serious business...
(A giant flytrap, a giant boxing ant and an overgrown salamander arrive at the scene.)
GOOD GUYS: (0_0)
VEGETAL: Anyone who survives these buggers' attack will later have to face us! Haw haw, I'm da bomb!
GOOD GUYS: This ain't gonna be easy... but here we go!
VEGETAL: When they are done for, we'll begin destroying the planet... easy, isn't it?
NAPALM: Simple and effective as always, boss.
(Goku is still signing up booklets and the like, while our heroes beat on the monsters.)
TESINPAN: Come one, give them no quarter! (goes multi-arm)
ANT: (punches Chiquilin) (YANSHA: That ant bitch is lashing at Chiquilin!)
TESINPAN: I'll go help him! (cartoon fight noises)
(Discolo stretches his arm and snatches the vulture from The Smurfs, now also an enemy.)
LANCHA: Look out for that plant thingy! (shoots it)
YANSHA: Well, we've finished the birdbrain, the lizard and the ant. Go for the plant!
CHIQUILIN: (bruised) Why the heck didn't you smack her before?!
TESINPAN: Er, you know, we had to distract her first, the surprise factor and all...
LANCHA: (flytrap grabs her) Let me go, bitch! (more shooting)
(Te Sin Pan cuts the plant down with giant shears and a straw hat, it releases Lancha.)
TESINPAN: Take that! (cuts) Huh?
VEGETAL: Heh, heh... gotcha.
(The flytrap's bulb opens and it releases some Saibamen, sporting Banzai bandannas.)
LANCHA: What are those things?!
VEGETAL: They are Sobai Men, a variety of mutant lentils who grab their victims and never let them go! They come equipped with an explosive jacket too! Mwahaha, I rule!
NAPALM: Hey boss, when are we gonna fight? (Vegetal facefaults) I'm getting bored.
(Two Sobais grab Yansha and Roshi, while another two grab each other, and explode.)
CHIQUILIN: Yansha! (ULOM: Master Roshi!) (WILMA: Those two morons!)
VEGETAL: What, did you think this was a game? Why yes, it is... but I make the rules! (pause) Now you, remaining ones, can try to defeat us if you want. Heh, their ki is absolute crap...
DISCOLO: (stares) I will go first... let's see what you are made of! (puts cape away)
NAPALM: Let me go first, boss! (VEGETAL: Okay then. Poor guy was getting bored...)
DISCOLO: WOOOOH! (runs) (NAPALM: IAAAAH!) (runs too)
VEGETAL: Maybe you should pay attention to WHERE are you running, imbeciles!
(They were running away from each other, fact that causes a giant collective facefault.)
DISCOLO: Er, let's get to the point then! I'll fry you with my Spectral Attack!
NAPALM: Oh yeah? Then I have an Earth Spells' Barrier and one 'Lord of the Pit'!
DISCOLO: Ha, you won't have an Air Elemental by any chance?
NAPALM: Take that, now I have double lands! (DISCOLO: Screw it, I'll use a God's Fury!)
(For the ignorant, they seem to be d-d-d-dueling with Magic the Gathering cards now.)
CHUNGOHAN: (out of his plaster cast) Arf, finally! (ULOM: Sorry, forgot about ya.)
TESINPAN: What the fuck are those two doing? (HAVOC: I haven't the foggiest!)
VEGETAL: (¬_¬) Ahem! (coughs)
DISCOLO / NAPALM: Er, yes, ahem... (put cards away)
NAPALM: Was my turn, right? (DISCOLO: I think.) HA! (punches) (DISCOLO: Ack, he tricked meee!)
VEGETAL: Good job, Napalm. How about killing that spider-man there next?
TESINPAN: Wha? Who, where? (LANCHA: (¬_¬).)
(DREDD: Here are the entrance registries, you must sign them up too... ??? HE FLED!)
(Napalm grabs Ten and tears one of his arms out. Doesn't seem to hurt him much.)
NAPALM: It'll be worse, I swear. Haw haw! (tears more arms)
HAVOC: Te Sin Pan! You still owe me those 1000 Zenni! I won't let you die!
(Jumps to Napalm and attempts to use a grenade, but bites the wrong end and it blows him up.)
VEGETAL: Napalm! Finish tearing up the bald one, I want some action too! (NAPAL: This is lasting too much!)
CHIQUILIN: Can we know just what sort of grenade did you give Havoc, Lancha?
LANCHA: Shut up midget, only I are allowed to save my boy! Any problem?
ULOM: Then hurry up, if you wanna have something left to save...
TESINPAN: Must use my last strenght... to use my most powerful move... KI CANNON!
(Uses a capsule to bring out a missile cannon, then fires it. The Puyajin seems burned...)
TESINPAN: (Napalm fires) Fuck! (ki wave fries him)
LANCHA: Aaaarg! Fire at will! Kill that son of a bitch!
(Chiquilin and Chungohan pull out some firearms too and shoot Napalm all at once.)
VEGETAL: (explosion) Geez man, all that for... well, dunno...
(Incredibly, Napalm is only mostly bruised! At the same time, Goku dashes trough the skies.)
GOKU: I finally managed to escape! I couldn't stand it anymore, I see signatures everywhere!