A/N Second update of the day with half an hour to spare. Who rocks? That would be me. Enjoy!

Chapter ten

I didn't allow myself to believe that it was real until we crossed the river on the outskirts of Rome. Only then did it feel as though it might actually be happening. I was going home. The clear air and the cool scent of autumn convinced me as nothing else could have. I had been afraid I would smell nothing but death and rot from now on, even when I was nowhere near either. My fears were again, unfounded.

Everything seemed familiar and welcoming. These were the landscapes of my childhood and I felt as though they were celebrating my return, just as I was. I could see from the faces around me that a lot of the others felt the same. I happened to glance down at Ben, the one eyed soldier who had assisted me so faithfully, at one point and realised the wide smile on his face was a mirror of mine. Then I understood, everyone was wearing the same expression today: excited anticipation.

Families and friends awaited all of us. I had realised with a jolt when our journey began that I was on the road to becoming an uncle and a father. Rosalie and Tanya would both have had their babies by now. I was a father. The thought seemed much more real than it had when Tanya first told me.

I would have to find a way to make my life work with my wife. Though I had no idea how to go about it. As I thought more and more often of my child on the journey, I began to try to picture her, because for some reason I found myself convinced I had a daughter. But when I did I couldn't see Tanya in her features. I saw chocolate brown eyes and long brown hair.

It was disturbing and felt almost perverse. I wouldn't see anything of Bella in my child and my rational mind accepted it. She would probably be blond, if she didn't take after me. But I couldn't stop picturing her a certain way once I had started, I seemed determined to be irrational.

Though the time to indulge in such things was almost past. I glanced around me; checking my location and I knew I would be home within two or three hours. Soon, I would see for myself what my child looked like.

XXX

For a moment I hesitated outside the door of my courtyard; my home. My things around my feet. There wasn't much besides the gold I had been paid. It seemed as though I had been gone much longer than a year. So much had happened and it was odd that Rome had not been affected at all. I stood outside for a full minute and almost changed my mind. I could go and see Jasper first, or my brother. But that would be cowardly. Whatever lay on the other side of these doors, it was time to face it.

Would Bella still be here? What would my child truly look like? Would motherhood have changed Tanya? How would Bella feel about my having a child at all? I knew the answer to none of these questions and I couldn't put off finding them out forever. I heaved my bags onto my shoulders one last time and reached out a hand to push the door open.

The first thing to catch my attention was the quiet. The high walls had always muted the sounds of the city a little, but the silence was near complete. It was almost eerie. I hadn't known what to expect of course, but perhaps a child's cry? Or if Tanya and the infant were not at home, then Michael or...another slave.

After a few moments more the quiet began to unnerve me and I called out a greeting. Almost immediately there were sounds from the kitchen and Michael appeared in the doorway. He was startled at my sudden appearance but he was quick to remember himself. "Dominus," he said dropping to his knee.

I was momentarily confused. I had never demanded that my servants kneel before me. I expected a bow of the head but I had seen no value in forcing human beings to scrabble about on the floor. "Get up Michael," I said and he did as I asked. I considered asking him about his new greeting but he was flushing red and apologising. It didn't seem worth it as tired as I was from my journey. "Where is my wife?" I asked after considering which question I should ask first.

Before Michael could answer my question I was distracted. Two other young looking men had emerged cautiously from the kitchen. They, noting Michael's posture, hurried to his side and knelt before me. Keeping my composure I indicated that they should rise, "I do not like my slaves to kneel." I told them. Then I returned my attention to Michael. "Explain." I said simply.

"Dominus, this is Austin and his younger brother Mark. Domina bought them..." he thought for a moment, "Perhaps a year ago." The two young men dropped their heads as I glanced at them again. "She said she needed to replace Alice and Bella."

My head snapped up. If Tanya needed to replace Bella then it logically followed that she was not here. The breath I sucked in was silent and I didn't think anyone would have notcied, not that I cared at this moment. My heart felt as though it wouldn't beat again. I felt numb and for the first time I allowed myself to examine my true hopes. I had hoped she would still be here. I had hoped so desperately that I had almost convinced myself. But...if she wasn't here then where had she gone?

"Where..." I only managed one word before I heard the door opening. Tanya was back from wherever she had been and when she saw me stood in front of her, all the colour left her face.

"Edward," she whispered my name. "Jasper said you would be coming home soon but I didn't truly believe him."

I managed to summon a smile from somewhere, but I couldn't help but be underwhelmed at my own reaction. "He was correct. I'm home and I don't plan to leave again." I was pleased to note that my voice was without a tremor.

I went to take Tanya's hand in mine. Although she let me do so, I could feel the tenison rolling off her. She looked...different; not like I had expected. "I...I don't know what to say."

"Perhaps you could start with saying 'welcome home' to your husband?" I said, but I kept my smile in place.

Tanya returned it weakly and pressed her lips to mine, "Welcome home. I've missed you."

As I looked into her ice blue eyes I realised what it was about Tanya, that was not as I had expected. "Tanya, where is our child?"

If anything Tanya turned even paler and drew a ragged breath. She didn't answer me, instead she turned to Michael, "You can return to the kitchen." She said in an imperious tone I didn't care for. I didn't think I needed to look far to discover the source of all the kneeling I had encountered.

Still, I waited patiently until we were alone. As soon as the door closed Tanya's control slipped, "I...I didn't manage to birth the child Edward." She had taken her hand back and was now twisting her fingers together. "He came too early."

I felt an awful stab of guilt as I looked into my wife's eyes. She seemed distraught and I could understand why. Tanya had always wanted to be a mother. Peter had been unwilling to make her one for his own reasons, and I had denied her for years for mine. When she had finally conceived a child of her own, he had died.

She had been forced to go through the whole experience without a husband to help her through it, a husband who had thought of nothing but his mistress. I shuddered with horror at myself, "'He?'" I asked. It was the only question I would think of asking.

"Yes. That's...what I was told." She was still wrapping her fingers around themselves, while she stared at me intently. She was obviously waiting for some kind of reaction from me but I had no idea which one to give her. I was feeling too many things at once and many of them were overwhelming. I was horrified that there was still the question of Bella's whereabouts in my mind as well. There were other, much more treacherous thoughts beneath that one but I wouldn't consider them; any of them.

In an attempt to focus I pulled Tanya into my arms. She went willingly and I heard her let out a sigh of relief. "I'm truly sorry Edward."

I felt another stab inside my chest. It was not uncommon for Roman men to blame their wives when they lost children before birth. Fortunately I was a doctor and knew better. "There is no blame here Tanya. Sometimes babies aren't meant to be born. It was not your fault.

Tanya's body relaxed massively. She leant her head against my chest and I expected to hear tears, but after a few dry sobs she calmed. "I've felt so guilty."

I stroked her cheek with my thumb gently, "No blame."

She nodded a little then tried to find a smile. "I would love to try again Edward. Now that you're home we can. It'll be better this time."

I could tell that she wasn't only talking about her ability to bear a child. She was asking if we could try to make our marriage happier this time. I tried to speak, truly I did. The words just stuck in my throat and threatened to choke me. So instead of answering Tanya's question I pressed my lips to hers and kissed her until she was smiling widely.

XXX

Later that evening I made my way to my parents home, once again ensconced on Seth. He had whinnied happily at the sight of me and I had been delighted that he didn't even think to kneel. Thus far he was the only one who had welcomed me back enthusiastically.

Tanya had sat by me happily enough as I bathed and she had told me about the year I had missed. Rosalie had given birth to a son and was expecting another child already. Esme and Carlisle were thriving. I had several new cousins from my uncle Caius' daughters, and Rosalie and Esme had thrown a lavish dinner to welcome Jasper home recently.

If Tanya's lips had pursed slightly when she spoke of Alice I ignored it, if she sounded disapproving of the close friendship that had sprung up between Alice and Rosalie I pretended not to hear it. I was desperate for news of the imp. Not only had I missed her, but I had no doubt that she was my best hope for news of Bella.

I had tried to ask Tanya about her in a casual way, but she just said that Bella had run away soon after Jasper left to join me. If she had any other information, and I had no reason to think that she did, she didn't share it.

However there was a small part of my brain that doubted my wife's assertions, reasonable or not. Tanya had liked neither Bella nor Alice. With one of them gone, perhaps she had decided to rid herself of both while she could; while I was not there to stop her.

I had wanted to question Tanya further but I held back. There was no sense in causing an argument on the very day I returned. I had other ways of finding things out. Which was why I didn't spend the night of my homecoming at home. Tanya tried to persuade me to stay, but when she saw I was determined she didn't press the matter.

I had considered whether or not I should be doing this as I saddled Seth. Should I be tracking Bella down? What if she was happy and content wherever she was? What if she wasn't? It was a circular argument I had gone round many times recently and there was, as usual, no easy answer.

So I tried to convince myself that my motives were pure. I just wanted to make sure that Bella was safe, then I would let her go. If there was a tiny voice whispering in the back of my head; telling me that things were a little different now that I was not a father, I tried to ignore it. I'd been making a habit of ignoring things today.

With a sigh I dismounted and tied Seth outside the house. As I walked up the steps I considered how likely it was that my father would have any news of Bella. I had asked him to look after her as best he could and I knew that he would have tried. But if Bella had left my house with no warning, whatever the reason, then he might have found keeping his word impossible.

Then I tried to remember that I was about to see my parents for the first time in more than a year and I was glad. I knocked on the door and it was opened by a slave I didn't recognise, "Hello, I'm here to see my..."

"Edward?" My words were cut off by a shriek from nearby and I smiled. I knew that sound.

Rosalie appeared behind the unknown slave and almost knocked him over in her haste to throw her arms around me. I caught her and held her tight as she half laughed and half sobbed. I could feel a small hardness pressing into my stomach and realised that she must be at least a third of the way into her second pregnancy. But she was still Rose and she smelled wonderfully familiar and for a moment I just enjoyed being with her again, being with someone who felt like family. Someone who was truly thrilled I was home. "It's good to be home little Rose." I said with feeling.

She stood back from me and looked me up and down, her eyes were wet, "Edward, you're so thin." I'm sure I would have been treated to a lecture had my mother not chosen that moment to join us.

I was hugged tightly again and led into the house where Emmett was waiting with a huge grin and a baby in his arms. My nephew was a very good looking young man. He had Rosalie's eyes and his father's hair and when he saw me he grinned widely showing me one tooth.

Rosalie when to stand at her husband's side proudly and I smiled, "Who's this fine young man?"

"This is Edward...Edward," said Emmett and Rosalie nodded.

I was stunned and it showed on my face, "I...I don't know what to say."

"I know brother," said Emmett nodding seriously. "You're going to have to get used to being less handsome than another person."

"Oh well yes, that's obvious," I said with a shrug. But I couldn't keep it up. I smiled again and we all spent a few moments just being happy we were back together. I was so touched at my nephew's name that it took me a few moments to ask where Carlisle was.

"Your father should be back soon," said Esme handing me a cup of wine, "But I don't think we should wait to cheer your safe return." My mother shuddered delicately, "When I saw what had happened to Jasper I just...then when he said you were safe I almost didn't believe..."

Tanya had said something similar; about not believing I would make it home. Hearing it from my mother was even worse and I pulled her into another embrace. After a second I felt her sob, "No more Edward please. I can't bear it."

I planted a kiss on top of her head. "No more I promise," I said firmly. "I have done my part and I've had enough. Believe me." It was true. I wouldn't run away again. I would stay this time and face whatever life had for me next. It hadn't really done much good anyway. All my old problems were still here, waiting for me.

Carlisle returned home soon after and he had joined our celebration with enthusiasm. After an hour had passed I knew that I should be returning home, but I couldn't. Instead I waited for my chance to speak to my father. It came just after nightfall when Rosalie and Emmett left to take their son, Edward, home. We promised to see each other soon and when I saw a significant look pass between Esme and my sister in law I knew there would be a party.

Esme had excused herself, saying she had a headache, while trying valiantly not to wobble. My mother had been drinking on an emtpy stomach. I thanked the god's for their unusual level of mercy as my father and I were left alone.

Carlisle poured me another cup of wine while he gave instructions to the servants to take his wife something to eat and plenty of water. Once all was arranged he sat down opposite me. "So, are you glad to be home son?"

Despite our earlier jubilation at seeing each other again, I could see the tension in his shoulders and for a moment I didn't want to ask him. Carlisle knew, or suspected, that I wanted to know about Bella and he was hoping he was wrong. I could try and pretend that I had forgotten about her, but I had to know. I sighed heavily, "Do you know what happened to her, father?"

Carlisle looked pained for a moment but he didn't hesitate to answer me, "I don't. I'm sorry." He drained his cup and reached to refill it. "I visited your home every other day. I checked on Tanya and made sure I always took a moment to speak to Bella." Carlisle ran his hand through his hair and I recognised the source of my own habit, "Then one day, a few weeks after you left, she wasn't there. I assumed she was at the market, but the next time I asked Tanya about her. She told me that Bella had run away and she seemed very annoyed about it."

"Did you...believe her?" I asked, feeling more guilty by the second. "Do you think Bella ran away?"

"It seems odd I grant you. But Tanya's ire was genuine I'm sure of it. She was furious at Bella. Then two visits later..."

Carlisle voice trailed away, "Please, go on."

"Michael met me at the door and said that his mistress had begun to bleed in the night. They had sent for the doctor but he could do nothing. He gave her the correct advice, to rest and drink lots of water. I wanted to go in but Tanya had said no visitors. I could hear her crying so I forced my way past Michael."

"How bad was she?" I asked, not sure I wanted to hear the answer. It seemed so odd though, why she didn't want help from her family and friends?

"Very upset Edward," Carlisle shook his head. "There was nothing to be done though, it was already too late, the baby had gone from her during the night and she knew it. She just needed to...grieve. She wanted to be alone. I tried to persuade her to let me bring her here so Esme could care for her. Tanya just cried harder, she kept saying she didn't want to see anybody."

I sat still for several minutes just absorbing my father's words and letting myself feel all the guilt that was mine. I deserved it, "Father, I'm sorry." I said finally.

"Sorry for what?" He sounded utterly confounded.

"You failed." I said miserably, and a little dramatically.

"Failed at what? Edward, I don't understand."

"You set out to raise a good son, a good man; you failed."

"Edward, we did not fail. You are a..."

"Don't say it. Don't. It's a lie. You are telling me about my wife's suffering and still, I can not focus only on her. There is a part of my mind still wondering about Bella and whether I can call on Jasper and Alice tomorrow and try to find out if they know anything."

"Do you care about Tanya's pain?"

"Of course I do," I nodded. It was true. I felt terrible. I would be happy to suffer for both of us if only there was a way I could manage it. "I would give anything to have her happy. I want her to find some joy, to have the family she wants, but...I don't want to be the one to give it to her."

Carlisle drained his glass with a pained look, "Oh Edward, I just...I don't know what to say to help you."

I tried to disguise the sag of my shoulders. I hadn't expected a magic solution to my problems. "I understand."

"Whatever you choose to do, we're still all behind you. There's no question about it."

"I...I don't know what I'm going to do. But I don't have to know that yet. What I do know is that I have to find her. If I find her happy and healthy then I can stop; I can try and find a way to let her go finally. But while she is just gone all I can think about is..." I imagined Bella working at Eric's and shuddered. If she was in trouble somewhere I couldn't leave her.

"I understand Edward. You love her and you need to know she's safe."

I checked Carlisle's face and found nothing but concern for me there. "How can you be so good, father? How did you become this way and why am I not able to do the right thing even when it's hard?" I hoped I didn't sound too much like a whining child.

Carlisle poured himself another cup of wine. "I haven't always done the right thing, son."

"Oh?" It was a surprise to me if it was the truth and not just my father trying to make me feel better.

It didn't seem that way though, Carlisle was looking more uncomfortable than I had ever seen him. He passed his cup from hand to hand as he spoke. "I know I've always refused to go into details about my previous marriages, but I...I was not a good husband to my second wife."

"You weren't? How so?" I asked, fascinated at this unexpected insight into my father's life before I joined it.

"You must understand. I had been pressured into marriage once already and lost that wife in childbirth; the baby too. I felt terrible guilt over her death. I was a doctor after all, why could I not save my own wife? I couldn't help but wonder if I was being punished. After all, I had recited wedding vows I didn't mean. Perhaps I had angered the god's." I wanted to interrupt and tell him it was ridiculous to blame himself but he held up a hand.

"I don't think that way anymore. I learned to accept that sometimes bad things happen. I was finally getting my life back together...then there was Jane and she was so much younger than me. She was barely more than a child when she came fearfully to our bed on our wedding night. I...I couldn't do as I was supposed to Edward. She was afraid but she was willing and I couldn't do it." Carlisle shook his head as though the words he was speaking were so shameful he couldn't bear to think about them.

"Father, if it was as you say then it was not wrong." I tried to comfort him. After all, I couldn't imagine being forced to take a girl barely older than a child to bed.

"Perhaps not then. But Jane grew impatient, not for a long time but she did in the end. She was older and considered herself wiser and she wanted me to be a real husband to her." Carlisle shrugged helplessly, "I couldn't do it. And she grew to hate me for it. She knew, as did most everyone that the love of my life was Esme Volturi though I had never been allowed to marry her."

"I'm so sorry, father. I didn't know it had been so difficult. I always thought it was grandfather Aro who made it impossible for you to be together. Yet you were forced to marry too." I had never known my paternal grandparents and for a minute I was glad.

"My parents would have been overjoyed to see me marry a Volturi, but they knew that wasn't to happen. If I couldn't marry Esme, they considered it their duty to find me another wife and they did. Two of them. Two women I made miserable because I couldn't love them." Carlisle finished another cup of wine and sighed heavily as he poured another, "We stayed married until my parents were killed and then I offered her a divorce and money." My father shrugged, "She took the offer gladly and was remarried within two months." Carlisle raised his glass, "And I was so glad."

"And then you were finally able to be with mother," I said and I smiled. I didn't like to see my father this way; dwelling on hurtful things from the past. Not when I was the one dragging the memories to the surface.

"Exactly," and the cheer returned to his eyes. "Sometimes things seem hopeless for a long time before they get better."

"I hope you're right."

XXX

I awoke my first morning back in Rome feeling very unsettled. I wasn't sure why I felt that way at first and I looked down. Tanya was draped across my chest. The sun was already heating the room and where our skin touched I could feel stickiness. I wriggled uncomfortably out from under her and she whimpered in protest as I laid her head gently on the bed. I went toward the basin of water that had already been filled by Michael or one of the others.

It felt so good to be able to get out of bed and wash without worrying about using up water reserves. I may have splashed about a little too enthusiastically but I took pleasure in it none the less. As I dried my face I looked at Tanya.

When I had returned from my parent's house last night she had been waiting for me and I felt like an animal for whom a trap had been laid. She had been lying in bed naked and smiling at me when I entered our room and my heart sank slightly in my chest. I reminded myself that I had been expecting this but it wasn't exactly true.

My intentions had been to fix my relationship with Tanya for the sake of my son or daughter. I had left Rome to try and clear my mind of Bella so that when I returned I would be able to be a true father and husband. Now I felt as though the rules had been changed when I wasn't looking. I was not a father, Bella had disappeared and Tanya was naked in front of me wanting to try and have a child all over again.

My head felt so full of thoughts that I was amazed I was able to walk across the room. I wanted to lie in the dark and think for hours until i was able to figure out what to do. Instead I had gotten into bed and muttered some excuses about how tiring my trip home had been.

Tanya was not to be deterred and she told me she was sure she could help me to stay awake. Her mouth around me was not totally unexpected and despite my fears and worries it was hard to ignore. I wouldn't have had the energy to have actually lain with her but this took no energy on my part at all.

I had offered to reciprocate but Tanya would have none of it. She just kissed me and said that we had plenty of time. I was tired, she didn't mind... Now as I stared at her blond hair spread over the bed I felt a twinge of uneasiness. I imagined her lying here the day after she lost our child. Carlisle had said she had cried and refused visitors, but he had forced his way inside to make sure she was in no danger. He said she had just needed to grieve for the child she had lost...our son.

I remebered her fingers twisting together as she spoke to me...

'I didn't manage to birth the child Edward...He came too early..."

She said that she was told it was a boy. But that didn't sound right. Michael said that Tanya had replaced Bella very soon after I had left. If the two new slaves had been here almost a year then Bella couldn't have stayed more than a month, perhaps less, after my departure.

Later I could only blame my exhaustion from my journey and my distress about Bella. It was the only possible explanation I could divine as to why I hadn't noticed the inconsistency immediately. Standing in my bedroom looking at Tanya lying on our bed the realisation crashed through me.

I strode over to the bed and seized Tanya's arm, shaking her. She was startled and dazed but her eyes found mine and she looked afraid, confused...perhaps even a little bit guilty.

"Who told you the baby was a boy?" I demanded.

Tanya blinked several times and she stared at the hand that was holding her. I knew I wasn't hurting her and I didn't want to give her the chance to try and avoid answering me. "What?" She muttered.

"Who told you?" I asked and in my anger I shook her again.

"Edward I don't understand," Tanya's eyes were filling with tears and I dropped her arm. I took no pleasure in manhandling her. At that moment I was sick to think I had ever touched her.

Meanwhile she was still staring at me, her fingers twisting round and round in the sheets. Tanya's lack of an answer was almost proof enough but I wanted to hear her say it. "I think the question is simple enough. Who told you our child, the child who came too early was a boy?"

Her lip was trembling and she couldn't look at me for longer than a second or two. Then I realised it wasn't just her lip, her whole body was shaking. "The doctor of course," she whispered, but there was no conviction in her voice.

"Which doctor? Who attended you?" I demanded.

"Edward, why are you asking me this?" She was weeping quietly now and as I watched her shoulders shake pathetically, I felt as though the anger was draining out of me. It didn't matter really, I didn't need her to speak the words, I knew the truth anyway.

"There was never any baby." I said and Tanya clamped her eyes shut. At least she didn't try and deny it. I felt sick as I remembered her telling me her 'news'. The pain it had caused me, but more importantly, the pain it had caused Bella. It had been for nothing, all for nothing. I had left Bella behind for nothing. Tanya had lied to me.

"Edward..."

"You lied to me." I said as my words echoed my thoughts. I didn't raise my voice. I just reached for my tunic and began pulling it on.

"Why would you say that?" Tanya scrambled to her knees dragging a sheet around her. She was staring at me in complete horror now and I just didn't care. I didn't even care that she was trying to cover her reactions finally.

"Carlisle told me that he came here the day after you..." I stumbled over the words, "Lost the child. I'm a doctor, Tanya and I worked it out. At your supposed stage of pregnancy there would have been no actual baby, no way to tell if it was a boy or a girl." She seemed fixed in place by my stare. Her mouth opened and closed a few times. "But you didn't know that did you?"

Tanya went pale and then she flushed red. I didn't need to hear anymore. I spun on my heel and left the room. She called for me but I didn't turn back.

XXX

I had expected the anger to return. As I rode Seth through the streets of Rome I waited for it to well up inside me, the rage. But nothing happened. I didn't feel better for the news, but I didn't think I felt worse either. Tanya had lied to me, she had lied about something no one should ever lie about. As calm as I was I couldn't imagine how she had thought she could get away with it. Unless she had planned all along to fake the loss. I hoped that wasn't the case. That circumstance would make me think the worse of Tanya certainly.

Though, even as I considered Tanya's actions I knew that I was certainly no better. I had betrayed my wife just as surely as she had betrayed me and I had done it first. No, I was no better.

But perhaps, just perhaps we could be considered almost even. That idea held some appeal even if I wasn't sure it held true. Still, whether we were equal or not, we were certainly closer than we had been.

It didn't matter, not at this moment. Freed, though probably not forever, from my guilt about my wife I rode Seth straight to Jasper's house. I dismounted quickly and inelegantly but I could hear my heart beating in my ears and it was hard to focus on anything. There was only Jasper's door and the possibility that Bella might be somewhere behind it. I tied Seth up and went to knock without thinking further.

The door was opened by a slave I recognised though I could not immediately place him. I nodded, "Edward Cullen, I'm here to see your Dominus." The man nodded and pulled the door open wider. I stepped inside and looked up and up. This man was enormously tall, taller even than Emmett and wider across the shoulder. His skin was a pleasant colour, just darker than honey and suddenly I remembered him. "You belonged to my brother did you not? I was there the day he bought you."

"Yes master, my name is Jacob. I am here only to collect a gift for my Domina."

"Brother!" Jasper's voice boomed as he came to meet me. My eyes automatically drifted to the spot where his hand should have been, they drifted away just as quickly. His arm was fitted with an odd sort of glove. There were no spaces for fingers obviously, just a covering for the area. Jasper clapped me on the shoulder with his other hand. "It is good to see you home safely. You're well?"

I knew Jasper had seen me looking at his arm, but if he wanted to ignore it, I was more than happy to do the same thing. I embraced him and kissed him on each cheek, "I am well brother, though not as well as you I suspect."

Despite the injury Jasper had sustained he was looking remarkably well. His skin was tanned and his hair was neatly brushed back. He was also wearing an unusually fancy tunic for this time of the day. "I would guess that Alice has been taking good care of you."

"You suppose correctly," Jasper chuckled. "She was furious with me for all of ten minutes before she broke down and began to fuss. She hasn't stopped yet." The glee on his face told me that he hoped Alice would never stop.

As though we had summoned her by thinking of her Alice appeared at the bottom of the stairs, "I couldn't stay angry with him, not for long." She was smiling at me widely and when I turned to her she hurried forward.

When she was standing in front of me she hesitated for a moment, then she bounced on her toes and gave me a brief, but firm embrace. "Hello Alice," I said and I grinned for the first time since I had returned. I had forgotten her tiny little features and the way her hair bounced as she did. It was much longer than I remembered and it fell almost to her waist. Yet somehow it still bounced.

I stared at her and my grin grew wider. She was...proof. Alice was real, tangible evidence that I hadn't somehow imagined everything. If Alice was real then so was Bella. I embraced her again and held her tightly, "It's good to see you Alice. Very good."

She rubbed circles on my back as though she was trying to sooth me. I don't know how she knew I needed the comfort, but she was right. "It's good to see you too...Edward."

I pulled back to look at her and a short almost hysterical laugh bubbled out of my mouth. She had the impish smile on her face I had missed and she had used my real name. She had barely changed and knew I should try to be delicate. I should work up to the question I was so desperate to ask, but I didn't want to deceive Alice. I had always been able to be honest with her in the past and I wanted to believe that hadn't changed. It might not be exactly polite, but she would understand. "Alice, is Bella here with you?"

Alice's expression froze and then relaxed, my question as not a surprise after all. She looked as though she was in pain when she spoke, "No, I haven't seen her in almost a year. I...can't help you Edward." Jasper came to stand at her side when her throat hitched. I wasn't any less upset. Alice and Jasper had been my best hope. Where else could Bella have run? None of the other options were good.

There were not many ways that women could earn money to live. I shuddered as I imagined Bella at Eric's. This time as one of the girls who lived there. "Tanya said she ran away without any warning. Did she speak to you before?"

Alice squirmed under my gaze, "I went to see her every day, of course. I asked her to come and live with us. Jasper said..."

Jasper stroked Alice's arm and smiled tightly at her. "Edward knows about everthing that happened before I left to join the legion." He turned to me, "I take it you didn't get my letter."

"Your letter? No, I started back for Rome barely two weeks after you." I hadn't received one letter the whole time I had been away. It was not unusual.

"I'm sure you know everything by now anyway. It just explained about Bella having left your house," Jasper stopped and looked uncomfortable. "It also warned you about Tanya and..."

I waved a hand to dismiss his awkwardness. "Tanya lied," I said adruptly. "There was never any baby." Alice's eyes widened but she didn't speak. Jasper looked terribly uncomfortable and after a moment I took pity on them both. "You don't have to say anything. What is there to say? Tanya lied to me and I..." I looked away, "I didn't check or make sure. I accepted her word and now..." I felt panic building. If Bella wasn't here and Alice hadn't seen her then I had to try and think of where else she could be. I had to begin to search for someone who had a year's head start.

"I'm sure she's safe Edward. I believe it," Alice reached out and clasped my hand in hers. "I would know if something bad happened to Bella."

"Did you..." I fought hard to keep any trace of accusation out of my voice, "Did you try to find her."

Alice nodded, "I didn't know what to do at first. I sent Jasper's slaves..."

"Our slaves," Jasper corrected her quietly.

Alice shot him a look which clearly said this wasn't the time, "I sent the slaves to the market to check there, I had them scour the city as best I could but..." Alice shrugged helplessly. Her eyes were wet and she seemed desperately sad, "She had just vanished."

I sank into the nearest chair. I felt as though everything was sliding around. Alice couldn't help me and if she couldn't no one could. There was a ringing silence and all I could think about was that I had to find her. Nothing else mattered. Bella was the only fixed point in my world.

I wasn't sure how many minutes had passed when I felt Jasper's hand on my shoulder, "Brother?"

I raised my head and saw them both staring at me in concern. Alice's face was streaked with tears that must have been shed silently. I might have been sitting there for hours making them uncomfortable. And it wasn't helping anything. It wasn't getting me any closer to her.

I got to my feet and cleared my throat, "I should be going."

"You don't have to go, you should stay a while..." Alice began but I cut her off.

"I would love to hide here. I don't want to go home and face my wife and her lies. But hiding and running away..." I sighed heavily. "It hasn't solved anything."

Without another word I made for the door. I wanted to get back on Seth and go to Eric's. Bella was familiar with the place and perhaps she might have gone there. Though why she would do that when she could have been safe with her friend I couldn't understand. Surely Alice would have checked there anyway.

Still, I wanted to go and see for myself, it was the only starting place I could imagine. I pulled open Jasper's door and went to untie Seth's reins. I mounted up in a kind of trance and was some distance away when I heard Jasper's voice.

"Brother! Edward wait!" I pulled Seth to a stop and turned around. Jasper was hurrying towards me looking very nervous, "I don't have more than a second." He glanced nervously behind him. "Bella's here. She's been here, with Alice, ever since she left your house."

I stared at him for a full second trying to force his words to make sense. I had just heard them tell me that they hadn't seen Bella in a year. How could she be so close? "I don't understand, why didn't you..."

"I wanted to tell you, Alice wanted to tell you, but Bella begged us not to. She doesn't want you to know where she is but I..." He looked at me and I knew it had cost him a lot to tell me this. Alice wouldn't betray Bella's confidence and I had to respect that. Jasper had intended to keep the secret for his wife's sake but, after all, we were brothers.

"Jasper, is she..."

"I can't stay. I just had to tell you." He glanced nervously over his shoudler again, "Alice is going to the baths with Rosalie tomorrow. Bella never goes with them because Rosalie doesn't know she's here. She doesn't leave the house unless she's disguised. You can come then, maybe an hour before sun down." Jasper seemed to struggle with himself, "There is so much more you need to know, but I don't have time."

He turned and headed back to his house, "Jasper, wait. What else do I need to know? Why doesn't Bella want me to know where she is?"

"I don't have time to talk. You will just have to ask her yourself tomorrow." He smiled and nodded and then hurried back to his home and his wife. The wife who would probably be very angry if she knew what Jasper had just told me.

I didn't feel any animosity to either of them. All I felt was a kind of rush. Bella was alive, she was safe. She was so close by and I almost turned Seth around and battered down Jasper's door. I wanted to see her and hold her and...

I wasn't sure how to finish the sentence, I didn't know if Bella wanted anything from me anymore. But I knew what I wanted. If Bella still wanted me, I would not hesitate again. I would leave Tanya to do whatever she wanted to do with her life. I would divorce her so quickly it would make her head spin, immediately in fact. I considered discussing it with my father first, but I knew he would support my decision.

More than anything I wanted it to be over between us, now. I would even have a type of excuse, one that would be understandable from her family's point of view.

Tanya would probably claim it was her idea to divorce rather than admit to her deception. Either way I didn't care, I would not hesitate again.

XXX

I pushed open the door to the courtyard and was about to head straight to the house when I saw Tanya seated at the table. I had never seen her face so pale. Her eyes were swollen and red; she had obviously been crying for hours. The sight of her in so much distress barely registered with me. I knew that I should feel some compassion for her but I couldn't.

If she hadn't told me her filthy lies we would have divorced. Perhaps that was a selfish thought, but not totally. If we had parted, Tanya might have found happiness with a man who loved her. Surely that was the better way. I couldn't believe that she liked being married to me, when she must know that I didn't, and had never, loved her.

"I don't want to talk to you now," I said and I began to walk around the table. Tanya got to her feet but didn't approach me.

"I understand that, I truly do. But even if you don't want to talk, I need you to listen."

I stopped but I didn't turn to face her, "What would you like to say?" My voice was eeriely calm, even to me.

"I want to tell you that I'm sorry. I lied and I'm sorry. But I was so afraid Edward. I was so afraid all the time." Her voice was breaking again and I could hear the tears that were close.

"Afraid of what?" I asked.

"That you would cast me aside. I know you never wanted to be my husband and I thought..." I turned back to her and saw her fingers twisting together again. "I thought if we had a child it would be different."

Tanya was not wrong. If she had truly been pregnant and given birth to our child, things would certainly have been different. We would both have loved the child, I knew it. But I didn't believe that meant that we would have cared for each other anymore. "How could you lie about something like that? How did you ever think you would get away with it?"

"I...I didn't think. I just...I knew...I knew..." Sobs racked Tanya and she dragged her hands through her hair in frustration. For the first time she looked a little angry, "I knew that you were fucking Bella and I...I was more afraid then ever."

For the first time her words stymied me. I had never imagined that she knew about Bella. "How did you..?"

Tanya cut me off, "I always knew." She shook her head sadly. "I would guess it started around Esme's birthday." I couldn't find the words to speak so I just waited. "I could see it Edward, the way you looked at her when you thought I wouldn't notice, it was...obvious." She glared at me, "Then when I payed a bit more attention...well, the view of the courtyard from our room is excellent." I swallowed heavily. She had seen Bella sneaking out, of course she had, I hadn't been as careful as I thought.

"I didn't really care at first, but when you started to leave our bed at night to go to hers..." I gulped again. "I was afraid Edward. I thought you were going to divorce me so I panicked. I told you a stupid lie and I'm sorry."

I stared hard at her and I felt as though I was seeing her properly for the first time. "You were right. I wanted to leave you." Tanya covered her face with her hands and sobbed. "Tanya, why are you trying so hard to keep me?"

"Because I love you Edward." She peeked out from behind her fingers and suddenly I felt very tired. I just didn't believe her.

"Do you?" I asked. "Do you truly love me or do you just want me because you can't have me?."

"You are my husband, we belong to each other." She looked a little angry again but I would not be drawn into an argument. It wasn't worth it.

"We don't belong to each other Tanya. You don't love me, no more than I love you. We are two people shackled together and..." I took a deep breath, "I intend to put an end to it." As soon as the words were out I felt better; as though a weight had been lifted from me. Whether Bella wanted me or not, I would not continue this farce.

Tanya did not feel the same obviously. She sobbed hard as she tried to speak, "You...you're going to leave me?"

I nodded, "It's the right thing to do Tanya." She hurried toward me but I took a step back, "No, I mean it. This must stop."

"But you don't even know where Bella is. No one does. Why should we part now? Why can't we try, both really try hard to make this work?" She reached out for me and I took her hands in mine and held them away.

I considered telling her that I knew exactly where Bella was, but I didn't. It would be cruel to tell her. Instead I told her the truth as I saw it, "Because it shouldn't be this difficult Tanya. It shouldn't be this hard to love someone. I betrayed you, I know it and I am not proud. If I loved you I wouldn't have done it. I have no excuse." Tanya was still sobbing and trying to free her hands but I held them fast. "And you wouldn't have lied to me about something so important if you loved me."

"I lied to you because I love you, I lied to keep you."

"You can't keep me anymore Tanya. I'm sorry, I should never have agreed to our marriage. It was wrong of me." Once I began I couldn't seem to stop telling the truth.

Tanya was shaking her head, "It wasn't always easy, but it wasn't always so bad. Bella ruined everything, but she's gone now."

I pushed her away from me firmly but gently, "It doesn't matter whether she's here or not. I fell in love with her Tanya. I can't make it go away and I'm tired of trying."

"Edward..."

"No, no more." I went to turn back to the house, and Tanya seized my hand, "Take some time to think about what you want to tell people."

"Why can't we tell them the truth? That you are divorcing...have divorced your wife for a slave. You are divorcing Tanya Denali for a slave!" Two bright spots appeared high on her cheeks as she spoke.

"I know you're angry and hurt and that I should tell you that I will let you say anything you want. But I won't." I pulled free and walked to the house and paused, "I won't let you start a war between our families over our mistakes. Too many people would suffer and I won't allow it."

"You intend to stop me?"

"I can't stop you, but if you tell your truth, I will tell mine. I will make public your lie and I don't think your family will be pleased with that either."

I heard Tanya gasp behind me. I didn't turn to look at her, "Edward, please...I love you."

When threats didn't work Tanya switched to begging and back again. I gave a humourless laugh, "I don't believe you." I left the courtyard and went straight to one of the rooms we kept for guests. "Our marriage is at an end from this moment Tanya. I think we will both be glad of it."

XXX