I disclaim. I own nothing.

AN: Updated my profile to now include a picture of Tara and Alexei's house.

Chapter 8

Growing up with Gemma, Jax had come to know her moods by just the set of her shoulders. So the charming grin that worked on her since childhood was on his lips before he even stepped into NICU nursery. She glanced up at him, then quickly glanced away. Yeah, she was good and pissed this time.

"Tara tell you? You're going to get to hold your grandson soon."

Gemma rolled her eyes. It was exactly the right note to hit. The boy was entirely too charming for his own good and much too aware of it. In so many ways he was still so young, so childlike despite the patch on his back. "Woke me up first thing this morning to tell me. What about you?"

"She told me last night." Jax caught the calculating look in his mother's eyes. "Don't. Niko wanted me to stay and play before he went to bed. Tara and I talked, then I left. Slept at the clubhouse. Alone."

"And that makes more sense to you than staying with the woman you love."

Shaking his head, Jax looked down at his son. He couldn't believe that after so many months he'd finally be able to hold him. When he woke this morning he'd been afraid that he'd dreamed it all, that Tara never told him Abel would be out of the incubator. But his eyes were barely open when his cell rang, Tara telling him that the any day timeframe she gave him was now today.

"How's she doing? With the whole thing with the Fed?"

"She's okay." Jax shrugged. "The guy's gone. She knows I wouldn't let anything happen to her."

"She also knows Hale feels the same way."

Jax's eyes were hard when he looked up at his mother. "No, he doesn't."

"Then why are you beating around the bush with this." Gemma pushed out of her chair to stand over the incubator as well. "This baby needs a mother."

"He has a mother." And he couldn't allow himself to think along the same lines as Gemma. Sometimes the thoughts crept up on him, there really was nothing he could do to stop it. But he couldn't intentionally allow his thoughts to go there.

"You really think that junky is what this baby needs." Gemma caught the look he cut her, but she ignored it. "You don't think Nikolai deserves a father."

"Tara's doing a real good job making sure he knows about his father." He didn't know why it bothered him. It shouldn't bother him. It was only right, as Nikolai would have no memory of the Russian, that Tara do what she could to keep some part of the man around for their son. Jax just didn't like having that reminder around as he was very good at cancelling the Russian out of the equation completely. "She never asked me to be the little man's father."

"How was she going to do that when you were married to another woman? I know you think I'm meddling, but I just don't want to see you get hurt, baby."

"I'm not going to get hurt. Why would you think that?"

"Because you and Tara fall into this game of one-upmanship that only ever ends badly. And unless you two stop playing games, start acting like adults, it's only going to end the exact same way. With the both of you getting hurt."

Again Jax looked down at his son, but said nothing.

Gemma looked at her son. Tara was always the one area she just could not get through to him on. Unfortunately Tara was only slightly better. Not only were they stubborn, they were both just so damn spoiled that they didn't know how to deal with not getting what they wanted. And what they wanted, what they both always wanted, was each other. They did stupid things to show how much they didn't need each other. Lenny once said they were broken when they were apart and because of this, they broke other people trying to prove they weren't.

"You don't want to listen to me. Fine. Just sit back and watch as Hale swoops in to play daddy."

"Tara wouldn't let that happen. She's done with Hale."

"Don't be stupid." Gemma snapped. "Hale's heart has gone pitter-patter for Tara since you were kids. And now that they've been together, you really think he can go back to being her friend." When she saw the pain flash across his face, she pulled back. The plan had been to make him angry, territorial. Not hurt him. With a sigh, she reached out to take his hand. "I just want you to be happy, baby."

Jax smiled. "I know."

"You should go. Doctor said it might be awhile."

"So everything work out with the renters?"

"I've been here how long and it's just now occurring to you to ask me that."

"I've had shit, Tara, give me a break."

Tara was sitting in the middle of her living room, a basket of clothes sitting next to her. Her cell was sitting on the coffee table, the speaker on so that her hands could remain free. Nikolai was laying on his belly on the couch, face a study in concentration as he drew a picture. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, you know, club shit." Kozik's voice was dismissive. "Everything's fine. Now tell me what happened with the renters."

"Well they didn't sue me. There was a foreclosure a couple blocks over, so we got it cheap. I had to offer the first two month rent free for the inconvenience but…" She shrugged.

"You weren't sued."

"Exactly. So what's going on up there?" As much as Charming was home, she missed Tacoma. She missed the guys.

"Nothing much. Rip has an Old Lady now."

"You're shitting me. Who?"

They talked for the next twenty minutes. Kozik filling her in on the mundane every day things of the club. But it was those things that she missed. And she was glad that things were mundane, that no one she loved was hurt.

"Tell the guys I miss them."

Kozik scoffed. "I'll tell 'em you said hi. And what about me, do you miss me?"

"I miss you most of all, Scarecrow." And though her tone was joking, her words were sincere. "When are you coming down?"

"I'm trying to make the time, Princess. Listen I gotta go. Talk to you later. Bye, Nik."

Nikolai scrambled off the couch, leaning over the table until his mouth was pressed to the phone. "Bye, Kozzie." With a wide grin he snapped the phone shut.

Grabbing him around the waist, Tara pulled him into her lap. His small body jerked as she began to tickle him, blonde locks flying everywhere. "Why'd you hang up on Kozzie? Silly boy." She allowed him to scramble away from her before jumping to her feet to chase him. They made two laps around the house when there was a knock at the door.

"Knock, knock." Gemma called out as she stepped into the house.

"Yeah? Gemma?"

"It's me." She called back. Looking around she noticed the basket of clothes, it looked like Tara had folded maybe two shirts. She was willing to bet the basket had been sitting there most of the day. Tossing her purse onto the couch, she sat and pulled the basket over so she could get started.

"Hey."

"Hi, sweetheart." Gemma smiled as Tara walked out of the back of the house. Nikolai practically climbing over her back, his cheek pressed against hers, and a wild reckless smile lighting up his face.

"Gem!"

"Hi, baby." She held her arms out for Tara to lower the boy into her lap. Brushing her hand over the thick blonde hair, she kissed the dimple in his cheek. "His hair is as thick as yours. It could probably still get dark, you know."

"Now you sound like my dad."

"Lenny always was a smart man." Setting Nikolai back on his feet, Gemma went back to the basket of clothes.

"Oh, Gemma you don't have to do that."

"Someone has to." Although Tara wasn't as bad as Jax-she at least could be counted on to do her laundry-Gemma knew folding and putting them away was never Tara's strong suit. "And I don't mind doing it. I know how busy you are."

Tilting her head to the side, Tara's eyes narrowed on the other woman. She knew there was no way Gemma came over to fold her clothes. "What's going on, Gemma? Thought you'd be camped out at the hospital until they took Abel out of the incubator."

"Could say the same for you. Figured you'd want to be there for Jax and Abel."

"My shift starts in a few hours. If I can swing it, I'll be there."

Gemma's brow arched. "If you can swing it? Since when is family something you swing? Jax is going to hold his son for the first time. How can you not be there for that?"

"Jax wasn't there for me when I held my son for the first time." Tara snapped, hating herself almost immediately.

"How was that suppose to work, huh. Jax on one side, the Russian on the other."

Tara ran her hands over her face, she didn't want to fight with Gemma. She didn't want to fight at all. But it annoyed her to no end that they all insisted on referring to Alexei as the Russian. It was the way they said it, with such disdain, as if saying his name would give him more respect than what he deserved. "Can we not talk about this? And I didn't mean swing it like that. I have other patients, other responsibilities. But if I can be there for Jax and Abel, you know I will."

Gemma nodded as she went back to folding the clothes in the basket. "I know, baby."

Tara shifted her feet a bit, Gemma could always make her feel like a child. "I'm sorry I snapped."

"You're still on edge because of that son of a bitch fed." She began a pile of neatly folded T-shirts. "You ever going to tell me what happened with him."

"His superiors called him back to Chicago. He-"

"That's not what I meant and you know it. How many times did he put his hands on you?"

She didn't lie to Gemma, she couldn't. Tara didn't know what it was but she'd never been able to tell Gemma a convincing lie in her whole life. But this time she had to. Kohn was gone and she just couldn't get into that shit again. She didn't want to think about the times he would grab her and throw her around. Or the times his temper would snap and his hand would fly across her face. And she could not, absolutely refused to, think about the time he shoved her to the ground and tried to forced himself inside of her.

These things were behind her, they couldn't hurt her anymore. No good would ever come from Gemma or anyone else knowing. So for the first time she looked Gemma straight in the eye and she lied. "Just the once." Convincingly.

As much as he tried to get over it, Jax couldn't get his mother's words out of his head. Despite everything else that was going on, he hadn't been able to stop thinking about Tara. He knew a lot of it had to do with finally being able to hold his son. Now that he was out of the incubator, Abel was even closer to coming home. And Jax started to wonder just what it was he would be bringing his son home to.

An empty house, an overbearing grandmother, and father who didn't know what the fuck he was doing. Thanks to Gemma, Abel would have a nursery, a clean house but he wouldn't have a home. Jax thought the kid should have a home. Thought if he and Tara were together, if she and Nikolai lived with him, his house would be a home. Abel would have a family. But he and Tara weren't together.

He still felt like shit for believing Kohn. It was just that Tara's kid was a hot button issue for him. When he found out she went back to Tacoma after she finished med school, he convinced himself she was working her way back to him. Lenny's birthday, and fuck if he could remember how old the mand was turning but, Tara had decided to throw her father a huge party. Because of the number of charters that were showing up, Tara invited SAMCRO to come stay with her and Jax had very much considered leaving Wendy at home. Then he realized that Tara was inviting the club to stay with her at the home she shared with Alexei. In the end he had Wendy ride with his mother.

Looking back he realized she'd been different. She'd been uptight, jumpy as fuck, and anxious. At the time he chalked it up to the fact that it was the first time they'd seen each other since their weekend together. Now he knew better. Now he felt guilty as fuck for not realizing how much she needed him. Now, when there wasn't shit he could do about it.

Tara had met them at the clubhouse. Because a few other charters would be rolling in the next day, she wanted to have a bar-b-cue at her house with SAMCRO and the Tacoma boys. Clay and Gemma had already agreed to stay with her, but none of the boys had really committed to it. A lot of it had to do with wanting to go back to the clubhouse and getting drunk and fucking as many sweet butts as they could, but it also had to do with loyalty to him. But then they saw the house.

No, sorry, fucking mansion. Sprawling goddamn estate complete with pool, basketball court, and guest house. Shit, she put Clay and Gemma up in their own apartment inside the house. And everyone had decided to stay, Jax was sure they would have stayed even if Tara hadn't offered.

Wendy had been so fucking smug, making sly comments about being able to fit their house inside Tara's and still having room. Practically laughing at him as Tara showed them to a room on the opposite side of the house then where she and Alexei slept.

"What is this like the servants quarters?" Wendy scoffed.

Jax had watched as Tara's jaw clenched. "It's private."

"Wait," Wendy stopped, the hatred she always felt towards Tara shining through her eyes. "These are the servants quarters. You're putting us up in the fucking servant quarters."

"Goddamn it, Wendy, will you please stop saying servant quarters." Tara had finally snapped, causing Jax to struggle with a grin. "We don't have a live in maid, so it's just another fucking room. I thought you'd want privacy. Shit."

"Hey," Jax had stepped forward, placing his hand on Tara's shoulder, unable to keep his fingers from grazing her neck. "It's cool. We'll take the room."

Jax didn't sleep in the room. After everyone had gone to bed, he went in search of Tara. Found her waiting up for him in the kitchen. It wasn't until he collapsed into the first bed he found sometime around dawn, that he realized how much he missed just talking to her. Not that anyone believed they spent the night just talking, but Jax didn't really give a shit about what anyone else thought.

He was just fucking happy to have her back, even if it was just as a friend, he was glad that she was there to reach out to again. Thought he could live with just her friendship. Believed it up until he found out she was having another man's baby. And no matter how he did the math, he could not make that kid his. And Tara didn't seem to be in any rush to hand him over either.

Dropping down onto the foot of his bed, Jax pulled out his cell. Dialing Tara's number without even having to look. They weren't together, but he still needed his friend. Needed Tara. The phone rang several times before she picked up.

"Shit. Hello."

Jax laughed, she was a bit breathless and he could hear the annoyance in her voice. "If I didn't know any better I'd think you always answered the phone that way."

"Jax, hey. Sorry, I stubbed my damn toe."

"Must of known it was me." His smile spread slowly as he lay back on the bed. "Couldn't wait to hear my voice."

"Baby, you get any more egotistical your head will explode."

"I happen to know for a fact you love my big head. And since you brought it up," Jax could practically hear her roll her eyes on the other end. "What are you wearing?"

"I was wearing a towel." Her voice dipped into something that kicked him right in the gut. "Now all I'm wearing is a few drops of water."

"Send me a picture."

"I'm old enough to know that never ends well."

"Talk to me, Tara." His voice sounded rough to his own ears. His dick already growing hard in his jeans. His heart hammering in his chest because she was just so fucking good at this. Back when they were younger, before she finally let him in her pants, this was how she kept him in line. They'd be somewhere and she'd let him get as far as filling his hands with her boobs before pushing him away, but she knew how to keep him happy. Curling up to his side to press her mouth to his ear and ease her hand down his pants. Her words alone were enough to have his eyes crossing in pleasure.

"Sorry, baby, I can't. My son and your mother are right up the hall in the living room."

"Fuck." Jax closed his eyes, but when he did all he saw was Tara standing naked before him. "You're killing me, babe. What is my mother doing there, anyway?"

"Besides folding my laundry, I'm not really sure."

"How's the little man?"

"Fine." There was a smile in her voice, there always seemed to be when she talked about Nikolai. "I have a late shift tonight at the hospital and an early shift in the morning so he's going to stay the night at Donna's. He's getting all his wild out here so he can go over there and be an absolute angel for her."

Jax laughed, if he didn't know the kid any better he'd think Tara was making Nikolai out to be a lot more diabolical than a two year old could actually be. But kid or no, Nikolai was way too fucking clever for his own good. "I think Donna's the only one he's got fooled."

"I think you're right. So, what's going on?"

Her voice became a bit distant, he could hear her moving around and figured she put him on speaker so she could get dressed. "I just wanted to call and make sure we were okay."

"Why wouldn't we be."

Jax gave an inaudible sigh of relief. It had been exactly what he needed to hear. "I should get going. I'll see you later?" He was asking more than that and he could only hope she knew it.

There was a pause. "I'll be there when you hold your son, Jax. I promise."

He couldn't stop grinning like an idiot. Holding the substantial weight of his son for the first time, recalling how tiny he'd been, how sure he'd been that this day would never come. But here they were. Abel was staring at him with dark serious eyes, looking for all the world like he was asking now what. And really Jax had no clue what came next. What would come when it was time to take his son home? But not letting the unknown get him down, Jax continued to grin. Because he was finally able to hold his son and he was finally beginning to feel like a father.

Hours later and Jax wasn't sure how he was feeling. It sure as fuck wasn't like a father. He should have known, should have fucking known that everything had gone too right today. Getting the money for the Irish, finally getting to hold his son, it all fell too perfectly. It was bound to go sideways. And fuck did it ever go sideways.

Someone taking a shot a Clay. Tig pushing for war, Opie quietly backing him. Why didn't anyone see what was happening? See that going to war, rushing blindly into something they didn't fully understand was the bad move? He was afraid he wouldn't be able to stop Tig. Afraid to bring his son home if war started. And to make matters worse, they had asked him to bring Tara into it. Wanted him to bring her back to the clubhouse to take the slug out of the Irish's ass.

If someone was coming after SAMCRO and was ballsy enough to take a shot at Clay in public, they could very well go after anyone close to the club. He didn't care if Lenny told her everything, Jax didn't want her mixed up in club shit. So he got the supplies from her. Assured her it was nothing serious and that Chibs could handle it. And he said goodbye. Looked her in the eyes and basically told her she didn't belong in the club. That she made something different of herself and it was the way it should be. And what does she do? She looks at him, in a way she has only ever looked at him, and told him he was something different as well. She fucking wrecked him.

When he got her call-heard the tears and panic and fear in her voice-he almost jumped off his bike and ran back to her. Had to force himself to remain calm and get back to her safely. He forgot about Clay, forgot about the Irish with the slug in his ass, shit he forgot about the fact that someone might be out to kill him. He had to get back to her.

Seeing her that way, half dressed with blood on her fingers and smeared across her chest had really fucked him up. He couldn't think pass the way she looked, couldn't think pass the implications of her state of undress. Couldn't think pass the need to take the butt of the gun and beat Kohn to a bloody pulp. It was a feeling that only intensified when he saw Kohn, on the floor like the fucking rat he was, shirt off and bleeding from the gut. He was a fucking dead man. Had been dead the moment he fucking touched her.

Tara had pulled him back. She was shaking, scared, crying. He wanted to put her on a pair of jeans, get her in the Cutlass, and send her back to the clubhouse. Didn't want her around for what he knew he needed to do next. He tried to make her understand, convince her that killing Kohn was their only choice. But she freaked, the thought of Kohn coming back sending her into another round of hysterics that just fucking ripped right through him. What had the son of a bitch put her through?

Jax had to keep himself from squeezing her too tightly, force himself to focus on getting her calm and out of the house. But then Kohn spoke. Insulted her. Even bleeding from the gut continued to terrorize her. And Jax had just fucking snapped.

Now as he sat on the bed, gun cooling on the bedside table, Kohn dead in front of him, he couldn't take his eyes off Tara. She made a noise, this small helpless noise that just broke his heart. And Jax was afraid she wouldn't look at him again the way she had looked at him no more than twenty minutes ago.

The kiss she planted on his lips seemed to surprise even her. But Jax heard what she was trying to say-thank you. He held her in place, searched her eyes, pleading-I need you. He pulled her in, brushed his lips with hers, but she jerked back-I can't. But Jax wouldn't let her go, held her tighter-I can't fucking not.

It broke her. Broke everything inside her to feel his lips on hers. It shouldn't be this way. Shouldn't feel so fucking perfect when everything was so wrong. But as his hands fisted in her hair, tongue seeking entrance into her mouth, she found herself not caring. She needed him, needed him so fucking bad it ached. So she pushed and he pulled and they fell back onto the bed. Tara crawled on top of him, keeping her mouth fused to his and she fought desperately to get his clothes off. She needed to feel him. All of him naked against her, buried inside her.

Jax considered tugging down his zipper, pulling her panties aside and just thrusting up into her. But it wouldn't be enough. He needed to get closer. Sitting up quickly, he began to tug frantically at his clothes. She pulled his cut over his head, carelessly dropping it on the floor behind her. He kicked off his shoes and socks, leaving her to deal with his jacket and shirt while he fought with the fly of his jeans.

It wasn't easy to shove his jeans down with Tara refusing to move. He had to place one hand on her ass to lift her up a bit as his other hand impatiently shoved his jeans down. His painfully hard dick sprang free of his boxers, slapping against the inside of Tara's thigh and causing her to moan low and long. She had his shirt and hoodie bunched up under his arms and with his jeans finally down Jax was able to lift his arms to help her remove them the rest of the way, but she only kept her mouth on his.

She couldn't stop kissing him, a shudder running down her spine at the feel of his tongue tangling with hers. Air was becoming a must, lungs burning from lack on oxygen, but she couldn't break away. It had been so long since the last time she was able to taste him this way. Felt him hard and ready against her thigh. She actually began to shake with the need to have him inside of her.

It took all the strength he had to push her away. She whimpered as their lips parted, clutching desperately at him to bring him back, and making Jax clumsy in his rush to get back to her. Once he got the shirt over his head she fought it the rest of the way off and just like his cut she tossed it over her shoulder. Hands going to her top, Jax popped the buttons off-tried not the think about the buttons already missing. Pulling it down off her arms he threw to the far corner of the room.

Reaching behind her back, Tara made quick work of the snap of her bra. Jax's mouth was on her breast before the bra even dropped to her elbows. Flipping her onto her back, Jax set back on his hunches, eyes traveling over her with the same reverence as his hands. He pressed a kiss between her breast, lips moving steadily lower until he reached her panties. His hands gripped the sides, Tara lifted her hips to help him ease them down but Jax gave the thin material a tug and snapped them right off her.

At this Tara reared up, pushing him to his back again so that she could straddle his waist. Lowering her mouth to his, she raised up slightly on her knees so that she could ease her hands between them. She gripped the base of his cock and with just the subtle shift of her hips she finally-finally-had him inside of her. Pushing back off his chest she lowered herself slowly onto him all the way. Loving the way he filled her-only the way he could fill her-so completely. Head falling back in pleasure, Tara began a slow grinding movement with her hips.

Jax gripped tightly at her hips, fighting to keep his eyes open and on her. Being inside Tara was like nothing in the world, she fit him so perfectly. He tried to savor the feel of her moving against, tried to keep his need to drive hard and deep into her in check. Tried as hard as he fucking could but it was a lost cause.

Moving quickly, he sat up. Holding her close to his chest, her legs wrapping around his waist. It took some maneuvering, and they never lost their rhythm, but he finally had her on her back. They were pressed so closely together Jax could have sworn she could feel his heart hammering in his chest. And being this close to her, enjoying how they lined up so well together, he was able to set a different pace.

Taking her hands in his he held them down near the top of her head, giving himself a little more leverage to drive just that bit deeper inside her. Somewhere in the back of his mind Jax knew how fucked up this situation was. Knew that they'd forever altered the balance of their lives. But it didn't matter. At the moment nothing outside of this bed mattered.