-10 -

Being Warren

Monster (Youtube Remix) – DRAKE feat KANYE WEST, LIL WAYNE, EMINEM

Her heart clenched in her chest. Vika could hardly control the growing anxiety in her. The helicopter was enveloped in a cloud of sandy dust. It hovered slightly seven feet over the ground, its metallic doors vibrating in the wind. The rotating blades raised hell around it. It made a slight metallic noise as it touched the ground. Vika would never admit it aloud but her heart sank a little at the sight. From the courtyard where she stood, she turned her gaze to the blinds of Warren's office. She couldn't see anything from where she stood, but she knew he was watching just like her. The blades slowed and stopped.

Warren stood there watching the heliport through his 360° vantage point in his office. His office was like a control tower. From it, he could witness all entries and exits. This feeling he had was like riding a recurrent flow. The sense of déjà vu was strong.

This scene he has seen. This conversation he already had. He closed his eyes as music blasted his headphones. He simply waited… for the shit storm that was coming.

Sometimes the sense of déjà vu was so strong you had to ask yourself if you were asleep or awake, yet you stood headstrong and determined to ride the recurrent flow even better than the last time.

The elevator B1 in Seattle Grey Sloane Memorial was packed as always.

Nothing unusual about that.

Squeezed between a very tall black male nurse and an old lady in a wheelchair, Deluca was riding next to Shaw, and she was in the best of mood, meaning, she was pretending to ignore him.

"Can we talk about this?"

Shaw pretended to check her surroundings. She was getting rather good at it. She looked very serene when she got back to checking her phone like he hadn't just thrown the whitest of flags in front of her. In fact, Audrey Shaw looked just like she was about to go to war.

"I don't know why we can't all just be friends."

She sent a glare in his direction. This silly pretty boy couldn't be this naïve, could he?

Deluca scratched the back of his head. The elevator stopped and almost everyone got down but these two.

"I just didn't want things to get complicated with us."

"Whatever, pretty boy…" She said.

Taking her words for some encouragement to continue, he decided to stretch this awkward moment all he can.

"You surprised me, that's all."

"I said whatever… Meaning, drop it."

"You kinda throw yourself at me…" She sent him a glare as a warning. But Andrew Deluca was born brave and clueless. Clearly ignoring all the warnings, he threw himself onto that landmine without a care in the world.

"I mean, you kissed me… I got caught off guard."

"That's not what happened!" Audrey countered back firmly. She may have been drunk as a skunk that night. She remembered perfectly what happened. He kissed her. They kissed. If he wanted to be a coward about it, it was his prerogative, not hers. She remembered everything that happened that night from the insane queue to the bathroom to the most awkward kiss ever. It had been a night of supreme humiliation. She knew there was no way anything would have happened if pretty boy here hadn't sent her all kinds of blurry messages.

"I didn't kiss you. I recall you kissed me first." She pointed out.

There was no way that senseless idiot would put this on her.

"On the forehead… It was just a friendly thing…"

"Who kiss somebody on their forehead? Who does that? Do you listen to yourself? I should press charges for sexual harassment."

Deluca's eyes went wide in horror. Why was she suddenly so loud? He looked around him in panic.

" Don't you use that word? Somebody could hear you! Are you crazy?! You know that's not what happened? We were both drunk."

" Maybe…"

"Maybe you were drunk. So you admit it?"

"I admit to nothing. You're an idiot and I will not let you try to play this out like I'm the one who jumped your bones. That's not how you're gonna tell that story to your grandchildren. Like you're some Prince Charming..."

"I'm just trying to say…"

"Don't... Like you didn't expect it…"

"Can't we agree it was a mutual mistake? "

"No, we cannot. "

"What? Why?"

"Why am I having this conversation with a three-year-old ?"

"Because we're friends and you owe it to me to accept my apologies."

"I don't owe you anything. You misled me. You played the nice guy. You ask to look at my nephew's picture. You forcibly kissed me and if it was not humiliating enough, you rejected me. "

"I just said I didn't think it was right. Audrey… I'm sorry. You're great and it's not you… "

"I will stop you there before this becomes anymore mortifying. I'm not in love or anything. I don't even think I like you most days. I hate the scent of your stupid aftershave and the smug smile you give to the attendings when you get something right… So like a trained monkey! You're so annoying! And Okay, maybe I'm overreacting but it was humiliating! I have never been rejected before… I can't believe it had to happen with a desperate guy like you! So what, I misunderstood your baby talk earlier and your forehead kisses… You had no right to reject me. We could have had a one-night stand without me willing to ever remember it but you had to reject me. Now we're no longer friends, not even ex-lover because of you, we're back to be rival. It's war."

" You can't be serious."

Audrey did not flinch.

"It's not that serious, Audrey. You're kidding right?"

She gave him another glare.

"When I'm done with you, you will wish you opted for law school."

Audrey Shaw said with her usual bluntness, leaving behind a very confused Andrew Deluca.

Vika was running, climbing the stairs two by two to Warren's floor, the Surgical floor. She was halfway through the second floor when she crossed path with a strange procession of people. Bodyguards, assistants, one pretty-young-thing, and a pilot… For as long as she'd known him, the man never traveled lightly.

"This is… This… is..."

Not recognizing the stammering voice, Vika spun around and noticed Liz Whyatt behind her for the first time.

"This man is…"

Liz turned to Vika in panic.

"Is he who I think it is?"

Warren's billionaire grandfather. She got that right.

After 89 years walking this earth, using it for his playground, the man still walked with the suave and self-confident air of a young Boggart. Vika had known a lot of scary men in her life, some downright disgusting creeps, some downright dangerous monsters. Not one had been able to instill a permanent chill in the back of a neck like this man here.

The group didn't slow down when they crossed path. She knew the old man noticed her anyway because even though he didn't spare her a glance. He whispered something to one of his assistants. The assistant on the left glanced her way just after that with a knowing nod. Nothing new, he always acted like she wasn't worth the effort. If it was any consolation prize, he treated most people that way.

"What is he doing here?" Liz asked.

Liz was probably stupid enough to think Vika was about to supply her with information like they were playing on the same team.

"Did you know about this?" She asked again.

"Flaunting his immortality, destroying universes, corrupting innocents, selling death, making deals with demonic forces, drinking virgins blood, the usual devil's work…You must know. Aren't you two acquainted? No? I thought so with you and your habit of shitting on people's legacy. I thought you must have known Mr. C. really well. "

Liz glared at Vika. Vika glared back with a hint of satisfaction. Crossing her arms over her chest, she watched the old man disappear inside the chief's office.

Warren used to call it a recurring flow, like the chorus of a well-known song. Just before it happened there was this vague sense of familiarity that washed over him as the door of his office opened slowly without so much as a warning.

Both men stood facing each other, some western music theme could have played in the background, the encounter couldn't have been tenser. Warren took off his headphones and put them down slowly on his desk. No hasty moves he knew.

"Warren…"

"Chadwell…"

"I'd much rather you call me Grandpa."

Warren shook his head with a snicker.

"I used to want to do just that but I recall you putting a ban on that word when we were still fairly young."

"I was halfway through my fifth life. I didn't feel anywhere in a state of mind to be anybody's dear old grandpa."

Warren chuckled again. That was a good time as any for the Devil to have a change of mind, he thought.

"So you have a change of heart…now…"

"I just realized you don't get any younger, boy. If I have to pretend to be old and senile for you to pick up a phone and call, so be it."

"You must be really old and senile because the way I recall things I didn't call."

"But you will…soon."

"You had sex with a medium on your way here?"

It was Chadwell's turn to snicker.

"Her name was Sandra Rose. She's been dabbling in the arts for thirteen years now."

Knowing his grandfather was probably half joking, Warren let an amused smirk reach his lips."

"I will not. Call you. I can assure you."

"That's not what a little bird told me…"

"Bird lies. That's what they do. A word of advice. You could have also called, give us a warning of sorts, or spare us the embarrassment somehow."

"And waste the wonderful surprise… No, I refuse. You look like hell. How could I miss that!"

Chadwell said with all the eccentric mannerisms that reminded Warren of his lost younger brother, Dyshiki.

"Thank you, Grandpa. You look quite like yourself."

" Such a good kid! Ah! I saw your little Russian girlfriend in the hallway! She is all grown up now, wearing scrubs, meaning she finished med school, I'm impressed. You have an eye for these things."

"Not Russian."

"It's all the same to me to tell you the truth! They all have great legs and no ass !"

Warren said nothing.

"I'm intrigued. Does she still work on the side for that family of hers?"

Warren frowned. He knew the tactics well. He would not indulge the old man. He had no time for that. So he took a look through the blinds at Chadwell's large party, who stayed outside his office.

"I saw you brought my new Grandma?"

"Isn't she a beauty? She was Miss Texas two years ago."

" See I'm impressed. She can carry a gun in that purse."

"I know you're not. Lloyd... Dyshiki... Your brother would have been impressed. He loved all women, even the simple-minded kind. Not you… Nothing could really faze you. You're too damn difficult to please! You need challenges! You need them smart and feisty and broken. This is a concern… to me. "

Clenching his jaw, Warren lowered his gaze down. A shadow obscured his traits at the simple mention of Dyshiki.

"So what can I do for you?"

"I just came to the doctor for a casual visit."

"I won't prescribe any magic pills for you. You don't deserve any."

"Thankfully, we still don't need those."

"I am relieved…to know that." Warren said, dryly.

"Do I get a hug or not?"

"No," Warren said. "Take off your shirt… I don't have much time. Have you experienced any shortness of breaths or palpitations lately?"

"No."

"Headaches ?"

" The kind I get when I see money getting wasted or when I see my idiotic children? Not lately. Thankfully."

" Insomnia?"

"Been sleeping like a newborn really."

Warren did not even take the time to sit.

"I will be blunt. You're probably halfway through your ninth life and you look healthy as a horse as a result. I fear though that it must be all part of elaborate simulacra of life since your cold rotten heart I've been reported dead for decades now, I was still a teenager when it happened. There's nothing I can do to resurrect it, presuming we would have any real clue it had ever worked before. As for Organ regeneration, it is still a thing of the future thanks to you controlling the monopoly on the research. This artificial life is as good as it gets, old man. "

"Is that a way to treat the elderly?"

"Chadwell, I'd throw you out of my office in the blink of an eye if I could. I mean if I didn't know those gentlemen outside were already paid in advance to retaliate hard…"

"That's not what stopping you… You're a Fresker. You love trouble. We love trouble. A good rumble. You would not mind the beatdown. I know you're just like me;" Chadwell said, smiling boldly.

"Really, so what is stopping me?"

"You're worried I'm gonna tell all your secrets."

"Patients don't talk."

"No, doctors don't talk. Patients, they do all the time."

"At some point, you were a doctor too."

"Pharmaceutical PhDs don't really count. We were born a race of unethical and ruthless people. So when were you going to call me?"

"Never. Is that accurate enough for you?"

Chadwell shrugged with a snarl and sat down with a regal air on the sofa, his arms spread on the top of the cushion. Warren shut the blinds with the remote control and picked up his stethoscope.

"So does she know what you're planning? She must know. She was in the trade for so many years. She must have ways to extract the truth from you. I thought that was why you kept her."

Warren froze. Molten green eyes met with washed up blue eyes.

"Leave Vika out of this. Just because you paid a bunch of people to spy on me, doesn't mean you actually know me or her."

"I pay a bunch of people because otherwise, we'd never had an actual conversation about anything you and me."

"How would that be a bad thing? You have seventeen grandchildren. I'm sure you can find a great conversationalist elsewhere?"

"None of them are worthy of my interests… at the moment."

"And I am?"

"Of course you are? Your entire life is fascinating, Warren. Carving out a bullet out of your own father, saving his life, raising your brothers in the wilderness, amassing millions of dollars at 16, getting arrested for illegal trading at 17, having that money seized by the government at 18, graduating college summa cum laude…while indicted for embezzlement. Having the charges dropped! Becoming valedictorian! Not fucking up your life! You're just brilliant!"

Warren lowered his head again. That was a strange summary of his life.

"All these bold accomplishments! What's not to be curious about!" Chadwell continued.

"What do you really want?" Warren said putting down his stethoscope angrily. He doubted his grandfather came for that casual check-up after all.

"I want you to embrace who you are."

"Embrace who I am? Who is that? And to set the record straight, you're the one who got the charges dropped! I didn't do anything. In fact, I was rather okay with going to jail."

"You were always "rather okay" to do anything, Warren. Just like your brother! This is literally the reason I like you both so much."

"I only wish it was mutual."

"This is because we don't know each other really well."

"I doubt this is the reason."

"You think you know everything there is to know about life."

"You think you can buy your way out of anything or that only money can make you happy. True! We're both idiots!"

"Still, I don't recall you distributing your money around to save the world lately. Harold and Malcolm like to waste money on lost causes but not you. I've heard you've been a pretty busy mouse. Why do you need this money now?"

"None of your business."

"Are you planning to buy some shares of this place? No that would be the wrong move. This place wouldn't be worth a damn in a year. Does your friend Kyle still work here? I was rather fond of that kid."

"He saved your wretched life three years ago. He deserves some reconnaissance."

"Let's not detract from the subject. You're planning to go after that man, are you? You think you can do just that?"

Warren said nothing. His grandfather nodded almost amused.

"I wish you were just hooked on the white powder like 48% of my grandchildren. 5% of them are just a waste of human space. 2% are homosexual. 8% are high-functioning alcoholics. Another 15% are pure retards. 22% are sex addicts. You are also part of that group if I recall. But I can work with that. I can work around those flaws. I just can't deal with your addiction to pain and your attraction to self-destruction. "

"You created a statistic for it in the guise of support. Here I thought you could not disgust me more."

"How is Maleki doing?"

"Fuck you."

"See I helped but some of them don't want to be helped."

"What do you know about them? What do you know about anything?"

"Dyshiki was my favorite among all of you. He had all these flaws. But he was still my favorite. Just a brilliant kid… like a shooting star. His light. His boldness. He was unafraid. He was born with cold blood just like you. Everything he touched he succeeded in. He was a great human too. But he is dead now just like your father. He is gone. He is never coming back, Warren. Dead is dead. Dead people are just flesh and bones. Medical waste. Sometimes, they even achieved the status of trade-worthy medical waste. But all in all, they deteriorate. They disintegrate. They become dust or ashes. No one cares for dust. Dust is not worth a trade. Ashes don't care for atonement. Ashes don't care for revenge. Dead is the end. It is the last stop. The only thing that ever survives someone is his legacy. Throwing your life away won't change that. I am intrigued by you but it doesn't mean I don't see some of your choices as a stupid waste of my time."

"Dead is dead" was the Tattoo on his left forearm. "Sesen" was tattooed on his other arm. Dyshiki had always been about grand stupid gestures that casually meant nothing. Warren grabbed a bottle of whiskey and poured himself a glass. There was no ice left in the cooler. So this will have to do.

"Remember? Mr. C. kept saying it." Dyshiki said as he played with his lighter. It was dark inside the cabin of Sidibe, with just a lantern to shed light in the tiny space they were both cramped in. In fact, he couldn't really see his brother's face clearly. Only his breathing, that went along with the rolling of the waves outside. Warren sat on the bench, one dirty foot on the navy blue cushion. Dyshiki had abandoned his glass of whiskey to pull out a small plastic bag of white powder and a mirror.

"I wouldn't take the old man's words at heart, especially considering he doesn't have any. Heart. I mean."

"I strangely like to live by it."

"Dead is dead is comforting to you."

" It is strange to you because you do not understand what it really means. "

" You're snorting coke and giving me lessons of philosophy now."

"Try it."

"Thanks, I will stick to legal drugs." He said, bringing the glass to his lips.

"I no longer recognize you sometimes, brother."

That was Warren's turn to snort in earnest.

"That would be my line. You're sniffing coke on our fucking boat. If the customs pulls us out the international water, we're both going to jail."

"Technicalities only. Do you know they can't search your boat without a warrant from the country you're closest to? I will have my urine clear before they have time to board Sidibe. "

"Dyshiki..."

The brunet only smiled.

"It is the best. Straight from Colombia. Pure shit. Deep in the jungle, there is this old factory. It belonged to Escobar. It's run by one of his nephews."

"You always had a fascination for the guy."

"Well, that's because I'm sure he knew what dead is dead meant."

Before Dyshiki could lean in and casually snort a line in front of his brother. Warren dropped the bottle of whiskey on his cherished treasure rendering it unusable.

"I don't have a high tolerance for users now, didn't I tell you? The Boston life... This shit kills people in my OR on a daily basis. What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking she left me."

"So what? You want to be miserable and... destroy any chance at keeping your marriage together."

"You never got it."

" You married my ex-girlfriend and expected me to understand your betrayal. Then when something bad happened, I'm your knight in shining armor. And just to pour salt on my freshly reopened wounds, you will swear you love her, swearing you didn't know why you kept screwing up. It gets old!"

Dyshiki joined hands, in mock defiance.

"Is that why I am here?"

"You're here because you need to clean up your act like always."

"So you're being Dad..."

"Dad never gave a fuck enough to do what I'm doing. I am here being your brother..."

"A brother I have barely seen since I got married."

"What did you expect?"

"I expected that you would have understood by now the meaning of Dead is dead."

"Fuck you! You know what? Go ahead. Don't mind me. Snort all the coke you want. I will drop your dead OD'ing carcass in US borders and be done with you. What about that? "

"I love her."

"I know. I heard it before."

"I missed you."

Warren paused and reached for his glass angrily. Dyshiki continued.

"Remember when we were kids, you wouldn't go anywhere without me. I missed that. It was just you and me and we would care for the little one. But mostly we would have fun. "

"We are no longer kids. We are no longer living in the wild."

"So I can't miss you?"

"No, you can no longer barge into my life like that. Under that pretense... As if I was waiting for you to make a fool move! I have a life too! Before I got that call I was moving to New York !"

"Are you now? I thought it was going well with your teacher."

" You think that making your problems my problems, will make me forget how much I hate your manipulative ass. This I will put an end too."

" Would you have come if you hadn't heard I fell off the wagon?"

"Dyshiki..."

"I need you to be my brother! I need you to forgive me! Since you don't forgive people I have to put myself out there! Remember those old black and white movies we watched at the clinic. There was always a clownish villain. He would chain someone over the rails waiting for the train to come. The train would never come. Because there is a hero. I am that clown. You're the other one. It's always been like that."

"Dyshiki, I will never forgive you. It's not so much that I can't forgive. But you said it yourself. Dead is dead! What you did, you did... We can never go back to the time where we used to play cops and robbers with lions and elephants in the background."

Dyshiki swallowed hard, nervously pushing a strand of hair away from his face.

" Fuck you're dense! It's not about death, you self-righteous pompous asshole! This line is about life! It's about the way you had to enjoy it to its fullest glory before it ends! It's not about being dead. It's about being alive and that's why she loves me and not you! It's always been about being alive. Something you're not… You're dead inside. You've always been since that day!"

Warren put down his glass of whiskey and bolted upright, leaning on the strappy staircase to exit the cabin. He never turned back.

"I am proud of you."

"I don't want you to be proud. I don't need you to be proud. I don't want your pride!" Warren roared.

" Too bad. That's what you get… That what he would get to if he was alive. But your brother is not and I only got you. As a result, you get an old man ready to give the keys of his castle to you, if only you reach out. "

"Somebody made that same proposal… not too long ago. My answer is still the same."

"Catherine… That's a girl I liked but only because I can appreciate someone who strives to get what they want. What she did with the Avery foundation, impressive. But she cannot believe you will work for her. Being her resident was something. This... You're a Fresker. You're worth ten times what these people can give you.

"You will find somebody else."

"But you will not find anything else… We are very much alike, Warren."

"I doubt that."

"My father's family used to own a bank in Germany. It doesn't exist anymore… You know that, right?"

"Yes, they were also Nazis. Very close to the regime. I wouldn't claim too loud that ancestry if I were you. It's nothing to be proud of."

"I live for facts over fable. They were Nazis. And my father grew up under the regime, doing things young men were supposed to do. But he didn't believe though… He was a soft-spoken man not unlike your own father… my son. Must run in the family. He was full of ideal and hope. He fell in love with this girl at the turn of the century."

"Let me guess? They disapprove?"

"Well, she was a beautiful woman for sure, quite educated too. She could speak four languages. She was also Jewish at a time where it was not much of a problem. Then I was born, my brother Friedrich was born, and Hitler was elected. And my father being the smart man that he was understood quickly that money alone would not save us when the whole country will turn on us. He knew we had to flee. He stole whatever he could of his family's money, severed all ties with his kin, bought us a one-way ticket to America. My father resumed banking and soon he made a name for himself in New-York. I grew up in a free prosperous country. We led a privileged and comfortable life, inviting friends at dinner parties, vacationing in the Hamptons, in Martha's Vineyard, in Key West, going to university."

"I didn't know about that. I mean that your mother was Jewish."

"She was never inclined to teach us about her faith. My father was a man of numbers. He didn't believe in much else. He also forbade us to even speak in German. Friedrich became Fred. My sister Wilhelmina became Willa. We became American. My father wanted a clean slate for us. He did not even read the papers during the war in front of us. "

"I didn't know."

"You also didn't know my mother left home when I was thirteen… to pursue an acting career on Broadway. She was quite successful for a time. Later, she died from the consequences of her alcoholism. All her life she resented deeply her husband. You know why she resented him?"

Warren swallowed hard.

"Because he couldn't save her family…Her mother. Her father. Her sister. Her brother-in-law. Her whole family died in the camp. She resented him for it. She told him she didn't want the life he gave her. She didn't want to be saved."

" This is a good story… But what does that have to do with me?"

"You want to do what's right. But you're a Fresker. And it's okay not to be able to save everyone! Not everyone wants to be saved! Not your mother, not your father, and certainly not your brothers… You just do what you know how to do."

"What is it you want from me?"

"The question is… What is it you want, Warren? I will give everything to you. And if you want to share it with that little street rat of yours, or your brother's wife, I'm not gonna go against you. I just need you to step in."

"Do not talk to me about Sesen."

"See I understand how you work better than anyone around you."

"We already had this conversation."

"No, we didn't. I respect your independence. I respect your dedication to medicine. You want me to buy this place. I will buy this place. You want me to acknowledge the girl outside that door and pretend she is a Fresker. Done."

"Is this a threat?"

"This is just a negotiation. You want me to give more money to your brother's charity. I will. You want me to invite him and his boyfriend to the next family reunion. I will build bridges. I will bury my pseudo bigotry very deep so that I can smile and welcome his boy toy to the family table. "

" Kanaan is married. Can you please stop?"

"Is he? Can you do that now? See, this is a Jon Voight's moment I'm sure. Anyway, the world is moving without me. I want you to help me catch up."

"So in return…"

"And in return, you will seat at the big table. You will not get to play doctor as much as you like. Let's be true. You won't have time for that. This is a full-time job. We all know that this… All this is beneath you. Fighting against these people for what? They don't care about patients. They care about profits."

"You care about profits."

"We all do. This is the way the world works. You're a born leader. I need you to lead my company to prosperity after I'm gone. I will not trust anyone for this task but you."

Warren laughed. He had heard enough for one day.

"You know what I want? I want you to leave me. Get off my couch, gather your people, and take your helicopter off my backyard. Leave me the fuck alone, grandpa. You have four children and seventeen grandchildren. I'm sure you will have no trouble finding a replacement for my father. I am not my father."

"No, you're not. Your father was weak. He was my son. I loved him. But he was weak… He failed to protect you so many times. I'm the only person that knows exactly what that feels like. "

"Get out."

"I will go but call me when you're ready. I will be waiting."

Warren simply sighed as he grabbed the bottle of whiskey and poured himself a glass. He sat with each arm on the sofa, just like Chadwell a moment before. He closed his eyes.

Things got out of hand.

Dyshiki laughing as he sniffed another rail of coke and exhaled with satisfaction.

Things got out of hand. He didn't want them to suffer. I'm gonna tell you something. Nothing ever gets out of hand… if we don't let them. Things do not just happen. People make mistakes, they do. They make mistakes, mistakes that cost other people. There is no "I accidentally hurt you". There is always intent behind everything. So when the damage is done… there is no forgiveness for that! No way to move on… Do you understand?"

Warren bolted upright, grabbed the railing and left the cabin.

"Don't kid…yourself! I know you'd always come!" This is you… I know you better than I know myself. You always choose whatever path that gets you what you want… So I knew you probably knew your security was compromised and you went anyway knowing I'd be forced to come… Next time, I shouldn't be your first phone call."

A female voice without a face asked him once.

" I... I am worried. This is serious. It's been two weeks since we had any news. I need you to get out from behind this desk and find him. I know you can."

A vase shattered on impact against the white wall and the bouquet of Matsumoto Aster spilled on the beige carpet.

"Why every time you lost your husband, you feel entitled to barge into my office unannounced?" "You probably know where he is. Help them find him." "I am a surgeon, not a fortune teller. Foreign affair and CIA are currently involved, Sesen. That's their job. They will find him!" "You want to take it out on me! Do it! Tell me how much you hate me but it's your brother and I know you love him as much as I do. Please help me Warren." "I am done helping him, helping you, helping anybody...I am just done being a pawn in this twisted game you play with him to keep your union alive and engaged. I am done being the middleman. Now if you will excuse me, I have a twelve-hour surgery waiting for me." "What am I supposed to say to them?" "He will come back on his own, Sesen. Find a way. Like always… He is resourceful to a fault and luck had always been his guardian. He will be fine. As for my family, my brothers are all grown and they probably have their own problems to deal with." "I am not speaking about your brothers. What am I going to say to my children, Warren? That you were too busy to try and save their father?"

In slow motion, the vase shattered again against the wall and the bouquet of Matsumoto Aster spilled on the beige carpet. "If something happens to him, it's on you. I will never forgive you."

Wretched memories filling his head to the brim, to the point where he was drowning, overwhelmed by the pain, Warren's hand tremored over the whiskey. He gripped the glass hard, his knuckles white under the pressure. The glass cracked slowly. Dead is dead.

What does it mean? What do you believe happens after death?

Her voice was something close to a whisper. Meredith laid her head down close to his heart and he could feel her hair soft like silk against his skin. It's so soft it actually managed to distract him from the pain. Warren closed his eyes. He remembered her licking playfully the salt of his shoulder and he could no longer distinguish the past from the present. He is transported back to that time when their arms tightened around each other greedily. His face was buried in her neck and it was like he could rest, get a break, find shelter all at once. Dead is dead. He knew he didn't convince her. He knew her heart would always be waiting for that dead husband of hers. But for the first time after a long time, he found someone who didn't believe he had all the answers in the world and all his shit together for that matter. She pretended to believe. She kissed his neck and later she made love to him. To this day Meredith Grey probably doesn't have a clue the effect she had on him at that moment and he will probably never get to tell her.

His eyes closed, he vaguely heard the familiar ringtone signaling an incoming message on his phone. He picked up the phone on his desk.

Meredith:

Sorry. I realized it was quite insensitive on my part. Asking about Dyshiki. I know he meant a lot to you. It's opening of the will day and I was on edge last night. I'm babbling. I will stop now. I'm sorry."

Things got out of hand.