At home, I was out back on the hammock. That was when Dad noticed and came out.
"You're back early," said Dad as he sat near me.
"We went to the carnival. Dawn mention it on the way there although I blocked that part out. They were doing that in keep Kayla in memories. I nearly managed to stay there most of the time, but I just couldn't remain there any longer. Kaylee didn't blame me for coming back home. She probably knew why: The worst memory was coming back to me," I said. "I tried so hard to hold back tears, but it failed."
"I believe it," said Dad.
"I just hate it when the fair memory bothers me," I said.
"I know, honey," said Dad stroking my hair.
"Kristy knew that might not be a good idea for me to remain there and told Dawn not to mention it," I added.
"I agree with Kristy," said Dad.
"I don't understand why I can't be strong like Kaylee," I said. "That's so unfair. She's just lucky. She has been helping me, but it's not working."
"I'm sure you'll be strong, too. It just takes some time," said Dad.
"I just hope so," I said. "Kaylee plans to come by later."
I plan to see Dr. Reece so I can feel better. I called her two days ago. I'm starting to see her tomorrow. I am so tired of being depressed.
Kaylee came by like she said she would.
"I was worried about you. I knew why you left," said Kaylee.
"I wish that didn't bother me," I said.
"Did talking to Michelle really help you out? I know I already asked you last night, but I wasn't sure if it did because I recalled you weren't going to," said Kaylee.
"Well, I did say that. I'm not blaming her on that part. I just couldn't help missing Kayla," I said.
"Honestly, the way you're feeling right now, I think it did affect you again," said Kaylee.
She is so smart.
"Secrectly, I think you're right, but I didn't want to tell her. I didn't want her to think I didn't want her help," I said.
"That's true," said Kaylee.
"I'm thankful for that," I said.
That night, I was in my room.
"Time for dinner," said Sharon.
Everyone else went down, but I didn't.
"Mary Anne, supper's ready," said Sharon.
"She must be still depressed at the moment," said Dad. "She'll feel better when she starts seeing Dr. Reece tomorrow."
"I bet she can't wait for that," said Michelle.
After supper, I was still in my room sitting on my bed. That was when Dad knocked on my door and came in to be with me.
"Are you going to be alright now?" asked Dad.
"Missing Kayla still hurts," I replied.
"I bet," said Dad.
"I'll be so glad going see Dr. Reece tomorrow," I said.
"I know," said Dad comforting me.
The next day, I was getting ready to go see Dr. Reece. I skipped school to do that.
"I'll be back later, Michelle," I said.
"That's fine," said Michelle.
I left to go Dr. Reece's office. When I checked myself in, I sat down.
"How are you doing?" asked the receptionist.
"Not too well. I just lost a best friend to leukemia," I said.
"I saw that in the paper. Your therapist thought about you when saw that," said the receptionist.
"Yeah," I agreed. "I have been depressed off and on, which is why I'm here."
Two minutes later, Dr. Reece came in and said, "Hi, Mary Anne."
"Hi," I said.
"Come on," said Dr. Reece as we went to her office and sat down. "How have you been up to?"
"Depressed," I replied. "Kayla just died after struggling with luekemia."
"I'm so sorry to hear that. I remember seeing it in the paper. I knew why you called me to see me," said Dr. Reece.
"For starters, Kaylee rushed over to me after church saying Kayla was being rushed to the hospital because she collapsed and asking me to help watching the younger kids," I said.
"I can see that you have been helpful during Kayla's illness," said Dr. Reece.
"I have been praying for Kayla at church. When her parents came back, they say Kayla went on life support and had 24 to 48 hours to live. Kaylee and I had to wait the following day to see Kayla," I said trying not to start crying. "I'm glad we saw her, but she never woke up. Then, they had a phone call that evening day saying Kayla had passed away. And, when Kaylee called to tell me, I was shocked because we had just saw her sister. She almost didn't believe her mom."
"That must have been very hard on you," said Dr. Reece.
"It has been. Kayla and I were very close," I replied. "I became depressed ever since. When Dad showed me the death notice, I wanted to keep that part. I wasn't sure if I would go to any funeral services. I had the guts to go to the wake that was held in New York City since she grew up there before moving here. It bothered me so much that I was crying and walked out to the lobby. I was able to get back to the apartment. I didn't bother going to the funeral or the burial the following day. I regretted the decision, but my grandmother said it had nothing to do with my decision, I just couldn't handle it. I realized she was right. I still got depressed when we got back home. I haven't eaten for days because I was too upset. I haven't gone to school because I was afraid if I don't pay attention in my classes, I could fail. Dad didn't blame me for that."
"I bet," agreed Dr. Reece.
"I managed to attend school," I said.
"How are you making out?" asked Dr. Reece.
We talked about how Kaylee helped and added it made me feel a bit better.
"Good," said the therapist.
"My friend, Michelle, knew what I was going through. She had already lost a best friend to the same illness two years before she met me," I said.
"That was a good thing to know," said Dr. Reece.
"I know, but that didn't help me too much. Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming it on Michelle. I was still feel very emotional ever since Kayla's death," I said. "I don't know what should I do to get over it quickly. Kaylee is stronger than I am. She offered to help me out. I just want to end depression."
"You can do a journal about good memories you had with her. Just sweep away the bad ones," suggested Dr. Reece.
"Would that work for me?" I asked.
"You can try doing that," said Dr. Reece.
After we talked, I started to feel a little better. I could try writing down memories in a journal. I think I did that last time when Amelia died. I just hope that would make me feel better and forget Kayla.