"It is now time to start this state meeting!" Alfred announced after the last state had been seated. "This is our 2,828th official meeting!"(1). Several states looked confused at the large number, others shrugged and ignored it, and other states appeared to be doing mental math.
"No it hasn't," Oklahoma countered. "I've been to way less meetings than that!"
"Dumbass, that's because you weren't a state back then," New Jersey retorted, rolling his eyes. Missouri nodded in agreement.
"Yeah, you're both right," he confirmed.
"Oh my God, Missouri grow a spine already and pick a side!" Alabama exclaimed. "You're always agreeing with everyone!"
"I can't help it! I don't know where I lay. Northerners think I'm a hillbilly, Southerners think I'm a Yankee, the east coast thinks I lie in the mountains, and the west coast thinks that I'm an east coast farmer!"(2) he cried in despair.
"Oh, stop panicking," Tennessee told him. "This just means you can hang out and fit in with everybody!" she exclaimed cheerfully.
"See? It's all fine. Now, let's actually start this meeting," Utah stated, getting on top of things.
"Who's up first?" Mississippi asked curiously. All the states looked to America.
"Oh, um, it's…"
"ME!" shouted a voice from down the table. It was Delaware.
"Then me," New Jersey added.
"Okay, but who's after that?" Mississippi asked.
"Oh that's easy! We'll just draw names from a hat!" America answered.
"Sounds good to me," Missouri commented.
"GOD DAMN IT MISERY(2.5)!" Oregon yelled from the other end of the table.
"Hey! Leave the little punk alone!" Texas shouted back.
"Nobody has even presented yet, and we're all ready fighting," North Carolina sighed. Her brother heard her and scowled, he didn't like it when she was upset.
"Shut the hell up already!" he roared. When the states shut up and sat down he nodded at Delaware. "Go on and present now."
America patted South Carolina's head. "Good job."
The countries watched in surprise as the meeting began in a very similar manner to their own. In the room they were now located in there were ten smaller computer screens so that they could watch a select few states and headphones. There was also a big screen on the wall that showed the entire room.
"What is this place?" Germany asked suspiciously.
"It's the monitor slash security room, dad built it a couple years back, but always forgets to use it," the ghost state answered.
"Well, I guess we better take a seat," Japan suggested as he sat down at the closet computer. The other countries followed suit and for the next several hours they were all involved in their own worlds.
Once Japan placed the headphones on a box popped up on the screen. It asked if there was any state in particular he wanted to monitor. Against his better judgment Japan clicked yes, and then he typed in the name Hawaii.
The image of all the states zoomed in until he could really only see three. There was an eight year-old Asian girl sitting between a young boy who had a scary resemblance to Russia and another kid who looked more Spanish. He frown, 'Who is that boy?'
Japan moved his cursor over the boy's face and a name popped up. Puerto Rico. Huh, I didn't know Puerto Rico was a state(3). He shrugged if off and focused on Hawaii.
"So she was the little girl we saw when we first arrived," Japan mused. He had suspicions, but he hadn't been sure. However, now he felt even worse about his past with the state, considering that she was just a kid.
Japan hadn't wanted to attack America way back then, they were friends!, but his boss was worried that America would join the war. So a plan was set up to attack America, there were three things at Pearl Harbor that they were targeting. The third was the most crucial, and destroying it would have a huge impact on America. It was never hit. Japan couldn't bring himself to do it, and he's glad of it.
America was still incredibly angry at Japan though. He could see it clearly even though it happened more than seventy years ago. It was couple days after the attack on Hawaii, and it was a nice day out. Japan was sitting in his Zen garden when America arrived.
The door banged open and Japan found himself faced with an extremely pissed off American. The first thing he noticed was that America didn't look very injured, in fact, there was no sign of injury to be detected. The second thing he noticed was that he was really pissed off.
"You attacked me," the large nation stated.
"It is war, that's what happens," Japan said simply, not able to look at America.
"I wasn't your enemy. There was no need to attack me!" he shouted angrily.
"Yes, but you could have easily joined the Allies. That would have made my job more difficult."
"Too bad for you then, you're job is going to get a hell of a lot worse," America told him darkly. For the first time Japan looked up at America. His eyes were burning with anger and betrayal. There was something else there too, but Japan couldn't figure it out.
For the first time in a long while Japan felt afraid. He had never seen America look or act this way; he figured he would be angry, but the American never displayed emotions very deeply. Many countries had thought of him as shallow because of it. Today, Japan could see his anger right down to the root of his soul. It wasn't his anger that scared Japan though. American appeared to be driven by a force different from hurt pride or hatred over an attack. This was different and it scared Japan.
"Oh really? Have you decided to do something about it?" Japan asked, keeping his cool.
"Yeah." He slammed a pile of papers down on the table. "You launched a direct assault on me without warning. Hawaii is a mess. I've made you my enemy. You're going to regret it Kiku, you really are," America warned him before leaving.
And, oh how he regretted it.
Japan blinked out of his flash back when Hawaii spoke. She was giggling about something. "Your huskies are so cute though!" she exclaimed. It took the country a moment to realize she was talking to Alaska.
"That doesn't mean I'm cute though!" Alaska defended himself.
"Well, you're cute too!"
"No, I'm not!"
"Yes, you are!"
"Am not!"
"Are too!"
"Am not !"
"Are too!"
"AM NOT!" Alaska roared, jumping out of his seat.
"Alaska, are you okay?" Pennsylvania asked, seeing as he was the one who was presenting at the time.
"I'm fine," he huffed, sitting back down. Puerto Rico smirked.
"He's just in denial."
"About what?" Iowa asked in confusion.
"He won't accept that he's cute," Hawaii explained.
"What? But he's been called cute all the time before and never had a problem with it!" Michigan argued.
"Yeah! Plus 'Melia calls you adorable whenever you do anything!" America added.
"See? Just admit you're cute!" Hawaii wailed.
"Fine!" There was a moment of silence.
"Well? Are you, like, going to totally say it or not?" California asked.
"Wait, you want me to say it out loud?" Alaska asked aghast.
"Uh, yeah."
"Okay! I'm cute, are you happy?"
"Yes! Thank you!" squealed the Japanese state.
Japan couldn't help but smile at their companionship. He also found it funny that Alaska was nothing like Russia. Or was he? Alaska wasn't much like America either(4). Japan wondered what the extent was which the similarities between the states and countries went. Was it looks? Or personality? Or feelings? Could feelings even be passed down? And how is it that none of the countries had never seen a state before? (5).
"Cto ugodno, do the por, kak vy scastlivy." (6. Whatever, as long as you are happy) This lead several states to snicker and exchange money.
"Damn it, not again," Kentucky complained as he handed another twenty to Nevada.
"Are you still gambling with him?" Vermont asked with raised eyebrows.
"He's the only one who makes bets with me!"
"Maybe because you make stupid bets," Ohio quipped.
"His bets are better than the friggen retared ones you make," Michigan retorted.
"Ah, don't be a bitch Micky, I know you're just jealous that I'm such a genius, but you don't have to be so rude," Ohio told her.
"A genius?" Michigan snorted. "You're just a lazy asshole who calls cheating being smart," Michigan sneered.
"You can't argue with that," New York noted.
"Shut the hell up York," Massachusetts said from across the table. "Nobody asked for your opinion."
"Hey! I think Michigan was right in defending Kentucky!"
"Bullshit, Michigan only wanted to make a jab at Ohio! And you're just siding with her 'cause…I dunno…so she'll give you some weed!" Massachusetts declared.
"Oh man, now I wanna smoke," Michigan and Nevada said in unison, as they both pulled out a cigarette.
"Hey," New York nudged her. "Butt me."(7). Michigan nodded and handed him a cigarette.
"You called me lazy? You're the one smoking at the meeting!"
"I'm confused, what does smoking have to do with being lazy?" South Dakota asked her brother. He shrugged.
"People smoke to relax, and you shouldn't relax at a meeting?" he suggested.
"Why don't we all calm down and figure out who's going to present next?" Tennessee suggested.
"OH! Can I picked the name?" Hawaii asked eagerly. America nodded and slide the hat to her.
"It's…Ar-Kans-ass, Our can's ass?" Hawaii questioned giggling. Alaska rolled his eyes, as did Arkansas as she got up.
"That's the tenth time you've done it today," she informed the islander. "It's not particularly funny anymore."
Hawaii shrugged and giggled some more.
"Were you this big of a trouble maker before I came along?" Alaska whispered to Hawaii once Arkansas started speaking.
"No, I was way worse," she told him, smirking. "Especially because I was kind of mad at America for a long time." (8).
"Oh yeah, I remember that. It connected me to you because it reminded me of my relationship with Rossia." (9).
"Yeah, except you still hate Russia," Hawaii remarked.
"Well, you still hate England (10)," Alaska argued.
"I never said there was anything wrong with hating Russia, just that our relationships are different because I don't hate America."
"Yeah, I know, but it's funny to watch you try to not get angry," he snickered.
"Jerk."
"Drama queen."
"Eskimo."(11)
"Mexican."(12)
"Peninsula."(13)
"Island."(14)
"Friggen huge."(15)
"Friggen tiny."(16)
"Cold."(17)
"Hella lot o' bugs."(18)
"Ugh."
"Argh."
Japan didn't pay much heed to their spat, however. His mind was still with, 'You still hate England.' What did England ever do to Hawaii? Why didn't she hate him, Japan?(19) It doesn't make sense. How does Hawaii even know England?
While Japan was caught up in his thoughts on the matter he missed the presentation of Florida, a cheery Spainish girl (20), and Kansas, a girl of indeterminable descent (21).
The only thing that managed to pull the country from his thoughts was a flickering on the screen. A message had appeared that told him to revert back to the main screen for the Informational Regional Performance Demonstration.
'What? The Informational Regional Performance Demonstration? We certainly don't do that. I wonder what it is,' Japan wondered as he pulled off his headphones and turned to face the screen. On the screen, America was once again shifting through a hat, he pulled out a slip of paper and hollered.
"It's the Midwest! Now pick a rep and do rock paper scissors to figure out who's presenting first!"
Two groups of kids groaned. Then Indiana and North Dakota were shoved forward to participate in the challenge.
"Okay dude, let's so this," Indiana said, cracking his knuckled.
"If you're trying to intimidate me it won't work," North Dakota informed him. Indiana rolled his eyes, and then the game began.
Round 1: Indiana played rock, and North Dakota played paper.
Round 2: North Dakota played scissors, and Indiana played rock.
Round 3: Indiana played rock, and North Dakota played rock.
Round 4: North Dakota played paper, and Indiana played rock.
"AND THE WINNER IS NORTH DAKOTA!" America announced. "So the East North Central of the Midwest will be presenting first!(23) Seeing as they lost(24)."
The states got up and exited through the right side of the room. Apparently this next segment was being held somewhere else.
The next setting shown was what sort of looked like a living room, but a bit more personalized, like a bedroom of sorts.(25)
There was a circle of couches, and in the center an empty area. Behind the coach you could see all sorts of items, like games, posters, video games, and a TV. A state that looked like a cross between Romano and France(26) was standing in the middle of the couch circle.
"Do I really have to do this?" she asked glancing behind her at a group of states sitting on the floor. They nodded and gestured for her to continue talking. She sighed.
"Okay. We are the East North Central States. The Infamous Indiana, me, the Magnificent Michigan, the Outstanding Ohio, and the Wonderful Wisconsin," she stated in a bored voice.
"And that was the Intelligent Illinois!" Wisconsin shouted as the other states from their group joined Illinois at the center.
"For our talent this month we'll be doing EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!" Indiana added.
"Out first battle is AL CAPONE VS BLACKBEARD!" He roared. Michigan and Wisconsin stepped up to the center dress as their roles.
"You dudes should know that Illinois was gonna do Al(27) but then she got offended. Then Ohio was all like, 'Have Michigan do it 'cause of the Purple Gang!(28), so yeah, he's an asshole!" Michigan announced before Indiana started the music.
"I come strapped with six pistols and a dagger,
Walk under the flag with the scallywag swagger,
Ain't no parrot on my shoulder and no rings in my ears,
I'm an irate pirate, a real swashbuckling buccaneer,
Beef with me? Please, I'm the high seas Caesar,
My cold heart is many degrees beneath the deep freezer,
You're an obese, greasy sleaze squeezing a diseased Peter
That no skeezer would touch if she had fifty foot tweezers,
Don't start a war with me, your not hardcore,
I'll pimp-slap those face scars of yours port and starboard,
You spent time in Alcatraz, I'm sure you were fine,
If you dropped the soap as little as you drop dope rhymes," Wisconsin started, collecting a few laughs as he rapped, whether it was from the lyrics, or the image of him trying to be a burly pirate was yet to be deceided.
"I'm a busy man, Captain Crunch, I'll make this quick,
I'm ruining pirates faster than Johnny Depp did,
I had syphilis, yeah, well you're a huge dick,
With a scurvy ridden ship filled with bilge rat pricks,
I run and intricate criminal syndicate so show respect,
Or get that tongue ripped out your neck and shoved right up your poop deck,
Been slappin' bitch ass teaches back since I was 14,
You ain't a tough guy, my kids dressed up like you for Halloween,
I'll use that fuse in your hat to light up you and your buddies,
Then burn your sailboat down and collect the insurance money,
Then maybe they'll find your bloated body dead and washed up on the beach,
This is Capone rappin' and I'm cappin' this Captain, capise?" Michigan was grinning when she stepped back. Doing a rap battle for their talent was her idea, and was glad it worked. She took rapping very seriously(29).
"The Valentine Massacre brought your condemnation
But I'm gonna sink you faster than your income tax evasion
When I toss you overboard like a mob abomination
So prepare to learn the Davy Jones' locker combination
Forty cannon on the Queen Anne, your gang can't stop it,
I'll pilfer all your rum and sell it back at a profit,
Cause I'm a criminal legend with a bad ass name,
You're a fat thug with an STD in his brain!" Wisconsin was breathing hard, but did his second verse flawlessly. He hit everything on time, and his enunciation was perfect. He grinned a triumphant smile when several states clapped.
"C'mon, they chopped your head off and hung it from a rope,
The only legend you left was your prohibition on soap,
I mean that rat nest bread's trapped so many crumbs,
This bum could get marooned and still eat lunch for a month,
I'm the emcee assassin, slash like Edward Kenway,
Rap so hard, call me Al…dente,
Take your little sloop, John B, and go home,
Tell South Carolina Blackbeard got Capwned!" Michigan gave a mock bow to the crowd of states before bumping fists with Wisconsin.
"Nice job dude, I told ya you wouldn't screw up," Michigan commented.
"Yeah, I was good. I think I might even beat you!" Wisconsin exclaimed. Michigan laughed.
"Haha, don't get cocky. I kicked your ass, good try though," Michigan retorted as they moved from the center of the room to the couch.
"Next up in EPIC RAP BATTELS OF HISTORY is MITT RAMNEY VS BARACK OBAMA!"(29) Indiana announced.
"Is this some sort of Talent Show?" Spain questioned.
"Hai, it appears so," Japan responded.
"We should do this at our meetings!" Italy exclaimed.
"Ja, then they wouldn't be so unawesome," Prussia added.
"Shh, I can't hear them!" Britain shushed them.
Ohio and Illinois (30) stepped up to the center of the room. Ohio started rapping once the music began.
"I'm not gonna let this battle be dictated by facts,
I'm rich! I've got fat stacks and super PACs,
We all know what went down in that 2008 election,
You're a decent politician with a winning complexion,
You're all Barack and no bite, been no change and we're all still hoping,
That you'll shut your mouth, but like Guantanamo Bay they're both open,
You're from the windy city, where you're looking pretty with your blowhards,
But come January, you'll be left evicted and with no job,
Raw rhymes stronger than my jawline when I spit a phrase,
Knocking you harder than front doors in my old mission days,
You see this silver spoon? This dug Mass out of debt,
Took you four years to drop unemployment down below 8%,
You feel that Barry? You're old news, everyone's having doubts,
And your rhymes are as weak as this economy that you've done nothing about,
Call me a vicious business man cause Romney's stealing this race,
I'll go Bain Capital on your donkey ass, restructure your face!" Ohio declared with an evil look on his face. He crossed his arms, and smirked, fully encompassing the aura of a powerful politician.
"They say your father was a great man, you must be what's left,
Need to stop hatin' on gays, let 'em teach you how to dress,
You've got the momma jeans and a Mr. Fantastic face,
So rich and white, it's like I'm running against a cheesecake!
Republicans need a puppet and you fit,
Got their hands so far up your rear, call you Mitt,
I'm the head of state, you're like a head of cabbage,
'Bout to get smacked by my stimulus package (ahaha),
You're a bad man with no chance, you can't even touch me,
I got four more years (two terms) in the White House, just trust me,
I hoped you saved your best rhymes for the second half,
Cause right now, I'm 47% through kicking your ass!" Illinois stated proudly. Obama was from her land, and she was damn proud of him.
"Whatever, that 40% thing got you real mad,
What, did it remind you how many decent parents you had?" Ohio leaned a bit closer to Illinois.
"Uh, look, I respect all religions, uh, but it might get crazy,
If the White House has a first, second, and a third lady!" Illinois flipped him off as she counted.
"Ha! Don't bring up wives, man! What are you doing?
You got hitched to the female version of Patrick Ewing!" Ohio crowed.
"Uhhh, let me be clear, uh, don't get it twisted,
We'll see how pretty your face is after my fist has kissed it!" Illinois also leaned toward him, and several states started worrying that they might actually fight it out.
"Ahhuuhhaa...you're a stuttering communist!"
"Oh yeah? Well, you're stupid!"
"You're stupid!"
"Nuh-uh!"
"EERRGGG!"
"EEEERRRR!"
"CAWWWW!" The states looked around in confusion when they heard the bird cry. Then they looked up to see Indiana hanging from the ceiling by a bald eagle. He had a top hat and fake beard on.
"By the power invested in me by this giant bald bird,
The President shall not be the shiniest of two turds!" He shouted still in the air, then he dropped to the ground.
"You! I wanna like you, don't talk about change, just do it!
I fought for what was on my brain until a bullet went through it!" He shouted at Illinois. Then he spun around to face Ohio.
"And you, moneybags, you're a pancake, you're flip-floppity,
It's a country, not a company you can play like Monopoly," he shouted again. Then he faced the crowd of states as he said his next lines,.
"I'll properly reach across the aisle and bitch-smack you as equals!
Of the people,
by the people,
for the people!
Eagle!" He didn't fly into the air like the states were expecting though. He was simply hit with the stuffed eagle and pushed to the side.
"CAAAWWW!"
Everyone started laughing as Indiana got up and swayed. "It wasn't supposed to happen that way, I swear." He shook his head as Illinois and Ohio took off their costumes.
"Anyways, onto the next and final battle! RASPUTIN VS STALIN!" (31) Michigan annouced and started the music. Indiana and Ohio stepped up to each other and grinned.
"Cool mustache, Wario.
Try messing with the mad monk, you'll be sorry, yo!
How many dictators does it take,
To turn an empire into a union of ruinous states?
It's a disgrace what you did to your own people!
Yo daddy beat you like a dog and now you're evil!
You're from Georgia, sweet Georgia,
And history books unfold ya,
As a messed up mutha fucka bent in the mind,
Who built a superpower, but he paid the price,
With the endless destruction of Russian lives!
If you're the man of steel, I spit kryptonite!
Big dick mystic, known to hypnotize!
I can end you with a whisper to your wife," Indiana rapped with a sly grin. Ohio rolled his eyes.
"Look into my eyes, you perverted witch!
See the soul of the man who made Mother Russia his bitch!"
Russia snorted derisively, but avoided eye-contacted with the other countries.
"You think I give a fuck about my wife?
My own son got locked up in prison, and I didn't save his life!
You got off easy when they pickled that moose cock!
I'd leave your neck in a noose in a trench and shot!
Your whole family, shot! All your wizard friends, shot!
Anyone who sold you pierogi, shot!
Starve you for days till you waste away.
I even crushed motherfuckers when I'm laid in state.
Pride of Lenin, took Trotsky out of the picture.
Drop the hammer on you harder than I bitch slapped Hitler!" he practically screamed. Cue Illinois jumping in dressed up as Lenin.
"I have no pride for you who ruined everything
My revolution was doing to stop the bourgeoisie!
I fought the bondage of classes. The proletariat masses
Have brought me here to spit a thesis against both of your asses!" she told them passionately. The states started rolling their eyes thinking it was basically a repeat of the previous battle. Illinois turned to point at Indiana.
"Let me start with you there, Frankenstein!
Looking like something out of R.L. Stine.
It's hip-hop chowder, red over white,
Cause the Tsar's wife can't do shit tonight!" Then she turned to Ohio.
"And Joseph, you were supposed to be my right-hand man,
But your loyalty shriveled up like your right hand, man!
Our whole future was bright, you let your heart grow dark,
And stopped the greatest revolution since the birth of Marx!" she told him angrily. Then the door to the room opened and Wisconsin poked his head in.
"Knock, knock, knock, knock,
Did somebody say birthmarks?" the states began to chuckle when they saw the mark on his head and realized he was Gorbachev.
"Yo, I'm the host with the most glasnost!
Assholes made a mess and the war got cold.
Shook hands with both Ronalds, Reagan and McDonald's, no doubt.
If your name end with "in", time to get out!
I have the balls to let Baryshnikov dance, playa!
Tore down that wall like the Kool-Aid Man, oh yeah!
You two need yoga Дa. You need a shower Дa.
And you all need to learn how to handle real power!" he lectured, waving his hand at all of them.
"Did somebody say real power?" Michigan asked from atop a table. A few states doubled over in laughter when they saw her; seeing as she was dressed like Putin, down to the half bald wig.
"Дa, you want to mess with me?
I spit hot borscht when I'm crushing these beats.
Blow it up like a tuba, while I'm balling in Cuba.
Doing judo moves and schooling every Communist сука. (bitches).
I'm a president in my prime. My enemies don't distract me.
The last man who attacked me lived a half-life so comrade, come at me!
You don't know what you're doing when you try to bust a rhyme against a mind like Putin.
You'll find that the ex-KGB is the best MC in the ex-CCCP!" she ended with her arms raised in victory. Then she jumped down from the table and high-fived the other midwest states.
"And that was our talent for this month! Thank you all for coming out!" Indiana ended before taking off his costume.
Back in the control room the smaller screens flickered back to life. Poland grinned, he hadn't been watching any state in particular before, but now he wanted to see California. He bet she was the bomb at state meetings, always sharing the best gossip.
"Okay, the next state to present is...Georgia!" America yelled once all the states were seated.
"Oooh, you'll never believe it, but I saw Georgia kissing Alabama," California whispered to Utah. Utah's jaw dropped.
"Are you serious? I thought they were siblings!" Utah exclaimed quietly. California groaned.
"How many times do I have to explain this? The only ones who are really siblings are North and South Dakota, North and South Carolina, and West Virginia and Virginia!" California explained exasperated.
"Oh, um, anyways does Georgia know you know?" Utah asked curiously.
"Heck yeah! And you know what she said? She totally blamed West Virginia! Like, she was just all like, West dared me too! But it's a total lie, I know 'cause they were in like a place you wouldn't look for them in!"
"Woah, I didn't even know they liked each other!" Utah said in surprise.
"Well, they, like, don't," California replied.
"Then why were they kissing?"
"I dunno, but they don't give each other secret looks or anything so they totally can't like each other. It's logic, duh!"
"Or maybe you're in denial because you like Alabama, and you're just trying to get him jealous by going on about your boyfriend!" Utah concluded triumphantly. California squinted at her friend.
"Guuuurl, you cray-cray, when have I ever been into anyone from the South? State, Capitol, or person?" Utah deflated.
"Oh yeah, I guess that's that then."
It wasn't it for Poland though. He was compiling a list to discuss with France while the two girls discussed the possibility of Oklahoma, seeing as he was the next state called up to present, being gay. (32). Alabama x Georgia was a new pairing he could add. He was also considering Hawaii x Alaska, but they're still technically kids so he wasn't sure. He also had the Dakotas x the Carolinas, after that he was stuck, which was why he was watching California.
"VERMONT! Is up next to present!"
A girl quickly stood up and made her way to the center of the room 'A female New England state? Now that's interesting!' Poland glanced over to France to see if he was thinking the same thing as him. He was.
"Poor Vermont,"
"Oh, I know, right?"
"Being the only one a Uncle Mattie doesn't like must suck!"
"And to think it's all over Maple Syrup." (33)
"Oh well, he likes me well enough!"
"Yeah, we all know his favorites are the boarder states though." (34)
"Can you blame him? They're the only ones who never forget him besides Dad that is," (35)
"Yeah, that's true I guess."
"Speaking of Canada, did you see the totally fab purse Quebec got?"
"OMG yes! It's so chic, I was so jelly when she texted me a pic of it!"
"Hey, Cali, since you've been paying attention so well why don't you pick the next state?" Alfred asked innocently. (36). California blushed bright red and pulled a name from the hat.
"It looks like Alabama is up next!" America announced.
Poland was forced to listen to Alabama's presentation on his economy and how his farming and fishing was because California refused to speak since she didn't want to get yelled at. So Poland suffered. He suffered for an entire twelve and a half minutes. Then Nevada was chosen as the next person to speak.
Poland had met Nevada before, but he was drug crazed back and was apparently scared of aliens. Michigan had told them that he had many side, but Poland didn't really believe her. Now though, when he was staring at the sleek, smart, good-looking, put together teen, he believed her.
He wondered if all of the states have mental issues. Nevada obviously had a multiple personality disorder, Michigan was either bipolar or just an asshole, and Texas, apparently, has extreme anger issues. He discovered that Louisiana was obsessed with all things relationship wise, and that Virginia was OCD. He wondered if all of the states were like this, or if these states just developed these issues. It made him think how the countries never seemed to have that much damage, do the states prevent America from having serious issues? Poland could see that you could obviously live just fine with one or two of these problems, but having all of them? You'd be seriously messed up. (37)
America keeps the states united, without him the union would fall apart and all the states would be in danger. But the states also protect America. They do it in smaller ways, but the two need each other.(38)Poland realized.
Poland was so caught up in his revelations that he didn't notice when the screen flickered off and told him to look to the big TV. He didn't realize it until France tapped him on the shoulder.
"Are you alright?" France asked with concern.
"Totally! I just, like, totally got caught up in my fabulous thoughts," Poland explained. America, though, he wasn't so sure about. Poland was beginning to think that none of them truly knew the Superpower. (39).
"We, the much more civilized Midwest states are the Northwest Central states. We decided to show to you guys the art of Cornhole(40)," Iowa declared as the West North Central states stepped up.
Minnesota, Nebraska, Kansas, Missouri, Iowa, and North and South Dakota made up the West North Central states.
"Okay, decide who goes first (usually the ugliest person) then take turns throwing bags with your opponent. You throw one bag, then your opponent, then you, then your opponent, etc. Your feet may not go past the front edge of the board. If they do, a foul is called and you get pelted with cornhole bags. Also, a tossed bag may not touch the ground. If it hits the ground and bounces up on the board, remove it before any other bags are thrown. If its hanging off the board and touching the ground, remove that as well. When all 8 bags have been tossed to the other side, add up the score. If you earned the most points in that single round, your team will throw first in the next round!" Missouri explained.
"Yup, like if we were playing a big group game then Wisconsin would go first 'cause I've never seen an ass uglier than that thing he calls his face!" Minnesota exclaimed cheerfully.
"Bullshit, you haven't gotten lucky enough to see anyone's butt except for your own!" Wisconsin shouted from the couch.
"Butts? No, I was talking about donkeys(41). All of butts I've seen are really hot(42)," Minnesota retorted.
"Back to the game now," Kansas said after a moment of silence when everyone absorbed what Minnesota just said.(43)
For the next hour Cornhole was played by the West North Central States of the Midwest. There was sweat and tears. Swearing and near fights occurred. Laughter and jokes were passed around. Many, many bets were placed. And several times games were stopped so they could check the rules over with the Northeast Central states.(44)
In the end Nebraska won. It was a close tie with North Dakota, who spent the next two hours glaring at Nebraska. Nebraska didn't end up paying much attention to the other presentations, he was too busy wondering if North Dakota was going to kill him before the night was over.
Before all the states left the other Midwest states joined the WNC (46) states. They smirked at each other before Nebraska jumped on a table and shouted,
"As a final message to you from all us Midwestern states, IT'S POP NOT SODA! MOTHERFUCKERS!"(47) then they all ran out with several other states on their tails.
OKAY THIS IS GONNA BE IN FOUR PARTS FOR THE MIDWEST, SOUTH, WEST, AND NEW ENGLAND STATES PERFORMANCE THINGIES!
(47)- In the Midwest it's they call it pop not soda, it's an on going rivalry with other parts of the country
(46)- West North Central
(44)- Cornhole is also played there, so they know the rules
(43)- America May be having a talk with her
(42)- ;)
(41)- BUUUURRRRNN!
(40)- A game commonly played in the Midwest
(39)- He's the first to discover this, now what will he do with this information?
(38)- The states can't thrive without America, America can't thrive without the states
(37)- Well, you would. You'd probably go crazy or be on so many meds you'd be loopy all day
(36)- America being a dad, this is important
(35)- Really? You think Al's gonna forget his twin? That's just an act
(34)- The states that boarder Canada, he's literally closer to them
(33)- Vermont is America's biggest Maple Syrup producer
(32)- OkalaHOMA, get it? Homo, homa? No? Okay
(31)- Yeah, I thought it's funny. Ya know, communism played by capitalists, plus it has five parts which works out good
(30)- Obama comes from Illinois so she'll play him
(29)- Lots of rapper come from Michigan, or rap about Michigan. Mostly b/c of Detroit
(28)- The Purple Gang, Al Capone's biggest rival. It was a ruthless Detroit gang that transported liquor from Canada via Detroit River. They basically cut off all of Al's trade and if you got in their way they brutally killed/tortured you.
(27)- Al Capone a notorious Italian mobster from Chicago
(26)- Well the mafia, and France founded Illinois too
(25)- I figured that each regional state area would have its own hangout away from the other states. Besides, what else is gonna be on that floor anyways?
(24)- The loser has to perform first
(23)- America is split into four regional sections; the Midwest, west, south, and Northeast. It's further split into smaller sections after that
(21)- Well, seriously what would Kansas be?
(20)- Florida is Spanish, it was Spanish for a long time, it was founded by Spain
(19)- Shhh, it's a secret for now, wait for Hawaii's chapter
(18)- Hawaii is tropical, tropical places tend to have more bugs
(17)- Alaska gets cold in the winter, just like the rest of the country
(16)- Hawaii is rather small
(15)- Alaska is quite big; the biggest state
(14)- Hawaii is the island state
(13)- Alaska is one of four peninsulas in America
(12)- A joke cause she's in the south
(11)- Making fun of him.
These are bad insults on purpose, they're meant to shoe their friendship
(10)- Hawaii hates England, the reasons will be revealed later
(9)- Rossia, Russia in Russian. Their relationship is complicated and will be described in Alaska's chapter
(8)- Yeah, Hawaii actually was. Then we apologized and it was cool. This will be involved later too
(7)- Butt me, 20's slang for give me a cigarette
(6)- They're really good friends. BFFs
(5)- Or had they? Wait for more on this
(4)- The states have influences, and then become their own person
(3)- Puerto Rico isn't a state, but it's on the ballet for them. They have almost a better deal than the states. And are involved in things
(2.5)- Misery, Missouri, they sound similar, so it's a nickname I've heard. Which state is the saddest? Misery(Missouri)
(2)- Seriously, this is true. I got it from the book Blue Highways
(1)- One meeting a month ever since the constitution was written
That's it
Review please!
Last Edited- 4/10/15