Authors NOTE: BAM! This is the longest chapter yet! I apologize for it not being particularly yummy . . . but I'll be making up for that in the next chapter, where another dream will take place! I know, now you're going to be tortured as you wait for the next installment, but I promise not to make you wait terribly long!
Oh, and I'm hoping this chapter is funny enough that you won't care that it's got almost no Sirius/Remus action. However, there are some interesting insights made . . .
And, well, it's a plot developer. So, shoot me.
No, don't shoot me. Just read and enjoy!
"Well damn, Moony! It's about time!" James cried exuberantly, leaning forward to clap me on the back as he did so. I grinned bashfully in response, waving away his overexcited congratulations.
"So, when's your first date, then?" Sirius asked. He, too, was grinning, although his happiness for me was more tactfully subdued than James'.
"Well, obviously I'll be taking her to Hogsmeade when that rolls around," I said with a smile that would not go away. "But we'll be getting together before then."
"Yeah, of course," Sirius said with a wicked smirk, "to study." He waggled his eyebrows suggestively, while James made some rude gestures from his spot beside Sirius on the sofa.
I glared at the two of them. "Unlike you two, I actually find conversation to be intellectually stimulating. I like to, you know, build relationships based off more things than snogging and shagging," I informed them with slight reproach.
They rolled their eyes at each other before responding. "In my defense," James declared, "I want to save all my intellectual prowess for the dear Lily Evans. It would be traitorous for me to build a relationship with anyone other than her."
"And is this what you tell the birds you hook up with?" I asked with a smirk of my own.
"Everyone knows that there's only one girl for me. When a bird and I hook up, they know it's just that. I'm not a complete twat, thank you," he replied, sticking his tongue out at me as he did so.
"Besides," Sirius interjected, "he's fetching enough that all the birds care about is the hook up. You know, so they can say they were with one smashing bloke. Literally," he said with a snicker. I rolled my eyes this time.
"If that's your argument for James, then what's your argument for yourself?" I asked of Sirius, waggling my own eyebrows at him.
"Who says I can't use the same reason for myself? The girls are content to simply spend some time with my oh-so-dashing self. No strings attached," he said with a shrug and a grin for James.
"That is such bollocks," I declared. "How do you expect to ever have anything meaningful with anyone if you won't allow those strings to get attached?" I questioned him. He groaned and slumped back against the sofa, familiar with this argument by now.
James merely tapped out a beat with his feet while he snickered at my grilling of Sirius.
"I do have something meaningful," he finally announced. "With ol' Prongs, Wormtail, and you, Moony. That's quite enough for me, thank you."
"We're hardly as fulfilling as a girl would be, though," I reminded him.
James nodded his agreement. "Yeah, mate, I know you love us and all . . . but a bird would be way better than us, don't you think?" Prongs asked him earnestly, leaning forward to emphasize his point as he did so. He'd grown attentive enough to the conversation to stop his tapping.
Sirius' face clouded into a severe frown as something passed between James and himself. Some sort of question understood by the two of them but unfathomable to me. I couldn't help but wonder if it had something to do with certain earlier events, though.
"Fuck birds!" Sirius finally shouted, uncomfortable with the conversation. I could tell he was because he'd crossed his arms. "Just because Remus has a girlfriend doesn't mean I need one. We've already got his girl and James' obsession. We don't need me to add to the infiltration of the Marauders." He huffed and turned his head away from the both of us to stare into the fire.
So that's what was bothering him. I caught James' eye as both of us realized the same thing: that Sirius felt our friendship was threatened by my having a girlfriend. James seemed unusually relieved by this.
Having a girlfriend was a new thing for us. After all, neither James nor Sirius was ever very serious about any girl - James because of Lily and Sirius because he was Sirius - and Peter had never had anything much to do with females.
"Padfoot, I hardly think Katie is interested in our antics," I finally told him with a reassuring smile. "She's not going to do anything to get in between the Marauders."
"Yeah, except demand your time and attention and likely complain about our immoral pranks. She's a fucking female. All they do is bitch." The scowl had not left his face.
"He does have a point there," James said with a cheeky grin. I assumed he was only agreeing with the bitching part. Otherwise he seemed far more receptive to my dating Katie than Sirius.
"Glad to know someone's on my side," Sirius grumbled.
"Not really, mate. I think it's bloody brilliant that Remus has snagged a bird. Fuck the attention she'll demand. We'll just set up joint custody." He grinned at his own joke as Sirius moaned pitifully.
"Some best friend you are," he muttered.
"Look, Sirius, if you're really not okay with me dating Katie . . ." I started, but he cut me off before I could finish.
"Are you fucking kidding me? I think it's great! It's brilliant. I would have been fine if you two hadn't started in on me about getting a girl of my own, for Merlin's sake!"
"Blimey, alright," James said, holding up his hands in mock surrender, "we won't bring it up again! Now stop bitching because you're starting to sound like a bird!" Sirius leaned over and punched him, though he was grinning when he did so.
"Oi!" James yelped. "That hurt, you twat!" He promptly tackled Sirius to the floor in retaliation, narrowly missing me as he did so. I scooted away and haggled the two of them instead of joining in. None of the other occupants of the room needed to know I could trounce the two of them. That would seem a bit suspicious.
However, when Sirius had James in such a firm headlock that the other boy was begging me for aid, I couldn't help but intervene. Just a bit. I tickled Sirius until he was forced to let go. James joined in, and we mercilessly attacked Sirius until he was red in the face from laughing so hard.
I collapsed onto the floor next to Sirius, laughing just as hard myself. I usually didn't partake in their public brawls, but the common room was deserted enough that we wouldn't cause too much of a commotion. Or so I thought.
"Are you quite finished?" I looked up and into the face of the owner of the pert voice and merely raised my eyebrow in response to her question. She sniffed disdainfully in my direction, but I knew I was spared her wrath by the glint in her eye.
"Lily!" James yelped. "Uh, what're you up to?" he asked stupidly, running his fingers through his hair as he did so. He was swallowing hard as he tried to regain his normally suave composure (or as much of it as possible when sprawled out across the floor), something I'm sure Lily found highly amusing.
"Well, I was attempting to write an essay with Alice. However, I was rudely interrupted by your childish antics." She crossed her arms and glared down at him.
"You mean you watched the fight?" James asked excitedly.
She huffed and rolled her eyes. I looked at Sirius and shared a grin with him. Only James . . .
"I'm giving you and Black a detention for it," she declared.
"What?" Sirius yelled, but he was cut off by James' continued daze.
"So you did see it, then?" he asked again, nodding his head excitedly as he tried to coach her into the affirmative answer.
"Yes, I did. And you're right. You did start it. Just you get the detention. Tomorrow night." She turned her nose up to the air and resumed her study session with Alice.
It took James a minute to respond to her punishment. "Wait a minute," he said slowly, "I didn't say I started it . . . and . . ." He turned to glare at Lily, looking both hurt and flattered at the same time, before yelling: "I didn't start it, either!" She didn't even turn to look at him, but I caught the smile that twitched her lips.
"She must have only given me the detention because she likes me," James finally decided.
Sirius and I looked at each other before choking back guffaws. "And how did you deduce that?" I asked, motioning for Sirius not to burst out laughing.
"Well, think about it," he said, "she was gonna give it to the both of us, and then I talked to her and she gave it to just me." He shrugged, as if that explained it all.
"I'm thinking about it," Sirius said with a grin, "but I'm still not grasping your logic."
"She's teasing me, or something!" James declared with a wave of his hands.
"You sure do know the way of women, Prongs," I declared, finally surrendering to the bubble of mirth boiling in my belly. Sirius quickly followed suit.
"Honestly, you two, I refuse to be insulted. You're both being deliberately obtuse." He looked over at Lily contemplatively. "I don't get why she plays these games with me, though." He sat up and drew a deep breath before yelling: "Why won't you just go out with me, Lily Flower? You know you want to!" She flipped him the bird, but a grin still forced its way onto her face.
"See, mates? I saw her grin. I'm getting closer to winning her!" He punched the air in delight while Sirius and I continued our laughing.
"James," I finally gasped out, "you're about as close to dating her as I am to dating Padfoot." I was laughing so hard that I didn't realize Sirius had stopped, or that James looked distinctly uncomfortable.
My breath hitched in excitement when my three Marauders assembled before me, looking distinctly sleuth-like. This was going to be a prank worthy of our reputations. I couldn't wait to fulfill it.
"Men," I queried, "are you prepared for the task set before you?" I crossed my arms and surveyed them each as I awaited their response. Sirius had dressed himself in all black and tightfitting clothing, with a black wool cap over his hair. I thought the hat was unnecessary, seeing as how it was the same color as his hair and didn't camouflage anything, but when I said as much he haughtily declared it was a necessary part of the outfit. When questioned where he discovered said outfit, he revealed he'd come across it in a muggle magazine. We'd all had a good laugh before getting down to business.
Peter and Remus weren't dressed spectactularly, but they both had a tension around them that spoke of eager anticipation. I approved of this attitude.
"Yes," they finally chorused solemnly. I noticed that they were all three trying to hold back snickers. I observed this with disdain before continuing.
"And will you perform said task with the utmost integrity and skill?"
"Yes," they repeated.
"And do you promise to sell me your souls at the end of said task?" It was a needed part of the ritual. I swear.
Sirius immediately dropped to his knees and declared his undying loyalty, so long as he didn't have to do a damn thing and I agreed that he was the most fetching of us all. I expected Peter to follow suit, but was surprised when he remained upright. I silently applauded the other boy.
Remus stood where he was and chuckled affectionately at our antics, before observing that it was probably time to get started.
"Right," I agreed. "Due to unforseen difficulties, I was only able to acquire two brooms. That being the case, Peter will be riding with me and Remus with Sirius." The difficulties came in the form of a Miss Lily Evans, who caught me outside the Quidditch shed. When I explained to her that, as Captain, I had a right to be there, she declared that Captain or not, it was still school property. I finally got her to allow me to remove mine and Sirius' brooms, seeing as how they were undeniably our property. She didn't like that one bit, so I offered to take her on a ride. She slapped me.
There were no complaints about the riding arrangements. I didn't expect there to be. Sirius wouldn't have wanted to ride with me because the two of us would have gotten into a row over who'd be steering, and I suspected Peter would have preferred riding with me as opposed to Sirius.
We took off from our dormitory window, with Wormtail and me taking the lead. I closed my eyes as I reveled in the feeling of forbidden flight, listening as our clothing flapped in the wind, accompanied only by the sound of crickets serenading the moon. The night air was rather cool, but hadn't quite yet developed into the stinging wind of winter, for which I was grateful.
I surveyed the grounds as we zipped around the various buildings located throughout Hogwarts. All was undisturbed. I detected no sign of movement, save that of moonlight rippling along the grass when the wind blew.
I felt deep in my bones that this was a night for pranking. It caused me to grin a grin that remained on my face until we landed on the window ledge of the highest floor of the Ravenclaw tower.
The plan was to work our way from the top of the boys' section on down, and then work our way back to the top, where we'd take off, from the girls'. We remained where we were until Remus cast the Aversion Charm, something we'd decided to put off until the last possible moment so we could use it for the maximum length of time.
Once he'd efficiently, and silently, cast the charm, we all stepped quietly off the ledge and into the dorm. It was here that I handed out the bags, before shooing the other three on their way. Each of us were to take a separate floor, so that we could cover them all in the least amount of time possible.
I cringed when Sirius tripped over a stack of books on his way out, but was relieved when Remus cast a speedy cushioning charm. I should have known I could count on my troops to divert disaster.
Once they'd gone, I surveyed the silent room by what little light was available to me by the moon. Its six occupants were all deeply asleep, two with closed curtains and the rest sprawled unceremoniously across their respective beds. It was interesting to see that, despite the color scheme and over abundance of books, the dorm was quite the same as ours, complete with Quidditch posters and mounds of dirty clothes.
I snorted in amusement at this observation before drawing a deep breath and whispering: "Accio shoes and socks!" I braced myself for the impact of six boys' worth of footwear, and was thankful for doing so when they hurled themselves into my bag. Thank Merlin there was little noise.
Since the other Marauders were ahead of me, they ended up beating me to the remaining three floors. I bypassed each room and emerged in their common room, where I set up a dung bomb to be activated when I commanded. It was the most powerful bomb I'd created yet, designed to permeate every pore of the Ravenclaw tower. If our sneaking around didn't wake the occupants of the tower, then the stench most certainly would.
I snickered and began working on the female side of the tower, shooing Peter away when he poked his head in to see if anyone was already at work.
I let out a muffled "Oomf" when the girls' shoes flew into my bag. They sure did have a lot more than the men. Of course, the First Years were nothing compared to the Seventh Years, whose floor I also took care of. Seven girls occupied this room, and the amount of footwear was proportionate to their number. Which means there was a fucking shit load.
These made quite a considerable amount of noise, and I was prepared to do some really smooth talking when one of the girls sat up in bed. I slithered into a corner, hoping the shadows would aid the effects of the Aversion Charm.
She cast a Lumos with her wand and squinted in my direction, rubbing her eyes as she did so. After a moment she lay back down with a grumble. I slowly released the breath I'd been holding, and waited a few minutes for sleep to reclaim her.
After that heart pounding minute of panic I sat on the ledge and waited a few moments for the other three to enter, Summoning the brooms, which we'd left on the ledge of the boys' window, as I did so. Peter was the first to show, followed a few minutes later by Sirius. We ended up waiting longer than intended for Remus, during which time I got increasingly antsy. That girl was rolling around in her bed quite a bit.
The other boy finally appeared, grinning cheekily as he did so. Without a word he stepped onto the ledge and next to Sirius in clear indication that he was ready to go. I wondered suspiciously what he'd been up to, but decided it'd be best to find that out once we were safely ensconced in our own beds.
We were just about to take flight when I whispered, "One moment," before turning around and flicking my wand over my shoulder. All three of them saw a blue spark zoom out of the tip and down the stairs.
They gave me a look that said: "I should have known," before grinning and launching back into the night.
The four of us decided we should be early to breakfast this morning. And, by early, that meant the first ones in the Great Hall. We didn't want to miss seeing the entrance of the Ravenclaws.
Sure, being so early made us look immensely suspicious, but there was no proof that we'd done anything. Sirius and James had wanted to write "Courtesy of the Marauders" on the outside of the tower, but I'd adamantly refused them that privilege. People would know who'd done it without us declaring it. I wasn't going to get a detention when it could be avoided.
Merlin, last night had been brilliant. We'd all been eagerly awaiting it since we'd planned it. I chuckled when I thought of Sirius buying an outfit for the occasion. It had been such a ridiculous outfit, too! If anything, it made him more suspicious. And did it have to be so unnecessarily tight? Imagine if he'd woken up one of the girls! They would have thought he was going to rape them, or something. Of course, he did look fetching enough for them to let him have their way with him . . .
But, still. It was ridiculous. Honestly, Sirius and his notions. I shook my head and waited for our public to begin arriving.
It wasn't long before people began trickling into the Hall. Frank Longbottom was the first one to greet us, wearing a huge grin that indicated he knew full well who the perpetrators were.
"Did you lot hear what happened last night?" he asked, as custom demanded it.
"Why, no," James said with wide eyes, looking at first Peter, and then Sirius and myself to see if we had, either. We all shook our heads, though our grins belied our negation.
"Well," Frank said conspiratorially, "somehow all the Ravenclaws ended up outside their tower last night."
"All night? How come?" Sirius asked with mock sympathy, wrestling the grin off his face as he did so.
"Yeah, all night. Apparently there was a horrid stench throughout the whole tower. The only way they could get away was to camp out in the hallway." Sirius let out a barking laugh as Peter and I turned towards James. He'd remained moot on the intentions of his blue spark. There was no doubt that the stink bomb was his doing. They were his specialty.
"Surely the smell didn't last that long?" Peter queried, genuinely confused on this bit of information.
"Well, that's what they reasoned, too. But when they tried to get back into their tower, they couldn't get the door open!" Frank said with a delighted chuckle.
"And why's that?" I asked with a grin that said I knew exactly why. James laughed delightedly as comprehension dawned.
"Well, apparently the way they enter their tower is by answering a question. For some reason not a single one of them could answer said question. They were locked out of their tower all night because of it." Sirius clapped me on the back in appreciation of my contribution, while Peter applauded me from across the table as they put together the puzzle and realized it must have been me that orchestrated said prank.
"But they did finally get in?" I asked with a smile.
"They broke down and asked Dumbledore to crack the question. He was delighted to oblige. However," Frank said with a sly grin, "when they were finally admitted to their tower to get ready for lessons, all occupants were unable to find both shoes and socks. They've been forced to walk around barefoot."
James was laughing so hard that he was pounding his fist into the table. "Oh Merlin," he declared, "that's just so fucking funny! It sounds like they had a really rough night!" As if to confirm this statement, the first group of Ravenclaws came stumbling into the Hall, every one of which with bare feet and heavy eyes.
"They bloody well did!" Frank agreed with a laugh.
I silently applauded our brilliance as James and Sirius began haggling the Ravenclaws from their spot at our table. I rolled my eyes and waited for my food to arrive, waving goodbye to Frank as he went to sit with Alice.
"So, Mister Moony," James asked from across the table, "what was the question?"
"What is the question?" I stated simply. It took a moment, but once they realized that it made no sense, they erupted into even more table banging laughter.