Disclaimer: I don't own the X-men. Marvel does. So don't sue.

Song Suggestion: Where'd You Go? Fort Minor feat. Holly Brook

Ice blue eyes flew open as Jubilee's hands clawed at the open air. Her back hit the floor and she awoke to find herself twisted in the sheets and drenched in sweat. Holyfuck. She didn't even realize where she was! Her breathing was shallow and uneven as she writhed around, fighting off invisible specters. When she finally got herself under control, she could only manage to wonder why she had such a horrible dream in the first place. Apparently, the nightmares were getting worse. Although she'd had temporary reprieve from them in the medlab, it probably had something to do with all the drugs Beast had her on. They shouldn't have worn off so quickly though. She'd only been released to her room for the night!

As soon as she was able to catch her breath again, Jubilee wrenched herself up by grabbing onto the bed frame. Her body was on fire, and her back groaned, twisted and sore from the impact of the floor. Worst of all, her nerves were shot. Instead of sleeping, she'd be keeping one eye on her room, making sure it didn't suddenly morph back into a cell. She knew she couldn't stay by herself in this state. She was probably already running a fever. But she didn't want to go back to the medlab.

So, she did what she always did when she had a nightmare she couldn't handle. Logan would at least let her stay on the couch in his room. At least then someone would be keeping an eye on her in case she flatlined. She had nearly convinced herself to tell him everything. Rape and all. She couldn't hide it forever, and she had to know what his reaction would be. If he would stay and help…or place her under the care of the team. In which case she would be long gone before that ever happened. Maybe she was just looking for a reason to run. Or maybe she was trying to reassure herself that her tormentor didn't know what he was talking about.

If Wolverine couldn't be there for her even after all this, then she didn't know what she was going to do. She just knew that she couldn't stay in limbo any longer. And, she didn't want him to hear about her condition from someone else.

Untangling herself from the sheets which pooled around her body, she came to a sitting position on her bed. Once balanced, she made a grab for her crutches which were hooked over the short bedpost. Her arms positively screamed at the movement after all the strain she had put them under, but she felt as if she had no choice. It was either get to Logan, or be hooked up to monitors in the medlab.

If she ever needed Logan, it was now. Just to have someone to keep her demons from taking over. The stairs were a special pain in the ass. But they were worth it. The men's floor was one floor below the women's dormitory. Luckily the rooms were spatious and there was an expanse of wall between doors. So there was no danger of waking anyone else up.

Upon reaching his door, she knocked boldly and insistently. Though she received no answer from the sleeping man. Finally, she balanced herself on one crutch and tried the handle. Finding it unlocked, she edged her way into the darkened room.

"Logan? You awake? It's me." Strange that his heightened senses hadn't alerted him to her presence. As her eyes adjusted to the darkness, she noticed the empty bed. He was probably in the rec room watching a late night movie or in the kitchen raiding the rest of his stash.

Not wanting to think the worst, she purposefully cased out every inch of the room as she made her way to his battered couch. She searched everywhere except the one spot she knew would lead to her undoing. Anxiously, she let her gaze fall on the dresser, praying not to see the piece of paper already crumpled up on top of it.

Why did he even bother to write? She already knew his goodbyes by heart. Judging by the fact it was balled up, she wondered if he'd gotten smart. Perhaps he realized that it was better to eat his own words than make her read them and watch her heart shatter into a million pieces. With several limps, she made her way to the dresser and smoothed out the paper with one hand.

Jubilee,

This is just to say that I'm going away because it's the best thing for you. I know you need me right now, and I'm sorry that I can't be there. But you need to learn to stand tall without me. I didn't want to leave so soon but something real urgent came up. I'll be back in a few days. In the meantime, remember what I taught you. Just keep your head up and don't give Beast a hard time. You know you're important to me and I'll always love you.

Logan

She reread the note just once before crushing it in her fist. Great. Just fucking great. A few days may as well have been two months in Wolverine speak. Forget that he didn't even have the decency to tell her in person. Sure his words were touching, or atleast they would've been if he hadn't given her the same speech every other month.

Besides, it wasn't the letter she wanted. He wasn't coming back, no matter how she wished things were different or how much she tried to play up to him. He kept giving her the same story that she had to learn to trust other people. That he wasn't always going to be around.

Yes, she could understand that. But did he have to be so callous about it? Where did he get off thinking that he was still a loving parent after all he had put her through? But, she told herself, that's just how he is. So, what's the point of getting upset about it now?

Because,she answered, I didn't even get a chance to talk to him. Didn't get a chance to tell him what happened. He used to stick around long enough to atleast make sure I was doing okay. But now he doesn't even bother to tell me before he takes off to God knows where!

Honestly, what did he expect her to do? Sit there and take it? She wasn't gonna dish out her deepest secrets and fears just so he could walk out on her. And she wasn't going to act like nothing had happened when he came back. She had desperately needed him to stay. Just this one time. And for once she didn't beg or throw anything in his face. She just let him go.

It didn't feel good. It didn't even feel right. In fact, it felt worse than it normally did. All she had was an aching sadness which permeated her sense of self. Does this mean I'm all grown up Wolvie? I guess if I were, I wouldn't down here crying my eyes out to you over some stupid nightmare. I would be taking care of my own damn self.

Back out in the stairway, she swore up and down about what had possessed her to come all the way down to the men's floor. She was currently sitting on the bottom step waiting for feeling to come back to her legs. If she could pull herself up the stairs by her arms, she would have. In fact, she had tried. But the pain had practically paralyzed her. Leaving her fuming, frustrated, and stuck where she was.

She'd been there for the past twenty-seven minutes, staring at the hall clock to keep herself occupied. 3:30 AM and ticking. Just my damn luck. The one time I need to not fall flat on my ass, and what do I do? If the others didn't think I was weak before, what are they gonna say when they figure out I can't even pick myself up off the floor?

Hearing footsteps down the hallway, she began to pray in earnest. Dear God, let everyone be asleep. Please don't let them see me like this. Do me this one favor and I'll never ask for anything else ever again.

The footsteps echoing closer left her praying even harder. Please please please let it be Logan coming back. Or Gambit. Hell I'll even take Beast! Send me anyone. Anyone at all, but…

"Well, well, well, look who decided to take a midnight stroll."

Crap! Crap! Crap! She and God were gonna have to have a serious talk. She groaned inwardly, as her one time partner in crime came sauntering down the stairwell, popcorn bowl in hand. Why did it have to be the one person that had an even bigger mouth than she did?

"Go fuck yourself Drake."

"Ooo touchy. Why are you down here babysitting the stairs anyway?"

"None of your beeswax."

Bobby didn't have to guess too hard at the reason. After all, she was frequently seen down on the men's floor in the company of a particular clawed combatant. "If you're looking for Wolverine you just missed him. He ran out a couple minutes ago in a real big hurry. Nearly made me spill my popcorn."

She acknowledged his answer with a low grunt. Then did her best to squeeze herself into the blackness of the stairwell. The soft hall lighting made her features practically glow, causing the cuts, bruises, and burns to stand out against her pale skin. As Bobby got his first good look at her, he had to struggle to keep his face level.

"Woah, what happened to you? You look worse than victim number thirteen after her heel broke and she got attacked by el sludge monster."

Jubilee grit her teeth. Dealing with Bobby was going to use up all of her energy. "Having a late night slashfest I see?"

"Insults will get you nowhere. Atleast not until you fess up. Now why don't you tell me who beat you up so I can kick their ass?"

"I can fight my own battles moron."

"Have you seen yourself?" Bobby asked in disbelief. "You couldn't even take on Toad right now!"

Jubilee resisted the urge to strangle him. "What does it matter?"

"What does it -? C'mon Lee! I know you're an X-man and all, but do you really have to go and prove it by jumping in the first fistfight that comes along!"

"For your information, I was the one who got jumped!" Well now she'd gone and done it. With any luck, the whole mansion would know by breakfast.

Bobby did a double take. "You expect me to believe that after all the time you've spent hanging out with Logan, that you didn't throw the first punch?"

"Actually, yeah. I do. And I'd appreciate it if you kept your damned mouth shut. Unless you want to be pushing ice cubes out your butt like a flippin' ice maker!"

Bobby, being the idiot that he was, ignored her. "Man, Cyke is gonna freak! You were already lagging behind on those stupid early morning training sessions he pulled. Now you'll be on training detail for a year!"

"Bobby I swear to God if you don't shut up…"

"He'll never let you on a mission now! Geez, has he even seen you yet? You could at least have done a little more damage. Looks like you got worse than you gave."

He stepped in closer to inspect her face and Jubilee flinched back. Bobby didn't seem to notice that she was about five seconds away from paffing him into the wall.

Neither of them noticed Gambit's footsteps tread lightly down the stairwell. He had been enjoying a smoke out on the roof. Now he had to come back in and deal with this shit. From what Gambit could tell, the Ice King was about to get his face blown off. If it were soley up to him, he would have stolen Bobby's popcorn and sat back to watch the fireworks. But a full out attack would wreak havoc on Jubilee. Her body couldn't take even the smallest amount of energy transfer without throwing her body chemistry off. And he didn't want her to get sick again. The woman was a hell of a lot more fun on her feet than stuck in bed.

He couldn't figure out why Jubilee had even let Drake corner her like that. There had to be a good reason she was caught out in the open. And whatever it was oughta make for a good story.

"Best back up homme. She don' look too happy ta see you, non?"

Bobby head jerked up. Eyes narrowing once he spotted who he was dealing with. "Why don't you do us all a favor and go back out on the roof…or better yet jump off of it. I got this." Bobby countered as he attempted to help Jubilee to her feet.

"If you don't get the hell away from me, I'm gonna turn your frozen butt into a blazing inferno!" It was a whispered threat that he just barely heard coming out of Jubilee's mouth. The potency of it startled him, but only for a moment.

"Quit being so stubborn. I'm just trying to help."

"I don't want your help!" She hissed.

"C'mon, I'm not about to leave you down here with Gumbo! He'd probably end up leaving you in a ditch somewhere."

Gambit's eyes flashed. This was one of the reasons he couldn't stand this place. Bobby was only following the herd. But it still didn't make the insinuation any less malicious.

"Have you got a couple of frozen brain cells? I'd be safer with him than I would with you."

"Sometimes I don't think you have the slightest clue what goes on around here. He's a traitor. He'll probably sell us all out first chance he gets. So quit with the illusion that he's some saint who's got your back. Now, are you coming with me or are you just gonna sit there all night?"

Jubilee planted her ass pointedly on the step. "I ain't goin' nowhere. So take your fucking popcorn, go back to your slash, and quit sticking your nose in my business."

Bobby's temperature dropped a few degrees, chilling the hallway's occupants. His feelings had clearly been cut to the quick. But, at this point, Jubilee could care less.

"Jubes, think about what you're saying."

"There's nothing to think about!"

"I'm not gonna stand here and argue with you. Either you want my help or you don't. But don't say I didn't warn you."

"Piss. Off."

"Whatever." Bobby mumbled as he snatched the popcorn bowl and stalked off down the hall without so much as a backwards glance

She acknowledged his parting words with a light pop as he turned his back. Only after Bobby disappeared around the corner and his footsteps could no longer be detected, Gambit finally turned to Jubilee.

"What ya doin' down here Petite?"

"Apparently getting busted."

"Dat's not funny." The smirk on his face said otherwise. "Your legs give out on you?"

"Obviously."

He started to move toward her, but stopped short as she shied away from him.

"You can leave y'know."

"So ya sayin' ya want someone else ta come by and make both our lives a living hell? Cuz Gambit not leavin' unless you either safe in your room or de medlab. Your choice."

"Dammit Cajun…"

"S'not a problem. Gambit just call Beast." She knew he was bluffing, but as soon as his hand closed in on his communicator, Jubilee made a grab for his wrist.

"Fine. Maybe I need a teensy bit of help getting back upstairs."

A lazy smile spread out over the Cajun's face. Clearly he was enjoying this. "Ya gotta be kiddin me. Dis Cajun's back's gonna give out havin ta carry you all over de place."

"I'm not gonna beg you sadistic asshole." The forced smile on her face looked downright psychotic. She was gonna kill him. Soon as she could get her powers to cooperate.

Shaking his head in a melodramatic fashion, he crouched down beside her and leaned her crutches against the wall. Before she could even open her mouth to protest, he had scooped her up, carrying her halfway up the stairs and back to her room. She rode stiffly in his arms, careful not to make any movement or give him any sign that needed further assistance.

Cradling her carefully, he walked into her already open doorway and eased her down into an overstuffed chair. Her arms slid out from around his neck and she pulled away into the coldness that enveloped her. Too numb to notice the droplets of water that fell silently to the threadbare carpet.

Gambit, however, didn't miss the tiny diamonds of light as they flashed unassumingly on her face. He left her just for a moment to get her crutches, in case she had the fool sense to try to walk again. Making sure no one else was skulking around, he swiped them and went back to her as quickly as he could.

His face turned serious as he reentered her room. Out in the hallway, he had made it a point to keep up the banter. There were too many prying ears around to delve too deeply into her issues. However, now that they were back on her own turf, it was a different story.

He kicked the door closed before going to kneel in front of her. She was pressed into the corner of the chair, lost inside of her own thoughts. Gently, he slid his hand under her chin, gazing up into her face. The girl's jawbone jutted out definitely, almost daring him to make one wrong move. Pulling it down to his level, he found what he was looking for. Skimming away a few stray tears with quick fingers, he whispered: "Dere be a reason ya cryin' chere?"

For the first time, she noticed the tears hitting the floor, and jerked her chin out of his reach. Nearly jamming her neck in the process. "I don't want to talk about it." She forced herself to look him head on. "'Sides, crying isn't all I do y'know."

"Gambit know. He seen ya in action. Mais cryin' ain't so bad either. Means ya still got some feelin' left in dere. Better dan nothin', non?"

"Crying just means you're weak."

"You only weak if ya don' pay attention to what your emotions be tryin ta tell ya." He felt like a fool. Here he was an empath letting everyone else's emotions eat away at him. And he was trying to tell Jubilee to try and understand hers?

"Do you always practice what you preach?" She challenged.

"Oui. But sometimes emotions get stuck. Makes it hard to function. Ya don't always have ta cry ta get dem out. Just have to listen to what dey be sayin' and deal wit whatever comes up."

The way he was talking made it very hard for Jubilee to maintain the tough exterior she needed to present. Something inside of her felt like it was breaking, and Gambit was only making it worse. Her throat suddenly went dry as her body closed up and shrank in on itself. A river started to run down her face and she put her hands up to stop it.

But Gambit wasn't about to let her. Interlocking his hands with hers, he eased her hands away and looked her dead in the eye.

"Somethin happen chere?"

She wasn't sure if she could trust herself to speak. She wanted him gone. Just so she wouldn't have to force her heart back open and feel it break all over again.

Jubilee couldn't convey with words what she wanted to say. They stuck and died in her throat before she could form a coherent sentence. Fortunately, she didn't have to say a thing. Gambit took her hands and eased them back around his neck. He moved his chin into the crook of her neck, whispering against her ear. "Parlez-moi."

His breath was warm against her chilled body, sending shivers down her spine. She struggled against him, not wanting to give into the warmth that threatened to engulf her. It reminded her too much of Logan. His scent, his clothes, everything… Yet, all she could remember was how he had walked out of her life.

The harder she struggled, the tighter Gambit held on. The man had an iron grip that was impossible to weasel her way out of. She tried halfheartedly to pull back and hit at him. But he anticipated as much, keeping a hand on the back of her head so all she could do was pound on his back. Sensing that the fight was leaving her, he had to remind himself she was only trying to protect what was left of her sanity. But damn if she couldn't pack a punch.

With a heart wrenching sob, she finally collapsed. Unable to put up any more of a fight, she buried her face in his shoulder, crying her heart out. Knowing he had won the battle, Gambit didn't hesitate any longer to take her down against him. He waited as she became accustomed to being held, giving her time to pull back if she wanted.

Knowing she was too spent to protest, he wrapped her in his arms, rocking her back and forth as he had done the first night he had found her. Gambit was afraid she was going to regress, but this time she stayed with him, alert and conscious. It was a long time before she managed to choke out what had happened. He only made out bits and pieces.

"Nightmares…keep getting worse. Don't want to be monitored. Figured Wolvie would let me stay. Had to see what he'd say. Gonna tell him everything. Maybe if I had he wouldn't have…" Her dry heaves got in the way of finishing. Finally, she managed the only two words she ever had to say. "He's gone."

Gambit stayed silent. It wasn't his place to tell her to give up on Wolverine. But he guessed this had been a long time in coming. Wolverine wasn't one to be tied down. And Jubilee was getting to be too much of a handful for any one person. Of course, now wasn't the time to try to be teaching her a lesson about getting herself through life on her own. Now was the time to teach her how to defend herself, how to work with the ones she trusted instead of against them. Wolverine didn't know what he was giving up when he had decided to distance himself from his sidekick. Hadn't thought about what it would do to her. Maybe if he had, they wouldn't be in this situation.

He stroked her hair until she had cried herself out. Her steamy tears and snot clung to his brown leather jacket. He supposed he would have to get it dry cleaned. But he'd worry about that later. It's not like Rogue hadn't done the same thing on occasion…although she had to be more careful about staying within the confines of the fabric. Gently, he lowered her to the ground and shifted so he could pick her up and carry her to bed.

"C'mon chere. You need sleep."

"They'll come back." She was referring to the nightmares.

"Gambit be right here when dey do." He said, putting her down and pulling the blankets up over her. "You not gonna be hooked up. Not tonight." Pulling the overstuffed chair next to her bed, he sat down close enough to take her hand in his.

"Get some rest. Gambit stay til Beast comes."

Her eyelids fluttered, fighting off the exhaustion that only weighed her down. "Please don't make me go back there." She whimpered.

"Close your eyes." He whispered, running his thumb over her knuckles and smoothing the hair back off her forehead. "You be alright."

Completely drained, her head lolled to one side. It may or may not have had something to do with the energy field he was purposefully emitting. Perhaps he couldn't stop the nightmares, but he could make sure that at least one of them got some sleep tonight. Besides, the least he could do was make himself useful by seeing that she didn't pull something even more drastic than what she'd done tonight. It didn't seem like much, but moving around like that would set her training schedule back months.

Even if he wasn't the one to do it, he knew he would end up putting a word in the Professor's ear about making sure somebody took over with her in the danger room. It was the only way to get out the pent up energy that was going to explode all over them if they left it unchecked.

French Translations

Parlez-moi - Talk to me