Chapter 10 ~ everything (your heart desires)

AN1: All recognizable characters are not my property – I just play with them.

AN2: Okay, muses cooperating so here's another update. Unbeta'ed so do forgive typos and grammatical errors when you find them.

Betty told herself she needed to know why he'd kissed her. She told herself that by knowing his motivation, maybe she too would be able to figure out why she felt the way she did these last couple of months. She needed to know so that she could stop the foolish way that her heart had started hoping - for it had been hoping, she finally admitted to herself, that he'd come to London to follow her. It had taken nearly all her strength to stop him when she did because she really didn't want to. But it was the fact that she had wanted him so badly that had actually given her the resolve to stop - because the sheer intensity of her longing for him had frightened her.

They had come such a long way from the awkwardness (hers) and resentment (his) at being pushed towards each other by Mr. Meade during the early days of their association. She didn't think she'd be able to take it if she ended up being one of his cast-offs had she let it continue, because it would mean ending a friendship that she had come to rely on all these years. So she'd needed to stop and catch her breath and ask what it all meant.

But when she heard her name on his lips she panicked. What if he said he regretted it? She hadn't had time to prepare herself – to figure out how to act or how to go back to treating him the way she had before he kissed her. So she did the only thing she could think of to stop him.

"I need to go to the bathroom." She cut him off quickly as she scrambled to sit up and get off the bed.

He seemed to realize it was just an excuse because he stopped her flight to the bathroom by latching on to her wrist as he too got up and walked quickly to stand behind her.

"I…" she could feel herself blushing and was glad she was facing away from him.

"Betty…" he said gently.

"It's okay Daniel…" she finally decided to be honest. "You don't have to explain…I understand." She spoke to the wall, unable to turn to look at him as she did so.

"No Betty… I don't think you do." He answered as she felt him move closer to her, right hand still holding on to her right wrist.

She couldn't help the shiver that ran through her body when her back met with his chest and his right thumb started to gently rub against her wrist. She fought against the urge to lean back into him as she tried to control her breathing.

"I'm…"

She cut him off again. "…sorry, I know. " She winced at the note of bitterness she heard in her voice.

Although Daniel was expecting to be told off for kissing her in her sleep, he was still unprepared at hearing the anger in her voice. He didn't want her to be mad so he sighed as he whispered, "I am sorry..." to her ear, because he was sorry for abusing her trust.

She had been expecting the words but hearing him say it caused a physical ache in her tummy and moisture to gather in her eyes. So she tried to get him to let go of her wrist, wanting to put some distance between them before she gave herself away.

But his hold on her right wrist only tightened, and his left arm moved to wrap itself around her waist from behind. She gasped as she felt him rest his chin on her right shoulder.

"Daniel…"

She couldn't say anything beyond his name.

He didn't do anything more but hold her for several minutes, partly because he needed time to get his thoughts in order before he told her how he felt, but mostly because he couldn't help it. He needed to have her in his arms once again before he said anything because it might be the last time he'd be able to do so. He wondered again at the wisdom of going through with his plan to confess. Maybe it was better to be in this limbo instead of the certainty of rejection if it came to that. But the thought of going back to pretending he didn't feel anything more for her was distasteful to him.

Betty didn't know what to do. On the one hand she wanted to melt into his arms and say to hell with knowing what this all meant. But on the other, she knew she wasn't cut out for a friends-with-benefits kind of an arrangement…

even if it was Daniel…

especially if it was Daniel.

Why exactly that was she didn't want to examine any further. All she knew is that she couldn't do it.

Not with Daniel.

She made a motion to break away but his hold on her tightened even further and her composure, already in tatters from his apology, crumbled even further at the gentle way he held her despite his seeming unwillingness to let her go. And she found herself closing her eyes and leaning back into his embrace.

"What am I going to do with you?" she whispered more to herself than to him.

Daniel smiled at the affection he heard in her softly uttered question.

"Love me."

He wanted to say, but settled for wrapping both arms around her instead. He didn't know how long they stood like that nor did he care really. But the need for a bathroom break was growing imminent so he finally made himself loosen his hold on her as he stood up to his full height.

"I need to go to the bathroom." He turned her around as he told her this. And then he moved to raise her face up to look at him by holding her chin up with his right thumb and forefinger. "But we are going to talk right after, ok?" he promised her quietly.

Betty tried to read what was behind his eyes as he made her look up at him. There was a hint of gravity to his expression that she couldn't quite figure out so she nodded to let him know she agreed. They did need to talk. And she knew that whatever it was that he wanted to tell her was something that she needed to hear.

Daniel made sure she realized how important it was that they talk. And when he saw that she understood, he was finally able to release her and go to the bathroom.

She had her turn in the bathroom once Daniel emerged freshly showered and dressed in casual clothes. She fought to settle the butterflies in her stomach as she dressed back into her now dry clothes from yesterday (minus the coat) after her own shower. She tried not to over analyze the situation as she gargled with mouthwash and winced at the realization that they'd kissed each other without brushing their teeth beforehand. But then again, she hadn't really cared and judging by the length of their second kiss, neither it seemed, did he.

When she got out to the living room, she smelled food and she followed the scent to find him turning the stove off and sliding an omelet onto a plate. He looked up as she entered the kitchen and gave her one of his adorable smiles. "Breakfast is served." He said as he brought her a mug of coffee while placing the plate in front of her. And darned it, but she had been charmed by his gesture.

"Thanks Daniel." she smiled as she settled down to eat.

Breakfast had been relaxed affair, much to Daniel's relief as he'd tried not to stare at her too much while they were eating. He couldn't help it of course, but he knew he shouldn't because it would make her self-conscious and he'd wanted her as comfortable as possible when they finally talked.

And then the time for reckoning was finally at hand and he couldn't help but feel nervous and apprehensive.

They sat across from each other on the breakfast nook and he noted that she too seemed nervous, judging by the way she played with the coffee mug in front of her.

"Well…in for a penny…" he thought to himself as he finally took a deep breath and reached out to take one of her hands in his.

"Betty…"

She braced herself as he took her hand in his and whispered her name. She wasn't quite sure she wanted to have this talk anymore but knew it was too late to back out.

"So…" she smiled to ease her nervousness. "Last night was weird huh? I mean, of all the rotten luck…."

At his silence, she thought of other things to say.

"Oh and I'm really sorry about using your towel last night…"

Daniel looked to be fighting a smile that was threatening to escape his lips.

"… and for tripping you with my bag…"

She blushed at the way he playfully rubbed his forehead in remembrance at her utterance.

"…and for making you sleep on the sofa… and for …" she knew she was babbling like an idiot. But somehow, she couldn't seem to make herself stop.

Daniel finally thought to rescue her from further embarrassment by saying her name again. "Betty…"

She stopped her inane ramblings as soon as he took her free hand so that he had both wrapped in his own.

Daniel breathed deeply and finally took the plunge.

"I need to tell you something…" but stopped when he noted how she bit her lips looking a little bit scared.

He could feel himself start to shake a little at the prospect of telling her how he felt. He wanted to kick himself in the butt for dragging his feet. It wasn't like he hadn't done this before. He hadn't been dubbed a playboy publisher for no reason after all.

"So, why is this so hard?" He wondered.

"Because it's Betty."

He grimaced at hearing his mother's voice in his head, but then realized that it was true. Betty had been by his side for so long that he couldn't even remember a time when she hadn't been there anymore and the prospect of possibly losing her was making him break out in cold sweat.

"Daniel?" her question brought him back from his musings.

"I…" his throat dried up at her intent stare. If Becks could see him now, he'd probably be laughing his ass off.

He tried again, this time avoiding her gaze.

"I…"

Despite her earlier misgivings about what Daniel wanted to tell her, she found herself unable to take his fumbling attempt to do so. And she couldn't help but take pity on him.

"Daniel it's ok. I know the kiss didn't mean anything." She said it herself so he didn't have to.

She was however unprepared for the way his head snapped back up to look at her.

"What?" she asked at his questioning look.

"Is that what you really think?" He asked. "That it didn't mean anything?"

She blinked at his reaction.

"Well, that was what you were going to say right?"

She didn't understand. She was giving him an out. So why wasn't he taking it? And what's with the hurt expression?

The Daniel of old would have rejoiced at being let off the hook so easily. The new Daniel however felt like he'd been gutted. If he had any doubts about how Betty regarded him, then that pretty much confirmed it. He supposed he couldn't blame her. She'd seen first-hand how he'd operated when it came to women. She knew how he used to go through them like they were going out of style. Kisses were nothing special to him, save that they normally led up to sex.

So how could he even hope to convince her that the ones they shared did?

He opened his mouth to refute her but like always, when it came to Betty, he found himself struggling to put his thoughts into words.

Betty frowned at Daniel's forlorn expression as he stared down at their entwined hands. He looked like she'd kicked him in the gut. Like she'd hurt him by assuming that he was back to being his playboy self.

Why would he…?

Did that mean…?

"I have a theory…" Claire Meade's voice echoed in her head again.

And before she could stop herself, she had already reached out to gently place a hand against his cheek so she could lift his head and look at his face.

"Did it…" she began in a whisper and stopped to moisten her suddenly dry lips.

"Did it mean something?" she finally finished, heart in her throat.

If his heart could jump out of his chest, it would have done so at that moment.

Because the expression on Betty's face just about made it beat madly and violently inside him.

And so after six months, one week, three days and 17 hours of hiding what he felt from her, he finally, finally had the courage to let it all show on his face.

"Not something…" he started in a whisper, before he clasped the hand she held to his face with his own.

"Everything." he added. "It meant everything."

AN3: Aaacck! I know you're just about ready to kill me now (runs away from rotten tomatoes coming her way)… What can I say… Daniel had a mind of his own and wanted to drag it out a little bit more. I hope you continue to read this anyway. I promise to make him cough out those three words by next update (if I have to cuff him to do so). Oh and thanks for all those wonderful feedback. Till next time.