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Chapter 10

The next two weeks go by quickly. I've waited for Merrick to bring up the kiss we shared under the tree in the meadow, but he never does. Maybe he didn't like it or maybe he thought it was a mistake. I'm too afraid to bring it up for fear of what he will tell me. Instead, we just remain friends, which might be for the better since he will be leaving anyways. We decided for our last night together that we would camp in the tent in his backyard. He cooks us dinner and brings it out to the tent along with some dessert from the bakery.

"I don't want you to leave." I say laying back on sleeping bag underneath me.

"Neither do I. I wish I could stay here. There's nothing left for me back in District 2. My friends…I can't be friend with them after what they did. School is going to be horrible." he says with a sigh.

"Maybe you can make new friends."

"I doubt it."

"There has to be some guys like you there. They can't all be bad." I tell him.

"Katniss, what am I going to do without you?" he asks as he lays down beside me.

"You'll be fine. You don't need me." I tell him as I face away from him. I can already feel the tears start to form in my eyes.

"You're wrong." he says as he moves closer to me. I feel his arm wrap around my waist, pulling me closer to him until my back is touching his chest. I can feel his breath on my neck as he takes a few deep breaths. His proximity to me is too much. I feel like my heart is going to jump out of my chest. It hurts knowing he doesn't feel the same way me, that this embrace is nothing more than a friend comforting another friend. After a minute of this, I feel like I'm suffocating. I sit up and crawl out of the tent before running to the wooded area behind the tent. I try to take a few deep breaths to calm myself but I feel even more worked up. My breath flutters as I cry into my hands. I hear him approach and he immediately puts his arms around me. I gently push him away from me and take a few steps back.

"Katniss, what's going on? Why did you run away like that?" he asks me.

"I just need a few minutes to myself. I'll come back, I promise." I tell him. He nods his head, leaving me alone. I sink to the ground, resting my back against a tree as I close my eyes and try to compose myself. It's silent here, very peaceful. I feel myself starting to relax, and before I know it, I'm drifting off.

When I wake up, I am back in the tent with Merrick looking down at me. I'm not exactly sure what I'm doing here.

"Merrick what happened?" I murmur.

"You fell asleep in the woods. It's a good thing I knew where to find you." he says with concern. I feel his thumb sweep across my forehead, then trace down the bridge of my nose and along each cheekbone.

"What are you doing?" I ask him.

"Trying to remember every detail of you." he says. I close my eyes and relish his touch. It feels nice as he traces my features. I can even feel myself start to grin. I then feel his thumb move over my upper lip followed by my lower lip. He moves his hand downward, cradling my neck before I feel his lips touch mine. He gives me a soft, gentle kiss before his lips part mine. Before he can get too far, I place my hand behind his neck and pull him closer to me. I can feel the fire between us ignite and spread with each passing moment. Neither of us tries to stop the other. As much as I want to ask him why he decided to kiss me, I'm afraid that if I stop him, I will no longer get an opportunity to do this again. I move my hands upwards to his blonde locks, running my finger through them. He lets out a moan through his kisses before his hands start to explore my body, eventually resting on my hips. With the passion growing, I feel my breaths becoming more ragged. I gently push him from me so I can catch my breath. He doesn't seem ready to let up as he showers my neck with kisses.

"Merrick, wait. I can't breathe." I say between breaths. He reluctantly removes his lips from me and then lays beside me. We both turn to our sides to face each other. He hand caresses my cheek as he stares deeply into my eyes. I gaze back into his eyes. I contemplate just lying there silently but I need to know what is going through his head. "Merrick why did you do that?" I whisper.

"Because I couldn't let you go without doing that one last time." he whispers back.

"But did you want to…" I trail off.

"Katniss, I haven't able to stop thinking about that moment by the tree. It took all the nerve I had to kiss you and then you never mentioned it again. I thought that maybe you might have felt something but then I just wasn't sure." he said. I can't help but laugh a little. He gives me a confused look that lets me know that I need to explain.

"I was waiting for you to mention it. I thought maybe that you didn't like it…that I wasn't good enough for you."

"How could you ever think that?" he asks.

"I don't know. I though maybe you thought it was a mistake and that you just wanted to be friends."

"Is it wrong of me to want more?" he asks.

"No…because that's what I want too." I admit. He grins before advancing towards me for another kiss. This one is slower but a can feel the passion bubbling up inside of me.

"What happens now?" he asks after he breaks away from me.

"Merrick you're leaving tomorrow…nothing can happen. You know that." I say quietly. After tonight, he could be gone for good. I may never see him again. It makes my heart ache just thinking about him being so far away and that we will be living separate lives.

"Yeah." he says with a sigh.

"Merrick…how long have you liked me as more than a friend?" I ask with curiosity.

"Since the moment I saw you in the square, after you bumped into me. You just looked so beautiful." he says as he brushes my hair behind my ear. I can feel my cheeks blush from his last comment. I've never had anyone call me beautiful before. "What about you? When did you starting feeling something?"

"The first time I spent the night at your house. I was watching you sleep and you woke up and gave me this smile. I got this funny feeling. I wasn't even sure what it was at the time. I had never felt it before, but then it kept on happening and after a while I figured out what it meant." I explain. I see his smile beaming back at me. I let out a yawn. Even though I had gotten a little rest, I am still tired. It must be past midnight.

"Let's get some sleep Katniss." he whispers before pressing his lips to my forehead. I wrap my arms around him and rest my head against his chest. Tonight I just want to be close to him, to feel him near me while I still can.

When I wake up, I see Merrick looking down at me with a worried expression on his face. I know that we are running out of time.

"How long do we have?" I ask, breaking the silence.

"Hour and a half."

"You shouldn't have let me sleep so long." I say as I slowly sit up.

"You just looked so peaceful sleeping there. I couldn't bear to wake you."

"What should we do?"

"Let's go for a walk." he says. We crawl out of the tent and walk to the path behind his house. I feel Merrick take my hand and lace his fingers between mine. It feels good. We remain quiet as we walk through town. There are not many people out today.

"Where are we going?" I ask him.

"To the tree." he says. When we get there, I see why he's brought me here. Sitting under the tree are three large bags. I release his hand and look inside to find the bags filled with food. "I emptied out the pantry last night after your fell asleep and brought these here."

"Thank you." I say with a smile. It's sweet how much he cares about me.

"Here, I'll help you carry them to your house." he says, picking up the two heaviest bags before I can say anything. I lift the third one, which is quite heavy. I hope I can make it all the way to our house. The silence continues as we make our way through the Seam. I lead him around the back of my house where we drop off the bags on the back porch.

We then go to the meadow and sit in the grass. It's already turning out to be a beautiful day. The sun is shining and air is void of any humidity. The sky is a bright blue and fluffy white clouds are scattered in the sky. It seems wrong for it to be so perfect on the day my best friend is leaving me. I'd almost prefer it if the weather matched my mood.

I look over at him and find him staring at me. In this moment, I realize that he's too far away from me. I kneel in front of him and place my hands on his shoulders before pressing my forehead to his. I feel his arms wrap around my waist. He tilts he head and then pressed his lips to mine. I let him take me away from this moment and get lost in his kisses. I never thought that anyone could make me feel this way. I never thought I would ever want this. If it had to be with anyone, I'm glad it was Merrick. He's the kindest person I know. A few minutes into the kiss, I can feel myself feeling lightheaded. I feel myself falling backwards but Merrick tightens his grip around my waist.

"You alright there, Katniss?" he whispers in my ear.

"Just a little dizzy." He sits me in his lap and I rest my head against his chest. I breathe him in, wanting to remember his scent. He rests his chin on the top of my head and hums a tune. It sounds nice, very peaceful.

"Katniss, wake up." I hear him say to me.

"I am."

"No you weren't. You drifted off." he tells me. "It's time for me to get back." We help each other up and hold hands as he walks me back to my house. I can feel the anxiety building with every step I take. Once I am back at my house, this will be over. I can already feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I do my best to hold them back, at least until we are finished walking. We stop at my back porch and he immediately takes me in his arms. I don't hold the tears back anymore. I cry into his chest as he holds me close.

"Shh, Katniss, it's going to be ok." he coos softly to me.

"No it won't. I'll never see you again." I cry.

"I'll find my way back to you. I'm not sure how yet, but we will find each other again."

"How do you know that Merrick?" I ask looking up at him.

"You'd think I'd let you go that easily?" he asks with a weak smile. "My father…he'll have to come back here eventually. When he does, I'll be with him."

"Merrick that could be years."

"I know, and I'm not expecting you to wait for me Katniss. I want you to live your life."

"And what happens if you come back and I am with someone else?" I ask him.

"Then I will respect that and we can be just friends." he says. I don't think I could ever be just friends with him again, but I do not say this. Instead I nod my head. I don't really see it being a problem anyway. I don't plan on being with anyone else. I don't want to get married or have a family. I've made my mind up about that a long time ago.

"You should go." I murmur to him. I don't want to make him late for his train.

"I have a few minutes." he says as he pulls me closer into his embrace. We stand there like that for our last few minutes together. He then moves far away enough from me so that he can kiss me one last time. I start to kiss him ravenously like I'll never feel his lips on mine again. He lets out a small laugh and tell me to slow down. I let him take over and set the pace. He kisses me with slow, deep kisses. He was right. This is much better. When he ends it, he rests his face beside mine so that our cheeks are touching.

"I'll never forget you Katniss, or the summer we spent together. I can only hope that you will cherish it as much as I do."

"I could never forget you Merrick." I say, now smiling. "You're one of a kind." He pulls away from me and gives me one of those smiles that make me feel happy and warm inside.

"So are you. The girl with the braid." he says as he runs his hand down my braid. "I will be seeing you." he says before kissing my cheek.

"Yes, I'll see you." I say with a giggle. I'm glad this is how we are ending it. It would be too much to handle if we were both crying. I might not be able to let him go if that's how we ended it. He runs off, turning around and blowing me a kiss before he disappears from sight. I use the key under the mat to open the back door and drag the bags of food inside. Once they are all inside, I start to unpack them and put them away. It's then that the tears come. I already miss him. I wonder how bad it will be after a week or a month. I see Prim emerge into the kitchen, rubbing her eyes.

"Katniss what's wrong?" she asks as she rushes towards me. I can't tell her the real reason because she doesn't know about Merrick. I have to make something up.

"I woke up and all this food was on our doorstep." I say, pretending like I'm crying happy tears. Luckily, she buys it. She starts digging through the bags, see what they contain.

"Can I have these?" she asks holding a bag of cookies.

"For breakfast?" I ask with a laugh.

"Please, Katniss?" she begs.

"Ok, fine, just this once." I say. She looks too excited to deny her dessert for breakfast.

"Thank you Katniss!" she says giving me a hug before sitting at the table. Seeing Prim's joy helps me to dry my tears. I unpack the bags until the cabinets are filled and the fruits and vegetables are placed in the fridge. We shouldn't have to worry about food for a while. I eat some cookies with Prim before heading to my room. I'm still tired. I close my eyes and hope to dream about Merrick and the times we had.

Merrick's gone again :( Any predictions on how he'll come back...or when? Also any general thoughts about the story so far are also appreciated (good or bad).