Never Been Kissed - The Post-Mortem

1. The kiss - I totally effing called it! And I got Kurt's reaction spot-on (for the most part). But how good was Max Adler, the guy who plays Karofsky? That was some major, major acting right there, especially in his voice. And, was I the only one worried about what had happened to Kurt's iPhone when he went running after Karofsky? I was all, "When is Kurt gonna get his phone back?" And it was distracting. I attribute my reaction to the fact that I had my iPhone slapped out of my hand and stolen last year. It sucked.

2. Blaine is so awesome! I also love how little he is compared to Kurt, though they hid it a bit with camera work. That slow-motion shot of the two of them running through the hall was a definite squee moment if I ever saw one.

3. The kiss, part deux: Beiste - I'm sorry, the scene was sweet and Schue was so intensely likable, but it still had a little ew-factor, which may have been the point.

4. The Artie/Puck dynamic wasn't much different than I expected, and I still maintain Puck needs a therapist, badly - that whole no one cares about me line I called right from the begining. At least Artie's there for him.

5. We didn't see: the infamous Spin the Bottle game; any real Finchel moments; Quinn using her powers for good; any continuity in the Britana story-line; and last, but not least - Puckurt. If Puckurt ever becomes a canon pairing, I will near-on die of happiness.

6. Anyone else really, really want a pair of Kurt's yellow boots from near the end, or was that just me?

And, because chapters that are just author notes are a no-no, here's a little epilogue.

Posted: 11/11/10

"How was your weekend, Noah?" Gary asked, shifting back in his chair with his legs crossed comfortably. "Anything I should know about?"

"I don't know," Puck snapped, crossing his arms over his chest and glowering. Puck's mom hated when he glowered, calling it his worst expression. "Maybe."

"Don't be coy, Mr. Puckerman," the therapist said with a little chuckle. "What happened? It certainly doesn't seem like you're as pleased with yourself as usual."

"I maybe, kinda, sorta," Puck sighed, letting his hands drop down into his lap, "found out something about the real Puck. Like, when I'm not trying to be my old man or whatever the crap you said last time."

"And what did you find out?"

"I always figured I was more of a fighter, right?" Puck asked, waiting for Gary to nod before he continued. "Like, I beat kids up for their lunch money and joined a fight club and terrorized the dweebs. You know, all that."

"Right..."

"So," Puck sighed. Was he really going to say this out loud? He could just play off what happened on Saturday as his way of making sure glee club stayed together. But no, he had to prove his stupid-ass point. All because Artie said Puck couldn't be choosy about his friends this year. "I found out I'm more of a lover than a fighter. And this whole no chicks thing doesn't really jive with that. It's messing with my brain."

Gary nodded at Puck and adjusted his glasses, turning away as he asked, "How so?"

"It's like, I couldn't help it. And now, I think, I might want to do it again."

"What happened?" Gary asked, not like he was desperate to know, but he was listening anyway. "Did you get in a fight? Anything, Noah, and your probation officer could send you back."

"Nah," Puck answered. "Well, yeah, but that was self-defense and wasn't what I was talking about. Crap. I forgot about those ninja guys."

Exasperated now, Gary huffed, "So what were you talking about? I can't help you if you don't-"

"I kissed someone," Puck blurted out. God, he really didn't want to do this, but he figured maybe Gary would say it was okay for him to be confused. "But technically, you said no girls, so yeah. I didn't really break the rules and-"

"What was this someone's name?"

Puck rolled his eyes at Gary's supposed indifference. "Kurt."

"The boy you refused to kiss during last week's party?" Was it weird that Gary didn't look at all surprised?

"Weird, right?" Puck asked, hoping the guy would agree. "I guess he was giving off that vibe I used to get from those lonely housewives that needed romancing. Like I said, I couldn't help it."

"And you'd like to kiss him again?"

"Ugh!" Puck sighed, throwing back his head. He'd been thinking this over and over all of Sunday and didn't really want to do it anymore. But he'd seen Kurt during glee club that morning and the boy looked at him with something of a mixture of terror and hope for just a second before ignoring him completely. "Yeah, I guess. I mean, I doubt he even likes me, but it was ... really kind of awesome. You don't pass up on a second chance at awesome, right?"

"Have you felt angry at all since it happened?"

"A little, yeah," Puck shrugged. "But that was because my little sister tried to take the last Eggo, and I was hungry."

"So, you've been less angry since this kiss occurred?" Gary asked and Puck nodded. "Why do you think that is?"

"I dunno," Puck shrugged. "Aren't you supposed to tell me?"

Gary chuckled a little before watching Puck for a few moments, his head tilted just a little. "Noah, I want you to tell me what 'integrity' means to you."

What the hell? Puck was meeting with Gary, not his English teacher. But the guy was waiting for an answer and he'd proved several times over that he would just keep waiting until Puck gave one. "It's like, when you don't lie and stuff."

"It means being true to yourself and those around you, consistently," Gary told Puck. "How do you think pursuing a relationship with this boy, Kurt, would impact your personal integrity?"

"Who said anything about a relationship?" Puck asked, getting that uncomfortable feeling back in his stomach. "I was just thinking a little light making out."

Gary sighed and gave Puck a disappointed look, which made the feeling in Puck's gut worse. "Noah," he said softly, "I know you haven't had very many examples of functional relationships to model yourself after, but try to put yourself in Kurt's shoes."

"I don't wear heels, dude," Puck replied, crossing his arms over his chest. "And this is stupid."

"Just think about it, Noah," Gary replied gently. "This boy was harassed at school by you and your friends, he was sexually assaulted by one boy, and he has no romantic prospects. How would you feel if there were no girls around you at all?"

"Like in the joint?" Puck smirked.

"Exactly, and then one of the boys in jail with you revealed himself to be a girl."

"I wouldn't want any chick who could pass for a dude..."

"No, Noah," Gary explained. "For argument's sake, she's an attractive young lady. What if she 'made out' with you once or twice and then went back to her male disguise and started ignoring you again? How would you feel?"

After thinking about it for a moment, Puck met Gary's eyes and said, "Bummed, I guess. Especially if I wasn't getting out for a long, long time."

"Right. So you need to think about whether you're attracted to Kurt as he is – a boy – or if you're attracted to his vulnerability, which will fade."

"What? Why?"

"Because starting a relationship with Kurt only to change your mind shortly thereafter would be cruel," Gary insisted. "You'd be taking away his 'girl', his one chance at a romantic partner because you were too selfish to think of his feelings beforehand."

"Dude," Puck sat, thinking about everything Gary had said. "Wait, I was the girl in that prison scenario?"

Gary sighed and gave Puck that, shape-up-quick look. "You don't have to say it with such distain. You know, your misogynistic attitude disturbs me, given that the family members that make up your support system– your mother, your grandmother, and even your sister – are all female. If you can't respect them, how will you lean on them so you can maintain your good behavior?"

"It's not my fault the old man skipped town and left my mom in charge," Puck argued, unsure what misogynistic meant.

"But you are in control of your own behavior, Noah. Just because your father didn't stick around doesn't mean he disliked all women besides of your mother. You don't have to emulate a man you barely knew. I know," Gary spoke louder when Puck opened his mouth to argue that Gary knew nothing about his dad, "that a 'badass' is supposed to hide any feelings that might make him weak, including his romantic feelings, but you called yourself more of a lover than a fighter, Noah. So, I have to ask, have you ever been in love?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "Quinn."

"Did things with Quinn work out well?" He paused until Puck shook his head. "No, they didn't. Why was that?"

"Because I was a jackass to her," Puck sighed, hating the truth almost as much as he hated Gary right now. "I couldn't be what she needed."

"People need someone who can put their partner's feelings above their own on a regular basis. I just don't know if you're there yet, Noah."

Damn. Puck hated that disappointed tone in Gary's voice, like Puck was some loser screw-up who wasn't good enough for Quinn, or Kurt. And just like Puck couldn't get the feel of Quinn's skin out of his head, he couldn't forget the taste of Kurt's lips on his. Sitting here in front of Gary, Puck didn't feel good enough for Kurt, which was actually kind of funny. He wasn't good enough for that fruit?

Maybe not. Puck liked to say he was a god among men or a sex shark or badass number one. Juvie had shown him he wasn't as awesome as he always claimed to be, since he couldn't even defend his freaking waffles.

"So no dating guys, either?" Puck surmised, not wanting to think about how disappointed he felt. Before therapy, he could just feel what he felt and that was that. But now? Now Gary had Puck questioning all his feelings and all his actions and he hated it even more than he hated the fact that Gary would probably report him to the pro-bee officer if he found out that Puck made another move on Kurt.

"I can't even try?"

Gary met Puck's eyes for a long moment, his face completely unreadable. Then, he took a sharp breath like he'd made a decision, saying, "Think about your reasons for wanting to date this boy and how you might impact his life. If on Wednesday you still feel the same, then you can try."

"Sweet," Puck smiled, still a little unsettled by the fact that he was looking forward to being able to go out with a guy. Damn, what if they got to making out and Kurt saw him without his shirt on? His left nipple was still kind of messed up from when those gangbangers ripped out the piercing. Oh, well. Maybe he could pass it off as a badass battle scar.

Was it weird he was looking forward to making sure he had the chance to explain his scars to Kurt?

I wanted to post, but it still feels like there's more of the epilogue to go, i.e. Kurt's side. Probably another 3-5K words coming at you sometime next week. For now, I have my brother's wedding to attend/help with.

Review and let me know what you want to see in the rest of the epilogue!