Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, yada, yada, yada. I also don' t own the slight references to Friends.

A/N: Look, I'm really sorry. I know that it's been weeks since I updated. I got the Deathly Hallows slump. But, this one's pretty long and rather amusing.

Warning: There is some underaged drinking, so...if that offends you or something, then feel free to not read this.

"This is it?" Sirius asked, looking around.

"I guess."

"I don't see the sharks."

"Well, I think we'd have to go in…" I said, rolling my eyes. We were standing outside the Mandalay Bay hotel, which looked ridiculously expensive. Sirius reached out and pushed me through the door. "Hey!" I said, glaring back at him. He walked in as well and gave me a bright smile.

"Well you have to go first. I don't know how to act. But you, well you're a great Muggle."

"You could have just said 'ladies first' and I think I would've been less insulted," I said as we began walking through the huge building.

"What's wrong with being a great Muggle? It's certainly a respectable attribute," Sirius said with a completely straight face.

"Yeah, alright. Whatever."

"'Course…being a Muggle who can do magic, now that's even better," he said.

"Shut up."

"Mmm hmm," he said with a sideways glance at me. I sped up, but he kept in stride. Somehow, this became a race to see who could walk fastest while retaining some dignity. Sirius, of course, has longer legs, and had no problem out-walking me or nodding at the business men like he was one of them. During a particularly smug exchange of glances, I just stopped. Sirius continued walking like an idiot, and was trying to be discreet about checking out a woman in a waitress's uniform.

He waitress smiled at him. "In a hurry?" she asked, and he turned to indicate towards me, but realized that I wasn't beside him anymore. He did a complete 360 turn as he glared at me and turned back to her. Flashing her a smile, he looked over his shoulder and gestured to me to come closer. I closed the distance between us, and he reached out to put a hand on my shoulder. He squeezed it hard—probably to get back at me for the death grip during apparition.

"Oh, is this your son?" the pretty waitress asked.

"Well…Harry?...he's, er, just…he's my…yeah. Sure," he stammered.

She glanced from me to him and looked confused. "Um…you're not sure?"

I gave a sad little shrug. "He has paternity issues."

Her eyebrows went up, and Sirius hand squeezed harder. I wrenched my arm from his grip, and cocked my head at the waitress. "I don't know why…" I leaned in close to her, and whispered, "I just want him to love me, you know? But…"

She gave me a sympathetic look, and her mouth formed a small 'o'. She gave Sirius a venomous look, and then kissed me on the cheek. "You have such a charming son. You should be proud," she said to Sirius.

"Mmm hmm," Sirius said, shaking his head in disbelief.

"What's your name?" she asked me.

"Harry," I answered, glancing at Sirius. His eyes were narrowed and he was giving me a 'just wait till we're not in public' look.

"Well I'm Janie, and if you ever need anything, you come find me, alright?"

I raised an eyebrow, and I'm pretty sure Sirius did too. "Anything?" I questioned.

"Yes, anything. I work in that restaurant over there," she pointed to a bar across the hall.

"Well, thanks," I said, trying not to smirk.

"I better go," she said, and with one more evil glare towards Sirius, she was gone, and Sirius's hand connected with the back of my head.

"Ow," I said, even though I was smiling, and so was he. He put an arm around me and shook his head again.

"You…God. I can't believe you did that."

"You're calling me a god?" I said, looking up at him.

He rolled his eyes. "In your dreams. Prat."

I shrugged. "I thought I was helping."

"Oh, I'm sure. 'Paternity issues'?"

This time I did smirk. "Did you see her face when I said that I just wanted love?"

Sirius tried to hide a smile. "Yes," he slapped me upside the head again, but not very hard.

"You know, you should stop doing that. She might call child protection," I said.

Sirius cast a glance over his shoulder back in the direction that she's gone, but she wasn't there. "So was this little act just for fun, or do I sense the beginning of an embarrassment war?"

"An embarrassment war?" I asked.

"I thought so. Alright, well, you started it."

"No! I meant, what is it?"

"Oh Harry. I think you know," he said obnoxiously.

I groaned. "Whatever." I looked around. "Do you even know where you're going?"

Sirius shook his head. "I was following you."

"Right. Er…there are some signs over there," I said, pointing.

Sirius had a weird smile on his face, but wouldn't tell me why. We eventually found the Shark Reef, and he paid to get us in.

"I'm not exactly sure what the exchange rate is…" he said as he handed over 32 American dollars.

I shrugged, and followed him inside the aquarium. It was filled with statues that looked like Buddha or something, and lots of artificial foliage. There was algae on some of the stone walls, and I assumed that that was real. We got in line, and were handed small devices that looked like Muggle remote controls. Sirius seemed very pleased with this, and was pressing all the buttons. He looked around, confused. "Nothing happened," he said.

"You have to put it to your ear, I think," I said.

Sirius cautiously lifted the remote to his ear and listened. His eyes lit up, and he nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah! Yeah, Harry, you have to listen to it. I'm not sure what it's talking about…"

A small child in a stroller had been watching us and began laughing at Sirius. "It tells you about the fishies!" he exclaimed as his mother pushed him past us.

"Hmm," Sirius said, and pressed only one button at a time. "You know Har, I think he's right." He listened intently this time to the voice coming from the remote for a few seconds, then dropped it from his ear.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"It's boring after a while."

I chuckled. "Well, maybe it will be better once we actually get into the aquarium. You're holding up the line by just standing there, Sirius."

Sirius glanced at the people behind him. "Oh," he said, and walked forward towards the tanks. With a pointed look at me, he dutifully pressed the first button and lifted it to his ear, staring at the alligator in the tank. I did the same.

As fate would have it, by the fifth tank Sirius was bored, and suddenly noticed that we weren't alone. The place seemed to be brimming with girls in their twenties and thirties, few of whom were accompanied by a man. Sirius caught my eye, and grinned. "Just watch," he muttered, and looked down to smile at a young boy who was enthralled by the piranhas. "Those are so cool, aren't they?" Sirius said to him, crouching down. The boy looked wide eyed from Sirius to his mother—an attractive woman standing in front of an empty stroller—then nodded excitedly.

"Yeah, yeah, they're really great. If you stick your finger in there, then they bite you! They'll eat your whole hand just with one bite. Maybe even your whole arm! Or your whole body!" the boy enthused, using his arms to specify how much the piranha could eat of you.

Sirius was playing along, and didn't seem to notice the boy's mother until she spoke. "Danny, leave the poor man alone. You know that it doesn't really matter how much a piranha could eat of you because you aren't going to stick your hand in there, right?"

The boy made a face, but shook his head.

"Sorry…" the woman said to Sirius. "He gets a little overexcited sometimes."

"Oh, no, not at all," Sirius said, smiling. "I don't mind."

The woman smiled. "What part of England are you from?" Sirius must have looked confused because she quickly added, "Your accent—I thought it was British. Is it not?"

"Oh!" Sirius said, and I shook my head. He can be really thick at times. "I'm from around London."

"Really? I've always wanted to go," the woman said.

Sirius nodded. "It's a great place. I'm Sirius, by the way."

"Addie," she said, shaking his head. "And that's Danny."

Sirius inclined his head towards me. "That's Harry."

"Oh." The woman looked surprised, and glanced between me and Sirius. "Oh. Is Harry your…son?"

This time, Sirius was ready. "No, he's my—" he cut himself off, and glanced at me. "He was just real lonely, you know? Feeling left out, and whatnot, so I agreed to take him to the aquarium." He winked at me.

I groaned inwardly as my face heated up. I knew it was payback from before, but really…maybe a truce should be declared soon—after I get him back for this, that is.

"I mean, you thought Danny was a bit overexcited, you should have seen Harry a few tanks ago…" he continued.

The woman smiled a bit nervously. "Yes, well…it was nice meeting you, but we really should be going…"

Sirius nodded. "Of course. Come along, Harry," he said patronizingly, walking towards the next tank.

I glared at him for the fiftieth time that day. "I hate you," I said resolutely.

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Oh?" When I didn't answer, he continued. "Well I was under the impression that you were the one who started it."

"Can I be the one to end it?"

"Aw, come on. You can't quit already."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever. But you better watch out."

Sirius nodded solemnly. "Oh I will."

I nodded. "Good."

Sirius looked around. "Are we done here?"

"Well I don't know, I'm still feeling rather lonely and left out," I said dryly.

Sirius laughed and led the way out.

"What next?" Sirius asked as we exited the building.

"Well, to keep with the animal theme, we could go across the street to the MGM and see the lions. Or…" I looked down at my map to see what else there was, but Sirius interrupted me.

"No, no, we need to go a bar. We'll just pick up something and take it back to the hotel. Or, better yet, there was a bar in the hotel—we'll just use that."

I glanced up at him. "I'm too young, Sirius."

"So?"

I hiccupped. "Sir'us…I think I like this game after all," I drawled.

Sirius laughed a bit too loud. "I told you you would."

"Yeah…what's it called again?"

"Kings, Harry. But we're not really playing it right."

I scowled. "Yess we are. Look, I even rememember…rember…know the rules." I began to speak in a sing song voice, "Two for you, three for me, four for whores, five for jive, six for…something… seven for heaven, eight for…something else… and…Kings!"

"Pardon?" Sirius asked—he was much too sober.

"Kings!" I repeated. "That's the name of the game! I rem…rememem….know it now!"

Sirius grunted. "Your father would be so proud. No, but…I was saying something…"

"Kings!"

"Right! We're doing it wrong."

I started to shake my head, but then everything started moving. "Whoa…"

"We're supposed to have lots and lots and lots and lots of people," Sirius told me.

"Like…all the Gryffindors?" I asked over a hiccup.

Sirius nodded, "Maybe not the younger ones though," he said seriously before bursting into laughter.

I laughed with him, thinking of little Dennis Creevy drunk.

"Maybe, maybe."

"Hey be," Sirius said.

"Baby."

"Gay be."

"Shave me."

"Pave…streets," I said.

"Pave…gardens," Sirius answered.

"Marvin gardens."

"Marvin's gay."

"Marvin's gray!" I said.

"Pardon, may."

"Mother may I?"

"Red light, green light!" Sirius said.

"Er….yellow!"

"Pink."

"Mauve."

"Puce."

"Suede."

"That's not a color," Sirius pointed out.

"We need firewhiskey," I announced, ignoring him.

Sirius raised his eyebrows, and gave me a once-over. "I dunno…I'm supposed to be responsible, right?"

"I won't tell if you don't."

Sirius scowled. "I hate making decisions when I'm drunk."

"Want me to decide?" I said, but I think I ruined my chances when I suddenly tipped over from my cross legged position on the floor.

"Oh kiddo, I think you've had enough. Maybe next time I'll listen to you when you say that you're too young," Sirius said and he reached out to take the bottle of something I could longer remember the word for. "Light weight," he muttered.

A sudden thought struck me. "Sir'us…am I drunk?"

Sirius glanced at me. "No, Har, you're totally sober."

I thought about this. "No…I think you're wrong."

Sirius laughed. "I was kidding. Yeah, I think you're a little sauced."

My eyebrows went up. "But S'rius, I've never been drunk before!" I said worriedly.

"That's okay. I guess that's what I'm for."

Another thought occurred to me. "Sir'us. You've been drunk before."

Sirius nodded, grinning. "Bloody right I have been," he said as he stood up. He wobbled a little before straightening himself out. Carrying a big glass bottle, he walked away.

"Hey!" I yelled after him, but then I realized I didn't really care if Sirius went into the bathroom. Where did that alcohol get to, though?

"S'rus!" I called.

He came out, looking a little disoriented. "What?"

"Did I win?"

"Kings?" he asked.

"Oh yeah, that was fun. But did I win?"

Sirius gave a dry laugh. "Sure, Har. You won Kings."

"Nooo. Did I win?"

"Win what?" he asked, sitting back down next to me.

"The other game. You know."

Sirius stared at me. He leaned forward a little and raised his eyebrows.

I sighed. "You know, the game we were playing where we were mean? With the little kid, and the sharks…"

"Ooh. Right. No, I think I won that one."

"Why?" I whined.

"I think you'll get it in the morning." Sirius shook his head.

"What are we doing in the morning?"

Sirius groaned. "Lots of fun things. Why don't you…" he hiccupped. "Um. You said this is this the first time you've ever been drunk?"

I nodded excitedly, smiling. "It's real cool."

Sirius gave a little moan. "I'm going to regret this. But…you should go to bed."

"I'm thirsty, though."

"No you're not."

"Yes I am."

"No you're not," Sirius said.

"Am too."

"Are not."

"Are too," I said, trying to match him.

"Am not." Wait…

I rubbed my eyes. "Why don't you go to bed?" I asked accusingly.

"Because I'm too old to go to bed," Sirius said.

"Oh. Well…I'll only go if you go."

Sirius sighed dramatically, but got into the big bed. "Okay. I'm here."

I followed him in there, and he turned off the light on the bedside table. After a few minutes, Sirius was snoring. I didn't want to go to sleep though—I felt weird. I glanced around the room, my eyes now adjusted to the darkness, and saw something lying on the floor. I slowly eased myself down to pick it up, and was surprised when I tumbled onto the floor. After I got my bearings, I grabbed the object. It was a magic marker—which aren't actually magic at all. I smiled.

By the way, Kings is a drinking game, just in case you didn't know. I've never played, but it's pretty common.