Jude woke up alone. He spread his arms out, feeling how cold the sheets were. Connor had been gone for some time. Remembering all that Connor had said last night, remembering how Connor had shut himself off for the first time in Jude's memory, Jude immediately rocketed to his feet. He couldn't believe that he had let it go so easily, had just let the two of them drift off to sleep.
He headed into the living room, locating Connor. He was sitting on the loveseat, his back against one of the arms, his legs on the cushions. He had his knees drawn up, although they rested loosely against the back of the loveseat. He almost looked asleep, but his eyes cracked open at the sound of Jude's steps. He brought a finger to his lips, and then dropped one of his knees so that Jude could see that he was holding Maia. He then held out his hand to Jude.
Jude rounded to the side of the loveseat where Connor was sitting. He dropped to the floor, his back against the loveseat. He rested his head against Connor's hipbone, careful not to disturb Maia. He reached up his hand so that he was holding Connor's hand.
"Can we talk about last night?" Jude asked in a low voice.
"There's nothing to talk about," Connor answered.
Jude tilted his head so that he could see Connor's face. "Yeah, there is."
Connor closed his eyes again.
"You don't look like a monster."
"Don't lie to me. Even you spend more time looking at my normal side than my right side. If you can't look at me, I can't expect anyone else to either."
"If I do, it's not intentional. It's not because I think you're a monster or anything remotely like that."
"And it's not just my looks, either," Connor continued, ignoring what Jude had said. "I still wake up in the middle of the night, thinking of I'm somewhere I'm not. I'll walk down the street and I hear something and I immediately think that something's going to explode. It's hard to explain, Jude, but I'm not who I was. I'm so scared that there's going to be a night when I wake up and I think you're someone you're not and I hurt you. I don't want to drag someone else into that, especially not someone who wouldn't have any choice in the matter."
Jude rearranged himself, so that his position mimicked Connor's. He remained on the floor, the side of his body resting against the loveseat. He placed his head on Connor's thigh, his knees touching Connor's elbow.
"There's nothing wrong with you," Jude insisted. "You went through something hard and you're still dealing with it. There's no shame in that. You're doing your best. I know you wouldn't hurt me; I know you wouldn't hurt anyone else."
"But when I was over there …" Connor started, and then he let his words fade.
"It's … a different situation," Jude said delicately. "But I know you wouldn't hurt me, no matter what."
"No, you don't."
"Yeah, I do," Jude argued. "Why is it starting to feel like we've never talked about the important things? We didn't talk about the future before last night and we've never talked about these feelings."
"Maybe because I didn't want to talk about them," Connor retorted. "I don't want to be vulnerable."
"But it's okay to be. You know I'm here to listen to you; you know I'm here for you."
"I know."
"And you're fit for everything," Jude told him.
"Hmm?"
"Last night, you said you weren't fit to be anything, and that's not true either."
Connor finally opened his eyes, looking down at Jude. "Maybe you're right." Before Jude could say anything else, Connor had looked down at the baby in his arms. "She is kind of cute though."
"She is."
"She was up early this morning and I felt bad leaving her with your moms when she was dropped off at our doorstep."
"I didn't hear her."
"Because when you fall asleep, you are impossible to wake up."
"That's not true."
"Sometimes it is." Connor smiled and then he sat up, moving slowly so there was little to no jostling on Maia's part. "Come sit up here."
Jude looked at the spot Connor had offered, the one on his unscarred side. He realized that it wasn't just him that paid more attention to the unblemished side; that found his eyes slipping over the scars to the more familiar. He wedged himself onto the other side of the loveseat, so that he was on Connor's injured side. He rested his head against Connor's shoulder, and looked down at Maia.
He ran his finger along the side of her small hand, lightly enough that he didn't disturb her.
"Connor," he whispered.
"Yeah." Except it wasn't a question; wasn't a simple, prompting reply. It was an answer.
"Yeah?" Jude repeated.
"Yeah," Connor confirmed.
And then they had a baby.
(-.-)
It took several weeks for Maia to officially come home to them; the process was made lengthier because Maia was not already in the system. There was a lot of paperwork for them to work though; a lot to prepare for in order to have a good place for her. They didn't have the months of preparation that most parents receive. But, in just under two weeks, Maia had everything waiting for her that parents who could plan ahead had for their children.
"There's just one thing left," Connor commented, as they stood in the spare bedroom turned nursery.
"What?" Jude replied, looking around the room. It seemed complete; with new paint, furniture, toys, books and clothes.
"Her name, as in, what do we want to go on the birth certificate."
"I like Maia; I want to keep that," Jude decided.
"Me too. What about her middle name?"
"Your mom?"
"Eh," Connor shrugged. "What about 'Callie'?"
"Mariana put a dibs out on Callie as a middle name."
"Seriously?" Connor laughed.
"Seriously."
"Either of your moms?"
"Maia Lena? Maia Stef … er, Maia Stefanie?" Jude named, and then he tried out, "Maia Mariana? … I don't know if it sounds right. It just … it doesn't flow the way that it should, if you know what I mean."
"Well, we'll think about that one. Now we just have to decide on her last name."
Jude frowned, glancing over his shoulder at Connor, who was sitting in the rocking chair Lena and Stef had given them.
"Why do we have to decide on her last name?"
"Jude, between the two of us we have three last names. Doesn't that seem like a lot?"
Jude toyed with the pink rabbit – a gift from Callie – that was sitting in Maia's crib.
"I don't want to cut Lena or Stef's name. It wouldn't feel right." Jude answered. "But she's our daughter, so I don't want her to not have your name."
Connor let out a loud breath. "Come on," he said, standing up and leaving the nursery.
"Where are you going?" Jude called, stepping out into the short hallway.
"Kitchen. I'm hungry."
Jude frowned. "You only know how to make breakfast."
"I'm not cooking. I'm ordering. Thai or pizza?"
"Chinese."
Connor glared and Jude smiled brightly.
"Spring rolls or egg rolls?" Connor caved, picking up the phone.
"Spring. Do you not know me at all?"
Connor took a step to the side, wrapping his arm around Jude's shoulders. "I know you perfectly."
Jude nestled his head into Connor's shoulder as Connor spoke on the phone. As soon as he was done, Jude said, "I think we should give her all three last names."
"Okay, but if we do that, she only gets one middle name. I know some people who have three middle names."
"Which is excessive no matter how many last names you have," Jude commented.
"That could also be said about last names," Connor pointed out, resting his forehead against Jude's. "I have an idea for her middle name though."
"What?"
Connor told him, and Jude felt his heart swell at the suggestion. This was why he had fallen in love with Connor, because he had a heart bigger than most and it was made of gold. He shifted so that his arms fell around Connor's waist, and hugged him tightly.
"Are you sure?" Jude asked him.
"Yeah, I think it's perfect. Don't you?"
"Yeah," Jude agreed, and then kissed him.
(-.-)
Jude held open the door to the Adams Foster home so that Connor, toting Maia in her car seat, could enter the house. It was a family dinner night and Maia's first official night with Connor and Jude. They were the first ones to arrive at the house, though Jude was sure that everyone else would be arriving shortly. No one but Moms had actually met Maia yet, and Mariana had been delirious over the prospect of seeing her for the first time.
"Kitchen!" Stef called, at Jude's cry of 'hello'.
Connor followed behind Jude as they headed into the homey kitchen. As Lena grabbed Jude into a hug, Connor picked Maia up out of her car seat.
"Oh, she is so cute," Stef hummed, studying the baby. "What did you decide to name her?"
"We kept Maia," Connor answered.
"I do like it," Lena agreed. "She looks like a Maia."
"But what did you do for a full name?" Stef pressed.
Jude caught Lena's eye. "We decided on Maia Francesca Adams Foster Stevens."
Lena drew in a breath, her hand coming to cover her mouth. "Really?" She breathed.
"Really," Connor confirmed, as Lena took a new look at her granddaughter.
"It's a beautiful name," Stef commented, and she took a step closer to Connor, so that she could look at Maia.
"It's a bit of a mouthful," Connor admitted.
"It's perfect," Lena corrected. She took Maia's tiny hand in her own. "You've got a lot to live up to, little girl."
"She can do it," Stef announced, opening her arms as Connor passed her Maia. "Look at her, you can already tell she's strong."
"And she's going to have curls," Lena cooed, gently running her hand along Maia's hairline. The baby squirmed, but she didn't cry. "She's such a good girl."
"She is, as long as you're holding her. It's when you put her down that she gets fussy," Jude responded. "Is there anything I can do for supper?"
"No, don't worry about it, love. The casserole is already in the oven." Stef told him, "Just sit down and let us cuddle the baby."
"David needs to get here so we can each have one," Lena laughed.
As soon as she said it, the front door opened and a baby's screeching cry filled the house. Maia's plump lips deepened into a pout, her dark eyes closing tightly as if she were preparing to cry along with her older cousin. Stef began to sway Maia back and forth, talking to her so she didn't cry.
"Sorry, sorry," Callie exclaimed as she bustled into the kitchen, David over her shoulder.
"He's got a cold, so he's not very happy," Brandon explained.
"Oh, poor baby," Lena murmured. "Let me cuddle him anyway."
Callie's eyes landed on the little bundle that Stef was holding close to her. "I'll give you David if you let me see Maia."
Stef cuddled her closer. "But I want to keep her."
"But I haven't met her yet!" Callie argued, grinning as Stef relented. David was settled in Lena's arms, along with a soother provided by Brandon, and Maia was passed to Callie, who immediately began to talk to her new niece. "Hi, honey. I'm your aunt."
"We're not going to see her all night, are we?" Connor whispered in Jude's ear.
"Oh, just wait until Mariana gets here," Jude answered with a laugh, "We're not going to see her for the next week."
The front door opened and closed, but it was not Mariana; it was her twin brother. Jesus bounced into the kitchen.
"Ooh, is this the new one?" He asked, peeking over Callie's shoulder.
Connor chuckled. "That's the new one."
Jesus studied the child for a moment, then said to Lena, "Mom, she's got your hair."
Lena pretended to triumphantly pump her first. "Finally, a mini-me."
Stef pretended to pout. "Where's my mini-me?"
"Ask Mariana," Callie said immediately. "David may be an only child."
"Mariana's breaking the mold and getting married before she has the baby." Stef replied. "I don't know if I want to wait that long."
"Don't you dare look at me," Jesus shook his head. "I'm still child-phobic … At least for them to be mine."
"You know," Lena mused, "I think I'm okay with that."
The front door opened for the final time and Mariana dashed into the house, Zac trailing after her.
"Callie," she said, before she acknowledged any of her other family, "Hand over the baby."
Beside Jude, Connor laughed, and took his love's hand.
I don't own anything recognizable.
~TLL~