We're almost done, just a couple chapters more, tops (:
It takes them seven days to come clean.
Throughout the week Bucky keeps up his game during the day, but at night, even though they sleep in the same bedroom, all he gets is coldness.
Steve diligently lies as far away from him as the bed allows, and Bucky can barely stand the distance anymore.
But still, he feels grateful. The fact that he's allowed to be here now, sharing a bed with his best friend, simply daring to want more when some weeks ago he would've killed anyone who did as much as try to touch him… All he is he owes to Steve. The man has never doubted him, not even for a second, and Bucky's not sure if he would've managed to do the same and not break down had the situation been the opposite.
"You were always the strong one…" he mutters, more to himself than deliberately aloud, but Steve's not asleep yet, and he instantly forgets about the tension and the weirdness, and turns around.
"You remembered something?" he asks, propping himself up on his elbow to better look at him. Bucky shakes his head.
"No, and at this point I don't think I ever will, to be honest… But I know."
Steve sighs.
"I wasn't strong, you had to save me all the time."
"But you were. You are. It's not physical strength that I'm talking about" Bucky grunts, struggling to find the right words. "Yes, I protected you from the bullies, but it was you who saved me. Not only from the Winter Soldier, but also back then. Steve, from what you've told me, I was popular, well-built, good looking, smug, a player… do you realise how bad of a combination that is? The person I could've been… Fuck, I could've ended up being a bully myself, I could've been one of the guys beating you up… It freaks me out to even think about it."
This is the first time that the man is referring to the old James Barnes in the first person, actually acknowledging him as himself, and it surprises Steve.
"Bucky…" he tries, but his friend keeps talking.
"Who I was, and who I am, I am because you've always been there to push me in the right direction. I would've given–, no, I would give my life for yours, but I never could've done what you did, always bring out the best in me so easily… You've been doing it all along, to the point where you, and you alone, have managed to turn a heartless assassin into… well, me."
"Bucky, you've never given yourself enough credit. If I am a person worthy of any consideration, it's only because I've had you to look up to" he says, holding his hand. The man has been staring at the ceiling, but now he sits up and turns to look at him. He needs to settle this now.
"Were you lovers?" he asks him, throwing caution to the wind.
"What?" Steve asks back, caught off-guard by the sudden change of topic.
"You and James Barnes, were you lovers?"
"N-No! We didn't… No."
So they weren't… It's a nice surprise, but it also leaves Bucky wondering about the reason behind Steve's distant behaviour.
"But… why…?" he mutters to himself, thinking aloud. Steve misinterprets it as a question for him.
"We… never felt that way, I guess. I don't think he liked me like that."
"That's not what I meant."
"Bucky I… I'm lost" he admits, sitting up too.
"You said I was the same man."
"You are."
"But I do like you, so that doesn't make sense, and you've been acting weird..."
"Y-you what?"
"…the whole week, and why would you if not because you were lovers and it felt like I'm a different person, and you'd be betraying him if we –?"
"Buck, stop, stop!" says the man, holding his shoulders. His friend falls silent. "You… like me?"
"Really? You need to ask? Jesus fuck, you are clueless…"
"Bucky…" he starts, losing his patience, but then the man wraps his hand around his neck and silences him by softly pressing his lips against his.
When he pulls back, just seconds later, there's a light blush on the blond's cheeks.
"A simple 'yes' would've sufficed..." he mumbles.
"I would've said yes had you asked me seven days ago, now it felt like I needed something that would get the message across…" Bucky cups Steve's face and stares deep into his eyes. "I love you."
"God, Bucky…" Steve looks like he could cry.
"I need… please, tell me I'm enough. I'm not going to be the same man, but –"
"Bucky, you're never going to be just 'enough'. The man you were was my brother, but the man you are now… I love him. I love you. You're perfect, Buck. You're not 'enough', you're everything."
The statement makes the man heave a sigh of relief, but a mere second later he frowns again.
"Then why the fuck have you been acting so weird?" he asks.
"I… I felt bad for taking advantage of you when I kissed you…"
"Taking advantage of me? How?"
"Well, you were feeling down and I should've… It probably wasn't the best time to –" Bucky laughs wholeheartedly, understanding what he means and cutting him off, and as surprising as it is, the sound is blissful.
"Jesus, Steve… Between the two of us, who a) has a record of being taken advantage of, and b) is the blushing virgin?"
"I'm not…" he tries, flushing, but Bucky quirks an eyebrow and smirks. "You are a jerk, Buck."
The man chuckles.
"We're both a pair of idiots, aren't we?" Bucky says, smiling at him. "And to think I've been working my ass off all week trying to lure you into liking me…"
"I knew it! I knew you had to be doing those things on purpose!"
"Oh… so you did notice?" he teases, pushing the blond down against the bed.
"Y-yeah, well… I mean, who… who wouldn't?" the man trips over his own words, and Bucky's merciful enough to capture his lips in a kiss.
A deep, wet kiss this time, passionate enough to make his inexperienced friend gasp against his mouth in surprise, and Bucky would've licked his lips at the obvious invitation, had he not been busy using them for something much more pleasing. He slips his tongue past the parted lips and inside the man's mouth, and as Steve buries his fingers into Bucky's hair, moaning into him, they both know they're finally home.
Aaand I know you're going to hate me for leaving it there but I'm going camping for the weekend so you're gonna have to wait a little bit for the next one (just a couple days, really). Sorry!
- V7