I do not in any way own Grey's Anatomy or the characters…

Three minutes later the alarm of Cristina's cell phone went off.

"Okay Mer, truth time."

"Truth time," she repeated.

She sat on the edge of her bed and watched Cristina walk across the hall into the bathroom. She couldn't take her eyes off of her friend's retreating form; she strained to see her even after she disappeared around the corner. As quick as she had disappeared, she returned; test in hand. Her face was a blank slate. Meredith couldn't decide whether this was a good or a bad thing.

"Are you ready?"

"Well yeah…I don't really have much of a choice…hit me."

"It's negative."

"It…It's negative? Are you sure?"

"Yeah, one little line instead of two. It's time to party my friend; you dodged the bullet."

Cristina watched Meredith's shoulders and spine relax. It was hard to really see how nervous she had been in those last few minutes until it was over. She flopped onto the bed by her friend's limp form.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah…I think so…this is what I wanted right?"

"It's normal to think of the what ifs. I mean after the initial shock and panic its normal to think of a future with a kid. Life would really be different."

"You thought about it too?"

"Yeah, for about a split second and then my better judgment came back. I was a first year intern sleeping with an attending. We really hadn't made any commitment. We were exclusively sleeping with each other, but that was it, we didn't have a title. At the time it just wasn't meant to be. When I scheduled the abortion I felt sick about it. I never thought I would, but standing in that office, desperate to fix the so called problem that I got myself into made me feel sick. Here I was training as a surgeon, a person who saves lives, and knowingly, willingly destroying one that I had created." She shook her head at the memory. "Thankfully the decision was taken out of my hands, but I know that if it hadn't I would have done it."

"What about now?"

"Now?"

"Yeah, now that that the situation has changed. You and Burke love each other and have made commitments and people are okay with the two of you together. There's nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed of. If you got pregnant again would you keep it?"

"I honestly don't know. There would be no real reason not to. We would be together, we would have the resources…then I think about my career, but after all that's happened with Izzie and Denny and Burke being shot, I would have the reevaluate the importance of my career. It's a major part of who I am, who I see myself as, but it's not all of me. Look at Bailey. She did it and she's doing fine. I think everyone questions themselves when it comes to something that huge, but I know now that I have room to have a life outside of the hospital and if that includes kids…knock on wood that it won't be for a while; a long while…but if it does then I think I've made peace with that. "

"Really?"

"Really."

Meredith leaned herself in towards Cristina's body. Much to her relief, her friend didn't shy away. She allowed her to lean, allowed herself to become Meredith's support.

They stayed this way for a while in silence.

"I think," Meredith started after a while, "that eventually after I got used to the idea of having a baby, especially Derek's baby that I could have been, would have been happy. Things are complicated as it is and I'm not saying that a baby would have made it any easier, but I think that we could have made it work." She paused again. "He told me he loved me today. He was so sweet and genuine. When I told him about the baby, or at least the possibility of a baby he was excited. Can you believe that? He kept a serious face but that smile was there in his eyes."

"That's McDreamy for you." Cristina said with the hint of a smile in her voice. "Did you tell him that you were ending things with Finn…now that I think about it I'm surprised that he's not here."

"About that…I kinda told him that there was a strong possibility that the baby, if it was really there, could be Finn's."

"You did what?"

"I don't know…I just wanted to make sure that he really meant what he said…that he was in this thing for good."

Cristina pushed Meredith up and looked at her. "What did he do? What did he say?"

"He was upset, well saying that he was upset is an understatement. He was devastated. For me to be pregnant with Finn's child would have to mean that I had sex with him right after Derek and I were together. I mean right after. It would imply that what happened between us that night didn't mean to me what it meant for him. You know that it did and I know that it did, and truthfully I want Derek to know that it did, but for some reason I wanted to hurt him…to make him feel just a fraction of what I felt for the last eight months. I thought that someway it would make me feel better, it would help me cope, but it hasn't…if anything it has just made the whole thing worse…I'll tell him…I just couldn't today. My emotions were pretty haywire and I just needed the space, the time…"

"It's okay Mer…if anyone understands you it's me…I think it's about time we get drunk. Are you up for it…nothing helps cure the blues like absolute stupidity and a massive hangover."

"Yeah I am," she said with a smile.

"Good then I'll break out the juice."

With that Cristina got up from the bed and walked to the door.

"IZZIE…get up here and bring some glasses with you."

Meredith gave her friend a questioning smile.

"Hey we need to party and I'll be damned if we leave her downstairs all lonely while we have fun. Besides I think Izzie is due for some serious drinking don't you?"

"Yeah. I do." Meredith said with a smile.

"What's going on up here?" Izzie took in the heavy mood of the room.

"Oh nothing," Cristina said lightly. "Meredith thought she was having a crisis, but she's not."

Izzie sent Mer a questioning look.

"I'm fine Iz; really. I just made a decision that's all. I love Derek. I want to be with him, and hopefully well hopefully we can make it work this time."

"Wait…you're not sick?"

"I was earlier, but it seems that it was nothing more than a bug."

"Oh…" Izzie said with sudden realization. "I wish you would have told me I could have been up here with you instead of down there baking."

"It's okay…I had a pretty traumatic day. I'll tell you all about it later, but now I think it's time we have some fun. What do you think?"

Izzie walked over and gave Meredith a hug. It was returned with equal sentiment. In those few moments it became evident to the Meredith, Izzie, and Cristina that now more than ever they were going to have to be one another's support system. Cristina began generously pouring the tequila. She walked over to the bed where the other two were and handed them their drinks.

"I propose a toast," she said raising her glass in the air; the others followed suite. "To us…we lead messy and incredibly, unnecessarily complicated lives but at the end of the day we somehow make it out okay."

The glasses clinked and the party began.